


Love-mes and Love-me-nots

by ShortcakeCrow



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Original Work
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Body Image, Coming of Age, Drama, F/F, F/M, Gen, Illustrations, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Not Canon Compliant, Romance, Sexuality, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-18 11:09:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 37
Words: 223,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29732982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShortcakeCrow/pseuds/ShortcakeCrow
Summary: Getting accepted into Hope's Peak Academy's annual Elimination Game was just the push Minamoto Setsuko needed to quit it with her shut-in lifestyle and finally attempt to make some friends... or that was what she'd thought until she realised maybe signing up for a game show broadcasted nationwide might not have been the best idea when you suffer from severe anxiety. But hey, at least her roommates seem nice... kind of.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	1. Daffodil

**Author's Note:**

> a loooong time ago i wrote a killing game fanfic and posted it on here then deleted it because it was really bad and made me cringe too hard to keep up OTL  
> this is sort of a rewrite but when i say rewrite take that extremely loosely because nothing from the original fic was kept apart from the characters themselves (all of which have considerably evolved since then to the point where some of them are basically unrecognisable compared to their og versions)  
> i started writing this back in late spring/early summer of 2020 and good god i did not think itd take me this long to finish it but here we are  
> all the artwork featured here was drawn by me, please do not repost/edit it!
> 
> disclaimer: this fic is set in an alternate universe and holds no relation to the canon of danganronpa apart from the concept of an academy that students with ultimate talents attend. all characters featured are my original characters and while hpa itself exists its very different from the canon version of it. all characters are adults unless mentioned otherwise (main cast are all over 18 but some minor characters are... minors, badumts), and this fic deals with themes of sexuality and mental health amongst other things. content warnings include drugs and alcohol, eating disorders and body image issues, abuse and trauma, heavily implied sexual violence, and the death of a minor character. although the overall tone is relatively light, it does get pretty heavy at times, so i advise treading lightly if youre sensitive to any of these things.

_ You’ve never tried to cut your hair this short before. Your braids fall past your hips, long enough to almost reach your knees. You clutch the kitchen scissors in your left hand, gripping one of your braids in your right. You brace yourself as the blades approach, and then… _

_ Snip. _

_ An ear-piercing shriek shatters the serene quiet of the night. _

* * *

Minamoto Setsuko had always been quite impulsive and clumsy, which was why her father hadn’t been immediately alarmed by her scream of terror at the stroke of midnight. Sleepily staggering into the kitchen, he found her crying her eyes out, a pair of discarded scissors on the floor, surrounded by the braids she’d always worn her hair in. Except the braids were not attached to her head anymore, leaving behind a mess so uneven and choppy, anyone would’ve been hard-pressed to call it a haircut.

Setsuko clung to her father like her life depended on it. He drowsily promised her he’d fix her hair the next morning and sent her back into bed to get some more rest in the meantime. She did not sound as though she wanted to comply, but she must have been able to tell how tired he still was from the previous day’s shift, so her objections quickly died down.

Cleanup took place in the morning as well, after he managed to salvage her hair in the form of a short bob cut. Still a bit uneven and clumsy, but a significant improvement over before. Her cheeks were tinted a vivid red the entire time from shame no matter how much he comforted her, and she pulled a beanie over her head as soon as the procedure was done, presumably in an attempt to hide what she could of the results from the rest of the world.

Her father patted her head with a soft sigh, having to raise his hand quite a bit to be able to reach the top of her head. She’d grown so tall, and yet she remained just as sensitive. He was almost hesitant to send her off on her own, worried if she’d be able to handle such a drastic change. She’d been awaiting this day so impatiently, though, he couldn’t bring himself to dampen her excitement. Besides, the college dorms would arguably be a much more comfortable space for her than this tiny, cramped apartment.

Reiterating for the millionth time that she hadn’t forgotten to pack anything, Setsuko tightly hugged her father one last time before she headed for the door, luggage in hand. He didn’t dare take his eyes off of her until she disappeared behind the nearest corner, keeping watch in the doorway in case she changed her mind in the last second.

As soon as she was gone, his shoulders sunk with a mix of both relief and disappointment. He could only hope that things would turn out okay.

He made himself a quick cup of coffee before he left for his morning shift.

* * *

Minamoto Setsuko strode through the streets of Tokyo seemingly without a care in the world, dragging a heavy suitcase behind her, her fluffy scarf flowing not from the wind, but the speed of her walking. The small pom poms on each end of it bounced with every step she took. It wasn’t as though her insides  _ weren’t _ tied in several painful knots of anxiety, but she was doing a pretty stellar job of hiding it. Her clothes clung to her with sweat from the sweltering early summer heat, certainly due to the large sweater and long skirt she was wearing, but seeing as how this was a regular occurrence for her at this time of year, she paid it no mind.

In her left hand, she clutched her smartphone. Her large glasses slid ever so slightly lower on her face each time she glanced down at the GPS app. She was thankful she had a map, as the city was still so unfamiliar to her, it may as well have just been a giant maze.

Granted, attending her classes more often might have made it easier for her to find her way to school, but she hadn’t had the courage to… not until now, anyway. She’d bolted after the first couple lectures, and, seeing as how attendance wasn’t mandatory, resorted to simply studying in the comfort of her home, albeit still diligently handing in assignments. And, up until now, that had been fine. It  _ had _ been fine, but…

She’d grown lonelier and lonelier. She’d been so ecstatic when her application had been accepted, so excited that she’d finally get to make some friends.  _ Real  _ friends, not just people who’d tolerate her presence and would have chipper conversations with each other while she awkwardly stood by without a word. What was the point of even applying if she wasn’t going to take full advantage of it…?

So… she was glad that she was finally being forced out of her shell. Despite how anxious she felt, how tight her stomach was from all the nerves, she was glad.

Then, finally arriving at campus, she almost turned right back around and left.

God, she hated the adrenaline rush that always came whenever she tried anything even remotely outside her comfort zone.

Mildly lightheaded, she reluctantly stepped through the main gate.

The first thing that greeted her was the large yard, lined with meticulously maintained trees on each side. Walking along the white bricked path in the center, she had to fight against the temptation to throw herself into the marble fountain she passed by so she could hide from all the curious looks she was getting. Everything felt so fancy, so  _ proper _ , she felt as though she stuck out like a sore thumb, even if she wasn’t the one dressed in the strangest manner out of dozens of other students.

The ever-imposing building lay at the very back, towering over her threateningly. As always, she had to crane her neck to be able to see the very top, with how many stories it consisted of. It gave her a strong sense of vertigo, as though it could tip over and squash her any second, and she quickly had to drop her head right back down before she could lose her balance. Her palms slick with sweat, she continued onwards.

She squeaked out a greeting to the receptionist as she entered the main hall, avoiding the gaze of the other students. Familiar, tall staircases surrounded her from every direction. The elevators were for staff or disabled people only, so she supposed she would just have to drag her luggage up to her new dorm on the 4th floor. She could technically request permission, but who was she kidding? She would never in a million years have the courage to.

And so began the painful and lengthy process of attempting to carry her suitcase up the stairs… or it would have, had she not been stopped mere seconds after she’d started.

“Need some help with that…?”

Her head whipped in the direction of the voice. A boy stood behind her. Bubblegum pink hair framed his round face and large baby blue eyes. His hands were shoved into the pockets of his brightly colored poofy jacket, regarding Setsuko with a quirked – and clearly meticulously plucked – brow. He had an air of both confidence and nonchalance about him, as though he were addressing her in his own home. A stark contrast to her own anxious demeanor. Even as someone somewhat dense with reading body language, she could easily pick up on that.

She was immediately struck by how young he looked. He must have been around her age. The observation set her at ease; some of the tension faded from her posture as her shoulders sunk slightly.

“Oh, uhm… If you wouldn’t mind…” she stammered out. Without hesitation, the boy took a few more steps towards her. She automatically let go of the handle as he reached out to grab it instead, hoisting it into the air with ease, as though he was only picking up a loaf of bread. Having temporarily been rendered speechless by the feat, all Setsuko could do for the next few seconds was stand around with a wide-eyed stare, mouth agape.

Was she really  _ this _ weak…? Or was this boy just  _ that _ strong?

“What floor?” came his next question. He wasn’t even grimacing.

“A-ah, the, uh… The 4th floor.”

“Gotcha.”

He gestured for her to follow along.

“You a first-year?”

“Yeah…”

“Figured. People stop looking like lost kids a couple months in. Not that I blame you… This place is like a fucking maze.”

The boy briefly turned his head to glance back at her.

“I’m Chiba Yuzuru, by the way. You?”

“Minamoto Setsuko-“ she replied just before the implications of what he just said managed to properly set in. She blinked. “Wait, are you not a first-year…?”

He sighed at her question. She instinctively shrunk, wondering if she’d said something wrong. If she had, he didn’t seem like he was going to reprimand her for it.

“ _ That again… _ ” he grumbled. “Nah, I’m a couple years above you, kid. Been here for a while now.”

‘A while’… Setsuko furrowed her brows. Had he skipped some grades in high school…? She’d never met someone like that before.

“Ohh, I see…” she nodded innocently. Aiming for her tone to be as neutral as possible, she then carefully inquired: “Say, how old are you?”

The next few seconds seemed to pass by at a snail’s pace as Chiba stopped in his tracks to give her a tired, flat look. He seemed as though he was contemplating something quite deeply. She didn’t dare meet his eyes. Still, she remained curious.

After what felt like an eternity, he finally replied.

“23.”

_ Ah- Jesus Christ. _ She wouldn’t have guessed. She instinctively mumbled an apology for having been so informal, to which he rolled his eyes.

“Oh, don’t worry about it. You’re fine. I’m not the kinda tight-ass that’d make you grovel on your knees just because you’re a couple years younger.”

Before she could even react, he began walking once again, and much faster this time around. She struggled to keep up despite the fact that she herself was carrying nothing. Her sides were already killing her by the time they’d reached the top of the second flight of stairs.

“Now that I think about it…” Chiba mused, slowing down ever so slightly when he noticed how out of breath she was, “I don’t think I’ve run into you before. Or not here, anyway… Guess we don’t share any classes. What’s your ultimate title?”

Her ultimate title… The title she’d been granted when her application to Hope’s Peak had been accepted… Even though her self-confidence was still so fragile, that was one thing she could definitely be proud of. There were only so many students the college would be willing to allow, after all, especially with tuition being free. Your entrance exam must have gone  _ extremely _ well for you to even have a sliver of hope in that regard.

She replied with a little more courage, albeit also wheezing from the climbing.

“I’m the Ultimate Linguist. I haven’t… been to a lot of classes, so… that might be why.”

Chiba hummed along.

“Not a fan of crowds?”

She was surprised he got that. He grinned; he must’ve taken her caught off-guard expression as confirmation.

“Yeah, I get that. One of my friends is like that too. He’s a real jackass loudmouth in private, and always turns into the meekest little wallflower when we go out anywhere. You’re a hell of a lot more talkative already, though.”

She took that as a compliment. Her heart skipped a beat from joy.

They were nearing the top now. Chiba slowed down even more, allowing her to catch up.

“Oh, yeah, speaking of which… I should probably tell you,” he placed her suitcase back down as soon as he reached the last step. “If you’re rooming on this floor, you’re prolly signed up for the Elimination Game… Is that right?”

Setsuko leaned on her knees as she gasped for air, having run up the last couple steps. Chiba waited patiently for her, casually shifting his weight from one foot to another. He still hadn’t let go of her suitcase. She wondered if he intended to carry it all the way to her room.

She finally nodded. Chiba’s grin widened.

“Well, so am I,” he gave his chest a solid pat. “Ultimate Judoka here. Good thing you ran into me, huh? I can introduce you to everyone else later. Better to get acquainted early on if you ask me.”

The sudden offer almost knocked her off her feet, it was so overwhelming. She’d barely had time to register his title before he’d dropped it on her. For her to speak with so many people… No way, no way…! She would surely faint. This was the very same reason she’d skipped out on each and every one of her introductory classes, fearing that she’d have to sit through the awkward getting-to-know-each-other phase that all of them would inevitably start with.

Not that she’d attended many more after either…

She must have visibly paled at his suggestion, as he backtracked almost immediately.

“Or… I could show you around and tell you a bit about the others in case you bump into them at any point.”

Yes, that sounded much better.

“ _ Let’s go! _ ”

_ English…? _ His accent was pretty thick, though.

_ Well, whatever… _

* * *

Chiba ended up carrying Setsuko’s baggage all the way over to her room. Apparently they were going to be sharing a dorm. Considering there were only 4 dorms with 4 beds each on this floor, saved strictly for the participants of the Elimination Game, she supposed the coincidence wasn’t all that impressive.

There didn’t seem to be anyone inside at the moment, even though he’d mentioned he was already familiar with their other 2 roommates. She honestly didn’t mind; she was far too shy to unpack her belongings in front of other people anyway.

Chiba waited outside in the common room for her to finish organizing all her things.

The dorm was much more spacious than she thought it would be, even if it did have bunk beds. The room on its own easily outdid any of the apartments she’d lived in in sheer size. Each person also seemed to have their own closet and desk as well, both of which, she noted with relief, came with their own keys. She would have a safe spot to store all her poetry.

It didn’t seem as though anyone else had bothered to lock away their own belongings, though.

While the place wasn’t exactly messy, it had already begun to become somewhat cluttered due to the sheer amount of items having been left out. Everything from textbooks and notebooks, to miscellaneous clothing items, to even a couple empty water bottles and soda cans, albeit most of the latter having been restricted to a single corner.

The room she shared with her father back home… was definitely a lot worse. She couldn’t really judge.

She took a peek at the still closed door. Chiba was still outside, and there was no sign of him barging in anytime soon.

A little snooping never hurt anybody.

After haphazardly stuffing all of her clothes into one of the closets and locking away her notebooks in her desk’s drawers, she pocketed the keys, then turned to face the rest of the room.

The first closet she opened appeared to be completely empty. If it hadn’t been for the open suitcase shoved unceremoniously into a corner of the room, she would’ve assumed whoever it belonged to hadn’t moved in yet. Glancing into the suitcase itself, she found it messily crammed full of clothes, all of them rumpled and creased. Even she wasn’t  _ that _ messy- Or she sure hoped she wasn’t… Most of the articles of clothing seemed to be sweatpants, hoodies and graphic tees. The vast majority of them were also either gray or black.

_ Christ. Someone needs a new wardrobe. _ Not that she was one to talk with her gazillion old sweaters, but it wasn’t as though she had the kind of money to be able to go shopping for these sorts of things. The desk closest to the suitcase in question had a bunch of videogame cases piled on top of it, as well as a dual monitor computer and a very fancy microphone. Some of the games seemed to be limited editions as well. The dude clearly wasn’t hurting for money.

She was tempted to take a better look at the games he had lined up, but she didn’t want to make Chiba wait for too long.

The second closet she checked actually seemed to be in use, though its contents were surprisingly chaotic – a stark contrast to the suitcase she’d just finished investigating. Short and long sleeves, tees and button ups, tank tops and crop tops, even a couple themed costumes, hanged up in seemingly no particular order, all of them in bright colors and adorned by eye-catching patterns. There were a couple hats and sunglasses inside as well, alongside a ton of shoes and boots, some of them even high heels.

She ended up closing the doors incredibly fast. The colorful and bright interior was so overwhelming, it had managed to make her feel somewhat dizzy, even if she’d been extremely impressed by what she had seen.

She wished she had this kind of selection at her disposal.

The other two desks hadn’t been set up quite as carefully as the first one, so she had no real way of telling which one belonged to whom. Neither of them appeared to have been used much yet.

She guessed she’d find out sooner or later.

The last closet was more than likely the one that belonged to Chiba, which she became sure of as soon as she opened it. It was the only one that actually seemed to be organized, although it was also somewhat unremarkable in comparison to the previous two, for better or for worse. For the most part, it contained just about what she would’ve expected the average, decently fashionable person’s wardrobe to consist of. Most of the color choices seemed to be leaning towards pastels, although there seemed to be an appropriate outfit for every occasion in there.

Another thing that caught her eye was all of the shoes at the very bottom. From what she could tell, all of them appeared to have either extremely thick soles, or incredibly tall heels. She tried to recall what Chiba had been wearing. He’d been around her height from what she could tell, and any of these shoes would’ve added at least 10 inches to the wearer’s height, which would’ve meant…

She flinched as a gentle knock sounded on the door.

It was probably about time for her to go.

She carefully closed the doors and headed back to the exit.

Chiba didn’t seem impatient at all as he poked his head inside, or not from what she could tell anyway. Maybe he’d gotten worried, or just wanted to make sure she hadn’t forgotten about him. Even though she’d had no qualms about taking her time, she had to swallow the urge to apologise.

Her eyes drifted down to his shoes… and there they were. 10 whole inches tall.

She snapped back to attention when he addressed her again. At first she assumed he must’ve read her mind and the frown he wore must’ve been from her staring at his footwear so intensely. Instead, though, he gestured vaguely in her direction.

“You sure you wanna go out like that? I know there’s AC and all, but…”

Her gaze flickered to his jacket.

“You’re wearing an extra layer too…”

“That’s for fashion,” he stuck out his chest proudly. “Besides, my jacket’s pretty airy. You’re dressed in, like… grandma Christmas sweaters.”

“Oh, you did  _ not _ just say that…!”

“What? I didn’t say they were ugly! You have to admit it, though, that’s exactly what they look like-”

His teasing grin faded a bit as the corners of Setsuko’s mouth turned downwards, lips trembling. Sure, her wardrobe wasn’t exactly impressive, but her sweaters looked just fine, thank you very much! Chiba seemed to momentarily panic at the reaction before he awkwardly bowed his head slightly.

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to upset you. I’m used to… y’know, bantering with my buddies and stuff.”

“Hmph!” Setsuko crossed her arms, turning her head away. Chiba clearly didn’t know what he was supposed to do, and he breathed a small sigh before he carefully addressed her again.

“You sure you don’t wanna take some of that off?”

She glanced at him with narrowed eyes.

“Are you hitting on me?” the retort slipped out before she could stop herself.

Chiba gave her a flat look.

“In your dreams, kid. Suit yourself, though.”

_ Ouch. _ Even if she hadn’t meant it seriously, the way he hadn’t even seemed to give it a single thought kind of hurt. Her shoulders sunk.

His expression settled into something more neutral as he pointed over at the exit.

“You wanna go have a quick look around? Unless you’ve changed your mind and don’t need a tour guide after all.”

She shook her head so fast at that last part her hat almost slipped off her head.

“N-no, I’d still like to go…!”

He shoved his hands back into his pockets.

“ _ Cool. _ Let’s get going, then.”

_ English again… _

* * *

Though she was still sort of pouty about their earlier dispute, Setsuko was still glad to have Chiba to show her around properly. She hadn’t had enough time to familiarize herself with the building on her own yet, after all. The Game wouldn’t take place  _ inside _ the school, sure, but it would still make getting around more convenient if she actually knew where she was going.

The common rooms of the floor were largely the same. Each of them had a couple sofas with a coffee table and a single flat screen. There was a decently sized kitchen in the furthest corner, albeit the appliances and such differed from room to room ever so slightly, probably based on what the others had brought along. Bookcases lined the walls, sinking into a carpeted floor so soft that one could have been quite comfortable walking around barefoot. A linoleum path off to the side was to be followed with outdoor shoes on so as to not stain the carpet, though Setsuko needed that explained to her after her innocent stomping around was interrupted by a lecture on Chiba’s behalf.

She’d never stayed in a place so fancy before, so she had no idea of the etiquette. Each time she was scolded for something, her face would turn and increasingly more and more vibrant shade of red. The only reason she could refrain from bursting into tears was Chiba’s patient and composed attitude.

He must have been a very good, kind-hearted person indeed to be willing to help her out. She almost wondered if one of the professors had put him up to this… It was a bit hard to fathom the idea of someone willingly putting up with her cluelessness to this extent.

Despite all the doubts causing her chest to tighten somewhat, she tried her best to push them down. The last thing she needed was to drive a possible friend away by acting like a nervous wreck around him.

The long, narrow hallways that led to the dormitories had an almost claustrophobic feel to them in contrast to the dorms themselves. It made sense, with how much space the dorms themselves must’ve taken up, not to mention the wide staircases that reminded Setsuko of the expensive hotels she’d only seen in pictures before.

She’d known that the Game was quite popular, of course – it had to be, with it being the school’s main source of funding. It was still another thing to see it in person, especially when she’d only been to the first and second floors before. It was…  _ amazing _ , but also somewhat intimidating. As though she didn’t belong in here. As though… there had been a mistake.

Chiba rambled on nonchalantly as they traversed. He must have been trying to make natural conversation. He talked a fair bit about the school itself, though there wasn’t much he could say that Setsuko didn’t already know. She’d spent several sleepless nights frantically researching the policies and whatnot, wanting to be at least somewhat prepared beforehand.

Not that she actually told him that. She appreciated his efforts. At some point, though, he must’ve figured out that she wasn’t especially interested, and he switched over to talking about the talent program and some of his friends instead.

The talent program, she was already familiar enough with, although their experiences had been different enough to still be sort of intriguing to hear about, especially since Chiba had been attending the school for quite a bit longer. It would be good reference to use for the future… assuming she wouldn’t drop out before that out of fear and impulsiveness.

She shooed the thought away.

The talent program was unique to Hope’s Peak, as far as she was aware. Each student accepted would be assigned an ‘ultimate talent’, and would take courses relevant to their field. Apart from the usual exams and assignments and such, they would also have to present some sort of large, impressive project at the end of their senior year, be it a novel they’d spent years working on, an intricately crafted machine, or some sort of carefully constructed performance. Even if it wasn’t directly related to their title, as long as it was of quality, they would pass and be permitted to graduate.

Graduation from Hope’s Peak would mean that one’s life would be pretty much set for them, due to the school’s reputation. Setsuko had never heard of somebody who’d successfully graduated and  _ hadn’t _ been buried in incredible job opportunities immediately after.

She would probably just settle for a regular, boring thesis… After all, all she needed was a job. She wasn’t willing to take any risks by presenting any of her poetry or novels… As long as she could play it safe, she would be able to help out her father in just a couple more years.

Or… that had been her original plan, if she hadn’t applied to the Game on a whim, and hadn’t actually been selected…

Well, she couldn’t just drop out  _ now _ .

She tried to focus on Chiba’s voice so she could ground herself in reality before she’d find herself trapped in the same patterns of thoughts again.

“Kazuma’s pretty chill. You’ll prolly get along with him just fine… Hard to imagine him  _ not _ getting along with somebody, if I’m being honest,” Chiba mused. “He’s a bit of a weirdo and can be kind of a knucklehead sometimes, but he means well. Just be nice to him and he’ll be nice back.”

Passing by one of the countless paintings hung up on the walls, Setsuko couldn’t help but feel as though the eyes of the figure were staring directly into her soul. She averted her gaze.

“Taka is… uh, well… y’know. He’s a bit of a cranky bastard, but he’s a big softie under all that, I promise. Try not to be too intimidated.”

Easier said than done.

For the rest of the tour, Setsuko kept mostly quiet, aside from an occasional sassy remark or two whenever she felt like she could slip one in safely. Fortunately for her, it seemed as though while Chiba did like to grumble and complain, he wasn’t the type to be genuinely annoyed by that sort of thing. He’d even fire back a line of his own a couple times with a smug, satisfied smirk. It was actually quite nice. It was really the only way she could prevent herself from coming off as overly stiff or socially awkward, so she was thankful it hadn’t been taken away from her.

They did run into a few people, though she didn’t dare speak a single word to them, even when it was someone Chiba already appeared to be good friends with. She resorted to the same tiny, silent wave each time. Most of them seemed to be in a hurry anyway. Figures… Even for people who weren’t going to participate in the Game, today was going to be quite hectic with how many preparations were necessary for it.

It was fine. She’d get to talk to more people properly at some point. Probably. Hopefully.

They eventually parted ways after an hour or so, with Chiba repeatedly reassuring her that she was free to turn to him in the future if she needed any help with something.

Was he always this generous with everybody…? Perhaps he was just trying to be friendly since they were going to be roommates. He did seem like the sociable type.

Either way, he seemed like he’d be easy enough to get along with… so that was one thing that seemed as though it was going to go well, at least. Already better than the millions of worst possible scenarios she’d dreamt up beforehand.

Despite that, she wasn’t feeling quite up to grabbing lunch just yet, with some nerves still remaining, so she decided to head to the library for the time being, hoping to regain some of her composure. She herself didn’t have much to do in terms of preparation anyway. She could sneak into the cafeteria later to grab a quick snack.

She’d kick back and relax for just an hour or two.

* * *

She had made a terrible mistake.

It wasn’t as though she’d intended to spend the entire rest of the day hunched over a thick historical romance novel detailing the story of a noblewoman who had eloped with her lover only to be tragically slain later. Despite that, there she was, finished book in hand, the rays of the setting sun blinding her from the nearest window.

Libraries had always been a comforting place to stay for her, and this one was no exception. The atmosphere was peaceful and quiet, and with how many nooks and crannies there were for someone to hide in, it was no wonder she felt so safe, so at ease. She may as well have clambered into a human-sized ant farm, or one of those hedge mazes.

She made sure to return the book to its proper place before she headed towards the exit.

There were still a couple students around, making use of the lamps that had been thoughtfully placed on each and every desk. Most of them were extremely absorbed in whatever they were up to, and they also seemed fairly tired, with heavy circles under their eyes. Some of them had even fallen asleep, face buried in an open book or a bag of snacks. They must have been doing last minute cramming. Setsuko didn’t feel guilty in the slightest slipping past them without a word, navigating past the tall, sturdy bookshelves, and only giving the librarian a small nod before scurrying right out.

She breathed a sigh of relief before the door slammed shut quite loudly behind her, causing her to flinch.  _ Whoops.  _ She should’ve probably tried to close it more carefully.

She rushed off before she could be scolded.

She managed to find her way to the main staircase, at the very least, so getting to the 4th floor wasn’t too difficult. The challenging part would be getting the room right. She… honestly had no idea which one she was supposed to enter, especially since all the common rooms had been near identical, their subtle differences blending together in her head into one, barely comprehensible mush.

She spent at least 15 minutes pacing back and forth outside, wondering if she could get away with quietly peeking into a few. She was just about to as well, when she suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder.

She let out a high-pitched shriek, reflexively slamming her elbow into whoever had snuck up on her – or trying to, anyway. She only managed to maim herself on the wall. She clutched her now throbbing elbow with a face scrunched up from the pain.

It took her several moments to be able to make out the features of her presumed assailant.

Behind her stood a rather peculiarly dressed guy. If she had to guess, he looked to be a couple years older than her, although if her encounter with Chiba earlier had been anything to go by, her ability to guess people’s ages didn’t seem to be as trustworthy as she had assumed. Untamed teal locks peeked out from underneath his snapback. His lips had curled into an easygoing smile, and he showed no signs of worry at her panicked flailing, only staring at her with curious patience. An unzipped track jacket revealed a brightly colored Hawaiian shirt underneath, which had been tucked into loose-fitting jean shorts. Upon further examination, he seemed to be wearing dark beige tights beneath his open-toe, high-heeled boots… and heart-shaped sunglasses perched on his face. Indoors. At night.

It was certainly a look.

When she finally managed to open her mouth, all that came out at first was a strange, strangled noise.

The stranger cocked his head to the side.

“You good?”

_ No. _

“Y-yes,” she squeaked out. Her arms snapped tightly to her sides, and she straightened her back, preparing to bow. “Uhm, I’m sorry for being in the way-“

“Don’t sweat it,” he grinned as he waved a hand off to the side. He leaned against the closest wall, crossing his legs. “You lost or somethin’? You were pacin’ around like some kinda lost kid.”

_ Geez, why does everyone seem to think that? _

Then again, she had a hard time arguing with it. Forming a soft pout, she lowered her voice to an embarrassed mumble.

“I can’t… find my room…”

The stranger didn’t laugh at her, to her relief.

“Yeah? Who you roomin’ with?” he inquired instead. “Might be able to help you out.”

He had an accent of some kind, though it was so faint she was sure the average person wouldn’t have noticed it. A foreigner…? His fashion sure looked the part, but he was speaking fluently enough, and he didn’t  _ not _ look Japanese.

She fidgeted nervously with the ends of her scarf.

“Uhm, I don’t know if you know him…” she glanced around before she continued, as though afraid a certain someone might overhear and poke fun at her for it. “Chiba Yuzuru-san…”

“For real?” the stranger’s eyes lit up. “Shit, we’re roomin’ together, then!”

It took her a bit too long to realise the hand he held out was for a high five. She felt her face grow hotter as she returned it.

“Oh, yeah…” the stranger snapped his fingers, “I’m Kazuma. First name basis good with you?”

“Huh-?”

She didn’t even have time to respond to that; he’d already strolled up to one of the doors and pulled it open, gesturing for her to go right ahead with a wink.

She staggered inside like a newborn deer.

The common room was shrouded in darkness save for the flat screen she’d seen before. A console had been hooked up to it, the screen displaying a JRPG that she was only vaguely familiar with. A bean bag chair had been dragged over to the TV, with a hunched over figure cocooned in an oversized hoodie comfortably lying on top of it, practically melting into the leather.

As the lights were unceremoniously flicked on, the hooded figure let out a hiss.

“How many times have I told you to keep the lights on?” Chiba’s voice sounded from the side. As Setsuko glanced over, she could see his head poking out of the bedroom, a hand still atop the light switch, expression mildly disgruntled. “Are you  _ trying _ to make me trip over you on the way out, dumbass?”

“As if your fetus legs would even be long enough for that…” came the reply.

Chiba opened his mouth again, presumably to retort in an equally snarky manner, before he spotted the other two stood by the main door. He broke into a grin as he approached them.

“Yo!” he greeted Kazuma with an overly complicated but effortlessly executed handshake. “Was wondering when you’d get back. Thought you might’ve fallen and drowned in the fountain or some shit.”

Kazuma laughed.

“Yeah, sorry. Kinda lost track of time. By the time we bothered to check the time we were starvin’ to hell and back so we grabbed some food too.”

“And you didn’t pick up anything for me? Asshole,” Chiba gave him a playful shove, though he clearly wasn’t upset.

Setsuko stood by on the side quietly as she watched them converse, unsure if she was supposed to introduce herself, and if so, when she was even supposed to interject. It wasn’t like she could just escape to her room and hide… considering she’d be sharing it. She continued fumbling with her scarf, eyes aimlessly darting all over the place until she made eye-contact with Chiba again.

“Oh, yeah, Minamoto,” he greeted her with a wave. She was relieved to see his boisterous attitude dissipate somewhat. “Found your way back here safely, huh?”

She nodded. She watched Kazuma scamper over to the hooded figure from the corner of her eye. He leaned over excitedly to check out what he was playing, already chattering away even more energetically than he’d been before. The hooded figure seemed to mostly respond in the form of various grunts.

Chiba followed her gaze.

“Oh… That bagworm there’s Taka,” he pointed vaguely in the hooded figure’s direction. He received an annoyed grumble, to which he rolled his eyes. “Speak up if you want a better introduction, jackass. I’m not your spokesperson.”

The figure sat up slightly to peek in her direction. Setsuko caught a glimpse of a pair of thick-rimmed glasses before he plopped right back down.

“Hanamiya… Takashi…”

_ Hanamiya-san, then… _

“He’s an eboy,” Chiba added with a smirk. “A real diva. Throws many tantrums.”

A pillow smacked him over the head. He only snickered as he picked it off the floor, placing it onto the nearest couch.

“The walking fashion disaster is Kazuma. Or Kageyama, if you’re a weenie. He’s a good guy, like I said. Bit of an airhead, but, then again, I do happen to be the one carrying the group brain cell here.”

Hanamiya and Kaz-  _ Kageyama _ seemed already too deep in a discussion of their own to pay much mind to them, otherwise Setsuko was sure the former would’ve assaulted Chiba with another projectile. Kageyama had clambered onto the beanbag alongside Hanamiya, an arm comfortably wrapped around him. He seemed to be ruffling his hair.

They must have been good friends.

“Also… Feel free to steal whatever you want from the fridge of the cupboards. Anything off limits will have a label. And if you have any allergies or anything, just let us know.”

Ah… That’s right. She’d completely forgotten to eat apart from the small meal she’d had in the morning. Perhaps the lightheadedness she’d been feeling hadn’t been  _ entirely _ due to anxiety after all.

Still, she wasn’t very comfortable with the idea of eating in front of so many strangers. She decided she’d creep back later by the time everyone else would hopefully be asleep.

She politely excused herself in the meantime. She was really in need of a shower.

* * *

“Y’know, you guys really could’ve been friendlier. Kid’s gonna think you’re some kinda hermits…”

“Mm…? We had a chat in the hallway though.”

“You did-? Well… my point still stands with Taka.”

“…I mean… I  _ am _ a hermit.”

“That’s not- Ugh… You know that’s not what I meant, you jackass.”

“Why do you care so much anyway…? It’s not like you guys know each other.”

“I  _ know _ , but-“

“I know you like stroking your ego and all that, but I’d really rather you didn’t drag me into it.”

…

“Man… that’s harsh. She seems nice! ‘sides, if she’s gonna be crashin’ here, might as well try to get along, yeah?”

“See? Kazuma gets it. Besides… you need some more friends, dude. Before you shrivel up from sad vibes syndrome.”

_ Thud. _

“You can smack me all you like, that’s not gonna change anything.”

“Yeah, whatever… Grab me some chips, would you?”

“What’s the magic word?”

“Fuck you.”

_ Snort. _

“Alright…”

* * *

By the time Setsuko shuffled back into the kitchen, the sun was already coming up. She’d managed to doze off without realising as she’d been waiting for her new roommates to get into bed.

Surely nobody would still be outside by now.

Sleepily rubbing her eyes, she staggered around with one of her arms outstretched like a zombie, bumping into several furniture on the way. She did safely reach the kitchen without falling on her face or otherwise injuring herself, at least.

Cupboard one, check. Mostly chips, crackers, and other salty snacks. A ton of instant ramen.

Cupboard two. Cereal and par-baked bread. Lots of rice and packaged noodles and pasta.

Cupboard three. Dishes.  _ No bueno. _

She finally peeked into the fridge. It was packed full already, as she’d suspected. Everything off limits seemed to have been placed on the top shelf, a sticky note placed on each individual item with the owner’s name written on it in varying degrees of clarity. Chiba’s handwriting was by far the easiest to read, with Hanamiya’s  _ mostly _ legible, and Kageyama’s scribbles so messy Setsuko’s still half-asleep brain would’ve had no way of making sense of it had she not had the other two figured out already.

She stood around for god knows how long before she closed the door yet again, far too intimidated by all the different possible choices. The warmth of an all too familiar comfort food tempted her instead.  _ Instant ramen it is… _

She only noticed that someone had been staring at her after she’d already finished preparing it. She almost dropped the saucepan in her panic, spilling some of its contents over onto the stovetop.

Hanamiya was watching her with sleepy eyes from the bean bag, presumably having stayed there all night. Setsuko turned away, face flushed with embarrassment, and carefully cleaned up the mess she’d made before she took off out in the hallway with the saucepan still in her hands, uncomfortable with having an audience for her meal.

It was only outside that she realised she hadn’t brought any utensils with herself, nor anything she could use as a plate.

She stood around for quite a few minutes, helplessly pacing around before she gave up and begrudgingly began sipping the broth straight out of the pan.

It only burned a little.


	2. Geranium

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> deadass didnt realise how wordy i am until i had to reread my own writing i am so sorry

_ The book fair, surprisingly enough, hasn’t been as crowded as you’d feared it might be. It’s actually been fairly relaxing. You flock from stand to stand, counting the change you have left. You’ve already bought a few books, and there’s only so much you can afford to spend, even though your father has repeatedly reassured you you were allowed to spend it on anything. You’d feel bad, even if you’d been the one who’d earned it. The main reason you’d dipped your toes in publishing so soon was to try to help him out in some way in the first place… _

_ You mutter embarrassed apologies each time you accidentally bump into somebody as you move past booth after booth. _

_ At one point, your chin collides with a shoulder. _

_ The boy you’ve walked into is overwhelmingly apologetic. You compete with who gets the final ‘sorry’ for a bit before you realise you’re not really getting anywhere with how stubborn he’s being, so you let him have it. He then bashfully asks for your assistance. Apparently he’s looking for a book he’s been asked to purchase, but has no idea what he’s doing or where he should even be looking. He mentions he doesn’t read that often. _

_ Your eyes light up. Finally, your time has come. _

_ You guide him to the right booth with pep in your step. _

_ You end up chatting a lot more than you thought you would. He’s surprisingly pleasant and kind. Even if you don’t share all that many interests, you find yourselves discussing TV shows and videogames. It’s… nice. It’s been a while since you’ve gotten to talk to somebody like this. _

_ You continue wandering around long after he’s found what he was looking for. _

_ At one point, you exchange numbers. Your heart is beating so fast. This is so different from what you’re used to. It’s exciting and new, and you wonder if you should take it as a sign from the heavens of some sort. _

_ The setting sun paints the streets in warm shades of oranges and reds by the time you both agree it’s about time you parted ways. Before you can exchange goodbyes, though, the words tumble out of your mouth without thinking. _

_ “Would you… like to go on a date sometime?” _

_ An apologetic, gentle, but also confused smile. _

_ “I, uhm… haha… I’m not really into girls. Sorry…?” _

_ You almost break your ankle as you turn to run away and hide in shame, tears of regret already forming in your eyes. You don’t get very far. You’re not the most well-coordinated at the best of times. _

_ The boy yelps in shock as he catches you in his arms before you can faceplant onto the pavement. _

* * *

Surprisingly enough, Setsuko didn’t wake up as late as she thought she might. She hadn’t bothered to set an alarm after she’d shuffled back to bed, but she still managed to wake before noon. She figured it must have been due to the accidental nap she’d taken earlier.

Two of her roommates still appeared to be asleep, with Hanamiya actually in bed this time around. On the bottom bunk across from her, he appeared to be tangled up in his blanket rather tightly, only tufts of his black hair peeking out here and there. Kageyama lay on the bunk above, snoring loudly, in a position that seemed fairly uncomfortable, limbs twisted in every possible direction. One of his arms hung off the edge of the bed.

Setsuko quietly tiptoed over to the bathroom with a change of clothes in hand before immediately slamming her head into the bedframe.

It took over a minute for her to be able to straighten back up after she was done clutching the newly formed bump with tears in her eyes. Despite the loud noise she had made, though, the other two’s sleep hadn’t been disturbed. They must have been fairly deep sleepers. That was at least one upside.

She noted with relief that the bathroom was empty before she stepped inside and locked the door behind her.

Just like every part of the building, the bathroom was fairly extravagant. There was a separate shower cabin and a bathtub, both of them big enough to easily fit two fully grown adults. The toilet and sink honestly looked a little bit like some scary sci-fi contraptions with all the buttons they had, and the large cabinet with all the toiletries and whatnot inside of it still had lots of leftover space even after everyone had crammed their own belongings inside of it.

Last but not least, there was the full-length mirror hanging off the wall. An incredibly uncomfortable addition, that most certainly couldn’t have been necessary. She definitely didn’t appreciate it, especially now that her hair wasn’t in the way anymore.

She refused to even throw a single glance its way as she changed out of her long nightgown, slipping on one of her usual, layered outfits and a pair of comfy slippers. The warmth of the scarf she wrapped around her neck felt comforting.

She only unlocked the door after she was done brushing her teeth and washing her face, then spending god knows how many minutes attempting to assess if she looked presentable enough to leave. Red indentations around her face indicated where her glasses had dug into her skin when she’d dozed off the previous day, but apart from that… she supposed she could’ve looked a lot worse.

She took a deep breath, and finally stepped back out.

Entering the common room next, figuring that she should at least have some breakfast, she froze almost immediately as she was greeted with an unexpected sight.

At the kitchen table sat Chiba, in a tank top and a pair of boxer briefs. Must have been his sleepwear. That part wasn’t especially shocking, though. As he contentedly munched away at a rather large plate of omelette, the curliest locks of hair Setsuko had ever seen hung over his face, his head almost akin to a tumbleweed, or…

_ That of a hobbit. _ She didn’t actually say it out loud, though. She had a feeling he wouldn’t appreciate the comparison. It wasn’t as though she was completely lacking in common sense.

As Chiba glanced up and spotted her, he actually seemed fairly caught off-guard, as though he hadn’t expected her to be up and awake already.

“Morning.”

Although he appeared to be slightly red, his demeanor was fairly normal.

“Morning,” Setsuko greeted him back, feeling a bit less cautious.

Ah… the kitchen smelled rather nice. She felt quite envious. She’d never been very good at cooking.

“Didn’t think you’d be up so soon. You seemed pretty tired.”

She noticed he seemed to be avoiding her gaze. Her stomach turned. She hadn’t done anything bad, had she…? Had she made him upset somehow? Had she perhaps not washed the saucepan properly after she’d finished using it? Had she left the cabinet open? Or, or-

“Okay, seriously, the staring’s a bit much,” Chiba let out an exasperated huff. His cheeks were now close in shade to his hair. “I’m aware I look like a clown. The straightener’s gonna have to wait, alright?”

_ Ah. _

“A little…” she ended up agreeing without thinking. She quickly scrambled to try to make up for it. “But- But not really in a bad way…! More like… one of those distinguished clowns that performs at fancy parties…!”

His shoulders shook as he stifled a laugh. She realised with anxious glee that he somehow managed to be entertained by her verbal flailing.

“Oh, fuck off. Can’t a guy eat breakfast without being bullied first thing in the morning?”

Upon closer inspection, while she definitely thought he looked a little goofy, it was also sort of… _ cute. _ If he properly brushed and styled it, it might have actually looked quite nice.

She didn’t say that either.

“This is  _ super not cool _ .”

He sure liked saying random phrases in English.

She took her time warming up her food. Chiba briefly remarked on how she ‘really ought to eat something that’s not junk’ when he saw her grab a packet of ramen, though he didn’t exactly insist further. With how much of it had been stockpiled, she could only assume someone here had very similar eating habits. She had a pretty good guess as to who it might have been too. This sort of scolding must have been a regular occurrence.

To her relief, he finished eating just as her noodles were done.

She quietly stared after him as he walked off with a nonchalant wave, presumably to fix his hair and whatnot… and hopefully get dressed.

She noted with silent smugness that she really did appear to be almost an entire head taller than him.

* * *

Sunday… It was the final day before classes would resume. The last day to relax. The last day of peace.

Setsuko knew what she wanted to do.

She had texted the boy beforehand. She wouldn’t just show up unannounced, obviously. Despite him enthusiastically agreeing, though, some nervous tension still remained. They hadn’t gotten to talk properly in…  _ a while _ , which, as usual, led to her lacking sense of object permanence manifesting, a quiet, tiny voice questioning in the back of her mind whether or not they were still on good terms.

She was at least fairly accustomed to it now to the point where she could ignore it pretty consistently for the most part.

She almost slipped and fell on the last flight of stairs, she was in such a hurry.

The humid heat practically slapped her in the face as soon as she stepped out into the yard, having gotten accustomed to the air conditioning inside. The clear, bright blue sky did nothing to help. Most of the students outside were doing their best to stand in the shade, some of them even fanning themselves with their notebooks as they chatted with each other.

The boy wasn’t particularly hard to spot.

Towering over pretty much everyone else in the vicinity, near the main entrance stood Setsuko’s one and only friend, Takahashi Yuki. Though summer was only beginning, he had already tanned quite a bit since the last time she’d seen him. His beach blonde hair had grown out as well; he now was wearing it in a low ponytail. He was dressed in a light, short sleeve button up with a pair of cuffed pants. Apparently he still couldn’t have managed to find many clothes that fit him, as the pants stopped a couple inches short of his ankles, low enough to definitely not qualify as shorts, but not quite as long as they were supposed to be either.

He’d been dressed in even shorter pants the first time they’d met, even though it had been the middle of winter. She remembered questioning if he wasn’t cold like that, and he’d given an embarrassed giggle and a shrug. He’d told her Japanese stores rarely carried clothes in his size.

At the time, she’d found it pretty funny. Later on she’d wondered if she’d have the same kind of trouble. She hadn’t gone shopping for clothes in a very long time.

She was about to catch his attention with a wave when she noticed he seemed to be conversing with somebody.

A petite girl stood by his side. She was talking with a deep frown, her arms crossed over her chest. Her short, curly, chestnut brown hair was probably the feature that stuck out about her the most, especially with how fluffy it looked. Although…

Despite how much shorter she was, she had a sort of…  _ intimidating _ aura that had caused Setsuko to hesitate to approach them. She didn’t really seem  _ angry _ , per se, but there was something about her poised, yet distant body language that felt almost threatening combined with her serious expression.  It was reminiscent of some stricter teachers Setsuko had had experience with… but the girl couldn’t have been a professor, could she…? She didn’t seem particularly old. She had to have been in her early 20s at most…

When their eyes met, Setsuko immediately froze, a wave of shame washing over her for having been caught staring so blatantly. The girl’s sharp, scarlet eyes sent shivers down her spine. She averted her gaze straight away, shuffling off as discreetly as she possibly could to hide behind the nearest pillar, pretending to be occupied with her phone.

_ God, so embarrassing… Please just leave already… _

Fortunately they must have been at the end of their conversation, as the girl soon passed by her, entering the building without sparing her a further glance. Setsuko’s shoulders sank as she breathed a huge sigh of relief.

Takahashi didn’t seem to have noticed anything. He greeted her cheerfully as she approached.

“I haven’t seen you in so long, I almost forgot we go to the same school,” he laughed softly. She flashed a nervous smile in response.

He didn’t need to know she’d had more than enough trouble even dragging herself here the previous day.

“Ah, did you get a haircut?”

_ Of course he would notice. _

“Yes…” she nodded, resisting the urge to hide her face in her scarf. “I, uhm… thought it was about time for a change…!”

She fidgeted for a moment before she continued, her voice lowered.

“You… don’t think it’s bad, right…?”

Takahashi immediately shook his head.

“Oh, no, I think it’s cute! I’ve just never seen you with hair this short before. But I think it suits you,” he beamed.

_ Ah… ‘Cute’… _ Being complimented in such a manner made her heart race even after he’d already turned her down in the past. If only he was into girls…

She shooed the thought away as fast as she could.

She thanked him rather shyly, and clung to his sleeve as they left together.

* * *

She only realised how much her surroundings had been contributing to her nerves when the school had disappeared from view completely, and the weight she’d been feeling on her shoulders was considerably lightened.

She was just glad Takahashi didn’t mind her using him as a shield from everyone they’d walk by.

Of course he wouldn’t mind. Takahashi had always been incredibly kind to her from the first moment they’d met. He was the only person she’d managed to maintain a friendship with as well, despite all the times she’d narrowly avoided blocking him out of shame whenever she’d done something overwhelmingly embarrassing or awkward. Takahashi had been so nice, so understanding each and every time, it had almost made her feel guilty to remain his friend…  _ Almost _ .

Alas, she was painfully lonely, and so she clung to the only person that let her.

He surely deserved some kind of medal for putting up with her neurotic bullshit.

They settled in comfortably at the first café they’d come across, ignoring the stares Takahashi would always get in public. He’d been so used to them, it was hardly a bother, and if Setsuko was honest, it always made her feel better to be around someone that people were more likely to focus on instead of her.

It was a little troubling to feel as though she was  _ also _ being observed, but she supposed that was the tradeoff.

At least the café itself was fairly nice and comfy. Despite the décor being more high-end, the prices were actually fairly cheap, and the atmosphere was relaxed enough for people to nonchalantly chatter. Translucent curtains hung over every window, blocking out the outside world fairly well, dimming the lighting ever so slightly. A jellyfish shaped lamp hung from the center of the ceiling. Framed pictures of the ocean and seashells decorated the walls, and quiet, calming instrumental music played from the speakers.

Takahashi ordered both of their drinks.

“Oh, that’s right,” his eyes lit up, “I almost forgot… I wasn’t expecting you to join the Game! What brought that on?”

_ Good question. _

“I wasn’t expecting me either…” she pouted, frowning at the ornate tablecloth. She was going to try her best not to spill tea onto it. “I’m sort of regretting it…”

Takahashi’s smile faded somewhat.

“Are you okay…?”

“Yes,” she nodded before she’d even registered the question. On second thought… “Maybe not… I don’t know.”

“There’s still time to drop out last minute if you think it might be a bit much.”

“I know that…” her hands curled into loose fists. “I just… It’s not that I don’t want to do it, it’s just… scary. You know I’ve never… been on TV before…”

He placed a large, reassuring hand over her own, practically engulfing it in the process. It felt quite nice. And…  _ warm _ .

She mumbled an apology for her sweaty hands that Takahashi stifled a giggle at.

“I’m sure you’ll be alright. If you want to give it a shot, I’m sure you’ll do just fine. But I do think it’s important for you to make sure you’re not, uhm- jumping off the deep end, you know? I don’t think it’ll help if you freak yourself out too much.”

He was probably right. Still, though… When would a chance like this come around again?

Besides, it wasn’t as though she was only doing this for herself. Even if she knew there was no way in hell that she could win, the possibility was still there, ever so tantalizing. If she could just make it by some miracle… her father might finally be free.

For her father’s sake, she’d be willing to put herself through even something like this.

“…Yes, I know,” she bit her lip. After some consideration, she added: “thank you.”

Takahashi leaned back in his seat.

“I think talking to the others might be a good idea too. I mean, I think it’d help if you felt like you were just around friends.”

Yeah, there was no way she could genuinely feel  _ that _ comfortable around somebody in just the span of a couple days. But the prospect of making friends was definitely something she was up for.

“Actually… I’ve talked a bit to my roommates already,” she gripped her cup of tea carefully with both hands. It had cooled down more than enough by now. “They seem nice… I think.”

Takahashi ordered himself another cup of coffee. He’d already finished his.

She had no idea how he could stomach drinking it black.

“Who are you rooming with?”

“Chiba-san, Kageyama-san and Hanamiya-san,” she listed them off. Technically she hadn’t exactly exchanged words with one, but Takahashi didn’t need to know that.

“Oh, Yuzuru is nice! Kazuma too,” he chirped.

First names for both of them…

“You’re friends…?”

“Yep! I know most of the others too from this round. I figured I’d at least get everyone else’s names if I was gonna give it a shot.”

Yes, that sounded like something he’d do.

Setsuko took a long sip.

After a few seconds of silence, she carefully inquired.

“What do you think about them, then…?”

She trusted Takahashi’s judgement far better than her own.

He tilted his head slightly at the question.

“’What do I think’…? Like, aside from them being chill?”

Ah, good. He seemed to be seriously considering it.

“Well, Yuzuru has helped me out a lot. He’s pretty, uhm- earnest, I think…? Though we’ve only really been talking for about a year or so. But he’s super responsible and considerate. I think he’s pretty easy to talk to too! Or from what I’ve seen of him anyway.”

He took a sip before he continued.

“He’s super proud of his title, I know that. He does Judo. He’s challenged me to an arm wrestling contest before.”

“Wait, what-?”

“Yeah! It was so out of nowhere, I had no idea how to reply at first,” he laughed.

Setsuko’s gaze slid down to Takahashi’s impressive biceps. It may not have been as out of nowhere as he’d thought.

“He probably thought you were some sort of athlete, don’t you think?”

“You think so?”

“Well, you work out, don’t you? What do you think that is, dummy?” she gave one of his arms a small poke. She received a slightly flustered smile.

“Oh, I guess…? But it’s not like my title is sports-related…”

‘Violinist’ may not have been a title one would associate with an athlete, but despite that, she really wouldn’t have blamed anybody for mistaking his title. Takahashi could indeed play music quite beautiful, but she couldn’t deny that his appearance didn’t do much to hint at his more artistic inclinations.

She knew he was a bit sensitive about his looks, though, so she proceeded to lift her cup to her lips once again, hoping her lack of a reply wouldn’t be too suspicious.

“What about the others?”

Takahashi hummed.

“Kazuma is pretty cool! He gets along with most people, I think. I see him a lot at parties.”

“Parties? You go to parties?”

Why was she surprised by that? Of course he would go… Takahashi was the social type, and parties were supposed to be a normal part of college life.

She’d never been to a party in her life.

“Sometimes, yeah! The more lowkey ones are pretty fun. I don’t really go to the crazier ones much.”

“But Kageyama-san does…?”

“Probably,” he chuckled. “I’m not sure. But he seems like the type.”

Her cup was almost empty.

“Is he an exchange student?”

“Mm? I don’t think so. I know he said he grew up in Toronto though. But I’m pretty sure he’s bilingual. I think, uhh- His mom’s from Canada, I’m pretty sure…? He’s been to America too lots, though.”

_ Well, that would explain the accent. _

She’d always been pretty good at telling what region people were from. Probably a side effect of all the research into linguistics she’d done. Granted, with Takahashi, it hadn’t exactly been hard… even if he didn’t have much of an accent, anyone from a mile could tell that he was at least mixed.

His father was from California, if she remembered correctly. He’d grown up in Japan, as far as she could recall, although his family did go on vacations abroad a fair bit. So he wasn’t really a foreigner, but he definitely gave off those vibes.

She’d always been a little envious of him for that. She’d never gotten to travel outside of Japan.

If she could save up enough money for it someday, she would’ve loved to travel with him somewhere.

“And… Hanamiya-san?”

“Hm…”

Takahashi rubbed his chin.

“…I’m not really sure, actually. I haven’t talked to him much. He’s… a bit of a cryptid.”

That, she could easily believe. She’d witnessed it with her own two eyes.

“But… is he nice, at least?”

“I mean, he’s polite enough… or I think so anyway. He’s usually pretty quiet. But I’ve never seen him be rude to anybody or anything. So I think he might just be shy.”

The description he’d given was a stark contrast to the perpetually grumpy and snarky Hanamiya she’d seen so far, which was a little odd, but then again, it was rare that Takahashi had a poor opinion of somebody. Besides, she supposed she herself acted fairly differently around people depending on her comfort levels.

Could he… actually have been shy…? That would’ve set her mind a bit moreso at ease about talking to him… As nice as that sounded, though, she couldn’t really bring herself to believe it. He seemed more like the type that just preferred to be on his own, rather than somebody like her…

She let out a sigh.

As though sensing that she was wrestling with a particularly difficult concept, Takahashi was quick to encourage her.

“I could introduce you to my roommates too, if you want! I promise they won’t bite.”

Perhaps… but not today. She still had to do some grocery shopping so she could stop stealing everyone else’s food… and she still wanted to give socialising on her own another go. In a controlled environment. Perhaps with a videogame. Games always made it a lot easier to talk.

God, she’d missed hanging out with Takahashi.

* * *

By the time the two of them parted ways, it was already nearing evening. They’d spent so long chatting, wandering around the city that neither of them realised how much time had passed until Takahashi got a barrage of text asking for his whereabouts. He’d forgotten that he was supposed to meet up with some of his other friends, apparently.

He gave Setsuko dozens of apologies before he rushed off to catch the subway.

She didn’t really mind so much. Admittedly, as much as she adored his company, she  _ was _ a bit drained, partially due to some of the conversations they’d had reminding her of things she would’ve rather not spent time thinking about.

Besides, she still had some shopping to do. Takahashi had treated her to lunch, so she wasn’t especially hungry, but she couldn’t keep pushing it off forever.

She spent ages trying to find the nearest convenience store to the school on her phone.

She got lost on the way back as well. Of course she did; the subway was awfully confusing, and she hadn’t had a lot of time to adjust to it just yet. She would’ve walked everywhere if she had had the stamina for it.

Alas, she lost around an hour or so just trying to find her way.

Still, she did manage to make do somehow. There she was, having just left the convenience store, eyes still a little red and puffy from the mild breakdown she’d had after she’d walked down the same street for the fourth time. A bag filled with groceries hung from each of her arms. Most of it was boxes of instant or frozen crap; she’d just nabbed whatever would be the cheapest and wouldn’t require her to make a trip to the store every other day.

Her arms were already aching from having to carry so much stuff, but she hadn’t thought to bring a backpack. She’d just have to bear it for a while.

She hurried as much as she could before either her arms or the plastic bags would rip.

It was in the middle of the stairs inside the school where she found the help she’d very much been in need of. As she was breathing heavily, attempting to drag herself up the next step, a hand had snatched one of her bags out of her grip, by which point she’d almost been too exhausted to even react. She almost tripped over herself and fell as she turned around to see who had stolen her food.

Kageyama gave her a cheerful wave.

“Figured I’d lend a hand. You good?”

She nodded faintly.

“Thank you…” her voice trailed off in a wheeze. Kageyama laughed.

“Need me to carry the other one too?”

_ Honestly? Yes. _ By this point, she had no dignity left whatsoever.

She handed over the second bag without hesitation.

Kageyama waited for her at the top patiently as she scrambled to catch up to him after he’d scaled the entire staircase at blistering speed.

“Were you… waiting to ambush me?” she managed between breaths.

“Nah. Was just hopin’ I’d run into someone I knew.”

“In the main hall…?”

“Yeah. Been feelin’ pretty bored. I’ve got no classes until tomorrow, so, y’know.”

_ No, actually, I don’t know. _

“Why didn’t you text one of your friends?”

“Taka’s got classes and Yuzuru shooed me off ‘cause he was tryna study. Told me he couldn’t focus with me badgerin’ him.”

He stated it in such a cheerful manner, Setsuko didn’t even know how to respond at first. She probably would’ve been mortified if she’d just been chased off like that, but this guy seemed to have an endless amount of confidence. He didn’t even seem slightly fazed by it.

_ So cool… _

She wished she could be capable of that.

Entering the common room, she finally snatched back one of the bags so she could start unpacking everything.

She was sort of tempted to sticky her name on everything, but the shame she would’ve felt if someone had pointed it out was too unbearable, even just in her imagination. Besides, even if someone snatched a box or two, she’d still have enough money left to be able to make up for it… hopefully.

She supposed she could always just beg Takahashi to buy her dinner if she ran out.

“Damn, you and Taka have, like, the same diet.”

She snapped back to reality.

“Huh-? Oh… I can’t really cook-“

“Man, me neither. Shit’s confusing as hell,” Kageyama grinned. He’d placed the second bag down by her feet, choosing to just lean against the wall with his hands in his pockets for the time being. “No greens at all though? How’re you plannin’ on growin’ like that?”

“I’m already quite tall…!”

“Are you, now?”

Kageyama’s eyes sparkled mischievously. She breathed out a sigh of exasperation.

Was that his way of making small talk…? She supposed it was more natural than anything she could’ve tried. And it wasn’t as though she didn’t appreciate the effort…! At the same time, though, her eating habits were a source of major embarrassment, and this sort of topic really wasn’t something she would’ve chosen to discuss of her own free will.

“By the way, Kageyama-san… I don’t believe I ever got your title,” she asked instead, shoving the last bit of frozen pasta into the freezer.  _ There we go. _

Kageyama replied without missing a beat, though apparently missing the actual meaning.

“My what?”

“Your… ultimate title…?”

“Oh,” he snapped his fingers. “Yeah…!”

“Yeah-?”

“Ultimate Lucky Student.”

_ Oh. _

“So… you got in through lottery?”

“Yeah. Pretty much,” he lifted a hand to his neck, rubbing it sheepishly. “Pretty fuckin’ boring, I know.”

Well, it hadn’t been what she’d expected, that was for sure. She’d heard of its existence, at the very least, but she would’ve thought the person in question would be a bit more… ordinary. Kageyama seemed anything  _ but _ , even if he wasn’t the most eccentric person she’d come across so far. She could’ve sworn his title would be something either artistic or entertainment related.

“…It’s okay, I guess,” she ended up replying, unsure what else to say. He snickered.

“You’re, like, some language-dude, yeah?”

“…Linguist. How did you know?”

“Yeah! Chiba mentioned it a while back.”

She didn’t think he’d remember. She felt oddly pleased.

“But yeah, I study linguistics,” she perked up, a little more engaged now that she was getting to talk about something she was quite passionate about. “Basically, I research and analyze language, how it’s evolved over time, what sort of things have affected it… Well, I mostly specialize in Japanese- but I’ve branched out over the years. I find language and literature in general very fascinating, so-“

And she talked. And talked. And talked. And it took her an embarrassing amount of time to realise Kageyama wasn’t taking in most of what she was saying, probably because she’d started using technical terms that the average person would’ve been quite puzzled by. She’d never been particularly good at explaining these sorts of things to people unfamiliar with the vernacular.

Her cheeks began to turn red.

Kageyama’s eyes sparkled.

“Yuzuru was wrong after all! You’re not actually a weenie, huh?”

“Wh- Of course I’m not a  _ weenie- _ !” she shrieked, face heating up even more in the process. Where did that even come from? Yes, she may have gone on a small, barely prompted rant, but still…! Geez, that wasn’t a very kind remark…

Kageyama grinned back innocently.

“He was kinda worried you wouldn’t be able to, like, y’know… vibe. But you seem chill enough to me!”

What kind of a person just says something like that so casually…? Still… despite the offense she’d taken at the – admittedly true – accusation, part of her also felt sort of… encouraged by the sentiment. It was just pleasant to be told that she was doing something right in a relatively blunt manner. She found herself feeling flustered, shyly fiddling with her scarf, almost doubting if she’d heard that correctly.

“Do I really…?”

“Yeah!”

_ A smile. _

A giddy sort of happiness began spreading through her, alongside a sense of pride. She almost wanted to grab her past self by the shoulders and shake her.  _ See? I told you it would be fine. _ Almost. The one thing holding her back was the bits of anxiety that had stayed from before, causing part of her to wonder if he was just trying to be nice, trying to put her mind at ease in some way.

She’d never been good at telling if someone was being genuine or not.

At the same time… What good would it do to question his intentions? She would just end up making herself even more nervous.

She stubbornly batted the thought away, and allowed a somewhat shaky, but definitely smug smile to make its way onto her features. She crossed her arms, puffing her chest out ever so slightly.

“Well, of course I am. You can let Chiba-san know as well.”

Kageyama’s phone buzzed before he could reply.

Checking whatever notification he’d received, he tilted his head slightly, unlocking his screen. Setsuko peered in his direction curiously, though she didn’t dare actually say anything. It was more than likely just one of his friends texting him.

A moment later, he shoved his phone back in his pocket, turning to look back at her.

“Wanna see somethin’ fuckin’ awesome?”


	3. Helenium

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feat. best boy natsurin i will not be taking any criticism  
> 

_ You sit out in the hallway, boxed lunch in lap, chopsticks in hand. Everyone else has been bringing such nice lunches, you don’t even want them to be able to peek at your own. Just rice and eggs. Always just rice and eggs, sometimes a little burnt here and there, sometimes not properly cooked all the way. Your father doesn’t have time to cook, and you just can’t figure out what you keep doing wrong. _

_ You’ve read that homemade meals are supposed to taste much more delicious due to all the effort put into them, but it doesn’t feel rewarding at all. It’s humiliating. It reminds you that you’re not good enough, that no matter how hard you try, you’ll never be able to do the sorts of things that everyone else seems to have no trouble with. _

_ If someone spotted you right now, how would they react? What would they say? Would they laugh at you for being so unladylike? Would they look at you with pity? Or would it be the look you’ve become so intimately familiar with? The look that means they’ve become aware of how strange you are, the look that lets you know you’re an outsider who’s allowed to watch, but cannot join and play? _

_ That last one almost sounds like it would be a relief. At least it wouldn’t cause you to get your hopes up. _

_ Even after some time passes, you’ve barely touched your food. _

_ It doesn’t taste good. _

_ You’re not even that hungry anyway. _

_ And so, when the bell rings, you clamber back to your feet. Boxed lunch in one hand, chopsticks in other. _

_ You dump the contents later in a garbage can outside when nobody is looking. _

* * *

This was definitely not what she had been expecting.

Granted, it wasn’t as though she’d had any idea what others would’ve considered ‘awesome’. Regardless, standing in the middle of the hallway, frozen stiff as a snake wrapped itself around her ankle was decidedly one of the last activities she would’ve willingly chosen to spend her free time doing.

She didn’t really have a phobia of snakes. Sure, she would have preferred not to get up close and personal with one if it could be helped, but she was fairly sure that wouldn’t have been considered odd by the average person’s standards. Despite that, she found herself completely unable to move, heart hammering away in her chest so powerfully and rapidly, she was sure it was about to burst out any second.

_ God.  _ She was about to die, wasn’t she? She was going to get bit any second and die from the venom, or be slowly suffocated, or-

“Ah, there you are…! Elizabeth, my darling child!”

The voice barely registered in her mind at first, she was so preoccupied with her imminent doom. The snake, though, lifted its head. Soon enough, it slithered away, heading right towards its owner.

Setsuko allowed her eyes to follow it cautiously, though she was still unable to move.

The boy bent down to allow the snake to wrap itself around his arm, then neck, wearing it like some sort of scarf. Setsuko’s hands instinctively reached for her own, as though worried it might come to life.

The boy gave her a polite smile.

“Thank you for finding my lovely Elizabeth. Oh, I was so worried when she’d disappeared…”

Evidently Natsume Rintarou was by far the strangest person she’d come across at this school so far.

Kageyama had received a text from him earlier, requesting assistance in searching for his pet. The pet’s details hadn’t been divulged by that point, although she really should have known better, considering Kageyama had let her know about Natsume’s title: the Ultimate Herpetologist. It should’ve been a given that he’d have some sort of amphibian or reptile as his pet.

She would’ve said no as soon as she had found out if she hadn’t felt so pressured by both of them expectantly staring at her as soon as they had met up.

Natsume reached out to take hold of her hands.

He was considerably shorter than her, even with his high heeled boots. Fishnet stockings peeked out from underneath the dress he wore – Victorian-inspired, though also fairly modernized. A white glove covered his left hand, and his dark brown hair was slicked back, a large women’s hat sitting atop his head, adorned with ribbons and fake flowers.

Needless to say, his appearance didn’t really bring the phrase ‘bio student’ to mind.

“I am eternally grateful, Minamoto-san. If there’s any way I can thank you, do be sure to let me know.”

Was he always this handsy…? Or perhaps he was just too overwhelmed with emotions in the moment. He’d shaken her hand quite vigorously the first time they’d met just a little while ago.

Natsume’s stare was surprisingly intense despite his soft voice; the excessive eye contact was a bit… uncomfortable. And odd. His eyes bored into her intensely, which might not have been  _ as _ intimidating if his sharp features in combination with his mannerisms hadn’t made him appear as someone to be wary of. She wasn’t really sure what it was, but something about him was just…  _ off. _

His round glasses shimmered in the light of the slowly setting sun.

“O-oh, sure-“ she blinked, finding her voice again. She couldn’t help but keep her eyes on the snake even now, her body still tense. She’d never been around a snake bigger than a shoelace before.

She bit her lip.

Natsume seemed to have picked up on where she was staring.

“She’s quite beautiful, isn’t she?” he beamed. He caressed the snake’s head gently. “A cuddly little sweetheart as well… She loves to give hugs.”

_ Oh, is that what that was? A  _ hug _ , huh? _

She nervously cleared her throat.

“Is… Is it-  _ she _ venomous…?”

He chuckled. It sent shivers down her spine.

“Oh no, she is completely harmless. Even if she had a single drop of venom in her body, she is quite docile. Do not worry.”

Setsuko wasn’t quite sure if she believed that, even if he was the resident snake expert here. She did do her best to allow herself to relax a little more, though, if nothing else.

Upon closer inspection… while it was still anything but relaxing to be so close to it… yes, she supposed the snake was fairly pretty. Its scales were a pearly white, with a couple faint hints of pink here and there. Its beady black eyes shimmered with light as they regarded her calmly. It almost looked like a highly detailed plushie of some sort. If she’d been looking at it from behind glass, she may have even found it cute.

Then it poked its tongue out briefly, and she felt herself flinch.  _ Never mind. This is horrible. _

“Ah, I should notify Kazuma-san to let him know there’s no need to search any further… I would hate to burden his body beyond reason.”

Natsume typed out the text rather cheerfully.

“By the way, do forgive my curiosity, but I am admittedly a tad thirsty for answers-“

He paused at the strangled noise she let out.

“Is something the matter?”

She shook her head with a small grimace.

_ Technically that’s not incorrect, but it sounds so wrong when someone like you says it… _

Natsume tilted his head before he continued.

“As I was saying, I don’t believe I’ve seen you on campus before. Which I find a little odd, if you are a friend of Kazuma-san’s.”

“Oh, we’re not- We’re not really friends or anything. We sort of… just met.”

“I see.”

“I, uhm… haven’t been to a lot of classes.”

“A shame,” he mused. “I believe this sort of setting is excellent for making new acquaintances.”

She opened her mouth, then closed it. Yes, he wasn’t wrong. Despite that, she felt sort of offended that he’d given his opinion at all. As if it was any of his business who she was choosing to talk to…

Her face flushed from shame at her own thoughts. She knew she was being unreasonably defensive. Thankfully Natsume appeared to be by far the densest person she had met when it came to noticing anything off about her behavior.

“I do hope we can be friends, at least,” he smiled.

Okay, at the very least, putting all his oddities aside, Natsume seemed to be incredibly polite. That was definitely a plus in her book. Even if he gave off strange vibes, he  _ seemed _ nice enough. It would have been kind of rude to jump to conclusions about him so soon.

Even if he  _ was _ insanely creepy…

She quieted the thought.

“Y-yes, of course,” she nodded, fiddling with her scarf.

Come to think of it… Speaking of making friends, she supposed she may as well ask for his opinion. Even if she wasn’t sure yet if she could necessarily trust him.

“Natsume-san, could I… ask you something?”

“Yes?”

“What do you think about Kageyama-san?”

Natsume tapped his chin.

“What do I think…? Well, he is rather dashing, I suppose. He takes excellent care of his body. It’s always a pleasure to be in his company,” he spoke with some mild hesitation, his brows furrowing slightly. He seemed as though he was genuinely considering what sort of answer to give. “His fashion sense isn’t exactly my cup of tea, but I do admire his willingness to express himself so freely. And… admittedly, I am somewhat envious of his height. It is a little troublesome to not be able to reach certain things. Asking for help always feels like a bit of a bother, especially when everyone else is occupied, so I often end up having to improvise some sort of stepstool-“

“Oh, no, that’s not what I meant,” she finally interrupted him, albeit with a somewhat uncertain tone of voice. As anxious as the action made her feel, he didn’t seem like he was going to stop talking anytime soon. “Uhm, I meant… more along the lines of… what you think of him as a person…?”

“’As a person’…?” Natsume repeated the words, curiously staring back at her. “Apologies, but I am not exactly sure what you are referring to… I do believe I was describing person-like qualities.”

Her face scrunched up slightly in mild frustration as she attempted to figure out how best to explain herself.

“No, I mean- Like, what is your opinion on his personality?”

“Ah,” Natsume’s eyes lit up. He clasped his hands together. “Well, he is quite kindhearted! Admittedly we do not talk as often as I’d like, but he has shown interest numerous times in my field of research, which has brought me great pleasure. He seems to get along with my dearest child incredibly well as well. Although… I will admit it does not seem as though he’s especially- what’s the word… sharp? I have refrained from mentioning it to him, though, as I have been told it may be somewhat discouraging to hear that sort of thing. Besides, I am always eager to educate him in matters to which my knowledge extends.”

While he took a few pauses as he talked, presumably to gather his thoughts better, he hardly sounded like he wanted to keep things brief. Not that he hadn’t been fairly wordy until now, but it seemed as though any sort of genuine question would warrant a rather lengthy response on his end.

“From what I have observed, he appears to be the closest to Taka-san and Chiba-san.”

_ Taka-san? _

“I am not exactly privy to the inner workings of their relationship, though. I have been informed, however, that Taka-san and Kazuma-san appear to be romantically involved. I’ve been told it’s common knowledge of some sort amongst their friends, even if they have not stated it clearly,” he rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Taka-san is a bit of an enigma to me, if I’m to be honest. I have been unsuccessful in my attempts to penetrate-“

_ Please stop saying words. _

“-the shield he seems to have put up. Not to say that he’s been impolite at all- On the contrary, he has not spoken a single rude word to me. That said, he’s been reluctant to engage in genuine conversation, which saddens me somewhat, as his profession does actually interest me to some extent. Ah, but… you were asking about Kazuma-san, weren’t you? Do forgive me for getting sidetracked.”

“No, it’s okay-“

“In any case, in regards to his title, it doesn’t seem as though he enjoys talking about it. Kazuma-san, I mean… I suppose I don’t find that too strange. I’ve inquired a couple times about the process, as I was a fair bit intrigued, and while he’s at least indulged me, he made it rather clear he himself had no interest in the topic. He has called it ‘lame’, even… Personally I do not believe one should be placing that much importance on such a thing, as it’s merely a label imposed by the school faculty, and does not speak of one’s character-”

Her head was starting to spin.

“-especially as Kazuma-san in particular does apparently have a hobby he actively engages in with fairly nice results. I myself have little interest in it, but I have been informed that he blah blah blah videos blah blah blah skits blah blah blah internet blah blah blah-“

“What’re you guys talkin’ about?”

She practically flew into Kageyama’s arms when he popped up out of seemingly nowhere. She thought she’d be trapped here forever, having to listen to Natsume drone on and on until she’d be completely decomposed. She was far, far too shy to dare to cut him off more than she already had, even if he hadn’t shown any sign of upset because of it.

She hid behind Kageyama for the time being, using him as a sort of meat shield and peeking over his shoulders instead. He gave her a bemused look.

“Oh, you found the lady! Hi there, Lizzie!” he exclaimed when he spotted Natsume’s snake. He immediately reached out to give it a couple affectionate pats. “Congrats!”

“Actually, Minamoto-san was the one who had found her,” Natsume gestured to her, seemingly unperturbed by the way she’d practically scrambled to escape from him. “I am in her debt.”

“Bet Lizzie liked her vibes.”

“Perhaps.”

God, she was surrounded by idiots. Her image of Kageyama as a cool and suave guy was starting to crumble alarmingly fast.

The other two continued chattering on like nothing was wrong.

She hadn’t even retained most of the information Natsume had rattled off. At least, now that she wasn’t directly involved in the conversations, she could finally start composing herself again.

Pretty much the only bit of Natsume’s monologue that she could remember was the part where he’d mentioned something about Hanamiya and Kageyama being in a relationship.

As always, her stomach twisted with envy. She’d never even managed to keep a friend for longer than a few days aside from Takahashi, much less been on a date. Being reminded about it only made her feel more upset.

It was her fault, though, wasn’t it? She felt guilty all of a sudden. Was it even okay for her to feel these sorts of emotions? Was it okay if she felt… sad?

Her chest tightened.

She wasn’t sure why it was hitting her so hard now of all times. Maybe it was just a side effect of how stressed out she had been these last few days. It seemed as though she’d become even more sensitive than before, even though she already hadn’t been particularly thick-skinned to begin with. No matter who she talked to, she’d end up feeling hopelessly inferior and powerless in comparison.

She didn’t belong here. She didn’t belong anywhere.

She wanted to go back home so,  _ so _ bad.

Somehow, she managed to slip away unnoticed.

* * *

She found the way back to the dorm no problem, at least. She hadn’t wandered off too far. Even though the room didn’t entirely belong to her, it was still a relief to step inside and close the door behind her. There didn’t seem to be anybody inside either, which was a definite plus. The last thing she needed right now was to be caught in the middle of a meltdown.

She practically dove into bed, wrapping the covers around herself, cocooning herself up like some sort of caterpillar from head to toe. She wasn’t going to be able to sleep yet. She knew that. She just needed a safe space to cry for a bit. That was all.

The air underneath soon became so hot it was almost suffocating, but she didn’t care. Her cheeks were wet with tears. She was a loud crier. Always had been. It was one of the many things she could never quite get under control no matter how hard she tried, which was why she was glad nobody was around to hear her.

She wanted to go home. She missed her father, she missed her room, she missed their cramped, decrepit apartment with all of its leaks and chipped paint and the windows that would never quite close all the way and and-

Her phone buzzed.

She’d been lying around for a while now. She had gradually quieted down over time from sheer exhaustion, though she had no idea how much time she’d spent in her blanket prison. She couldn’t even tell if she was feeling any better like she would’ve expected.

She carefully lifted the covers off her head.

The cool, refreshing air hit her like a hurricane.

She sat up. She fumbled for the glasses she’d hastily chucked onto the mattress, relieved to find the lenses weren’t cracked. She slipped them back on after a moment of hesitation, though not before making sure to rub her face all over with her sleeves in an attempt to dry it.

Takahashi had sent her a short text, asking if she wanted to go out again some other time without the excursion getting cut short.

She found herself feeling choked up once again.

She had no idea what she would’ve done if she didn’t have him. Without him, she might not even have had the courage to apply to college to begin with.

She sniffled.

Better save the reply for when she’d be more coherent.

She clambered out of bed.

There was one thing that she hadn’t tried yet. One thing that might ease all these intense emotions she’d been feeling just a tad, just enough for them to be bearable.

She staggered towards her desk.

Producing the key from her pocket, she unlocked the drawer she’d dumped all her notebooks into. She plucked out the one on the very top. It was the only one she hadn’t filled yet. She turned page after page until she reached the first empty one, fumbling for a ballpoint pen.

She began writing.

Her poems weren’t anything spectacular. Most of the time she would only use them as an outlet for when she needed to vent but felt too embarrassed to open up to Takahashi. Some of them hardly even had proper structure to them. But they contained her deepest thoughts and emotions, her fears and insecurities, secrets that she would never tell anybody… so she held them very dear to her heart. She wouldn’t have dared to show them to anybody in a million years, but having a space where she could let out all the feelings she had pent up made her feel just a tad more stable and at peace.

And so, she wrote… and wrote. In messy, hurried scribbles, she poured out everything that had been on her mind these last few days. The anxiety she had felt as she’d packed her belongings back home. The ever-present worry that even if all the stars aligned, she would still fall short of her already low expectations for herself. The humiliation she’d feel each time she’d act awkward in front of somebody, the fear that they would judge her for it and categorize her as a good-for-nothing. The yearning she had for just one peaceful, serene place where she could catch her breath and allow her rushing thoughts to slow down for a bit. And the stubborn determination that still remained despite all that, that told her she had to hold out for just a little longer, that she just had to try a little harder.

She missed her home so bad, but she didn’t want to go back. She  _ couldn’t _ go back. As comforting as the thought felt in the moment, the image of her being locked in her room, alone for the rest of eternity was proving to be far more powerful than anything she’d been worrying about.  _ That _ was the worst case scenario. Not making a fool of herself. Not being made fun of. Not even being thought of poorly, or being considered a nuisance.

Being stuck alone forever was her biggest fear.

She managed to fill 4 entire pages before she stopped.

To her relief, it seemed as though the calming ritual had worked. She hadn’t recovered entirely, by all means, but being able to vent everything out had allowed her to rationalize things a little better in her head, and managed to soothe her somewhat. She didn’t feel the same overwhelming despair she’d been so suddenly stricken by earlier.

Yes… She was going to be okay. Or that was what she told herself anyway, doing her best to reinforce the small bits of hope sprouting in her heart again.

The first few steps were always the hardest. She knew that already.

She closed the notebook with a heavy sigh as she leaned back in the chair she’d staggered into.

Now that the panic had subsided, the exhaustion had hit her like a freight train. As much as she craved companionship, there was only so much socialising she could handle before her energy reserves were depleted completely, and she’d crossed that line a good while ago before she’d bumped into Natsume.

She made a mental note to apologise to both him and Kageyama later for slipping away like that. What happened hadn’t been either of their fault, and the last thing she needed right now was to be thought of as rude or antisocial.

Ah… she still had to reply to Takahashi’s text as well. She was sure he would’ve understood if she’d left him on read, but she would’ve felt guilty regardless. He was such a nice guy, he didn’t deserve to get caught up in her oversensitive emotional turmoils.

It took her over 10 minutes to compose a short little reply of agreement and gratitude, 8 of which she spent staring at the screen and reading the message over and over to make sure she hadn’t written anything wrong.

Takahashi was quick to reply with a smiley face.

She made sure to lock the drawer once again after she’d hidden her notebook inside.

* * *

**stan ayano** Today at 8:13 PM   
why the FUCK would you tell her that askjskaja WHAT IS WRONG W YOU

**lil pika** Today at 8:13 PM   
IS THAT BAD???

**stan ayano** Today at 8:13 PM   
YES

**lil pika** Today at 8:13 PM   
idk dude she didnt sound that upset about it

**stan ayano** Today at 8:13 PM   
i literally do not trust you

**taka b miya** Today at 8:14 PM   
lol

**stan ayano** Today at 8:14 PM   
GO AWAY

**lil pika** Today at 8:13 PM   
sorry i guess :(

**stan ayano** Today at 8:14 PM   
like *i* would not wanna hear that my guy what makes you think *she* would be okay w it

**stan ayano** Today at 8:14 PM   
shes gonna think im like some

**stan ayano** Today at 8:14 PM   
idk

**stan ayano** Today at 8:16 PM   
weird creepy dude i guess

**lil pika** Today at 8:16 PM   
ur overthinking it

**lil pika** Today at 8:16 PM   
but tbh it is kinda weird

**stan ayano** Today at 8:17 PM   
what

**lil pika** Today at 8:17 PM   
seeing u be so nervous around someone

**stan ayano** Today at 8:18 PM   
man im not fucking nervous stfu you guys are making it sound like im just not allowed to be nice o anybody ever

**stan ayano** Today at 8:18 PM   
*to

**lil pika** Today at 8:18 PM   
nyo i mean like

**lil pika** Today at 8:19 PM   
whyre u stressing so much abt it

**stan ayano** Today at 8:20 PM   
idk dude maybe i just wanna make sure no civil wars break out in the next few months did you stop to think abt that

**taka b miya** Today at 8:20 PM   
its bc hes a weenie around kids

**taka b miya** Today at 8:20 PM   
trust me ive seen it

**taka b miya** Today at 8:21 PM   
its his oniichan genes awakening he wants to be called yuzu-nii

**stan ayano** Today at 8:21 PM   
im gonna murder you in your sleep

**lil pika** Today at 8:22 PM   
awe

**stan ayano** Today at 8:25 PM   
i s2g

**lil pika** Today at 8:26 PM   
oh but

**lil pika** Today at 8:26 PM   
i mightve made her upset

**lil pika** Today at 8:26 PM   
just in a diff way

**stan ayano** Today at 8:26 PM   
im

**stan ayano** Today at 8:27 PM   
excuse me

* * *

_ Knock knock. _

_ Creeeaaak… _

“Oh, uhm… I’m sorry, I was just taking a shower…”

“Ah, damn… Sorry. Thought it was one of the other two in there. I’m still not used to rooming with other people.”

“It’s okay- I was just about done anyway.”

_ Fidget fidget. _

“Actually, though… I did have something I wanted to talk to you about, so good thing I ran into you.”

“Oh, you did…?”

_ Gulp. _

“You don’t have to look so serious, it’s nothing big. Promise. I heard from Kazuma about what happened earlier- Why are you bowing-? Anyway… I figured I’d let you know… feel free to bonk him over the head if he becomes too much, okay? I mean, not literally, but- Y’know.”

“…Oh. Oh, no, it wasn’t Kageyama-san’s fault- Or Natsume-san’s, for that matter…“

“You sure?”

“Yes! I just… needed a bit of space. I’m not… good at speaking up, I guess. So that was my bad.”

“Well, if you say so. Just thought I’d mention it just in case. Kazuma can be pretty dense when it comes to picking up on people’s boundaries and shit.”

“I’ve noticed… I mean-“

“No, don’t take that back. Trust me, he knows. We like to bully him about it.”

“Ah.”

“But, yeah… I get that it’s prolly super scary and all, being around a bunch of people older than you… but you’ll be fine. Nobody here bites. Or nobody worth talking to anyway.”

“Yes…! I know. Really, I’m okay. I just need a bit of time. I’m not a baby.”

“Wasn’t implying otherwise.”

“Then why do you keep calling me a kid?”

_ A laugh. _

“Does it bother you?”

“Yes, actually!”

“Oh… Oops. Shit. Haha, uh-“

“…No, not really. Or not enough to warrant an apology or anything. But still! Just because I’m kind of nervous doesn’t mean you should treat me like I’m some- some-  _ weenie _ !

“’Weenie’-?”

…

_ Snort. _

“Christ… Yeah, alright. Sorry, ki-  _ Minamoto _ .”

“ _ Hmph. _ ”

…

“Don’t stay up too late. I’ll have my hands full so I won’t be able to drag you out of bed too.”

_ ‘Too’…? _

“I know…! I’m not-“

“Yes, yes, I know. Now let me in there so I can shower.”

_ Shuffle. _

“…Thank you, Chiba-san.”

“Huh-? Oh… Yeah, no problem.”

* * *

_ Dear Dad, _

_ Are you doing okay? I hope you don’t miss me too bad. I suppose housework has probably been easier without having to clean up for my messes. I promise I’ll figure out how to stop shattering plates while I’m away. I’m still having to do the dishes by hand so the chance is there. In the meantime, if you end up feeling lonely, do feel free to let a couple stray cats inside and just pretend everything they broke was my doing. _

_ In any case, here is my first letter, as promised! I told you I wouldn’t forget! The post better not lose it or I’ll be really mad. _

_ The first 2 days weren’t too bad! My roommates seem really nice. It’s a bit weird to be living with so many people, but I’m sure I’ll get used to it with time. Everyone has been super accommodating. The place is really comfortable too! It kind of feels like I’m staying at an expensive hotel… I’ll email you some pictures sometime if I can remember to take a few while the sun is still up. _

_ I went out for coffee with Takahashi-san as well. We had a lot of fun talking. We found this really cute café; I’ll send pictures of that as well if I manage to remember. _

_ Not much else has really happened so far. I’m kind of nervous about tomorrow, but I’m sure everything is going to be okay. I’ll let you know how it went afterwards. _

_ Love, _

_ Setsuko _

_ P.S. Please try to take it easy with work if you can, okay? And please don’t send me money in the mail. I know you said you were worried it wouldn’t be enough, but there’s free lunch here anyway, and it’s not like I have to worry about bills, so I’ll be fine no matter what. If I find out that you’ve sent me anything I’ll return it personally! You need the money more than I do. _


	4. Peony

_ Your mouse hovers near the submit button. You sure hope nobody is peeking over your shoulders right now. The computer room is near empty, so you know you don’t have much reason to worry, but you can’t help but feel tense anyway. _

_ The Game has been one of the university’s main draws for quite a few years now. It was an annual game show featuring students with ultimate titles competing against each other or performing group activities, and getting voted off one by one until the final one standing would win a prize of their choice. Considering the school had a far reaching influence, and the prize had practically no limits, it was a tantalizing option for many. _

_ You wouldn’t have given it a single glance if Takahashi hadn’t mentioned considering applying for it. _

_ It was natural that he’d be interested. He’s always been fairly extroverted, and he’s performed in front of an audience many times. You didn’t really question it when he brought it up. You simply wished him good luck. _

_ Since then, though, it’s been gnawing at your mind. Not as an actually realistic option, of course…! It’s not like it would be likely that you’d get picked even if you applied anyway, considering at least a hundred or so other people would also sign right up for it. The chance is minuscule. Not even worth considering. _

_ And yet, your mouse continues hovering around the same spot. _

_ The chances being so low actually makes it easier for you to work up the courage for it. You won’t be selected anyway, so there’s no harm in adding your name in there. Just so you won’t regret  _ not _ going for it in the future. You’ll just congratulate or console Takahashi depending on whether or not he gets lucky, and go on with your life as normal. You won’t even have to tell him you’ve applied for it. It can just be your secret. _

_ A sudden burst of adrenaline is enough to get you to finally push the button. You regret it pretty much immediately, of course. What’s done is done, though. There’s nothing you can do now. Besides, even if they do end up picking you by some miracle or curse, you’ll still have the chance to turn them down. _

_ Yes, that’s right. You’ll be just fine. Just turn off the computer and pretend that nothing happened. _

_ There’s no way an impulse decision could possibly backfire on you. _

* * *

She almost overslept.

In her defense, it had been pretty difficult to fall asleep last night due to the feelings of impending doom looming over her the entire time. With how tight her stomach had been, it was a wonder she hadn’t developed abs yet. She’d spent many hours tossing and turning awake, listening to Kageyama snoring and Chiba shuffling in his sleep, occasionally muttering an unintelligible word or two.

She  _ must _ have fallen asleep at some point, though, because there she was, blinking up at Kageyama hovering over her, her mind still fuzzy from having gotten just woken up. As soon as he saw that he was awake, he grinned.

“Mornin’, Minamoto. Better hurry up if you don’t wanna be left outta openin’ day.”

_ Oh, shit. _

Setsuko sat up so fast, she ended up banging her head on the bunk above her.  _ Ow. _ If nothing else, the pain did manage to properly wake her up, though. As she cradled her forehead with a grimace, the rest of the room gradually cleared up in her vision.

The morning sun was almost blindingly bright as it shone in through the tall windows. The trash she’d seen lying around had finally been cleaned away, though she had no idea by whom. Chiba, maybe. Kageyama stood by her bedside with his hands in his pockets, dressed startlingly ordinarily for once, in a white button up with rolled up sleeves and dress pants.

_ Right… because of the ceremony… _

On the opposite side of the room, Chiba was doing his best to coerce Hanamiya out of the blanket burrito he’d formed himself into. He also appeared to be wearing rather formal clothing, although his blazer was also ever so slightly larger than it probably should’ve been. He’d click his tongue each time he’d have to keep the sleeves from slipping too low.

“Come on, dude, you’re the one who signed up for this. Move your ass before I move it for you.”

A muffled grumble came from beneath the blanket. Chiba glanced at Kageyama with a pleading look.

“Help me out here, man.”

Setsuko crept by them with an armful of clothes, quietly entering the bathroom so she could get ready, a fair bit embarrassed that Kageyama must’ve gotten a good look at her sleeping expression and bedhead. She splashed cold water onto her face until the blush receded.

She took her time getting herself to look presentable, even though she probably shouldn’t have. But she couldn’t hear anyone hurrying her, so it was probably fine. Or that’s what she told herself anyway. She was mostly just procrastinating on the inevitable; a small luxury that she had to allow herself in an attempt to keep whatever composure she still had in her.

She didn’t have many formal clothes. In fact, she really only had a single shirt that wasn’t a print tee, though she figured pulling one of her less worn out sweaters over it should hopefully help with the look a bit. Then a long black skirt, long enough to cover up most of her battered sneakers. Lastly, one of her usual scarves, wrapped around her head partially to shield her from the sunlight.

She wasn’t that ashamed of her haircut anymore. Not after Takahashi had complimented it.

It seemed that Chiba and Kageyama succeeded at dragging Hanamiya out of bed just as she stepped back out.

Coincidentally, this was also the first good look she managed to get at Hanamiya in particular. She’d only ever seen him in passing before, half the time with lighting so bad she could barely make out his features.

He was fairly tall; not quite on Takahashi’s level, but still a fair bit taller than everyone else in the room, even despite his slouched posture. He seemed to be sporting a messy black pseudo-bowl cut, with a single lock bleached white. His face was round, even a little chubby, with visible dark circles underneath his half-lidded eyes. He must not have gotten a lot of sleep either.

Though, come to think of it, half the time she’d stumbled into him, he’d been either asleep or had been in the process of waking up.

The stretched out hoodie he wore seemed to line up with his usual choice for sleepwear.

He batted a sleepy hand in Chiba’s direction, grumbling at the lecture he was in the middle of receiving. He fumbled to slip on his glasses, gently shoving Kageyama out of the way, who was happily chirping away with a ridiculous amount of energy. As soon as his and Setsuko’s eyes met, his face settled into a scowl.

She jumped.

She was out of the room in the next second.

Nice? As if. Hanamiya seemed anything but, no matter how much everyone else had tried to reassure her. Sure, she was aware she could be rude from time to time as well, but she didn’t get along with people who just had a perpetual sour attitude. And every single time she’d run into him so far, he seemed to be in a bad mood. She had no reason to put up with that.

She nodded to herself.

She clutched the letter she’d written to her father in her hand. Would she have enough time to send it before the ceremony would start…? She vaguely remembered there being a small post office inside the school. If she could just find that within the next half an hour, she should still have plenty of time left.

She decided to pass on breakfast for now, as she didn’t feel like she’d be able to get down anything in her current state. She’d just get a snack later once her organs were done threatening to turn themselves inside out.

For now, she had to get to searching.

* * *

She shouldn’t have even tried. She  _ really _ should’ve left the letter for later. She should’ve known better, but her anxiety had gotten a hold of her once again, and the paranoid thoughts that something bad might happen to it if she didn’t send it in _ this exact hour _ wouldn’t leave her mind.

Her heart was hammering loudly in her chest as she sprinted through the hallways, doing her best to ignore the confused and concerned looks thrown her way by other students and faculty. She’d managed to take care of the letter. Great! She still had yet to get to the gymnasium, and she only had about 20 minutes left, more or less. She could tell she was drenched in sweat, and she was already wheezing pretty hard. God, she wished she was more athletic.

She practically burst out through the main door into the yard, narrowly avoiding tripping over the stairs and tumbling right onto the concrete. She could’ve sworn her heart stopped in that moment. It was fine, though! She was fine! She was still good to go. She was back to running as soon as she regained her balance, squeaking out apologies as she pushed past a couple passersby.

And then, within moments, she found herself on the ground.  _ Huh. _

She was so dazed, it took her far longer than it should’ve to realise what had happened.

She had collided with another rushing student and ended up getting knocked down – thankfully onto the grass. Her skull had been spared. Her shoulder was still throbbing, though. She just hoped she hadn’t twisted it or something.

“ _ Oh my gosh- _ Are you okay!? I’m so sorry- Here, let me…”

A hand was being outstretched towards her. Strong and calloused, with trimmed nails. Setsuko took it reflexively, only to then be unceremoniously pulled to her feet with such ease, she was left speechless for a moment.

A girl stood in front of her, cheeks faintly pink, lips curved into an apologetic, bashful smile. Though the girl was visibly shorter, her broad shoulders and muscular build did a lot to explain why Setsuko had been the one to get knocked down. Like a bear cub crashing into a baby giraffe… Her long, ginger hair was tied into a ponytail, and a tank top was plainly visible underneath the short sleeve dress shirt she wore. Her white sneakers looked used, but definitely not as worn-out as Setsuko’s own.

_ An athlete. _ She was  _ definitely _ an athlete. Even though Setsuko was doing her best with eye contact, she couldn’t stop her gaze from flickering down to the girl’s visibly bulging biceps.

Her face felt as though it was on fire.

“You’re not hurt, right?”

Oh, right- Of course she’d be concerned. Setsuko shook her head, having some difficulty with her words. The girl’s shoulders sunk with relief. She took a step back.

“Thank god… I’m really sorry, I’m just- I sorta have somewhere- I’m running late, so- The gym-“

Setsuko had no idea how she managed to piece that together, but she somehow succeeded.

“Oh- Me too,” she blurted out, voice just a tad unsteady. The girl blinked. “The gym…! I’m going to the gym, so-“

“Ah, uhm- Do you need help finding the way?”

She didn’t really, but following the girl around appealed to her a lot more than just emerging completely on her own and having everyone else stare at her. So she nodded. The girl gestured for her to follow her.

“Hayama Momoko, by the way. Haha, uhm- Nice to meet you…? Sorry for pummeling you like that…”

“N-no, it’s okay… Hayama-san…”

_ Breathing is agony. _

“Just Momo is fine- Are you okay there-?”

“Yes…!”

_ Lungs crying. Death can’t come soon enough. _

She almost straight up collapsed at the entrance, needing to grab onto the nearest wall to support herself.

Hayama rushed over to one of her friends. She seemed to be getting scolded, though it also didn’t seem too serious. She gestured vaguely in Setsuko’s direction at one point, which must have meant that she mentioned at least  _ something _ about her, but there was no opportunity to inquire, as Setsuko soon felt a hand tap her back.

She shrieked.

Kageyama appeared mildly concerned about her reaction for a change. He was also very much invading her personal bubble, causing her to instinctively stumble backwards.

“You good?”

Before she could reply, Kageyama received a light smack on his shoulder.

“Enough harassment, dude,” Chiba popped out from behind him,  _ thank god _ . He greeted Setsuko with a wave that she returned just a little awkwardly.

Kageyama didn’t seem particularly upset that he’d been called out; he took a moment to properly assess the situation before he realised he was making her uncomfortable. He discreetly lifted a hand to mouth a ‘sorry’ at her, then hooked an arm around Chiba’s neck.

“Thought you might never get here,” he grinned at Setsuko. “This guy here was just about to go out lookin’ for you.”

“I was not- Don’t make me punch you.”

Chiba sounded fairly exasperated. She wondered if dragging Hanamiya over here might’ve sapped the majority of his energy.

Speaking of which…

Hanamiya should’ve been here too, right?

The gymnasium itself was quite large, just like every other part of the school, although it was also probably the most spacey area aside from the yard. Most of the equipment had apparently been cleared away to make space for the Game itself, instead replaced with lots of filming equipment, chairs for the camera crew, and lights that were so bright they hurt to look at. There were a few tables pushed into a corner, with water bottles lined up on top. The huge windows seemed to have been covered up by thick curtains, blocking out the harsh sunlight. The center seemed to have been decorated to resemble some sort of stage in an arena theater, with the majority of the lights focused on it.

Most of the students were all huddled in one corner, with a couple chatting with the crew themselves, possibly receiving instructions.

Hanamiya was indeed around, though he was stood so far away it took her longer than expected to be able to locate him. He appeared to be currently having his ears talked off by Natsume, leaning into the closest wall with his entire body, looking as though he might doze off right then and there any second. Natsume didn’t even seem remotely bothered, gesturing with his hands passionately as he droned on and on, receiving an occasional slight nod, a shake of the head, or just a silent stare.

They seem to have managed to get him to dress up properly, at the very least. He didn’t seem entirely awake yet, so she doubted he would’ve done so of his own volition considering what she’d seen of him so far.

Kageyama and Chiba both followed her gaze. Kageyama lifted his arm briefly, as though considering rushing over, but he plopped it back down soon after.

“Taka’s just being emo over there. Don’t mind him,” Chiba shrugged. “He’s like this every morning.”

_ More like 24/7. _ She wasn’t even sure why she expected to see anything different.

_ Wait… That’s right!  _ Her eyes lit up. Takahashi should’ve been around too, right?

She turned her head wildly to see if she could find him.

“You lookin’ for somebody?”

“Have you seen Takahashi-san?”

“Takahashi?” Chiba raised a brow. “You guys are friends?”

_ Ah. That hurt a bit. _ Then again, she should’ve figured he hadn’t mentioned her to anyone when nobody recognised her by name. Besides, that didn’t mean much, right…? It probably just didn’t come up in conversation.

“Yeah. We are.”

“Well, he shouldn’t be too hard to spot…”

That’s what she thought as well, but there seemed to be no sign of him.

“Might be runnin’ late too,” Kageyama suggested. Setsuko frowned.

“He’s never been late meeting me before…”

“He tends to disappear on Mondays. Dunno where. Should be fine, though. Dude always shows up in the end.”

“God, this is stressing  _ me _ out,” Chiba grumbled. “Can we just pretend everything’s fine?”

“What I just said, my guy.”

“Good. Stick with it, then.”

One of the crew made eye contact with Setsuko as she was scanning the room for Takahashi, and she felt her heart sink. Uh oh. She was being waved over.

She excused herself with a quiet apology.

* * *

She’d never worn makeup before. It wasn’t like she had the money to be able to afford it.

Well, if anything was going to change her mind on it, this was probably it. Having a professional makeup artist assigned to you and change your appearance completely until all your imperfections were gone sounded like a dream, which is why she felt so odd staring at herself in the large mirror set to the side. She was still herself, yes. She could hardly recognise any of her features, though.

The only downside was the discomfort. She didn’t exactly enjoy the feeling of it on her skin, having to resist rubbing it off her face with all her willpower.

It might also have been a lot nicer if she hadn’t had to endure all the muttered rude comments about her appearance as people would pass by.

It had taken all her self-control not to burst into tears and run and hide.

At least she’d been allowed to keep her clothes. She wasn’t sure what she would’ve done if she’d been instructed to change as well. Probably would’ve had another involuntary meltdown.

Everyone else was being given similar treatment. Some were tolerating it better than others. She felt a little awkward, spying on the others from the sidelines, but she wasn’t just going to run up to somebody and bug them while they were having their faces fondled.

She was startled to recognise the girl she had seen with Takahashi before from the corner of her eye. The girl with the curly hair, the one who had seemed so genuinely intimidating before… and still did, really. Even as she had her eyes closed, she was emanating such a terrifying aura, Setsuko knew she’d never in a million years have the courage to approach her.

She didn’t think that she’d end up having to participate in the Game alongside her. Hopefully she’d survive.

She saw a couple other people that looked vaguely familiar as well, though she didn’t have too much time to examine their features more closely, as she was soon met with someone that almost caused her to cry tears of relief.

She must’ve missed Takahashi the first time he’d entered, whenever it happened. She supposed she’d been fairly occupied with the makeup and all that… But there he was, standing around with his hands by his sides, discreetly fidgeting with his fingers.

When he noticed her staring, he looked briefly taken aback. He strode over after a short moment of hesitation.

“Minamoto-san- That’s you, right? Oh, gosh…”

A nervous laugh slipped out.

“I thought you were someone else for a second there…”

She really didn’t blame him for that.

Takahashi himself didn’t look all that different, though his features had definitely been softened somewhat. He looked considerably less intimidating than he normally would’ve, which she was sure he must’ve been grateful for.

“How are you holding up?” he inquired.

As if she needed an excuse to vent to him by this point.

“God, you have no idea… I’m so tired, I’ve been dizzy for the last 2 hours, everything hurts- I feel like I’m going to implode…”

He flashed a sympathetic smile.

“It’ll be over before you know it.”

“I know… That doesn’t make everything that comes before suck less, though.”

“Yeah… If it helps, though, you’re not the one taking it the worst, I don’t think.”

“I’m not?” she blinked up at him.

He gestured in the direction of a student who seemed…  _ vaguely _ familiar. He was slumped against the wall, seemingly doing his best not to collapse. A short, plump girl appeared to be tending to him, probably giving him some sort of pep talk just based on the way she was bouncing around.

Strangely enough, the sight did actually make her feel slightly better.

“Besides, I’m kind of nervous too…” Takahashi lifted a hand to sheepishly rub his neck.

“I thought you were already used to performing…?”

“This is… different. With music, you can sorta… anticipate how it’s gonna go, you know? I haven’t really done any improv stuff in front of a crowd before.”

Well, she supposed they both should’ve been grateful there wouldn’t be an audience aside from the crew, then. Or not one that they could see anyway.

_ If only it wasn’t live… _

Takahashi flinched as he was smacked right on the shoulder, though his expression lit up when he saw who’d done it.

“What’s good, big guy?” Kageyama high fived him. He was just as energetic as he’d been before. He didn’t look as though he was worried in the slightest.

_Didn’t Natsume-san mention one of his hobbies being performance-related…?_ _Or…?_ Ah, she couldn’t remember.

“Man, I’m, like, meltin’ over here. Wish they’d crank the AC up higher.”

“I don’t really know how much help that would be with this much of a crowd…” Takahashi laughed.

“Dude, Natsurin brought a fan. Big brain. Dunno why I didn’t think of that.”

_ Natsurin- _ That must’ve been Natsume. Scanning the room once again, Setsuko managed to spot him with a traditional-looking handheld fan in his hand this time around. Where had he been keeping that until now…?

She briefly wondered if she’d look cooler holding one just like that before immediately getting embarrassed over the idea.

“How’re you not turnin’ into dust over there?”

She snapped back to reality as Kageyama addressed her.

“Huh-?”

“Like, all dressed up in 500 layers. You’re gonna get heatstroke or some shit.”

She pouted as she gently took hold of her scarf.

“I always dress like this. Is that a problem?”

She was very obviously the only person around taking the remark seriously. Kageyama gave an amused grin.

“Nah, all good. Just wonderin’, kid.”

“It’s fashion,” she echoed Chiba’s defense for himself from earlier. It was the first thought that had popped into her head. “And stop calling me a kid! What, did you catch that from Chiba-san?”

“Sorry,” came a cheerful apology. He didn’t sound like he meant it in the slightest.

Or maybe she was just reading it wrong…? Her attitude faltered slightly.

Takahashi squirmed between the two.

A whistle so ear-piercing that they all simultaneously had to cover their ears sounded. Geez, was that going to become a regular thing here? She hoped not.

Either way, it seemed like filming would be starting soon. They couldn’t chit-chat for much longer.

Kageyama gave Takahashi a fist bump. Setsuko flinched back as he held his fist out towards her as well, before realising he was expecting her to follow suit. She complied in an uncertain manner.

She received an enthusiastic thumbs up.

“Yeah!”

And with that, Kageyama vanished back into the crowd.

* * *

“It’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for: the start of the annual Hope’s Peak Elimination Game! And it seems like we have some very interesting contestants this year indeed… I bet you’re all excited to see all 16 of them, aren’t you? Better say pretty please!”

She had genuinely no idea how she was still conscious.

They’d been instructed to stand around so they could each give a short introduction one-by-one, the idea of which was already mortifying. Having to listen to the high-energy announcer’s far too chipper voice didn’t make things much easier.

Not that Setsuko hadn’t expected it from the research she had done, she just didn’t think it’d be this bad.

The announcer was a tall, red-haired woman by the name of Kobayashi Rinko. She wore heavy glamour makeup with a cutesy outfit and comically oversized headphones, a glittery microphone clutched in her hand. She’d been the announcer for the Game from the start, as far as Setsuko could remember. She’d seen her shuffling about earlier with a disgruntled expression, cigarette in hand. Now, though, she was impersonating a bubbly, adorable young girl, bouncing on her feet from person to person and bombarding them with fast-paced questions.

Setsuko was only getting more lightheaded listening to her.

“Now, Chiba-kun… Is it true you won your first judo tournament at age 15 against people much older than you?”

Chiba’s face was bright red. Despite that, though, he seemed to be smirking very proudly.

“Oh, you know… That kind of thing isn’t as impossible as people might think. There’s nothing you can’t achieve through hard work.”

“Very true! Apart from growing taller, right?” Kobayashi giggled obnoxiously.

Chiba barely even looked fazed by that, though as soon as she moved on, he tilted his head back to silently stare up at the ceiling.

Setsuko felt a tiny pang of guilt for having been so smug about their difference in height.

Takahashi’s answers to the announcer’s prodding were so stiff, even she could tell he must’ve rehearsed them.

“You’re from America, aren’t you?”

“Technically I grew up in Japan, but-“

“Woooow! Could you say something in English for us?”

Takahashi faltered momentarily.

Setsuko covered her face from the secondhand embarrassment that was already getting overwhelming.

“Say something cool, Takahashi-kun!”

“I, uhm-  _ I’m really excited,  _ haha…?”

She heard someone nearby snort. She had to use all her willpower not to burst out giggling, though that did also considerably help with her nerves.

By the time Kobayashi got to her, she was so dazed, she could hardly feel anything, let alone anxiety. The only downside was that she almost missed the fact that it was her turn, the little introduction speech giving her just enough time to snap herself back to attention.

“Ah yes, Minamoto Setsuko-chan… You’re the Ultimate Linguist, aren’t you? You’re so tall! Does that help you blend in better overseas?”

“Uhm, I’ve never actually been outside the country-“

“Well, perhaps if you win, you might! Take some friends along, hm?”

“I don’t know if I have enough friends for that,” the words tumbled out of her mouth without thinking.

Mortified.

Fortunately for her, it didn’t seem like anyone thought too much of it. Thank god.

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll charm someone by the end! Maybe you’ll even snag yourself a boyfriend, hm?”

_ Or a girlfriend. God, that’d be nice… _

She almost collapsed with relief as soon as the announcer moved on. She shared a pleading look with Takahashi, which let her know he was just as uncomfortable. Had it been a mistake to sign up after all? She didn’t remember Kobayashi being  _ this _ forceful before. Even if she wasn’t suffering alone, it was still unpleasant _. _

Clearly, though, not everyone felt the same way. Kageyama was practically basking in the attention. Hayama seemed a little bashful, but her attitude remained quite cheerful and chipper overall.

Most surprising of all… Hanamiya appeared completely composed. Expression settled into something fairly neutral, he stood straight, patiently allowing Kobayashi to badger him just as she’d done to everyone else.

“So, Hanamiya-kun… As the Ultimate Voice actor, you must be used to this sort of thing…”

Voice Actor…? Right, she’d never gotten his title. It made sense, though, with all the recording equipment she’d seen at his desk. It also explained why he didn’t appear nervous at all. In fact, he almost appeared… _ pleasant?  _ It was quite odd.

“Ahaha, I guess you could say that…”

“Oh gosh, I’m not sure if this is allowed, but…” Kobayashi leaned in extremely close, “would you perhaps have any news to share with us about your newest role? A little bird has told us you may be voicing the protagonist of a much anticipated anime that I’m sure we’re all familiar with! Rumor has it it’s surprisingly reminiscent of your breakout role in SayoHime.”

Hanamiya flashed a polite smile.

“Unfortunately I can’t give out those sorts of details, as much as I’d love to.”

“Oooh, well, that’s practically a confirmation, isn’t it?”

Kobayashi lingered next to him considerably longer than the others. It made sense, in a way. If he was a voice actor, he must have had fans-

Fans.  _ Fans _ . The idea of Hanamiya having any sort of fan base seemed so ridiculous and unthinkable she had no idea what to think. Was that too mean-? Then again, she couldn’t help it.

Then, she wondered… Would- Would  _ she _ have any fans after the Game-? The concept felt so surreal and alien to her, but she couldn’t help but feel hopeful about it. And… maybe even if she didn’t win, people might buy her books more, and then her father-

Her daydream was interrupted as she heard a familiar name be called.

“I think I speak for all of us when I say… we’re so happy to have you here, Izumin!”

_ Izumin!?  _ That _ Izumin? The idol Izumin? _ Her head whipped around, and her heart almost stopped in her chest.

There he was. Izumi Mamoru, the idol, the movie star, the model. His gorgeous, blonde locks, his striking, violet eyes, his tan complexion, the mole under his right eye… It was all there. That soft, polite smile of his practically melted her heart. She’d never seen him before, even though she knew he attended Hope’s Peak.

Of course she knew! Who didn’t? He’d been given the title of Ultimate Actor, so it was only natural he’d have a ridiculously large fan base of his own. She’d seen him in so many movies… He was definitely one of her celebrity crushes.

She wondered if she could sneak in an autograph later.

“Hi there!” Izumin cheerfully waved his hand.

He was surprisingly short in person. Considerably shorter than Chiba…

“Does this mean your hiatus is finally ending?”

“Now, now, that’s a secret. You won’t get me to open up so easily.”

“Awww, so close…!”

“But, if you must know…” Izumin winked, “I do have  _ something _ planned for this year. Perhaps if I win, I  _ might _ share it with my fans sooner.”

_ Oh my gosh _ . She was almost vibrating with flustered excitement. Would it be okay if she asked him about it later? Would he feel bothered? Surely not- He’d just have to ask, and she’d go right on her way! She’d never even dream of making him uncomfortable. Just a word or two would be enough.

As her gaze slipped past him, her train of thought crashed to a halt. Next to Izumin stood the same red eyed, curly haired girl she’d attempted to avoid before, her stare as cold as always.

When the microphone was shoved in her face, for a split-second, she seemed to have narrowed her eyes. Her features soon smoothed out into a reserved smile, though.

“Ah, yes… Our most  _ mysterious _ contestant: Fujinomiya Kotori-chan! You’ve been named the Ultimate Avian Vet, is that right?”

“Right.”

“But, in truth, that’s not all there is to you, is there?”

“I have no idea what you could possibly mean,” Fujinomiya tilted her head, that same smile frozen onto her face.

“Our beloved Izumin may have some competition, it seems…” Kobayashi kept going despite her insistence. “Lovely Fujinomiya-chan here has a past shrouded in darkness… Some of you may recognise her name if you’re old enough! Her track record is certainly impressive!”

The smile didn’t even wilt for a second, but even Setsuko could sense how tense the atmosphere had become. There was so much passive aggression emanating off Fujinomiya, she was genuinely worried she was about to grab Kobayashi any second and rip the microphone from her hand.

She didn’t, though. She only continued staring, her hands folded in front of her.

Even after Kobayashi was done laying into her, her gaze didn’t leave her.

Setsuko had a feeling Fujinomiya was the last possible person that she ever wanted to cross.

* * *

The rest of the day’s broadcast went by fairly uneventfully. Day 1 was always like this, as far as Setsuko could tell. Quick-fire, low-stakes questions about people’s preferences, jokes at some’s expense… with most of the attention focused on the chattiest ones, understandably. The worst possible scenario she could’ve thought of had been getting singled out, so she was just glad she could sort of blend into the crowd for the time being. It was almost nice. If Kobayashi’s TV persona had been more pleasant, she would’ve even called it fun.

Despite that, though, by the time it was over and they were allowed to go on their ways, she’d become so exhausted, she almost fainted out in the yard. She wasn’t even sure how much of it had been the toll it had taken on her mentally, and how much was the dehydration. It was too late to go back to grab some water now, though; she felt far too embarrassed to return just for that.

She just about made up her mind to go to the cafeteria when she spotted the very person she’d been itching to talk to. Her heart did a somersault.

Izumin was right there. And of course- Why  _ wouldn’t _ he be? What, did she think he was just going to run off as soon as filming was over? He was strolling along at a comfortable, leisure pace.

Of course she just had to follow him.

In retrospect, should she have done that? Absolutely not. And if it had been anyone else, she might’ve even come to the conclusion on her own before it had been too late. As it was, though, she was far too caught up in her emotions to think straight, so she marched right after him, albeit still keeping some distance.

Truth be told, she was trying to work up the courage to talk to him. She wasn’t even sure if she’d be able to approach him unprompted. And how could she? She was hardly brave when it came to talking to regular people, let alone a celebrity. If she were to say just one wrong thing, she’d probably instantly die of shame on the spot.

Or… that was what she had thought at the time.

When Izumin’s piercing glare fell onto her, she froze up like a deer in headlights. Caught red-handed, right in front of the entrance to the main building.

“Can I help you?”

Gone was his friendly attitude, his smile from before now replaced with a tired scowl. Setsuko’s mouth opened and closed; that certainly wasn’t the reaction she’d been expecting. She should’ve known, though- She quickly bowed her head in an apology, stammering out excuses.

“I, uhm- I’m really sorry, Izumin…san, it’s just- you see, uhm- I’m actually a… really big fan, so- if possible, uhm- could you-“

He groaned, face buried in his hands. The few people that were outside shot mildly curious glances in their direction. Setsuko felt more anxious by the minute.

“Uh huh… Is that so…”

He couldn’t have sounded more disinterested.

_ Ahh… Ahhhh…  _ If only the ground would open up and swallow her whole…

Her voice came out extremely tiny.

“Uhm, I just… wanted an autograph…”

He clicked his tongue.

“Do I look like I’ve got anything on me? Go pester someone else, kid. Fucking stalkers…”

“Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning…”

That voice… She turned her head to see Hanamiya standing a few feet away, hands in his pockets, head lazily cocked to the side. She froze up instinctively. He wasn’t looking at  _ her _ , though; his eyes were locked on Izumin, mouth curved in a smirk.

Izumin rolled his eyes.

“Is antagonizing people your fetish or something? That’s pretty fucked up, my guy. You haven’t even agreed on a safe word.”

“Oh, fuck off. Mind your own business, Hanamiya.”

“If you’ve got something to do, the door is right there. Just saying.”

Izumin looked like he was going to retort for a second, but he appeared to change his mind fairly quickly. He shook his head before whipping around, storming off so fast they would’ve had to run to catch up to him.

He would’ve probably slammed the door had it not been too heavy for that.

Hanamiya snickered.

“What a fucking tool…”

“Uhm-“

She flinched when he looked in her direction. His smug expression wilted somewhat, but she tried not to let that bother her.

“Thank you… for defending me, I mean.”

“Oh.”

For a moment, that was it. His gaze wondered, as though considering how to reply, before he settled in a simple shrug.

“It’s fine. Izumin’s a jackass. We’re all used to it here.”

Was he really always like that…? She couldn’t comprehend the thought. He’d always been so kind, so sweet on TV… Surely, she’d just caught him in a bad mood. She must’ve.

“You’ve got pretty shit taste in idols,” Hanamiya added after a moment.

“Hey!”

“Objectively speaking.”

She felt a surge of anger, though she did actually make an attempt to push it down.

“You’re one to talk! At least Izumin actually acknowledged my existence-“

“And I didn’t?”

“Not until now!” she crossed her arms. “You’ve been glaring at me every chance you’ve gotten!”

“Baseless accusation.”

“You  _ literally _ glared at me this morning-”

“Did not.”

“I  _ saw  _ you-“

“Doing what, existing?”

“Stop interrupting me!”

“No, you.”

She took in such a deep breath, she was amazed her chest didn’t straight up explode from it.

“…But seriously-“

“Resting face,” Hanamiya cut her off, because of course he did. He adjusted his glasses. “You were probably reading too much into it.”

She huffed.

God, he had such a punchable face. She might’ve argued back more passionately if she hadn’t still been feeling incredibly woozy.

Hanamiya fished something out of his pocket, tossing it at her without warning.

“Catch.”

She just barely managed to grab it after a second or two of clumsy juggling. She was about to snap at him again before she realised what it was: a small bottle of water.

The cap managed to scrape her hand lightly from how fast she attempted to unscrew it. And then, she chugged, without any regard for her own safety.

Hanamiya waited patiently for her to stop choking.

“T-thank you,” she managed to say after she was able to breathe again. She received another nonchalant shrug. By this point, she wasn’t expecting anything else.

Okay,  _ maybe _ he wasn’t so bad. Maybe. He was still a rude bastard, though.

He also went off on his way before she could add anything else.

She resolved to buy a small snack for him in exchange later.

* * *

“Dude, you look like you’re about to drop dead. Are you good?”

“Oh, y’know… Vampire. The sun burns.”

_ Thud. _

“Shit- Kazuma, hold him for a sec.”

_ Thump thump thump. _

“He didn’t forget his meds- did he-? Fuck… where’s the-”

“Second cabinet, top shelf, FYI- But pretty sure he took ‘em.”

“R-right- Sorry. Just lay him down for now.”

“Just did.”

“Good.”

…

“Taka, you alright?”

“ _ Mhm… _ ”

_ Smack. _

“Ow. Abuse.”

“Don’t smack him, c’mon- But for real, you good, man? You need anythin’?”

“Nah… Just a minute or two. The usual.”

“Oh, thank god… Fuck, you scared the living shit out of me. You haven’t dropped like that in a while.”

“Lol.”

“I’ll walk you to the infirmary later.”

“I’m a big boy, I can find the way.”

_ Huff. _

“Well, if you can talk like that, I guess so.”

…

“You’ll keep an eye on him, right?”

“Yeah. Course.”

_ Sigh. _

“I’ll be in class. Text me if anything comes up.”

“Will do.”

* * *

She’d been just about to get ready to sleep when an offhand comment from Chiba grabbed her attention.

“Don’t forget to wash that off.”

“Huh?”

“The makeup,” Chiba gestured to his face. He’d already showered; his hair must have regained its usual curliness from the steam, though he seemed to have stopped caring about that as much after her googly eyes at it stopped. The shoulders of his print tee were slightly wet.

He’d cleaned off his own earlier in the day, Setsuko was sure, just based on the couple times she’d run into him in passing after filming.

In retrospect, she really should’ve just stayed in the dorm. Anything she might’ve been able to take in during class just went in one ear and out the other from how tired she’d become.

“Do I have to…?”

“Well, yeah,” Chiba frowned, “unless you wanna turn into a mummy. It’s bad for your skin.”

She’d been planning on leaving it on until it came off naturally, if she was going to be honest. It seemed to be waterproof, as it’s only smudged ever so slightly for the duration of the whole day, which meant that she could actually look into every mirror she walked by with peace of mind for a change.

It was comforting, and she wasn’t sure if she was willing to let that go yet.

“You’d have to reapply it in the morning anyway. It’s gonna get  _ really _ messed up overnight.”

“You don’t know that,” she pouted. He raised a brow.

“Yes I do, actually. I’ve worn makeup enough to know.”

“Well, I don’t even have anything to remove it with.”

At that, his mildly annoyed demeanor seemed to ease slightly.

“Oh, I can lend you my stuff. It should work just fine. Or you could steal Taka’s. I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t notice.”

Yeah, she wasn’t really looking for more ways to get on Hanamiya’s bad side.

“I could even do it for you, if you’re that lazy,” Chiba offered.

She paused.

An image of Chiba gingerly taking hold of her chin and gently dabbing at her face with a cotton ball popped into her mind. His face would be so close, she’d be able to feel his breath… And then he might lean over and-

She could feel her entire face heating up at the thought. Tempting as it was, though, she wasn’t quite daring enough to actually accept the offer.

Maybe someday…

She vehemently shook her head. Chiba seemed pretty puzzled by her reaction, but he didn’t push it any further.

She ended up cleaning off the makeup later as Chiba had suggested, regretful as she felt about it. Rather that than looking like a clown in the morning.

* * *

**hana** @sunflowerparadise · June 5   
simping for izumin ( ⸝⸝•ᴗ•⸝⸝ )੭⁾⁾  #izumins #bestboy

**eruru** @pannacotta636363 · June 5   
wahhh kotori-chan is SOOOO cute!!! ｡･ﾟﾟ･(>д<)･ﾟﾟ･｡ im so glad shes back after so long!!!!!!!! im totally gonna buy all her merch

**Pancake King** @m6f8zy30413 · June 5   
Megathread of all the clips I’ve saved~  #HPAEG

**LULU** @luluscorner · June 5   
Oh great time for my timeline to be ruined again (◔_◔) tag ur posts so ppl can block plssss

**kiwi’s corner** @kiwidraws · June 5   
here’s some fanart i made!! pls share if you like ♥♥♥  #HPAEG #izumins

**Chai** @chaiteatime1203 · June 5   
yikes…… i cant wait for all the terrible takes people are gonna have


	5. Lily

_ You’ve never liked clothes shopping. Barely anything from the women’s section fits you, and on the rare occasion that you find something that does, it’s the most unflattering outfit for your figure. And everything is expensive. The cheapest jacket is still a week’s worth of groceries. Like hell you’ll throw that much money away on clothing. _

_ You’ve always been very fond of scarves, though. They’re comfy and easy to hide in. Plus they’re excellent fidgeting material. And the cheap ones still look fairly nice. You’ll very occasionally purchase one or two. Your father has bought you a few for holidays as well. You keep them in a special drawer and cycle through them whenever you have to leave the house. _

_ The newest one you’ve received, though, you haven’t shoved in there yet. You’ve been holding it in your hands all day long, playing with the pom poms hanging off each end. It’s the first gift you’ve ever been given by a friend. You’re honestly kind of afraid that if you were to take your eyes off of it, it might disappear. _

_ Your father does not tell you to take it off for dinner. _

* * *

She’d really done it this time.

In her defense, she had never applied makeup on her own before. She’d never even had the opportunity. So when she had innocently asked to borrow some of Chiba’s, while she’d been a little nervous about it, her expectations for herself had been just a tad too high.

Hayama had invited her to join an outing after Setsuko had spent an entire day hibernating in her room, recovering from how exhausting Monday had been. It was a given that she’d say yes. Hayama seemed nice, even if she  _ had _ almost maimed her before, and she would have liked to get to know some more people before the next day of filming.

She just wanted to look good in front of everyone else.

Chiba answered her call of distress by bursting into the bathroom in a panic. He was still in pyjamas, his hair completely untamed. Whether it was due to it still being somewhat early, or the sheer ridiculousness of the situation, he stood completely motionless in the doorway for almost a full minute, hand still gripping the door.

“Holy shit,” he finally blurted out when he found his voice.

Setsuko sniffled.

Her face was a mess, but she couldn’t even blame it on the crying. With the foundation that was far paler than her skin tone, the smudged lipstick, the startlingly vivid blush, and the eyeshadow that looked scarily close to a pair of black eyes, she resembled an actual clown more than anything. That, or a geisha that had been caught in the rain.

She had no idea how she could’ve messed up so bad, but it was far too late now.

Thankfully and unexpectedly, Chiba didn’t laugh.

“What did you  _ do _ ?” he asked instead, eyes like saucers, as though he still couldn’t quite believe what he was seeing. “I- You didn’t faceplant… did you…?“

“I did not…!”

“Okay!” he quickly raised his hands in an attempt to calm her.

She was far more upset with herself than at him, but she supposed that wouldn’t have come across in her tone. She was still bawling her eyes out.

“Okay, let’s- Let’s just calm down first, alright? It’s not…  _ that _ bad…”

He was very obviously trying to spare her feelings. She probably should’ve appreciated the sentiment, but it only made her feel worse. The last thing she would’ve wanted was to look even more pathetic in front of him after he’d already made it clear he saw her as nothing but a helpless child.

God, she felt so humiliated.

Chiba took a careful step towards her.

“Do you… want me to fix you up?”

Did she? By this point, she’d been planning on just washing it off, having given up completely. Chiba seemed genuinely concerned, though, visibly frowning, lips pressed together into a thin line.

She gave a tiny nod after a few careful moments of consideration, even though she didn’t feel all that sure.

Honestly, she just needed something to comfort her.

Chiba exhaled in relief as his hands dropped back down.

She had to clean her face off completely before he could do anything about it himself. It was pretty embarrassing, having him stand around with his arms crossed as he waited for her to be finished, but she pushed down the paranoia that was gnawing at her, unwilling to bring herself to just send him out.

She never should’ve attempted this in the first place.

When it was Chiba’s turn, though, he didn’t scold her. He didn’t poke fun at her either. Brows furrowed in concentration, he squinted at the bottles of foundation he’d gathered, glancing up at her repeatedly before he held up one for her to see.

“This one should work better.”

And he continued.

Without a single word on her behalf, he began applying her makeup, explaining everything as he went along. He’d pause occasionally during sections that needed more focus, his tongue poking out in concentration. He stumbled across his words a few times too. In truth, he didn’t seem like he was very good at multitasking just based on how often he’d trail off mid-sentence or swear under his breath when he’d mess up slightly.

He was trying his best, though, she thought.

She would’ve thought she’d feel a lot more uncomfortable about it. She definitely still wasn’t a fan of the sensation, but Chiba was far less forceful than the professional makeup artist had been. He’d gently request her to hold still each time she shifted instead of grabbing onto her chin, and he’d apologise each time he poked her by accident.

It also wasn’t as thrilling as she would’ve imagined, though, having him be so close. Her heart had certainly been beating quite fast in the beginning, but the more used to it she got, the more she felt herself calm down. The butterflies she’d pictured herself having quieted down.

It was just pleasant, nothing more.

When he was done, he gestured for her to check herself in the mirror, handing her glasses back.

God, she almost teared up again.

The makeup wasn’t nearly as heavy as what they’d applied on the day of filming. At the same time, though, she found herself not minding that so much. Rather than looking like an entirely different person, she’d just been prettied up a tad, and against all odds, he managed to make her look  _ cute _ .

The ‘thank you’ she uttered must have sounded more emotional than she’d intended, as he inquired with some concern:

“Are you good?”

She hurriedly nodded.

“Don’t feel too bad, alright?” he patted her arm lightly. “The first attempt always goes like that. Shit’s hard to figure out.”

“Had… it been like that for you too…?”

He snorted.

“Yeah… God, fuck, don’t make me remember. I’ve been trying to repress it.”

A shy smile tugged at her lips.

“But yeah, you prolly just need some practice. There’s some pretty good tutorials online too. I’ll link a few later if you want. Oh, yeah, do you have LINE?”

“Uhm, no- But I could download it…!”

“Cool, that works. I’ll give you everyone else’s info if you wanna add them too.”

He must’ve sensed that her head was quickly starting to spin at the idea, as he rushed to add:

“ _ Take time _ , though. Pretty sure no one’s gonna mind. Half of them don’t even check their messages for days at a time, the bastards.”

She couldn’t even imagine doing that.

“…Did you mean ‘ _ take your time _ ’?”

“…Y-yes. That’s what I said.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s not what I heard, Chiba-san.”

“Sounds like a you problem.”

“You know, English is pretty hard, it’s fine if you-“

“Shhh…! You heard nothing.”

“Uh huh…”

She let him know she’d add him later in the end, and he’d just text her the rest. He didn’t seem to mind. He reminded her to just ask for help next time if she needed it before he disappeared back outside. By the time she walked past him, he was standing up from the kitchen table, empty dishes in hand.

Hadn’t he just finished cooking when she’d asked to borrow his stuff…?

He gave her a nonchalant wave as she passed by.

She flashed back a peace sign.

_ The rest of the day better be good after this. _

* * *

Classes weren’t too bad. She got a few stares, presumably because of the Game, but they were fairly brief and tame. Monday had been a lot worse. She could actually focus on the professor this time around. Thanks to that, she actually still had a fair bit of energy left even afterwards… a bit too much, even. She was practically vibrating with nervous energy, legs bouncing nonstop every time she’d sit down.

She almost got off at the wrong stop.

She’d written down the place where they were supposed to meet, and she’d looked over it so many times she could’ve easily recited it by memory. Despite that, she’d occasionally glance back down at it over and over to make sure she’d entered it correctly into her phone.

The corner she arrived at was right next to a shopping center, so she knew she was around the right spot, at least. She couldn’t really see anyone familiar, though. Her chest tightened, and she took a deep breath to calm herself ahead of time. She was fine. It was fine. Everything was going to be just fine.

She almost leapt into the air with a shriek when someone tapped her on the shoulder lightly.

She whipped around to see a stunned Hayama with her hand still raised, and immediately felt herself grow embarrassed.  _ Great start _ .

“Are you good?”

“Y-yes, sorry… Just-“

“Startled?”

“Yeah.”

“Sorry,” Hayama flashed an apologetic smile, to which Setsuko shook her head.

“It’s okay-“

She was dressed fairly lightly, in a tank top with cargo shorts. Her toned arms and calves were on full display this time around, with some faint tan lines visible along her upper arms. Setsuko would’ve most definitely been reduced to a flustered mess had Hayama not interrupted her silent staring by gesturing in a vague direction.

“The others are waiting inside. ‘cause, y’know… Sun. I probably should’ve let you know, my bad.”

“Oh, it’s alright, uhm… It’s not like you could’ve texted or anything.”

“Mmm… Yeah, now that you mention it. Do you want me to add you?”

The question had been dropped so casually, Setsuko was caught completely off-guard by it. She did manage a nod, though. She’d downloaded LINE after Chiba had mentioned it to her, though she hadn’t actually added him on it yet. She just hadn’t managed to work up the courage. Hayama was the one who’d initiated it this time, though, which made it slightly better.

She almost dropped her phone as they exchanged information.

She made a mental note to ask Takahashi if he had an account on it later.

She followed Hayama into the shopping center on somewhat unsteady legs, almost like a newborn giraffe.

The first thing that hit her was the air conditioning. She hadn’t realised how hot it had been outside until she’d stepped past the main entrance, having gotten accustomed to it fairly fast. She thought for sure she’d be freezing if she’d have dressed any lighter. Despite that, Hayama didn’t seem bothered in the slightest, cheerfully waving over to a small group of girls standing around nearby.

Setsuko hid behind her for as long as she possibly could in an attempt to delay the inevitable.

The first girl she recognised was the one she’d seen with Hayama before. She was fairly tan with long, silver hair, dressed from head to toe in clothing a mix of punk and goth, countless belts hanging off her in places where they definitely served no purpose beyond aesthetics, dark but also not too heavy makeup completing the look.

She was also the one standing the furthest away, hands in her pockets, head slightly cocked to the side. She didn’t seem  _ unfriendly _ , though… She just looked a little as though she might fall asleep anytime soon.

Setsuko couldn’t remember if she seemed like that the first time she’d seen her as well.

The other three were far more sociable.

The first one who spoke up was the same girl Setsuko had seen with that anxious student right before filming. She spoke with a soft, breathy voice, her large, round eyes staring so intensely, Setsuko couldn’t bring herself to maintain eye contact for more than a second or so. If the girl noticed, though, she didn’t point it out.

“Hi there. I remember you. Minamoto-chan, right? Oh, you seemed so cute, but I wasn’t sure if you’d have wanted to talk. I didn’t want to scare you or anything,” she giggled. Her face was  _ smothered _ in makeup, Setsuko was sure. Even she could tell as much. Despite that, she was also wearing a face mask with a cute cartoony face on it.

Was she maybe sick…?

She was dressed in a gorgeous, frilly, vaguely Lolita-esque dress that seemed as though it fit perfectly to her figure. It must have been either custom made, or she had to have gotten  _ really _ lucky with shopping. A purse bag hung from her shoulder. Despite that, she was clutching her phone in her hands, even though the screen was clearly off.

Setsuko awkwardly shoved her own phone into her pocket, averting her gaze yet again.

“C-cute-?”

“Yes! On Monday,” the girl tilted her head. “I saw you with Yuki-chan. You were fidgeting so much, it was adorable.”

Setsuko was starting to squirm. She was so bad at taking compliments she wasn’t expecting to receive… It took her all her willpower not to bury her face in her hands; she settled on subtly trying to retract into her scarf instead.

“Ah, I’m Rena, by the way. But, if you like, you can call me Rena-nee! I would very much appreciate it. I’m the Ultimate Seamstress. I  _ do _ take commissions, by the way, so if you have an outfit that you’d like, please let me know, alright, dear?”

The idea of using someone’s first name felt so foreign and intimate, she felt her face grow red from the mere idea.

Fortunately for her, she was saved from having to respond to it.

“Tsutsui-san, we’ve talked about this…”

The girl who’d spoken up was the shortest of the group. She was also dressed by far the most formally, in a dress shirt and pencil skirt, with dark tights and heels. She resembled an office worker of some kind, and she gave off that sort of impression with her demeanor as well, standing with her back completely straight, her arms folded behind her back.

She looked so serious, it made for a mildly amusing contrast with her round, childlike facial features. She couldn’t have been that young, though, if she was a college student.

Setsuko attempted to recall her name. She could definitely remember having seen her during filming; her stiff and formal mannerisms would’ve been difficult to forget. Beyond that, though…

“Yokoyama Hiromi,” the girl bowed slightly, as though having read her mind. “I’ve been dubbed the Ultimate Attorney, though I haven’t technically finished my studies. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Minamoto-san.”

She held her hand out for a handshake. Her grip was unexpectedly firm.

“Please don’t take Tsutsui-san too seriously,” she sighed. Her dark, bushy eyebrows furrowed. “She’s like this with everybody.”

Tsutsui giggled once more.

“Ah, don’t feel too bad if you can’t recall anyone’s titles either. I’m sure nobody here was expecting you to remember that…  _ incident _ from Monday.”

“You’re still going on about that…” Tsutsui perked up, tone teasing. Yokoyama huffed.

“I’ve made my stance clear multiple times in the past. I don’t enjoy this sort of public ridicule.”

“And yet you still signed up for it.”

“It’s for a good cause!”

Hayama took a step forward, as though she was about to separate them to stop them from bickering, but the last girl cut in before she could.

“Are you two, like, ever gonna stop fighting over that? I swear you’ve already had this argument, like, 3 separate times today…”

In contrast to what she was saying, the girl was outright beaming. When she noticed Setsuko looking over, she flashed a peace sign.

“Sakurauchi Nao. Freelance videogame developer.”

Her complexion was pretty dark, though how much of it was from the sun, Setsuko couldn’t tell. She was on the taller side, though, with a chubby, curvy figure, dressed in shorts and a brightly colored, revealing top. She was sat slumped over on a bench with an arms lung over the headrest, legs comfortably spread, seemingly unaware of the disapproving looks she was getting. That, or she just didn’t care.

Setsuko felt compelled to give an introduction herself after everyone had done so, even if it may not have been necessary. She gripped her skirt with nervous, clammy hands as she took a polite bow.

“Minamoto Setsuko. I am, uhm… a linguist. It’s nice to meet you all.”

Was that too formal? In hindsight, probably. She didn’t even have time to feel ashamed, though, as Yokoyama nodded her head in approval.

“Why can’t the rest of you have manners like that?”

“I’m nice… I think,” Hayama piped in, voice only a tad uncertain. The frown Yokoyama had been wearing immediately disappeared as she gestured with her hands so fiercely, she almost looked like she was flailing.

“Yes, of course! I apologise, that’s not what I was trying to imply. You’re quite lovely and pleasant to be around, make no mistake-“

“She knows,” the silver-haired girl spoke, though her gaze remained on her phone. She was either texting somebody, or noting down something  _ really _ important, as she’d been typing away at a ridiculous speed for a while now. “Don’t feed her ego.”

Hayama laughed, her cheeks faintly tinted red.

Yokoyama turned to face the silver-haired girl.

“Aragaki-san.”

“Yes?”

“I believe an introduction is order. Minamoto-san has done us the favor of taking a day out of her schedule, so it’s only appropriate-“

“Ah.”

She was still typing.

“Aragaki Yuriko. Freelance photographer.”

She gave a small wave.

Setsuko waved back automatically, even though it went unseen.

At least she wasn’t glaring at her like Hanamiya had been. It wasn’t like she could blame her for being quiet. She wasn’t much better when she hadn’t gotten comfortable with someone yet.

“Did we ever agree on what we were going to do…? Now that I’m thinking about it…” Hayama’s voice trailed off, her face scrunching up slightly in concentration.

_ Ah… Movies… Arcade… Bookstore… _ Setsuko fiddled with her scarf, pursing her lips tightly as though trying to prevent herself from blurting out any of those thoughts out loud. She was just tagging along, it wasn’t like she was friends with anyone here. Even though it would’ve been nice…

No, she wasn’t going to take that risk. The last thing she needed was accidentally getting their interests wrong and being shot down immediately.

Yokoyama puffed out her chest.

“Why, yes. I recall you in particular mentioning that I should be the one in charge of plans this time around.”

“Oh… I did?”

“Don’t worry, I’ve come up with the perfect plan. I have a detailed schedule that takes any possible tardiness or loitering into consideration, and allows for a perfectly timed, nutritious meal as a break, in case one or more of you is in need of a breather. We still have about 20 minutes before we must get going, which should be more than enough time for me to explain, and for you to voice any objections you may have. If you require it in written format, I will also be happy to send it into the group chat.”

Her voice gradually increased in volume as she spoke, her hands gesturing along with each and every word, as though she was giving some sort of speech.

Her commanding aura diminished somewhat as Tsutsui excitedly clasped her hands together.

“Oh my gosh… I’m so curious! You were so embarrassed the last time, hehe…”

Yokoyama’s face turned bright red.

“Please don’t bring that up again…! I’m much more experienced now; I’ve conducted plenty of research. I’m sure you’ll find the experience much less off-putting this time around.”

Setsuko thought she may have seen Aragaki snicker for a split-second before her neutral, composed expression returned.

“Now, now,” Hayama gave Yokoyama an encouraging smile, “I’m sure it’ll be fine! Let’s hear it!”

Setsuko had no idea what to expect.

* * *

She’d never gone out with a group of girls before. She’d never even had a female friend, as a matter of fact. Perhaps that was why she didn’t think to question a single element of the trip, even as she was hurriedly dragged from spot to spot within a completely arbitrary time limit.

The shopping center was fairly large, packed full of a gazillion different stores and facilities. Easy to get lost in without a map. She was completely disoriented within the first 10 minutes to the point where she couldn’t have found her way out without help.

Thankfully the urge to escape didn’t actually start to surface until a couple hours later, by which point the exit was in sight.

They were all cooped up in a booth at a fast food restaurant, waiting for Hayama to fetch their orders. Such was the price of losing at rock paper scissors. Yokoyama was in the very corner, her arms crossed, expression sour and embarrassed as she was having to endure relentless teasing from Tsutsui yet again.

Setsuko herself didn’t think the plans she’d made had been too bad, although they definitely would’ve been improved by removing the need to constantly run everywhere. A movie, some window shopping and a relaxed dinner… It was probably miles above anything she could’ve come up with. It proved to be fairly enjoyable as well, despite how consistently quiet she’d been the entire time, unsure of when she was supposed to speak up with so many other people around.

She at least took solace in the fact that she definitely got more words in than Aragaki, who remained glued to her phone for the majority of the day, occasionally adding a comment or two but staying out of most conversations.

“Yes, yes, I understand already- Are you going to keep rubbing this into my face for the rest of time?” Yokoyama grumbled, face turning increasingly redder.

Tsutsui looked like she was having the time of her life.

“Aww, you don’t have to feel that bad about it! I just thought it was a little funny is all.”

“I disagree. There’s nothing amusing about this.”

“Ehehe…”

“Quite frankly, you’re acting rather childish.”

“Well, I’m sorry. I just like seeing you get all flustered.”

Yokoyama buried her face in her hands, voice coming out muffled.

“Y-you should really be treating me with more respect… As your senior- I…”

“Geez…” Sakurauchi looked over to Tsutsui, chin rested atop her hand, wearing a lazy smirk. “Isn’t this a bit much, Renacchi? She’s already, like, on the verge of exploding…”

Yokoyama huffed.

“I am not! I’m perfectly fine, thank you very much, it’s just… that…” her voice trailed off.

Tsutsui tilted her head in an exaggerated manner.

“Mmm? I have no idea what you could possibly mean, Nao-chan. I’m innocent here.”

Setsuko heard Aragaki breathe a soft, barely audible sigh.

Tsutsui’s gaze soon fell on Setsuko herself, and she quickly jumped up from her seat on instinct before realising she should probably provide an excuse of some sort.

“B-bathroom…” she spluttered.

Aragaki flashed an okay sign as Sakurauchi got out of her way.

“Ah, me too,” Tsutsui got up from her seat. “Please safeguard my dessert from Momo-chan if she comes back.”

“Will do. No promises from me, though,” Sakurauchi grinned. Tsutsui giggled as Yokoyama chided her, the latter returning to her attempts to hide from the world when she realised Sakurauchi had been joking.

Tsutsui guided Setsuko away.

She was actually sort of relieved. She’d just been looking for a brief moment of peace and quiet, enough for her to recharge a tiny bit more so she wouldn’t just prematurely ditch everyone else, but if it was just the two of them, she could probably handle it. Maybe.

Tsutsui didn’t seem bad-natured anyway, despite how mischievous she’d been acting. None of her remarks had been mean-spirited in nature; she felt distinctly different from the snobbish girls Setsuko had gotten accustomed to in high school that would gossip behind other people’s back and make passive aggressive comments to their faces.

Granted, she’d never been good at picking up how much of that was genuine, but still. Tsutsui just seemed… sweeter.

She might’ve assumed she’d been flirting with her if she hadn’t acted the exact same way towards everyone else. Wishful thinking. She  _ was _ incredibly pretty, almost like an antique porcelain doll, and everything about her body language from the way she walked to the subtle and elegant hand gestures she’d use only added to that image.

Did she even have a significant other…? Would she have minded, perhaps, if she had asked her out sometime…?  _ Wait, _ it wasn’t as though Setsuko herself was any good at flirting, though… and she hadn’t had the courage to ask anybody out after Takahashi had turned her down.  _ Obviously _ ; the risk was far too daunting. Besides, someone like Tsutsui was ridiculously out of her league…

“Excuse me, I was wondering if I could get your number?”

Setsuko’s attention snapped back to reality as a guy she’d never seen before materialized out of seemingly nowhere. Lanky and handsome, he stood in Tsutsui’s way, a polite smile etched onto his features.

Ah,  _ she’d _ never had something like this happen to her. Half of her genuinely thought this sort of thing only happened in dramas or novels… being asked out by startlingly good-looking strangers, that is.

If it had been her, she would’ve said yes in a heartbeat. Of course she would’ve. It sounded like a dream.

Tsutsui took a step back.

“Oh, are you shy, perhaps? I don’t mind that. Girls like that are just my type.”

The guy stepped forward, to which Tsutsui backed away yet again, right into Setsuko.

This was the moment it occurred to her that something may have been wrong.

She wasn’t an expert at reading the mood even at her best, sure. But even she couldn’t help but notice the way Tsutsui seemed to tense up, visibly shrinking as though trying to make herself invisible. It was such a stark contrast to how she’d been behaving until now, it would’ve been almost impossible to miss.

That was… odd. She couldn’t fathom what was going on with her. She hadn’t had any trouble talking to strangers before this, even if she _ had _ been just a tad more subdued and shy with retail workers and whatnot.

In any case, the guy seemed blissfully unaware of her discomfort. In a sudden burst of confidence from how smoothly she’d picked up on the atmosphere, Setsuko piped up.

“I don’t think she wants to talk to you, actually. Sorry.”

She’d aimed for her tone to sound helpful and informative. Despite that, she received a rather harsh glare that caused her to flinch.

“I wasn’t talking to you, kid. Settle down.”

_ Geez, what the hell? _

“I’m not a kid, jackass! What’s your issue?”

Despite her confrontational tone, she knew she wouldn’t be able to hold her ground for much longer as she felt her heart rate pick up. She’d never liked getting into arguments in public, much less with people she didn’t know. If it had been just her, she probably would’ve just left it be.

Tsutsui, though, scurried behind her hurriedly, which helped solidify the impression that she really didn’t want to be a part of this. In that case, she wasn’t going to just leave her here. Even if her legs  _ were _ starting to feel increasingly unsteady.

“Didn’t your parents teach you any manners? That’s no way to talk to somebody.”

“Y-you’re the one who called me a kid first…! What do you even want?”

“I was just asking for your friend’s number.”

“And I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want to give it to you…”

“Says who?”

Okay, this was getting ridiculous. She’d have been willing to accept that this guy really was just  _ this _ dense, but there was a limit of how much bullshit she was going to take. Besides, even if he really was that stupid, she had no obligation to keep humoring him. She took hold of Tsutsui’s hand, voice shaking only a little.

“If you’ll excuse us-“

She almost squawked when her way was blocked. Tsutsui’s grip on her hand tightened so much, she could practically feel her circulation getting cut off. It was only making her feel more anxious, but she didn’t have the heart to tell her to stop.

By now, she was so lightheaded from adrenaline, she was sure she was going to faint anytime soon.

She almost did as well when someone suddenly grabbed onto her shoulder.

“We’ll be going now, bye!” Sakurauchi’s cheerful voice came from behind her. Setsuko didn’t bother objecting as she was unceremoniously steered away, the guy soon disappearing from sight.

As soon as they were far enough, Tsutsui practically jumped into Sakurauchi’s arms.

“You’re, like, good, yeah?”

It took Setsuko a moment to realise the question had been aimed at her. She snapped to attention with a rigidly straight posture.

“Yes…! Uhm-“

“Koyamacchi got worried with how long you were taking and sent me to, like, check up on you.”

_ Ah _ . She must’ve meant Yokoyama-san.

“Is Tsutsui-san okay…?”

Sakurauchi looked down at the girl, presumably to confirm the answer. Without saying a single word, Tsutsui hesitantly released her from her hold. She was still holding her phone in her hands, just as she’d been for most of the day. She began typing away at it, then held up the screen once she was done for Sakurauchi to see.

She received a hum and a nod.

“Hope the others won’t, like, mind migrating elsewhere.”

Setsuko certainly didn’t have any objections.

Her eyes flickered to Tsutsui’s hands as she gave a few, subtle signs, and, despite the circumstances, her face lit up with recognition.  _ Sign language…? _ She was intimately familiar with it; how could she not have been? It had been one of the first languages she’d learned. As usual, identifying something that happened to fall in line with her expertise gave her a rush of excitement that she had to remind herself to push down for now, seeing as how she didn’t want to overwhelm Tsutsui even more.

She made a note to question her about it later, though. Would it have been rude…? She was so curious.

As Tsutsui turned to look at her, Setsuko signed to her without thinking, narrowly avoiding smacking a passerby right in the face in the process.

_ “Are you okay?” _

Tsutsui made a noise that sounded a bit like a held back laugh at her flustered reaction and her stuttered out apology to her almost-victim. She signed back, her hand movements much more graceful and natural.

_ “I am now. Thank you.” _

The two of them followed Sakurauchi as she guided them off to a different restaurant they agreed to dine at instead.

* * *

Yokoyama bombarded the girls with so many concerned questions when they got back, she needed Hayama and Sakurauchi both to reign her in before she quieted down. Tsutsui didn’t seem like she’d be willing to talk anytime soon, so Setsuko valiantly volunteered to answer in her stead as well and explain everything as best she could. Yokoyama only relaxed when Tsutsui, having had enough, bopped her over the head with the empty box she’d fished her dessert out of.

When it was finally time to part ways, Setsuko was more than ready to go straight home, crash into bed and sleep for the entire rest of the day, even if it wasn’t too late yet. Hayama had practice scheduled apparently – she was on the volleyball team, as she’d found out once she actually managed to insert a question about her title into the conversation fairly naturally. She left with Sakurauchi, who figured she’d get in a light jog while the sun was still up.

Tsutsui had her own chauffeur pick her up. She’d offered to give the others a ride, all of whom declined without hesitation. Setsuko in particular partially because car rides weren’t gentle on her insides, and partially because she really needed some quiet time alone after everything.

Yokoyama was picked up by a man who was apparently her fiancé, finally making Setsuko realise just how much older than her she was when she quietly inquired about their ages. It explained her demeanor, at least. She definitely felt a bit awkward and strange in retrospect for finding her amusing in her head, even if she hadn’t made any impolite comments out loud.

That didn’t stop her from feeling incredibly jealous, though. Yokoyama’s fiancé was tall and handsome, with broad shoulders and a scruffy goatee. He was dressed in leather from head-to-toe, his long hair tied into a messy, loose ponytail, piercings and jewelry covering his body. When he noticed Setsuko staring, he gave a lazy, nonchalant wave with a crooked smirk, and her heart didn’t slow down for the next 10 minutes.

He seemed like a stereotypical bad boy out of a YA novel or something; definitely not the kind of person she would’ve expected someone like Yokoyama to be engaged to. He definitely also didn’t match his title; she’d seen him at the Game before, and though she couldn’t quite remember the exact words, she was aware he worked in customer service.

She wondered if Yokoyama would mind her asking, or if that would be too awkward.

After the two of them sped off on his motorbike, Setsuko was left alone with Aragaki.

It was only when they both started heading in the same direction that the possibility occurred to her that she may have also been wanting to go back to the dorm.

Aragaki’s natural walking speed was incredibly fast. She didn’t even seem like she was trying to hurry, and yet Setsuko was struggling to keep up with her. She wasn’t sure if she’d have been upset about her falling behind, even though logically she was pretty sure she wouldn’t care, so she did her best to follow her as closely as she could, stopping to wheeze in relief at every red light they encountered.

She wondered if she just didn’t like other people… but then again, why would she have agreed to come with if that was the case? It wasn’t as though she’d expressed annoyance at any point; she’d just remained mostly quiet. Was she always like this…? Maybe she just didn’t like her in particular, maybe she was just upset that she’d tagged along and was choosing to protest it by remaining silent. Or-

Okay, maybe she was thinking too much about all this…  _ Actually, no, _ she  _ definitely _ was. Why was she even getting so hung up on it…? She-

She shrieked as she was yanked backwards by the shoulder, a car loudly honking as it narrowly missed her. Her heart rate immediately skyrocketed.

“Are you okay?”

Despite how calmly the question had been phrased, Aragaki wore a deep frown as she asked it. She continued holding onto her even after she’d already steadied herself, as though worried that she was about to walk back into traffic without it.

God, she must’ve been more exhausted than she’d thought.

She gave a tiny nod.

Aragaki released her after a small moment of hesitation.

“Should I call a ride for you?”

“It’s okay… Sorry. I just- spaced out for a bit. But I’m fine.”

“Pay more attention then. That was close.”

“I know. Thanks…”

“Be sure to call someone to pick you up if you feel unwell after all.”

Without waiting for an answer, she strode off.

Setsuko didn’t rush after her this time, staying in the same spot for a bit until she felt herself start to calm down again.

Maybe she should’ve taken Tsutsui up on her offer, but it was too late for that now.

She began walking once again, this time making sure to actually look both ways before attempting to cross any roads.

* * *

**tutturu** Today at 6:46 PM   
met ur roommate today (* ^ ω ^)

**taka b miya** Today at 6:49 PM   
which one

**tutturu** Today at 6:49 PM   
the littol bean

**taka b miya** Today at 6:51 PM   
oh chiba-kun

**tutturu** Today at 6:51 PM   
(`ヘ´)

**tutturu** Today at 6:51 PM   
she was v funny

**tutturu** Today at 6:51 PM   
but also imo shes p cool idk if uve talked to her yet tho

**taka b miya** Today at 6:54 PM   
ok

**tutturu** Today at 6:56 PM   
did u guys get into a fight or something

**taka b miya** Today at 6:57 PM   
what no why  _ (edited) _

**tutturu** Today at 6:57 PM   
i saw that

**tutturu** Today at 6:57 PM   
hat

**tutturu** Today at 6:57 PM   
lmao (ⓛ ω ⓛ)

**tutturu** Today at 6:57 PM   
u just seem salty

**taka b miya** Today at 6:57 PM   
man im just busy rn

**taka b miya** Today at 6:58 PM   
yea ig weve talked?????? idk shes fine

**taka b miya** Today at 6:58 PM   
less obnoxious than id expected ig

**taka b miya** Today at 6:58 PM   
why are u asking me

**tutturu** Today at 6:58 PM   
bc i want ur ronrii anime boi ass to make more frens

**taka b miya** Today at 6:59 PM   
please never call me that again

**tutturu** Today at 6:59 PM   
nyehehe

**tutturu** Today at 6:59 PM   
btw i made a gc u should join

**taka b miya** Today at 7:03 PM   
ill join to clown on izumin if u want

**tutturu** Today at 7:03 PM   
yeye ill add u

**tutturu** Today at 7:04 PM   
do u know minamotocchis info i wanna add her too

**taka b miya** Today at 7:05 PM   
no

**taka b miya** Today at 7:06 PM   
kazuma or chiba-kun might

**tutturu** Today at 7:06 PM   
ok!! ill ask them in a bit

**tutturu** Today at 7:07 PM   
go to bed early for tomorrow or ill smite u  ଲ (ⓛ ω ⓛ) ଲ

**taka b miya** Today at 7:09 PM   
fuck u

**taka b miya** Today at 7:09 PM   
well see

* * *

She arrived back to the dorm to find it reeking of smoke, with Chiba frantically opening every window, losing his mind lecturing the other two people present.

“I’ve told you multiple times to keep this shit to the balcony if you’re gonna do it here. What the fuck, you guys. Does it not bother  _ you _ ? Seriously? We’ve had this room for less than a fucking week and you’re gonna get us kicked out. Oh my god. I’m gonna have to cover this entire place in air fresheners or some shit-“

When he noticed Setsuko standing in the doorway, he shouted over.

“Asthma?”

She blankly shook her head.

“Good. Stay over there anyway if you wanna be spared.”

Kageyama was restlessly fidgeting, seemingly unsure of what to do with himself as he was being told off.

“Sorry… Got used to just doin’ it in my room. Back home, I mean.”

“You- You  _ smoke _ in your room-?” Chiba’s voice jumped an octave. He gave Kageyama a long, incredulous stare before he shook his head and turned back to what he’d been doing. “RIP Taka.”

“Oh, we don’t share rooms.”

“I swear to god if either one of you does this again I’m gonna punt your asses straight into the sun.”

Setsuko’s eyes shifted over to the third figure in the room. A dark-skinned girl with one side of her head shaved, both ears pierced, dark circles under her eyes visible underneath smudged, messy makeup. She was lounging around on the sofa in nothing but her underwear, legs crossed, an arm tucked underneath her head.

She couldn’t recall her name at all. Might have had something to do with how much more presentable and well-adjusted she’d seemed the last time she’d caught a glimpse of her at filming.

“Methinks Yuzurun needs a dose to perhaps chill TF out.”

The girl swirled the oddly shaped glass container she held in her free hand. Whatever liquid it contained, Chiba clearly wasn’t pleased by it; he wrinkled his nose.

“Get that shit away from me,  _ you fuck _ .”

“…You know you can’t technically use  _ fuck _ like tha-“

Setsuko let out a tiny squeak as Chiba shot a brief glare at her. The girl laughed.

As her eyes settled on Setsuko next, she lazily grinned.

“Pettan there, then.”

_ Pettan-? _ Her eyes unconsciously slid down to her chest before she covered it with her scarf, breathing an upset huff. Even if she was somewhat curious about trying whatever she was offering, she wasn’t going to with that attitude.

“I have a name!”

“Don’t we all.”

“Minamoto!” Kageyama waved, face lighting up. “Sup!”

She returned the wave, keeping her eyes on the strange girl.

“What happened here…?”

“Nothing,” Chiba replied before anyone else could. “Just these two bastards disobeying the rules we’d agreed on. Hopefully it won’t happen again.  _ Right? _ ” he gave them both a stern look, his head cocked to the side.

Kageyama nodded vigorously, though the girl only shrugged. Either way, it must’ve been enough for Chiba, as he walked off into the bathroom, continuing to mutter grumpily under his breath.

“Don’t worry so much about Yuzurun,” the girl said, as soon as he was out of earshot. She gingerly placed the glass container onto the coffee table. “He’s just bein’ a spoilsport…”

“To be fair… he’s right. Sorry,” Kageyama lifted a hand to his neck, sheepishly rubbing it. “Probs shoulda told you before. Slipped my mind completely.”

“Eh. It’s fine. I like seein’ him get all hot ‘n’ bothered.”

The girl hoisted herself to her feet.

“You gonna go now?”

“Yeah. Got shit to do anyway,” she snickered, reaching out to seemingly shove her hands into her nonexistent pockets. She briefly frowned before she must’ve remembered what she was wearing. “Had fun though. Let’s hang some other time.”

“Sure! See ya.”

The two of them high fived before the girl strolled right out through the door without so much as an introduction to Setsuko.

Ah, well… She seemed like a weirdo anyway. She wasn’t sure what she should’ve expected.

“You seen Yui around, yeah?” Kageyama inquired once it was just the two of them. Setsuko shrugged.

“I think so… We haven’t really talked, though.”

“She’s cool,” Kageyama beamed, shoving his hands into his pockets. “She’s  _ super _ smart too. She’s, like, a medicine person.”

“Nurse…?”

“Nah, like- She works at a store.“

“A pharmacist?”

“Yeah!”

“…You wouldn’t happen to know her last name, would you?”

“Yeah. Komatsu. Komatsu Yui.”

_ Right. Komatsu-san, then. _

The smell was still there. It was kind of starting to bother her too now. Her gaze settled on the glass container Komatsu had left behind.

“She forgot her… thingy,” she blurted out, unsure of what to call it. Kageyama promptly picked it up.

“Oh, this one’s mine.”

“What  _ is _ that, anyway…?”

Kageyama paused as he gave her a  _ look _ , though she had no idea what it meant. She resisted the urge to squirm nervously.

“A bong…?”

“Oh,” she immediately felt her face turn red.  _ Of course. _ She was vaguely aware of what those things looked like. She’d just never seen one in real life before. She wasn’t even old enough to drink yet, and Takahashi was somewhat of a sheltered, innocent boy with these sorts of things just as much as her, so she hadn’t exactly had many chances to be exposed to it.

“Anyway, yeah, sorry for fuckin’… smokin’ up the place. Totally my bad. Small brain moment.”

“Ah, well, it’s probably fine as long as we can just air the place out properly… Are you gonna be okay, though? Chiba-san seemed pretty upset.”

“Eh?” he blinked. “No, he’s just like that. He’s not actually that mad, don’t worry. He’ll be over it in like a minute or two.”

She sure hoped that.

Either way, she was pretty sure she wasn’t going to be able to fall asleep until the air was clear again.

“If Chiba-san asks, I’ll be back later,” she finally said, taking a preemptive step back. “I think I’ll get some studying done.”

“Aight.”

The library sounded nice.

* * *

**tutturu** added **minamoto** to the group.

 **minamoto** left the group.

**tutturu** Today at 10:13 PM   
omg

**taka b miya** Today at 10:14 PM   
LMAO

* * *

**stan ayano** Today at 10:14 PM   
you good????

  
**minamoto** Today at 10:15 PM   
YES MISCLICK

**stan ayano** Today at 10:15 PM   
SHJDKSHKJDS OK WAIT ILL ADD U BACK

* * *

**stan ayano** added **minamoto** to the group.

**tutturu** Today at 10:16 PM   
i think thats everyone??? (*・ω・)

**taka b miya** Today at 10:16 PM   
probs

**lil pika** Today at 10:16 PM   
hewwo whats this

**tutturu** Today at 10:16 PM   
i made a gc!! o(>ω<)o

**lil pika** Today at 10:16 PM   
:DD

**webslinger** Today at 10:16 PM   
Hi!!

**lil pika** Today at 10:16 PM   
hi!!!!!!!

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 10:17 PM   
hello

**renatan** Today at 10:18 PM   
waaah theres so many ppl

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 10:18 PM   
its late

**stan ayano** Today at 10:18 PM   
it sure is why arent any of you fiends in bed

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 10:18 PM   
notification woke me

**stan ayano** Today at 10:19 PM   
god i cant even tell who tf is who with half these usernames

**stan ayano** Today at 10:19 PM   
WHO THE FUCK IS DAD SUPREME????????????

**taka b miya** Today at 10:20 PM   
thats me

**tutturu** Today at 10:20 PM   
OMG

**lil pika** Today at 10:20 PM   
keiji!! i think??

**webslinger** Today at 10:20 PM   
Its keiji!!

**stan ayano** Today at 10:20 PM   
why is he named that i dont like this

**stan ayano** Today at 10:21 PM   
**@Dad Supreme** confess ur crimes you bastard

**webslinger** Today at 10:21 PM   
I think hes at work

**stan ayano** Today at 10:22 PM   
whos the one with the edgy name

**lil pika** Today at 10:22 PM   
which one

**taka b miya** Today at 10:22 PM   
im like 99% sure its izumin

**I Am Damaged** left the group.

**taka b miya** Today at 10:22 PM   
DFMSKSMFDSM

**renatan** Today at 10:23 PM   
HEWP

**Yokoyama** Today at 10:23 PM   
Hello.

**taka b miya** Today at 10:23 PM   
hi nerd

**webslinger** Today at 10:23 PM   
Hi!

**lil pika** Today at 10:23 PM   
hewwo

**Yokoyama** Today at 10:23 PM   
I don’t like that nobody here is called by their actual name.

**renatan** Today at 10:23 PM   
hi!!

**Yokoyama** Today at 10:24 PM   
Also shouldn’t you all be in bed?

**Yokoyama** Today at 10:24 PM   
Hello. Again.

**stan ayano** Today at 10:24 PM   
hey yokoyama why did ur bf call himself dad supreme riddle me this

**Yokoyama** Today at 10:24 PM   
Honestly, I have no clue.

**Yokoyama** Today at 10:25 PM   
Can we not add nicknames? I don’t know if I can remember everybody.

**tutturu** Today at 10:25 PM   
you can nickname ppl!!! wait lemme showe in dms

**taka b miya** Today at 10:25 PM   
ive nicknamed all of u my minions bc thats really what u are

**stan ayano** Today at 10:25 PM   
ive nicknamed you ur mom

**taka b miya** Today at 10:25 PM   
SHAJKHDKJAHKJS

**stan ayano** Today at 10:26 PM   
DID THAT LITERALLY MAKE YOU LAUGH IM

**stan ayano** Today at 10:26 PM   
hate it here

**minamoto** Today at 10:27 PM   
I,,, dont know whos who either ;w;

**minamoto** Today at 10:27 PM   
Aside from chiba-san i mean rh3i82ur8329

**stan ayano (chiba)** Today at 10:27 PM   
well weve been over dad supreme

**minamoto** Today at 10:27 PM   
STOP BRINGING THAT UP OMG

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 10:27 PM   
im gonna be mom supreme

**stan ayano (chiba)** Today at 10:28 PM   
please dont

**taka b miya (hanamiya)** Today at 10:28 PM   
im also dad supreme

**tutturu** Today at 10:29 PM   
**@minamoto** lil pika is kazumacchi little ghost is matsuchin the rlly long pretentious one is arachin tamatama is momocchi webslinger is yukicchi and vesta is kotoricchi

**tutturu** Today at 10:29 PM   
OH btw im nao (=^･ω･^=)

**taka b miya (hanamiya)** Today at 10:29 PM   
whats worse the actual usernames some ppl have or naos nicknames for them

**tutturu (sakurauchi)** Today at 10:29 PM   
(ⓛ ω ⓛ)

**minamoto** Today at 10:29 PM   
dsfhjkdshs

**lil pika (kageyama)** Today at 10:30 PM   
little ghost is yui :D

**webslinger (takahashi)** Today at 10:30 PM   
The long one is yuriko-san!

**minamoto** Today at 10:30 PM   
ty mwah mwah

**stan ayano (chiba)** Today at 10:31 PM   
im going to bed try not to kill each other while im gone

**taka b miya (hanamiya)** Today at 10:31 PM   
too late

**lil pika (kageyama)** Today at 10:31 PM   
gn!!!

**webslinger (takahashi)** Today at 10:31 PM   
Bye!

**minamoto** Today at 10:32 PM   
gn! ;;;;

**webslinger (takahashi)** Today at 10:32 PM   
Should i add izumi-san back

**stan ayano (chiba)** Today at 10:32 PM   
man fuck him

**taka b miya (hanamiya)** Today at 10:32 PM   
do not

**webslinger (takahashi)** Today at 10:32 PM   
:<

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 10:32 PM   
hes probs gonna ask momo-chan to add him back if he changes his mind so dw about it!!

**taka b miya (hanamiya)** Today at 10:33 PM   
**@tamatama** do not let him in this is a gremlin free zone

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 10:33 PM   
omg natsurin-chan is typing

**taka b miya (hanamiya)** Today at 10:33 PM   
NATSURIN WELCOME TO HELLWORLD WHATS UP

**Natsume** Today at 10:35 PM   
Good evening! Thank you for adding me; regretfully I will not be able to take part in today’s activities, lovely as they may be, as my bedtime approaches. I urge you all to get plenty of sleep before tomorrow as well, lest you injure your bodies in some way. Take care, and do not forget to hydrate.

**taka b miya (hanamiya)** Today at 10:35 PM   
too many big words this is illiteracy oppression

**webslinger (takahashi)** Today at 10:35 PM   
Dw about it!! Theres prolly gonna be a lot of spam so dw about trying to catch up or anything

**lil pika (kageyama)** Today at 10:35 PM   
hehe 90% of it is gonna be taka probs

**taka b miya (hanamiya)** Today at 10:35 PM   
excuse you

**minamoto** Today at 10:36 PM   
im gonna head to bed as well ;w;

**webslinger (takahashi)** Today at 10:36 PM   
Gn!!

**lil pika (kageyama)** Today at 10:36 PM   
gn!!!!!

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 10:36 PM   
night!!

**taka b miya (hanamiya)** Today at 10:36 PM   
ok whos ready to see the sonic inflation fic i found

**tutturu (sakurauchi)** Today at 10:36 PM   
i wrote that

**Yokoyama** Today at 10:37 PM   
Uhm?????

**Yokoyama** Today at 10:37 PM   
What did I come back to?

**lil pika (kageyama)** Today at 10:37 PM   
dw abt it


	6. Wallflower

_ The announcer is sort of catty. _

_ You try not to think much of it, though. You think that might be normal when it comes to game shows. You don’t really tend to watch them. You wouldn’t have bothered giving this one a watch either, if it wasn’t for how badly you want to research it ahead of time. _

_ Episode 1 is never anything special. It’s the same pretty much every time. You skip through most of it, the ridiculous amount of captions filling the screen almost every second overwhelming you. It’s almost set up like one of those reality shows that you occasionally see a glimpse of online. You do wish they’d at least edit it like those too so the awkwardness would be a lot less palpable. _

_ You know why it has to be live. It’s because of the voting. Still, the thought of possibly tripping up and either saying or doing something incredibly embarrassing on live TV makes you so anxious, you can barely stay still. You realise you’re chewing on a lock of hair and you shake it out of your face. _

_ Episode 2 and onwards is probably what you’re dreading the most. So… about 90% of it. In your defense, who wouldn’t be nervous about something like this? _

_ Maybe you should text Takahashi. He always seems to know what you want to hear whenever you’re feeling under the weather. _

_ Despite that, you don’t pause the episode to chat him up. _

* * *

She slipped out early this morning.

She could actually fall asleep early last night, thank god. Spending a few hours reading had helped calm her nerves enough that by the time she stumbled back into the dorm, she’d already been half asleep.

That might have been why she woke up before her alarm had even gone off.

Stepping out into the common room, she spotted Hanamiya splayed out on the bean bag. His glasses lay on the floor next to him; she picked them up and laid them atop the nearest coffee table. Chiba was probably going to tell him off for falling asleep like this. The controller in his lap at least gave a decent enough reason as to why, even if she doubted Chiba would be happy with it.

She drowsily staggered across the room to the kitchen. Even though she’d already showered and gotten dressed, she still wasn’t entirely awake yet.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket. She jumped. She just barely avoided dropping it to the floor.

For a moment, she thought the group chat was still going, or the worst possible scenario: some unknown number calling. It was just her alarm, though, finally sounding.  _ Right _ . She’d neglected to turn it off.

She silenced it with a sigh of relief.

She managed to get down only a couple bites of instant noodles before she felt sick and gave up on eating. Her eating habits already hadn’t been stellar, and this whole thing really wasn’t helping. At the same time, there wasn’t much else she could do aside from complaining to herself about it.

She shooed the thought of going to the infirmary away. The last thing she needed right now was being shamed.

She quietly closed the door behind her as she left out into the hallway.

* * *

This had been the worst yet by far. And she had prepared for it! She thought she’d do just fine, no matter how much her own body told her otherwise; she’d even bragged to Takahashi before filming had started, who gave her a thumbs up and some encouraging words, letting her know he was glad to see her in such high spirits.

Oh, how foolish she’d been.

The start wasn’t too bad. She arrived fairly early this time around, sparing her the stress of sprinting through half the school, and allowing her to actually take in her surroundings properly and take her time saying hi to everyone else as they stepped inside one by one. True to what she’d been told, Takahashi arrived pretty early, and they spent a while chatting away while everything else was being set up.

The much more lax dress code made for a more relaxed atmosphere as well, even if by a little.

At least she stuck out a lot less with how varied the fashion choices of everyone else appeared to be.

So… the start really,  _ genuinely _ wasn’t too bad.

Natsume asked her at one point if she was feeling okay. She was visibly paling, apparently. She nodded her head vigorously before she was whisked away to the makeup station once again.

Sometime during the night a large, circular stage had been set up in the center. That was the very stage Izumin climbed atop when he was given his cue.

Izumin’s opening performance wasn’t quite like anything Setsuko had ever seen before.

Granted, she’d never been to any kind of event like this before. No concerts, no theater, no nothing. The thought of being trapped in a large crowd for hours and hours stressed her out beyond belief, so she’d stuck to watching performances online, either through official broadcasts or through shaky, handheld cameras in awful quality.

Needless to say, it felt completely different to experience this sort of thing in real life.

Izumin was a  _ really _ good singer. And as far as she could tell, they weren’t tuning his voice at all either. Even though he wasn’t wearing anything especially fancy, dressed in a plain polo shirt with cuffed jeans, the power of his voice and the confidence with which he performed each dance move made him seem  _ so _ dreamy,  _ so  _ charming-

She could almost forget about the last interaction they’d had. Almost.

She wondered if he’d react like that again if she attempted to talk to him.

He was performing a popular pop song, as far as she could tell. Or she was  _ guessing _ that it was popular based on how often she’d heard it played over the speakers at convenience stores. Some kind of generic love song, the kind that she’d never really cared much for since the lyrics hadn’t really interested her too much. With Izumin, though, the barrier of indifference was gone. She found herself swept up by it, her heart beating faster and faster, feeling as though he was singing directly to her, and-

She heard someone behind her click their tongue.

She glanced over to see Chiba rolling his eyes.

“Flashy asshole…” he muttered.

She resisted the urge to reflexively scold him for it.

Kageyama hooking his arms around his neck and ruffling his hair seemed to lighten his attitude a little.

When Izumin finished with a bow, Setsuko had to bury her face in her scarf so she could bear the overwhelming emotions that rushed through her all at once.

And then the stage transformed into a ramp, and her heart stopped.

Kobayashi, the announcer, stood off to the side, worryingly far.

“Well, well, well… You might be wondering what could be more exciting than what we all just witnessed. Allow me to introduce you to our very own _Human Bowling_! Spooky, I know.”

She could’ve sworn she heard Izumin swear under his breath, but when she looked over, the same polite smile was still frozen onto his face.

“Our contestants will have to pair up and face off against each other to see just who’s the most courageous of them all!”

_ Wait- _ Were those  _ inline skates _ …?  _ Oh no, no no no- _

“And don’t forget, whichever two pairs end up last will have to  _ fight _ for survival next week lest they suffer the punishment game!”

She genuinely thought her soul might have left her body for the next few seconds.

Great, of course they wouldn’t start with anything she was good at. Why couldn’t they have settled on some kind of trivia game…? And more importantly, why hadn’t asking people to pair up been outlawed yet?

Hanamiya and Kageyama fist bumped as they shuffled off, the latter considerably more enthusiastic than the former. Tsutsui was with that nervous student – seriously,  _ where _ had she seen him again…? Yokoyama followed after Fujinomiya, who was still just as pissed off at Kobayashi as before if the way she pursed her lips into a thin line was any indicator. Chiba and Akiyama – Yokoyama’s fiancé – shrugged before they walked off together, performing some kind of weird handshake. Hayama was chattering away as she dragged off Izumin. Sakurauchi and Aragaki high fived.

Ah, Takahashi- No can do. Komatsu yawned as she gestured for him to follow, her appearance much more dignified than the last time she’d seen her.

_ Oh no… What now…? _ She was used to this sort of thing, to being the last one chosen every single time. She would’ve definitely broken down crying had she not already felt like she’d used up all her tears these last few days. She attempted to wipe her sweating hands on her skirt, when-

“Ah, pardon me-“

She jumped.

Natsume tilted his head at her reaction.

She allowed her racing heart to slow down a tad.  _ Jesus Christ _ .

“Would you mind being my partner, Minamoto-san? Not that it seems as though we have much choice in the matter…”

He extended his gloved hand towards her, presumably for a handshake. Her eyes glided down his ruffled blouse, then his high-waisted shorts and his high heels. His snake was nowhere to be seen this time around. And  _ yeah, obviously _ , why would he have brought it to this kind of event…? He’d just be putting it in harm’s way. It was probably in his room in a comfy little terrarium, safely tucked away from danger, and, most importantly, far enough from  _ her _ that she wouldn’t need to worry about it.

She hesitantly took his hand.

Okay, fine, maybe she’d overreacted to the snake a bit. He really wasn’t especially menacing without it.

Natsume smiled widely.

“Wonderful. Let us hurry.”

His heels click-clacked on the floor as he strode after her confidently. How could he even walk so fast in those things…? She was sure she would’ve immediately twisted one of her ankles or something if she had tried.

Then again, that also gave her a little bit of hope. Maybe she could just depend on Natsume for now.

The task seemed simple enough, if still awful to even imagine. Apparently one half of the pair would have to give the other a push down the ramp and hope to god they’d hit the human sized bowling pins that were being set up at the end. Whoever knocked down the least amount would lose, assuming you even managed to finish at all.

Yeah, she would’ve had zero chance if she’d been on her own.

Natsume tapped his chin as they stopped right by the inline skates the filming crew had set up.

“Well… Which position would you prefer?”

As if on cue, Kageyama sped by, accompanied by a loud  _ WOOOOOO _ , arms in the air. Her stomach tightened.

“The last thing I want is to break my ankle on one of those, I’m not gonna lie…”

“Hm… Very well, then.”

Natsume accepted it so easily, she almost thought she misheard him at first. She sure as hell wasn’t going to argue about it.

He placed his heels neatly to the side.

“I shall put my faith in you, in that case. Do be gentle. I’m not the sturdiest person around.”

“Do I really seem like I could hurt you that bad…?”

“It was a mere jest,” he chuckled. “No need to fret; I’m feeling rather confident.”

He did seem just a tad frail, especially now that he was dressed far lighter than she’d seen him before. She made a note to try to be careful anyway.

As Natsume straightened back up with the skates on this time around, he bowed her head slightly.

“I am in your care.”

Komatsu whooshed by, her hands in her pockets. Setsuko took a deep breath.

She assisted Natsume over to the ramp, helping him climb the stairs on the side. True to his word, he didn’t appear to struggle much with balancing –  _ must’ve been those heels _ , she was certain. Well… whatever. She wasn’t jealous or anything. She was already tall enough anyway. Heels just weren’t her thing. Yes.

Why was she feeling so lightheaded…? Natsume would be the one in danger, not her. Despite that, it was becoming increasingly harder for her to think clearly, as though her brain had been filled with some kind of fog. It was… probably nothing to worry about. It wasn’t like she’d been especially clearheaded this whole morning, right?

She paused to regain her balance as she momentarily swayed.

_ Huh. _

She waved Natsume’s question of concern aside.

When they reached the top, she had to avert her eyes from the course. Just looking down at it made her feel nauseous. It wasn’t like they were  _ that _ high up, but she couldn’t shake the sensation of being pulled towards the bottom by some kind of unexplainable force. She couldn’t wait to be back on the ground. She couldn’t wait to be back in the dorm, actually. What was she still doing here…? These bright lights were awful. They were making her head hurt.

Her stubbornness in getting through this whole thing may have been what had caused her to shove Natsume a little harder than she had originally intended.

_ Whoops. _

Her panic lasted mere seconds.

Natsume skidded down with one arm outstretched to the side, the other one firmly planted on his head, as though trying to shield his hair from wind resistance. Apparently he had been completely unfazed, judging by how elegant he managed to make the whole maneuver seem against all odds.

And then he crashed into the pins and promptly shattered that image by ending up with his limbs splayed out like a starfish on the mat that had been laid out.

She almost fell right on her ass from relief, snapping back to reality at the last second.

She clambered back down to the ground.

_ Oh, thank god it’s over… _

Her head was spinning more and more, and she had to lean against the wall for support.

She wasn’t… sick, was she? She sure hoped not.

She lifted her head as Takahashi came into view, and it took her a moment to realise he had steadied her by the shoulders. She frowned as she attempted to focus on what he was saying.

“Are you… alright? Maybe you should sit down…”

_ Actually, yes. _ That would’ve been nice. She didn’t object as he began gently tugging on her hand.

A moment later, a scream rang through the air.

And everything went silent.

Her thoughts immediately jumped to the worst possible scenario.  _ Someone just broke their leg, or their arm, or their neck- _ She was going to be met with the sight of severed limbs lying in a pool of blood, or god forbid something even worse; her heart was beating so fast by now, it was almost deafening.

Fortunately, the images her mind had presented hadn’t been anywhere close to reality, and the scene she happened upon wasn’t gory in the slightest.

Holding onto Fujinomiya, Chiba appeared to be speaking to her with a worried frown. Apart from the dark bruise that had formed on his cheek, both of them seemed to be relatively fine. Granted, she couldn’t see Fujinomiya’s face from this angle, but she was sure Chiba would’ve been freaking out more if she wasn’t okay.

And just as the adrenaline began to subside, the ground vanished from underneath her feet.

It was within those last few moments of consciousness that the possibility she probably should’ve suspected first finally occurred to her, and as she landed in Takahashi’s arms, she cursed her past self for having been so stupid.

How long had it been since her last meal again…?

* * *

Click. Click. Click.

The sound of the pen clicking repeatedly in the school nurse’s hands was the only thing filling the silence of the infirmary for a while.

The whiteness of the walls, the bed sheets, the curtains, the floor… It was so unbearably bright, Setsuko couldn’t bear to fully open her eyes for even a second. The uncomfortably stiff mattress dug into her thighs. Her glasses had been placed onto the nightstand beside her bed, next to the now empty glass she’d been given water in, and the plate of saltine crackers she’d slowly nibbled on ever since she’d woken up.

The school nurse, Fujiwara Ryouta, didn’t lift his gaze from the clipboard he’d been examining for the last couple minutes.

“A case of low blood sugar is the most likely culprit, I’d imagine…” he finally spoke up. His voice came out muffled from underneath the mask he was wearing. Just like his lab coat, it too was immaculate.

Setsuko squirmed.

“Take it easy for the rest of the day, be sure to eat properly from now, and you should be fine.”

Her fingers were drumming on her thighs.

“Let me know if it happens again.”

“Y-yes! Uhm… Can I go now…?”

Fujiwara gestured over to the door.

She hopped to her feet so suddenly, she almost lost her balance again straight away. She slipped her glasses back on with moderately steady hands, bowing politely before scurrying over to the door.

Relief flooded her entire body as soon as she was out of there.

“Ah-“

She almost ran over Yokoyama and Natsume in the process.

They hadn’t been eavesdropping, had they…? She had no idea, but the thought made her feel kind of uneasy.

“Do excuse us if we have startled you,” Natsume adjusted his glasses. “We were merely waiting to be notified of your condition. For you see-“

“We were all kind of worried when you passed out like that. A lot of people had class, though, so we promised we’d wait here for a bit to see when you’d wake up.”

She tried to stare into their faces in an attempt to figure out if they’d heard anything, but she quickly gave up on it when she realised she wouldn’t be able to get much.

“Oh, uh, yeah. I’m good. I just… I guess the stress got to me a bit. I’m not used to this sort of thing…” she stammered out. It wasn’t like she was entirely lying. She gripped her scarf, fingers curling around the material slowly, sinking into the soft, almost pillowy texture. “Thank you for, uh… coming here, I guess.”

Yokoyama breathed a sigh.

Natsume glanced down at his watch.

“I do have to get going soon, but in any case, I’m glad to see you don’t appear to be in any mortal danger for the time being. Ah, and before I forget…” he reached into his pocket, pulling out something so small, Setsuko couldn’t quite make it out until he’d placed it in her hands, “this is just a little gift from me as a thank you for our earlier partnership and an apology for our first meeting. I’ve been informed I may have made you uncomfortable unwittingly.”

“You- Wait, who told you that…?”

“Is that of any importance…?”

“I guess not… But, uhm, don’t worry about it. It really wasn’t a big deal or anything.”

Natsume beamed.

“Even so, I do hope you’ll enjoy what I have picked out for you. Take it as a sign of my hopes for a fruitful relationship, if you will.”

And with that, he bid farewell, the click clacking of his heels gradually fading into the distance.

An intricate trinket lay in the palm of her hand, so tiny that if she were to drop it she doubted she’d ever be able to find it again. It was a cute, round, golden bear, holding an even tinier salmon on its mouth. It was… honestly pretty cute, but…

“I have no idea what this even is,” the words slipped out without thinking. Yokoyama stood on her tiptoes so she could peek at what she was holding.

“Oh, it’s another earring.”

“’Another’…? Does, uhm, Natsume-san do this often…?”

Yokoyama hummed.

“I’ve seen him occasionally gift people jewelry, yes. I’ve never worn mine, though. Not that I don’t appreciate the gesture or anything, uhm- It’s just that… well, I’m not one for this sort of thing. He hasn’t mentioned anything about it, so I don’t believe it bothers him.”

Well… Now she felt genuinely bad. This looked  _ really _ expensive for a gift… Was it even right for her to accept it, especially after all the suspicious thoughts she’d had about him? Then again, it would also be pretty rude to return this kind of thing, wouldn’t it…

_ Argh _ , she’d have to take a while to think about this.

She blinked as she suddenly remembered something else.

“That’s right… Is, uhm… About the… Game…”

Yokoyama frowned, and for a second she was sure she’d asked something she shouldn’t have before her expression relaxed just as fast.

“Oh, you’d like to know what happened after you passed out…?”

“Yes!”

Her face heated up at the thought. God, she just hoped it had been out of shot… The last thing she needed right now was visual evidence of it. She wasn’t sure if she could handle god knows how many people seeing her act so embarrassing.

Yokoyama rubbed her chin.

“Well, Takahashi-san carried you to the infirmary. As I said, we were all fairly worried, but we had to stay until everything had… properly wrapped up, I suppose you could say. I’m not sure if you saw, but there had been another rather anxiety-inducing incident as well,” her brows furrowed. “I swear this whole week has shaved at least a year off my life…”

She recalled the sight of Chiba with Fujinomiya in his arms.

“I think I saw, yeah… although I’m not really sure what happened.”

“Fujinomiya-san slipped, I think…? I was told Chiba-san attempted to break her fall and she ended up crashing into him in the process. They’re both fine for the most part, as far as I’m aware.”

Setsuko cringed at the thought.

“Well, this kind of thing wasn’t entirely unexpected…” Yokoyama crossed her arms. Despite how displeased she looked, her voice was becoming increasingly exhausted. “There’s an accident or two like this every year. I can’t say I approve, but as things are right now there’s not much I can do.”

“So… does that mean things will be continuing as normal…?”

“Unfortunately,” she nodded.

Knowing the nature of the commentary so far, Setsuko couldn’t imagine them not trying to turn today’s events into some sort of drama.  _ Ugh… _ Yokoyama was right, though; they all knew what they’d signed up for. The rose colored glasses had to come off at one point.

She silently reminded herself what she was doing all this for.

“…Thanks. For letting me know, I mean.”

“No problem,” Yokoyama bowed.

“Chiba-san is…?”

“Mm…? He’s fine.”

_ Squeak. _

“N-no, I mean, do you know where he is?”

“Ah…! I apologise, I do not. I believe he went to class, but I’m not very familiar with his schedule.”

“Okay, yeah, that’s fine.”

“Yes. That’s good.”

“Yeah.”

They stood around in awkward silence for another few seconds before Yokoyama cleared her throat.

“In any case, do be sure to take care of yourself, please. I would hate to see any of my juniors get sick.”

Setsuko nodded vigorously.

“Y-you too…!” she blurted out reflexively.

Yokoyama looked taken aback for a second before she nodded back.

“Thank you, I will.”

Setsuko headed straight to the dorm as soon as they parted ways.

* * *

“Oh, it’s Minamoto.”

Chiba sat up so suddenly, the ice pack he’d been using slid all the way down to his lap. He promptly shrieked.

Setsuko gave an awkward wave to the two that were present. Chiba had been lying on one of the couches, an arm slung over the back. Kageyama lowered the camera he’d presumably been recording something with. Whatever it was, it couldn’t have been that important, as he flashed a peace sign at her.

“Heard you survived. Congrats.”

“Apparently,” she gave a weak laugh. God, she was tired. “I see Chiba-san is fine too.”

“Why wouldn’t I be? ‘Tis just a scratch, I can walk this shit off no problem,” Chiba proclaimed proudly.

The bruise was still there, though maybe not as dark as it had been before. She wasn’t quite sure.

“Man, fuck the whole punishment game shit. I’m gonna mop the floor with everyone else.”

She blinked.

“Wait, you got knocked down to that…?”

“With Fujinomiya and their pairs, yeah,” Kageyama plopped down onto the beanbag. Setsuko frowned.

“Fujinomiya-san is one thing, but… Isn’t that kind of unfair? I mean, she would’ve gotten injured if you hadn’t saved her…”

“Yeah, well, I’ve been told it doesn’t matter,” Chiba huffed. “Some people just have brain rot, I guess.”

She supposed she should’ve been thankful she got off so easy, in that case.

Then her thoughts wandered. The footage would be up online, she knew that. If she wanted to catch up on everything she’d missed. She could. She  _ could _ , but…

She was already breaking out in hives at the thought. There was no way she’d be able to handle watching a recording of herself.

“By the way,” Chiba hopped to his feet, stretching a bit in the process, “I’m gonna cook soon, so let me know if you want a portion.”

“You don’t have class?”

“I’m ditching for today. Not in the mood. I wouldn’t be able to focus.”

Kageyama’s hand shot into the air.

“Takoyaki!”

“Not what I asked. Man, I don’t even know if we have all the ingredients.”

“Wouldn’t mind running to the store. I’d be back in, like… I dunno, 20 minutes.”

“Jesus,” Chiba laughed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You know what? Yeah, sure. If you can make it back in 20 minutes I’ll make your damn takoyaki.”

“Oh, hell yeah!”

Chiba pointed to Setsuko dramatically; she looked around the room questioningly, like a startled deer, before she pointed at herself with a confused look.

“You!”

“M-me!?”

“You can watch the timer. I’ll make you extra for it.  _ Are you convenient _ ?”

_ Aah… _ The mere thought of Chiba’s cooking made her mouth water. She hadn’t realised how hungry she still was until he made the offer. She nodded enthusiastically before she’d even realised it.

“ _ Perfect. _ ”

Chiba smirked.

“If you lose, you’re buying us all sushi. The expensive kind. Prepare your wallet.”

Kageyama pointed a finger gun at him.

“Get ready to eat those words.”

“…By the way, Chiba-san?”

“Yeah?”

“Did you mean, like… ‘ _ is that convenient _ ’, or…? Because I don’t think what you said means what you-“

“O-okay, listen here-“

“Oh, yeah… Minamoto’s right. Haha, didn’t even notice that!”

“Hey now…! That’s not what this is about!”

Kageyama snickered as he pointed a finger gun at Setsuko. Unsure of how else to react, she returned it with an uncertain thumbs up.

He got into position, facing the door. Okay, apparently he really was going to attempt to sprint all the way over and back. Setsuko pulled up the stopwatch app on her phone as she waited for Chiba to count down.

Kageyama bolted as soon as he was given the go.

* * *

The takoyaki was delicious.

So was the sushi.

Chiba munched away with probably the grumpiest expression he could muster. Even though Kageyama ended up buying them all sushi despite having won, Chiba wouldn’t stop grumbling.

“One second… It was just one second, that hardly counted!”

“You ever gonna get tired?” Kageyama snickered.

“You know that I’m right!”

“Hey, we bet on 20. No matter how close I’d be cuttin’.”

“N-no, it’s about pride…!”

“It sounds like you’re the one throwing his pride away,” Setsuko remarked, eyeing a particularly large bit of tuna.  _ Don’t mind if I do… Nom. _ She couldn’t even remember the last time she’d had a meal like this. She’d gotten so used to living on instant and frozen stuff, Chiba probably could’ve butchered the entire meal and she might’ve still enjoyed it. If only she could eat food like this every single day… “Don’t be a sore loser.”

“Yeah!” Kageyama held his hand out. Setsuko was only mildly startled this time before she high fived him.

“Lucky bastard…” Chiba huffed. He practically lunged at the food a moment later, shoving as many as he could manage into his mouth. “Hmmf…!”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full.”

“Yhor mwom.”

“Well, I don’t even have a mom, so…”

At that, Chiba paused, and the two of them stared at each other silently for the next few seconds until he was done chewing. He looked like he was just about to apologise.

She stuck out her tongue.

“Suck it.”

She narrowly managed to dodge the piece of rice he flung at her.

They might not have noticed Hanamiya in the doorway if Kageyama hadn’t greeted him excitedly, loud and chipper.

“Yo, Taka! Food haul!”

Hanamiya nonchalantly discarded his backpack to the side.

“The hell did you guys do, open a restaurant?” he shuffled over. Crouching down next to Kageyama, he unceremoniously stole the takoyaki he’d picked up. He gave a pleased hum.

“Yes, and those aren’t free samples,” Chiba jabbed his chopsticks in his direction. “Get ready to pay up, loser.”

“Boo… Friend discount?”

“I’m raising the price by 50%.”

“Lame. I’m leaving a one star review.”

Kageyama offered him another bite. Hanamiya accepted it with perhaps the most peaceful expression Setsuko had seen him wear so far.

_ Ah… _ This was nice. If only the rest of her time here was like this… It sounded like a dream. Being able to sit around with people and chat peacefully…

The only downside was probably how her glasses kept fogging up.

Her mind flashed back to when she’d gone out with Hayama and her friends. Maybe… Maybe the problem wasn’t with her after all. Maybe it was possible for her to make friends just like anyone else. Maybe, just maybe… she was-

“By the way, Fujinomiya-san said to let you know she’s sorry again.”

“Eh, it’s whatever… It’s not a big deal.”

“Fujinomiya-san…” she echoed the name, clearing her throat. “She’s the really intimidating one, right? Is she… always like that?”

Chiba tilted his head.

“Man, I’ve no idea. I don’t see her around often.”

“I think she’s chill,” Kageyama chimed in.

“You say that about everyone.”

“Yeah, but, like… Dunno, man. She’s got nice vibes.”

“She’s got vibes like she’d punch me in the face if I looked at her wrong,” Chiba sighed.

“But you still saved her earlier, though,” Setsuko pointed out, to which he frowned.

“Well, yeah. Obviously. I wasn’t gonna let her break her neck just because she’s grouchy. A certain someone’s conditioned me enough for it.”

“No idea what you’re talking about,” Hanamiya remarked. He received a playful shove.

They really did seem to be close.

She wondered if she’d ever have a friend like that aside from Takahashi.

He wouldn’t… mind, would he? No, of course he wouldn’t. What was she thinking? Takahashi was popular; he must’ve had a ton of close friends of his own. And she wasn’t jealous or anything. She wasn’t jealous at all. She stuffed another piece of sushi into her mouth to quiet her thoughts.

Besides, she’d soon be just like him too. Maybe she’d even be invited to a party someday.

The thought made her feel jittery with excitement.

* * *

She buried her head into her pillow, muffling her screams of embarrassment, thanking the heavens nobody else was around. Just as she thought, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t get through the video at all. She wondered how it was possible for  _ anyone _ to rewatch this kind of footage and not feel this level of humiliation.

She’d answered the concerned texts Takahashi had sent her before she’d even attempted anything. Her head had cleared up enough for her to feel like she’d be able to phrase things coherently enough. He’d been shooed off to class, apparently, but he hadn’t stopped worrying even after multiple people had let him know she was just fine.

She did feel a bit guilty for not checking her messages immediately. She’d just felt far too overwhelmed in the moment.

And now, there she was, reduced yet again to an absolute mess, in spite of all the encouragement she’d received from him.

Whatever. She didn’t  _ need _ to actually catch up on anything, did she? They’d already told her more than enough. She really didn’t need to freak herself out further just for that.

She promptly exited out of the video player.

The earring Natsume had given her was on her nightstand for the time being. She wasn’t quite sure what she wanted to do with it just yet. She’d never received anything like this, and the thought of not being able to properly return it in some way made her feel uneasy.

Maybe she would’ve been better off refusing it to begin with, no matter how cute it was.

She let out a deep sigh just before her phone buzzed.

* * *

**Yokoyama** Today at 6:13 PM   
Hello. I hope I’m not bothering you.

**Yokoyama** Today at 6:29 PM   
I understand you’re not exactly at ease with the current situation. I can definitely empathize with feeling sort of out of place in these kinds of circumstances, and I can imagine that the rest of us already being a fair bit familiar with each other might make things a little more complicated from your perspective, as you may feel like you’re intruding on something. This is just an assumption I’m making, though. Regardless, I would like to extend an invitation for you to join me for some drinks sometime, if that would be alright. You don’t have to feel pressured to say yes, though, of course. Please only agree if you can make time. I just thought it would provide an opportunity for us to get to know each other a little better. I’m usually free on Sundays, although I’m sure we can arrange something if that doesn’t work for you. In the meantime, please rest up.

**minamoto** Today at 6:33 PM   
OH UH

**minamoto** Today at 6:37 PM   
yeah actually that sounds fun!!

**minamoto** Today at 6:38 PM   
i am free this sunday actually ;w;

**Yokoyama** Today at 6:38 PM   
I see. That sounds good.

**Yokoyama** Today at 6:38 PM   
Ah, you don’t mind if I pick the location, right? I actually had a place in mind.

**minamoto** Today at 6:38 PM   
nope!! sounds good

**Yokoyama** Today at 6:38 PM   
Thank you. I will send you further details in just a moment then.

* * *

_ Dear Setsuko, _

_ I’m truly happy to hear you’ve been enjoying yourself. I do hope things have been going just as smoothly since. Please don’t take me worrying about you as an expression of my lack of faith; you know I love you more than anything, and I just want you to be happy. I cannot express how proud I am of you for the steps you’ve taken already, but please know that you’re welcome here any time if things become too much to bear. Don’t be afraid to rely on Takahashi-kun either. I’m sure he will be happy to help. _

_ I’m glad to hear you’ve been getting along with your roommates. I know this kind of thing can seem very daunting, but you’re a sweet, kindhearted girl, and I’m sure you’ll find plenty of people who will be able to see that and appreciate you for who you are. _

_ One of my colleagues has given me a postcard I thought you might like. I’ve included it with this letter. Keep it or send it to someone else if you like; I’ll leave it up to you. _

_ More than anything, please take care of yourself. Be sure to eat 3 meals a day and get plenty of sleep every night. And don’t be afraid to let me know if you need anything. _

_ Love, _

_ Dad _

Inside the envelope, underneath the carefully folded up sheet of paper, a holographic postcard of a grizzly bear was found.

* * *

**Moca’s hangry** @mocaandmatcha · June 8   
Am I the only one that was super anxious the entire time lol  #HPAEG

**eruru** @pannacotta636363 · June 8   
kotori-chan really made me worry ( •́ ∧ •̀ ) i hope shes ok

**Pancake King** @m6f8zy30413 · June 8   
Megathread of today’s clips~  #HPAEG

**step on me geodad** @mogumogu · June 8   
am i weird or is akiyama-san super hot hhhh

**kiwi’s corner** @kiwidraws · June 8   
today’s fanart!! pls share if you like ♥♥♥  #HPAEG #izumins

**Chai** @chaiteatime1203 · June 8   
me when i remember theres cake left in the fridge   
**Eu4BruoVoAEhdXz.jpg**


	7. Iris

_ It’s Keiji’s birthday today. Even though he has the tendency to use any excuse to celebrate something with drinking, you’ve gone out to a café. You think he might have suggested it to avoid the usual awkwardness of having to prove your ID isn’t fake and you really are old enough to drink. You don’t think he’d admit it if you asked. _

_ You suppose you don’t mind. You prefer coffee and dessert over liquor anyway. The café he’s brought you to is actually fairly pleasant as well. It’s opened recently, he’s told you, so there’s not enough of a crowd to feel like you’re being intruded upon. The ocean theming is quite soothing as well. And the jellyfish shaped light is oddly pleasing to look at. It’s kind of cute. _

_ You know Keiji doesn’t care much for these sorts of things. It might be his way of returning the favor for when you had to postpone celebrating your birthday, as he’d gotten held up helping out his parents. Which is very much unnecessary, as you’ve already told him you didn’t mind. You voice this to him. _

_ He laughs and assures you you’re overthinking it. _

_ You suppose the way he feigns excitement for the décor in a fair bit exaggerated fashion is cute enough. You’ll forgive him this once. _

_ He steals the strawberry off your slice of cake when he thinks you’re not looking. You pretend to be oblivious despite the tiny bit of whipped cream on the corner of his mouth. You finish his coffee while he’s in the restroom. He pretends to be offended and threatens to sue you over it. He cracks up while trying to deliver the last line. _

_ On the way home, you get caught in the rain together. You arrive at your apartment soaking wet. You grumble at him not to leave his clothes all over the floor for the billionth time. He yells back an apology from the bathroom. You hear water running. _

_ You hang out both of your clothes to dry before tiptoeing across the hallway. The door is wide open as always. He yelps when your ice cold fingers dig into his sides. Your revenge is short-lived as you’re immediately sprayed by the shower head. At least the water is warm. _

_ It takes ages to dry your hair afterwards. _

* * *

The evening was refreshingly chilly, a gentle breeze blowing through the streets. The sun hadn’t gone down yet, but the sky had already started to shift into warmer shades. Yokoyama Hiromi was dressed in a light cardigan as she stood near the entrance to the bar, her hair in a tight ponytail, her bag hanging off her shoulder.

This was about the only place where she could be considered a regular. It wasn’t entirely of her own choice, but she supposed it was pleasant enough anyway. Not rowdy enough to be a bother, but also not quite so uptight that she’d feel like she was having an official meeting of some sort.

She was awfully early, so having to wait for Minamoto to arrive didn’t bother her much. She’d always been the type to get going much earlier than needed. Even if the chances of her being late were fairly slim, she wouldn’t have been willing to risk it. It was only polite, especially when she’d been the one to extend the invitation. Besides, she’d been so swamped with work lately, not having something around to occupy herself with was kind of a relief in comparison.

So, there she waited, enjoying the quiet, peaceful atmosphere, allowing her mind to be emptied and her body to relax, just as Kageyama had taught her to. Inhale, exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Today, she was relaxing. Today, she had no assignments to work on, no lectures to revisit, no notes to frantically memorize. It was just her, the setting sun, and the busy streets of Tokyo.

“Ah, Yokoyama-san-“

Hiromi snapped back to reality.

So Minamoto hadn’t gotten lost after all. Admittedly, she’d been a tad worried about that. She seemed to be fine, though, if a bit overdressed in regards to the weather. Still, that seemed to be normal for her; Hiromi was sure she wouldn’t pile on sweaters like that if she wasn’t comfortable in them.

She reflexively extended her hand for a handshake. Minamoto’s hands were as cold and clammy as always. She’d read somewhere that that was supposed to be a sign of nervousness, though she wasn’t sure how true it was. Either way, she was quite intent on proving that she had no reason to be anxious around her.

“You weren’t waiting for too long, were you…?”

“I was, but it’s quite alright. I did come rather early of my own volition.”

Minamoto reached for her scarf. Hiromi had never seen her without one. She seemed to enjoy fiddling with it… and with her skirt, and occasionally her hair.  _ So restless… _ She had to resist the urge to warn her against fraying the fabric.

“Pardon me for asking, but you did bring your ID, right?”

She seemed to flinch at her question as her lips curled into a shaky smile. She gave a small nod. Perhaps she’d never gone drinking before. She didn’t seem like the type, so it wouldn’t have been surprising. Hiromi straightened her back.

“There’s nothing to worry about,” she said, doing her best to sound reassuring. She gestured towards the entrance. “I’m familiar with most of the staff here, and they’re all quite pleasant. You’ll be just fine.”

Minamoto nodded along.

“Y-yes, I know. It’s alright, really, I’m just not used to this kind of thing. Uhm…”

She averted her gaze all of a sudden. Hiromi couldn’t quite tell if she had anything more to say, or if she was perhaps waiting for a certain kind of reply. After a couple seconds of silence passed, she figured she’d take it upon herself to give her the push she probably needed.

“Well, I suggest we enter now, unless you have any objections.”

Minamoto slowly shook her head.

That was good enough.

Hiromi walked ahead. She figured Minamoto would appreciate it. Most of the patrons were crowded near the back; she nodded to the bartender as she passed by, picking out a seat and gesturing Minamoto over.

“Brought a friend today, Yokoyama-chan?”

The bartender, Akagi, was a startlingly tall, roughly middle aged man. She’d never seen him without one of his brimmed hats before, nor without his tacky jacket and suspenders. His shift seemed to consistently line up her days off, so she’d gotten accustomed to chatting with him whenever she’d run into him in here.

He could be a bit of a brat, but then again, so was Keiji, so it wasn’t anything new.

“A friend from college,” she nodded, “Minamoto Setsuko.”

“Ahh, she’s the little lady that fainted. I remember now.”

Minamoto’s face turned bright red at the remark.

“Akagi-san, please don’t make her uncomfortable.”

“My bad,” he chuckled. He waved Minamoto over as well; she appeared to be stuck standing even after Hiromi had hopped up onto one of the stools. “Don’t worry, I don’t bite. Just a little teasing.”

Minamoto shuffled over.

“Well, what will it be today? The usual?”

“I’ve been on a tight budget lately,” Hiromi shook her head with a sigh. “I’ve had to take more time off work until the Game is over.”

“Mm… Draft beer, then?”

“Yes, thank you. That’ll do.”

“Understood. And for Minamoto-chan?”

Minamoto stopped right next to the stool. Her eyes were on the floor, and she appeared to be fidgeting rather intensely.

“Minamoto-san…? Are you okay?”

Instead of answering her question, she opened her mouth to speak in the tiniest voice, barely audible over the chatter of the other patrons, even though they were fairly quiet to begin with.

“I’m… actually not old enough to drink yet, uhm…”

_ Ah. _

She wasn’t sure why she hadn’t considered the possibility. Perhaps because she’d accepted her offer in the first place. She had no idea if she’d just been trying to be polite or what. Either way, it was probably her own fault for not making sure in the first place.

Akagi bursting into laughter caused Minamoto to tense up like a startled deer.

“We can keep it between ourselves, little lady.”

“Absolutely not,” Hiromi frowned before Minamoto even had the chance to respond. Akagi raised his hands.

“I kid, I kid… I can serve her a virgin drink if she’d like.”

Minamoto exhaled so heavily, Hiromi was afraid for a second that she’d choked. She finally sat up onto the stool, though she still wasn’t meeting either of their eyes. Still, from what she could tell, she did ease up at least a little.

“Uhm… I can’t really afford anything expensive…”

“We do have soda.”

Minamoto glanced up.

“Oh, soda is fine. Thank you.”

Akagi winked at her.

“I thought Keiji had a shift today,” Hiromi remarked nonchalantly. She hadn’t spotted him yet, so maybe he’d asked for a day off. Or maybe they switched things around last minute. That wasn’t particularly rare.

“Well, you thought right. He’s on a smoke break right now. He should be back any second.”

The back door creaked open.

“Can I help ya ladies?”

Hiromi turned around just as Akagi handed over her drink.

Leaning against the wall near the back door stood Keiji with his arms crossed, lips pulled into a lopsided smirk. Her gaze glided a bit lower, settling on the black, lacy evening dress he seemed to be wearing. With nothing to cover his shoulders, his flowery tattoos were on partial display. He gave a mischievous wave, to which Hiromi sighed.

“What on earth are you wearing?”

Minamoto squeaked. A quick glance in her direction revealed she’d somehow managed to spill some of her cola.

“Lost a bet,” he snickered. As he strode over, his pin heels click clacked away on the stone floor. “Jokes on ‘em, ‘cause dare I say I’m rockin’ the look. All y’all should feel lucky.”

“Please tell me you’re not planning on walking home like this.”

“What, not a fan?”

She took a sip of her drink.

“I didn’t say that.”

Keiji draped an arm over her chair.

“Yeah? Want me to keep it for later?”

“Assuming whatever poor soul you stole it off of doesn’t mind.”

“Hah, Hiromin, that ain’t nice. I’ll have ya know I paid full price.”

“I’m glad to hear that. Now get back to work before you’re chewed out again.”

She gave his cheek a light, playful smack. He laughed.

“Roger that, ma’am.“

He got back to work tending to some of the other patrons. Grabbing a pack of cigarettes, Akagi nodded in their direction as he passed them by and headed out to the back. As soon as both of them were out of earshot, Minamoto spoke up, voice unsteady.

“Is… Is your fiancé in the yakuza-?”

Hiromi’s head whipped around so fast, she apparently managed to startle her in the process, judging by the way she was gripping her glass. Hiromi furrowed her brows.

“What makes you say that?”

Minamoto opened and closed her mouth a few times before she even attempted to speak.

“I mean, just-“ she flailed her free hand a little, “just… the smoking, the tattoos, the Kansai dialect… The…” she mimed a flex.

Hiromi straightened her back.

“Keiji is a perfectly respectable citizen.”

“R-right, I’m sorry.”

Someone from the other side of the bar whistled as Keiji made a show of mixing some elaborate cocktail for them. He received cheers as he struck a pose.

Minamoto quietly busied herself with her drink before she continued, abruptly switching topics.

“Are you two childhood friends?”

“Hm? No, we met in high school,” Hiromi gave a straight answer anyway. That seemed to have relaxed her a little, as she finally let go of her glass to drop her hands in her lap instead. “Why?”

“Just wondering… Since you both sound like you’re from Kansai.”

“Wait- You can tell?”

She wasn’t sure why she still felt embarrassed upon being found out. She thought she’d have gotten over it by now… but then again, people didn’t normally guess it so easily.

Minamoto flashed a nervous smile.

“It’s  _ really _ subtle, but you do have a faint accent.”

Right… she was supposed to be a linguist. She should’ve figured she’d pick up on this sort of thing.

Hiromi’s gaze flickered to the side.

“Ah, well, we both grew up in Osaka.”

“Ooh, that’s cool…! I’ve never been to Osaka.”

“The food is quite nice,” she allowed herself to smile faintly. She hadn’t been back in a while, though. She just hadn’t had much time. “Keiji’s parents run a restaurant there. We visit whenever we find time.”

“Oh, he bartends there too…?”

“Ahaha… He wishes. He’s a waiter. I suppose you must’ve forgotten his title.”

Minamoto immediately covered her face.

“Oh, it’s okay. I wouldn’t expect you to retain so much in such a short amount of time.”

She peeked out from behind her fingers.

“Did… you also have trouble remembering everybody at the start, Yokoyama-san…?”

“Ah, uhm… I… sort of sat down and memorized them at one point, so…”

The fact that she’d known most of them for a while now probably helped as well.

Minamoto’s hands slid down to her cheeks, then lowered below the counter once again.

“…Did you pick up your Tokyo dialect when you moved here?”

_ Oh, gosh... Back to that. _ She did her best to push down the awkwardness looming over her. Her discomfort was just a habit. A bad habit, at that. She had no reason to give in or entertain it, especially when Minamoto was inquiring so innocently. She was probably just curious because it happened to line up with one of her interests.

“…I guess you could say that. It was… more abrupt, though.”

“Like…?”

She stared down into her drink.

“Ah, well… I’ve been told I just didn’t sound very professional. So I, uhm, spent a very long time… learning to sound more respectful, I suppose. It was mostly just memorization and practice. I’ve gotten used to it enough for it to come quite naturally now, though.”

“You don’t revert sometimes…?”

“Occasionally, but it’s a little difficult. Especially over here…”

Minamoto went quiet for a few moments. Hiromi had to look over to make sure she hadn’t wandered off or something; she seemed to be staring fairly intensely at her own glass before she began fidgeting with her hands.

“Uhm… Sorry for implying Akiyama-san was a yakuza.”

Hiromi blinked.

“Huh-? Oh, it’s okay. Honestly, he probably would’ve been pretty amused by it if he’d heard it.”

Minamoto let out a tiny chuckle.

Even now, she still seemed so stiff… as though the smallest bit of provocation could get her to burst into tears. It was quite odd. She’d never come across someone quite like her before. She’d met plenty of shy people, sure, but Minamoto’s constant, frantic energy was… certainly  _ something _ . She honestly wasn’t even sure if she’d ever seen her completely calm, which was mildly concerning, but then again, she also couldn’t tell if it would have been fine for her to pry.

So, instead…

“Minamoto-san, could I ask you something?”

“E-eh-? Yes, sure…”

“Why did you sign up for the Game?”

Minamoto must not have expected that, as she didn’t seem to have an immediate reply ready. Her fingers ran along her scarf over and over, almost like she was trying to find the answer in there.

“Why do you want to know?”

“I’m just curious. It doesn’t seem like the kind of thing you would enjoy.”

She took off her glasses to dab at the lenses with her sleeve.

“It’s, uhm… complicated.”

So she did have some kind of a reason, even if it was private. Well… she wasn’t going to badger her about it. Curious as she was, Minamoto didn’t sound like she’d be willing to share, and she herself had never been a fan of overly pushy people.

“What about you?” she looked at her instead of answering, her glasses still in her hands. “You don’t seem like the kind of person who would want to participate in this sort of thing. I’ve… only heard you complain about it so far.”

_ Fair enough. _ She wasn’t entirely caught off-guard this time around; it wasn’t like this was the first time she’d been asked. She’d had to go around justifying her decision to every single one of her friends, so she’d gotten pretty used to explaining it by now. And despite all the raised brows and skeptical responses she’d received, she hadn’t regretted it just yet. No matter how unpleasant the whole experience had been for her.

She folded her hands in her lap.

“I have… aspirations, you could say. This country… This  _ world _ is filled with injustices. Innocent people are unjustly imprisoned, while the corrupt, greedy elites get away with truly abhorrent acts,” her hands curled into loose fists. “This Game is just a byproduct of the same system, really. They’re all happy to watch us humiliate ourselves in hopes of  _ maybe _ receiving a reward at the end.”

“But… you still decided to participate?”

“Yes. I did.”

She considered herself lucky. It wasn’t as though she’d been forced into it. Her grades were immaculate, and she’d never had any significant financial troubles. Even if something went wrong, she’d still have Keiji to rely on… and her brother.

Not everyone was like her, though. And not everyone was as cavalier about the Game as someone like Keiji or Kageyama. And that thought worried her to no end.

“I have no delusions about my own abilities,” she stated, her tone becoming firm. “I’m fully aware of my own limits. I’m not expecting to win or anything. For all I know, I may even be eliminated tomorrow. And that is fine with me. But… the time I get, I intend to use to its fullest. And I’m going to use it to convince as many people as I possibly can, while I have the most amount of eyes on me. I’m afraid this kind of chance won’t come around ever again…”

Minamoto was giving her a wide-eyed stare. If she hadn’t been so used to this sort of reaction by now, it might have made her squirm. As it was, though, she’d grown accustomed to being belittled and ridiculed. She could handle this much no problem.

“Did… you just give a speech you’d prepared?” Minamoto finally blurted out after what felt like forever; Hiromi felt her face heat up just a little. That wasn’t exactly what she thought she’d focus on, but the fact that it was so spot on felt a little embarrassing. Were her mannerisms still really that stiff and unnatural…?

“Not exactly a speech… just the response I’ve grown used to providing. I’ve, uhm… had more than enough opportunities to refine it.”

Minamoto slipped her glasses back on.

“Well, uhm… I guess I should say good luck for tomorrow. Although I’m still not… entirely sure what most of that meant.”

Even though she was visibly trying to sound encouraging, Hiromi couldn’t help but feel even more embarrassed now. She’d never been the best at putting her feelings into words. Even during presentations, she would usually excel at reciting all the lines she’d memorized, then clumsily fumble upon being asked unexpected questions. She’d gotten better at it over the years, but she still found herself tripping up more than she would’ve preferred.

Her hands moved without her realising, resorting to flustered gestures as she scrambled to try to salvage the situation.

“No, you see, you’ll understand when the time comes…! Tomorrow-”

“Y-yes, I know-“

“It’s a bit of a difficult subject so it would simply take an extraordinary amount of time to try to explain it all right here and now…”

“I can imagine-“

“I’ve done plenty of preparations- In fact, I’ve probably done more research for this than any of my papers so far…”

“Uhh huh, I’m not doubting you or anything-

“So, uhm-“

“N-no, seriously, I get it-“

The moment Minamoto raised both of her hands was when Hiromi finally gave up and sunk back down onto her seat in defeat. She’d stood up without thinking out of habit. She did her best to ignore the glances the other patrons threw her way.

Fortunately she was saved by Keiji sauntering over. He lazily leaned over the counter, chin rested on the back of his hand.

“Y’all need any refills? Offerin’ on the house.”

Minamoto accepted without hesitation.

* * *

“…Say, Akiyama-san…”

“Hm?”

“Aren’t you worried?”

“’Bout what?”

“Yokoyama-san, I mean… She’s going to have to perform tomorrow, right?”

“So am I.”

“Well, I know, but- I don’t know, I just feel like… it’ll end with her being ridiculed. She sounded really earnest, but…”

_ Snicker. _

“Ain’t got a high opinion of her, do ya?”

“N-no, that’s not what I meant-“

“I know, kid. Y’know, though, she’s smarter than you’re givin’ her credit for.”

…

“She knows what she signed up for. Y’think she’d just run headfirst into a wall without thinkin’ ‘bout it first? That ain’t the Hiromin I know.”

“So… you think she has a chance?”

“To what, win? Nah. Doubt it. But winnin’ the Game ain’t what she’s here for. I’m pretty sure she’ll manage.”

…

“Akiyama-san, why did you sign up for the Game?”

“Eh… PR stuff, I guess.”

“Like, advertising?”

“Yeah. You’ll see tomorrow. After that, I’m prolly done.”

“You’re not trying to win?”

_ Laugh. _

“What, _ you _ are?”

“…I… don’t really know. I’m just sort of… trying to survive for now, I guess.”

“Y’know Izumin-kun’s prolly gonna take it. It’s basically a glorified popularity poll.”

“…Maybe.”

“It ain’t worth breakin’ a sweat over that. Just get what ya want outta the whole shebang ‘n’ scram.”

…

“What’s with the face, kid?”

_ Sigh. _

“It just kind of leaves a bitter taste in my mouth when you talk like that.”

“Heh… My bad. Just tellin’ it how it is.”

“Maybe, but… it still feels wrong, giving up just like that.”

“Weren’t ya tellin’ me just now how you were worried for Hiromin?”

“T-that’s not the same thing-! Geez, it’s not like I said it was hopeless…”

“Yeah, I know. Just messin’ with ya.”

_ Huff. _

“…Well, whatever. I guess you can do what you want.”

“Don’t be like that, c’mon. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with tryin’ if ya want. Just aim for a realistic goal, y’get me? Shit’s gonna hurt if ya crash ‘n’ burn and ya ain’t prepared for it.”

“I’m not sure if you’re trying to encourage or dissuade me. I’m getting some pretty mixed signals.”

“Just lendin’ some advice, kid. Don’t think ‘bout it too hard.”

“Yeah,  _ fine _ , I won’t.”

…

“Thank you for being concerned, I guess.”

“Hm?”

“D-don’t look at me like that, it’s basic courtesy…! Would you rather I argued back, or what?”

_ Laugh. _

“My god, you’re so jumpy. I didn’t say nothin’. Relax.”

_ Pout. _

“I am.”

“Good. Need me to give ya a ride back once Hiromin’s back? Shift’s almost over.”

“No, it’s okay… I don’t think I could handle a bike right now.”

“’Kay, if you’re sure. Lemme know if ya change your mind.”

“I will.”

…

“Good luck for tomorrow.”

“Hey, thanks. Good luck to ya too, kiddo. Whenever your time comes.”

_ Pat pat _ .

_ Sigh. _

* * *

**webslinger** Today at 10:23 PM   
How were drinks? :)

**Yokoyama** Today at 10:25 PM   
You’re still awake?

**Yokoyama** Today at 10:25 PM   
It was nice, I suppose. I was pleasantly surprised by how talkative Minamoto-san can be one-on-one.

**webslinger** Today at 10:25 PM   
Haha yeah

**webslinger** Today at 10:25 PM   
Im glad you guys are getting along tho

**webslinger** Today at 10:26 PM   
Are you nervous btw

**Yokoyama** Today at 10:28 PM   
About tomorrow? Kind of. But there isn’t much I can do about it.

**webslinger** Today at 10:28 PM   
Youll be fine!! Youve practiced a lot right

**webslinger** Today at 10:28 PM   
I mean obviously i cant really speak abt it bc you havent shown me much of it but still

**webslinger** Today at 10:28 PM   
Yuriko-san said it was good right and shes pretty smart with these things i think

**Yokoyama** Today at 10:29 PM   
Oh, that’s not really the part I’m worried about. I suppose it’s part of it, but my main concern is just performance anxiety.

**webslinger** Today at 10:29 PM   
Yeye i get

**Yokoyama** Today at 10:37 PM   
I should go to bed… Stressing about it isn’t going to make me feel better.

**webslinger** Today at 10:37 PM   
Ye prolly

**webslinger** Today at 10:37 PM   
Lmk if i can help tho!!

**Yokoyama** Today at 10:37 PM   
I will, thank you.


	8. Amaryllis

_ “Dude, I’m literally so hyped for next week.” _

_ “Yeah, yeah… Ayane-“ _

_ “Ayano!!” _

_ “-or whatever her name is…” _

_ “She’s  _ so _ cute, man…” _

_ “I mean, she’s fine… I guess. I’m not that into idols.” _

_ “You should totally come wi-“ _

_ “Absolutely not.” _

_ “Oh, come on, you know I have nobody else to go with…!” _

_ “Shouldn’t have bought 2 tickets.” _

_ “Hey, it’s not my fault Kazuma suddenly got busy-“ _

_ “Why don’t you just sell the second one? They’re all sold out, right? You could probably nudge the price up a bit.” _

_ “That’s a disgrace to Ayano…! I can’t do that to her…” _

_ “Then I guess you’re stuck on your own.” _

_ “Dude-“ _

_ “What do you have against going on your own anyway? You like her a lot, right? It’s not like you’d be bored.” _

_ “I do! But…” _

_ “But?” _

_ “I dunno… I just don’t wanna look lame, I guess… going to a concert alone.” _

_ “How is that even lame…? Tons of people do that.” _

_ “Yeah, but that’s different-“ _

_ “It really isn’t.” _

_ … _

_ “You’ll be fine, dude. Just chat up whoever ends up closest to you. With any luck they’ll be just as much of a brain-dead fan-“ _

_ “Hey!” _

_ “-and you’ll have lots to talk about.” _

_ “…Maybe.” _

_ “Listen to me, for I am the one with the brain cell.” _

_ Snort. _

_ “Shut up, asshole. You sure you don’t wanna come?” _

_ “Yeah. Concerts aren’t my thing. I’d prolly get sick before it even started.” _

_ “…Alright, fair enough.” _

_ “Let me know how it went, nerd.” _

_ “I will, jackass.” _

* * *

Chiba Yuzuru had always been a morning person as far as he could remember. He’d stay up occasionally just to hang out with his friends, but he’d still set an alarm the next day. He’d do some stretches, then go on a light morning jog while the sun was still low and the weather wasn’t too hot. Shower, breakfast, hair straightening, getting properly dressed. That had become his routine for the last 5 or so years, and it was a rare occasion that he’d break it.

This was one of those occasions.

Martial arts competitions he could do. Sports he’d never lost sleep over. Performing on live TV and having the entire stage to himself, even if just for a few minutes… The idea was both exhilarating and genuinely terrifying. Which might have been why he was currently leaning over the toilet, doing his best to keep his breakfast down as Kazuma crouched atop the bathtub, chattering away with very few inputs.

“-and then everyone thought Red was dead until, like, the last 20 minutes! It was so fuckin’ cool! He rode in on, like, this badass fuckin’ bike and saved Blue in the last minute… And then it turned out Pink had saved Red with some funky medical shit and they all joined up and then shot this laser beam-“

Kazuma probably had better things to do than stick around here. Even though he’d been far more leisurely with his classes than Yuzuru would have ever dared, it wasn’t like he just lie around all day long, doing nothing. He could’ve been working on a script, or filming something, or researching props… or hell, just borrowing one of Taka’s games again. Taka wouldn’t have minded. And yet, Kazuma remained in place, phone discarded god knows where for the moment, in a pose that looked  _ so _ damn uncomfortable and yet seemed to be so natural for him.

God, Yuzuru didn’t deserve his friends.

Taka was probably still in bed. It always took him ages to wake up on his own. Sometimes he’d fall right back asleep, or just spend the entire day in bed if there was no one around to drag him out of it. Even then, he wouldn’t be fully conscious for at least a few more hours. Not without chugging several cans of energy drinks, which he  _ definitely _ wasn’t supposed to drink alongside his meds, but Taka could be stubborn.

Or Yuzuru could never convince him, anyway. Not that he’d ever given up on it despite that.

“…Y’think Minamoto is awake yet?”

“Huh?” Yuzuru glanced up with a frown. “I’ve no idea. She was still asleep the last time I checked.”

“Taka?”

“No way.”

“Yeah… prolly.”

Kazuma hummed.

“Was just wonderin’ ‘bout somethin’…”

“Yeah? About what?”

“Like, if they wanted to hang out sometime. I mean, like, as a group. With you too, ‘course. Like, uhh… group bonding, I guess? ‘cause… I’ve been wonderin’ ‘bout what you told me ‘bout Minamoto…”

“I was just speaking out of my ass,” Yuzuru sighed. “Not like I can actually see inside her head.”

“Yeah, but you’re, like, super fuckin’ smart.”

“You’re better with people than I am.”

“Am I!? I mean, thanks… Doesn’t feel like it, though.”

His stomach had finally settled down enough that he felt safe plopping down onto the floor. The tiles felt cold against his palm. The sensation was oddly grounding. Calming, even.

“Just feel like it’d be fun, y’know?” Kazuma gestured with his hands. He’d furrowed his brows lightly; he probably just couldn’t quite put his feelings into words. He’d always been more of an instinct kind of guy. Half the time Yuzuru managed to get what he meant anyway. “Was thinkin’ back to the takoyaki…”

“Ah, yes, the time you took the win anyway like a coward.”

“Rules be rules.”

“Oh, fuck off. But yeah, I guess. I don’t even know what Minamoto’s into, though.”

“Could just go out for food!”

“Maybe. If Taka’s willing.”

Kazuma could be oblivious at times, sure, but his intuition was definitely way better. He was probably just trying to find a way to make Minamoto feel more welcomed. Which was fine by him; she was a little bratty, but she’d been nice enough, and… he wasn’t going to lie, he liked that there was someone around to take him seriously for a change.

Hopefully he wasn’t about to ruin that today.

“You… want some weed before it’s time to go?”

“ _ Huh? _ ” Yuzuru’s head whipped around in exasperation. Hadn’t they been over this already? “You know I hate how that shit smells.”

“Yeah, but there’s edibles in the cupboard. For Yokoyama. Just sayin’… You look kinda dead, my dude. Might help you.”

He opened his mouth to give a snarky retort. And then he took another moment to think it over.

He’d only ever tried that stuff once, back in middle school. He could at least figure it wouldn’t mess with him too bad. Still, he also couldn’t shake the feeling that even the smallest lack of concentration would end up biting him in the ass later. Even if Kazuma meant well, this honestly sounded like a horrible idea.

“I’m good. I’m already better than before.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah,” he stood up, noting with satisfaction that he’d stopped feeling unsteady.  _ Good.  _ “Thanks for offering, but I’ll be fine.”

“Aight, if you’re sure,” Kazuma slipped back onto the floor, straightening up as well. He slid one of his hands into his pocket. “You’ll do great, man, don’t even worry ‘bout it. You’ve got this. You’ll be like what’s-her-name- That one idol you like.”

“It’s Ayano, you heathen.”

Kazuma grinned.

“…Thanks. I’ll fuckin’ try.”

They bumped fists.

Even though Yuzuru was definitely still a bit tense, it had at least become manageable enough. Kazuma was right. He’d practiced plenty. He was going to be fine. It would be over before he’d know it, and… worst case scenario, even if he got eliminated, he’d at least get to look cool in front of a bunch of people.

He’d just have to keep his cool until then.

* * *

He wasn’t fine. He was anything but fine. He’d had enough of people grabbing him and touching his face, and he was  _ definitely _ sick of being unable to occupy himself with anything while he waited around for everything to start.

He genuinely couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this anxious over something. Maybe right before his first match. Or maybe during his high school entrance exams. Or-

Akiyama waved at him lazily. His heart jumped.  _ Oh, thank god, another person to talk to. _ He marched right over, practically collapsing into the wall Akiyama had been leaning against. His fiancée, Yokoyama, was nowhere to be seen just yet.

He supposed it wasn’t like they were always joined together at the hip.

“What’s up, man? You holding up okay?” Yuzuru greeted him, voice only slightly unsteady. He seemed to be dressed in an eye-catching jinbei with intricate, flaming patterns, a sash tied around his waist, ripped jeans tucked into leather boots… a combination that, by all means, shouldn’t have worked under any circumstances, and yet Akiyama managed to pull off anyway. Some kind of a band hung loosely around his neck that he was probably just feeling too lazy to properly put on yet.

With Tsutsui working on everyone’s outfits, Yuzuru would’ve expected far more frills and cutesy accessories, but she’d done a surprisingly good job obeying everyone’s requests from what he had seen so far. Half of them she’d already finished weeks ago once she’d sufficiently cornered the recipients with measuring tape. The other half she was doing her best to get through in time. Yuzuru definitely didn’t envy her, but she’d been the one who’d insisted on doing it, so he supposed she couldn’t be regretting things too much.

He definitely liked his own a fair bit. Cerulean blue and martial arts inspired. He could’ve done without the one single sleeve, but Tsutsui had insisted it would enhance the performance, and she sounded so sure of herself he figured it wasn’t worth it to argue.

“Good. Tryin’ not to die of boredom.”

Yeah, that sounded about right. Yuzuru turned his head to look around.

“Where’s Yokoyama?”

“Should be here soon. Said she forgot to grab somethin’.”

Well, it was still early enough. And Yokoyama had never been late a single time during the years Chiba had known her.

“Fujinomiya?”

“Dunno. Somewhere nearby, prolly. I saw her wanderin’ ‘round a couple minutes ago.”

“Did she ever tell you what she was planning on doing?”

“Fujinomiya-chan? Nah. Lord knows what’s goin’ on in her head.”

He wondered why she’d even signed up at all. She hadn’t seemed like she wanted to be here at any point.

“How ‘bout you? Ya good? Be lookin’ like ya died yesterday but your ghost forgot to leave your body.”

Did he really look that bad still…? He would’ve thought the makeup had helped a bit.

“I’m fine. Just a little nervous,” he shrugged. Akiyama patted him on the shoulder knowingly.

“Chill. Ain’t nothin’ gonna go wrong.”

“Easy for you to say,” Yuzuru squinted up at him.  _ Tall bastard. _ “Not like you’ve got much riding on this.”

“Got me there.”

It wasn’t like he wanted to win  _ that _ badly. He wasn’t hurting for extra cash, and he was well on the way to the career he’d decided on after he’d graduated from high school. And competitive as he could be, he was sure he’d get over it soon enough even if he did lose, especially against his friends.

He was here because he had something to prove. To prove that he could be just as capable as anyone else here. That he wasn’t just some pathetic nerdy loser who’d never even had a girlfriend. Mostly to himself. But also to his friends. To everyone else. Maybe even the world.

It sounded nice… the idea of having fans. He’d always been kind of envious of Taka and Kazuma for that. Sure, he’d gotten plenty of compliments within a professional setting, but he’d never had anyone run up to him asking for an autograph or a picture. He’d never even had someone recognise him on the street. Even if it was just internet fame in Kazuma’s case, having people who enjoyed your skits and vlogs was still more than none at all.

That bastard Izumin had no idea how lucky he was.

God, he would’ve been  _ so _ happy to punch him in the face.

“I need a smoke,” Akiyama pushed himself away from the wall. Yuzuru wrinkled his nose.

“Is that even allowed?”

“Dunno. Don’t care. I’ll be by the main door if ya need me.”

Yuzuru waved him off with a sigh.

He wondered if Fujinomiya would be up for a chat.

* * *

_ Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. _

Was he sweating? He was definitely sweating. He’d been pacing up and down for god knows how long and, having gotten lost in thought completely, the announcement that they’d be starting soon had managed to almost give him a heart attack.

Apparently he’d be up second to last. Just his luck… It would’ve been too good if he’d just been able to get it over with right here and now.

He breathed a tired sigh as he watched Akiyama be ushered away.

“Oh… Hello there, Izumi-san.”

_ Oh god. _ He followed Yokoyama’s gaze to be met with Izumin leaning against the wall, arms crossed. Yeah, this was really just what his day needed.

Izumin returned Yokoyama’s greeting with a silent wave.

“Are you even allowed to be here?” Yuzuru narrowed his eyes, calling upon every molecule of willpower he still had to remain still. The smug smirk Izumin immediately broke into at the question made it all the more difficult.

“Oh, I’m sorry, does the peanut gallery have a problem?”

“Please mind your manners,” Yokoyama scolded him with a firm tone; Yuzuru stuck his tongue out as Izumin rolled his eyes. “I believe Izumi-san has received special permissions to go about as he pleases for the time being,” she turned to Yuzuru to provide an explanation.

_ Gross. _

“Huh? How come this asshole gets that?”

“Just me being here has already boosted their ratings sky high, you know,” Izumin raised a brow. “It’s only fair.”

“Fair, my ass.  _ You’re arrogant bastard. _ ”

“Forgot a word there, buddy?”

“Oh, shut your fa-“

“My god, do you two ever stop bickering?” Yokoyama interrupted, placing her hands on her hips. She looked from one person to another with a mix of annoyance and exasperation, clearly not well-rested enough to be dealing with this kind of thing so early in the day.

Yuzuru almost felt bad.  _ Almost. _ If it had just been literally anyone else other than Izumin…

Still, he supposed this really wasn’t the time to be starting shit. He’d just have to put up with this jackass for the time being.

They both turned away in sync, and Yokoyama breathed a tired sigh.

“You’re both such children…”

Yuzuru swallowed the retort he’d been about to give.

Fortunately they didn’t need to wait much longer for the show to start.

* * *

“Our first contestant is… Akiyama Keiji-kun, the Ultimate Waiter! A real heartthrob, according to the ladies in our audience… and the heir to a lovely french restaurant in Osaka by the name of le Jardin! If any of you have visited, you’d know the food there is absolutely delicious.”

Akiyama had tied on his previously loose headband. He stood around with his hands in his pockets, looking as relaxed as ever. If anything, he seemed to be enjoying the attention.

“Ya ain’t got no clue about food until you’ve given it a shot.”

“Your menu is a mix of traditional Japanese and French cuisine, correct?”

“Ya got it,” Akiyama winked. “Pops’ from France.”

“You wouldn’t happen to speak French as well?”

“So curious… A man’s gotta keep some things a secret.”

Yuzuru knew for a fact he didn’t speak a lick of French. Despite that, the bluff seemed to come without any trouble.

He’d always been like that for as long as he’d known him.

Another thing Yuzuru had no idea how someone could’ve possibly mastered.

“I presume you’re just as well-versed in the kitchen?”

“Hah…”

Akiyama placed a hand on his hip.

“There ain’t nobody here who knows more about cookin’ than I do.”

Kobayashi squealed in a voice so high-pitched Yuzuru had to resist covering his ears.

“Could that be what you’re about to demonstrate? Gosh, I would absolutely _ kill _ for just a bite…”

She tilted her head in a cutesy, exaggerated fashion.

“You don’t need any assistants, do you? Don’t burn down our equipment, pwease…”

Completely unfazed, Akiyama laughed.

“Save the concern for your self-control later, love. You’re gonna need it.”

And with that, he got to work.

Yuzuru had seen him cook before. He really hadn’t been lying when he called himself the best cook out of everyone here. The only person who could probably come at all close to him was Takahashi, or at least out of the people he himself was familiar with.

The crew had prepared everything he’d need ahead of time.

Lord knew what he was making. Probably something pricey, considering he wouldn’t be the one paying for any of it. That sounded like something he’d do.

Either way, he clearly wasn’t here to just fuck around. Akiyama worked scarily fast. His knife work was immaculate, as though he was some kind of robot optimized by Nao herself. No matter how many times Yuzuru had seen him cook before, it was just as mesmerizing every single time. He didn’t falter, and his hands never slipped. He was barely even looking at what he was doing half the time, as though moving on autopilot.

It was almost like watching some kind of a dance, as silly as the thought sounded. Like a meticulously choreographed dance that he’d practiced over and over until he could perform it in his sleep. It was so easy to get lost in it… To forget the cameras, to tune out Kobayashi’s obnoxious running commentary, and to only focus on Akiyama’s rapid, yet elegant movements, and the firm, but somehow also gentle way he handled his tools and ingredients.

Not before long, a delicious scent began to waft through the air. Even though he’d had a proper breakfast, Yuzuru’s stomach growled.

He only snapped out of his daze when Izumin next to him whistled.

“Foie gras… I haven’t had that in a while.”

“We get it, you’re rich,” Yuzuru grumbled.

He could’ve sworn he heard Fujinomiya stifle a snicker, though when he actually looked at her her expression was as cool and distant as always.

This was also when he started to wonder how long she’d been standing there.

“Is that jealousy I hear?”

“You wish. Food is food. Bet you anything the 120 yen pork buns from the stall down the street would be just as good.”

Akiyama would have probably agreed with him too just based on his eating habits.

“Someone here isn’t cultured. I pity you.”

“Gonna call me a peasant next? I fuckin’ dare you.”

They promptly quieted down again when Yokoyama shushed them.

By the time Akiyama was finished, Yuzuru had grown so hungry, he resolved to cook the biggest meal as soon as he was out of here. Actually… even before then, he would probably have enough time to pick up some crepes real quick. Maybe some bubble tea too…

Akiyama served up the plate of food with such pride, you would’ve thought he was handing over his newborn child or something.

The compliments were endless, as expected.

Yuzuru wasn’t jealous. He wasn’t jealous at all. Why would he have been? It wasn’t Akiyama’s fault that he was hot. Or that he was tall. Or that he was muscula- Okay, maybe that one… But it wasn’t like  _ he _ wasn’t well built…! Hell, Yuzuru knew for a fact that he was stronger, as he’d beaten him at arm wrestling every single time. So he had no reason to be jealous. Besides, Akiyama was a nice guy, he probably deserved being fawned over like that. Good for him.

Kobayashi was enjoying the food so loudly, he had to wonder if she was capable of reacting to anything in a fashion that  _ wasn’t _ cartoonishly exaggerated. Probably not. Maybe she’d popped into existence like that as the child of some eldritch abomination.

When Akiyama’s gaze strayed his way, Yuzuru gave him a subtle thumbs up.  _ Good job. _

Now if only he could pull his turn off just as well…

* * *

“Fujinomiya-chan! I do wonder what you’ve prepared for us today. Does it have to do with your title, or perhaps your-“

“Now, now, there’s no need for any assumptions,” Fujinomiya interrupted without any hesitation. The polite smile she wore was most definitely harboring some irritation behind it, but she didn’t seem like she was going to let it slip. She actually seemed to be handling herself a lot better than before.

Maybe she’d managed to get some meditation in or something. God, he wished that was him.

She dodged most other questions she received similarly. Granted, none of them had been particularly special. Nevertheless, Kobayashi persisted for an unexpectedly long time until she finally caved and allowed her to start.

Might have been to give the crew enough time to rearrange everything after Akiyama.

“Woo us with your charms, Fujinomiya-chan!”

“What charms?” he heard Izumin ask sarcastically. For once, Yuzuru couldn’t find it in himself to disagree.

_ Sorry, Fujinomiya. _

She walked to the center of the now empty stage. Her long sleeves fluttered behind her like feathers alongside the large ribbon tied on her back. They seemed… oddly bulky, even for something designed by Tsutsui.

When Fujinomiya raised her arms, it became apparent why.

Small, colorful parrots emerged from within the fabric. They circled around the gym, soaring through the air before they headed back to Fujinomiya, settling down on her arms and shoulders for the time being.

Had they been there the whole time…? Surely not.

A moment later, music began to play.

With each of Fujinomiya’s movements, the birds moved along in some way by either spreading or flapping their wings, or briefly taking to the air again before diving back down. She was performing some kind of a slow, elegant dance to a simple, almost melancholic piano track.

Yuzuru didn’t even know she could dance. She didn’t seem like the kind of person who would’ve been interested in something like this. But, then again, she also didn’t seem like someone who would’ve signed up for the Game in the first place, so apparently she was full of surprises. She’d always been closer to the girls than any of the guys though – apart from maybe Takahashi –, so maybe he just didn’t know her well enough.

It reminded him a little of ballet, just a bit more flowy and delicate, perhaps so as to not startle the birds too much.

He wondered how long it must have taken to practice this kind of thing, especially with the birds.  _ Months _ , surely, but god knows how many. Had she started before she’d even been selected…? And if so, how long had she been planning this? Was this just something she already did in her free time?

He had no idea what to think. All he could do was silently watch, entranced by how well Fujinomiya had coordinated everything, and the amazing fluidity with which she executed each move. Like a swan soaring through the clouds, its children closely trailing behind.

As the music gradually faded out, she struck her final pose, rendering the entire gym completely silent for the next few seconds before everyone broke into applause.

Everyone except Izumin, who only turned his head away stubbornly, reluctant to give her anything even remotely resembling a compliment.

And Yokoyama had called  _ him _ childish;  _ yeah, alright _ .

Yuzuru took a deep breath as he prepared to go next.

* * *

“That was… incredible, Fujinomiya-san.”

“Oh… Thank you. Are you alright?”

“Y-yes, I’m just fine. I am just a little nervous. I can’t help but fear that when it’s finally my turn, it might end up… underwhelming, I suppose. In comparison to you all, that is…”

…

“Well, I have no way of knowing.”

“Yes, I know that…”

“But I think you should have more faith in your abilities. You’ve put a lot of thought into this, haven’t you?”

“Yes…”

“So be proud of the work you’ve put into it. At the end of the day, that’s really all you can do at this point.”

“…You’re right… I already know that. It’s just… difficult. I’m not used to this sort of thing.”

“I can imagine.”

…

“Yokoyama-san… I owe you an apology, I think.”

“Wh- Why? For what?”

“In a way, it’s my fault that you’re here.”

“…You say that, but I think I would’ve ended up like this either way after a while. And I’m not sure if drawing it out would’ve helped, to be honest.”

…

“Besides, this isn’t about blaming people. We’re all in this together, right?”

“…Right.”

“Yes. And it’s not like it could’ve been helped. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Thank you.”

“Yes…!”

…

“Good luck… I’m curious to see what you’ve prepared.”

“Oh, uhm… I hope not to disappoint. Thank you.”

* * *

His heart was beating so intensely, it managed to deafen him for a couple moments. Kobayashi’s voice muffled and distant, he just barely managed to register most of what she was saying, replying mostly on autopilot. He could tell he was being far stiffer than he’d been before.

He wondered if any of his friends were watching. Could they tell he was being awkward…? Probably. He was  _ definitely _ going to be teased about this later. That was fine; he could live with that much.

“So… do you think you’re ready? Use your big boy words now.”

That bastard Izumin was probably making fun of him right about now.

The thought flooded him with so much petty irritation out of nowhere it actually managed to snap him out of his stupor without any warning.

“Yes!” he exclaimed, definitely much louder than he should’ve. His face began heating up immediately from the embarrassment, though he did his best to push it back down. He wasn’t gonna let his anxiety get in the way. He was going to do this, one way or another.

Kobayashi stumbled back slightly from the overly enthusiastic response.

“V-very well, then! All yours, now, Chiba-kun.”

Akiyama and Yokoyama each gave him a thumbs up.

He marched over to the stage with resolute steps.

As soon as the music came on, his body practically moved on its own, and he was flooded with immediate relief.

He hadn’t spent the last 2 months practicing every single day for no reason.

As a kid, he’d never been able to get behind idols. He’d liked listening to music, sure, but pop music was for  _ girls _ , and pretty ladies dancing and singing in cute, frilly outfits was the last thing he would’ve been caught watching. Even if he had thought they were really pretty, he’d persistently change the channel or click off the video each time he’d come across one.

And then high school came and Taka made fun of him for being such a stubborn idiot, and before he knew it, he’d fallen in love with Ayano’s singing. And maybe a little bit with her personality and smile. And…

Yeah, it was just wishful thinking on his end. It wasn’t like she even knew he existed. Not that that was enough to stop him from picking out one of her songs to compose a choreography to.

He probably could’ve asked Kazuma for help. Kazuma was way better at freestyling, but he was sure he would’ve been able to come up with at least a couple tips. Yuzuru never did ask, though. He wanted to feel like he’d made something all on his own. Otherwise it would’ve defeated the entire purpose. He wouldn’t have impressed anybody. Besides, it wasn’t like  _ he _ couldn’t dance. In fact, if he’d been at a party or something, he would’ve been more than happy to flex his skills and have everyone else applaud him for it.

He supposed he could only hope it wouldn’t just be impressive on the scale of a college get-together.

His movements were a stark contrast to Fujinomiya’s. As opposed to her elegant, slow style, his own was much more fast-paced and energetic, marked by more than a few moves that could’ve easily gone wrong if he hadn’t been so flexible and agile and hadn’t spent a good while stretching thoroughly beforehand.

Minamoto better had been watching. This was probably the best chance he’d get for a while to show off.

He was so out of breath by the end, his vision straight up flickered for a second. It must’ve been from all the stress. It was okay, though. He’d actually managed to pull it off without fumbling at any point. He could barely believe it.

Man, he must’ve looked so cool. He couldn’t figure out if he felt more smug or flustered about the enthusiastic applause he received. What had he even been so worried about…? That he’d make an idiot of himself? Those feelings felt so distant by now; he skipped over to the others with upbeat steps, leaping into the air so he could highfive Akiyama.

“Wooo! Did you see that?  _ No problem, I’m so cool! _ ”

He ignored the snarky remark Izumin muttered about his English.

“Yeah, man, ya kicked its ass,” Akiyama grinned, “GG. Proud of ya.”

“Hell yeah I did! Bow down before me, losers!”

Fujinomiya stood off to the side, observing them in silence, tending to her birds. Guess she wasn’t feeling up to a group hug.

Yokoyama was…

_ Ah. _

He’d forgotten she was about to go next. From the looks of it,  _ she _ hadn’t. She was tapping one of her feet so fast and so intensely, she looked like she was trying to crack the floor open or something.

She flinched when he slid in front of her.

“You’ll be fine!” he stated firmly, giving her two thumbs ups. “You’ve got this. You’re gonna nail it.”

“Y-yes, you’re right,” she stammered out, still fairly uncertain. Her gaze slipped past him to settle on Akiyama.

He gave her an encouraging wink.

“Go get ‘em.”

She nodded.

Yuzuru wasn’t all that worried about her. Nervous as she seemed, she’d always been great at taking setbacks in stride. Never once had she let someone else’s views of her discourage her from giving something a try. Even in the worst case scenario, she’d more than likely still come out okay and able to move on with her life.

Yokoyama was determined like that. Even though she could be a little difficult to talk to at times, that was definitely something he’d always admired about her.

He plopped down onto the nearest chair for the time being. His heart was still racing from before.

* * *

Yokoyama stood in the center of the stage, a microphone stand in front of her. Yuzuru had to wonder how she wasn’t melting in her formal jacket. Even with the air conditioning, he couldn’t possibly imagine that being comfortable.

Yokoyama didn’t seem to be letting that affect her, though. She stood with her back straight as ever, arms by her sides, as though she was about to give some kind of speech.  _ Surely not…? _ Even she must’ve known that sort of thing wouldn’t work out in this kind of setting.

Akiyama didn’t seem worried in the slightest, so Yuzuru held his tongue.

Yokoyama took a deep breath.

“There was a person I knew once. An upstanding young man who was truly kind at heart and had never caused anybody harm.”

_ Oh no, is she actually giving a speech…?  _ He resisted the urge to hide from the secondhand embarrassment creeping up on him.

“This young man was betrayed. He was betrayed by his family, his friends… the community that was meant to keep him safe.”

He jumped when Akiyama wordlessly laid a firm hand on his shoulder.

“Today, I will be telling you his story. I implore you to listen carefully.”

With that, Yokoyama ripped off her jacket and dramatically cast it aside to reveal a sleeveless button up, a tie loosely hung around her shoulders. Before Yuzuru could even register what was going on, she took hold of the mic, removing it from its stand and gripping it in one hand instead.

Her voice boomed throughout the entire gym. She wasn’t going to be giving a speech after all. She was… reciting poetry!? Pretty intense kind at that.

She must’ve composed it herself, as her speech patterns were very clearly shining through it. Despite that, her voice was also much more powerful, her tone much more emotional than her usual stiff way of speaking. Along with that, her body language seemed to have transformed as well, as she gestured along passionately, almost as though she was trying to act out everything she was describing. She must’ve received help from somebody, though, from who, he had no idea.

He supposed he shouldn’t have been so worried after all. Yokoyama could be a little clueless at times, but she’d never been the type to rush into things blindly. Of course she would’ve thought things through. Even if they weren’t really friends or anything, he should’ve known.

The story she was recounting, he wasn’t familiar with. Either she’d gotten really good at acting all of a sudden, or it was something deeply personal she was opening up about. He wasn’t quite sure if they were close enough for him to ask.

Not that they’d have time to have a conversation like that anytime soon… or not while they were still here anyway.

So, he only stood by in silence instead as Akiyama’s hand slipped off his shoulder.

* * *

The break they got for the duration of the voting period wasn’t very long. It was supposed to be a privilege for live viewers, so he should’ve figured they weren’t going to draw it out too much. And it wasn’t like he didn’t appreciate being done with the whole thing sooner.

Hands in his pockets, restless from all his pent up energy, he shifted his weight from one foot to another repeatedly until it was finally time.

“Welcome back, our wonderful viewers! I’m sure you’ve been eagerly awaiting to see who will have survived this round. Well, the votes are in, and, as your lovely host, I’m pleased to present you all the results!”

He crossed his fingers, not even daring to look at everyone else’s reactions.

“First up, the one in last place… I’m very sorry to say we’ll be saying goodbye to our lovely little Yokoyama-chan, having received only 23% of the votes. A for effort, though, darling!”

“Shouldn’t have gotten political,” Izumin sneered. Yuzuru shot him a glare.

Instead of getting annoyed with him, though, Yokoyama crossed her arms, sending an oddly satisfied smirk his way.

“Honestly… that’s already a lot higher than what I was expecting. It seems like I managed to touch quite a few people’s hearts.”

Yuzuru nodded along.

“Yeah, so you can shove that right up your-“

“Chiba-san.”

“You can… wallow in your salty little corner.”

Izumin clicked his tongue.

“You may be wondering… Who else could possibly be dropping out this round? Weeeell…”

_ Please, please, please. _

“I’m afraid Chiba-kun will have to go! With 24% of the votes, he  _ juuuust _ barely didn’t make it.”

_ Oh. _

_ Dammit. _

Yuzuru rolled his eyes at Izumin’s smug expression. He supposed he’d been prepared for this kind of outcome. Not that that didn’t lessen the sting, but…

“Incidentally, second place belongs to Fujinomiya-chan with 25, with first place… you guessed it! To Akiyama-kun, with 28! Wooow! Could our dearest viewers have been feeling hungry today, perhaps?”

_ Shit, that was close too. _

Fujinomiya didn’t look too fazed either way. Then again, Yuzuru had never had a particularly easy time reading her. He wasn’t even sure if she really cared all that much.

Akiyama, on the other hand, looked mildly puzzled.

“Well… damn,” he scratched his head, clearly not having expected these kinds of results. “Musta overdone it.”

“Oh, shut your face…” Yuzuru grumbled. He gave him a begrudging pat on the arm. “Congrats.”

“Oh nooo… You tellin’ me I’ll have to keep wakin’ up early now? Lord, save me…”

This time, Akiyama was rewarded with a whack on the back, to which he only snickered. Despite his attitude, Yuzuru really couldn’t bring himself to be mad at him. It wasn’t the dude’s fault that things had gone this way.

_ No hard feelings. _

In the next moment, his attention was grabbed by Kobayashi yet again.

“Ohoho… but before we interview our winners, we hope you’re excited for our punishment game! Because I sure am!”

_ Right. _ It had almost slipped his mind.

Well, by this point, how bad could things get?

He wasn’t liking the mischievous way Kobayashi was grinning, though.

“Fortunately, I have some very fun news for everybody! We’ve heard your complaints about our punishment games being the same, boring old thing every single year… so, we’ve decided to add some improvements!”

_ Uh oh. _

“You see, we’ve actually been doing some digging in secret…”

His blood immediately ran cold.  _ Surely not…? _ Yeah, there was no way… Still, even though he knew it was unlikely, he couldn’t stop the sinking feeling in his stomach.

His relief, as it turned out, would last less than a second.

“So we have some very special guests here with us!”

He couldn’t even make out the rest. All the noise surrounding him faded away into the distance as his eyes settled one of the people who stepped forward from the crowd. A woman short and slender, hair pinned up into a tight bun, dressed in an expensive white suit, face all too familiar.

_ Shit, shit shit- _

Without taking even a single second further to think things through, he turned and ran.

* * *

**lil pika (a good boye)** Today at 11:42 AM   
has anyone seen where yuzurus gone????

**dad supreme (long long man)** Today at 11:42 AM   
Ran off towards the main building i think

**dad supreme (long long man)** Today at 11:42 AM   
Thats all i know tho

**lil pika (a good boye)** Today at 11:42 AM   
:(

**dad supreme (long long man)** Today at 11:42 AM   
Srry

* * *

**lil pika (a good boye)** Today at 11:52 AM   
hey please reply

**lil pika (a good boye)** Today at 11:52 AM   
ik u might wanna be alone for a bit but i just wanna know if ur ok

**lil pika (a good boye)** Today at 11:58 AM   
smh

* * *

The wall was cold and hard against his back. He was crouching on the floor, arms wrapped around his knees, surrounded by pitch black darkness. A broom was digging into his shoulder uncomfortably, and he’d almost broken a bucket the first time he’d stumbled inside, but he wasn’t feeling up to moving just yet.

He wasn’t feeling up to doing anything, really.

Not even in his wildest dreams could he have imagined that the day would end up being so catastrophic. Now, though, he scolded himself for having gotten his hopes up. As if things would go his way just like that,  _ yeah, right _ …

His phone was persistently buzzing in his pocket. He didn’t dare pull it out, though. Because if he were to check, then he’d know for sure… He’d know for sure how much  _ she  _ had shared, and the thought terrified him to no end.

How could any of them have thought breaching their privacy like this would be okay? Hell… how had they even found her…? He’d changed his name a  _ long _ time ago; there was no way anything they’d found had been obtained legally.

Yokoyama was definitely going to give everyone involved hell later. The thought did little to comfort him.

He had no idea how much time he’d spent in here already. Maybe an hour, maybe two. He’d been so spaced out, he had pretty much no way of telling. His eyes still stung from the panicked tears he’d shed earlier, so maybe not too long after all.

He would’ve run back to the dorm, had he not been sure that someone would be waiting for him in there. Or the street, if… well… he hadn’t still been dressed like this. He would’ve definitely stuck out, and he really didn’t need that.

So… no matter how cramped and uncomfortable this place was, he wasn’t going to step out anytime soon until he could be sure there wouldn’t be anyone around to see. Maybe he could just spend the entire rest of the day in here.  _ Fuck it. _ He’d had worse. He could probably even doze off after a while if he tried hard enough.  _ Yeah. _

As soon as his resolve hardened, the door to the janitor’s closet was pulled open, and a sheepish Minamoto poked her head inside.

_ Oh, goddammit. _

She seemed actually surprised, like she hadn’t expected to find him in here of all places. Her long, thin fingers were gripping the doorway as though trying to hold onto it for safety, and her eyes flickered all over the place, avoiding direct eye contact. The light from the hallway lit her from behind so brightly, she almost looked like a bloody angel standing in front of the door to the damn afterlife or something.

“Can I come in…?”

The question was ridiculous, even she must’ve known that. And yet, neither of them acknowledged it. Instead, Yuzuru spent a good few seconds staring at her incredulously, unsure of how to proceed before he finally gave in and waved her inside with a sigh.

She closed the door behind her then let out a squeak, presumably at the sudden darkness.

He let an involuntary and unexpected snicker slip.

Minamoto ran her hands along the wall in search for the light switch, missing it narrowly each time. After multiple attempts, she finally gave up, defeated, and sank to the floor.

Man, she was so odd.

After a minute or so of silence, she seemed to have gathered up the courage to speak up again. Fumbling with her scarf, she addressed him quietly.

“Uhm… I know we’re not really friends or anything, but- I just wanted to say, uhm… If you wanna talk about it…”

He frowned.

“We’re not?”

“Huh-?”

“Friends.”

“Oh,” she froze up briefly, as though he’d caught her off-guard. Her nervous giggle had an edge of anxiety to it. “I, uh… I just thought- I mean… I’m sorry.”

“I’m not mad…?”

“O-oh… Well, even so… That was mean.”

“It really wasn’t.”

“It was!”

“I’m just confused, settle your ass down for a second!” he raised his voice slightly in exasperation.

Minamoto crossed her arms with an annoyed huff.

Getting on her knees, she then crawled over on her hands and feet until she was close enough that he could properly make her face out again despite the horribly dim lighting. Her brows were furrowed in determination, her glasses sitting ever so slightly crooked on her face, her bottom lip jutting out childishly.

He was yet again reminded just how young she was.

“Do you want to talk about it, you bastard?” she asked once more, sounding more certain of herself this time around. The playful antagonism in her tone was oddly comforting.

“About what?”

“The broadcast.”

“Oh. You watched it.”

_ Of course she did. _

“Well, yeah. I was curious.”

The silence he inadvertently fell into as he attempted to think things over, she took as an indication to continue.

“If you’re wondering, it wasn’t like… presented as some kind of a huge disaster. If… that’s comforting, that is. It sounded like they were just trying to create more drama.”

“Yeah, like I couldn’t have guessed that…”

“H-hey, I’m just trying to help…!”

“I know.”

“They said they’d interview you later about it.”

“Like shit they will.”

“…Who was that lady? She wasn’t your mom, was she?”

There it was. The question he’d been dreading.

Then again, she probably could’ve guessed as much on her own even without any input on his behalf.

He clicked his tongue.

“…Yeah.”

“Do you… not get along?”

“You could say that. It’s a bit of a long story.”

Frustratingly enough, she didn’t take that as her cue to stop prying. Shifting around in place for a bit, she tugged on her scarf carefully.

“…Do you wanna-“

“No, actually,” he finally replied, tone as firm as he could make it sound without outright chiding. He rested his chin on his knee as he turned his head away. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

Unexpectedly, she’d actually gotten it this time.

“Oh. Okay.”

_ Huh. _

She plopped down onto the floor.

She must not have been comfortable with awkward silences, as she took it upon herself to break it again, though this time thankfully not by badgering him with more questions.

“My mom was kind of awful too, apparently. So, uh… I get it. Maybe. If that helps.”

She sounded like she was trying  _ so _ hard, it was making it increasingly difficult for him to stay mad.

He supposed he couldn’t be that hard on her. She was just a kid in the end. It wasn’t like she had bad intentions.

“…’Was’?”

“Oh. It’s… also kind of a long story.”

So she didn’t want to shar-

“But, uhm, the gist is that I just haven’t seen her in a really long time. So I guess it would just feel weird to use present tense.”

“…God, I wish that was me.”

She laughed along nervously.

She finally let go of her scarf, her hands lowering into her lap to begin fidgeting with her fingers instead. He wondered if she ever stopped doing that. In fact, he was kind of curious if it was even possible for her to be in a state that wasn’t at least somewhat tense. He definitely hadn’t observed it.

Natsurin probably could’ve gotten an entire psychology paper out of her.

“…You know, putting everything aside… I really did think you were cool out there.”

_ Ah. _

He also hadn’t expected to hear that, especially not  _ now _ . He would’ve assumed she’d been joking, had her tone not been so genuine. Besides… from what he’d seen, Minamoto wasn’t exactly the most convincing liar.

_ Oh no _ , he could feel himself getting choked up again. He shook his head rapidly to push it away, startling her slightly in the process.

“You… really think so?”

“Yeah…! I know I’m not exactly experienced in this sort of field, so maybe my opinion doesn’t mean much… but I thought it was very impressive!”

_ Oh, geez- _

“ _ I _ definitely wouldn’t be able to pull off something like that anyway… so, yeah, I think it’s pretty amazing that you could put together something like that. Especially with the time available… You looked  _ really _ professional-“

Her voice turned into a garbled mess as he covered her mouth with a hand without thinking, face red with embarrassment. When was the last time he’d gotten this kind of praise, said with such sincerity…?

“I- I’ve got it already, you can stop…!”

Despite looking visibly confused, she hesitantly nodded her head, and he pulled his hand away.

This kid was going to be the death of him, he just knew.

“…Do you- Could you-“ he bit his tongue.  _ For the love of- _ “…Could you tell me what happened after I, uh…”

“Ran off?”

“Yeah.”

She apologetically lowered her gaze.

“I didn’t actually see that much of it… I, uhm, kind of- N-never mind, haha…”

Was she good…?

“Like I said, though, they set it up like they were going to interview about it later. The announcer made a few quips like it was supposed to be some kind of dramatic plot point. That was around the time I stopped watching.”

_ Figures. _

He let out a shaky exhale.

“…Shit, man…”

“…Are you nervous?”

“Yeah.”

“If… you want, I could check it for you right now. I, uhm, have earbuds, so, if you don’t want to hear it-“

Before she could finish the sentence, the door creaked open for the second time, and she flinched away to glance back at the newest intruder.

In the doorway stood Taka, dressed in what Yuzuru was pretty sure was his sleepwear, bunny slippers on his feet, hair an actual bird’s nest.

“Yo,” he stepped inside, letting the door slowly close behind him.

“Ah- Hanamiya-san…?”

He strode across the room wordlessly, crouching down in front of Yuzuru, an item held out in one hand.

“Gift.”

Bubble tea.

His fingers curled around the cup slowly. It was still cold.

“…Thanks, dude.”

“No problem.”

Taka paused to adjust his glasses before he continued.

“BTW… Don’t worry. She didn’t say anything you would’ve punted her for.”

Yuzuru felt his heart quicken.

“For real?”

“Yeah,” Taka gave him a small pat on the shoulder. “Aside from maybe just spewing words in general. You’re good.”

Suddenly, he felt like crying again.  _ Stupid hormones. _

He managed a meek little ‘thank you’ before the door unceremoniously swung open.

_ Goddammit _ , how many people were searching the freaking janitor’s closet? One after another too, like ducklings following their mother. Minamoto hadn’t lured anyone here, had she? He definitely hadn’t seen her take out her phone.

Kazuma’s face lit up when he spotted everyone inside, though his hopeful expression was soon replaced with a much more puzzled one.

“What’re you guys doin’, sittin’ in the dark like that…?”

“Summoning Satan,” Taka replied before anyone else could get a word in.

“And you didn’t invite me?”

“Didn’t want you scaring him off. Is that my shirt?”

Kazuma looked down at the black tee he was wearing. The lack of color should’ve probably been a huge clue.

“Oh… Whoops. Kinda just grabbed whatever before I left.”

“Unbelievable.”

As Taka got to his feet, Minamoto shot up like some kind of a torpedo, and Yuzuru reluctantly followed suit.

Yeah,  _ okay _ , maybe it wasn’t the best idea to stick around in here all day long. They probably would’ve gotten in trouble if any of the faculty were to walk by.

“You good?” Kazuma inquired as he stepped back out. After a tired nod on Yuzuru’s behalf, he hooked an arm around his neck, ruffling his hair. “Glad to hear it.”

“You’re messing up my hair, you fiend.”

“Your hair looks great!”

“So does your mom.”

“She does, actually,” Kazuma grinned, dodging a shove.

“I don’t like where this is going…” Taka remarked. Within the next second, he found himself trapped as the third member of the group hug.

He only looked mildly offended.

And then Kazuma proceeded to grab onto Minamoto and pull her in as well, causing the rest of everyone else to almost end up on the floor. She yelped in surprise.

“Dude, what are you doing, taking passerbies hostage?” Taka grumpily scoffed.

“Hey, why not! She just looked kinda lonely on her own there.”

“You’re projecting.”

Minamoto squeaked.

“…It’s actually passersby-“

Yuzuru stuck his tongue out.

“ _ Yeah _ , Taka, it’s passersby. Get it right.”

“Oh, fuck off, twerp.“

Yuzuru was already feeling much lighter than before.

As soon as Kazuma released them all from their impromptu prison, he shoved his hands in his pockets, his usual characteristic bounce back in his step.

“By the way, Minamoto!”

“Yes!?” she snapped to attention, arms quickly slamming to her sides, as if her name had been called during roll call.

Kazuma was, of course, unperturbed.

“Been wonderin’ if you wanted to hang with us sometime.”

“…Hang, as in-“

“Like, just go out somewhere. Y’know. For fun.”

Taka must’ve at least been told about this, as he didn’t immediately object, outraged by the suggestion. He simply stood by, looking tired as ever, having resigned himself to his fate already.

_ Dramatic bastard. You’d end up enjoying yourself anyway. _

In the end, Minamoto gave a timid nod, averting her gaze.

“That would be nice, yes…”

“Perfect,” Kazuma patted her on the back, to which she reacted with a startled giggle.

Yuzuru swallowed down the urge to scold him. He wasn’t her guardian.

And so, without anyone really proposing anything just yet, they all headed back to the dorm for the time being, with a still half-asleep Taka trailing in the very back.

Yuzuru refrained from asking if he’d remembered to take his meds.

* * *

**pls play OMORI** @rikaplays · June 12   
ngl that was kinda cringe to watch

**eruru** @pannacotta636363 · June 12   
not me screencapping every frame with kotori-chan in it ⊙︿⊙

**Pancake King** @m6f8zy30413 · June 12   
Megathread of today’s clips~  #HPAEG

**JANA** @nekum7zy73 · June 12   
So are we gonna talk about what happened orrrrr

**kiwi’s corner** @kiwidraws · June 12   
when will my husband izumin return from the war  #HPAEG

**Chai** @chaiteatime1203 · June 12   
@ all the people in my replies trying to justify this shit rest assured youve been muted & blocked


	9. Lavender

_ You’ve never liked gym class. Not just because you’re no good at sports, but also because of the locker rooms. People tend to stare. They tend to ask really invasive questions or make uncomfortable comments. The compliments feel backhanded and you can’t really bring yourself to take them seriously. _

_ So you change in the bathroom. _

_ You hate the uniform. It shows too much. It shows people things you don’t want them to see. _

_ You get into a habit of piling on multiple track jackets. You get into an argument with the teacher about it. You don’t budge even when you’re sent to the teacher’s office. If anything, it’s better this way. You won’t have to look like a clumsy idiot in front of everyone else. It’s nice. _

_ This is the third time this week. You’ve brought a small notebook and a pen with you this time around. _

_ Your homeroom teacher only sighs as you begin to compose your newest poem while she’s trying to lecture you. _

* * *

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

Setsuko sheepishly pulled her hand back from the plate of brownies at Yokoyama’s stern warning.

“I was only gonna take  _ one _ …!”

Splayed out on the couch lay Komatsu, hands underneath her head, legs crossed, eyes closed. Setsuko couldn’t even tell if she was still awake. Kageyama, on the other hand, had been cheerfully chattering away just before she entered the common room, only noticing her once Yokoyama had addressed her.

“Yo.”

“That’s not the issue,” Yokoyama frowned. “You’re underage.”

Kageyama looked between them.

“She is?”

“As I found out, yes.”

Setsuko pouted.

“Are you guys seriously getting drunk before noon…?”

“I wish,” Komatsu grumbled. Kageyama snickered.

“Hey, we’re not drinkin’. Her nerves’ve been shot to hell and back,” he gestured over to Yokoyama, “so we’re just kickin’ back for a bit.”

Upon closer inspection, Yokoyama did look a fair bit exhausted. She’d appeared pretty tired every time they’d run into each other so far, so Setsuko hadn’t thought much of it, but, in hindsight, she should’ve figured that wasn’t the norm. Instead of tied into her usual ponytail, her long hair hung over her back and shoulders completely unrestrained, somewhat messy, as though she hadn’t gotten to properly comb it yet today. Her shirt was untucked, unbuttoned to her cleavage, a sports bra visible underneath.

She must not have cared much, because there was no way in hell she wouldn’t have noticed.

“With…?”

“Weed.”

“Oh.”

“You want one?”

“She’s underage; didn’t you hear me?” Yokoyama cut in before she even had a chance to reply. As she raised her head, the dark circles underneath her eyes became even more prominent in the light.  _ Yikes. _

She was probably going to have her hands full for a while, if yesterday was anything to go by.

“So? She’s in college. She’s old enough. 19’s legal where I’m from.”

“Not on my watch.”

“What’s the worst thing that could happen?”

“Oh, please, don’t even say that… You’re practically asking for things to go wrong.”

Setsuko raised her hands before they could continue arguing.

_ It’s fine. _ She wasn’t that interested anyway. Well- No, she definitely was, but not enough for it to be worth the hassle. If Yokoyama wasn’t around, maybe…

“Oh, uhm- I’m okay; it’s really not that big of a deal. I don’t mind.”

Yokoyama sank back down with a relieved sigh.

After a brief moment of thinking, Setsuko figured she may as well join them just to chat for a bit. She took a seat on one of the many pillows laid out on the floor, surrounding the coffee table.

The rain outside didn’t seem like it’d let up anytime soon. Even with the windows closed, it was falling hard enough for it to be audible inside. She was just hoping it wouldn’t turn into a thunderstorm later.

“By the way,” she inquired carefully, “how did the chat with the principal go?”

After filming was done, Yokoyama had apparently been called in for a talk that Setsuko was pretty certain hadn’t just been a quick, friendly chat. She’d gone off on a fairly passionate rant after Chiba had run off. The crew didn’t seem like they cared much from what she could tell, but the school faculty was another issue.

“Not… great.”

“Did you get chewed out…?”

“Sort of. Threats don’t scare me, though.”

“You were threatened!?”

“With expulsion if I didn’t keep my head down, yes. But people make threats like that all the time. I doubt they’d actually dare to do anything, though, considering my title,” she shrugged. “What bothers me more is… I can tell how much trouble this whole thing is going to bring with it.”

She craned her neck to stare up at the ceiling, propping herself up with an arm behind her back.

“If it was just me, that would be one thing. I don’t like having my privacy invaded like that, but seeing my brother is always a pleasant surprise. I am not, however, willing to let it slide if they’ll be pulling these kinds of tactics with everyone else. Besides…” she dropped her head back down, “the whole Game has already seemed sketchy to me from the get-go. I’m willing to bet there’s a lot more dirt to dig up. The entire process, though,” she groaned, “is going to take  _ ages _ . It’s going to be hell. Even if I cannot handle the case directly…”

Setsuko had figured as much. She didn’t seem like the kind of person who’d give up after just a stern talking to.

Truth be told, she was starting to feel a lot more unsettled about the whole thing as well. She definitely wasn’t keen on having one of her secrets be broadcasted on TV, that was for sure…

“What are they going to do about the punishment game…?”

Yokoyama shrugged once more.

“I have no idea. I haven’t been told much. I’m not expecting Chiba-san to show up, though, after that. I’m not even sure if  _ I’d _ be willing… I don’t see much of a point.”

“Yuzuru’s pretty much done, yeah,” Kageyama chimed in. Despite the nature of the topic, his attitude was as lighthearted as always. “Don’t really blame him. Shit was pretty unfair.”

“But you’re still in…?” Setsuko turned over to give him a questioning look. Kageyama tilted his head.

“Well, yeah. Don’t get me wrong, it sucks that y’all got screwed over, but… I don’t got much to hide. Or… be nervous about, I guess. I’ve kinda just been vibin’, y’know?”

“I suppose…”

“Besides, I kinda still want that reward,” he grinned. “Or if not, then at least the boost would be nice.”

“You’re so simpleminded…” Yokoyama remarked dryly, “I’m almost jealous.”

Kageyama only laughed.

Setsuko fell silent.

What was  _ she _ going to do? She hadn’t really given it much thought until now, considering she still had a couple days left to properly think things over. It wasn’t like she couldn’t sympathize with Chiba and Yokoyama, but… unlikely as it seemed, just as Kageyama had said, the reward was ever so tantalizing. And aside from that, deep down, she was afraid of disappointing her father.

Her fingers wandered to the earring she’d gotten from Natsume. She’d slipped it into her pocket this morning. She wondered what kind of advice Takahashi would give her.

Komatsu yawned as she got off the couch.

“You goin’ already?” Kageyama called after her as she headed for the door.

“Morning shift. They rescheduled last minute.”

“Shouldn’t you be sober for that…?” Yokoyama furrowed her brows. Komatsu didn’t even look back.

“Eh.”

The door closed behind her quietly.

* * *

**tamatama (hayama)** Today at 2:16 PM   
Hi are any of you guys free for a bit??

**tutturu (sakurauchi)** Today at 2:16 PM   
dealing w a really annoying client rn sorry  ‧ º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥ ⌓ ˂̣̣̥ ) ‧ º·˚

**tamatama (hayama** **)** Today at 2:16 PM  
Its ok!! dw about it :>

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 2:17 PM   
im in class :(

**taka b miya (hanamiya)** Today at 2:17 PM   
why are u reading the gc

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 2:17 PM   
smh quiet stinky

**minamoto** Today at 2:17 PM   
;w; what do you need help with??

**tamatama (hayama)** Today at 2:17 PM   
I need a practice partner for a bit

**tamatama (hayama)** Today at 2:17 PM   
Oh btw im at the gym

**taka b miya (hanamiya)** Today at 2:17 PM   
ur still allowed to go in there????

**tamatama (hayama)** Today at 2:17 PM   
Yeah when nothing is happening :>

**minamoto** Today at 2:18 PM   
im not really good at sports sorry ;;;;;

**tamatama (hayama)** Today at 2:18 PM   
Oh thats ok!! you dont have to be lmao its nothing difficult

**minamoto** Today at 2:18 PM   
ok ;w;

☆

**Natsume** Today at 2:31 PM   
I apologise for my late reply, but I would be more than okay with assisting Hayama-san if the position is still open.

**taka b miya (hanamiya)** Today at 2:31 PM   
shes gone dude big rip

**Natsume** Today at 2:31 PM   
Oh.

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 2:31 PM   
patpat

* * *

She’d borrowed an umbrella from Kageyama. She wasn’t just going to sprint through the rain and pray to somehow not catch a cold.

She managed to soak her boots by accidentally hopping right into the middle of a giant puddle, but… hey, at least she’d tried.

She hadn’t actually been to the gym ever since the Game had started outside of filming. Pulling the door open, she peeked inside curiously to see that, surprisingly, none of the equipment was around. Perhaps they were keeping it all in the storage in the meantime. Did that mean they had to set it up every single morning…? That sounded like a pain.

There were almost no people around. Hayama  _ did _ ask for help, so she’d figured it probably wasn’t some kind of a club activity. It was still odd to see the gym so deserted, though.

A volleyball net had been set up in the middle, a near empty cart close by. She almost slipped on one of the countless balls scattered around all over the floor as she entered. Hayama hadn’t noticed her yet. She seemed like she was concentrating rather intensely. An exhausted Izumin stood near, setting balls for her one by one to spike over the net. He was visibly drenched in sweat, his white shirt sticking to his skin, his hair held out of his eyes by a hairband. After a couple throws, he’d lean on his knees in an attempt to catch his breath before running around to gather up as many balls as he could manage, dumping them back into the cart to grab later.

Hayama, on the other hand, didn’t seem like she was going to run out of energy anytime soon. Her jumps didn’t seem to get any sloppier, and she’d even encourage Izumin between them by jumping in place for a bit. How long had they been at this…? Izumin couldn’t have been  _ that _ out of shape, surely-

Sat cross-legged on a chair near the main door was Aragaki, deeply engrossed in her phone as usual. Setsuko wondered what she was doing here; she didn’t look like she was here to practice, judging by her outfit. Heels weren’t exactly ideal for sports. She also didn’t seem like she was here to chat, though. If she was just texting or something, couldn’t she have stayed at the dorm…? It wasn’t like there were any problems with the reception, as far as she was aware.

Come to think of it… what  _ was _ she always up to with that phone? Setsuko had never seen her without it outside of filming. Hell, sometimes she’d even be typing away on it at the last second even then. Was she really texting somebody? Who would’ve had that much time to talk?

She crept towards her as quietly and slowly as she could.

Just a peek couldn’t hurt, right…?

Fortunately for her, Aragaki seemed to be pretty focused on her phone. And all the commotion Hayama was making was also probably helping. Tiptoeing over, Setsuko carefully leaned over her shoulder in an attempt to get a good look at her screen.

The only things she could spot were an open website with a cute little cartoonish ghost on the top and a bunch of text before Aragaki let out the softest squeak and narrowly socked her in the head.

Setsuko stumbled backwards, crashing into the wall, followed by a yelp of pain. Aragaki stared at her with an expression completely blank, her cheeks turning the faintest shade of red.

“Are you okay?”

“Y-yes…!” Setsuko managed, voice cracking. Okay, maybe she deserved that.

Cradling her now throbbing shoulder, she lowered the umbrella she’d nearly impaled herself with onto the floor.

“Minamoto-chan?” Hayama turned her head, having finally noticed her. She gave a cheerful wave. “You came!”

“Yeah… Hello.”

“I’m so glad! Izumi-san was getting pretty tired, so I was hoping you could set for me,” she giggled, gesturing over to Izumin now laid out on the floor. “It would be a lot of help!”

“I just have to throw them, right…?”

It didn’t look particularly difficult. Setsuko wasn’t that well-coordinated at the best of times, but this much she could probably manage. Hopefully.

She wiggled out of her boots and socks. She hadn’t brought a change of shoes, but she didn’t think covering the floor in mud was a good idea. Besides, she was just going to stand in place. She would probably be fine.

“Yep! I can help you gather these up first, if you want.”

“Ah, uhm- That would be nice, thank you.”

Hayama beamed as she began collecting the balls, effortlessly tossing them into the cart. Setsuko stepped forward, only to be stopped by Aragaki.

“Here.”

“Eh-?”

She was holding out a pair of sandals. Where she’d fished them out of, Setsuko had no idea. She blinked down at them several times before she uncertainly pointed to herself.

“For me…?”

“You can borrow these while you’re here. I don’t want you slipping and breaking your neck.”

Were they hers? If so, would they even fit…? Setsuko  _ was _ at least half a head taller than her… At the same time, though, she didn’t want to be rude… and she also didn’t want to fall on her face in front of everybody here.

After a brief moment of hesitation, she accepted the shoes and slipped them on carefully.

She was surprised by how well they ended up fitting.

She stammered out a ‘thank you’ as she got to work as well, following Hayama’s lead. Izumin finally got to his feet, not sparing her a single glance. As he passed her by, he remarked with a sour expression:

“Oh, so  _ she _ gets help, but I don’t…”

“Did you ask at any point?” Aragaki raised a brow before Setsuko even had the chance to react. Hayama looked over mid-bend.

“Huh? Izumi-san, did you want me to help you out too?” she tilted her head. “You could’ve said so!”

Izumin made some kind of a strangled noise as he plopped down onto the nearest chair, burying his face in his hands.

A smirk briefly flickered across Aragaki’s face before she returned to her phone.

* * *

Even with Hayama’s help, Setsuko was completely laid out within the next 30 minutes. She was amazed Hayama was lasting this long. With a stitch in her side, her lower back aching from how much she’d been bending down, she held a tired arm up weakly to request a break. As she stepped forward, she managed to trip over her own feet and landed right in Hayama’s arms.

“Whoa- Are you alright?”

She gave a dazed nod.

“Ah… uh, maybe that’s enough for now,” Hayama helped her back to her feet, flashing an awkward smile. “Thanks for the help! You did great.”

The room seemed to be swaying ever so slightly. Mind somewhat foggy, Setsuko almost asked on instinct if there was an earthquake going on or something right before she was tossed a bottle of water from Aragaki. Without a word, she chugged its entire contents in one go, then proceeded to choke. Hayama watched her with mild concern until she was done coughing.

“Geez, are you good…? You should really be more careful, Minamoto-chan.”

Setsuko managed a weak whine.

Izumin was still around… surprisingly. He had earbuds in, and appeared to be watching something on his phone. As soon as he noticed they were finally done, he slipped his earbuds back out, shoving them into his pocket for the time being as he hopped to his feet.

“Can we go now?”

“Oh… Already?” Hayama blinked.

“You promised,” he actually  _ smiled _ , tilting his head. “Not that it’s a big deal or anything, just… you know.”

“I know, but I figured since we have Minamoto-chan here now we could hang out for a bit.”

As Izumin’s eyes settled on her, Setsuko stiffened. At the very least, he didn’t seem quite as grouchy as before. That was progress, right…?

What little hope she had was immediately dashed as he clicked his tongue, averting his gaze.

Hayama looked between them with curiosity.

“Did something happen between you two…?”

“I have no idea-“

“Nope.”

_ Huh. _

“What the hell?” Setsuko found herself asking, crossing her arms. If there was one thing she couldn’t stand beyond anything else, it was passive aggressiveness. Even if it was coming from Izumin, she wasn’t going to just let it go. “Then why have you been so rude to me until now? I thought I did something wrong, but you’re telling me it’s nothing?”

Izumin seemed taken aback by her outburst. He was staring at her so intensely, she was finding it increasingly difficult to maintain eye contact. Even so, she held on.

“…I… hm,” he pursed his lips, swiftly shoving his hands in his pockets. “You know what? Maybe it was just your imagination.”

_ Oh, no. _ She could maybe buy that from somebody like Hanamiya, but she wasn’t going to accept that kind of excuse this time. Izumin’s harsh words from before were still fresh in her mind.

“Yeah, that’s definitely not true.”

“Maybe you just have a persecution complex,” Izumin narrowed his eyes, “because I can’t really recall much. Just because a celeb doesn’t bow to your every demand doesn’t mean they have it out for you, love.”

Where did that even come from…? She frowned, suddenly doubting herself for a moment. She… wasn’t just overreacting this time, right? She could be a little too sensitive at times, yes, but… she  _ had _ been bothering Izumin the last time they had talked…

Her heart rate was picking up bit by bit. Confrontation still wasn’t her strong point.

She flinched as Hayama stepped in between them with her hands raised.

“Now, now, let’s all calm down, okay?”

Her request worked like a charm; Izumin immediately deflated. While Setsuko was still trying to properly assess the situation, Hayama turned to face Izumin. Even though she was towering over him, she somehow didn’t appear threatening in the slightest, her voice still just as gentle and kind as always.

“Izumi-san, you shouldn’t be going around saying things like that.”

It was almost scary how fast his attitude seemed to have shifted from irritation to quiet acceptance. It was so sudden, in fact, that Setsuko had to question if he was just putting up a front in an attempt to save face.

“…Y-yes, you’re right.”

“I’m sure Minamoto-chan had a valid reason for being upset with you.”

“…Maybe-“

“So you should apologise. Be nice.”

Izumin turned to her, keeping his eyes on the floor.

“…Sorry.”

“It’s… okay…?” Setsuko replied, unsure of how else she was supposed to react. She had no idea what to make of this just yet. She supposed if he was going to be more courteous from now on, she shouldn’t have had much to worry about, though she couldn’t shake the feeling that something just felt  _ off _ . “Uh, as long as you understand…”

“Cool.”

“Yeah…”

_ Oh, god… _

Hayama clapped her hands together, once again shattering the weird, somewhat heavy mood that had settled over them.

“That aside… Minamoto-chan, would you like to come with us?”

“With… you?”

“We’re gonna go hang out at the arcade for a bit! If you’d like, you could-“

“Oh, uhm,” Setsuko quickly shook her head. Tempting as the offer was, she wasn’t quite feeling up to it. Izumin aside, she just wasn’t feeling all that great physically… Besides that, her spending money was also getting dangerously low, what with all the going out she’d been doing lately. It would be best to be a bit more frugal for a while just to make sure she’d have enough to eat. “It’s okay, I actually have some stuff to do already…”

“Oh.”

“Y-yeah… Thank you for the offer, though.”

“That’s okay,” Hayama smiled, giving her a pat on the shoulder. “Maybe some other time, then.”

Setsuko nodded.

As Hayama walked off to change, Izumin was already leaving out into the rain, umbrella and all. She supposed she should be getting going as well. As she reached for her own, though, Aragaki addressed her out of nowhere.

“Good job.”

“Huh-?”

“Talking back to Izumin, I mean,” she tilted her head. “He had it coming.”

“Oh…”

“You have to put him in his place if he’s giving you trouble. Otherwise he’ll just keep doing it. He’s a real weasel like that.”

Setsuko glanced at the door as her fingers curled around the umbrella’s handle.

“I thought you guys were friends…?”

Aragaki’s response was immediate and stone cold.

“We’re not. I just know what makes him tick.”

_ Well then… _

“…Thanks for the advice, I guess.”

She wasn’t sure if she was going to be able to keep utilizing it, but she could at least appreciate the sentiment. And perhaps the indication that she wasn’t just going crazy and Izumin really had been out of line.

As she stepped towards the door, having changed back into her still damp boots, Aragaki called out to her.

“One last thing.”

“Yes-?”

“Tsutsui-san wants to talk to you. She’s been spamming the group chat about it.”

“Tsutsui-san does…? About what?”

“Pass.”

She supposed she’d just have to ask her herself.

She thanked Aragaki with a small bow before she finally headed out. As she passed by Izumin, she mumbled a quiet farewell that he didn’t return.

Perhaps she’d just have to accept that his stage persona didn’t resemble his general demeanor at all.

It did kind of hurt. She’d have been lying if she hadn’t been able to admit that much. She wasn’t exactly a movie buff, but Izumin was one of the few actors she’d genuinely gotten invested in over the years. He’d always seemed so nice and approachable, and though she’d been familiar with some of the rumors floating around about him, she’d always just brushed them off as baseless gossip. Izumin wouldn’t be like that. Izumin would never say those things.

She wondered if he’d been forced to sign up for the Game because of his agency or something. He certainly hadn’t seemed like he was enjoying himself whenever the cameras were off. Maybe he didn’t even want to be here. Why was he even attending college? Someone of his caliber must’ve been drowning in job opportunities, surely… It couldn’t have been for the social aspect, right? Otherwise…

She shook her head. Why was she getting so hung up on everything…? At the end of the day, she just didn’t know him, not  _ really _ . So… it wasn’t her business. No matter how much it was bothering her, she’d just have to get over these feelings.

There were plenty of kindhearted people here. There was no reason for her to be obsessing over him in particular so much.

She hardened her resolve as she quickened her steps.

* * *

**minamoto** Today at 3:31 PM   
can i ask you something real quick

**tamatama (hayama)** Today at 3:33 PM   
Sure!! whats up? :>

**minamoto** Today at 3:42 PM   
nvm srry ;w;

**tamatama (hayama)** Today at 3:43 PM   
:,,,D????

**minamoto** Today at 3:43 PM   
it wasn’t important or anything

**tamatama (hayama)** Today at 3:43 PM   
Looool if youre sure

**tamatama (hayama)** Today at 3:43 PM   
Btw thanks again for helping out!! ill buy you drinks sometime in exchange

**minamoto** Today at 3:43 PM   
im underage ;w;

**tamatama (hayama)** Today at 3:43 PM   
Omg lol

**tamatama (hayama)** Today at 3:43 PM   
Dinner???

**minamoto** Today at 3:44 PM   
if its no trouble ;;;;;

**tamatama (hayama)** Today at 3:44 PM   
Lol dw about it

**minamoto** Today at 3:51 PM   
btw are you and izumin dating  _ (deleted) _

**tamatama (hayama)** Today at 3:51 PM   
Omfg

**minamoto** Today at 3:51 PM   
DONT ANSWER THAT LSKDLS ITS NOTHING

**tamatama (hayama)** Today at 3:51 PM   
Im a lesbian

**minamoto** Today at 3:51 PM   
o

**minamoto** Today at 3:51 PM   
im

**minamoto** Today at 3:51 PM   
;w; sorry

**tamatama (hayama)** Today at 3:51 PM   
Haha its ok dw you didn’t offend me or anything :>

**minamoto** Today at 3:51 PM   
sdlkslkdsl okay

**tamatama (hayama)** Today at 3:52 PM   
Anyways ill treat you to smth sometime

**tamatama (hayama)** Today at 3:52 PM   
G2g babysit now but ttyl!!

**minamoto** Today at 3:51 PM   
slsdshjkkds bye!!

* * *

As Setsuko found out, Tsutsui was staying at her own apartment instead of the dorms. As she also found out, she had her own chauffeur to drive her anywhere and everywhere. Rich parents working overseas, she’d been told.

Her apartment was so huge, it may as well have been a penthouse. Chandeliers hanging off the ceiling, the walls covered in paintings, statues big and small lined up on shelves or placed in corners… some of them of naked women… It was nothing like her own home. Hell, it was far beyond the dorms, even, especially in regards to space, considering the two bedrooms. She even had her own maid, apparently, though they weren’t around today.

Words couldn’t describe how jealous Setsuko felt. If Tsutsui hadn’t been so overwhelmingly sweet and kind, she probably wouldn’t have felt so bad about it either.

“Don’t mind the mess,” she chirped, guiding her further inside, closing the main door behind her. Mess? What mess? The place was immaculate; she would’ve been surprised to find a single speck of dust around.

She was ushered to one of the leather sofas and told to make herself at home. The gigantic flat screen hanging off the wall – playing some drama with the volume lowered – was kind of distracting, but she couldn’t bring herself to mention it. So she simply plopped down, hands in her lap, fingers drumming on her knees, legs closed.

“Wait here for a bit- I have to get someone.”

She gave a stiff nod. She did mention ahead of time that she had another guest. A relative, maybe…? Either way, it must’ve been someone she trusted, considering they’d been left alone in here for at least a few hours while she’d been in class.

As Tsutsui walked off, she resigned herself to just patiently waiting in place for approximately 10 seconds before she hopped to her feet with restless energy.

Surely, it’d be fine if she walked around a bit.

Just a little.

She gave one of the lady statues a small poke on the chest. She stifled a quick snicker before she composed herself.  _ Come on. _

There weren’t many photographs around from what she could tell. She spotted a couple that must’ve been of Tsutsui as a child, dressed in frilly outfits. They were probably taken professionally, judging by the lighting and the empty white void background. A single photo of her parents in a wedding dress and a suit respectively hung above the electric fireplace, but that was about it.

Creeping into what she had assumed to be her parents’ room, she found it to be almost completely void of any decorations. The queen size bed didn’t even have any sheets pulled over it, the mattress completely bare. Maybe it was a guest room that she just wasn’t using.

Setsuko stepped back out, turning her head to continue exploring.

Tsutsui was probably in her room with her other guest still. She was kind of curious what kind of a person it could’ve been.

Before she knew it, she was quietly shuffling over to the half-open door. Hand on the wall, she peeked inside as silently as possible.

Tsutsui was signing again. Who to, it was a bit hard to see, but she could tell it was some kind of an argument from what she’d caught. Well, at least that explained why she’d been taking so long to get back. She… probably didn’t want her listening in either, if she was going out of her way to be quiet about it.

She stepped back away from the door.

In the next moment, she slipped over the carpet and landed all splayed out on the floor on her back, the shoulder she’d hit earlier now aching twice as hard. Thankfully she hadn’t broken or knocked down anything from what she could tell, though her vision had turned startlingly blurry. As things swam into view once again bit by bit, she could make out Tsutsui and one more person crouching over her.

“Minamoto-chan!? You didn’t hit your head, right?”

“N-no…”

She was having one of  _ those _ days, huh…

Once she felt steady enough to sit up, she let herself be pulled back up and guided to the sofa once more.

“Ah, geez… I’ll go get you some water. Please be more careful.”

As Tsutsui rushed off, she finally got a good look at the second person in the room. He definitely looked older, though she couldn’t quite pin down his age. His long, black hair had the faintest streaks of gray, and though while his face seemed somewhat weathered and tired, his sharp features were on the younger side. The old-fashioned kimono he wore wasn’t exactly helping either, nor the stern frown he was staring down at her with that reminded her of her own father whenever he was about to scold her for something.

Suddenly recognition flashed in her eyes.

“You’re the librarian!”

“The-“ his voice died momentarily before he shook his head, “the  _ what _ ?”

A muffled giggle came from the kitchen.

“Are… you not?” she felt herself grow uncertain. She could’ve sworn she recognised him from there, though… He was even dressed the exact same way.

His shoulders sunk.

“I… guess I just didn’t make much of an impression,” he sighed, letting his hands drop. He straightened his back, bowing his head politely. “I’m Nakajima Tooru, the Ultimate Illustrator. We haven’t exactly gotten to talk yet, I don’t think. It’s a pleasure to meet you properly this time around, Minamoto-san.”

As soon as he said his name and title, it clicked.  _ He’d _ been the nervous student she’d seen around Tsutsui all those times.

He looked…  _ so _ different, though. Each time she’d run into him during filming before, he’d been wearing his hair tied up, and he hadn’t looked quite so exhausted and worn down, like whenever she’d come across him at the library. Could the makeup have really changed that much…?

“Oh… I thought you were school faculty. You seem old enough anyway,” she blurted out, to which his face immediately turned a faint shade of red.

“I’m not  _ that _ old, I’ll have you know. Why does everyone keep saying that…?”

“It’s probably your boomer energy,” Tsutsui remarked as she arrived back with a glass of water and a tray full of cute, colorful bite-sized desserts. She set them all down on the coffee table.

“I still don’t understand what you mean by that.”

“That’s okay. You don’t need to.”

Nakajima grumbled at Tsutsui’s mischievous laugh.

“Would you like some tea as well, Minamoto-chan?”

“Oh, uhm- Sure…? Just nothing bitter, please.”

“Can do! I’ll go make some-“

“Oh no,” Nakajima placed a hand on her shoulder, “I’ll take care of the kettle.”

“I’ll be more careful this time…! It was an accident-“

“I know. But I… don’t know how to turn off the smoke alarm, so…”

“Oh, geez…”

Nakajima left behind a mildly disgruntled Tsutsui, who, after she was done complaining, took a seat herself. She gestured at the snacks, as though telling her to go right ahead. Setsuko only hesitated for a moment. She’d forgotten to eat lunch, and she hadn’t noticed how much she’d been starving until she’d actually been offered a bite.

“So, uhm,” she glanced around, only somewhat nervous, macaron in hand, “you said you had something important to talk about…?”

Tsutsui clasped her hands together.

“Oh, do I! Absolutely,” she scooted closer, staring deeply into her eyes. Her gaze was so intense, Setsuko’s own flickered away. “You may or may not be aware, but I’m making everyone’s costumes this year. So I’m going to need your measurements, if you don’t mind!”

“Huh-?”

“I  _ really _ don’t want this to be last minute- You’re the only one whose costume I still haven’t started on… Worst case scenario, I’d still have to rush it a little for next Monday… so I’m asking right now! Oh, I’m going to need details about your performance too so I can make sure to come up with something suitable for it-“

“Wait- Oh, you’re talking about the Game,” Setsuko blinked, head starting to spin a little. She hadn’t thought that far ahead. Sure, she still had her original plans, but she hadn’t even made up her mind about participating yet. This was probably the worst timing to be asked these kinds of questions. “I, uhm… You’re not dropping out or anything?”

Tsutsui tilted her head.

“Why would I?”

“Well, uhm, I just mean… after what happened on Monday…”

“What happened on Monday?” she echoed, seemingly completely clueless. Setsuko found herself briefly taken aback, unsure of how to take this. She wasn’t just playing dumb, was she…? And even if she hadn’t watched it, surely someone would’ve had to have told her something… The group chat had been pretty flooded on the day of.

Luckily for her, Nakajima came to the rescue. Returning with 3 cups of tea, he shook his head like a disapproving parent.

“Please forgive her, Minamoto-san. She wouldn’t understand.”

“So rude!” Tsutsui crossed her arms. “Tooru-chan, you’re so cruel sometimes…”

“I’m just stating the truth,” he frowned. After setting everything down, he took a seat, folding his hands in his lap. It was sort of amusing how out of place his appearance was in this kind of setting, and yet how well his mannerisms fit right in.

Either way, it seemed like at least he got it, so Setsuko turned to him instead.

“What about you, Nakajima-san?”

“For the time being, I’m trusting Yokoyama-san to take care of everything,” he sighed. “I am… in need, you could say, of this kind of opportunity, so I’m not exactly willing to let it slip from my fingers just yet. Though I suppose I may have to change my mind if the situation doesn’t improve…”

“Geez, you’re making it sound like it’s torture…” Tsutsui remarked, to which he chuckled dryly.

“You could say that.”

“I’ll never understand you guys… But, if you want out of it so bad, you know I already said I’d be happy to help.”

“You can’t just throw money at all your problems, Rena-nee.”

“That’s not what I-“

“Besides,” Nakajima interrupted, giving her a gentle pat on the head, “I can’t just keep relying on you for everything. Let me keep some of my pride and dignity, please.”

Tsutsui seemed like she was going to continue arguing, but whether it was Setsuko’s presence or something else, she seemed to have changed her mind in the last minute. Her shoulders sank back down. Her gaze settled on Setsuko once more; she stiffened at the sudden attention, though she tried not to turn away this time.

“Minamoto-chan, are you thinking of quitting?”

_ There it is. _ She reached for her scarf without thinking as her heart picked up a little. Would it be okay to tell the truth…? That she just genuinely wasn’t sure? Nakajima seemed like he would understand, if nothing else. She was still worried about being pressured either way, though. She wasn’t sure if she’d have enough willpower to make a decision of her own without being bullied into it.

She didn’t want to just lie either, though. That would practically mean she’d have to make her mind up right now on the spot, lest she risk losing their respect as soon as she was found out. And what would she do then? Especially since Tsutsui had sounded so enthusiastic about costume design. If she backed out at the last minute without telling her, that would practically be a betrayal of her trust, wouldn’t it…? She would probably be so disappointed…

Setsuko flinched as her hands were taken into Tsutsui’s own, enveloped by a sudden, unexpected warmth. Her hands were so tiny and delicate.

“Minamoto-chan,” she addressed her in a tone surprisingly firm, “it’s okay. You don’t have to be so anxious over it. Even if you’ve changed your mind and you want to quit now, it’s not like anyone will be upset with you because of it. It’s happened before, you know! It’s not like you’d be the first.”

Had she really been that obvious…?

Despite the mask she always wore covering half her face, Tsutsui’s eyes were oddly comforting. It reminded her of all those times Takahashi had encouraged her, or the way Chiba would patiently keep offering his help over and over even when she’d reject it in a panic. Or the way Hayama had looked at her when she’d thanked her for helping out earlier.

Was… Was this what it was like to have friends? Wait- Was it even right of her to call Tsutsui a friend? They had hardly talked so far, it wasn’t like they had that kind of a relationship… She  _ had _ been really nice though…

Setsuko found herself feeling awfully flustered. She cleared her throat.

“Aahh… You’re not some kind of a mind-reading alien, right?”

“Ehehe… Who knows.”

The panicked thought that she could’ve stumbled across her secret stash of poems flashed through her mind quickly, but it disappeared just as fast after she realised how ridiculous that sounded. She exhaled shakily, letting some of the tension from before fade from her body.

“Well… thank you. For being so understanding, that is- Although, uhm… I haven’t exactly made up my mind yet. I’m kind of struggling with figuring some things out at the moment.”

Tsutsui’s hands around hers was starting to feel increasingly embarrassing. Was this really okay…? Holding hands with somebody so casually? It wasn’t like when she held hands with Takahashi; they were  _ friends _ , and he wasn’t into girls anyway, so there were no implications for her to worry about. Tsutsui was  _ pretty _ , though,  _ so _ pretty, like Izumin or Chiba, or-

Tsutsui giggled.

“You’re so cute when you’re flustered.”

“Oh, geez-“ Setsuko swiftly yanked her hands back to cover her face instead.

If only Nakajima weren’t around, she might’ve actually had the courage to say something.

“Rena-nee, you’re giving her such a hard time…”

“I am not! Shush!”

Nakajima sighed before he directly addressed Setsuko himself.

“In any case, like Rena-nee said, don’t be afraid to make the decision that’s right for you. It’s important to keep your own limits in mind.”

Yeah…  _ Yeah. _ They were probably right. She wasn’t obligated to stick through this until the end for anybody else. It wasn’t like she still couldn’t hang out with everyone else even if she quit; the dorms would be theirs until the end of the school year. So… perhaps she was being unreasonable with herself, trying to push herself too hard. She was already here at school, attending classes as much as she could handle, completing all her assignments on time… Shouldn’t that have been enough?

She felt her resolve harden.

“Oh, but if you’d still like the costume regardless for personal use, I’d love to make it for you! It’s being paid for by the school, so you’d be getting it for free. A free costume for you, designed by the Ultimate Seamstress… Doesn’t that sound like a steal?”

Tsutsui was very clearly desperate for her to agree. Well… she supposed it didn’t sound like a bad deal. She could always use more clothes, honestly. Might as well get whatever she could out of this while it lasted, right…?

“…Okay, I guess that’s fine. I… won’t have to get naked, right-?”

Tsutsui giggled.

“Of course not.”

“Oh, thank god…”

Nakajima was left behind as she was ushered off into Tsutsui’s room without any further ado.

* * *

**dad supreme (Keiji)** Today at 3:42 PM   
Can we talk

**Yokoyama** Today at 3:42 PM   
What’s wrong?

**Yokoyama** Today at 3:43 PM   
If it’s about what you mentioned this morning, I stand by what I said. You’re free to do as you please.

**dad supreme (Keiji)** Today at 3:43 PM   
Smh

**Yokoyama** Today at 3:43 PM   
You need to make up your own mind. I can’t just hold your hand with everything.

**dad supreme (Keiji)** Today at 3:43 PM   
Ik

**dad supreme (Keiji)** Today at 3:43 PM   
Idk i dont rlly know what i wanna do tho

**dad supreme (Keiji)** Today at 3:45 PM   
I mean like i dont wanna look like a dumbass like itd just feel weird to back out after showing off like that and tbh more cash would be p nice so i could chill w shifts for a bit but also lmao idk if anythings gonna come out of it and i dont wanna be pouring energy into smth that i feel like would just be going to waste

**Yokoyama** Today at 3:45 PM   
I understand, but I don’t really know how I could help.

**dad supreme (Keiji)** Today at 3:45 PM   
Id like your advice

**Yokoyama** Today at 3:45 PM   
I appreciate your faith in my abilities, but I can’t exactly see into your head. What I would choose to do in your shoes might be right for me but it might not be suitable for you.

**dad supreme (Keiji)** Today at 3:45 PM   
Whatre you gonna do

**Yokoyama** Today at 3:45 PM   
I think I’m done.

**Yokoyama** Today at 3:46 PM   
I took some time to think things over and I don’t think it would be worth it to keep going.

**Yokoyama** Today at 3:46 PM   
Like I said, though, that’s just how I feel.

**dad supreme (Keiji)** Today at 3:46 PM   
Hm

**dad supreme (Keiji)** Today at 3:46 PM   
Well i think u did good tho

**dad supreme (Keiji)** Today at 3:46 PM   
Probs coulda toned down the poetic waxing a bit with ur intro but aside from that

**Yokoyama** Today at 3:46 PM   
You think so??

**dad supreme (Keiji)** Today at 3:46 PM   
Just a bit

**dad supreme (Keiji)** Today at 3:46 PM   
I mean I got the gist i know thats just how you talk

**dad supreme (Keiji)** Today at 3:46 PM   
Idk if everyone else did tho

**Yokoyama** Today at 3:46 PM   
I’m just not very good at this. ><

**dad supreme (Keiji)** Today at 3:46 PM   
Ok tbh now that i think abt it idk if they wouldve even allowed u to be more straight considering you already got your ass beat for this

**dad supreme (Keiji)** Today at 3:46 PM   
Lmao well w/e its too late now anyway

**Yokoyama** Today at 3:47 PM   
Yes, you’re right. Thank you for the advice anyway.

**Yokoyama** Today at 3:47 PM   
By the way, don’t you have class?

**dad supreme (Keiji)** Today at 3:47 PM   
Im there dw

**dad supreme (Keiji)** Today at 3:47 PM   
Gracing everyone with my outrageously sexy presence

**Yokoyama** Today at 3:47 PM   
We can talk more afterwards, but I suggest you actually pay attention in the meantime.

**dad supreme (Keiji)** Today at 3:47 PM   
Or what lol gonna spank me

**Yokoyama** Today at 3:47 PM   
I just might.

**dad supreme (Keiji)** Today at 3:47 PM   
Hot

**dad supreme (Keiji)** Today at 3:47 PM   
But ty tho

**dad supreme (Keiji)** Today at 3:47 PM   
Ik ur probs right

**dad supreme (Keiji)** Today at 3:47 PM   
Even tho i dont like it

**dad supreme (Keiji)** Today at 3:47 PM   
Stop being smart smh

**Yokoyama** Today at 3:47 PM   
No.

**dad supreme (Keiji)** Today at 3:47 PM   
Rude

**Yokoyama** Today at 3:48 PM   
Yes.

**Yokoyama** Today at 3:48 PM   
I’m tired of being nice. I’m evil now.

**dad supreme (Keiji)** Today at 3:48 PM   
Smh fine

**dad supreme (Keiji)** Today at 3:48 PM   
Ill call you when im done

**Yokoyama** Today at 3:48 PM   
Good boy.

**dad supreme (Keiji)** Today at 3:48 PM   
Cya mom

**Yokoyama** Today at 3:48 PM   
Mom??

**Yokoyama** Today at 3:51 PM   
What

**Yokoyama** Today at 3:58 PM   
I will be expecting an explanation.

* * *

Tsutsui’s room was cute. But it wasn’t just regular cute. It was the kind of stereotypically girly and soft pink kind of cute that Setsuko didn’t even know could exist outside of commercials. Frilly fabrics and stuffed animals everywhere, fairy lights hanging above the plush bed, a carpet so soft that it felt like standing on a cloud…

She did have to admit that the pillows with slightly awkward and off-kilter English embroidered onto them were kind of funny, though.

“Before we begin,” Tsutsui stopped in the center of the room, discreetly sweeping some sketches she’d left lying around out of sight, “I’ll need to know what kind of performance you have planned.”

_ Uh oh. _

“Is that really necessary…?”

“Well, you said you haven’t decided, right?” she tilted her head. “I don’t want it to end up not matching in case you decide to go for it anyway.”

That was a fair point, but still… She was kind of nervous telling someone about it. Even if it was someone like Tsutsui – or maybe  _ especially _ if it was someone like Tsutsui. She wanted to say something that would impress her, that would make her think that she was really cool and smart, and not just a nervous wreck trying to somehow get by.

Although maybe by now there wasn’t much she could do to help that impression.

And so, resigning herself to her fate, she took a deep breath. Stepping closer, she mumbled the words as quietly as possible. Not that there was anyone aside from Nakajima who could’ve overheard it. Tsutsui tapped her chin thoughtfully before she nodded a couple times, then reached for the measuring tape lying around.

“Okay, we can work with that. You don’t mind taking off your sweaters, right?”

She hesitated again.

Of course she wouldn’t be able to measure her with so many layers on. She’d known that. It wasn’t a shock. At the same time, though, picturing it in her head hadn’t exactly prepared her for the real thing. This kind of situation was different from being seen sleeping in her room; she was going to be stared at and  _ touched _ and quite possibly judged.

Her eyes slid to Tsutsui’s large chest, then her wide hips and soft thighs. Compared to that, her own washboard body was laughable. No curves whatsoever, stick thin arms and legs… ribs visible enough that you could easily count them… Even if she wasn’t going to strip her clothes completely, Tsutsui would still be able to tell, she was sure.

She must have sensed that something was wrong, as she lowered the tape back down.

“Are you okay?”

Setsuko nodded without thinking. Of course she was. Why wouldn’t she be? She was just being anxious over something silly again; nothing out of the ordinary here…

Her hands gripped the hem of her sweater, but she couldn’t bring herself to move any further. The worry of what Tsutsui might think was proving to be stronger, to her dismay.

“You know, you really don’t have to force yourself if it’s that uncomfortable… I could just show you how to do it and then leave the room while you measure yourself for me.”

Even though she must’ve just been trying to be nice, Setsuko couldn’t help but feel patronized by the sentiment. She felt her face heat up with shame. She was 19, for god’s sake, why was she still so shy when it came to these sorts of things? She felt so stupid, so-

Tsutsui’s hands gently gripped her shoulders.

“Minamoto-chan, calm down. It’s okay.”

Her voice was as soft and soothing as ever. Like a refreshingly cool river on a hot, summer day, her kind and yet firm tone was unexpectedly grounding. Like no matter what, everything was going to be okay as long as she was here. Like she wasn’t going to let her be hurt. Like she was going to make sure that she would feel comfortable and safe. Setsuko felt herself relax ever so slightly.

“…I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay! Do you want me to leave?”

She slowly shook her head.

As nice and accommodating Tsutsui had been, and as much as she knew that it would probably be okay to agree to that, she wasn’t sure if that was what she wanted. Was she really okay with just leaving things be…? With staying as she was, letting her irrational fears control her every move? Is that why she came to this school?

Wasn’t this the perfect opportunity to test the waters and finally take another small step forward…?

Her palms were slick with sweat.

“Say, Tsutsui-san…”

“Mmm?”

“You… promise not to make fun of me, right?”

“Of course. I promise.”

The way she agreed without any hesitation did help put her a bit more at ease.

So, after a few more seconds of wrestling herself, she gave it another go. She reached for her clothes and began taking them off one by one, doing her best to keep her calm, swallowing back the excuses that were threatening to come pouring out.  _ It’s fine, _ she told herself.  _ It’s going to be fine. Tsutsui-san is a good person, she wouldn’t say anything mean. _

Before she knew it, she was down to just a shirt and her long skirt. Even though she wasn’t exactly showing all that much skin, she still felt strangely exposed.

Despite that, the judgemental look and scornful remarks she expected never came.

Tsutsui held up the measuring tape.

“Can I?”

_ Ah- _

“Y-yeah, go ahead. It’s fine.”

She stiffened up as Tsutsui wound the tape around her.

Even though she was still feeling so tense, though, it wasn’t nearly as uncomfortable as she’d expected it to be. Thank god. She couldn’t really tell what Tsutsui was thinking, but she wasn’t acting any differently from before, which she at least took as a good sign.

Maybe she just didn’t care. Was that possible…? She’d never met anyone who hadn’t remarked on her figure whenever she’d chosen to dress more lightly… or nobody aside from Takahashi anyway. But Takahashi wasn’t interested in girls in the first place, so he was different. And so were her roommates. Nobody would think to look all that closely in the morning. That didn’t count. Otherwise…

Tsutsui was finished a lot faster than she thought she should be. She noted down each number on a sticky note that she stuck to her sketchbook once she was done. Then she clapped her hands together twice, and handed her sweaters back over to her.

“We’re done. You did great! You can put these back on if you want now.”

_ Ah… Already? _

For a moment, she just stood around with an armful of fabric, unsure of how she was supposed to feel.

“…Tsutsui-san…”

“Yes?”

“Do you think you’ll be able to, uhm… come up with an outfit that would make me look… good?” she blurted out, her voice getting lower and lower until the last part came out as just a whisper. She felt ashamed asking the question at all.

She let out a squeak as Tsutsui carefully pinched one of her cheeks.

“You’re already cute as a button, so I can’t imagine it’ll be too hard.”

She immediately hid her face. Surely she couldn’t have meant that.

She flinched as Tsutsui laid a hand on her arm.

“You worry too much, Minamoto-chan. Everyone is cute in their own way. My job isn’t to turn someone into a different person, but to help them express themselves and bring out their cutest features. At the end of the day, dressing up is supposed to make  _ you _ happy, not to make other people like you.”

“…That’s easy to say when you’re already pretty, though…”

For a moment, she worried that she might’ve said something wrong when Tsutsui went quiet. Before she could’ve attempted to frantically analyze her own tone, though, Tsutsui tilted her head.

“Well, that’s sweet of you to say. Not everyone else would agree with you, though.”

“Huh-?”

“Because I’m fat.”

She said it so matter of factly, it caught Setsuko completely off-guard. She couldn’t even muster up a response for at least a solid minute.

The thought hadn’t even occurred to her.

Sure, Tsutsui was definitely heavier than the average girl she’d come across, but that didn’t exactly make her unattractive, did it? She’d been hit on before too. She was undeniably, unbearably pretty, far beyond her league… Did her weight really make that much of a difference…?

“But… you have…”

She gestured to her chest, to which Tsutsui erupted into a fit of giggles.

“Oh my gosh,” she managed between laughs, shaking her head, “I’m sorry, it’s just- That was so out of nowhere, I wasn’t expecting it!”

Setsuko’s face only got hotter.

“W-well, excuse me then…!”

“Having a flat chest isn’t anything to be ashamed of, you know! There’re lots of girls out there who-”

“ _ Aaahhh _ , shush…!” she pulled her scarf over her head, the embarrassment becoming too much to bear. “The topic is cancelled…! I’m shutting it down! We are not going to have a conversation about my boobs!”

Despite everything, though, Tsutsui’s lighthearted attitude was… oddly refreshing. Maybe because it helped reassure her that she’d been worrying over nothing, or maybe because she managed to keep the atmosphere relatively light in the process.

It only now occurred to her once again that Nakajima was still around somewhere in the apartment. Hopefully he hadn’t heard any of that. She wasn’t sure if she’d be able to recover from that.

Once she was done giggling, Tsutsui carefully lifted her scarf and began to slowly untangle it from her head, with the upbeat patience of a mother tending to a child who had just thrown a fit. Setsuko was certainly feeling like a kid. She made no moves to stop her, though, and allowed her to properly wrap the scarf around her neck.

“But seriously, though… You’re fine the way you are, Minamoto-chan. Don’t worry so much about these kinds of things, okay?”

Tsutsui gave her cheek a small pat before she rolled her measuring tape back up and walked off to put it back presumably where it belonged, leaving behind an extremely flustered and embarrassed Setsuko, intensely fidgeting with her scarf.

* * *

“You’ll be leaving soon, right?”

“Oh- Nakajima-san. Yes, in a bit…”

“Rena-nee wasn’t too pushy or anything, right?”

“No, not at all…! She was… actually really nice.”

“Ah… good. I just wanted to make sure. Sometimes when she gets excited she can be a little overbearing.”

“No, no, she was fine! She was lovely!”

“Okay, I believe you-“

…

“By the way, uhm-“

“Yes?”

“Are you two related, or…?”

“Oh…? No, we’re just friends. I used to tutor her when she was younger.”

“I… see.”

“She just likes to be called Rena-nee.”

“I think I vaguely remember that… maybe.”

…

“Nakajima-san, say… why did you sign up for the Game?”

…

“Or is that private…? I’m sorry.”

“Oh, no, it’s okay. I just wasn’t expecting you to ask that out of nowhere.”

“H-haha, yeah… It’s just that you didn’t sound particularly comfortable with it, so…”

…

“It’s mostly just money troubles. It’s not especially interesting.”

“Ah…”

“Why do you ask?”

“I was just, uhm… curious. I’m just… still pretty unsure about everything, so I thought… asking for other people’s opinions might help.”

“Well… if you’re asking for mine, you’re a bit too young.”

“I’m 19…!”

“Yes, and I don’t feel like it’s appropriate for you to be involved in these things, especially if you aren’t doing it for your own enjoyment.”

…

“You wanted to know what I thought. All I’m saying is that I think there are better options for you out there.”

“…Maybe.”

“At the end of the day, though, it’s your choice. I can’t exactly tell you what to do. I’m just telling you to be careful is all.”

…

“You’re kind of like a dad, Nakajima-san.”

“E-excuse me-? I’m really not  _ that _ old, I’ll have you know…! I’m only 26…”

“So old…!”

“It’s really not!”

_ Creaaaak… _

“What are you two bickering about?”

“Tsutsui-san-“

“Nothing! I was just giving Minamoto-san some words of advice.”

“Mhm… Would you like a ride back as well? You have class tomorrow, don’t you?”

“It’s fine, I can walk. I didn’t bring much.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I’ll just pack up real quick and I’ll be on my way.”

“Don’t forget your papers.”

“I know, I know… You two go on, now. It’s almost rush hour.”

* * *

**minamoto** Today at 4:42 PM   
btw i was wondering about something

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 4:42 PM   
nyes

**minamoto** Today at 4:42 PM   
would you

**minamoto** Today at 4:42 PM   
uh

**minamoto** Today at 4:44 PM   
want to go on a date sometime ;w;

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 4:44 PM   
ohhh

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 4:44 PM   
sorry youre not really my type :,)) ty tho

**minamoto** Today at 4:44 PM   
DSHJKDS Okay sorry ;w;

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 4:44 PM   
its ok!!

**minamoto** Today at 4:47 PM   
are you not into girls

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 4:47 PM   
i am!! i already have someone i like tho

**minamoto** Today at 4:47 PM   
OH

**minamoto** Today at 4:47 PM   
ok

**minamoto** Today at 4:47 PM   
sorry for bothering u

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 4:47 PM   
its ok u big baby

**minamoto** Today at 4:47 PM   
>:(

* * *

“Ah, Natsume-san- I finally found you…!”

Setsuko narrowly avoided crashing into him as she skidded to a halt. These hallways were far too slippery. She leaned on her knees to catch her breath. She’d practically sprinted through the entire building looking for him, and even with a couple tips from people, it had taken her quite a while.

Natsume stared at her in presumably curiosity. His snake was with him this time around – curled up around his neck and shoulders like some kind of a sentient scarf –, though Setsuko did her best not to let it bother her too much, even if she still found it somewhat unnerving.

“Minamoto-san… How may I assist you on this fine evening?”

She straightened up as suddenly as she’d bent down. Heart still beating in her chest, she reached into her pocket to take out the earring she’d been given.

Her earlier conversations had helped her see things in a new light. She felt a little more confident, a little more sure of herself. A little more certain of what she wanted to do with herself. She was still kind of worried she’d offend him in some way, but she pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind as she nervously cleared her throat.

“I’m really sorry, but… as much as I appreciate your gift, I don’t think it’s something I feel comfortable accepting right now. I don’t think I’m capable of returning the gesture properly considering, uhm, the way that I am right now. But… if it’s okay with you, I could… l-let you know once I can give you something in return…?”

She scolded herself mentally. Even though she’d rehearsed what she was going to say plenty of times, she’d still faltered at the last few words, having forgotten everything she’d memorized and practiced. She probably couldn’t have made herself sound more awkward if she’d tried.

Even so, if Natsume thought anything of it, he didn’t remark on it.

“I see…” he rubbed his chin. “I didn’t mean to imply that I was in need of a favor.”

“I- Yeah, I know. It’s not your fault or anything. It’s just… how I feel, so…”

“Well,” Natsume smiled, “I suppose that can’t be helped. I thank you for baring yourself to me, and I will respect your decision.”

God, he was still so weird.

Still, she was thankful and relieved he’d agreed so easily. It really seemed like Natsume was a nice person after all. After she handed the earring over, he gingerly slipped it into his own breast pocket.

“By the way, if you would be willing, I am actually free for a little while, and I was wondering if-“

“Oh, sorry,” she quickly bowed; she’d already had more than enough human interaction for the day, thank you very much. “I’m kind of tired… plus, I have some more stuff to take care of, so…”

“Ah. I understand. Do forgive me for holding you up, then.”

“It’s alright-“

“You’re free to text me if you require my services.”

“Yeah.”

“Farewell.”

“Bye…”

She felt like the snake was still staring at her even after she’d turned her back to walk off.

* * *

**minamoto** Today at 6:15 PM   
can we talk i need attention

**webslinger (takahashi)** Today at 7:31 PM   
Sorry i was at work! whats up?? :)

**minamoto** Today at 7:31 PM   
DLKDSL its ok

**minamoto** Today at 7:31 PM   
ur still doing the game right

**webslinger (takahashi)** Today at 7:31 PM   
Yeah probably

**webslinger (takahashi)** Today at 7:31 PM   
At least until i get to perform :) idm after tbh

**minamoto** Today at 7:31 PM   
even w the whole punishment game thing??

**webslinger (takahashi)** Today at 7:31 PM   
Oh i kinda just assumed yokoyama-san is working on that already

**minamoto** Today at 7:31 PM   
u think shes gonna take care of it

**webslinger (takahashi)** Today at 7:31 PM   
She usually does! i dont really get most of what she says tbh but things tend to work out when shes involved so i wouldnt worry too much

**webslinger (takahashi)** Today at 7:31 PM   
Besides ive been telling my mom all about it and shes really excited

**webslinger (takahashi)** Today at 7:31 PM   
So i dont wanna disappoint her

**minamoto** Today at 7:32 PM   
weh thatd be nice

**minamoto** Today at 7:32 PM   
not. the last part. u know what i meant

**webslinger (takahashi)** Today at 7:32 PM   
Yeah!! :D

**webslinger (takahashi)** Today at 7:32 PM   
Did u need something else btw you just made it sound like there was gonna be more to that

**minamoto** Today at 7:32 PM   
slkdsl yeah actually

**minamoto** Today at 7:32 PM   
i kinda need some validation are u good with providing it rn pls

**webslinger (takahashi)** Today at 7:32 PM   
Yeah!! whats up

* * *

“Minamoto!”

_ Oh lord- _ On one hand, she was relieved it was just Chiba who’d called her name. On the other hand, she instinctively frantically scrambled to turn off her screen without dropping her phone, having to will her heart to stop racing so fast.

“You good?” he raised a brow at her flailing. She nodded vigorously.

“Did you need something?”

With Hanamiya and Kageyama off god knows where, it was just them around in the dorm. Without fail, her mind immediately began churning out scenario after scenario, each more embarrassing to think about than the last. As she felt her face heat up, she reluctantly reminded herself that he  _ most definitely _ wasn’t about to ask her out and this really wasn’t the time to be daydreaming like that.

But maybe-

“So,” he placed his hands on his hips, “I’ve been thinking over a lot of stuff. Like, in regards to the whole Game shit.”

_ Ah. Of course. _ She should’ve known.

She did her best to hide her disappointment.

“As much as the whole thing pissed me off… I feel like it’d piss me off more if someone like Izumin won,” he huffed. “You know how votes from eliminated people count for, like, a certain percentage or some shit? Think I’ll stick around just for that. Just to shove it in that bastard’s face.”

She blinked. That certainly wasn’t what she’d expected.

“Are you sure…? Aren’t they still trying to pressure you with, uh, your mom?”

He clicked his tongue.

“Campus security shoved her out, it’s fine. Not like I’m over it, but… whatever else they can throw at me won’t be as bad, I’m sure. Plus Yokoyama’s got them in a headlock right now, they’ll just give her more ammo if they go any harder.”

It sure seemed like everyone had a lot of faith in Yokoyama. Was it really fine to leave it all to her to take care of everything…? She  _ had _ mentioned that it would be rather difficult this morning…

“Anyway, if you’re wondering why I’m telling you right now, I just figured I’d let you know you’ve got my vote if you somehow end up in the final few.”

She stiffened.

“Yeah, about that…”

She squeaked as he gave her a couple very enthusiastic pats on the back.

“Oh, you’ll be fine! I know you’ve been super nervous, but you’ve been doing great, ki- Minamoto. Don’t worry so much! I’ve seen people slip up way more than you. Plus Taka and Kazuma will prolly be onboard too.”

She swallowed. She should probably tell him, right? Tell him that she most likely wasn’t going to be there from now on… She’d made up her mind. She’d spent enough time thinking about it.

“Ah, uhm… Actually…”

She wasn’t just imagining the expectant way he was looking at her, right? She could feel her mouth drying out. He probably meant no harm. Still, unintentional as it most likely was, she couldn’t let herself be peer pressured into changing her mind yet again. It wouldn’t have been right. She’d have just been giving herself more stress for no reason. She knew this.

“A-ahah… Thank you very much, Chiba-san. I… really appreciate it.”

_ Idiot. _

The moment he reached up to ruffle her hair affectionately, she knew she had lost.

Well… she supposed it was a good thing she’d let Tsutsui get started on her costume after all.


	10. Carnation

_ “Oooh, you’re playing one of my games?” _

_ He jumps when you address him. He doesn’t seem to find your giggling all that amusing, but he doesn’t tell you to cut it out either. Nor does he pause the game. Not that he really needs to. _

_ “It’s okay, I guess. I’m not that into dating sims.” _

_ “Me neither. Just thought I’d, like, dip my toes in a bit.” _

_ “Hm.” _

_ He takes a moment to think. _

_ “Anything else you’ve made I could try?” _

_ “I’ve got, like, a short little puzzle game if that’s more your thing. And an RPG. Uhh, a platformer too, and I’m working on a fighting one RN but that one isn’t even in, like, beta. And a ton of little flash games but I dunno if that would interest you.” _

_ “Jesus Christ.” _

_ … _

_ “Have we talked before?” _

_ “Mm, I don’t think so. I’ve seen you in class though. You sleep through, like, most of the lectures.” _

_ “Hey, I need my beauty sleep.” _

_ “You’re, like, Kazumacchi’s BF, right? The anime dude.” _

_ “The anime  _ what _?” _

_ “You voiced, like, the twink in SayoHime, right?” _

_ “…Yeah.” _

_ “What? Is that a sore spot?” _

_ “Nah, it’s fine.” _

_ … _

_ “Link me your games later. I need more stuff to play anyway. I’ll add you on LINE.” _

_ “Hehe, will do!” _

* * *

The night sky was almost completely clear; a stark contrast to the heavy rain of the previous day. Even without the lights, the light of the moon through the open curtains would have probably been more than enough to illuminate the nurse’s office. Fujiwara, in his usual lab coat, sat cross-legged at his desk, muttering to himself pretty intensely.

“Why are you still awake anyway?”

The question came out as more of a garbled mumble, as Taka had been mid-yawn.

Sat atop one of the beds, rhythmically drumming with her feet, Sakurauchi Nao shrugged.

“Coding.”

“In the library?”

“It’s nice! I like the background noise.”

He scoffed at that, though he didn’t rebuke it. Maybe he just didn’t have the energy to. He  _ had _ just woken up after passing out spontaneously, so he might’ve still been feeling groggy. His half-lidded eyes and hunched over posture definitely didn’t indicate otherwise.

She was used to this kind of attitude from him, of course. Pretty much all his friends were, as far as she knew. Most of the time, it was very clearly played up, and no matter how much he’d deny it, she could see through him easily enough.

She’d never minded it. In all honesty, it was kind of funny, especially with how different it felt from his quiet, subdued attitude towards strangers. It was kind of like watching a tiny little animal trying to be threatening. Like a hamster puffing out its cheeks or something.

Although there did seem to be more behind it today. He could be surprisingly hard to read whenever there was something more serious on his mind. He’d never give a straight answer when asked either. Almost like he would’ve preferred to just sulk on his own than be helped.  _ That _ was something she still hadn’t really figured out how she was supposed to handle.

“What were  _ you _ doing in there? Didn’t you, like, promise you’d start going to bed earlier?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” he replied simply. She wasn’t sure if she believed that, but she wasn’t going to argue with him about it. Not now, when he didn’t even look like he’d be able to take in most of what she wanted to say.

Fujiwara caught both their attention as he clicked his pen a couple times.

“You said you’ve been taking your medication regularly?”

Taka’s glasses were practically sliding off his face.

“Yeah.”

“You should have a chat with your primary care physician. Could be developing drug tolerance. When did you first notice any changes?”

“Uh… I don’t know, recently?”

“As in?”

“Like… a couple weeks or so, I think.”

Fujiwara scribbled away on his notepad so fast, you would’ve thought he had an entire queue of patients waiting.

“For the time being, just try to maintain a regular sleep schedule if you can. Avoid heavy meals and dri-“

“Avoid heavy meals and drinking, try to get more exercise, take a nap or two midday if it becomes too much. I know.”

“You’re free to stay here for tonight if you like.”

“Uhh, I’m okay. I’ll just go back to my room.”

Taka finally pushed his glasses back up as he got to his feet.

“Please accompany him to make sure he gets back safely, Sakurauchi-san.”

“Of course.”

Taka allowed her to gently steady him and steer him towards the door.

Once it was just the two of them again in the deserted hallways, she gave it another shot.

“Soooo… anything you wanna, like, get off your chest?”

She peeked at him from the side curiously.  _ Someone  _ had to ask him that eventually. And if not her, then who? As well-meaning as Kazuma was, bless his heart, he was probably one of the least confrontational people she’d ever met. He wouldn’t have lasted a second even with gentle prying. He would’ve ended up feeling bad and immediately apologising. And Chiba was… well, Chiba. He was anything but gentle.

“Nah.”

“You sure?”

“No means no. Are you deaf?”

“You’re so prickly today…” she sighed. The mumbled apology she received in return didn’t help ease her worries. She hadn’t known him for as long as his other friends have, sure, but even she could tell he’d been acting more and more withdrawn lately. Was it just because of his meds…? Or maybe the filming was getting to him. Or maybe both.

Either way, it really did seem like he was going to be stubborn about it. As always. She’d figured.

“Y’know, the whole lone wolf thing was, like, kinda cute at first, but you’re gonna have to, like, communicate your problems if you want people to be able to help you.”

“…Could you cut it out with that?”

“Huh?”

“Memeing my social life. You guys have been really going in with that lately. It’s getting kind of grating, so I’d really appreciate it if you could stop.”

Even though his tone was tinged with annoyance, there was definitely a bit of desperation mixed in there as well. Like he was trying to hide it, but he couldn’t stop some of it from seeping out anyway.

He must’ve been pretty bothered by it for a while now. He didn’t usually make these kinds of serious requests, especially not in regards to friendly banter.

_ Ah… _ She couldn’t help but feel a little guilty for the small bit of annoyance she’d been feeling. With how long this had been going on for, it could be easy to forget at times that he was probably a lot more bothered by it than anyone else. He must’ve had his reasons. She shouldn’t have felt inconvenienced by it.

“…Sorry. I’ll try to, like, tone it down.”

“Thanks.”

At least the thumbs up he gave let her know he couldn’t have been that mad.

She must’ve gotten too cozy. It wasn’t like her to overstep a friend’s boundaries like that, even on accident.

Or maybe he was just feeling especially sensitive.

Or… maybe a bit of both. She supposed things had been pretty hectic for both of them lately.

“You know we’re just, like, worried about you, right?”

Her tone was still light. She could tell he wasn’t trying to make this into a big deal, so she wasn’t going to either.

“Use that energy for something else then. Worry about your grades or something, nerds.”

The way he shoved her must’ve originally been intended to be playful. They almost both ended up on the ground instead. It was kind of hard to walk straight when the guy whose arm was slung around her shoulder was both so heavy and squirmy.

“Takacchi, can you, like, stop worming so much? You’re gonna fall on your ass.”

She expected a snarky remark in return. Instead, he actually listened to her without any complaints. He must’ve been  _ really _ tired.

When they finally arrived at the dormitory, she handed him off to Kazuma. They exchanged finger guns. Hopefully Taka will have recovered by the morning at least a little. If Chiba was around, she could probably at least trust him to keep things under control. Loud as he could be, he was at least responsible when it mattered. Even if she doubted either he or Taka would be competent enough to have a meaningful conversation about it all, he could always be trusted with keeping people  _ physically _ safe.

Her joints popped as she stretched. It was probably best for her to head to bed soon as well. Tempting as it was to finish the last bit of work she had left, she’d have to look over everything anyway, and the last thing she needed was doing a sloppy job just because she was tired, then having to redo it later. She’d had enough of that in her first year or two.

Come to think of it, she’d left her stuff at the library.

For a moment, she considered going back to pick it up in the morning, but she quickly discarded the thought, defeated. She’d left all her programs open, and her laptop didn’t have much battery left. Corrupted files were definitely not something she was willing to put up with.

And so, she got going once again, making a mental note to extort Taka for some drinks later in exchange for tonight.

* * *

She was the second one to be awake.

The others weren’t particularly light sleepers, as far as she could tell. Komatsu could’ve probably slept through the world ending, and Aragaki would always set at least 10 different alarms, all of which you could hear go off one after another over the course of an hour or two as she’d struggle to get out of bed. Despite that, Nao would tiptoe around every morning as she got ready, quiet as a mouse. She’d carefully maneuver around the pile of books by the foot of Aragaki’s bed, and occasionally gather up the clothes Komatsu would leave lying around, unceremoniously tossing them atop the girl’s bed lest she forget to wash them later and run out of clean clothes again.

Each time she’d ask to borrow someone else’s clothes. Half the time she wouldn’t give it back. Momo was probably the only one here who didn’t mind that much.

No matter how early Nao would wake up, Momo would always be gone by then. Sometimes she had practice with the volleyball team, sometimes she just felt like bolting outside first thing in the morning and watching the sun rise during her morning run. She’d never needed to set any alarms, apparently. Aragaki would often express how jealous she was of her for that. Then, when Nao would cheerfully offer to tinker with her alarm and attach a taser to it, she’d refuse without hesitation for some reason.

_ Her loss. _

She took a couple sips of water as she checked the weather on her phone. It wasn’t too bad yet. It was probably going to get way hotter in the second half of the day. Having already changed into her tank top and shorts, she began doing stretches. She would’ve normally joined up with Momo if she had run into her, but just as often she’d have to make do with just a pair of earbuds and her phone.

Today was probably going to be one of those days. She sent out a text anyway just in case.

The morning breeze was refreshingly cool. The grass was still wet with dew and glistened in the light of the sun. Though the streets weren’t exactly empty, there were few enough people around for it to feel relatively serene and peaceful. An image that was sure to shatter as soon as it was time for most to start heading to work or class. She’d never minded that much, but it was also kind of nice to be alone sometimes.

She hoped her mom was doing okay back home. She hadn’t had time to go back in a while, though her brothers would pester her on a pretty regular basis by spamming her with random pictures. She supposed she’d have been told by now if something had gone wrong, considering the panicked and confused call she’d received from her mom mere minutes after the AC had stopped working.

She could still vividly remember having to guide her through the process of fixing it up step by step as one of her little brothers held the phone up for the video chat.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket. She briefly wondered if she’d somehow summoned her mom just by recalling the incident, only to be met with a short reply from Momo instead.

**tamatama** Today at 6:32 AM   
Sorry! i found this group of snails on the sidewalk :< im moving them into the grass rn

She couldn’t hold back a giggle. That sounded just like her.

**tutturu** Today at 6:33 AM   
thats ok (=^･ω･^=) where u @??

* * *

**tutturu** Today at 9:29 AM   
chibacchi is here???

**taka b miya** Today at 9:29 PM   
kind of a long story

**taka b miya** Today at 9:29 PM   
but yeah apparently hes sticking around for now

**taka b miya** Today at 9:29 PM   
said he wanted to stick it to izumin

She looked back up from her phone. Not what she had expected, but she supposed it wasn’t really her business. What interested her more anyway was the fact that Keiji was still around. He’d bragged so much about how he was gonna use his gigabrain to game the system and drop out of the Game ASAP so he could use his time for more valuable things, but he’d still turned up for filming today. Not that she minded. It just made her wonder.

Maneuvering around the crowd skillfully, ducking out of the way of the equipment, she popped up right in front of him.

“What’s up?” she tilted her head up at him.

He slipped the pack of cigarettes he’d fished out of his pocket back inside.

“I thought you weren’t gonna come back. Did you, like, change your mind?”

He shrugged. He didn’t seem all that sure of himself.

“Kinda. Didn’t see the point in ditchin’ just yet.”

“Koyamacchi didn’t, like, put you up to anything, right?”

That had been her first thought. Granted, she wasn’t all that close to Yokoyama, so she wasn’t the most confident when it came to guessing how their relationship functioned. She totally could’ve been off the mark. Either way, though, Keiji was a big boy and could probably take care of himself, but checking wasn’t going to hurt.

“Hiromin? Nah. She ain’t done nothin’. Wish she had, but ya can’t always get what ya want.”

She tilted her head. He didn’t really look like he cared much about being here. If Yokoyama didn’t have a hand in it, then who could’ve? He wasn’t just doing it out of obligation for his parents, was he? She doubted they would’ve cared much. Besides, this wasn’t really something he should’ve been doing just because he felt like he had to.

Well, he probably knew that.

_ Gah, _ she was babying him again. First Taka, now this… What was up with her lately?

“…Anyways, are you, like, going to Makichin’s party?”

“Who?”

“A friend of a friend of a friend-“

“Oh, yeah. That one.”

“Yeah! Most of the others, like, already said yes.”

“Next week?”

“Next Friday.”

“Free drinks?”

“Free drinks,” she grinned.

They instantly shook hands. Drinking buddies ‘til the end.

“Deal. Text me the rest later, will ya?”

“Will do!”

Alright, another person down. She’d been so swamped with work lately, she was itching for a night out with some friends; the free food and drinks were only a bonus. Sure, the recent outing with the girls had been pretty nice, but Yokoyama had always been pretty freaking rigid when it came to hanging out. She was  _ cute _ , sure, and she was pleasant enough, but Nao couldn’t help feeling like she was still on the clock when she was in charge. Which was saying something, considering her job didn’t even have a clock to begin with.

They had exams to worry about in a month’s time too… Might as well enjoy their freedom while they still had any.

* * *

Whatever Chiba’s reason had been behind coming back, he seemed to have gotten lucky. After he’d been pulled aside to be interviewed on his own, the punishment game he received ended up far more along the lines of what one would’ve expected from just a harmless and fun game show.  _ The world’s spiciest ramen? No problem. _ She would’ve devoured the entire bowl with ease. Chiba got off incredibly easy, all things considered. Whether this had been due to Yokoyama’s intervention or some other reason, they probably weren’t going to find out.

Today’s game for the rest of them was a relatively simple quiz with a twist. They would be sorted into pairs, and compete for the right answers within a time limit. If you or your teammate got even a single answer wrong, the hatch underneath you would open up and you’d land in slime… because  _ of course _ . You wouldn’t be sorted straight into the next punishment group, but you wouldn’t be able to answer any more questions afterwards. Whichever 2 pairs ended up with the least amount of points would lose.

Thankfully she’d known better than to wear anything that she would’ve missed even if it got ruined today. Rena was visibly the least happy about this, aggressively signing away next to an anxious Nakajima, hands hidden from the cameras’ view. Then again, Nao doubted Rena even owned any outfits she would’ve been willing to just throw away.

When it was finally time to pair up, she didn’t find herself in much of a hurry. Instead, she waited around with her hands in her pockets, head cocked to the side, patiently waiting for everyone to settle down a bit first. It wasn’t like she especially disliked anyone here. Izumin would’ve probably been the most difficult out of everyone, and he was already receiving an offer from a bowing Natsurin. So, really, she was covered.

Her eyes settled on the clearly frozen stiff Minamoto. The baby, as she’d dubbed her in her head. Come to think of it, she could vaguely recall her being left alone like this the last time as well.

_ Geez,  _ did none of her friends have any decency? Anyone should’ve been able to see how out of her element she was; there was no way she would’ve had the courage to approach anyone on her own, so leaving her to her own devices was just straight up mean. Even if she didn’t have much of a presence, somebody still should’ve noticed something… right?

A hand tapped Nao on her shoulder.

“Wanna pair up?” Momo offered with a smile when she turned around.

Any other time, Nao would’ve happily accepted. As things were, though…

“Actually,” she gestured vaguely in Minamoto’s direction, “I was, like, thinking of lending her a hand. If you get me.”

“Oh,” Momo looked between the two of them, realisation flashing in her eyes. She gave a thumbs up. “Yeah, that’s cool. Rena-nee already has her hands full with Nakajima-san, I think, so… I’ll see if Yuriko-chan is free.”

“You sure you’re not just, like, looking for someone to carry you?”

Momo’s face turned a shade of soft pink.  _ Bingo. _

“Shh…! I’m not, I promise! Go talk to Minamoto-chan before someone else snatches her up, now.”

Unlikely as that was, Nao allowed Momo to steer her towards Minamoto with a laugh.

It wasn’t like  _ she _ wasn’t hoping for the same thing. Anything with physics, robotics, English or pop culture, she’d have in the bag, but beyond that… Despite all the late night cramming sessions, pretty much nothing what she’d learned in high school had remained. And who could really blame her…? History?  _ Boo, boring. _ Classic lit? She’d struggle to keep her eyes open after the first chapter or so. Kanji? The hell did they still need to know kanji for in this day and age beyond the basics?

Minamoto, though, judging by her title, would hopefully help fill in those holes. And if not… well, at least the poor girl wouldn’t have to remain an abandoned little puppy on the sidelines for much longer.

Minamoto jumped when she called out her name. She stood straight like a startled meerkat, eyes darting all over the place. She lifted a hesitant hand, pointing to herself in visible confusion.

“You wanna, like, partner up?”

Minamoto looked genuinely so lost, Nao had to summon up all her willpower not to burst out laughing. She doubted she would’ve taken that all too well. In the end, she seemed to have managed to gather up at least some of her composure, as she finally nodded.

“Great! You’re, like, good at Japanese, right?”

“Oh, uhm- Not just Japanese, but… yeah, I’m pretty good with language trivia. I’m probably decent enough at history too, I think…”

“Perfect. I’ll trust you to, like, cover my ass.”

Minamoto let out a squeak that was hopefully meant to be an agreement.

* * *

As expected, Minamoto turned out to be plenty book smart. Impossible as it had seemed, after a while she looked like she was beginning to relax. Might’ve had something to do with how confidently she was able to rattle off the answers. It was nice to see, even if her movements were still pretty jerky, and her hands still trembled slightly every time she lowered them back down.

That is, until she leaned on her button by accident. Covering her face tightly with both hands, she may have been praying for the ground to swallow her up… which it did, together with Nao.

Ah, well… She’d had worse.

She did her best to comfort her despite the quite literally sticky situation they’d ended up in, nonchalantly waving to anyone else who also found themselves dropped down.

The way Rena pumped both her fists into the air when she ended up narrowly surviving sure was something to see.

So was Izumin’s temper tantrum as soon as the cameras were off. Despite Natsurin’s encouragements, he stormed off like an angry little Chihuahua. Natsurin was left behind clearly confused – almost a bit sad –, but he probably should have known it was no use to try to get on Izumin’s good side. ‘ _ Don’t mind’ _ , Chiba had patted him on the back.

Momo seemed like she definitely had some things to say, but, when asked, she only shook her head. She was probably going to have some words with Izumin later. Nao really had no business meddling in that regard, but she did have to wonder why she hadn’t given up yet, considering Izumin hadn’t really shown any sign of change over the years.

Maybe she’d have just felt bad leaving him on his own. That sounded like her.

“Uhm, Sakurauchi-san…”

Minamoto stood with her hands clasped together, gaze flickering all over the place. At least she seemed like she was doing better than before. She didn’t seem to be on the verge of tears anymore anyway.

“Thank you for offering to pair up with me. And, uhm… I’m sorry for letting you down.”

_Oh…_ _That’s what this is about._

Nao promptly shrugged.

“Eh, it’s fine. It’s not, like, a big deal or anything. This kinda thing was totally gonna happen eventually.”

Before Minamoto could reply, she leaned on her shoulder on instinct. She was seriously tall for being the youngest person around here… Despite how awkward the gesture turned out, Nao didn’t budge.

“Anyways, I’m, like, way more worried about you. You sure you’re gonna be fine? Not like anyone here’s gonna be able to, like, carry you on Monday.”

Minamoto visibly paled. She did feel a bit bad voicing things in this way, but, at the same time, she did very much doubt that it was something someone like Minamoto would be able to handle. If she was already freaking out so much in a group, who’s to say she wouldn’t end up much worse on her own? Hadn’t she also fainted last week…?

She wasn’t like Taka. As much as Taka liked to complain and whine, he rarely bit off more than he could chew, and he was already plenty used to this sort of thing. Minamoto, though, she doubted had ever performed before. Or at least not in front of this kind of audience. As her senior, she couldn’t help but feel at least a little responsible.

Minamoto carefully wiggled out of her hold.

“I- Yeah, I know that… I think I’ll manage, though. Maybe.”

“You don’t sound super sure of yourself.”

“Y-yeah, well…” she reached to fiddle with her scarf, flinching away with a comically startled expression when she realised it was still sticky. “I just wanna give it a shot. Is that so bad…?”

“No, but-“

“I’ll be fine!” she shook her head. “I appreciate the concern, but you all can stop telling me to quit, thank you very much.”

She was starting to sound pretty defensive.

Well, she  _ was _ an adult, Nao supposed. It wasn’t like there was much she could do to stop her. The last thing she wanted was to end up pissing her off; god knows she’d had more than enough experience with that when it came to bugging Taka.

…Come to think of it, why hadn’t Taka said anything? They were rooming together, weren’t they? Chiba and Kageyama aside, at least he had to have understood, right…? It couldn’t be that he just didn’t care… even for him, that felt far too mean.

“…Alright, I gotcha. But you can, like, totes text me if you need any help, okay?”

“Y-yes, sure…”

“Sorry if it sounded like I was nagging you.”

“Huh-? No, it’s fine- I’m sorry too, for taking that kind of tone…”

“Oh, it’s okay! Not like you were rude or anything.”

Nao shoved her hands in her pockets.

“I guess I’ll, like, leave you to it. I’ve got some stuff to look over anyway.”

Minamoto gave a timid nod.

She probably wanted to be left alone for a bit. At least that’s what her jittery knees were saying. Hopefully she’d find her way back to the dorm easily enough; this freaking school could be like a maze sometimes with its billion narrow, twisting hallways.  _ She _ had definitely gotten lost plenty of times in her first year, then a couple more times after some particularly rough party nights. Though she doubted anything was going to be able to top the time Keiji had smashed a window to get inside after he couldn’t find the main door 5 feet away, blackout drunk. She was amazed he got off with just a warning after he’d paid for the damages.

As Minamoto waddled off, she figured she ought to get going as well. She was kind of hoping to take a shower sometime soon. If she ran back fast enough, she might be able to flag down the bathroom first…

Aragaki sprinted past her so fast, the wind of it almost knocked off her hat.

_ Welp. _

* * *

“Takacchi!”

He turned around with a tired, albeit less cranky expression than the last time they’d properly talked. He couldn’t have been doing that bad if he was already feeling better. He must’ve been able to get at least some sleep too, considering he hadn’t dozed off immediately right after filming was over.

“You wanna, like, go to Makichin’s party next week?”

“One of your friends?”

“A friend of a-“

“Okay, I get it,” he cut her off with a held up hand. With his other, he pinched the bridge of his nose. “You know parties aren’t my thing.”

“Well, yeah, but this one’s gonna be, like, totally different.”

“Different how…?”

“Just, like, a lot more lowkey. No crazy shit or deafening music or anything. Plus Makichin’s house is pretty huge so it won’t be too hard to find a quiet spot if you, like, need a breather. Kazumacchi and Chibacchi are already game too, if that helps.”

Taka seemed to actually take a moment to think about it.

Grumpy as he could be, she knew he couldn’t have actually hated other people’s company that bad. He must’ve gotten lonely from time to time, surely. Even if he wasn’t keen on showing it. Otherwise why would he have bothered to respond to her texts so consistently? And it wasn’t like his agency had made him sign up for the Game, so that had to have meant  _ something _ , right?

They might not have been best friends or anything, but she still cared about his wellbeing. She wasn’t going to just leave him be and let him stew in his little cave while everyone else was out having fun without at least an invitation.

“…I’ll think about it, I guess. I don’t know if I have the mental capacity to decide right now.”

“Oh, that’s fine. You’ve got, like, plenty of time. No one’s gonna care if you barge in even right in the middle.”

“I’d really rather not.”

He paused, slipping his hands into his pockets.

“Thanks, though. I’ll let you know sometime before then.”

He grumbled as she affectionately ruffled his hair. Despite that, he didn’t seem all that bothered. It was probably best to just let him figure out the rest on his own. In the meantime, she supposed she better get ready for Monday.

Or maybe take a nap before. Her baby was practically finished anyway.

* * *

**lil pika (a good boye)** Today at 9:13 PM   
is ur mom still bothering you

**stan ayano** Today at 9:13 PM   
lmao yeah

**stan ayano** Today at 9:13 PM   
idfk why she decided to do it NOW of all times but w/e ig shit cant be helped

**lil pika (a good boye)** Today at 9:13 PM   
youve blocked her though right :/

**stan ayano** Today at 9:13 PM   
yeah

**lil pika (a good boye)** Today at 9:13 PM   
smh

**lil pika (a good boye)** Today at 9:13 PM   
are u good tho

**lil pika (a good boye)** Today at 9:13 PM   
like

**lil pika (a good boye)** Today at 9:13 PM   
emotionally

**stan ayano** Today at 9:13 PM   
aside from being rlly fucking pissed?? yeah im good

**stan ayano** Today at 9:14 PM   
i s2g this will be what finally makes me take you up on your weed offer

**taka b miya (trash man)** Today at 9:14 PM   
“weed offer”

**stan ayano** Today at 9:14 PM   
quiet in the peanut gallery

**lil pika (a good boye)** Today at 9:14 PM   
omg lol

**lil pika (a good boye)** Today at 9:14 PM   
idk if thats a good idea lmao

**stan ayano** Today at 9:14 PM   
ik im just talking shit

**lil pika (a good boye)** Today at 9:14 PM   
IM JUST SAYING

**lil pika (a good boye)** Today at 9:14 PM   
but yee anyway i hope u figure smth out

**taka b miya (trash man)** Today at 9:14 PM   
i mean ull be fine here at least right

**taka b miya (trash man)** Today at 9:14 PM   
its not like theyd just let her walk inside

**taka b miya (trash man)** Today at 9:14 PM   
im p sure

**stan ayano** Today at 9:14 PM   
god i hope so

**lil pika (a good boye)** Today at 9:14 PM   
im sure they wont!!

**stan ayano** Today at 9:15 PM   
im just like

**stan ayano** Today at 9:15 PM   
what do i have to do, move to another planet??

**taka b miya (trash man)** Today at 9:15 PM   
launch her into the sun

**taka b miya (trash man)** Today at 9:15 PM   
lol

**stan ayano** Today at 9:15 PM   
i just might

**lil pika (a good boye)** Today at 9:15 PM   
nyes

**stan ayano** Today at 9:15 PM   
anyway sorry for shooting the mood in the fuckin knee like that

**stan ayano** Today at 9:15 PM   
are u still at the store

**lil pika (a good boye)** Today at 9:15 PM   
yee

**stan ayano** Today at 9:16 PM   
can you grab me a new phone charger mine literally just broke

**stan ayano** Today at 9:16 PM   
ill pay u back later

**lil pika (a good boye)** Today at 9:16 PM   
ye sure

**taka b miya (trash man)** Today at 9:16 PM   
it broke bc he tore it out of anger

**stan ayano** Today at 9:16 PM   
,, LISTEN  _ (edited) _

**taka b miya (trash man)** Today at 9:16 PM   
oh my god i was joking are u serious

**stan ayano** Today at 9:16 PM   
:(

**lil pika (a good boye)** Today at 9:16 PM   
jfdsjhfjsk

**lil pika (a good boye)** Today at 9:16 PM   
dw bro ill pick u up another one

**stan ayano** Today at 9:16 PM   
snif

**stan ayano** Today at 9:16 PM   
ty ur the only motherfucker here that matters

* * *

**OOF** @iscreamforicecream · June 15   
nooo hahaha look at the frame i paused on im dying   
**Eu4BtDOXcAElEF0.jpg**

**eruru** @pannacotta636363 · June 15   
i wish kotori-chan would cover me in slime ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡

**Pancake King** @m6f8zy30413 · June 15   
Megathread of today’s clips~  #HPAEG

**P5S is out!!** @gaooooooooooooo · June 15   
I feel like all the artists are gonna have a field day with this one

**kiwi’s corner** @kiwidraws · June 15   
fanart of izumin!!! pls share ♥♥♥  #HPAEG #izumins

**Chai** @chaiteatime1203 · June 15   
listen. do i think everything is gonna be ok now?? no not rlly but in this hellscape we live in theres only so much entertainment out there and tbh by now i just wanna see if the train explodes or just yeets back onto the rails and continues on like nothing happened


	11. Bluebell

_ You peek out from behind the corner. Your father is arguing with the same man that came around last week and the week before. He’s dressed in a fancy suit, holding onto a silver briefcase. _

_ They are using a lot of big words that you’ve never heard before. You don’t really understand what they’re talking about. You can still tell that your father is desperately trying to convince him of something, though. _

_ After a while, they seem to come to some sort of agreement. As the man leaves, your father slumps down against the wall, digging his fingers through his hair, letting out a heavy sigh. He notices you as you attempt to sneak back into your room. _

_ “Setsuko…? What did I say about eavesdropping?” _

_ You shriek as he picks you up into the air. A moment later, he almost drops you. He curses under his breath as he carefully sets you down then clutches at his lower back. _

_ “God, you’ve been getting tall…” _

_ “I’m the tallest in my class!” you brag, proudly sticking your chest out and placing your hands on your hips. All your other classmates are super jealous. It’s awesome. _

_ “Planning on outgrowing your dad? I’m hurt.” _

_ You throw your arms into the air as you perform your best evil laugh. _

_ A moment later, you notice your father is holding onto a card. He slips it into his pocket. You wonder if the man in the suit gave it to him. _

_ Your arms lower back down. _

_ “Dad…” _

_ “Mmm?” _

_ “What did the scary man want?” _

_ He blinks down at you for a second or two. He then crouches down. You’re not quite at eye level like this anymore with how much you’ve been growing lately. _

_ “We just had to talk about some adult things. It’s nothing you need to worry about.” _

_ “I don’t like him,” you grab onto his shirt, tugging on it like it’ll help convince him somehow. “He doesn’t seem very nice.” _

_ He gives you a gentle pat on the head. _

_ “It’ll be alright, munchkin. Dad’s got everything under control.” _

_ “You promise…?” _

_ “Pinky promise.” _

_ He ruffles your hair. _

_ “Things have been going great at work lately, so don’t worry. The scary man won’t be coming back for a while.” _

_ You’re not sure if you believe that, but you give a tiny nod anyway. _

_ Your father straightens back up. _

_ “Well…” he stretches his back with a groan, “who’s ready for dinner?” _

_ Your hand shoots into the air. _

* * *

“Huh-?”

“I’m not saying this to be mean. I’m just trying to give genuine advice is all.”

If she was going to be honest, Setsuko hadn’t been expecting to run into Fujinomiya today, much less be sought out by her at any point. So when she ended up running into her in the hallway in the early afternoon, she could barely bring herself to stammer out a polite greeting.

Fujinomiya was still just as intimidating as always despite her small, delicate stature. Her folded hands with her almost rigidly straight posture made her appear more akin to a strict professor rather than one of the students. When she’d called Setsuko’s name, for the briefest moment she’d felt herself return to an old high school classroom, having to resist the urge to say ‘present!’.

They hadn’t really gotten to talk properly before at all, so she hadn’t really known what to expect. It probably wasn’t this, though.

“Even so… do you think that’s okay…? Walking up to somebody and just telling them to drop out…”

Fujinomiya narrowed her eyes, and Setsuko was instantly struck with intense fear. Surely she wasn’t going to do anything to her, right…? She wouldn’t dare attack someone on school property… right?

“Well, I’m sorry if it came off that way. Like I said, I have no ill intentions.”

She couldn’t even tell if she was being sarcastic or not, and that ever-present frown wasn’t exactly helping.

She was going to get murdered. She was definitely going to get killed right here and right now with no witnesses and have her body dumped in a ditch somewhere.

Her hands were ice cold with anxiety.

“T-thank you for the advice, but it’s really not necessary… I’ve already thought things through plenty of times.”

That wasn’t exactly true, but it wasn’t like she hadn’t given it  _ any _ thought either. After Thursday, she felt like she could let her guard down a tad more. Chiba’s whole situation had gotten resolved unexpectedly smoothly, so Yokoyama definitely must have done  _ something _ , right? And, unlike before, she hardly even noticed Kobayashi’s presence.  _ She _ definitely wanted to take that as a good sign. And after Chiba’s encouragements had gotten to her so much, how could she just go and change her mind again…? She wouldn’t be able to bring herself to. She’d feel like she’d have failed both him and herself.

So why were all these people all of a sudden acting like they knew what was best for her better than she did? Sakurauchi and Fujinomiya weren’t the only ones who’d voiced these kinds of sentiments over the last couple days, but they had sure as hell been the least subtle about it. Was it something about her…? Did she really seem that pathetic, that she wouldn’t even be able to pull off something like this?

_ Oh, please. _

Fujinomiya sighed.

“I really don’t think you understand the gravity of the situation here-“

“N-no, I think you’re the one who doesn’t understand…! I’ve made up my mind, so please stop badgering me. It’s… honestly making me very uncomfortable, s-so…”

Even though she was trying her best to sound confident, she couldn’t stop her voice from shaking. Why didn’t she just lie and escape…? Sure, she was standing her ground for now, but at what cost?

To her surprise, Fujinomiya actually seemed taken aback for a moment, if only a little. Or it could have just been her eyes playing tricks on her. Actually, she’d definitely seen that wrong, what was she thinking?

She took an unsteady step back. Then another.

“Minamoto-san…?”

Without another word, she turned sharply and ran, narrowly avoiding colliding into a corner in the process. She didn’t even glance back to see if Fujinomiya attempted to follow her at all. All she could focus on was finding an exit –  _ any _ exit – and just get away from her for now before she could gut her or something.

By the time she stopped running, she was completely out of breath, and she had to take a minute or two leaning against the nearest wall to stop herself from collapsing. She vaguely registered some passersby exchanging confused whispers and throwing some puzzled stares her way, though with her body still recovering from her previous panic, she didn’t have much energy left to worry about it.

In an attempt to distract herself, she pulled out her phone to check the time. She still had about an hour or two to kill. She probably would’ve been better off using that to practice for tomorrow, but she’d already done plenty of rehearsing. She deserved a break by now. Maybe.

She soon realised she’d sprinted all the way over to the library. She supposed this would work just fine.

* * *

**vesta** Today at 1:21 PM   
i think i scared your friend (. . )

**webslinger (yuki)** Today at 1:23 PM   
Who??

**vesta** Today at 1:23 PM   
minamoto-san

**webslinger (yuki)** Today at 1:23 PM   
Oh noooo D:

**webslinger (yuki)** Today at 1:23 PM   
What happened?

**vesta** Today at 1:23 PM   
im not really sure, she just ran off all of a sudden?? she was kind of freaking out the entire time though

**vesta** Today at 1:23 PM   
i wasnt trying to hurt her feelings but she must have taken what i said the wrong way

**vesta** Today at 1:23 PM   
i hope shes not too upset

**webslinger (yuki)** Today at 1:29 PM   
:(

**vesta** Today at 1:29 PM   
id like to apologise but i dont know if she will take it the wrong way if i badger her right after tbh (. . )

**webslinger (yuki)** Today at 1:35 PM   
Itll probably be fine!! im sure you didnt say anything that bad  _ (edited) _

**webslinger (yuki)** Today at 1:35 PM   
Besides minamoto-san is really nice

**vesta** Today at 1:35 PM   
well thank you but

**vesta** Today at 1:35 PM   
am i bothering you?? i can text you later if youre busy rn

**webslinger (yuki)** Today at 1:35 PM   
Oh no its ok!! im just with my mom

**vesta** Today at 1:35 PM   
i see

**vesta** Today at 1:35 PM   
sorry, i forgot

**webslinger (yuki)** Today at 1:39 PM   
But yeah dw im sure you cant have made her that upset :)

**vesta** Today at 1:39 PM   
thank you

**vesta** Today at 1:39 PM   
i think i will just wait a bit longer to make sure

**webslinger (yuki)** Today at 1:39 PM   
Yeye valid!!

**vesta** Today at 1:39 PM   
ill leave you be for now

**vesta** Today at 1:39 PM   
oh but if you need anything be sure to let me know

**webslinger (yuki)** Today at 1:42 PM   
:)

* * *

The tall, looming bookshelves were kind of comforting. They helped hide everyone else from view and allowed her the alone time she very much needed right now. With the windows out of sight as well, the bulbs hanging from the ceiling providing most of the light, she almost felt like she’d been plucked out of this world and dropped off in another one. A world where time had no effect anymore, a world where it was just her and her books and the poems she had scribbled onto the sticky notes she’d snatched from the librarian’s desk.

It probably shouldn’t have been such a big deal. It wasn’t like this was the first time this had happened. Even though she was well aware of that, though, she still remained just as dejected.

It wasn’t her father’s fault that he was always so busy with work. She knew that. That didn’t make it hurt any less, though, especially with how last minute he’d sent the text letting her know they wouldn’t have time to meet after all. Something had come up at work, apparently. As always. She’d hoped at least Father’s Day would be an exception, but she really should’ve known better.

Did her father even care about her…? When was the last time they’d properly gotten to sit down and talk? She could barely remember, even when she’d still been living at home. Was she just another nuisance to him, the way she was to everyone else…?

She shook her head. She shouldn’t have been thinking these kinds of things, she told herself. It wasn’t fair. Her father would’ve surely been heartbroken if he’d learned how she really felt.

In the end, the person she should’ve been blaming was-

“Oh, Minamoto… What’s up?”

Chiba stood by with a laptop tucked under his arm, a can of soda in his other hand. He’d pulled his bangs back with a hairband, his big blue eyes even more prominent now. Almost like she could get lost in them…

She really didn’t think she’d appreciate running into anybody here, much less when all she’d wanted was to curl up alone somewhere and sulk for a bit, but she actually felt her mood lighten a tad. Thankfully she hadn’t actually been crying. Not that he hadn’t seen her cry before… but still!

She hurriedly swept her poetry off the table, shoving the notes into her pocket.

“Hi,” she shifted in her seat a bit. Would he mind if she invited him to sit next to her…? “Studying?”

“Just some godforsaken assignment,” he grimaced. “Anyway, what’s up with you? Still stressing out over tomorrow?”

Well, she wasn’t until  _ now _ …

“It’s not that… I just had some plans to go out with someone today, but they cancelled on me last minute, so…”

“Oh.”

He unceremoniously plopped down onto the chair opposite to her, placing his stuff onto the table.

“Couldn’t you just, like, reschedule it?”

She shook her head.

“He’s usually pretty busy, so it’s a miracle we even managed to get something up in the first place, honestly…”

“Aahh…”

He leaned back in his seat, head tilted ever so slightly.

“Well, I guess that can’t be helped, then. Sorry, man.”

“Yeah…”

“ _ Don’t mind _ ,” he gave her a small pat. “I’m sure things will work out sooner or later.”

He really was so nice… even if he had no idea what he was talking about.

“…You know, my hands are kinda full right now, but… if you, like, wanna hang out later or something, I’m game.”

Her heart skipped a beat. He couldn’t have been implying what she thought he was, right…? Right?

She couldn’t really get anything out of his expression. Did people usually ask each other out so casually? She wouldn’t have known. But it couldn’t have been anything out of the ordinary, surely…

“Like… on a date?”

“Huh?”

“I mean… romantically?”

“ _ What? _ No.”

“Oh.”

Her heart sank. She could feel her face turning red from embarrassment.  _ Of course not. _ What had she been thinking? She shouldn’t have even asked. She shouldn’t have brought it up at all. He couldn’t just get back up again now that he’d sat down already, but she also couldn’t go back and undo the awkward atmosphere she’d caused.

So… maybe she just had to get up herself and-

“You know I’m, like… what, 4 years older than you, right?”

Her head snapped back in his direction.

“Y-yeah, so what? That shouldn’t matter…”

“Uhh, it kinda does,” he frowned. “Like, a lot… Or to me it does anyway.”

“I’ll have you know I’m mature enough!”

“I wasn’t saying-“

“What’s everyone’s obsession here with treating me like a kid, huh?” she couldn’t help but raise her voice, if only a little. She quieted down immediately as soon as she remembered where they were. “Like I can’t do anything on my own… I get that I’m not as smart or skilled or-  _ cool _ as the rest of you, but… but…”

She got up from her seat, only for Chiba to quickly scramble to his feet right after. He held up his hands, like he was trying to tame some sort of a wild animal.

“Hey, hey, hey… Let’s just calm down okay? You’re not… really helping your own case here…”

He was right. She couldn’t even argue with that. And so, just as quickly as she’d snapped, she deflated once again, sitting back down.

Chiba let out a deep sigh.

“ _ Jesus… _ You’re really a handful, you know that?”

“Shut up…” she grumbled, crossing her arms.

“Why is that immediately where you first go anyway…? I feel like we’ve been over this…”

“What?”

“Like, assuming that someone’s flirting with you or some shit…”

“…What, you have a problem with-“

“I’m just asking,” he laughed dryly.

Yeah, she probably managed to ruin her chances for good just now. She must’ve looked so ridiculous from his point of view… She couldn’t help it, though. Today has just been awful. It was only natural she’d be upset.

…

Even so, it wasn’t like it had anything to do with him. She was probably out of line, talking to him like that. He didn’t deserve it. And as his junior, she really had no right being so rude…

“…I’m sorry.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” he replied immediately. He took a seat next to her this time around, shuffling over until their chairs were right next to each other. He leaned on his hand, elbow propped up on the table. “If you need someone to lend an ear, Chiba-senpai is right here.”

Her hands found their way around her scarf again.

“…If you’re really not interested in me, why are you always so nice to me?”

“Because we’re friends…?” he said it like it was supposed to be obvious, raising a brow.

“But-“

“But what? Aren’t you also friends with Yuki…? Do you do this kinda dance with him too?”

“That’s not the same thing…!”

“How?”

“Because… Takahashi-san doesn’t like girls, so…”

Chiba opened and closed his mouth a couple times before it seemed like he finally found an adequate response.

“Minamoto… this might alarm you, but I do, in fact, have female friends. Multiple, even! And I’m not dating a single one. Isn’t that crazy?”

“Oh, shut it…!” she shoved him, resisting the urge to get defensive.

“I’m right, though!”

“Well, excuse me, Mr. Popular, but I wouldn’t know! Not all of us have been that lucky, okay?”

His teasing grin actually faded a tad.

After a short pause, he gave her a gentle nudge.

“Why do you wanna go out with someone so bad anyway?”

Okay, that couldn’t have been a serious question. Wasn’t the answer obvious…?

“Because… when you have a significant other, they’re supposed to love you unconditionally,” she began to fidget. It wasn’t like she’d never thought about this before, putting it into words out loud was just a bit…  _ odd _ . “When you’re in a relationship with somebody, you’re supposed to feel like… like… your problems don’t exist, I guess. It’s supposed to be the closest you can feel to a person. Like… this big life-changing event…”

He blinked back at her a couple times. And then some more. She thought the silence would never end, with how long it lasted; she had to avert her eyes after a few seconds, having grown too flustered.

“…Where did you learn that from? Romance novels?”

_ Uh oh. _

“N-no…! I did not!”

Even she was aware how unconvincing she must’ve sounded.

She was expecting Chiba to tease her some more after that. She was bracing herself already. She was well-aware how inexperienced she was with this kind of thing, so it was a given it would probably sound silly to the average person.

Instead of poking fun at her, though, Chiba made a low humming noise for a second or two, then nodded to himself.

“Okay… I guess if someone ought to tell you this, it might as well be me.”

“Huh?”

He suddenly grabbed her by the shoulders. She couldn’t hold back a squeak. What?  _ What? _ She had to remind herself he had  _ just _ told her he wasn’t interested to stop the immediate intrusive thoughts.

“Listen here,” he spoke, voice firm, brows furrowed. “Yeah, dating someone can be nice, but you know what else is  _ really _ fucking cool?”

“What…?”

“Bros! It’s bros!”

“…Like… a friend.“

“Like a  _ best _ friend.”

“…But-“

“No, no, no,  _ listen _ \- There’s literally nothing you can’t do with a significant other that you can’t also do with your best friend! Aside from, like… making out and stuff, I guess,” he faltered for a moment, but he quickly shook his head. “Anyway…! The point I’m making is that just because you’re also sleeping with somebody they aren’t going to magically cure you of all your baggage and shit. I mean, just look at Taka. Bastard may have gotten laid, but he’s still a gamer.”

She couldn’t hold back a snicker.

“Seriously, though… ki-  _ Minamoto _ , if you just, like… want someone to listen to your problems and make you feel better and shit, Yuki is literally right there. And so are Kazuma and I. And Taka, I guess. If you squint.”

His hand slipped from her shoulder.

“Wait,  _ shit _ \- Are you crying…?”

“N-no!” she quickly wiped her eyes with her sleeves. She hadn’t even realised she’d teared up at all. God, this was so embarrassing… Could they really not have a single conversation where he wouldn’t see her cry?

She sniffled.

“…That’s easy for you to say anyway… You don’t get rejected by everyone you ask out…”

Chiba pointed to himself incredulously.

“Does this really seem like the kind of face girls would flock to?”

“You have muscles…!”

“I mean, yeah, but… I also look about 16 tops. If we’re being generous.”

“…Okay, I can’t exactly argue with that.”

“Oh, fuck you.”

“You’re the one who said it first!”

“Dude, you try being in my shoes, constantly getting asked out by teenagers! Never in my entire life have I gotten asked on a date by someone my age! Not  _ once _ !”

She paused.

“…Not even once?”

“You heard me.”

“Wow…”

He rolled his eyes.

“It’s fine, though. I’ve resigned myself to my fate. As nice as it would be to have a girlfriend… it’s whatever, you know? Not like the world is gonna end or anything.”

She thought for a moment.

“…I could be your-“

“No. Were you even listening to anything I was saying?”

“…Yes.”

“Take some time to think on this later,” he booped her carefully with a pen, then snorted at her scandalized expression. “Besides, you’ve still got plenty of time. You have no reason to be in such a rush to find somebody even if it’s that important to you.”

Even though part of her still wanted to argue, to say that he just didn’t  _ get it _ , to give some kind of a sarcastic retort, she couldn’t bring herself to. He was probably just trying to be nice and offer some thoughtful advice. Even if she felt like he didn’t – he  _ couldn’t _ – understand… they would probably just keep arguing in circles by this point, and she wasn’t exactly feeling up to that. Instead, she conceded with a quiet huff for the time being.

Now that silence has settled over them yet again, though, her thoughts couldn’t help but wander to what he’d mentioned. Tomorrow… She’d been doing  _ so well _ until now with avoiding unnecessarily stressing out over it… All of a sudden, she felt her stomach start to tighten bit by bit, with nothing left to distract her from her anxious thoughts.

What if she somehow messed it up…? What if she stumbled over her words or tripped over her own feet? What if she just completely forgot everything she’d memorized? Or what if she actually broke into tears again in front of everyone else this time around with nowhere to hide? What if she ran off like Chiba had?

How could he have even recovered from that kind of humiliation…? If that had been her, she wouldn’t have been able to show her face to anyone for at least a week… And yet, there he was, all confident and upbeat, having spent a good while trying to reassure her. He’d even returned, even though he’d sounded so certain of himself when he said he wouldn’t. He  _ must _ have been bothered, though, right…? Surely…

It was amazing that he was able to take it in such stride despite all that. That was definitely not something she’d ever be able to do, she thought. It must’ve been nice, feeling so secure in yourself.

She shook her head when Chiba asked her if anything else was weighing on her mind. Her gaze settled on the book she’d been reading.

She wasn’t sure how well she’d be able to focus with everything on her mind right now, but she had to at least give it a shot. It sounded like a better alternative than silently stewing and going over the same concerns anyway.

She straightened the dog ear she’d thoughtlessly made earlier, apologising to the book in her head.

* * *

**webslinger (bean)** Today at 6:47 PM   
Hi

**webslinger (bean)** Today at 6:47 PM   
Yuriko-san

**webslinger (bean)** Today at 6:47 PM   
Do you have a second

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 6:47 PM   
hello

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 6:47 PM   
what did you get yourself into this time

**webslinger (bean)** Today at 6:47 PM   
No its not like that!!

**webslinger (bean)** Today at 6:47 PM   
I just need someone to talk to for a bit

**webslinger (bean)** Today at 6:47 PM   
If thats ok with you

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 6:47 PM   
did something happen

**webslinger (bean)** Today at 6:47 PM   
I dont really wanna talk about it sorry

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 6:47 PM   
oh okay

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 6:48 PM   
its ok

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 6:48 PM   
you dont have to apologise every time

**webslinger (bean)** Today at 6:48 PM   
Sorry

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 6:48 PM   
grabs you by your shoulders and shakes you

**webslinger (bean)** Today at 6:48 PM   
Weehh no bulli

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 6:48 PM   
if you want to you could come hang out here for a bit

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 6:48 PM   
sakurauchi-san is tinkering away very loudly with something so that might be kind of annoying but

**webslinger (bean)** Today at 6:48 PM   
No its okay online is fine

**webslinger (bean)** Today at 6:48 PM   
Im at my dads rn anyway so

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 6:48 PM   
oh

**webslinger (bean)** Today at 6:48 PM   
And i dont really feel like talking out loud tbh

**webslinger (bean)** Today at 6:49 PM   
Thanks for the offer tho i appreciate it

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 6:49 PM   
hm

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 6:50 PM   
would you like to see the shrine i visited yesterday

**webslinger (bean)** Today at 6:50 PM   
The one you said they told you was haunted??

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 6:50 PM   
yes

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 6:50 PM   
what do you know they were trying to drum up tourism

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 6:50 PM   
needless to say i was extremely disappointed

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 6:50 PM   
i did get to take some grade a aesthetic pics but still

**webslinger (bean)** Today at 6:50 PM   
Omg

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 6:50 PM   
**20200808_162841.jpg**

**webslinger (bean)** Today at 6:52 PM   
WAH DOGGO

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 6:52 PM   
motherfucker i misclicked

**webslinger (bean)** Today at 6:52 PM   
Tell them i love them

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 6:52 PM   
i wont

**webslinger (bean)** Today at 6:52 PM   
:(

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 6:52 PM   
bops you

* * *

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 10:39 PM   
weeehh i finally finished it at the last minute

**minamoto** Today at 10:42 PM   
wah

**minamoto** Today at 10:42 PM   
can i see

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 10:42 PM   
sobs

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 10:42 PM   
ill take a pic in a sec

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 10:42 PM   
ill also bring it over early morning tomorrow so u can try it on one last time

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 10:42 PM   
if anything has gone wrong i will

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 10:42 PM   
cry

**minamoto** Today at 10:42 PM   
im sure it turned out rlly good!! ;w;

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 10:43 PM   
this wouldnt have been so last minute if u had just let me measure u a week sooner >:(

**minamoto** Today at 10:43 PM   
;;;;;; im sorry

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 10:43 PM   
DSKDSKL IM JOKING ITS OK

**minamoto** Today at 10:43 PM   
OH

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 10:43 PM   
uwu dw ive got this ur gonna love it im sure

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 10:43 PM   
if u oversleep i can and will vore u however

**minamoto** Today at 10:43 PM   
i wont ;w; i promise

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 10:43 PM   
good

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 10:44 PM   
brb i havent eaten in like 7 hours i need a feast b4 i drop dead

**minamoto** Today at 10:44 PM   
oh

**minamoto** Today at 10:44 PM   
i should probably eat something too

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 10:44 PM   
nyes

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 10:44 PM   
go eat or rena-nee will eat u

**minamoto** Today at 10:44 PM   
wah

* * *

_ Dear Dad, _

_ I’ll actually get to perform tomorrow! I’m really nervous but I’m sure everything will go just fine. I know you probably won’t be able to watch it live (besides, by the time this letter arrives it’ll definitely be too late for that), but I thought I’d let you know anyway in case you wanted to watch it online later. Assuming the internet won’t be down, that is. _

_ It’s been a little hectic lately, but I think that’s fairly normal with college. I’m sure I’ll be able to get used to it, in any case. I’m still visiting Takahashi-san next week, so I’m at least excited about that! I haven’t seen his family in ages. I wonder if they still remember me. (Kidding!) _

_ I know you feel really bad about not being able to make it today, but it’s not like it could’ve been helped. Just let me know if you’re free another time, okay? I’ll mail you your gift with this letter, in any case. I know it’s nothing amazing, but I hope you’ll still like it anyway. _

_ Love, _

_ Setsuko _

_ P.S. Apparently it’s going to rain a lot next week, so don’t forget your umbrella! _


	12. Buttercup

_ “Are you sure you’ll be alright…? Aren’t you taking on a bit too much?” _

_ “If my manager says I gotta do it, I gotta do it. It’s just the usual, really.” _

_ “I’m just worried about you. You’re already taking so many classes, and you never bring any friends over…” _

_ “…Do you think I can’t do it?” _

_ “That’s not what I’m saying. You know that. I just want you to be happy.” _

_ “I  _ am _ happy, Mom.” _

_ “…After this you’ll be free for a while, you said?” _

_ “Y-yeah, probably. Besides, if I can just get through it I might be able to take advantage of it. Tryouts will still be open, I’m pretty sure.” _

_ “For the theater company?” _

_ “Yeah! So… yeah, just trust me on this one.” _

_ “…Alright. But take care of yourself, okay?” _

_ “I already am. It’ll be fine.” _

_ “…It would also be nice to be able to visit you sometime. Just to see what your place is like.” _

_ “Oh, don’t worry about that so much. It’s really nice. The, uh, landlord just doesn’t allow visitors, you know how that is, it can’t be helped… so…” _

_ … _

_ “Anyway, before I forget… Here you go. I heard you’ve been saving up for that vacation… I’m not sure if this covers it all, but, uh… yeah.” _

_ “Mamoru… you know you can just keep the money. Don’t you have anything you want?” _

_ “Eeh, I mean… I’ve already got more than I know what to do with. I don’t really know what else I could spend it on.” _

_ “Are you sure you don’t want to come?” _

_ “I doubt Mayumi and Mai would want me there.” _

_ “Don’t say that. Your sisters love you just as much as I do.” _

_ “…Sorry. But I think I’ll be busy enough with work anyway.” _

_ Sigh. _

_ “Well, if you’re sure… Let me know if you change your mind.” _

_ “Y-yeah. I will.” _

* * *

Izumi Mamoru awoke with a start, his heart hammering away in his chest, disoriented and confused. Once he’d realised it had just been the thunder outside that had woken him, he sank back down onto his pillow, a wave of relief washing over him. If it hadn’t been for the muffled sound of rain coming from outside, the apartment would’ve been eerily quiet.

He rolled over to grab his phone, checking the time. Only an hour before his alarm would go off…  _ Eh. _ No way he’d be able to fall back asleep in time by this point. Might as well start getting ready.

He stifled a yawn as he clambered out of bed, the stretched out hoodie he’d fallen asleep in hanging off one of his shoulders. He crouched down next to the bucket he’d placed underneath the leaking AC. Landlord still had yet to fix it after, like, what… 3 months? By this point, maybe he should’ve just been better off calling a repairman himself, complaints or not. He sure as hell had no idea how he was supposed to fix it on his own.

He sighed as he jotted down a note to take care of it sometime this week.

He leaned on the kitchen counter as he waited for his coffee to be done. He almost managed to burn his mouth on the first sip. Just another spoonful of sugar for good measure… He scrolled absentmindedly on his phone, taking his time with finishing the drink. Politics, news, news,  _ that’s obviously a scam _ , news, some scantily clad artwork of a girl from an anime he was vaguely familiar with at best, news…  _ Bleh. _

All of a sudden, a notification popped up.

**tamatama (momo)** Today at 5:58 AM   
Are you sure you dont want to be added back to the gc

**I Am Damaged** Today at 5:58 AM   
It is 5 in the morning

**tamatama (momo)** Today at 5:58 AM   
6!! i saw you online :>

Of course it was Momo. Who else would be awake this early? Certainly not Yuriko.

**I Am Damaged** Today at 5:58 AM   
Im sure

**I Am Damaged** Today at 5:58 AM   
Not like id have anything to talk about in there anyway

**tamatama (momo)** Today at 5:58 AM   
It would be fun!!

**I Am Damaged** Today at 5:58 AM   
For who, you?

**tamatama (momo)** Today at 5:59 AM   
:<

**I Am Damaged** Today at 5:59 AM   
Sorry

**I Am Damaged** Today at 5:59 AM   
Was aiming for a jokey tone

**I Am Damaged** Today at 5:59 AM   
But yeah im not really friends with anyone in there so i just dont see the point

**I Am Damaged** Today at 6:00 AM   
Is karaoke still on today

**tamatama (momo)** Today at 6:00 AM   
Ok fine smh

**tamatama (momo)** Today at 6:00 AM   
Yes! unless yuriko-chan says no

**I Am Damaged** Today at 6:00 AM   
We can still go without her

**I Am Damaged** Today at 6:00 AM   
Not that i dont want her around i mean

**I Am Damaged** Today at 6:00 AM   
That came out wrong

**tamatama (momo)** Today at 6:00 AM   
Yeah i guess

**tamatama (momo)** Today at 6:00 AM   
Dw i got what you meant :>

**tamatama (momo)** Today at 6:00 AM   
Btw good luck for today!! dont die lol

**I Am Damaged** Today at 6:00 AM   
Ill try tyty

**tamatama (momo)** Today at 6:01 AM   
Wanna binge some stuff after?

**tamatama (momo)** Today at 6:01 AM   
Or after after ig??? after karaoke

**I Am Damaged** Today at 6:01 AM   
Yesss

**I Am Damaged** Today at 6:01 AM   
I found a show i think youd really like

**tamatama (momo)** Today at 6:01 AM   
Oh perf

**tamatama (momo)** Today at 6:01 AM   
G2g but well talk more details later!!

**I Am Damaged** Today at 6:02 AM   
Ok

**I Am Damaged** Today at 6:02 AM   
Have fun

He set his phone down on the counter for now.

If only he could just skip out on today… What had they been thinking, signing him up for this right in the middle of his hiatus? As if worrying about exams wouldn’t be enough of a headache on its own already… He couldn’t just back out halfway through  _ now _ either; the PR boost sounded way too good to pass up.

It wasn’t like grumbling about it was going to solve anything. He knew that. Still, though…

He took another look out the window. The rain didn’t seem like it’d be letting up anytime soon, though the thunder did seem like it was slowly dying down, thank god. Walking to school was still going to be a real pain though… He could only hope his umbrella would last with the wind and all. Maybe a taxi-  _ No. _ Wouldn’t be worth the hassle if they figured out who he was.

His heart stopped momentarily when he noticed a folded up sheet of paper sticking out of his mail slot. The panic immediately left his body as soon as he verified it was just a note from his upstairs neighbour apologising for the commotion last night. Had there been a party or something…? He couldn’t really remember. He’d spent a good chunk of the night trying to catch up on lectures he’d missed with headphones on, so he must’ve missed whatever had gone down.

He threw the note away absentmindedly as he went off to the bathroom.

He triple checked that he’d packed everything before he even bothered to get dressed properly. His change of clothes lay securely in his bag, safe from the downpour. Just a shirt with sweatpants would do for now. Rain jacket, baseball cap and glasses on top so he wouldn’t just be recognised and stopped on the street. He’d had to learn it the hard way that unless he was on campus, he just had to remain on guard at all times.

Even on campus sometimes, actually… His mind flashed back to the creepy tall girl who’d followed him around most recently until he’d snapped at her.

Dammit, he just wanted to get on with his day in peace.

Once he finally stepped outside, bag and umbrella in hand, he got to confirm the lightning had stopped. He was just about to climb down the stairs when something suspiciously furry and small nuzzled his ankle. He looked down to see the neighbour’s cat, Cocoa, staring up at him expectantly, as though asking for pats.

_ Cute bastard. _ The little fiend would regularly steal anything he’d forget out on the porch, but he could never stay mad at her. He bent down to scratch her ears.

“Oh, Mamoru-chan!”

The old lady who lived next door was poking her head out. Cocoa immediately ran over, meowing for attention from her owner instead.

Mamoru straightened back up, bowing his head.

“Good morning.”

“Morning! Going out in this weather?”

“Yes. I have work, then some lectures to attend.”

“Always a hard worker, I see… Have you managed to find yourself a girl yet?”

“Not yet, no.”

“Sheesh, at your age you should be married to a beautiful young lady already.”

“Well, my career is taking priority for me at the moment…”

“If you don’t hurry up, all the good ones will be snatched up one by one, you know!”

He flashed a polite smile.

“Thank you for the concern, but I believe I’ll be fine.”

The old lady shook her head.

“With a charming face like that, I suppose so…”

He took a small step back. He really couldn’t afford to stick around here and chat for too long.

“If you’ll excuse me, I’m running a bit late…”

“Oh, yes, don’t let me hold you up, dearie. And thank you again for helping me figure out the television remote last week!”

“It’s okay, it was no trouble.”

“Be careful not to catch a cold!”

“Yes, I know. I’ll be fine.”

He bowed once again as soon as he managed to cram in a goodbye, hurriedly opening his umbrella and rushing down the stairs.

He bit back a curse as he landed right in the middle of a giant puddle deeper than expected, shoes and pants immediately soaked.

_ Oh well. _

He took off towards Hope’s Peak without any further ado, praying to god he wouldn’t get held up by anything else.

* * *

“Izumi-san!”

Momo very narrowly avoided crashing into him as she greeted him in the hallway.  _ This girl… _ Mamoru couldn’t bring himself to scold her, though.

He’d already changed into the clothes Tsutsui had provided for him. He’d expected to find something to be peeved by, but they’d proved to be nothing special in that regard. If anything, they were more comfortable than most of the outfits he’d had to get used to for work. He supposed he ought to thank her later.

“Where are you going in such a hurry?” he raised a brow. Momo grinned.

“Yuriko-chan is helping out with an assignment.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah, but don’t worry, I’ll still be watching when the time comes! I promise.”

He only nodded. He wouldn’t have minded if she skipped out on it. In fact, he would’ve preferred that. But Momo was always so excited about these kinds of things, it was hard to tell her no.

Momo leaned in closer with a mischievous smile.

“You nervous?”

“Why would I be…?” he frowned. “I’m used to this kinda stuff.”

She giggled.

“Guess so. I was just wondering ‘cause you look a bit lightheaded.”

“I do…? I guess I didn’t get that much sleep, so that might be why…”

“You can crash at our room later if you want for a power nap. Y’know, after the show and stuff.”

He hesitated.

“…Yuriko wouldn’t mind?”

“Huh?” she tilted her head. “If it’s just for a bit, I doubt she would care. She’ll be in the library for most of the day anyway.”

“Mhm… I, uh… I’ll think about it, thanks.”

“No prob,” she gave him a light pat on the arm.

He really had to get going now. He was well aware. If anyone was going to mess up the schedule, it wasn’t going to be him.

Despite that, as Momo patiently stared at him, he found it difficult to say goodbye just yet. He was not in the mood for work at all. It would’ve been so nice to just ditch everything and hang out with her… He would’ve  _ loved _ to be able to help with her assignment, even if he wasn’t nearly as smart as Yuriko.

He knew he couldn’t, though. Not just because his manager would’ve absolutely decimated him, but for his own sake. He had to see everything through until the very end. Or else… how would he have been able to face his mom whenever he had to visit next?

His shoulders sunk.

“…Well, I guess I shouldn’t be holding you up here,” he shoved his hands in his pockets. “Good luck with the, uh… school stuff.”

She beamed.

He stared after her even once she’d disappeared behind a corner, the yearning still ever so present, persistently tugging at his heart.

The spot she had patted him on tingled with warmth.

* * *

“Oh, Izumin…”

He stiffened up.  _ Right. _ He’d almost forgotten he wouldn’t just be on his own.

He supposed Sakurauchi wasn’t the worst person to run into. After examining her from head to toe, frowning at the  _ odd _ outfit she was wearing, he greeted her with a polite nod.

“…Is there a particular reason why you’re looking so… furry?”

“Hm?” she blinked, glancing down at herself. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from her hat, no matter how hard he was trying. It was like it was staring at him with its dead eyes, able to see right into his soul. “A catgirl’s not a furry. Shouldn’t you, like, know this?”

“I might’ve just blocked it out from my memory.”

She actually giggled at that.  _ Wow. _

“…Did you apologise to Momocchi yet?”

“Huh-?”

That sure was out of nowhere. He could feel himself starting to sweat, being suddenly put on the spot like that. He cleared his throat.

“I… Yeah, I have. We’re fine now.”

“I was, like, just wondering…”

Now  _ her _ stare was becoming too much. Was she doing it on purpose, trying to unnerve him like that…? She seemed like she had plenty to say, and was just waiting for the opportunity to be able to let it spill.

Wait, what right did  _ she _ have, trying to dig into his and Momo’s relationship? It wasn’t any of her business, was it? So why was he feeling so nervous all of a sudden? He could’ve just told her she didn’t need to know. It would’ve been fine, right? He didn’t have to put up with this kind of questioning… right?

Before he could say anything else, Sakurauchi stepped back, hands in the pockets of her lab coat.

“You should also totes apologise to Natsurin sometime. Assuming you, like, haven’t already.”

Without even taking a single second to think about it, he straightened up defensively.

“To Natsume? For what?”

“For, like, blowing up at him like that? That was super uncool, y’know.”

He averted his gaze.  _ Shit, _ he’d completely forgotten about that. Should he have apologised…? Would Natsume even care? It wasn’t like they were friends, so what did it matter? Why was  _ she _ telling him off for it, what did she even know-?

“Whelp, I’ll go ahead and do, like, some last minute checks on my baby. Good luck out there, I guess.”

He huffed.

“Don’t need any luck. This is my job.”

She snickered.

“Yeah, yeah…”

* * *

_ Just tune it out, _ he told himself.  _ It’ll be over soon. _ Just a little longer, and he’d be free. Not from today’s classes, but… those were probably going to be way more relaxing anyway. Although he would’ve definitely appreciated being given the rest of the day off. 

Perhaps he shouldn’t have been spacing out so much, as he almost managed to miss his cue. It was a good thing he was basically a guest of honor and thus didn’t have to deal with getting chewed out for once. He could get used to that part, at least.

“I wonder what our favourite Izumin has prepared for us today! It won’t contain any hints about the upcoming project you’re participating in, will it? Do tell, do tell!”

The friendliest, most approachable smile he could muster was plastered on his face as the microphone was shoved into it.  _ Hints this, hints that… _ They  _ knew _ he was signed under a contract, there was no way they weren’t aware that he wouldn’t have been allowed to share anything anyway. They were definitely only looking for more opportunities to give their views a boost.

Then again, he supposed that anything else was free game. Even if he promoted the whole theater thing, what was his manager going to do? Get on his case for his plans once the contract was over?  _ Good luck with that. _ Although he also wasn’t too keen on inciting unnecessary drama. Might as well keep some plausible deniability.

“Weeell… There  _ might _ be some truth to that. Who am I to say, really?”

“Oh, you’re such a tease! Won’t you give us just a taste? _ Pretty pwease? _ ”

He resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

At the very least, admittedly, he had been looking forward to the performance part. For once, he’d been given full control over what he could do; it was a rare opportunity that he intended to take full advantage of.

He hadn’t thought he’d get so tired of pop music until he’d had to sing the same songs so many damn times. Chiba was a moron, yearning for something like that.

This was different. He’d actually get to perform whatever he wanted. He could still remember how much time he’d spent just pouring over research material, trying to figure out what song to pick from which show, speeding through clips of his favourite picks at least a dozen or so times before he could finally make up his mind.

At the end of the day, how could he not settle on a Broadway pick? Momo would have agreed. The two of them always seemed to be on the same page in this regard.

As soon as he was allowed on stage, he finally felt himself calm down, as always. This was the one place where he could feel at ease no matter what. Out of anyone else’s reach, away from the control freaks at management, the pushy fans, the obnoxious company representatives trying to shove deals on him he obviously didn’t want. It was truly blissful.

And so, he began to perform.

He’d never been in any kind of musical before. As much as he adored musical theater, it hadn’t been included in the deal he’d signed all those years ago. He could reenact scenes as much as he wanted in the privacy of his own room, but he’d never gotten the satisfaction of getting to awe an audience with it, or perform alongside other professionals. He supposed this was as good of a first step as any.

He’d selected the scene quite carefully. A popular enough play that people would be familiar with, but still something dear to his heart. The one and only play he’d gotten to see with his mom when he had only been a child.

He hoped his mom was watching. She probably was. She’d never missed a single show before. No matter how many times he’d told her it would be fine. Momo definitely was too, after she’d reassured him like that. And, all of a sudden, he was glad he didn’t tell her off for it. So what if this was just a stupid game show he didn’t really care about? That didn’t mean none of it was worth seeing.

As the music kicked in, transitioning from just reciting lines to singing was so incredibly satisfying. Sure, he’d always put his heart and soul into every role he had to play, no matter how minor, for the sake of his career. This time, though, he was sure he was going above and beyond.  _ Of course  _ he was. It was only natural, when it was finally so easy for him to empathize with a role.

His manager ought to thank him. There was no way he would’ve been able to pull something off to this level had he still been confined by the rigid rules they’d set out for him. He couldn’t wait to gloat to Momo as well as soon as he was free to go.

Once it was finally over, the entire gym was completely silent for the next few seconds. Of course they were. They must have been in awe for sure. He had to restrain the smug smirk that was threatening to make its way onto his face any second now, simply taking a bow.

He didn’t leave the stage until the oncoming applause had quieted down fully.

“I guess that was decent. For  _ you _ anyway.”

_ Oh, god. _

His eyes settled on a very much disgruntled Chiba, sitting with his arms crossed in a chair off to the side. He’d been enjoying himself so much, it had slipped his mind that this angry little loudmouth had also been present. What was he still doing staying around anyway? Did he think he was somehow being cool, sticking it to him like this?

_ How laughable. _

“You should’ve taken the cue to drop out, pipsqueak.”

“Right back at you, jackass. You’re literally shorter than me.”

“Wow, what a comeback.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, let me bust out the Shakespearean poetry in a hot sec, Your Majesty.  _ I have done thy mother _ ; is that better?”

“I highly doubt my mother would touch you with a 10 foot pole, thank you very much.”

“Oh yeah? That’s not what she told me in bed last night.”

“Pretty sure that was your own mom tucking you in. You should’ve taken her advice and finished your chocolate milk this morning, maybe then you wouldn’t be so cranky.”

“Do you two never get bored of this sort of verbal sword-play?”

When had Natsume snuck up on them like this…? Mamoru silently thanked the heavens he hadn’t jumped.

“Dude, are you kidding me? This is, like, my favourite way to pass time,” Chiba remarked, clearly sarcastic. Natsume tilted his head.

“I admit it does sound stimulating to take part in… I do not think I have enough confidence in my wit to participate, sadly. I envy the intimate connection you must share.”

“ _ Huh!? _ ” they both turned their heads in sync, equally outraged by the suggestion.

Natsume appeared to be completely clueless.

“Have I perhaps said something to offend you?”

“Like I’d have something like that with this- this…” Chiba stumbled over his words, seemingly trying to grasp for the most insulting word he could find, then giving up for the first thing that must’ve popped into his mind, “pretentious clown!”

“If I’m a clown, you’re the entire circus.”

“Your  _ mom _ ’s the entire circus.”

“Truly fascinating,” Natsume mused as Chiba stuck his tongue out.

He was surrounded by morons, wasn’t he?

* * *

The moment they dragged that  _ thing _ on stage, he should’ve known something was up. Even with a cloth draped over it, its shape was still incredibly suspicious. Sakurauchi answered each question with a cheeky grin that meant she was most definitely up to something, and she bounced over to the stage as soon as she received permission, grabbing onto the cloth and yanking it off swiftly.

Her ‘baby’ as she had called it was revealed: some kind of a doll with very anime-esque facial features, complete with a wig with cat ears attached to it, as well as a maid outfit. Despite how well-made it appeared to be, Mamoru was immediately taken aback by how incredibly uncanny and creepy it was. He wasn’t sure if it was the face, the soulless eyes, or just the suspiciously curvy body proportions, but something about it just looked  _ wrong _ . Leave it to the internet freak to make something so horrifying, huh…

Sakurauchi clapped her hands together twice.

“Maru,” she called out to the doll. Its eyes lit up, and it tilted its head to the side, a high-pitched, yet clearly robotic voice sounding from its speakers.

_ “Yes, Mistress?” _

“It’s cleaning time!”

_ Oh my god. _ As Mamoru watched the doll move around, its movements jittery and distinctly non-human, it dawned on him. She had built a robot maid. A robot  _ catgirl _ maid, as she would’ve probably corrected him.

As stupid as the idea sounded to him, he had to admit she’d been genius to think of it. There was no way the nerds she was pandering to wouldn’t be over the moon as soon as they caught sight of this thing. He hated it, but she’d absolutely struck gold here.

_ Well played. _

“That’s, like, totally not all she can do, though,” Sakurauchi continued, proudly posing as her maid robot circled around, vacuuming the floor. “She has all sorts of other functions. You can even hold, like, conversations with her!”

For a moment, he felt his willpower waver ever so slightly. He shook his head.  _ What the fuck? _ What was he thinking? Like he was going to be spending his money on garbage like this… No way in hell.

“Maru.”

_ “Yes?” _

“How do I look today?”

_ “Stunningly beautiful as always, Mistress.” _

Next to him, Chiba seemed to be staring rather longingly. Mamoru broke into a condescending smirk.

“What? Don’t tell me you actually want one of these.”

“S-shut up, no I don’t! I just think it’s… really cool is all!”

“Getting oddly defensive there.”

“Fuck you!”

“You know what? My bad, you’re right. You should totally get one. Not like a real woman would ever come near you.”

“Like any self-respecting woman would want anything to do with  _ you _ , prick,” Chiba shot back without missing a beat. “You can talk big as much as you want, but you’re as much of a virgin at the end of the day.”

“It’s against my contract, moron. What’s your excuse?”

“Oh, yeah,  _ sure _ , that’s totally the only reason.”

“Fuck off.”

“Who’s the one getting defensive now, huh?”

He could feel his blood pressure rising. He took a deep breath, telling himself to calm down.  _ Not here. _ He couldn’t lose his cool here. Even if he was off camera, the last thing he wanted was to give these people more ‘drama’ or whatever and fuck with his reputation. He could be the bigger person if he wanted to be! He could do it! He’d just let Chiba have this one. Let him feel smug and like he’s won.  _ Who cares? _

“Cat got your tongue?” Chiba laughed, leaning back in his seat and puffing his chest out. “Guess you finally realised the real hierarchy here.”

_ Fucker. _

It took all his willpower not to shove him out of his chair right then and there.

“Lastly,” Sakurauchi winked, “some of you might be, like, wondering…  _ ‘that’s nice, that’s totally nice, but… will she make me more productive?’ _ Why, like, totally! She has a  _ very _ special function that’s abso-heckin’-lutely optional for the more adventurous members of the audience. You see… if you’re, like, working from home, Maru-chin here will scan your computer to see how productive you have been! And if she’s unsatisfied…  _ zap! _ ”

Mamoru and Chiba shuddered in sync before their eyes slowly met. At least this was one thing they could agree about.

God, Sakurauchi could be scary.

* * *

Natsume had always been pretty damn perplexing, even by the standards of all the other weirdos he was surrounded by. He’d at least been nice and pleasant enough, so he wasn’t really difficult to deal with, per se, it was just hard to understand what was going on in his head, no matter how keen he seemed to be about sharing it.

And so, when he stepped onto the stage, in a purple dress, his snake draped over his shoulders, the atmosphere was mostly of curious anticipation.

Admittedly, in hindsight, Mamoru wasn’t sure what else he should’ve expected. It might have been a dance of some kind. He wasn’t entirely certain. It was slow, incredibly so, and yet oddly hypnotizing at the same time, especially with the way his snake moved along. Unlike when Fujinomiya had performed with her birds, though, there wasn’t much of a rhythm to it. It wasn’t yoga, was it…?

He was kind of amazed Natsume hadn’t just straight up fallen over at any point, considering how heavy the snake must have been draped over him. It wasn’t like he was a big guy; if anything, he was pretty small and delicate, especially in comparison to most other people here. He supposed he must’ve just been used to it, carrying that snake around practically everywhere.

“Man, that thing still kinda freaks me out…”

“What’s the matter, Chiba? Are you seriously scared of  _ that _ ?”

“It’s a snake, dude… Who wouldn’t be? Brag all you want but I bet you’d scream like a little girl if you found it crawling around in your bed right as you were about to sleep.”

“Oddly specific.”

“Your  _ mom’s _ -“

Chiba let out a small yelp as Sakurauchi bonked him on the head lightly.

“You guys are, like, so noisy… Quit it with the dick measuring. It’s pretty cringe.”

Chiba grumbled something under his breath, but seemed to have begrudgingly accepted his fate. Mamoru took a step back before he could be next, shoving his hands in his pockets.

What did  _ she _ know?  _ She _ wasn’t the one having to deal with this brat everywhere she went. Then again, she didn’t seem like the kind of person who was capable of putting herself in other people’s shoes. Not that he would’ve ever dared to voice that.

* * *

That tall girl – Mina… Minami…? Something like that – had been so quiet the entire time, Mamoru wouldn’t have been surprised to learn that everyone else had forgotten she was even there. To his relief, she seemed to have cut it out with the intense stares he’d gotten so used to from her each time they’d find themselves in the same space.

He wasn’t going to be willing to give her the benefit of the doubt after everything, but it was at least nice to know she did indeed possess an off switch so he wouldn’t have to be feeling on edge whenever she was nearby.

Then again, it was also possible she was just far too anxious to be thinking about those kinds of things right now. She looked particularly ashen, like the smallest gust of wind would’ve been able to knock her off her feet. If he didn’t know any better, he would’ve assumed she was attempting to strangle herself with her scarf from how tightly she was clutching it. She’d wrapped herself up in it like it was some sort of cocoon, which, coupled with her already poofy, green clothes, made her very much resemble a caterpillar. It sure was something.

As always, he had to wonder what she was still doing here. Anyone would have – and  _ should _ have – been able to tell she was completely out of her element. She looked like she was about to burst into tears any second now.

In fact… as soon as she managed to bumble through the intro, she actually did.

For a moment, everyone else seemed to be stunned. They could only watch as large tears rolled down her cheeks one after another, her shoulders trembling from held back sobs.

They shouldn’t have been surprised. Mamoru sure as hell wasn’t. Nor was he shocked by the way Kobayashi rushed right over, taking the girl’s face in her hands.

“Oh dear… Nerves got to you, huh, Minamoto-chan? There, there; everything will be juuuust fine…”

_ Minamoto. Right. Close enough. _

He rolled his eyes. There was no way any of that was sincere; anyone could’ve seen that from the way the cameras all immediately focused on it. And as much as he’d considered Minamoto an annoyance and a pain, seeing her breakdown exploited like that was still uncomfortable to watch.

But she should’ve known better. She should’ve known something like this was bound to happen eventually. She really only had herself to blame.

Chiba shot out of his seat before anybody could stop him.

For a brief second, Mamoru was sure he was about to tackle Kobayashi or something. The idea sounded quite exhilarating. He could watch from the sidelines as everything devolved into chaos, completely unscathed, and get a couple chuckles out of it. All would be well.

Instead, though, Chiba took Minamoto by the shoulders, to which she squeaked.

“Hey, it’s okay. You’re okay. You’re fine.”

He leaned in closer, lowering his voice. Whatever he was murmuring, Mamoru couldn’t hear it from where he stood. Not that he really cared. It wouldn’t make much of a difference to him, whether or not he’d be able to calm her down in time.  _ He _ wouldn’t have been allowed to leave sooner either way.

In the meantime, he was just doing his best to tune out Kobayashi’s commentary on the side. Obnoxious at best, still pretty gross at most. If he could help it, he wasn’t going to absorb any of it.

Natsume tapped his chin.

“I have to wonder if this is okay… I can’t imagine this kind of atmosphere could be making Minamoto-san feel better at all.”

_ Huh… _ That was oddly perceptive, coming from him of all people. He was probably the last person Mamoru would’ve expected to say something like that. He supposed he should’ve given him a little more credit after all.

Sakurauchi looked like she was very tempted to step in, but she didn’t actually move. If Chiba hadn’t rushed out there like that, she might’ve. Though he doubted it would’ve made much of a difference.

Crossing his legs, he leaned on one of his hands, deciding to occupy himself with figuring out what to have for dinner later until this whole fiasco was over.

It felt like it took forever until Minamoto was composed again.

Chiba didn’t meet his eyes when he returned. In fact, he seemed to be quite tense, as though he wasn’t quite sure if he’d even done a good enough job. Mamoru had to resist the urge to groan. Dumb as he was, even he should’ve known it was an impressive feat to be able to coerce a girl like that into something like this at all.

Mamoru wasn’t going to compliment him, though. He didn’t want to give him the satisfaction.

As such, he only sat by in silence instead, watching Minamoto giving the whole thing another shot,still bored out of his mind until she actually began.

Needless to say, just based on his impression of her so far, rap was pretty much the last thing he would’ve expected her to burst into. He froze up completely, questioning if he was even hearing it right or if he’d grown so tired that he’d started to hallucinate.

Nope. There she was, unsteady as a newborn fawn, rapping a goddamn Victorian poem of all things. And not just that, but doing it genuinely well. Her confident, powerful voice didn’t match her appearance, or even her usual meek and quiet way of speaking at all. It was like someone had gone into her voicebank and swapped it out with someone completely different.

When she switched languages not once, but  _ twice _ at some point, he had to force down the hysterical laughter that had threatened to bubble up.  _ So extra, what a showoff…  _ The whole situation felt so ridiculous, he couldn’t even be mad when Chiba jabbed him in the side sharply with an elbow, accompanied by a threat to keep his mouth shut.

He had to try even harder not to laugh as she stumbled off the stage once she was finished, faceplanting onto the floor.

_ Ahh, sweet justice… _

* * *

_ Fuck. _

“Izumi-san-“

“Don’t fucking touch me!”

Momo recoiled, clearly not knowing what she was supposed to do. Mamoru’s head was spinning. Things weren’t supposed to go this way. He didn’t want to see  _ anybody _ right now, not even Momo. How could she not get that? Then again, she’d always been an idiot at the end of the day. Maybe that was too much to expect out of a moron like her.

Natsume ending up last, he could understand. He didn’t care. It was whatever. Sakurauchi being first was definitely a peeve, but at least he could also make sense of it.

Minamoto, though… In what world did she deserve to get second? In what world did she deserve more votes than  _ him _ ? Chiba’s vote shouldn’t have made a difference. There was no way.

Had it been the tears? It must have been the tears. Pathetic loser, playing into the power fantasy of all the weaklings watching… The thought made his blood boil.

She didn’t deserve that. She shouldn’t have had the right.  _ He _ was the one with years of experience under his belt, with a sizeable fan base, with the ability to keep his fucking calm on stage and not freak out like a damn middle schooler.

He should have been given an award for the polite smile he’d maintained until the very last second even through the punishment game.

No matter who she turned to after filming was done, nobody had any answers for him. He was shooed away by every single person he asked despite how persistently he demanded an explanation. When he’d caught Kobayashi with a cigarette, huddled under the roof outside, she’d breathed a sigh as though  _ he _ was the one bothering  _ her _ . ‘What do you want me to do about it?’ she’d said.

He wanted to scream.

“Izumi-san… Please don’t be like that. I’m just trying to help.”

“By doing what, feeling sorry for me? Sorry isn’t gonna do shit. Keep it.”

“Why do you have to put it like that…? What did  _ I _ do, why are you blowing up at  _ me _ ?”

“Nothing. Leave me alone.”

As he turned to walk away, Momo must’ve gotten a sudden boost of courage, as she grabbed onto his forearm.

“Hey, hey, hey- You’re going to have to communicate it if you have a problem; you get that, right? You can’t just throw a temper tantrum and expect me to be able to read your mind.”

He attempted to yank his arm back, but Momo’s grip was like iron. He was yet again reminded how much taller and stronger she was.

Nevertheless, he hissed back:

“Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot you dense motherfuckers have zero common sense.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Yes I do! Or do you actually think it’s okay to get on my case right now? Do you really think that’s what I wanna hear?”

“That’s not what this is about!”

“You aren’t my fucking mom. I owe you nothing.”

“You’re being  _ such _ an ass right now!”

“You started it! Fucking let go of me, you-“

“No! You know what? No. We’re not doing this right now.”

Despite what she was saying, she actually let go of him, her hands curling into fists by her sides.

“We all know how this is going to end,” she let out a heavy sigh and averted her gaze. “Stop trying to make it seem like I’m bullying you here.”

“I’m not-“

“Yes you are. And I’m done. I don’t have to put up with you when you’re like this.”

She breathed in, then out, as though trying to keep her temper.

“Talk to me again once you’ve calmed down. I can’t- I can’t do this right now.”

“Fine by me,” he snapped back. “Get out of my sight.”

As soon as he caught a glimpse of the look in her eyes, he knew he had made a mistake. Despite that, he couldn’t bring himself to say anything. His emotions were a mess, and the hurt was still fresh. He should’ve apologised immediately, but he didn’t. He simply watched her rush off without another word, disappearing into the distance.

He slammed his fist into the nearest wall.  _ Goddammit. _ Everything was going wrong today, wasn’t it? His anger felt so overwhelmingly intense, he wanted to bury his head in a pillow and just scream for at least an hour straight. He should have. He should have just done that. Why did he have to yell at Momo like that? Was he a fucking idiot? He must’ve been.

He hadn’t learned shit. He was almost wishing Chiba had stuck around so he could’ve shut him up early by socking him in the jaw before he could’ve dug another hole for himself. Or Yuriko. Yuriko was pretty good at damage control. Even when she wasn’t in the mood for it at all.

As he drew his hand back, he froze. Natsume was standing not too far away, staring at him silently with an expression he couldn’t for the life of him figure out the meaning of.

_ Oh, god… _ How much had he heard of that? All of it? Or nothing?  _ No _ \- If he hadn’t heard anything, he wouldn’t have been looking at him so intensely.

Mamoru’s legs moved on their own, and before he knew it, he’d left the hallway and Natsume behind, letting them carry him somewhere,  _ anywhere _ as long as it was away from here.

His phone stayed silent until several hours later.

* * *

**tamatama (momo** **)** Today at 6:34 PM  
Are you still sulking

 **tamatama (momo** **)** Today at 6:43 PM  
You could at least answer my texts you know

 **tamatama (momo** **)** Today at 6:45 PM  
I know youre upset and im sorry you feel that way but what you did was still uncalled for

 **tamatama (momo** **)** Today at 6:45 PM  
And i dont think i deserved that

 **tamatama (momo** **)** Today at 6:45 PM  
I hope once youve calmed down we can talk things out like adults

 **tamatama (momo** **)** Today at 6:58 PM  
Just so you know im not mad at you just disappointed but i wont snap at you or yell at you or anything so dont be afraid to text back when youre feeling better

* * *

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 6:31 PM   
i heard what happened

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 6:31 PM   
apologise to momo-chan or im coming for ur kneecaps

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 6:31 PM   
it sounds like im joking but i promise im not

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 6:31 PM   
i thought uve been trying to be nicer lately at least to her but obviously that wasnt fucking true lmao

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 6:31 PM   
give me back the outfit i made for you u dont deserve it

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 6:31 PM   
asshole

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 6:31 PM   
fuck you

* * *

**tamatama** Today at 7:13 PM   
Hes still ignoring me :/

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 7:13 PM   
rip

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 7:13 PM   
you should just leave it be

**tamatama** Today at 7:13 PM   
Id feel bad

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 7:13 PM   
its not your job to baby him

**tamatama** Today at 7:14 PM   
Yeah i know that but were still friends

**tamatama** Today at 7:14 PM   
And i care about him

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 7:14 PM   
but if he isnt respecting your feelings is he really your friend

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 7:14 PM   
not to be mean

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 7:14 PM   
you know what im trying to say

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 7:14 PM   
hes older than you, he should know better, and its not your job to parent him

**tamatama** Today at 7:14 PM   
Its not mean i get you and youre probably right but still

**tamatama** Today at 7:14 PM   
I think he can do it if he tries

**tamatama** Today at 7:14 PM   
Hes been through stuff he just needs a little help is all and i dont feel obligated or anything its just what i want to do

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 7:14 PM   
that doesnt really excuse anything

**tamatama** Today at 7:17 PM   
Im not saying that :< but anyway its okay its not like i cant take it

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 7:17 PM   
okay

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 7:17 PM   
its your choice

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 7:17 PM   
lmk how it went later if he ends up replying

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 7:17 PM   
ill be here if you need me to kick his ass for you im very much itching to do it by this point

**tamatama** Today at 7:18 PM   
Please dont

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 7:18 PM   
it was just a joke

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 7:18 PM   
although hed deserve it

**tamatama** Today at 7:18 PM   
Maybe but still

**tamatama** Today at 7:18 PM   
Promise me you wont hit him or anything

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 7:18 PM   
i wouldnt actually do that dont worry

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 7:18 PM   
ill just abuse him verbally

**tamatama** Today at 7:18 PM   
Sigh

* * *

The convenience store’s lights flickered softly in the dark of the night. Soaked from head to toe, he crouched with his arms wrapped around his legs. Even though he was fairly close to the entrance, the store clerk hadn’t actually come to check up on him, fortunately. Now that he’d spent a good while in this position, he’d actually managed to somewhat calm down, and became well-aware that he definitely looked like a sulking child.

_ Fuck. _

He really hadn’t meant to snap at Momo like that. The hurt look she’d had in her eyes before she’d run away was still vivid and fresh in his mind. He really should’ve known better. He  _ should _ have, so why had he still gone off like that…? It was a miracle she was still willing to be friends with him, honestly. It was a miracle he’d gotten to hang out with her and Yuriko until now at all.

Well, that probably wasn’t going to last for long at this rate… assuming he hadn’t doomed himself already.

_ Idiot. Moron. Jackass. _

Without thinking, his hand slipped towards his pocket. He stopped himself a moment later. He couldn’t just call his mom. Not this time. What could he have told her…? That he was pretty sure he’d just botched his chances with the one person that still enjoyed spending time with him? That he might’ve potentially fucked up the one chance he’d had at changing careers? He’d talked such a big game. He’d sounded so sure of himself. He’d  _ felt _ sure –  _ he  _ was the one who’d worked his ass off for all those years in the entertainment industry, slaving away with hardly any free time, getting ripped off by half the directors or producers he’s worked with… so how come  _ he _ was the one who ended up getting kicked out, huh? How was that fair at all?

His mom probably would’ve just said it was alright. She would’ve told him not to be so upset in that soft tone she always used that he hated so much, the one that reminded him he was just the useless middle child that could never measure up to his sisters. He could feel the same upset emotions from earlier slowly returning at the thought.

Part of him, though, was afraid that if he told her everything, he’d end up reminding her of his dad. And he wouldn’t have been able to handle that. Just thinking about it was already making him feel weak. He wasn’t sure how much of the dampness was from the rain or cold sweat.

He clicked his tongue as he brushed some of the wet hair out of his face.

A moment later, he realised the raindrops weren’t landing on him anymore. And yet, the rain hadn’t stopped. He looked up to see an umbrella over his head, held by a gloved hand. In one of his more ornate dresses, his snake’s head poking out from underneath the fabric, stood Natsume Rintarou, lips stretched into a reserved smile.

“You’ll get sick if you aren’t careful, Izumi-san.”

_ Oh, great _ . He was here so they could feel sorry for themselves together or something equally as pathetic, Mamoru bet. Well, he wasn’t going to play along. Granted, Natsume had definitely been one of the most bearable people he’d met on campus – or maybe period –, but that didn’t mean much. He wasn’t like him. It was only natural that someone like him had lost when this had most definitely been one of his first attempts at dabbling in performing. Not to mention, based on his attitude, he very clearly hadn’t had anything riding on this. To think that they were even remotely in the same category was laughable.

He could feel himself growing more irritated.

“Like that’s any of your business, creep.”

“Now, now, there is no need to take that tone.”

“Don’t you have shopping to do?” he scowled. “Don’t tell me you came all the way out here just to look for me.”

Natsume tilted his head.

“Why, of course not. I would have found you much sooner if that had been my intention.”

“Yeah, thought so. So get going, then.”

Natsume sighed.

“I cannot, in good conscience, leave you out here on your own like this. Rain aside, I’ve been told there may be another thunderstorm later. It would very much be in your best interest to join me for now and allow me to share my umbrella with you.”

“Ugh…”

“Where are you headed, if I may ask? If you don’t happen to have a way to pay, I would not mind calling someone to pick you up and deliver you to your destination.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“Oh? How odd. Why are you sitting out in the rain, then, if I may ask?”

“None of your business.”

“Are you perhaps still feeling upset over what had happened earlier today? Is this self-punishing behavior for how you behaved with Momo-san, or perhaps for failing to impress the audience enough in your eyes? Or, don’t tell me… has the wind stolen your umbrella away, and, not wishing to inconvenience the store clerk, you’ve decided against taking shelter inside? Is it possible you gain pleasure from such an activity? Some of my dear friends have mentioned to me they perform certain rituals to feel closer to nature; could this be one of them…? In that case, I cannot say I approve. I may be stepping out of line, but I believe if you wish to feel in tune with nature, it is of utmost importance that you take care of your-“

“Oh, would you just shut it already!” Mamoru raised his voice. He stood up so fast, Natsume didn’t get the chance to move the umbrella away, and he ended up smacking his head on the ribs. He sank back down immediately, hissing in pain.

“Oh dear… Are you alright?”

Mamoru batted his hand away.

“Don’t touch me.”

“Ah. Apologies.”

Even so, Natsume didn’t seem like he’d be willing to leave.

“What do you  _ actually _ want?” Mamoru narrowed his eyes up at him, still untrusting of his motives. If he thought he was going to be able to get in his good graces by pretending to be concerned, he was wrong. He could easily see right through that sort of act.

Natsume rubbed his chin.

“I believe I have made myself quite clear. Does my presence unsettle you?”

“Yes, actually.”

“Ah… That is unfortunate. Still-”

“I don’t need you to babysit me. Don’t act like we’re friends or some shit.”

“That’s a little rude. We’ve known each other for 3 years now. Does that not qualify as friendship?”

“Yeah, if passing by in hallways counts as ‘knowing each other’, sure…”

“We have exchanged words on more than one occasion!”

“So? What, are you also friends with all the professors whose lectures you’ve attended?”

“I can see that you don’t seem to be in a particularly good mood,” Natsume adjusted his glasses. Mamoru rolled his eyes. “It seems we are getting sidetracked. Do I have to consider you a friend for me to feel concerned about you? Is it not enough for me to simply wish to lend a helping hand to someone in need?”

He sure was being stubborn.

Mamoru stood up once again, this time actually paying attention not to bump into him. True to what Natsume had said, he was starting to shiver now that the night was cooling down. Even still, he didn’t need this guy to know where he lived, and he wasn’t feeling up to ruining some poor driver’s car by dripping all over it. Besides, he’d still have to fetch his belongings from school.

“Look, dude, whatever it is you think you can get out of me, I won’t be giving it to you. You can pretend to be a concerned little goody-two-shoes if you want, but it’s not going to work on people like me. Go be a roadblock somewhere you’re actually wanted, you pompous jackass.”

He moved to walk past him, but Natsume blocked his way.

“I apologise for what I’m about to do,” he bowed his head.

Before he could ask what he meant, one of Natsume’s hands gripped his shoulder.

“Do not say such selfish words, Izumi-san. Even if you don’t care much for me, there is surely someone out there whose heart would very much break seeing you act in such a way. What is there for anyone to gain from this? Momo-san wouldn’t want you to be freezing out here. Nor would your family, I’m sure.”

Natsume’s fingers curled around his wrist. His grip was somehow both gentle and firm. He began leading him away, and, still in shock, Mamoru couldn’t find it in himself to even try to resist. His legs moved on their own, stumbling after him like a toddler learning to walk.

Natsume made no further remarks. He walked at a brisk pace, his heels clacking away on the pavement, his umbrella shielding them both from the rain. The few people they passed by turned their heads for brief, curious looks, but whether due to the weather or Natsume’s confident stride, nobody dared to approach.

They were headed back to school; that much was obvious. The route was all too familiar. And as the main gate came to view, Mamoru felt himself tense up. Natsume, though, didn’t stop until they were underneath the roof in front of the main entrance, finally letting go of his hand.

“I do hope you won’t hold today against me and understand I had your best interest at heart.”

Another silence fell upon them, albeit this one was much shorter.

Mamoru wrapped his arms around himself without thinking, body shaking from the cold.

“…Why?”

“Hm?”

“Why would you go through the trouble…? Especially after I said all that stuff… You don’t even know me. Not  _ really _ . You have nothing to get out of this.”

“Aahh…” Natsume shook his head. “You are still wondering about that?”

“It doesn’t make sense.”

“Your complex runs rather deep, it seems…” he mused. Holding his umbrella aside, he carefully shook some of the water off of it. “It is true your manners still need plenty of work, but I have never been one for singling people out. Rude as you have been, you do not seem like a dangerous individual from what I have observed. I had no reason to refuse to help.”

“No reason to-“

“Yes.”

A pair of students walked by, whispering to each other.

“I wouldn’t have taken you as someone so forceful.”

“Yes, well… part of it was my emotions getting the better of me. But I also thought it would be the most practical solution. I do not particularly enjoy resorting to physical force, but…”

“I figured. You seem way more like a doorma-”

“For your information, it would be far more productive for you to cease this sort of behavior instead of simply seeking punishment for it. Just some advice, since you appear to be rather distressed by it.”

Natsume checked his watch, continuing before Mamoru could get a retort in.

“If you’ll excuse me, I do have some shopping to get to. I have made a promise that I will return with nourishment soon, and I do not wish to disappoint.”

He held his umbrella up once again.

Mamoru’s chest felt heavy. He didn’t even know Natsume could get emotional at all. He’d never seen him upset before, not even once. Apparently, though, he’d managed to make him mad somehow. A true achievement, huh… He bet Yuriko would’ve had plenty of snarky comments to make about it.

“Natsume…kun.”

“Yes?”

He hesitated.

“I… uh…”

His hands gripped the fabric of his pants.

“…Sorry for being such an asshole. And, uh, for ditching you like that last week.”

_ Fuck _ , he’d almost forgotten to apologise for that again. He really was an absolute idiot.

“I… kinda misread you, so… But, uh, that was my fault. So… thanks for setting my shit straight. I think I needed that.”

Surprise flashed in Natsume’s eyes before he gave a polite smile.

“It was no trouble, there is no need to thank me. I am just glad my words managed to get through to someone for once.”

“…I can pay for the groceries if you want. I mean, for making you walk all the way here and back…”

“Nonsense. I have no need for monetary reimbursement.”

“No, like- That’s not what I…”

Natsume waited patiently for him to continue, but the words never came. He had no idea what he was supposed to say. He’d calmed down from his outburst from before, but his emotions were now a whole new kind of mess. The same way he’d always felt whenever he’d begged for forgiveness from Momo after a particularly harsh argument. The same way he’d felt when Yuriko would still tell him it was alright.

He let out a shaky sigh.

“…Never mind. Sorry for the trouble.”

Natsume looked like he had more to say, but he must’ve decided against it, as he only nodded his head.

“Have a good night, Izumi-san. Do let me know if you require anything else.”

And with that, he was off, leaving Mamoru all alone, with nothing but his own thoughts to accompany him, a flurry of contradictory and confusing feelings coursing through him. Momo had always been like that too. Always nice and forgiving, even when he didn’t deserve it. Kind and caring, despite everything.

The dull pain in his chest grew a little more.

He really didn’t want to lose her. He’d already botched his chances with Yuriko. Momo was the only friend he still had left. Momo was the only one still willing to forgive him every single time, still willing to just hang out and talk and have fun and…

God, he really had to figure something out and fast, if he didn’t want her to lose whatever patience she had left. He still had some time. He could still fix everything, he could still fix  _ himself _ before she’d decide she’d had enough.

He sneezed.

He’d probably deserve getting sick by this point, but… Natsume’s words were still echoing in his head, refusing to leave him be. Catching a cold wasn’t going to help anything or anyone. He’d just be running away again. What would that achieve…?

He wondered if anyone would mind if he borrowed their shower.

* * *

**I Am Damaged** Today at 9:21 PM   
Hey do you have a second

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:21 PM   
for you? no

**I Am Damaged** Today at 9:21 PM   
Please dont say that

**I Am Damaged** Today at 9:21 PM   
Im sorry about earlier ok

**I Am Damaged** Today at 9:21 PM   
I know i fucked up

**I Am Damaged** Today at 9:21 PM   
Im not asking you to forgive me or anything

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:21 PM   
first of all

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:21 PM   
im not the one you owe an apology to

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:21 PM   
ive been completely uninvolved

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:21 PM   
second

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:22 PM   
youre only messaging me because you want me to explain to you step by step what youre supposed to say to make momo forgive you

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:22 PM   
and im not going to do that

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:22 PM   
i personally dont think the gesture would be worth much like that

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:22 PM   
youll just have to use your big boy words

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:22 PM   
third

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:22 PM   
i dont know how much of this i believe

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:22 PM   
because this isnt the first time youve pulled this

**I Am Damaged** Today at 9:22 PM   
Im sorry

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:22 PM   
im not done let me talk

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:23 PM   
im not like momo

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:23 PM   
im not nice

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:23 PM   
at some point we mightve had something akin to friendship but currently im really not sure where i stand in your eyes and where you stand in mine

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:23 PM   
momo might care about giving you a multitude of second chances but i do not

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:23 PM   
i am not your friend nor your therapist

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:23 PM   
do you understand

**I Am Damaged** Today at 9:23 PM   
Yes

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:23 PM   
okay

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:23 PM   
with that said, im also not unreasonable

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:24 PM   
as long as you show that youre making an effort, ill be willing to give you the benefit of the doubt

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:24 PM   
i know there are a lot of things you cant help

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:24 PM   
but it is still your responsibility to keep yourself in line

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:24 PM   
and rest assured i wont hesitate to break your face if you do anything to hurt momo or any of my friends for that matter again

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:25 PM   
not actually i should clarify before you use that against me

**I Am Damaged** Today at 9:26 PM   
Okay

**I Am Damaged** Today at 9:26 PM   
Thank you

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:26 PM   
dont thank me it feels slimy coming from you

**I Am Damaged** Today at 9:26 PM   
Sorry

**I Am Damaged** Today at 9:26 PM   
Are you mad at me

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:26 PM   
do not guilt trip me

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:26 PM   
ill have my own heated gamer moment and ill suplex your ass into your coffee table

**I Am Damaged** Today at 9:29 PM   
Sorry i wasnt trying to do that

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:29 PM   
conscious or unconscious, it doesnt matter

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:29 PM   
its not my duty to comfort you

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:29 PM   
so to answer your question

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:29 PM   
its none of your business

**I Am Damaged** Today at 9:29 PM   
Okay

**I Am Damaged** Today at 9:29 PM   
I just wanted to know if you were gonna block me

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:29 PM   
no

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:29 PM   
atm i have no reason to

**I Am Damaged** Today at 9:29 PM   
Okay

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:29 PM   
just keep in mind what i told you

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:30 PM   
i know youre capable of it

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:30 PM   
the only question is how much you care

**I Am Damaged** Today at 9:30 PM   
I do

**I Am Damaged** Today at 9:30 PM   
Like a lot

**I Am Damaged** Today at 9:30 PM   
Ill try

**I Am Damaged** Today at 9:30 PM   
Ill apologise to momo-san on my own

**I Am Damaged** Today at 9:30 PM   
Sorry for trying to use you as a crutch, i cant really make any excuses for that youre right

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:30 PM   
well

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:30 PM   
as long as you understand

**I Am Damaged** Today at 9:30 PM   
Are you sure we wont be able to be friends again

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:30 PM   
i didnt say that

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:31 PM   
itll depend on you though

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:31 PM   
i dont think im too high maintenance

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:31 PM   
i thought you didnt care lol why are you asking

**I Am Damaged** Today at 9:31 PM   
Im sorry if i made it seem like that, i do actually want to be friends tho

**I Am Damaged** Today at 9:31 PM   
I really miss our old convos they were really fun

**I Am Damaged** Today at 9:31 PM   
I feel really bad for ruining all that

**I Am Damaged** Today at 9:31 PM   
Ill try and sort my shit out i promise

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:31 PM   
start by changing that username maybe

**I Am Damaged** Today at 9:31 PM   
Its a reference :// i just like the song

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:31 PM   
it just makes you look really edgy

**I Am Damaged** Today at 9:32 PM   
Youre really one to talk

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:32 PM   
lol

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 9:32 PM   
ill let you off the hook for now

* * *

**I Am Damaged** Today at 9:43 PM   
Hi

**tamatama (momo)** Today at 9:43 PM   
Hewwo

**I Am Damaged** Today at 10:31 PM   
Im really sorry for snapping at you earlier and then ghosting you, it was really shitty of me and i understand if you dont want to forgive me after that especially since it wasnt the first time this has happened. i know you said you werent mad but you have every right to be tbh. anyway i just wanted to let you know that try my best to not let something like that happen again and ill try to find a better outlet for stress and stuff

**tamatama (momo)** Today at 10:33 PM   
Thank you for the apology. yes, please try your best! i didnt lie about not being mad, but this kind of thing can still be really draining to deal with sometimes. im glad you understand

**tamatama (momo)** Today at 10:33 PM   
Just be chill and we will be cool :>

**I Am Damaged** Today at 10:34 PM   
Yeah ill do my best

**tamatama (momo)** Today at 10:34 PM   
I have to go now its really late but ty for messaging me!! gn

**I Am Damaged** Today at 10:34 PM   
Night!

* * *

“Oh, dear… Mamoru-chan, did your umbrella break? You poor little thing, you’re soaked all over…”

“Eh-? Oh, uhm, something like that… I’m sorry, did I wake you?”

“You should be more careful! You’ll worry your parents if you get sick.”

“H-haha… Yeah, I know.”

“By the way, the television has been acting up again… Could you come take a look at it whenever you have the time?”

“Sure thing, I don’t mind.”

“Thank you, hon. Now go draw yourself a hot bath!”

“A-aah, yes, I will…”

“I’ll be waiting!”

“Yes.”

“Sleep well!”

“Goodnight.”

* * *

**TAECHAN** @taechan · June 19   
Why is  #justiceforizumin trending wtf did i miss

**eruru** @pannacotta636363 · June 19   
yet another reason to get better taste and stan kotori-chan (*ฅ́˘ฅ̀*) .｡.:*

**Pancake King** @m6f8zy30413 · June 19   
Megathread of today’s clips~ A reminder to keep the replies civil!  #HPAEG

**bebebe** @saycheesemom · June 19   
honestly might consider watching now that izumins out lmao

**kiwi’s corner** @kiwidraws · June 19   
REMEMBER TO KEEP POSTING IN THE TAG!!! WE WILL NOT BE SILENCED  #justiceforizumin

**Chai** @chaiteatime1203 · June 19   
oh thank god


	13. Anemone

_ “Why did you pick the violin anyway?” _

_ He tilts his head. _

_ “Oh, my mom is a violin player. There’s not much more to it.” _

_ “…She’s not famous or anything, is she?” _

_ He laughs at your question, and your cheeks heat up with embarrassment. _

_ “I don’t really know what counts as ‘famous’.” _

_ “W-well, it’s not like I really listen to classical music anyway, so… I wouldn’t know…” _

_ “Haha, that’s okay. It’s not for everybody.” _

_ He fiddles with the headphones hanging around his neck for a moment. _

_ “You could come over sometime if you want to hear her play.” _

_ You can’t help but nervously tense up, just like you always do when an opportunity presents itself that seems too good to be true. _

_ “Wh- Wouldn’t that be a bother…?” _

_ “No? My parents are pretty nice. Don’t worry about it.” _

_ Your heart skips a beat. _

_ “…I’ve never actually been over to a boy’s house before…” _

_ “Wait- You’re not taking it  _ that _ way, right?” _

_ “N-no, of course not!” you flail around in a panicked manner, shaking your head. _

_ He gives you a look that you can’t quite decipher. _

* * *

Setsuko didn’t think she’d end up in the infirmary again so soon. Granted, she wouldn’t have come of her own free will, but still. She sat with her hands in her lap, nervously tapping her feet on the floor, back rigidly straight.

Running into Fujinomiya right after filming was one thing. Almost fainting and falling right into her arms was another. She’d done her best to attempt to talk herself out of trouble, trying to brush it off as just the stress getting to her, but Fujinomiya didn’t have any of it. She’d taken hold of her wrist and dragged her off, the intimidating frown she’d been wearing doing a good job of silencing any of Setsuko’s possible protests.

She was at least glad she hadn’t actually accompanied her inside. It made her feel better, knowing she probably wasn’t going to overhear anything.

Fujiwara’s pen clicking seemed to be more intense than the last time she’d visited.

“You said you don’t have a primary care provider…?”

“Y-yeah… I haven’t really needed to go to the hospital much. I don’t get sick that often.”

“That’s odd… You  _ are _ aware you’re considerably underweight, right?”

She wiped her sweaty hands on her skirt. She was still kind of upset he’d taken her weight this time around, but she hadn’t had the courage to say no. Even if he didn’t seem particularly mean, she’d never been good at standing her ground against adults.

“Yes…”

“You aren’t starving yourself, are you?”

“N-no!” she shook her head so hard, her glasses almost flew of. “It’s not that… It’s… not really on purpose, so…”

Fujiwara waited for her to continue, but she could only squirm.

He let out a sigh.

She almost jumped out of her skin when he stood up from his chair. She wasn’t sure what she was worried about – that he’d turn to more forceful methods? It was a dumb thought. He was just doing his job. She doubted he would’ve cared enough to go that far. She knew that.

Despite that, her anxiety didn’t dissipate even when he walked over to the cupboard and plucked a lollipop out then held it out for her to take. She could only stare at it for a second or two before autopilot kicked in, and one of her hands automatically reached out to grab it.

It was only a moment later she realised what had happened.

“Huh-?”

She looked between Fujiwara and the lollipop, as though she wasn’t quite sure what to do with it. After a second or two, he frowned.

“This usually works…”

_ With who, children? _ But she didn’t say that.

She did feel a little bad. She didn’t like to cause trouble for others; she was sure he had better things to do with his time than babysit her like this. It wasn’t like she was  _ trying _ to be difficult…

After a moment of hesitation, she carefully unwrapped it and stuck it in her mouth.  _ Strawberry. _

Fujiwara’s shoulders sunk, and he sat back down in his chair.

“Minamoto-san… I understand the situation may be uncomfortable for you. It is, however, my responsibility to take care of all of you here. I’m sure you know my goal isn’t to distress you in any way.”

She nodded.

“This seems like a serious problem that would be in your best interest to address as soon as possible. You have been very fortunate so far to have your friends around to help. If you were to pass out again and there was nobody nearby, or god forbid, hit your head, you may end up with long-lasting effects that could have been avoided had proper precautions been taken.”

She was sinking back further and further, trying to make herself as small as possible. It wasn’t like she could argue with anything he was saying. She knew well enough that all of it was true. She’d had more than enough time to grapple with it all.

“It’s just… embarrassing,” she finally managed to blurt out, averting her eyes. She felt like such a child; she wanted to crawl under the blanket and hide. She probably sounded so silly.

_ Click. Click. Click. _

“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. How many years do you think I’ve been a nurse for? Believe me, I’ve dealt with more than enough cases many people would consider to be far more ridiculous.”

“…I know…”

“Well, if you need some more time, you can stay here for as long as you like.”

He must’ve meant for that to sound reassuring. Despite that, it managed to achieve the opposite effect. She only became even more aware of how much she must’ve been inconveniencing him.

She forcefully pushed down the panic that immediately bubbled up inside of her. Her fingers curled around her scarf.

“I just… forget a lot of the time.”

Fujiwara raised his head from the notepad he’d busied himself with.

“To eat?”

“Yes… And, uhm… sometimes I’m just too nervous and I can’t really get anything down.”

He hummed.

“Have you talked about it to any of your friends?”

“No… You aren’t going to tell anybody, are you-?”

“Of course not. It would be better if you had someone you could confide in in your personal life, but that’s your choice to make. I’m legally obligated to keep everything that happens in here between the two of us.”

She bit her lip.

“But really, Minamoto-san, this isn’t anything to be ashamed of. At your age, you’re under a lot of stress. It’s not uncommon to suffer ill effects.”

He began flipping through his notepad, scribbling something down.

“Besides, you aren’t the first person to come to me with similar issues.”

She blinked.

“I’m not?”

“Not at all. It’s not as rare as you think, though the specific circumstances vary from person to person, naturally.”

He spun his chair around.

“Now then, assuming you don’t mind… I do have a few more questions for you.”

* * *

They ended up talking for much longer than she had expected. Despite her initial worries, the more time passed, the easier it became to give answers. She stopped glancing at the door after a while, the need for a fast escape fading to the back of her mind.

Not that any of that stopped her from realising how extremely drained she’d become as soon as she’d stepped back out into the hallway.

She would’ve headed straight back to the dorm had her eyes not settled on Fujinomiya, sat on a chair that she’d gotten from god knows where, scrolling on her phone, wearing a pair of headphones. She must’ve heard the door close, because she looked up right after, slipping the headphones down around her neck.

“A-ah… You’re still here,” Setsuko remarked without thinking. Even though it must’ve been a pretty dumb thing to say, Fujinomiya didn’t seem particularly bothered… or at least not moreso than she normally appeared.

She got up from her seat, slipping her phone into her pocket.

“Yes, well… I did want to make sure you were okay. It’s only basic courtesy.”

“Don’t you have any classes to get to…?”

“Not for a while, no. Though I’m more than caught up with my studies, so it wouldn’t have been much of a bother either way.”

Setsuko began fidgeting.

Fujinomiya cleared her throat.

“I suppose I should congratulate you for today. You did better than I’d expected.”

“Huh-? Wait, but… you told me to drop out before, didn’t you?”

She raised a brow.

“I just made a suggestion is all. Based on what Yuki-san had told me and the impression I’ve gotten of you, I thought it would be best if you could receive advice from somebody with actual experience with this sort of thing. There was a good chance the experience would have turned out so poorly you’d have been turned off to trying out performing even in more ideal situations. Which… I guess did almost kind of happen.”

After a moment of silence, she continued.

“You did well, though. You should be proud.”

It took Setsuko much longer than it probably should’ve to properly comprehend everything Fujinomiya had just said. Even when she finally understood, she couldn’t quite believe it. Not entirely.

“Wait, so you were just… worried about me?”

Fujinomiya frowned.

“Yes. Wasn’t that the impression I was giving off?”

She felt like the biggest weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

Here she had been, avoiding her like she’d be posing some kind of a danger, but Fujinomiya was surprisingly polite. Perhaps she was just bad at expressing her feelings. She could certainly relate to that. She even started to feel a little bad, having been so paranoid around her for apparently no reason.

“Wow… You’re actually pretty nice!”

For a moment, Fujinomiya looked like she’d just been told something awfully mean.

“’Actually’…? What did you think I was like before, then?”

“I- I mean, it’s just that… you’re kind of… intimidating? You’re always walking around with that glare…”

Her shoulders sunk.

“Oh, geez…” she sighed, digging her fingers through her hair. All of a sudden, her frown seemed a lot less angry, and a lot more tired. “I’ve been told that before. I was doing my best to seem concerned, though. I guess it didn’t work.”

“H-haha…”

“Did you really find me that scary? I’m sorry.”

“Kind of…”

“Well, at least you don’t think that anymore, right-?”

“Uh- No… yeah! Probably not…?”

“So which is it…?”

“I don’t! I don’t find you scary anymore, I promise!”

Setsuko was relieved to see Fujinomiya’s mood seemed to lighten from the reassurance somewhat. She never thought she’d end up feeling bad for her. She supposed that was her fault for jumping to conclusions without having gotten to have a genuine conversation with her before. At the end of the day, she should’ve figured Fujinomiya was only human as well. It should’ve been a given she’d also have something to feel insecure about.

Speaking of jumping to conclusions, though, she did have something else she was wondering about.

“Fujinomiya-san… Do you actually  _ like _ performing?”

She seemed caught off-guard for a moment.

“Yes. Why?”

“You’ve just seemed pretty grumpy about the whole show every time I’ve seen you before… Or was that also just me imagining things? A-ahaha, uhm-“

“Oh,” she briefly pursed her lips. “No, you’re right. I can’t say I’m a fan of the way things are done here. Or… the industry in general. By now, it’s just a hobby. At one point, I  _ was _ interested in it as a career, but… I haven’t had the best of experiences, you could say.”

“…Why did you sign up for the Game, then, if you hate it so much?”

It should’ve been a simple question, right? Or that’s what she would’ve thought. But Fujinomiya’s answer only came after she seemed to have spent a good while pondering it, arms sternly crossed, head cocked to the side.

“It’s a bit of a long story.”

“Is it private…?”

“Part of it is, yes,” she nodded. “There are some things I’m not especially comfortable talking about. But to give you an idea, I’m mostly just after the reward.”

“I… Yeah, I guess that makes sense.”

That  _ is _ what most people she’d asked had told her so far.

“What are you going to ask for, then? Or is that also a secret?”

“Oh, no,” she actually  _ laughed _ ; the sound was so unfamiliar from her in particular, Setsuko had to do a double take to make sure she hadn’t been mistaken. “I’m going to request the program to be dismantled.”

“You… don’t mean the whole talent program, do you?”

“Don’t be silly, Minamoto-san. Only the Game.”

“But isn’t the Game, like… the main funding for the talent program itself? And most of the school, if I’m remembering right… If they discontinued it, wouldn’t that be really bad news for them?”

“Yes, well,” she shrugged, “that’s their fault, now, isn’t it? Perhaps they should’ve thought things through more carefully before deciding to exploit a bunch of vulnerable students for money.”

Setsuko couldn’t help but recall what Yokoyama had told her before.

“Besides,” Fujinomiya rolled her eyes, “they’ve definitely earned far more from just the views than you’d think. Then there’s also sponsors, merchandising, etc… Coupled with the fairly humble budget they’re working with, it adds up to quite a bit. I really wouldn’t waste any tears on their financial security.”

How could she be so confident about that…? It wasn’t like Setsuko herself knew much more about how these things worked, so she couldn’t exactly refute her, but there was just something about the way she kept rattling these things off without seemingly any effort that made her incredibly curious.

“You said you have experience with this kind of thing, right? What exactly did you mean by that?”

Fujinomiya paused.

“That’s part of the long story.”

“I… see.”

She supposed it wouldn’t have been very polite to pry.

“By the way, Minamoto-san…”

“Y-yeah?”

“I’m not going to lie… I wasn’t really expecting you to rap. Much less rap… poetry.”

She pushed down a squeak.

“Technically speaking you could make the case that rap  _ is _ , uhm, a form of poetry… H-haha… A lot of people wouldn’t classify it as such, but their reasoning for it tends to be pretty superficial in my opinion. So, you know, it’s nothing that odd…!”

“I meant that as a compliment.”

“O-oh…”

Fujinomiya chuckled.

* * *

**lil pika (kageyama)** Today at 6:29 PM   
hi!!

**minamoto** Today at 6:29 PM   
nyes

**lil pika (kageyama)** Today at 6:29 PM   
i keep forgetting to ask lol

**lil pika (kageyama)** Today at 6:29 PM   
theres gonna be a party this friday at uhh i forget whos house but

**minamoto** Today at 6:29 PM   
whose*

**lil pika (kageyama)** Today at 6:29 PM   
huh

**minamoto** Today at 6:29 PM   
its whose ;w;

**lil pika (kageyama)** Today at 6:30 PM   
OH

**lil pika (kageyama)** Today at 6:30 PM   
:D

**lil pika (kageyama)** Today at 6:30 PM   
but yeah do you wanna come?? a lot of other ppl are coming too

**minamoto** Today at 6:30 PM   
wah

**minamoto** Today at 6:30 PM   
after classes?? right

**lil pika (kageyama)** Today at 6:30 PM   
yes :D

**lil pika (kageyama)** Today at 6:30 PM   
dw a lot of ppl are sharing rides so u can just hitch w us if you wanna

**lil pika (kageyama)** Today at 6:31 PM   
it wont be anything super hardcore were just gonna chill for a bit and vibe

**minamoto** Today at 6:31 PM   
aaaaaaaaaaaa

**minamoto** Today at 6:31 PM   
that sounds kinda nice

**minamoto** Today at 6:31 PM   
i will have to think abt it tho if thats ok ;w; i dont rlly like crowds

**lil pika (kageyama)** Today at 6:31 PM   
yeye all g

**lil pika (kageyama)** Today at 6:31 PM   
if it helps make you feel better youll prolly know a lot of ppl

**lil pika (kageyama)** Today at 6:31 PM   
but tyt tho takas also been on the fence abt it

**minamoto** Today at 6:31 PM   
weh okay

**lil pika (kageyama)** Today at 6:32 PM   
you can just message yuzuru or me friday morn n we can hash out the rest

**lil pika (kageyama)** Today at 6:32 PM   
anyways ttyl the beb wants attention

**minamoto** Today at 6:32 PM   
sdhsjkd bye!!

* * *

She took the train together with Takahashi on Wednesday. It was hot and cramped; Takahashi stammered out an apology when he almost flattened her against one of the doors by accident as he attempted to make way for the people trying to get off. The air conditioning must not have been working properly, because they both could’ve sworn it was somehow cooler on the outside. As soon as they stepped off, they breathed a sigh of relief in sync, welcoming the fresh air and noting they had indeed been correct.

The walk to his home wasn’t too long from there.

His house – or his parents’ house, she supposed – was in suburban Tokyo. Relatively comfortable with a small garden that none of them must’ve had enough much time to take care of properly, as some of the plants were overgrown to a point she doubted must’ve been intended. Unless they didn’t mind them blocking a couple windows, that is.

The front door opened shortly after Takahashi rang the doorbell. All Setsuko could make out was a whoosh of yellow before she was knocked right into him, her glasses falling off and clattering onto the ground.

She shrieked as Takahashi’s large dog began excitedly licking her.

“Bella, sit! Sit!”

It took Takahashi’s sister many tries before the dog finally listened to her exasperated command. If Takahashi hadn’t been so big and tall himself, they probably would’ve ended up splayed out on the street. He gave a quick, lighthearted apology to Setsuko before he rushed over to the dog to return its affections.

In the meantime, she crouched down on the ground, having to squint her eyes a fair bit before she managed to spot her glasses. She slid them back on once she’d made sure the lenses were still in one piece.

“Geez… Why are you the only one she ever listens to?” Takahashi’s sister pouted, her arms crossed.

Setsuko had only met her once before, though she did actually manage to recall her name just from Takahashi occasionally mentioning it: Miki. She was in… high school? Middle school? Probably high school. She was only a couple years younger than her, she was pretty sure. She was nice enough, even if she could be a little brash sometimes.

“Do you ever feed her and take her on walks, huh, Miki?”

“I do…! Sometimes…”

“There’s your answer.”

“W-well, it’s not like I always have time! I’m pretty busy as is, having to do your share of the housework now…”

“Ahaha… Sorry about that.”

“Besides, I have entrance exams this year! I don’t have a lot of time, alright?”

As Setsuko caught up with them, Miki greeted her with a nod.

“Hi.”

“Hi there, Miki-chan.”

“Are you still trying to get into my brother’s pants?”

The question had been so sudden and unexpected, she had no idea how to react for a couple seconds. Leaning against the doorway, Miki stared back at her with an expression unperturbed.

Takahashi was the first one to react.

“H-hey, Miki, you can’t say that! Don’t be rude.”

“It was just a question. Yes or no?”

“It’s none of your business. Shoo now.”

Setsuko blinked.

“W-wait, don’t give her the wrong idea…!”

Takahashi looked back at her.

“Huh?”

“Why are you talking like there’s something to hide-? Just- Just tell her she’s wrong.”

“Oh… Oh, I thought you were still…”

His voice trailed off.

He then cleared his throat, turning back to Miki.

“Anyway, is Dad home?”

Miki looked between the two of them for a bit before she rolled her eyes.

“He’s in the kitchen. Making dinner.”

“Thanks,” Takahashi ruffled her hair affectionately, stepping inside and kicking off his shoes. Once Miki was done hissing like a disgruntled stray cat, she ran off ahead, leaving them alone once again momentarily. Save for the dog that was still very much asking for their attention, that is.

“Did… Did you actually think I was still crushing on you?” Setsuko couldn’t help but ask, doing her best to push down the embarrassment. Takahashi lifted a hand to sheepishly scratch the back of his neck.

“Maybe…? I didn’t really give it that much thought, to be honest.”

“It’s been so long, though!” she complained, placing her shoes neatly to the side. “Besides, you could’ve just asked.”

“Yeah, I know that… I just, you know, wasn’t sure if you wanted to talk about it. It’s kind of an awkward thing to bring up out of nowhere.”

“…I guess…”

“Y-yeah!”

“Well… now you know better,” she huffed, to which he laughed lightly.

“Yeah,” he stepped aside, gesturing for her to go ahead. “You wanna, like, head on inside?”

She gave him a light shove as she passed him by.

Takahashi’s father was indeed in the kitchen: a tall, middle aged man, tan lines visible around his neck and arms. He was doing quite well for his age; aside from how well-built he seemed to be, his also hair hardly had any gray in it. As soon as Yuki called out to him, his face lit up, and he abandoned the hot pot he’d been preparing to give him a hug that looked absolutely bone-crushing.

Takahashi really did resemble his father more than Miki did, even if he did still very much tower over everyone in his family. Miki was much more like their mother, with her paler complexion and more delicate features. She also still had the soft baby face Takahashi himself had only grown out of a year or two ago, as she’d seen in his old photos.

She probably still could’ve easily kicked her ass, though, considering she was part of her school’s basketball club. Setsuko was definitely better off not commenting on her cute little chubby cheeks.

“Setsuko-chan! How’ve you been? Finally got tired of takin’ care of that long mane, eh?”

She snapped to attention as Takahashi’s father addressed her next. Though his Japanese was remarkably good, his accent was still quite strong.

“Oh, yeah, Miki ‘n’ I here have been watchin’ that show they’ve been filmin’ at your school and…”

As his voice trailed off, his gaze slipped past her, and Setsuko looked behind her in confusion only to see Takahashi silently gesturing with both hands. As soon as their eyes met, he dropped his hands back down, as though trying to play innocent.

She furrowed her brows slightly.

“What?”

“Oh, uh, I just… y’know, I wasn’t sure if you were cool with talking about that right now. I thought you might get all embarrassed and stuff.”

Her cheeks got a little warmer at the mere mention. Despite that, though… she wasn’t sure if it had been from all the compliments she’d received from everyone else, or just the fact that she felt like she’d already been through the worst, but, surprisingly enough, she didn’t actually feel as bothered as she could’ve. Part of her kind of wanted to brag, even.

“W-well, yeah, kinda… But it’s not  _ that _ big of a deal- As long as I just don’t have to watch it, I’m good.”

“H-haha, yeah, alright. Sorry then.”

That aside, though… Was it just her, or was Takahashi acting oddly flustered today? She could’ve just been imagining things, but she could’ve sworn there had been this faint, yet consistent nervous energy to him the entire day that she just couldn’t quite explain, that seemed just  _ slightly _ out of character. The heat hadn’t gotten to him, had it? She sure hoped not.

She was soon forced to abandon her train of thought as Takahashi’s father, upon sensing the issue had been resolved, began cheerfully chattering away once again, eagerly engaging both of them in conversation.

In the meantime, Miki seemed to be doing her best to practice getting the dog to listen to her in the corner.

_ Cute. _

She’d never had a pet before. Unexpected vet bills sounded pretty scary, and she didn’t really have enough faith in her own abilities to be able to take care of another living being. She could hardly take care of herself as was. At the same time…

They did allow pets on campus.  _ Obviously _ – if Natsume carrying his snake everywhere hadn’t been enough indication, she’d caught glimpses of more than a few dozen others without even really looking. And she doubted any of her friends would’ve minded helping out here and there. And it wasn’t like she had to get a  _ dog _ ! She could start with something small and easy, like… a fish? How much could a fish possibly cost to take care of? But then again, she’d only be allowed in the reserved dormitories for this year, so she’d have to figure out-

She stopped herself before her thoughts got too out of hand.  _ Oh, geez… _ Impulsive as she could be, she did at least know to veto herself when it mattered.

Perhaps she could consider it after graduation…? If she could find someone to rent a place with… Gosh, was she really thinking that far ahead already?

Either way, Takahashi really was lucky to have such a nice family and a dog on top.

He must’ve noticed she’d been spaced out for a suspicious amount of time, as he gave her arm a subtle nudge. Snapping back to reality, she tried her best to laugh it off.

“You good?”

“Yeah…! Just, you know… Your dog is really cute.”

Said dog gave her hand a lick of appreciation.

* * *

Dinner was fun. Takahashi’s family were clearly used to talking over meals, and it didn’t take her a long time to warm up to it and began adding her own comments here and there, dutifully answering any questions that were directed at her. It reminded her of the time she’d huddled up in the dorm with her roommates while they all ate together. Even if she did get full way faster than anyone else. The questions about whether or not she’d found a significant other were a bit awkward, but she’d had worse. Besides, Takahashi’s father was incredibly approachable. He had way less intimidation factor than his mother anyway.

At one point, he ended up pulling Takahashi away to ask for some help fixing something around the house, leaving the two girls on their own. Save for the dog that had lain down for an afternoon nap, that is.

As Miki reached out to gather up the dishes, Setsuko scrambled to her feet.

“I’ll help-“

“It’s okay. I can do this on my own.”

Miki shot her a flat look.

After a moment of hesitation, Setsuko decided to ask:

“Miki-chan… have I done something to offend you?”

“Huh?” Miki looked back at her with brows furrowed in confusion.

She just couldn’t help but wonder. Not that Miki had been much more cheerful the last time they’d met, but she did seem to be a bit grouchier than what she would’ve thought was normal. Maybe she’d just had a bad day at school?

Miki shook her head.

“No, not really.”

“It’s just that… you’ve been giving me those looks all day long…”

“W-well, that’s only because…”

“Because?”

“Because I didn’t want you being weird around my brother, that’s all,” she huffed, carrying over the dirty dishes to the sink. “He’s a big wimp that won’t stand up for himself, and I know he doesn’t like it when girls hit on him. So I was just being careful.”

_ Huh… _

“Wait, I wasn’t hitting on him!”

“You did before! That’s what he told me!”

“That was  _ one _ time and it’s already been ages! Do I really seem that desperate?”

Miki paused.

“Don’t say yes.”

“Hm,” she pursed her lips, “kinda.”

Setsuko slumped back down in defeat.

“…So you’re sure you don’t like him anymore, right?”

“Romantically? Of course not. I’ve already said that.”

“Okay,” Miki’s posture eased up a bit. Was that really all she had to do to convince her all along…? “I guess you’re alright, then.”

Setsuko resisted the urge to just let her head drop onto the table face first. She supposed she should’ve been glad at least they’d gotten to the bottom of that mystery.

On another note, though… She did have something else she’d been wondering about for a while.

“By the way, where’s your mom?”

Miki looked back at her to throw her a look that was definitely more puzzled than it should’ve been.

“At the hospital. Where else would she be?”

_ Oh. _ Takahashi hadn’t mentioned anything about his mother being sick to her, had he? Had she just not been paying attention? Or maybe it just hadn’t come up before… Her lips twitched into an anxious smile as she did her best to salvage the situation.

“O-oh, I see… Well, uhm, I hope she gets better soon.”

Miki’s frown only deepened. She seemed to be thinking very intensely about something, her gaze darting all over the place momentarily before it settled back on her. She spoke after a couple more seconds had passed, seemingly having arrived at a conclusion.

“Has my brother not told you?”

“Huh? About what?”

She opened and closed her minds a couple times before the words finally stumbled out.

“She has late stage terminal cancer. I thought… My brother said he’d already told all his friends, so…”

She awkwardly shuffled with her feet before she shook her head.

“Sorry.”

God, that took a dark turn all of a sudden; once what she’d heard finally set in, Setsuko’s stomach tightened up slightly. Why was  _ Miki _ apologising? That was probably her bad for asking about it in the first place. Not that she’d had any way of knowing, but still…

“I, uhm- It’s okay-? I’m sorry for bringing it up.”

“I mean… if Yuki hasn’t told you anything…”

Takahashi really hadn’t said a word to her about it. There was no way she would’ve forgotten about something like this. Her hands anxiously drummed on her thighs as her mind went back to something else Miki had said.

“Wait, you said he’d already told everybody?”

“Yeah. Or that’s what he told me anyway. So I just… assumed you knew.”

“I… didn’t, no.”

As she opened her mouth to say something else, Miki abruptly shut her down with a shake of her head.

“Don’t say ‘I’m sorry’ again. Just… don’t.”

Setsuko shoved down the second apology that threatened to burst out after that. Truth be told, she didn’t really know what the appropriate reaction should’ve been beyond that. Miki already seemed tense enough; she would’ve felt bad upsetting her even further.

“…Okay. Well, uhm… I know we’re not really friends or anything, but-“

“If I need anything, I can come to you anytime… I’ve heard that too,” Miki sighed. Finally finished with the dishes, she stepped away from the sink, wiping her hands on her uniform. “I know you’re trying to be nice, but I don’t wanna talk about it right now. I don’t… yeah,” she left the thought incomplete, shrugging her shoulders instead.

Walking past Setsuko, she crouched down next to the still sleeping dog, waking it by rubbing its belly.

“Do you wanna come take Bella on a walk? She hasn’t gone yet today, I’m pretty sure.”

Setsuko only nodded.

* * *

She stood around, uncertainly fidgeting with her hands, not sure what to think. She’d been wandering the city for the last hour or so after she’d parted ways with Takahashi again back at the train stop, needing some time to think.

At first, she couldn’t really figure out why the gnawing discomfort in her stomach was so unwilling to go away. As she sent out text after text, though, privately and politely inquiring from people she knew Takahashi was on friendly terms with, she began to piece things together bit by bit.

Miki really hadn’t been lying or exaggerating. Takahashi had told pretty much everyone except for her.

It wasn’t like she was angry with him or anything. At the end of the day, it  _ was _ a private matter, and she didn’t really know his mother all that well. She wouldn’t have found it out if Miki hadn’t said anything, and she wouldn’t have questioned it if he’d given her a plausible enough lie. She wouldn’t have blamed him either. But… why keep it from  _ her _ ? From  _ only _ her? Did he not trust her enough? Was it something she’d done or said? Had she offended him in some way at some point without noticing? She just didn’t know how to feel.

She began to walk again, eyes unfocused, legs moving on autopilot.

When she’d confronted him about it on the train ride back home, quiet and polite, he’d frozen up like a deer in headlights. The answer he’d given after that had been anything but straightforward. Even to her, it had and was  _ still _ obvious it was probably something he just didn’t want to talk about. She would’ve felt bad badgering him about it, so she’d left it be pretty fast at the time, but the lack of a reply continued bothering her.

Maybe she was just overthinking everything again, as always. Maybe he just hadn’t had a chance to bring it up. Or maybe he’d already felt too drained telling the rest of his friends about it, and wanted to preserve just one friendship where that wouldn’t be an issue. Where he could just relax and have fun and not have to think about depressing things. That was certainly possible. Maybe it was best for her to just apologise for bringing it up at all and pretend as though nothing had happened. Maybe-

She shrieked as she was grabbed by the shoulder rather suddenly, only realising a moment later that she’d been about to cross a red light without thinking.

“You don’t have a death wish, do you? I swear, this is the second time this has happened…”

Aragaki must’ve had a knack for sensing when someone was in trouble. She  _ must _ have, considering how many times she’d helped her out before. And here she was again, frowning at her like she’d just done something incredibly stupid- which, to be fair, she  _ had _ .

They weren’t all that far from Hope’s Peak, so she supposed running into her in the area couldn’t have been that big of a coincidence.

Aragaki let go of her shoulder after she seemed to have made sure she wasn’t about to stumble over anyway despite her warning.

“Ah- Hi there… Aragaki-san.”

“Hello.”

“I’m sorry… I guess I was just spaced out.”

Instead of her usual goth punk gear, she was sporting a look much more athletic: a tank top with shorts, as well as some sneakers, her long hair tied into a high ponytail. If it hadn’t been for the giant camera hanging around her neck and the large backpack she seemed to be carrying, Setsuko would’ve probably assumed she’d caught her in the middle of a late day jog.

She must’ve caught her right as she was returning from work or something.

Aragaki gave her a flat look.

“I can see that,” she remarked, cocking her head to the side. “You should consider getting a guide dog. Or maybe recruiting someone to walk you on a leash…”

If it hadn’t been for all the anxious thoughts plaguing her mind, Setsuko would’ve definitely zoned in on the amusing timing of that second comment.

Instead, she mumbled another sheepish apology.

Putting her blunt and somewhat cold attitude aside, Aragaki had actually been unexpectedly nice. Even though she hadn’t seen her be super talkative unless cornered one-on-one, the few interactions they’d had had all been pretty pleasant, or at least inoffensive. And it wasn’t like she’d said anything genuinely mean. On top of that, she seemed relatively smart. With all that in mind…

“In any case, just pay more attention.”

Just as Aragaki turned around to probably power walk away, Setsuko called out to her.

“Uhm, actually… Aragaki-san? If it’s no trouble, could you spare a few minutes of your time?”

Aragaki stopped, and before she’d even turned to look back, Setsuko took a deep bow.

“I have something I’d like some advice on… if that’s okay.”

She heard her let out a sigh.

* * *

It was odd, having Aragaki’s undivided attention for such a long time. She’d gotten used to seeing her glued to her phone no matter where she went, fading out of most conversations if she could help it. This time around, Setsuko had to deal with her silent, yet attentive stare, the cup of coffee she’d ordered still untouched on the table in front of her.

The underwater café’s calming ambiance did help soothe her nerves a tad. She felt quite lucky she’d remembered how close by it was.

She’d done her best to keep some details as vague as she could manage as she briefed Aragaki about the whole situation. ‘A friend of a friend’; that kind of a clumsy cover-up. It was the best she could do, though. She wasn’t all that sure how close she was to Takahashi, especially since she hadn’t really seen them talk, and she wasn’t about to make everything a whole lot worse by starting some kind of a snowball effect where rumors would end up spreading through the entire school.

Despite her best efforts, though, Aragaki caught on with no trouble. As soon as Setsuko was finished talking, she spoke in a deadpan voice, expression flat.

“This is about Takahashi-san, isn’t it?”

She didn’t have the courage or the ability to straight up lie after that; she gave a tiny nod. Aragaki leaned back in her seat, finally picking up her cup to take a long sip.

“I’m sorry… I’m just not really sure what I should do. I’m not… good at this kind of thing. At, uhm… dealing with people, I guess…? And… Takahashi-san is probably my closest friend right now, and I just really don’t want to mess things up between us by accident.”

Aragaki set her cup back down.

“It’s not difficult to imagine why he wouldn’t want to tell you. For me, at least.”

Setsuko blinked.

“What do you mean by that?”

“You just seem really fragile. Like you’d end up upsetting yourself while trying to comfort him, and he’d end up having to console you.”

Aragaki took another sip before she continued.

“Takahashi-san doesn’t like to cause trouble for other people. He’s the type to bottle these things up, especially if it’s something that could put the other person in a difficult spot. He probably doesn’t see you as someone he can confide in, because you give off the impression that you’re someone that has to be protected and helped out and is unable to return that on the same level.”

Each of Aragaki’s words felt like a sharp knife digging into her further and further, especially with the lack of hesitation she delivered them all. Like she hadn’t even needed any time to think. Like the answer had been staring her right in the face all along.

She’d expected her to be at least a little harsh, but this was certainly something else. She felt her stomach turn.

So it really did just come down to Takahashi not trusting her enough in the end. It  _ had _ to. Everything Aragaki said made perfect sense, even if this wasn’t something she wanted to admit at all. Worrying about it was one thing… Having her fears stated to be more than likely true in such a straightforward and matter-of-factly way was something else.

Needless to say, it felt pretty awful.

More than anything, she was feeling an overwhelming amount of guilt. Takahashi had always been incredibly kind and sweet to her from the first day they’d met. Sure, she’d done her best not to constantly shove all her worries at him, but the times she  _ had _ turned to him for comfort and words of wisdom, he’d always be eager to help. And he’d done a great job: encouraging her each time without fail, countering all her pessimistic thoughts with upbeat replies of his own. And the couple times she’d seen him upset, it had always been over something silly and inconsequential like a movie with a sad ending or his favourite comic issue getting lost in his room somewhere, only to be found under his bed sometime later.

He didn’t seem like anything could get him down, not  _ really _ . Like he could take anything the world could throw at him, and no matter what, he would be fine. So she’d never put too much thought into it. She’d always just assumed he was naturally like that and simply had no need to vent his feelings. The possibility that she’d made him feel like he had to force himself to put up a front like that was anything but comforting.

The words tumbled out before she could stop them:

“…I guess I’m a pretty shitty friend, then…”

She felt like she could cry, but she somehow managed to hold the tears back. She’d already put Aragaki through enough, dragging her over here and forcing her to listen to her. She must’ve been tired enough from work already. She couldn’t possibly make her feel like she had to stay any longer.

She sniffled, doing her best to stop her voice from shaking.

“Well, thank you very much for opening my eyes. I doubt I would have picked up on all that on my own. And I’m sorry for taking up your time. You must be pretty busy, so you can-“

“I’d have left already if I had wanted to, if that’s what you’re about to say.”

Aragaki’s voice was just as level-headed as before.

“Normally I don’t like this kind of self-pitying speak, but you seem sincere enough…” she sighed, closing her eyes. The pressure somehow remained even with the broken eye contact. “Besides, you did ask for advice. I haven’t given any yet.”

The next time she set her cup down, it had been emptied.

“You’re going to have to communicate your feelings if you want him to understand. You can’t expect him to be able to read your mind and figure out the problem,” she leaned on one of her hands, the chipped paint on her nails plainly visible. “And neither can he expect you. If you can’t figure something out, it’s not your fault.”

Setsuko hesitated.

“But… what am I supposed to tell him?”

Aragaki’s eyes finally met hers again.

“What  _ do _ you want to tell him?”

Setsuko’s fingers found their way around her scarf.

“I… guess I just want him to feel like he can open up to me. I know I can be difficult at times, but… it’s not like I’m  _ that _ useless, I don’t think. I just… I just don’t want to be the one who’s constantly given things but won’t give anything in return.”

Aragaki nodded.

“Then just say that. Let him know that he’s free to rely on you.”

“…And if he doesn’t believe me?”

“I mean, it’s possible. But what else is there to do?” she popped a leftover cube of sugar into her mouth, crunching on it loudly. “If it doesn’t get through the first time, you just keep trying until it does. It’s that simple.“

She lifted her arms into the air to stretch. Her back popped audibly.

“Plus this is Takahashi-san we’re talking about, so things are bound to work out eventually. He’s just too nice for his own good. You could be the worst person on the planet and he would still forgive you as long as your groveling would be convincing enough.”

Just as how she’d believed her earlier words so easily, she found herself more and more persuaded by the minute. And how could she not? Aragaki seemed like the kind of person who was logical to her core and could read people at least decently well. Quite frankly, it was hard  _ not _ to be swayed by her when she spoke with such conviction and countered all her points with such ease.

Besides, it was difficult to consider she’d try to butter her up after she’d already said quite a few things that most people would have definitely considered to be far too rude and harsh.

She was just so…  _ cool _ . Setsuko would’ve certainly fallen head over heels for her immediately if she hadn’t been so obviously out of her league. And if Chiba’s rant had not still been there, lingering in the back of her mind each time her thoughts wandered in that direction.

“Yeah… I guess you might be right.”

“I’m glad we’re on the same page.”

She got up from her seat. She really hadn’t been lying when she’d said she had no qualms about leaving whenever, huh?

Setsuko quickly got up just so she could perform another bow.

“Thank you very much, Aragaki-san. You’ve really helped me out. If there’s anything I can do-“

“I’ll let you know,” she nodded, shifting her weight from one foot to another. “And you’re welcome.”

Setsuko slowly straightened back up.

“Are you going back to school now?”

“Mhm.”

“Could I… come with you? Uhm, we don’t have to talk or anything if you don’t want to, it’s just- Since we’re both going there, I just thought-“

“I don’t mind,” Aragaki replied simply.

Setsuko breathed a sigh of relief.

“…Your people skills are amazing. I’m so jealous… You’re really good at giving advice as well. You haven’t dabbled in psychology or anything, have you?”

Aragaki’s gaze flickered away for a brief moment.

“Let’s just say I have a lot of personal experience.”

“Oh. That’s fair.”

“…My mom  _ is _ a psychologist, though.”

“Wait, really?”

“Yes,” her eyes drifted lower as she seemingly examined her from head to toe, “though she mainly deals with children, so you’re a bit out of her range. Maybe if we shrunk you down a bit.”

“T-there’s really no need for that…!”

“I’m joking.”

“I know!”

“God, you’re… a handful.”

“…Or so I’ve been told.”

Aragaki adjusted her backpack.

“Just so you know… If you fall behind, I’m not waiting for you.”

Setsuko nodded several times.

“That’s fine. I’ll be fuelled by determination.”

* * *

**taka b miya** Today at 9:11 PM   
**@stan ayano** did u tell ur mom my number

**stan ayano (nerd)** Today at 9:11 PM   
no????? wtf

**stan ayano (nerd)** Today at 9:11 PM   
why would i ever do that

**taka b miya** Today at 9:11 PM   
i thought so

**taka b miya** Today at 9:11 PM   
but idk how she got it then

**stan ayano (nerd)** Today at 9:11 PM   
is she texting you???????

**taka b miya** Today at 9:11 PM   
calling

**lil pika (the good one)** Today at 9:11 PM   
WHA

**lil pika (the good one)** Today at 9:11 PM   
T

**taka b miya** Today at 9:12 PM   
welcome to hellworld

**lil pika (the good one)** Today at 9:12 PM   
hi

**lil pika (the good one)** Today at 9:12 PM   
wtf is going on

**stan ayano (nerd)** Today at 9:12 PM   
i forgot you pick up unknown numbers

**taka b miya** Today at 9:12 PM   
chiba-kuns mom has been blowing up my phone all day its rlly weird

**taka b miya** Today at 9:12 PM   
lmao you will too once u have a job loser

**lil pika (the good one)** Today at 9:12 PM   
D:

**stan ayano (nerd)** Today at 9:12 PM   
ugh

**stan ayano (nerd)** Today at 9:12 PM   
i want die

**stan ayano (nerd)** Today at 9:12 PM   
why havent you blocked her

**taka b miya** Today at 9:12 PM   
i could

**taka b miya** Today at 9:12 PM   
ive been having a bit too much fun fucking w her

**taka b miya** Today at 9:13 PM   
i love posh ppl lmao they try and fail so hard to hide when theyre pissed off

**stan ayano (nerd)** Today at 9:13 PM   
oh my god

**lil pika (the good one)** Today at 9:13 PM   
omg

**taka b miya** Today at 9:13 PM   
would u prefer i blocked her

**stan ayano (nerd)** Today at 9:13 PM   
no its ok

**stan ayano (nerd)** Today at 9:13 PM   
i dont rlly care as long as u dont drag me into it

**taka b miya** Today at 9:13 PM   
dw ur safe

**lil pika (the good one)** Today at 9:13 PM   
do you think she got it like through your job or smth

**taka b miya** Today at 9:13 PM   
what how

**lil pika (the good one)** Today at 9:13 PM   
idk

**lil pika (the good one)** Today at 9:13 PM   
you know i dont rlly know how these things work :(

**taka b miya** Today at 9:14 PM   
i rlly dont think any producer would just give my phone number out to some random lady like that

**taka b miya** Today at 9:14 PM   
would they????

**taka b miya** Today at 9:14 PM   
fuck im paranoid now

**stan ayano (nerd)** Today at 9:14 PM   
can we just please not talk abt this rn im gonna lose my mind if i cant sleep later bc of this

**taka b miya** Today at 9:14 PM   
oh yeah rip sorry

**lil pika (the good one)** Today at 9:14 PM   
sorry!!

**lil pika (the good one)** Today at 9:14 PM   
we can take it to dms

**stan ayano (nerd)** Today at 9:14 PM   
ty <3  _ (edited) _

**stan ayano (nerd)** Today at 9:14 PM   
FUCK

**lil pika (the good one)** Today at 9:14 PM   
<4

**taka b miya** Today at 9:14 PM   
<4

**stan ayano (nerd)** Today at 9:15 PM   
hate it here

**stan ayano (nerd)** Today at 9:15 PM   
anyway taka have you figured out if ur coming yet

**taka b miya** Today at 9:15 PM   
idk

**taka b miya** Today at 9:15 PM   
theres like 2 more days calm ur ass

**lil pika (the good one)** Today at 9:15 PM   
u should!! itll be fun :D

**lil pika (the good one)** Today at 9:15 PM   
also free food

**lil pika (the good one)** Today at 9:15 PM   
brrrrb pizzas here

**taka b miya** Today at 9:15 PM   
tempting

**stan ayano (nerd)** Today at 9:15 PM   
come hang out w us do it do it do it

**stan ayano (nerd)** Today at 9:15 PM   
when was the last time uve gone out to have fun somewhere

**taka b miya** Today at 9:16 PM   
idk

**stan ayano (nerd)** Today at 9:16 PM   
just think of it like taking ur vitamins

**stan ayano (nerd)** Today at 9:16 PM   
or meds ig in your case

**stan ayano (nerd)** Today at 9:16 PM   
youll just get a nice dose of socialising and then you can go back to hermit crabbing for a while

**stan ayano (nerd)** Today at 9:16 PM   
youve been rlly cranky later itd prolly help a lot

**taka b miya** Today at 9:16 PM   
man

**taka b miya** Today at 9:16 PM   
can you like

**taka b miya** Today at 9:21 PM   
can we just not go into this rn

**taka b miya** Today at 9:21 PM   
im not in the mood

**stan ayano (nerd)** Today at 9:21 PM   
exhibit a

**taka b miya** Today at 9:21 PM   
:/

**stan ayano (nerd)** Today at 9:21 PM   
o

**stan ayano (nerd)** Today at 9:21 PM   
OH NO SORRY SDLKSLD DID THAT ACTUALLY ANNOY YOU

**taka b miya** Today at 9:21 PM   
kinda smh

**stan ayano (nerd)** Today at 9:21 PM   
LDSLDSKDJSK

**stan ayano (nerd)** Today at 9:22 PM   
sorry dude i was just talking shit like usually

**taka b miya** Today at 9:22 PM   
yea ik

**taka b miya** Today at 9:22 PM   
ur fine all g

**lil pika (the good one)** Today at 9:28 PM   
i leave for 10 minutes

**lil pika (the good one)** Today at 9:28 PM   
you guys

**taka b miya** Today at 9:29 PM   
im innocent

**taka b miya** Today at 9:29 PM   
welcome back mwah mwah

**stan ayano (nerd)** Today at 9:29 PM   
WERE GOOD SMH NOTHING HAPPENED

**lil pika (the good one)** Today at 9:29 PM   
>:0

**stan ayano (nerd)** Today at 9:29 PM   
btw completely unrelated but has anybody seen my packer

**taka b miya** Today at 9:29 PM   
which one

**lil pika (the good one)** Today at 9:29 PM   
omg i havent

**stan ayano (nerd)** Today at 9:30 PM   
the one im not about to bonk you with

**taka b miya** Today at 9:30 PM   
i ate it sorry

**stan ayano (nerd)** Today at 9:30 PM   
gay

**taka b miya** Today at 9:30 PM   
uhh yeah i sure hope it does

**lil pika (the good one)** Today at 9:30 PM   
:0 vore

**stan ayano (nerd)** Today at 9:30 PM   
i hate it here i hate both of you so much

**lil pika (the good one)** Today at 9:30 PM   
omg do you think minamoto took it???

**stan ayano (nerd)** Today at 9:30 PM   
GOD I HOPE NOT

**taka b miya** Today at 9:31 PM   
ur mom stole it  _ (deleted) _

**stan ayano (nerd)** Today at 9:31 PM   
WOULD YOU STFU ABOUT MY MOM

**stan ayano (nerd)** Today at 9:32 PM   
oh my god

**stan ayano (nerd)** Today at 9:32 PM   
ok that last part was a joke you didnt need to delete it asjkhakjhsak

**taka b miya** Today at 9:32 PM   
oh

**taka b miya** Today at 9:32 PM   
oops

**taka b miya** Today at 9:32 PM   
you should put out like a missing poster of it

**lil pika (the good one)** Today at 9:33 PM   
“HAS ANYBODY SEEN MY PENIS”

**stan ayano (nerd)** Today at 9:33 PM   
ASHJSAHJKASHKJAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**lil pika (the good one)** Today at 9:33 PM   
it just grew legs and walked off into the sunset

**lil pika (the good one)** Today at 9:33 PM   
looking for a better host

**taka b miya** Today at 9:33 PM   
SLSKDSKSK

**lil pika (the good one)** Today at 9:33 PM   
remember the symbiote from spiderman

**taka b miya** Today at 9:33 PM   
yuzu-niis got a tentacle dick

**stan ayano (nerd)** Today at 9:33 PM   
sentences that kill you in one shot


	14. Marigold

_ “Hey, uhm… so… I heard you guys were talking about going to karaoke earlier… I was wondering if you’d mind if I came with?” _

_ “Oh- I’m so sorry, Minamoto-san, but… we’re already pretty full, haha…” _

_ “O-oh, is that so…? Maybe next time, then?” _

_ “Actually… we don’t really know when we’ll be going out next, sorry.” _

_ “T-that’s okay, I’m sorry if I was being a bother…” _

_ “Oh no, not at all! But you know how it is… We’re all pretty busy with exams and stuff.” _

_ “Yeah, I get it.” _

_ “Yeah!” _

_ “Uhm… Could you at least let me know if you have a free spot sometime?” _

_ “Well, if it ends up happening, sure! I’ll let you know, don’t worry.” _

_ … _

_ They never did. _

_ But nobody ever does anyway, so you suppose you weren’t all that torn up about it. _

_ It took you about 3 months to stop asking. _

* * *

She’d never visited a haunted house before. Takahashi was quite scared of them, and, seeing as how she’d had no other friends for a pretty long time, she hadn’t had anybody else she could’ve invited to go with her. And the idea of going alone just sounded sad… Besides, it wasn’t like she had been that eager to experience one to begin with, so she hadn’t viewed it as much of a loss. Maybe that was why she was one of the few people who didn’t react much when the announcement had been made about what today’s task would be.

She hadn’t really gotten to talk to Takahashi yet. It had only been a day; it should’ve been a given it would take her longer to work up the courage for it. She wasn’t even sure if he would’ve been willing to talk at all, so she’d simply stared at him from afar instead until Hayama had asked her why she was being so creepy. That was the point she’d figured she’d be better off either just texting him sometime later or catching him in the hallway instead of possibly freaking him out and making him wonder what he’d done wrong.

She herself was feeling considerably better, at the very least. She’d actually gotten to have breakfast this morning –  _ thank you, Chiba-san  _ –, and she wasn’t nearly as tense as she probably could have been. Her legs weren’t even shaking for once, which was definitely a first.

The only thing she wasn’t at all looking forward to might have been having to migrate back to the main building in the heavy rain that had started once they’d already all arrived at the gym.

“Well then… Are all our bewitchingly adorable contestants ready?”

Something also seemed to be going on with Kobayashi. Obviously she hadn’t had the gall to ask about it, but she’d caught a glimpse of her being berated by the producer this morning. After the man had left her alone, she’d lit a cigarette with the crankiest expression, muttering something under her breath that Setsuko hadn’t been able to quite make out.

It was probably just normal behind the scenes drama. She doubted it was anything  _ she _ would’ve had to worry about. It did make her wonder, though.

Patiently standing in line into the spot she’d been steered to, she flinched as someone bumped into her from behind.

“Shorry…” Hanamiya’s apology was interrupted by a yawn.

He, on the other hand, didn’t seem to be doing too great. Unlike before, when he’d somehow been able to maintain a decently friendly and cheerful aura in this kind of situation, he looked like he was ready to fall asleep standing up. His glasses sat crooked on his face, the dark circles under his eyes still visible underneath the makeup.

“It’s okay… Are, uh… Are you alright? Did you not get enough sleep last night?”

She couldn’t recall him making too much noise, and she was fairly sure she’d seen him asleep in the beanbag in the common room before she’d gone to sleep. Had he been woken up?

“Mmm… Kinda.”

“Are you going to be okay…?”

He rubbed his eyes with a frown.

“I should be the one asking you that.”

_ Fair enough.  _ After Monday, she couldn’t really argue with that. Seeing as how it was almost her turn as well, she only gave him a pair of thumbs up as a response before she did her best to focus on the task again.

From what she understood, the goal was to travel through the long, tent-like labyrinth that had been set up and find the exit in the least amount of time. She  _ had _ heard a couple muffled screams from people who had gone inside before her, so she assumed it must have been at least moderately scary. She’d never been that afraid of horror movies, though, beyond being easy to startle. She was far more worried that she’d trip over her own feet and somehow crash the entire structure.

Once she stepped inside, she was immediately enveloped by darkness, the space around her only illuminated dimly by the lights lined up along the walls.  _ Figures. _ She supposed she was going to have to be extra careful. She didn’t have much faith in her directional skills, so she was mostly just hoping she’d be able to get through it through sheer luck and nothing else.

If she’d had been allowed to bring any of her notebooks, she may have attempted to draw a map. The cobwebs, mannequin body parts and chains hanging off the walls would’ve served as excellent landmarks.

She almost screamed when someone jumped out at her at one of her first corners. At first, she’d assumed it must’ve been staff, at least until they stepped into the way of one of the lights. Doubled over, Kageyama was snickering with his hands on his knees.

Setsuko stomped one of her feet.

“Not funny!”

He managed to form an apology between laughs, though he didn’t exactly seem like he was sorry.

“Why were you waiting around here anyway? Don’t you have a job to do?” she pouted, crossing her arms. He grinned.

“Well, yeah, but this kinda stuff’s easy-peasy. Might as well have some fun with it, y’know?”

“You won’t be laughing once you’ve ended up last.”

“Never lost at a maze before,” he placed his hands on his hips. “Ain’t scared of your threats, buster.”

“’ _ Buster _ ’…” she snickered, shaking her head. She gave him a firm shove. “Well, I need you out of my way, funnyman. Accost your boyfriend or something. He should be in soon, I’m pretty sure.”

“Eehh…” he slipped his hands into his pockets. “No can do. Can’t scare Taka.”

“What, is he just that stoic?”

“Nah, he’s more of a chicken than me. It’s just, like, not cool.”

“Huh?”

He seemed to be shuffling with his feet.

“Dunno if he’d mind me explainin’… Sorry, man.”

It couldn’t have been part of why he was in such bad shape today, could it…?

“Hm,” she paused, “is that the actual reason you’ve been waiting around here?”

“Eh?”

“Are you going to escort him? Like… a bodyguard.”

“Man, you made that sound a lot cooler,” he laughed. “Kinda. I guess.”

“Are you guys seriously chit-chatting like that in the middle of this whole thing?”

_ Speak of the devil. _

Kageyama promptly hooked an arm around Hanamiya’s neck as soon as he popped up, seemingly out of nowhere. Hanamiya made no attempts to object.

“Taka!”

“Hi. Shouldn’t you have gone ahead already?”

“Oh, it’s fine. There’s plenty of time left.”

“Right… I forgot you can just bullshit these kinds of things with your whole third eye shtick.”

“Bingo!” Kageyama flashed a finger gun.

“In that case, carry me- Not  _ literally _ , you dolt,” he bopped him on the head lightly, thwarting his efforts to lift him into the air. Kageyama snapped his fingers.

“Ohh, I get.”

Setsuko was kind of starting to feel like a third wheel. She took a step back.

“Well, you guys have fun. I’ll be waiting for you at the exit.”

“Oh, we’ll see about that,” Kageyama pointed at her like he was issuing a challenge.

She didn’t care much about winning, but she at least had to get there before these two now.

* * *

Needless to say, she had not been happy to discover that both of them had somehow made it outside before she had. Even once she’d found her way back to the dorm after classes, she hadn’t stopped complaining. Chiba nodded along with a serious expression the whole time, like he understood. He patted her on the shoulder periodically.

Maybe Kageyama’s title as the Ultimate Lucky Student genuinely was the real deal. How else could they explain him getting so damn lucky?

At the very least, things weren’t as awkward between her and Takahashi as they could’ve been. Once she’d spotted him staggering outside, all ashen and weak, she’d done her best to reassure him he’d done good, even if he’d had quite possibly the slowest time out of everyone. She hadn’t thought he’d get quite so shaken up by the props and mechanical jumpscares. He’d given her a weak smile before he’d collapsed onto the nearest chair, and the two of them spent the rest of the wait making small talk.

They could at least talk like normal, relatively speaking, which was definitely a relief. She decided to spare him for the rest of the day for now and act as though nothing was wrong out of respect for the ordeal he’d just gone through.

Aside from him, it seemed like the other people performing on Monday would be Akiyama, Fujinomiya and Sakurauchi… All people who’d already had their turn before; she supposed this kind of thing was bound to happen eventually. She was just glad she’d get to kick back and relax for now.

The party she’d been invited to was supposed to go down tomorrow. She hadn’t been sure whether or not she would want to go for it, but she was definitely feeling up to it now. She supposed she ought to text Chiba or Kageyama about it if she wanted to snag herself a ride.

Her father’s letter for this week was still absent. She shook her head; he was probably just busy. Nothing unusual. There was no use getting upset over something that couldn’t be helped.

She busied herself with studying for the rest of the day.

* * *

**I Am Damaged** Today at 5:16 PM   
**20201224_114256.jpg**

**tamatama (momo)** Today at 5:16 PM   
AW

**tamatama (momo)** Today at 5:16 PM   
PUPPY

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 5:17 PM   
puppy

**I Am Damaged** Today at 5:17 PM   
Saw it on a walk earlier

**tamatama (momo)** Today at 5:17 PM   
Ty my day has been improved immensely

**I Am Damaged** Today at 5:17 PM   
Ur welcome

**I Am Damaged** Today at 5:18 PM   
Btw do you wanna do karaoke again this weekend

**tamatama (momo)** Today at 5:18 PM   
Not this time sorry :> i think im gonna be p toast after the party tomorrow

**I Am Damaged** Today at 5:18 PM   
Oh

**I Am Damaged** Today at 5:18 PM   
Some other time then?

**tamatama (momo)** Today at 5:18 PM   
Yee sure

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 5:19 PM   
ill pass but you guys have fun

**tamatama (momo)** Today at 5:19 PM   
Ty

**I Am Damaged** Today at 5:19 PM   
Ok

* * *

She’d seen plenty of parties in movies. They were always loud, with ear-piercing music, people nonstop dancing and drinking and couples making out in the corners. So despite everything Kageyama and Chiba had done to reassure her this one wasn’t going to be like that, she still ended up extremely surprised when they’d been dropped off at a literal mansion and were ushered inside by a well-dressed butler.

Hanamiya ended up staying home, possibly to recover from whatever ailment he seemed to be suffering from. She hadn’t asked. Not because she’d been too nervous, for once, but because each time she’d run into him, he’d been passed out in a different spot in the dormitory somewhere, and she hadn’t felt it right to wake him.

_ Ah well. _ He couldn’t have been in that bad of a shape, if his two friends weren’t panicking about it.

She had no idea who the host was supposed to be, but according to the other two, it didn’t matter.

The inside was much quieter than she’d expected. The hallways were practically silent, save for the areas where a small group had decided to huddle together with food and drinks, chattering away. With how huge the place was, she couldn’t imagine enough people would arrive at any point to fill it up completely. Kageyama really hadn’t been exaggerating.

The main hall was where most of the guests had decided to gather, with some pop music playing over the speakers, though thankfully not even close to deafening. Nobody was suited up either, like the butler had made her fear they were all supposed to be. Pretty much everyone she could see was dressed fairly casually. She could see Komatsu in one of the corners, a bottle of liquor in one hand, a half-filled glass in the other. At one of the tables, Sakurauchi seemed to be downing shots one after the other like it was no effort at all, with Tsutsui clapping and laughing, clinging to Hayama’s arm. Nakajima was present, surprisingly, quietly sipping a drink of his own not too far from the girls. Natsume also seemed to be around, munching away on some sushi, though his snake was absent as far as she could tell.

She wondered if she’d run into Takahashi at all. She hadn’t had the chance to ask him if he’d be coming. She definitely couldn’t see him anywhere in here…

“I’ll be at karaoke if any of you need me,” Chiba announced. He high fived Kageyama, then offered a hand for Setsuko to follow suit; her eyes lit up, and she returned it.

He sauntered off towards the karaoke station that had been set up like he’d been waiting to use it all day long.

“He always goes for that first,” Kageyama snickered.

His brightly colored Hawaiian shirt must have been made of some kind of a reflective material, because he was getting harder and harder to look at with the lights shining off of it.

“You?”

It took her a moment to realise he must have been asking about her plans.  _ How considerate… _ Despite the slightly rocky start they’d had with his clueless attitude, it did seem like he cared about making her feel comfortable. Maybe Chiba’s lectures were finally starting to pay off… or maybe he’d just started to get used to how she did things.

_ Who knows. _

Either way, she appreciated the question.

“Uhh… I haven’t really thought about it,” she admitted somewhat shyly.

“Oh, that’s cool. You can always just vibe around and see what everyone else’s up to,” he winked at her. “Want me to come with?”

“It’s okay, I think I’ll manage. But thank you.”

“Hell yeah. Come find me if you get bored ‘n’ I’ll whip out a party game you can join in. For now,” he gestured over to the tables stacked with food, “I’ll be over there. Can’t get this kinda fancy food for free anywhere else, man…”

The food _ did _ look pretty tempting, she had to admit.

“Yeah, okay. I think I’ll just… look around for now, maybe.”

“Aight. See ya!”

Just like that, he was off.

He must’ve been pretty used to these things. He seemed like the kind of guy that would get invited to parties a  _ lot _ . She definitely felt a bit envious.

She wondered if Hanamiya was ever jealous of him for that. Probably not… He seemed to be able to handle social interaction just fine. He more than likely just didn’t like it much. Maybe he’d just gotten burnt out from interacting with people so much because of filming, and that was why he’d seemed so sick and tired. She wondered if he’d be mad if she told him she could kind of sympathize.

Her gaze strayed towards the bottles of alcohol that were lined up near the back, and she felt herself freeze up.

_ You’re underage _ , Chiba and Yokoyama’s voices echoed in her head simultaneously. She definitely wasn’t supposed to touch that.

At the same time… it wasn’t like there was anybody around who could get her into trouble. The few people who knew her age seemed to be pretty busy doing their own thing for now, and nobody was standing guard asking for people’s IDs before letting them have alcohol. And… besides, the week was pretty much over already. Even if she somehow managed to get herself sick – which she definitely wouldn’t; she would do her best to be careful –, she could just spend the weekend recovering and she’d be all fresh by the time classes rolled around again.

Yes… It was a foolproof plan.

Her hands had already gotten all sweaty from the nerves; she wiped them on her skirt.

She would probably be fine. What was the worst thing that could happen? She wasn’t allergic to alcohol. She wasn’t going to  _ die _ .

She jumped as someone’s voice she recognised came from the karaoke section, passionately belting out a song by an idol she’d heard somewhere before. A laugh escaped from her throat.

God, Chiba was an absolutely horrendous singer.

* * *

“Oh, Yokoyama-han… Evenin’.”

“Evening, Keiji-kun. I… thought we agreed just Hideki is fine, though.”

“Ah… shit. Sorry. Brain still in work mode. Got off my shift just now.”

“Haha… Yeah, I can imagine.”

_ Shift. _

“Is Hiromi still busy? She mentioned she’d be kind of occupied for a while, so I’ve been trying not to bother her too much, but…”

“Oh yeah. She’s drownin’ in work. Took over most of the chores for her so she can at least focus ‘n’ shit, but she’s got her hands pretty full.”

“Ah… Is that still in relation to the school?”

“Yeah. Bit beyond my expertise, though, so I haven’t really asked about it much. All them scary, big words fly straight over my head.”

“Oh, gosh…”

“Y’know, though, I doubt she’d mind a quick call or somethin’. Not from you anyway.”

“Hm…”

_ Shift, shift, shift. _

“Are you sure…? I mean, she’s working on something pretty important to her…”

“Yeah, and? Y’think she’s got no need to take breaks at any point?”

_ Pat, pat. _

“Ya really gotta man up more, my guy.”

“H-hey, I’m plenty man enough! Or… at least I think so, anyway. I’m just trying to be considerate. You know things are still a bit… awkward between us.”

_ Tap, tap, tap. _

“I just… I don’t really know how to talk to her sometimes, you know? It feels like she has her life together way better than I do. I’d just like to be able to be, like… the cool older brother for once. Not the freaking ex-convi- Can you stop patting me?”

_ Snort. _

“My bad.”

“Good grief… You really ought to be more respectful to your elders.”

“Hey, man, if ya want it so bad, why don’t ya try to earn it a li’l harder?”

_ Sigh. _

“But also, like… I woulda thought you’d have gotten it through your head by now.”

“Huh?”

“That Hiromin’s got her priorities straight. She ain’t gonna badmouth ya for that.”

…

“Her whole performance was about ya, man, didn’t ya watch that?”

“Wait, it was? N-no, I did see it, it’s just…”

“…Seriously? God, ya can be thick as all hell sometimes.”

“L-look- Do you see what I mean? There’s just a communication gap, alright?”

“Mhm…”

“Why are you looking at me like that-?”

“Ya guys really oughta sit down ‘n’ have a proper chat sometime. You’re givin’ me a migraine here…”

“…Probably. I  _ will _ try to talk to her about it… eventually.”

“Heh…”

“N-no, I mean it! I just have to prepare myself mentally.”

“Push it off as long as ya want, man, it ain’t gonna get any easier.”

“Hey, you’re one to talk about pushing things off.”

“Mm?”

“Don’t think I don’t remember how you said you were going to drop out. Whatever happened to that, huh?”

_ Shift. _

“Oh, uh… y’know. Figured I may as well stick around for now. Free advertisin’ ‘n’ all that. My parents’re gonna be rollin’ in money.”

“So you’re doing it for your parents’ sake.”

_ Shrug. _

“Oh no, you’re not going to start evading my questions now. This is payback.”

“Goddammit…”

“I highly doubt your parents’ 5 star restaurant needs any more of a boost, Keiji-kun.”

“It ain’t gonna hurt, though.”

“Yeah, but… don’t you have your studies to be focusing on? It’s still going to be taking up a large chunk of your time.”

“Eeh… It ain’t that big a deal. What’s with the serious tone?”

“Because I’m starting to notice a pattern here. You were just as wishy-washy about signing up for college…”

“Hey, now-“

“…and I just can’t help but be worried. Haven’t you found something you’re passionate about?”

…

“I mean… I like bartendin’. Place’s pretty lowkey… Boss’s chill enough… Pay’s great too.”

“Well… that’s good. What’s the problem, then?”

“Man, you really ain’t gonna quit until ya drag it outta me, are ya…?”

“Nope.”

“Bastard.”

_ Shove. _

“I dunno, it just kinda feels like I’m disappointin’ my parents ‘n’ shit.”

“In what way?”

“Like, y’know… they sent me off here to get all smart ‘n’ shit, ‘n’ I’m over here gettin’ cozy with my part-time job, pushin’ off graduatin’. Figured… I might as well slap this shit on as well. At least it makes me look like I’m getting somethin’ done.”

“Wow.”

“What?”

“You’re doing better than I am. What makes you think your parents would be disappointed in you?”

…

“You have your own place, a job that you seem to actually enjoy, friends you can spend time with, and a lovely girlfriend you’ll be marrying soon. If you were my kid, I’d feel pretty darn proud. Don’t undersell yourself.”

“You’re really suckin’ my-“

“I’m just being honest.”

“Hm.”

…

“I’m glad it’s nothing serious, at least. I was getting a bit concerned that you’ve gotten mixed up in something.”

“Like?”

“Eeh… I’d rather not say. Old habit.”

“Shit, man.”

_ Laugh. _

“Well, don’t let me hold you up any longer. I’d imagine you must have somewhere to be, all packed up like that.”

“Huh? Nah, just gonna chill at a party for a bit. Bringin’ some extra booze in case they’ve run out.”

“I see. Have fun out there.”

“Thanks, man.”

_ Ruffle ruffle. _

“And work on your manners a bit! I’m still older than you.”

_ Sigh. _

…

“Akagi-san… Some shochu please?”

* * *

Her legs were incredibly wobbly. It wasn’t from nerves, though. If anything, she was feeling much lighter than before, giggles bubbling up one after another as she stumbled across the room. It was as though all her worries had melted away completely in the last hour or so. What had she even been so nervous about? It didn’t matter.

Why was it so hot in here? Right… She was still dressed up in her usual sweaters. She absentmindedly pulled one of them over her head, then another, thoughtlessly discarding them both on the closest chair. Her bangs stuck to her forehead damply, and the sweat dripping down her neck had only gotten worse over the night.  _ Gross, _ she snickered to herself.

She shrieked as she tripped into someone’s arms, narrowly faceplanting right into their chest.

“Oh, god… Not my problem…  _ Not my problem… _ ”

She recognised the voice. She recognised it, but her brain just wasn’t working properly. It felt like her head had been filled with some kind of a fog, her thoughts all slow and sluggish.

A pair of hands grabbed her by the shoulders firmly, helping her regain her balance once again and holding her in place. It took her quite a few seconds to recognise the fact that her glasses were about to slip off her face was the reason why the girl in front of her seemed to be made up of just a blur of colors.

With an unsteady hand, Setsuko pushed her glasses back up, smacking them into her face a bit too hard in the process.

_ Ow. _

The dark complexion, the half-shaved haircut, the one visible tired eye… It finally clicked.

“Ko- Komatsu-san.”

Komatsu hesitated, eyeing her up for a couple seconds with an expression Setsuko couldn’t quite read into. A moment later, she breathed a sigh.

“The one and only. You been drinkin’?”

“Eehehe… Just a little.”

As she wobbled on her feet, Komatsu grabbed her again. They were standing so close to each other, she could smell her breath. She reeked of alcohol; she could vaguely recall having seen her drink earlier, so it made sense.

It didn’t even occur to her that her breath was probably just as bad.

There was something else mixed in too… Cigarette smoke, maybe, alongside the faintest hint of perfume.

“You’re not gonna snitch on me to-“

“Considering I’d rather not babysit you…”

“Nu uh! I don’t need you to… to… w-watch over me like I’m some kind of-“

“Hush.”

Her grip was firm enough that there was no way for her to wiggle out of it. Not that that stopped her from trying.

“Nooooo…”

“Ugh, would you settle down? I just don’t want you doin’ anythin’ stupid.”

“I won’t! Besides, aren’t you also-“

“Not yet. Just kinda tipsy.”

“I’m kinda tipsy too!”

“Oi, Kazu!”

Kageyama appeared out of seemingly nowhere, grinning from ear to ear, face visibly flushed. He seemed to be swaying on his feet ever so slightly.

“Sup?”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake… Wasted already? Couldn’t even wait for me?”

“Haha… My bad? You need me for somethin’?”

“Never mind,” Komatsu shoved him back into the crowd.

Setsuko continued giggling as she was dragged all around the room, noting with increasingly ecstatic cheers that Komatsu was quickly running out of options. Thank the heavens Yokoyama wasn’t around. She couldn’t believe she’d waited so long to try alcohol before; this was so fun!

She almost crashed into Komatsu as she came to her next stop.

“Well… Guess I’m outta options,” she pursed her lips.

Despite the cigarette smoke and liquor and all, Setsuko’s eyes were finding themselves oddly drawn to her lips. Then a little lower, to her prominent collarbone, her piercings glittering from the lights. To her low cut top, revealing both her cleavage and her pierced belly button. To her wide hips, to the strip of skin visible between her shorts and her stockings…

“Heehehe… Komatsu-san, you’re, like, hot?”

The words had tumbled out without thinking. She hadn’t even realised what she’d said until after Komatsu had rolled her eyes.

“Tell me somethin’ I don’t know.”

Strangely enough, she couldn’t find it in herself to feel flustered. She could only giggle.

“Can we-“

“No.”

“I wasn’t done yet!”

“Not interested.”

“Eeehh, why not?”

Komatsu looked her over.

“Bit too young for me, pettan.”

Setsuko pouted.

“Noo, I have a name!”

“Like most people out there.”

“Noooo!”

She began shaking Komatsu by the shoulders weakly; she thought she saw her suppress a split-second smile.

“It’s Minamoto! Mi-na-mo-to! Minamoto Setsuko!”

“Charmed. From which circus?”

It definitely took her much longer to realise than it should’ve that that hadn’t been a genuine question. Then she thought for a couple more moments, attempting to come up with some sort of a comeback. Nothing.

She let out a strangled whine. Komatsu laughed for the first time. Then something lit up in her eye; she snatched someone out of the group of people passing by, holding them by the forearm before they could escape.

“Rinrin!”

Natsume tilted his head.

“Ah, Komatsu-san… Are my services needed?”

He then looked to Setsuko. Then back at Komatsu. Then back again, his brows furrowing softly.

He lifted a hand to rub his chin.

“Minamoto-san wouldn’t happen to be drunk, would she? I was unaware she was of age.”

“Oh, she’ll be fine,” Komatsu waved a hand; she leaned on one of his shoulders. “Just, like, watch over her so she doesn’t break anythin’. Make sure she has a glass of water between every drink. You can do that much, hm?”

“Well, yes, but-“

“Great! I’ve got a date with my leftovers,” she promptly shoved Setsuko into his arms, flashing a pair of finger guns after, “so if you’ll ‘scuse me…”

Before Natsume even had the chance to refuse, she’d already scuttled off towards the seat she’d been lounging around in before.

Natsume breathed a heavy sigh.

“Oh dear…”

* * *

“Well, if it ain’t Izumin-kun. The hell’re ya doin’ out here, creepin’ around like that?”

“Eek-“

“Y’know the front door’s open.”

“Y-yeah, I know!”

“So? Why’re ya over here, then, hidin’ in the fuckin’ bushes? You’re gonna get all wet…”

“Why do you wanna know, huh? What’s it to you?”

…

“Feelin’ lonely, huh?”

“I’m not!”

“And too much of a pussy to just walk in, eh?”

“N-no…!”

“Then?”

“Shut up! I’m just… It’s not like I wanna go in there or anything, I’m just- just- j-just waiting for Momo-san, that’s all! I don’t care about some… stupid party.”

“Y’know ya don’t need an invite or anything, right…?”

“O-oh yeah? Well, I don’t wanna go anyway, so that doesn’t matter to me.”

“Uh huh…”

_ Snort. _

“Have fun becomin’ one with the greenery, I guess…”

“Why, thank you, I will!”

“By the way, there’s a spider on your shoulder.”

_ Shriek. _

* * *

“Eeeuughh… I want death…”

Natsume crouched by her as she lay on the carpet, patiently rubbing her back. The position she’d ended up in was  _ extremely _ uncomfortable, but she also couldn’t bring herself to move. She wanted to crawl up into a ball and become one with the floor, with the way her stomach was wrestling with her. Despite how quiet the hallway was, the muffled music from inside was still greatly disturbing her.

“I did not think a hangover would hit you so fast, I’ll be honest… You must have an impressive metabolism, Minamoto-san.”

“Is that supposed to be comforting…?”

“I suppose not. Do you still have a headache?”

“Kind of…? It’s not as bad as before, though…”

“That’s good. I don’t suppose you’d be willing to indulge in some more water, would you? I’m certain it would freshen you up more.”

“Maybe, but I doubt I’d be able to get anything down right now…”

“Once your stomach settles down a bit more, then.”

“When is that supposed to be again…?”

“I really have no way of knowing. You are the only one who knows how much alcohol you’ve consumed.”

“I really didn’t think it was a lot…! I just had, like… a couple shots, because it was pretty gross.”

“You are probably just lightweight. At least I hope this experience will have taught you to be more careful the next time.”

She groaned.

“If this is what I’ll have to deal with every time, I’d rather just never drink again.”

Natsume hummed softly.

“I will admit I abstain from drinking for this very reason… but I do think this is mostly on you this time around. You really should have listened to Komatsu-san when she’d told you to be careful.”

“She’d offered me weed before! I doubt she actually cared…”

“And it would have been much safer for you. I see no contradictions here.”

“What, are you the resident weed expert now?”

“I would not label myself as such, but I do have plenty of medical experience. Besides… Komatsu-san does deal with drugs and such a fair bit. She more than likely knows what she’s doing. You have not forgotten her title, have you?”

“Ultimate… uh…”

“Pharmacist.”

_ Ugh, _ he was right. She couldn’t believe she’d forgotten.

“…Shut up…”

“Dear me… You really do have an attitude when you’re sick, huh…”

Despite all her complaining, Natsume’s voice was actually very soothing to listen to. First him offering to be her pair, then the earring, and now this… She might have assumed he had a thing for her if she also wasn’t aware by now how much of a stupid assumption that would be. Still, he really did seem to be a genuinely good person.

“…Natsume-san.”

“Yes?”

“Is there anything I could do for you?”

Natsume went quiet for a moment.

“As in, at this moment in time…?”

“N-no, obviously not- I just mean, like… you’re always so nice and stuff, I feel kind of bad… I don’t want to be taking advantage of you or anything.”

Natsume slowly exhaled.

“Is this similar as to why you had returned the gift I had given you at all?”

“Uhh, kind of…?”

“I’m afraid I do not understand. I apologise.”

She frowned.

“You’re just too nice.”

“Why, thank you. I-“

“N-no, that’s not what I meant!”

She was finally starting to feel like she could maybe at least sit up; she pushed herself up so she could face him properly.

“Doesn’t it feel unfair? Constantly being the one who’s lending a hand to everyone else and all… and giving them gifts and stuff… Someone might want to take advantage of you sooner or later, you know.”

It wasn’t just Natsume that she felt this way about. Takahashi too… And Chiba. And Kageyama, Tsutsui, Hayama. Maybe even Hanamiya a little, despite how little she’d disturbed him. Komatsu too, just now… And everyone else, really. Everyone had been so nice to her, but she’d hardly had the chance to give anything back.

It wasn’t fair. They should’ve been far stricter with her. They should’ve told her to pull her weight more, they should’ve-

“I can’t say I mind, no,” Natsume flashed a polite smile. He looked so composed and tranquil, sitting with his legs folded up underneath him, almost like he was meditating or something… His glasses sparkled in the light of the moon shining in through the windows.

“You have an odd sense of kindness and friendship, Minamoto-san. I do enjoy performing favors for others, I’ll have you know. If someone is in need, it’s only natural to want to help them.”

“Even if they can’t give you something in return…?”

Natsume chuckled.

“My father surely would have abandoned me under your conditions.”

She blinked.

“But he’s your dad… That’s different. Of course your family is supposed to help you out.”

“My situation is a little more complicated than that.”

“Well, now I’m curious.”

He tapped his chin.

“It  _ is  _ a bit of a lengthy story… but I wouldn’t mind sharing it with you some other time, perhaps. I do not wish to derail this discussion too much.”

“What’s there to discuss…?”

“The fact, Minamoto-san,” he leaned in closer, “that you seem to have a rather distorted view of how relationships work. I am very intrigued as to how you’ve ended up like this.”

She could feel herself getting defensive; she averted her eyes.

“What’s wrong with what I’m saying…? Friends are supposed to help each other out.”

“So close, yet so far…”

“Stop with your weird riddles and just say it straight out if you have a problem, then!”

To her surprise, Natsume replied without missing a beat.

“It is true that, in friendship, you cannot expect one half to provide exclusively for the other at their own expense. However, you seem to be confused about quite a few things. First of all,” he held up a finger, “nothing I have done so far for you has taken me an extraordinary amount of effort. It has been rather effortless, actually. To imply that I absolutely need compensation is a little patronizing, to be honest. Second,” another finger, “it seems somewhat… pointless to me, to be keeping track in such a manner. It is not as if I have requested your assistance, and you’ve rudely refused me. I have reason to believe you would be more than eager to help out if the opportunity arose. As such, I do not believe you are trying to use me. Though, even if you were, it would be rather heartless to leave you in your current state. My moral compass would not allow for it.”

She attempted to interrupt, but he shook his head.

“Lastly… Minamoto-san, my dear, you have given me your time and your attention. We’ve exchanged words several times and had multiple rather pleasant conversations. You’ve been nothing short of wonderful to me. And even now, suffering from your ailment, you still thought to worry about my wellbeing… To me, all that is payment enough.”

He placed his hand over his heart.

“I am more than capable caring for myself the way I am right now. Please keep that in mind. It makes me truly happy to hear that the small favors I have performed have not gone unappreciated, but it also saddens me somewhat to hear you talk as though being kind for the sake of being kind is not enough to satisfy me. You have done me no harm. Please do not imply otherwise.”

Her head was still pounding a little. In her current state, Natsume’s poetic way of speaking was anything but easy to take in. Even with the alcohol worn off, it would’ve been difficult enough focusing on regular, casual speech, let alone something like this. She was quick to realise she just didn’t have the mental capacity to even fully register everything he’d said just now, let alone try to argue.

“…My god, you’re impossible…”

“I could say the same to you,” Natsume adjusted his glasses. “And some other people here, I suppose…”

She did actually manage to catch one thing, at the very least.

“…You think I’m fun to talk to?”

“Indeed.”

Something inside her heart stirred.

“I, uh… Thank you.”

She reached for her scarf, even though she was well aware it wasn’t around her neck. She’d left it somewhere in the main hall. She’d have to go fetch it before she could leave… alongside her sweaters.

“…I still wanna do something for you, though. I just don’t know what.”

“Well, I’m afraid I cannot think of much I need either. I do apologise.”

She sighed.

“It’s fine… I’ll figure something out sooner or later.”

She fidgeted with the hem of her shirt.

“…Hey.”

“Hm?”

“Thanks for calling me your friend too. Even though we haven’t talked that much.”

“Oh? You’re welcome, I suppose…”

“It would be kind of nice if you could talk a bit more casually though… You’re really hard to understand sometimes.”

“Ah, well… This is just the way I naturally speak. I apologise.”

“Mm… I guess I get that.”

Silence settled over them for a few moments.

“…Can we actually have this conversation again when I’m not, uh… dying? Maybe through text or something too… I think I might have more luck deciphering you like that.”

Natsume clasped his hands together.

“I would love nothing more!”

They continued chatting for a little longer until she felt well enough to be able to get to her feet. Natsume brought her some more water, and patiently stood by her side until she’d finished the entire glass and handed it back to him. The entire time, his words were echoing in her head, unwilling to leave, as though pleading with her to understand. She supposed it was partially on her for being so weirdly stubborn.

She thanked him once again with a polite bow once he’d helped her gather up her things again.

The next time she bumped into Chiba, while she’d been expecting to endure a lecture from him, all she got was a bunch of apologies for leaving her on her own like that. She puffed out her chest, acting all tough as she told him off for the apology. She was just as much of an adult here as anyone else; she really should have known better, and he hadn’t done anything wrong.

She punctuated her speech by punching him in the shoulder rather weakly.

He stood around completely stunned for a moment before he aggressively ruffled her hair as revenge.

It was on the way back that Natsume’s words finally began to sat in, with Kageyama snoring next to her, Chiba’s head momentarily lolling onto her shoulder as he struggled to keep himself awake.

_ You could’ve just said ‘friendship is supposed to mean loving someone unconditionally’, you damn wannabe theater kid. _

The sound of the rain against the car windows was oddly relaxing.

* * *

**minamoto** Today at 2:49 AM   
hi

**webslinger (takahashi)** Today at 2:49 AM   
Ur awake???? omg

**minamoto** Today at 2:49 AM   
SLKDSL *UR* AWAKE???

**webslinger (takahashi)** Today at 2:49 AM   
YES?? hello

**webslinger (takahashi)** Today at 2:49 AM   
Are you good

**minamoto** Today at 2:49 AM   
LKLKDS ye im good

**minamoto** Today at 2:49 AM   
could we have a chat sometime

**minamoto** Today at 2:50 AM   
not like rn bc its the middle of the night but

**webslinger (takahashi)** Today at 2:50 AM   
Should i be worried

**minamoto** Today at 2:50 AM   
NYO

**minamoto** Today at 2:50 AM   
its nothing like that i promise

**webslinger (takahashi)** Today at 2:50 AM   
Well okay

**webslinger (takahashi)** Today at 2:50 AM   
But yeah sure :)

**minamoto** Today at 2:50 AM   
ty

**webslinger (takahashi)** Today at 2:50 AM   
Pls dont stay up for too much longer

**minamoto** Today at 2:50 AM   
IK

**minamoto** Today at 2:50 AM   
you too tho

**minamoto** Today at 2:51 AM   
take care of urself

**webslinger (takahashi)** Today at 2:51 AM   
I will

**minamoto** Today at 2:51 AM   
mwah

**webslinger (takahashi)** Today at 2:51 AM   
:D

* * *

**mons** @smoldumpling · June 22   
a thread of all the toxic izumin stans ive encountered in the past 48 hours

**eruru** @pannacotta636363 · June 22   
an art piece i commissioned of kotori-chan!! (✿´ ꒳ ` ) thank you to  @sunflowerparadise !   
**EvF4jBEVgAQhzUN.jpg**

**Pancake King** @m6f8zy30413 · June 22   
Megathread of today’s clips~ A reminder to keep the replies civil please!  #HPAEG

**ROKKA** @rokkayells · June 22   
Fav episode so far honestly that was really cute  #HPAEG

**kiwi’s corner** @kiwidraws · June 22   
TOXIC KOTORI STANS GET OUT OF MY MENTIONS AND STOP HARASSING ME!!!! THIS IS WHY THE GUIDELINES NEED TO BE ENFORCED BETTER  #justiceforizumin

**Chai** @chaiteatime1203 · June 22   
tbh? that was unironically a good time maybe not all hope is lost


	15. Chrysanthemum

_ “Aahhh… Minamoto-san, is everything okay?” _

_ “T-Takahashi-san… waahh…” _

_ Thud. _

_ “Oh my god- You scared me, clinging to me like that out of nowhere…” _

_ “I-I’m sorry…” _

_ “…Well, it’s okay. Do you wanna go somewhere and talk about it? Uhm… There’s a pretty cheap restaurant nearby. I don’t mind treating you, if you want. I mean… if you have time.” _

_ “…Would that really be… alright?” _

_ “Y-yeah, of course! I’m free today, don’t worry.” _

_ “…I’m sorry.” _

_ “Haha… for what?” _

_ Huff. _

_ “I don’t know.” _

_ “Oh, you’re fine. You don’t have to apologise.” _

_ Tug. _

_ “Come on, let’s go. A nice, warm bowl of soup will make you feel right better.” _

* * *

The cloudy, but relatively peaceful sky outside was a welcome change from both the week long rain and the summer heat they’d had to deal with until now. It might have been part of the reason why the hallways of the school seemed so unusually empty, with more students actually willing to venture outside. The lack of any crowds also meant they didn’t have to search for very long to find a deserted corner where they could talk without fear of being disturbed.

Takahashi must have had at least a vague idea of what she wanted, because his posture had been oddly tense ever since they’d run into each other. She didn’t remark on it; she wasn’t sure if it would just make him feel more nervous or not. Thanks to the hours she’d spent messaging Natsume back and forth this morning while she’d been supposed to be reviewing her notes, she felt a lot more at ease than before. Wordy as he could be, he was actually pretty good at helping her rationalize her own emotions and figure out why she was feeling them little by little.

She was definitely going to shake him by the shoulders if he tried to tell her one more time that he couldn’t think of anything she could do for him in return.

“So…?” Takahashi finally broke the silence. His hands were awkwardly lifted halfway in the air, as though he didn’t quite know what to do with them.

“So indeed.”

Better get through it now, she supposed. And so, without any further ado, she began to talk.

She’d rehearsed everything she wanted to say ahead of time. She’d even run it by Natsume and Aragaki both – one much happier to assist than the other – to make sure she wouldn’t somehow offend him by accident. Despite that, though, she found herself straying from the script she’d prepared. And… somehow, she couldn’t bring herself to worry about it. She just talked.

She talked about how she appreciated everything he’d done for her until now. About how she really cared about him as a friend, and would be willing to respect his decisions no matter what. But if she was making him feel like he had no other choice but to hide his problems from her, that was an issue in and of itself, and she didn’t feel comfortable with just standing by and letting things continue like that. She wanted him to rely on her more.

She wanted him to view her as a friend, not some kind of a child that he needed to protect.

By the time she was finished, she felt like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Regardless of how Takahashi was going to respond, she felt glad that she’d at least been able to open up about everything. She couldn’t just let problems pile up forever and refuse to address them from fear that people would get upset with her. And if she was going to get better at handling these things, Takahashi was by far the person she felt safest starting with.

Takahashi’s hands dropped back down.

“Wow…” was all he said at first. His feet were shuffling ever so slightly. “That sure is… a lot.”

Setsuko’s fingers curled around her scarf.

“Yeah, h-haha, probably… Sorry for just dumping it on you like that.”

“No, it’s okay. I just… didn’t know you felt like that, so you caught me a bit off-guard, I guess.”

“Eh-?”

He gestured over to one of the benches with a sheepish smile.

“Could we sit down…? It feels kind of awkward standing around.”

“Oh- Yeah, sure thing.”

She pushed down the nervous energy that was slowly forming inside of her as she followed him.

The first thing he did once he’d sat down across from her was bow his head.

“I’m sorry. I never meant to make you feel like you were a burden on me. I think… I was just scared.”

“Scared…? Of what?”

He lifted a hand to the back of his neck.

“Ever since Mom has gotten sick, I… can’t stop feeling like that’s all people ever think about when they see me. Like… they feel the need to be overly considerate and gentle. I know they’re just trying to be nice,” he quickly added, in a tone as though trying to defend himself, “but it just feels like a bit too much at times, you know? It’s already all I can think about every time I’m on my own, and I just don’t want to be reminded of it every waking moment of my life. And- And I feel really bad, right, because Mom is the one who’s going through the most difficult time right now, and I don’t want to make this all about me, but… I just…”

His voice was quickly becoming unsteady by the end; he shook his head, taking a deep breath.

“Sorry. I’m fine.”

“It’s okay- It’s fine if you want to cry…”

His fingers were entangling themselves in his hair.

“…I don’t want to. I don’t like being like this. I don’t like… people viewing me like this. I’m just so scared that nobody will want to spend time with me if they feel obligated to coddle me about every little thing. I don’t want to lose all my friends too… I don’t think I could handle that. And… you’re already dealing with enough on your own, I can’t just add onto that, that wouldn’t be right-”

Setsuko grabbed onto his free hand, enveloping it in both of hers tightly. His hand was so much warmer than her own. So much bigger too, with long, calloused fingers from the countless hours he’d spent practicing music. It was so difficult to comprehend that they were around the same age, that they dealt with similar insecurities… But he was right there, confirming it all. She couldn’t just ignore that.

“Takahashi-san,” she spoke in the firmest tone she could muster, “there’s no way your friends would abandon you just because you’re struggling with something difficult right now. O-obviously I can only speak for myself, but- I’m also very much certain that everyone else feels the same way! I’m sure we would all prefer to see you happy, but that’s just because we care about you, and it doesn’t mean that you’re never allowed to be sad.”

Takahashi opened his mouth to respond, and she quickly continued, more and more words spilling out.

“B-besides, do you think you’re the only one here who’s struggling? Do you think the others don’t ever feel upset about anything? You wouldn’t feel like they were bothering you if they came to you with their problems, right? You’d want to help them because they’re your friends, right? So… So there’s no reason you shouldn’t be allowed to do the same.”

She exhaled shakily.

“I… know that I’m not the most reliable person here by far. I get overwhelmed really easily… and a lot of things have happened lately that I admit have taken a toll on me. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t confide in me. I think- I’m pretty sure I’m capable of at least listening, if nothing else. Because you’re my friend, and I’m going to be more upset if you end up being unable to bear things on your own than if you just open up to me and let me carry some of the pain you’re going through.”

Takahashi was silent for such a long time, she had to summon up all her willpower not to start freaking out. She didn’t dare peer up at his face, but she also didn’t want to make herself any more anxious if she could help it. She was sure she hadn’t said anything wrong… or at least nothing that she would regret later. And if she could just cling to that rational mindset, if she could just last for a little longer, things would probably turn out okay.

“…You’re a lot more mature than I thought.”

She reflexively smacked him lightly on the arm.

“What’s that supposed to mean!?”

When she finally dared to meet his eyes again, he seemed to be smiling; he giggled softly at her assault.

“Alright, alright, I’m sorry-“ he held up both of his hands in surrender. “But… thanks. That was really sweet of you to say. I just wasn’t expecting it is all.”

She gave him one last half-hearted hit to the chest for good measure.

“No more babying me, okay?”

He nodded, lowering his hands back down.

“Okay.”

The way back to the dorms was far less tense than their prior walk had been. It was nice, feeling like the wall that had grown between them was disappearing again. It made her wonder why she’d stressed herself out over it so much when she should’ve known she could trust Takahashi to understand.

They were about to part ways right in front of the doors leading to the common rooms as his phone rang.

She wasn’t sure why she waited around for the entire call. Maybe because she felt like they should at least get to say goodbye properly, or maybe because part of her had sensed that something was really wrong when the color began draining from his face.

He looked as though he might faint on the spot after the call was over.

“Are you… okay? What happened?”

He looked back at her with unfocused eyes, swallowing before he spoke.

“They just called from the hospital… Mom has- Mom has collapsed.”

* * *

She ended up accompanying him. Maybe she shouldn’t have, but she had no idea what she was supposed to do. Part of her was also afraid to let him out of sight for too long. Like if she wasn’t watching him carefully enough, he would somehow get himself hurt. The way he squeezed her hand the entire time, as though trying to hold on for dear life, told her she’d been right to think he needed at least someone to accompany him.

The hallway was quiet. Unlike in the lobby, not many people were wandering around on the higher floors, which meant that aside from the occasional nurse or doctor passing by, they were surrounded by only muffled, soft noises from behind doors at best. But not in the serene way she’d gotten used to from the library or the dorms when no one else was around. It was an uncomfortable, disconcerting kind of quiet, with a suffocating amount of tension in the air. It made her stomach feel tight, made her want to run out of the building as soon as possible.

But she didn’t. Not even when Takahashi was finally allowed inside the room, leaving her on her own. How could she have abandoned him when he must have needed her the most?

So she didn’t move. She sat by, her hands restlessly drumming on her knees, the seat uncomfortably digging into her thighs, occasionally taking out her phone just to mindlessly check the time but forgetting to actually pay attention to it.

She had no idea how long Takahashi had spent in there. It could have just been a few minutes, or it could have been entire hours. With her nerves so on edge, time had become an abstract concept that she couldn’t quite figure out how to properly register, and the feeling only got worse after every person that walked past her. Their glances were unassuming as far as she could tell, but she couldn’t stop her thoughts from running wild. That she wasn’t supposed to be here. That she was intruding on something.

That maybe she was wrong after all to think that someone like her could have helped someone like Takahashi.

It was around the time she finally noticed the faint taste of blood in her mouth from how hard she’d been biting her cheek that she realised just how much she was starting to freak herself out again, and she took a deep breath in an attempt to calm down.

The door to Takahashi’s mother’s hospital room opened up once again, and she involuntarily jumped to her feet.

Takahashi stepped out into the hallway. The instant their eyes met, her heart fell.

His cheeks were still wet, his eyes red and puffy, his sleeves soaked around both wrists. He practically stumbled into the nearest chair, slumped over, face buried in his hands.

She probably shouldn’t have said anything. But she did anyway, voice meek and quiet.

“Your mom… Is she-?”

The way Takahashi flinched at the question stopped her from completing it. For once, she understood without an answer.

His father and Miki arrived soon enough. Miki sprinted past them without sparing them a single glance. She gave his father a stiff, awkward nod as he walked past her, telling her racing heart to be still.

It was a while before she had the courage to carefully lay a hand on Takahashi’s shoulder. It was even longer before he found his voice again, though still unsteady.

“I promised her I would perform for her…”

His hands curled into loose fists.

“I wanted to be able to play for her one last time… I just wanted her to be able to see it. To see that… t-that I’d really listened to everything she’d taught me.”

He choked back a sob.

“2 more days… All she would’ve needed was 2 more days. Only 2 more days, and this stupid game show would have been worth it. I’d promised her… and Dad. And Miki.”

She’d never asked. Takahashi had always just seemed like the kind of person who would have been interested in that sort of thing. She wouldn’t have thought to question it. It must have meant a lot to him, though. Or it would have anyway…

As she desperately racked her brain for a solution, for something she could do to make him feel better, she ended up blurting out the first thing that had come to her mind.

“It could still be worth it. I mean… your dad and Miki are still here. I’m sure they would still want to hear you play…”

As soon as Takahashi lifted his head, she knew that hadn’t been the right thing to say. She had no idea what the right thing  _ should _ have been. What she could have said to make him feel better… or if anything she could have said would have helped at all. Maybe the solution just didn’t exist, maybe she would have been better off staying quiet and just sitting by his side until he’d calmed down enough to be able to safely go back home. Either way, her words weren’t what Takahashi had wanted to hear.

“What does that matter now…? Without Mom, there’s… no point. Do you really think that would help at all?”

“I- I’m sorry. I just thought… I thought it was important to you, so-“

“So?  _ So? _ It might have been, but it’s worth nothing now.”

“…I just thought it might-“

“ _ God, shut the fuck up, _ ” he finally snapped; she shut her mouth immediately, flinching ever so slightly as he got up from his seat.

She really had no sense when it came to comforting people. She was sure someone like Chiba or Kageyama or… even Takahashi himself would have known what to do. But there was no use thinking about that now, was there?

Still, she wished she could just think of  _ something _ .

“You’re really just projecting onto me, aren’t you?” Takahashi continued talking, even though she’d stopped responding at all. He wasn’t meeting her eyes, fists trembling by his sides from how tightly he was squeezing them. “Do you think you understand at all? Do you think you get what it’s like, to have something like this just… ripped from your hands right in front of you? Do you  _ really _ think sticking through with some garbage game show obsessed with sensationalizing is what I would want? You- You don’t get it, there’s no way you could…”

She’d never seen Takahashi angry before. Not a  _ single _ time. She wouldn’t have even thought she was capable of getting this upset until now.

Her legs were starting to shake underneath her.

She knew he was just being emotional because of what had just happened. She knew that. Takahashi wasn’t the kind of person to act so unreasonable and get so riled up at other people. Despite that, though, she felt herself grow lightheaded quickly.

“Don’t look at me like that…!” he raised his voice, by now sounding more desperate than angry.

She took a step back. She’d never been good at handling people yelling at her.

“I’m- I’m sorry…” she squeaked out.

_ Takahashi-san is a good person. Takahashi-san is a good person.  _ She kept repeating the sentence in her head like some kind of a mantra, as though it was going to help her keep what little cool she had left.

“Stop apologising!”

Her glasses almost flew off from how hard she shook her head.

“N-no,  _ you _ stop…!”

“I’m not- I-“

“You’re  _ scaring _ me, for god’s sake!” her voice cracked.

Takahashi went still.

In just a single second, it was as though all the anger had been sucked out of him with how fast his shoulders fell and how quickly his expression shifted. He must not have realised how intimidating he’d appeared until she’d actually said it out loud. With how much taller and broader he was than her even with his shoulders slouched, it was painfully apparent he could have easily crushed her like a plastic can if he had wanted to.

She still couldn’t stop shaking.

His hands dropped back down, and his eyes darted all over the place nervously before they settled on her again. She could see tears forming in them once again that he wiped away in a panic.

“I… I’m sorry,” he stammered out. All of a sudden, he seemed so much smaller than before. “I don’t know what came over me, I…”

_ It’s okay, _ she wanted to say. After everything he’s just gone through, she wouldn’t have felt it right to blame him. But her body hadn’t had time to calm down, and she found herself stumbling into the nearest wall, causing Takahashi to wince.

“I… I need to go,” he stuttered out. His gaze momentarily slid towards the closed hospital room door before he shook his head. “I need to go. I really… I’m so sorry-“

He staggered away looking so sickly, she would have surely stopped him right then and there if she would’ve been able to move. Instead, by the time she’d regained proper control of her legs, he was far out of sight already.

She didn’t wait for his father or Miki to step out. She probably should have at least explained why Takahashi had vanished, but she could hardly think straight in the moment. So, instead, she let her legs carry her down the emergency staircase, then out the building, back to the train stop they had last gotten off at.

Takahashi was nowhere to be seen.

Her chest was oddly tight, and she could feel herself wanting to cry. More than anything, she was so,  _ so _ worried about him. He definitely shouldn’t have been left alone in such a vulnerable state, but, at the same time, she didn’t feel as though she was equipped to handle something like this. And if all she was going to achieve was make things worse, she had to find a better way.

As she opened her phone and scrolled through her contact list in a frenzy to see if he would at least answer any messages she might send, she stopped.

Her gaze settled on a particular username.

Truth be told, she didn’t feel very certain of herself. She couldn’t tell if her idea was any good or not, or if she was perhaps crossing a boundary that she shouldn’t have been by involving someone Takahashi wouldn’t have wanted to. But… in the moment, it was all she could think of to do. Besides… judging by the conversation they’d had about it,  _ he’d _ at least been more aware than her of Takahashi’s circumstances. That had to have meant something.

With shaky fingers, she began typing out a message.

* * *

“I see… Have you heard anything since then from either one of them?”

“No… but I think if things had gone  _ really _ wrong, Chiba-san would have already told me. So… I’m trying to just hold out for now. I, uhm… I want to give Takahashi-san some space, first and foremost. I think he really needs it.”

She breathed a sigh.

The common room was deserted save for her and Natsume… and his snake, curled up in his lap, seemingly asleep. Having already gotten a bit more accustomed to seeing it, she didn’t mind it so much. The fact that it seemed to have a pretty calm temperament had definitely helped with that.

It had already been a whole day since the incident with Takahashi had gone down. When she’d first texted Chiba about it, she’d mostly just been looking for advice. He seemed like he’d be reliable, and he’d been on pretty good terms with Takahashi as far as she could tell. So when he’d offered to try and talk to him to make sure he was alright, she felt like some of the weight had been lifted.

She hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it no matter how hard she’d been trying. She’d barely even slept. She probably would’ve skipped every single meal without thinking if she hadn’t bumped into Natsume out in the hallway and endured a long, seemingly unending lecture about taking better care of herself.

And now there they were, drinking tea together, the remains of the meal he’d attempted to cook set aside out of fear of food poisoning, instead 2 cups of instant ramen in front of them. Natsume had read all of the ingredients out loud when she’d handed his portion to him. She’d shushed him before he could launch into another rant about the importance of eating healthy.

“I suppose that is fair…” Natsume hummed, still staring at his ramen with slightly narrowed eyes. He hadn’t touched it yet. “I admit I’m not particularly close to Yuki-san… or at least not as close as you, more than likely. Do you think he will be alright?”

“That’s a really complicated question,” she frowned. She was kind of afraid to answer that honestly as well. As much as she wanted to believe, the pessimistic thoughts were difficult to fight back. “I hope so, at least. I’ve… never seen him snap like that before.”

“Well, it would make sense. I do believe Yuki-san was quite close to his mother.”

“I know…”

“I admit I am a little curious, though,” Natsume finally decided to try his first bite, albeit tentatively. His face visibly lit up in pleasant surprise at the taste.

“About what?” she turned her head to look at him.

“If there was any more to it than that. Granted, I’m not exactly an expert when it comes to matters of relationships and such… Some of what you’ve mentioned he’s said just seems a tad unusual.”

“…I don’t know,” she dropped her head back down. Part of her had been wondering about that as well, but she’d been doing her best not to think about it. She’d already been feeling anxious enough without it. “I keep thinking that I finally  _ get _ him, only for something to happen that makes me question if I’ve ever known him at all.”

“Ah… A sentiment I can sympathize with,” Natsume mused between bites. “I would not worry about it so much. I feel as though it’s a fairly natural progression for friendships.”

“…Are you just basing that on yourself?”

“Yes. Is that an issue?”

She paused.

“I guess not,” she set her chopsticks down, all finished.

It did seem like Natsume and her had more in common than she had thought. His calm demeanor, despite how unsettling she’d found it in the beginning, was also proving to be incredibly reassuring in contrast to her own anxieties. She supposed she was lucky she’d bumped into him of all people today.

“I’d, uhm… had a conversation with Aragaki-san. About Takahashi-san, I mean.”

Natsume stared back at her expectantly, sipping the last bit of his broth. She swallowed before she continued.

“It’s a bit difficult to put into words, but… thinking back, I’m kind of wondering if he really hadn’t said everything he wanted to me. While we were still at school, that is. I thought he seemed really sincere at the time, but if he’d still been holding back…”

“It is possible,” Natsume set his cup back down. “These kinds of issues tend to be more complicated than they first seem.”

“You think so too, huh…”

“You will just have to exercise patience. Especially after yesterday… Whether or not Yuki-san would agree with me, I believe you should handle him gently for the time being.”

“Well, yeah… Of course.”

She sipped what was left of her tea thoughtfully.

“…Do you think it would be okay to message him at least? After what he’d told me, I don’t want him to feel like I’m ignoring him because I’m mad at him or something…”

“Why are you asking me?” Natsume raised a brow. “You are the one who should know.”

She opened and closed her mouth a few times before she gave up.

He was right. He was probably just as clueless as her when it came to social interactions, if not more. She’d instinctively turned to him for help, but it wasn’t like he was actually going to be able to do anything aside from calming her down.

She was just far too used to being in the position of greater ignorance.

She picked up her phone.

“I think I’ll just text Chiba-san for now and ask for an update…”

She almost dropped her phone when she received a text right as she said that. Natsume sat by in patient silence as he waited for her to remember how to unlock her screen in a tiny moment of panic.

Her shoulders immediately sank with relief as soon as she saw what Chiba had written.

**stan ayano (chiba)** Today at 2:38 PM   
update: ive got The Boi w me

**stan ayano (chiba)** Today at 2:38 PM   
were heading to school rn if youre there?? he wants to talk to you

**stan ayano (chiba)** Today at 2:38 PM   
hes doing better than before at least

**stan ayano (chiba)** Today at 2:38 PM   
we had a p long heart to heart abt everything

**stan ayano (chiba)** Today at 2:38 PM   
hes being a big wuss bc he thinks you dont wanna see him but i told him its fine

**stan ayano (chiba)** Today at 2:38 PM   
anyway get ready well be right over in like less than 20 mins

**minamoto** Today at 2:38 PM   
im at school ye!! in the dorms rn  _ (edited) _

**minamoto** Today at 2:38 PM   
sorry grammar collapsed for a second

**stan ayano (chiba)** Today at 2:38 PM   
jfc


	16. Hydrangea

_ “Ah- Takahashi. Jesus, you scared the hell out of me… The hell are you doing out here in the middle of the night?” _

_ “Wh- I could be asking you the same thing… uhm…” _

_ … _

_ “Chiba. Chiba Yuzuru. We have, like, 4 classes, dude.” _

_ “R-right…” _

_ “Why are you even still up? Classes are still on tomorrow.” _

_ “Oh… I was just visiting family. I lost track of time after a while, haha…” _

_ “…Guess now I know why you’re always late.” _

_ “Hey, I’m on time most of the time…! And besides, you’re out here too!” _

_ “Yeah, yeah…” _

_ “Don’t ‘yeah yeah’ me-“ _

_ “As your elder, I know better. Trust me. I’m allowed out because I’ve never once not been on time. Which means I know what I’m doing.” _

_ “Just because you’re 2 years older…” _

_ “2 years is a long time! You first years just don’t seem to get that…” _

_ “Uh huh…” _

_ “Either way, your studies are important! And so is getting a proper amount of sleep. Try not to stay out so late, my guy.” _

_ Thump. _

_ “Ow-?” _

_ “Oh, uh… Sorry. I wasn’t trying to hurt you-“ _

_ “Ah, uhm, it’s alright. It didn’t hurt or anything. I just wasn’t… expecting to get punched…? Haha…” _

_ “W-well, y’know- Wait, aren’t you from, like, America or something? Isn’t this stuff normal there? You see it all the time on TV and stuff…” _

_ “I… guess so…? But-“ _

_ “Y-yeah, you get me! It’s just, like, bro stuff!” _

_ “Bro stuff…?” _

_ “Yeah! It’s  _ cool _ , right?” _

_ “I guess…” _

_ “ _ Parfait _!” _

_ “ _ P-parfait _ -? Oh, you mean  _ perfect _?” _

_ “…Y-yeah. That’s what I said.” _

_ “I’m pretty sure-“ _

_ “You probably just misheard it!” _

_ “Do you… need my help with English, or-“ _

_ “It’s fine! I know how to speak it! I’ve gotten at least an 80 on every English test, so-“ _

_ “Alright, if you’re sure-“ _

_ “Yeah!” _

_ Cough. _

_ “A-anyway, you should really head to bed now! I’ll be expecting to see you tomorrow!” _

_ “…Yeah, alright. Oh, uhm, also-“ _

_ “Yeah?” _

_ “Yuki is fine, if first name basis is okay with you. I’m more used to that, so…” _

_ “Oh. Alright, Yuki it is, then.” _

* * *

_ 17 missed calls from Miki. 4 from Dad. 31 text messages. _

Takahashi Yuki slipped his phone back into his pocket.

The midday sun was intense. Even in the shade, it was hot enough to be suffocating. His clothes clung to him uncomfortably with sweat.

“I’m back!”

The convenience store doors closed behind him as Yuzuru stepped outside, holding a can of coffee in each hand. He tossed one over to Yuki, who caught it with ease, without much thinking. The aluminum was cool against his skin. For a moment, he was tempted to hold the can against his cheek. Instead, he began turning it over in his hand, looking for the label.

“You gonna drink that, or are you just gonna stare at it?”

The question startled him; he popped it open without further ado, taking a small, tentative sip.

He hadn’t expected Yuzuru to actually remember his preferences, so he was surprised when the drink turned out to be more bitter than sweet. Though he would have probably felt too bad not to finish it even if he’d gotten him something loaded with sugar… Still, it was nice and refreshing, even if it was just a bit too lukewarm.

He reached for his wallet, but Yuzuru stopped him with a shake of his head.

“Come on, man, don’t worry about it. It’s just pocket change.”

He dropped his hand back down, unwilling to argue.

Over the course of the day, Yuzuru’s hair had gradually started to regain its usual curly texture. Neither of them had gone back to school or home, so it was bound to happen eventually. Yuzuru didn’t complain for a change, though. In fact, Yuki would have assumed he hadn’t even noticed if it hadn’t been for a passerby complimenting it, to which Yuzuru had reacted with an embarrassed shrug.

“So… you ready to talk?”

The question didn’t come out of nowhere. Yuki had picked up on him wanting to ask for a while now, after the first couple times he’d brushed him off. He’d been throwing him  _ those _ kinds of glances, very obviously trying to get a read on him. Yuzuru had never been good at being subtle, so it was always easy to tell.

“…You know you can just go back,” Yuki replied instead of answering the question. It wasn’t like he minded him being around, but he would’ve been lying if he’d said he didn’t feel bad for taking up so much of his time. And with what? Wandering around the city in silence. He wasn’t sure why Yuzuru was still sticking around.

“Yeah, I know.”

“Aren’t you busy with school stuff?”

“Kinda. But it’s nothing I won’t be able to catch up on later.”

“…Aren’t you  _ bored _ ?”

“Nah.”

His replies were straightforward and earnest as usual. They probably came to him pretty naturally. He’d always been good at that sounding like he knew what he was doing. Even now, it was clear he had some kind of a plan in his head that he must have been following.

Yuki had never understood that.

Yuzuru gestured towards a bench, the shadow of a large tree looming over it. Yuki followed him without any objections. It was only once he sat down, though, that he actually realised just how tired he was feeling. Physically, from having been walking around all night. And…

“Do you  _ want _ me to leave?”

He turned to look a Yuzuru again, who was scrutinizing him with a small frown. He slowly shook his head.

“No, you can stay. It’s just…”

“Yeah?”

“I feel bad.”

Yuzuru breathed a sigh.

“Oh no, whatever shall I do? My precious time has been taken up by hanging out with one of my friends… How dreadful. I’ll never be able to recover from this, I tell you.”

Even though his tone was very much sarcastic, there was also an underlying gentleness to it. Like he was feeling the need to be softer and more patient than the normal. The guilt made Yuki’s chest feel tighter.

“That’s not what I meant,” he replied, though he didn’t have much energy left to sound upset about it. His shoulders slumped over, he stared at the little bit of coffee he still had left.

Yuzuru cocked his head to the side.

“I know.”

The coffee can was now empty.

“…How much did Minamoto-san tell you?”

Yuzuru blinked.

“How did you know it was Minamoto?”

“Who else could it have been?”

“…Right. Fair enough.”

He shifted around in his seat, arms propped up on the backrest, legs crossed. The nonchalant posture was a stark contrast to his thoughtful expression. That was something very much like him too, though. Something Yuki had gotten used to seeing from him. Miki was like that as well.

“I’ve got the gist, probably. Minamoto is pretty bad at summing up this kinda stuff, but I think I have a pretty good idea.”

“Hm…”

Yuzuru gave him a small nudge.

“You know she’s not upset with you, right?”

He was way too good at getting right to the point. Yuki didn’t even know how to respond for a moment, not having expected that at all.

“Huh-?”

“It’s written all over your face… but even if it wasn’t, it wouldn’t be hard to guess.”

Yuki instinctively turned his head away. He’d always hated how easy it was for other people to read him. Even Minamoto, clueless as she was, would pick up on a few things here and there that he would have preferred her not to. Miki would bully him about it relentlessly every time he tried to cover something up.

“Did she tell you that, or are you just trying to make me feel better…?”

“Give me a bit more credit, my guy. I can read between the lines.”

“So it’s just your opinion.”

“Please point out to me who in the world would be mad at you for being emotionally unstable right after your mom has…”

Yuzuru’s voice trailed off, as though he hadn’t quite thought that sentence through beforehand. Yuki’s hands curled into loose fists in his lap.

“My mom has what? Died?”

“…Yeah.”

“Just say it straight out, then. Awkwardly tiptoeing around it won’t help anything.”

Even though he managed to make his voice sound quite firm, even he was caught off-guard by how unexpectedly hard it hit him to actually say it out loud.

His mom was gone. And not just for a few days, or weeks, or months. Not in the same way that she’d go out with her friends, or leave for work-related trips. No, she was gone for good. He’d never be able to speak to her again. He’d never hear her tease him about small mistakes he’d make while playing, grinning cheekily the entire time. He’d never get to watch her demonstrate a technique he’d messed up, have her adjust his hands when they were in the wrong position, listen to her ramble on and on about her favourite composers, see his dad usher her out of the kitchen after she’d set off the smoke alarm by accident, watch her wrestle Miki into bed, hear her brag about how she’d taught Bella a new trick, have her send him off to school with a kiss on the cheek and a hug that was definitely far too strong for someone her size.

He felt Yuzuru’s hand on his shoulder, and he realised he was tearing up again. He stammered out an apology as he did his best to dry his eyes for what felt like the billionth time within the last day or so.

“Are you good?”

“No.”

Yuzuru seemed surprised. Probably not by his actual answer, but the fact that he’d said it at all.

“…Are you sure you don’t wanna go back home?”

He definitely did. He was craving to finally stagger back home, to have his dad hug him, to have Miki join in reluctantly. Part of him was still hoping his mom would be there to greet him at the door, ruffling his hair aggressively the way she always used to.

But he knew that wasn’t going to happen. She wasn’t going to be there. And going home would only remind him of that. The photos, the empty seat in the kitchen, her favourite brand of coffee in the cupboards, the same spot she’d take up in the living room when she wanted to watch late night dramas…

He wasn’t going to be able to handle that. Not just yet.

He nodded.

“Yeah.”

He swallowed the apology that had been about to come right after. He must have already looked pathetic enough; there was no reason to push that any further.

His mind flashed back to the conversation he’d had with Minamoto… if you could even call it that. He’d never snapped at her like that before. Sure, she’d occasionally gotten on his nerves, but he’d always done his best to be patient and gentle. She just didn’t seem like the type who would be able to handle scolding any more intense than that, and the last thing he would have wanted to do was scare her.

He supposed he’d managed to do that anyway, though. He felt like an idiot. The feelings of irritation that kept consistently resurfacing every time he thought back to it were even worse.

What right did he have being upset with her? She hadn’t intended to make him mad. He knew that. And yet, there they were: bitter feelings of resentment swirling around in his chest, unwilling to leave no matter how much he tried to get them to. The same ones that would come around every time she’d complain, every time she’d text him torn up about something that shouldn’t have mattered.

It had only ever pushed him to try even harder to comfort her. Out of spite. He should have never let them slip like that, even for a moment. She didn’t deserve that. She shouldn’t have had to know about it.

“You’re beating yourself up again.”

“I’m not-“

“You are. God, do you ever cut yourself some slack?”

Yuzuru wouldn’t have been able to understand. He couldn’t. He was naturally the dependable type. He wasn’t selfish the same way.

Yuzuru’s hand was gripping his shoulder again.

“Hey. Why don’t you just talk for a bit? Don’t you think it would help at least a little, being able to get everything off your chest?”

The words slipped out without thinking.

“You’re gonna think I’m awful.”

Yuzuru responded without missing a beat.

“Like hell I will. Who do you think I am?”

His confidence should have been more reassuring. He probably genuinely meant it too. If anything, though, that made the frustration worse. How could he just act like he had any idea what he was talking about, what he was going through? Yuki knew he must not have been trying to talk down to him, he  _ knew _ , and yet…

“It’s easy for you to say things like that.”

“Like what? Normal sentiments?”

“… _ Yeah _ , actually.”

“What does that even mean?”

“Like, the kind of stuff you’d hear in a movie or something… Stuff that you’d pick up because you think it sounds cool.”

“So, what… You think I’ll suddenly change my mind when I discover you’re secretly evil or something?”

“You’re making it sound ridiculous on purpose.”

“I don’t need to try. It’s already ridiculous enough as it is.”

“That’s not true.”

“Dude, how else am I supposed to feel when you’ve over here implying like I somehow have the authority to judge you over shit I  _ know _ for a fact can’t be that bad?” he rolled his eyes. He looked like he was considering getting up from his seat for a brief moment. “Yeah, I’m totally the pinnacle of righteousness and morality. The guy that used to beat other kids up in middle school. Mother Teresa here.”

_ That _ was news. With how casually he’d dropped it in, Yuki almost mistook it for a joke. Yuzuru wasn’t like that. He was really nice and mature and cool and-

“No you didn’t.”

“I did.”

“There’s no way.”

“Why would I lie like that?”

“You’ve never mentioned it before…”

“You think that’s something I should go around advertising?”

“…W-well, I’m sure you must have had a good reason for it-“

“No, dude, I was just a dumb, angry kid. How the hell would you even justify that?” he let a laugh slip, as though the mere idea of it was amusing.

“…Got me there. I have no idea.”

“Yeah!”

This time, Yuzuru really did get up. Whether or not he was trying to be more dramatic or just felt like he had to move around out of sheer frustration from their back and forth, it wasn’t clear. Either way, he was gesturing with his hands so intensely by now, he would have definitely maimed any of the passersby walking around if they had been only a tad closer.

“The point I’m making here is that sometimes people do dumb shit. I guarantee you will never be able to find anybody who’s been a perfect little angel since birth and doesn’t have at least a couple nasty fuck-ups they’re hiding. What matters is whether or not you actually give a shit- And you very obviously do, otherwise you wouldn’t be such a big baby about it.”

“I’m- What? I’m not being a baby!”

“Oh, yeah? Use your big boy words, then, and tell Yuzuru-senpai what in god’s name you’re tearing yourself up about so much.”

He hadn’t realised it until now, but Yuzuru acting so purposefully cavalier about it managed to lighten the atmosphere little by little somehow.

It wasn’t as though he didn’t  _ want _ to talk. Being able to share these feelings with somebody and ask for advice – or at least comfort – definitely sounded nice. He just wasn’t sure he deserved it. He wasn’t sure if it would only worsen things and make him seem like either an asshole or a burden, or-

Yuzuru’s hand was in his hair, gently ruffling it, his previously stern expression replaced by something softer and more patient. As though, despite all his scolding, he wasn’t actually going to get mad. As though he wanted him to know that he was just trying to help, that he was doing his best to understand, that he wasn’t secretly awaiting the opportunity to expose him for not measuring up to the expectations he’d set for himself. His touch was comforting and warm.

Just like his mom’s.

The empty can almost slipped from his hand from how much his hold on it loosened.

“…Okay.”

Yuzuru grinned.

* * *

The way back to school definitely felt a lot shorter than it should have. He wasn’t sure if it was the sleep deprivation, the general exhaustion, or something entirely different, but, either way, it seemed as though he’d only blinked once or twice before they were already there.

They’d ended up talking for a lot longer than he’d intended. Part of him wondered if it was because he was just craving human interaction this bad. He’d been slow to open up, but Yuzuru had listened attentively nevertheless, patiently sitting by his side the entire time even as hours passed by.

He hadn’t really intended to come see Minamoto. Not  _ really _ . He knew it should have been the right thing to do, but he couldn’t shake the thought that she wouldn’t be willing to forgive him, much less after telling her everything he’d been trying so desperately to keep a secret until now. It had taken quite a bit of convincing on Yuzuru’s behalf to get him to even be willing to give it a shot at all, even after the countless reassurances he’d echoed over and over, telling him it was fine, that  _ he _ was fine, that he hadn’t done anything that would have warranted groveling at anyone’s feet for forgiveness.

He hadn’t really been able to bring himself to believe it. Not entirely. Even after Yuzuru had told him he understood. Even after he’d still insisted that didn’t think any less of him once he’d managed to actually pour his heart out.

He did at least feel thankful, if nothing else. Even if he didn’t feel like he deserved it, the way Yuzuru didn’t even hesitate to reiterate that they were still friends, that he hadn’t stopped to think of him as a kind person at heart… He felt  _ so _ guilty for it, but also  _ so _ relieved.

Even if Minamoto were to chew him out now, at least he’d have one person to have his back. And that wasn’t right, that wasn’t a fair or right thought to have at all, but it was something that put him somewhat at ease regardless.

Standing in front of the door to the dorm now, with Yuzuru giving him an encouraging pat or two on the back, he hardly hesitated.

He opened the door, and there Minamoto was. He immediately felt himself tense up from anxiety.

He didn’t even have time to properly take in any of her features in an attempt to assess how she was feeling. He couldn’t meet her gaze. And so, instead of the greeting he’d planned to start with, the first thing he did was perform a deep bow.

“I’m so sorry… about yesterday, and about everything.”

_ You should talk to her _ , Yuzuru’s voice echoed in his head.  _ Just talk, and she will understand. She may be young, but she’s not that much younger than you. There’s no reason for you to feel like you have to act tough for her. _

He heard Minamoto get up from her seat. He had no idea how he’d expected her to react, but having her place one of her hands on his shoulder in a clumsy attempt to reassure him definitely hadn’t been it.

“Hey… It’s okay. It was a hectic day.”

Her voice still carried the same shy undertones as usual, but there was also a kind of tenderness to it that he’d rarely ever heard from her before. It was the same way she’d speak to him whenever he’d let a small worry slip, whenever the mask he’d put up would crack for a moment and lead him to open up about something he’d regret telling her later.

He reluctantly glanced at her expression. There was no anger nor fear: the two things he’d been the most worried about seeing. There was only genuine concern, her eyes practically pleading with him to let her in.

For a moment, he felt as though he was back in time. Back to when everything really was okay, when it didn’t seem like his mom’s condition was that bad, when they could just hang out and mess around and he didn’t need to worry about tiptoeing around Minamoto’s feelings all the time. Like nothing had really changed.

But that wasn’t true. That was different.  _ He _ was different.

Minamoto was gripping his sleeve.

“I was really worried, you know… I know I’m no good at talking to people. And I thought you might have finally gotten fed up with it…”

His chest tightened.

“That’s not true. I wasn’t- I mean…”

“Y-yeah, I know… I mean, I’m sure I probably would have gotten pretty upset too if I’d been in that situation. So it’s not like I blame you or anything. Oh, uhm, I wasn’t trying to make it sound like you had to comfort me either, it’s just- uh, I just… I just wanted you to know that I’m glad you’re, uhm, okay, sort of…? Or I hope you are. I mean… physically, at least-“

She was starting to ramble, her eyes darting all over the place, her hand slipping back down to grip her own skirt instead. She was trying her best; he could see that much. And suddenly, the guilt felt all the more worse. She was working  _ so _ hard, pushing herself to be able to get that much out… He knew how anxious these conversations always made her, even when she should have had nothing to worry about. How was it right, then, that he couldn’t do the same for her? It  _ wasn’t _ .

He held up a meek hand, and she instantly quieted down.

“It’s alright. I know what you meant…”

Her posture visibly eased up.

“O-oh, okay- Thank god…” she let out a heavy sigh.

Her fidgeting with her clothing didn’t stop, though.

He could feel Yuzuru’s gaze on his back. He knew what he had to do. What the right thing to do was. He couldn’t just continue running away from everything if he didn’t want to snap at her like that again. She didn’t deserve that.

He took a deep breath, readying himself mentally. It was now or never.

The words came out much easier than he’d thought.

He told her everything. Maybe it was because of how much his talk with Yuzuru had worn down his defenses, but once he got going, it was actually harder to stop. So he told her all of it. The bitterness he’d been feeling towards her for not having had to go through the same thing. The awful, horrible thoughts he’d have whenever she’d vent about something that sounded like something she  _ should _ have been able to deal with.

He slipped in so many apologies, he lost count after a while.

And yet, somehow, Minamoto’s demeanor didn’t change. He’d been incredibly worried that she might just burst into tears, but she didn’t. His voice got quieter and quieter, uncomfortable that, for a change, he couldn’t really tell what she was thinking just from a simple look at her face.

Somewhere along the line, his voice died. She took it to mean she could finally speak up.

“I don’t think you’re a bad person at all, Takahashi-san.”

She said it with such ease.

“You… don’t look very surprised.”

“H-haha, uhm…”

“Did- Did you already know? Was I that obvious…?”

“Mm… Not really. Not to that extent, I think.”

She paused, tugging on her scarf lightly.

“I did kind of put together the gist, though. Sort of. And, uhm… I get it.”

“…You do?”

“Yeah. Because I’ve… been there too, so…”

She didn’t seem like she was going to add more to that, but the way she averted her gaze in shame told him all he needed to know.

For the next few seconds, all he could do was just stand there, somewhat in shock. With how much this whole situation had escalated, he never thought it would fizzle out so quickly. He thought she’d be at least a little more upset. That was what he’d prepared for. But she wasn’t.

She bit her lip, hesitantly speaking up again:

“I know what that’s like. And… I don’t think that means you’re a bad person. It just means you’re hurting. That’s all.”

She reached out. He felt her fingers faintly graze his wrist.

“I’m sorry that you felt like you couldn’t trust me. But, you know, it’s not the end of the line. You’re still here, and I’m still here. And we’re still friends. So… we can keep trying. Because that’s what friends do.”

He felt like he was going to tear up again.

Instead of responding to what she’d said, he spoke in a voice even more hushed than before, practically a whisper:

“…Can I have a hug?”

She nodded.

Before he even had the chance to change his mind, he’d already been enveloped in a hug unexpectedly strong and tight. Her arms were positioned fairly awkwardly and her chin was digging into his shoulder uncomfortably. Minamoto rarely ever gave out hugs. She didn’t seem like she had any idea what she was doing.

He didn’t mind, though. Her hold was warm and welcoming, and he found himself clinging to her as though she was one of his old stuffed animals. He wanted to close his eyes and stay here for the next few minutes, hours… maybe even the rest of the day. And just forget about everything else.

It was in this moment that his gaze wandered a little further back, and he locked silent eye contact with Natsurin, sat cross-legged in front of the coffee table, his snake resting in his lap.

Had he been there the whole time…?  _ Oh, geez… _ Another person having to see him in this state… But that was probably on him for not checking properly beforehand.

Natsurin waved nonchalantly.

“Please pay me no mind.”

He’d need to have a couple words with him later.

* * *

“I am glad that it seems as though you have worked everything out, but… I still can’t help but be curious.”

In the end, Natsurin hadn’t left. Yuki hadn’t seen any point in forcing him to leave when he’d already heard so much, so he’d just accepted his fate with a sigh of defeat, inviting him to chime in as he saw fit.

As it turned out, it hadn’t been a bad idea. Yuki had always gotten along with him just fine, even if he could say some  _ really _ strange things at times, but he was surprised by just how good he was at consistently providing a calm and rational response to everything.

Was it the glasses…? He felt his face slightly heat up once he realised how stupid the thought was. He really needed some sleep.

The dinner Yuzuru had made for them all was unexpectedly good. Yuki had never tried his cooking before. He didn’t even know he could cook, in fact. He’d offered to make something himself, but Yuzuru sounded so eager to help out, he ended up letting him handle the whole thing.

He was surprised nobody interrupted them at any point over the many hours they ended up talking. Taka and Kazuma must have been busy… wherever they were. He supposed they did both have their jobs to worry about.

Minamoto’s head turned in Natsurin’s direction.

“About what?”

The light of the setting sun was reflecting in the lenses of their glasses. Yuki could hardly look at them directly.

“About whether or not Yuki-san will be present on Monday, that is. If you don’t mind me asking.”

He’d known the question would come up eventually. If not from Minamoto, then from one of the other two.

He didn’t mind much. Whether from the sleepy daze he’d been in for a while now or the comforting, relaxing conversations they’d had, he’d mellowed out considerably as time passed by. The previous day almost felt like it had been a dream. And even though he knew it hadn’t been, the dull pain in his chest was enough to make him want to indulge.

The many texts he’d received remained unanswered for now.

“I, uh… haven’t really thought that far ahead. I know I said a bunch of stuff yesterday, but… it’s not like Minamoto-san was entirely wrong. Performing for Dad and Miki  _ would _ be nice, just…”

“In better circumstances,” Chiba suggested, to which Yuki nodded.

“Yeah. But I don’t really know what else I could do.”

Maybe it was silly of him to be clinging to something like this. It wasn’t like he’d never be able to perform in front of them. It wouldn’t be the same, though. Because this was a promise he’d made to both of them. And to his mom. Something that they’d been looking forward to so much. The reason he’d done his best to keep the piece a secret so he’d have something to surprise them with. So… silly as it was, it meant something to him. Something that he just couldn’t bring himself to let go of. His mom would have wanted him to go through with it, he was sure.

“I don’t think you should push yourself for a while,” Minamoto said softly, fingers restlessly fidgeting.

“I’m not pushing myself.”

His reply had been firm. Despite that, he wasn’t sure how much he’d meant it.

Either way, Minamoto took it as a sign to go quiet.

“Only a few more hours left for you to figure things out, huh…” Yuzuru clicked his tongue. “I get you though. It’s a hard decision to make.”

He was right. The next morning wouldn’t wait for him to make up his mind forever. He couldn’t just stay in limbo. That would essentially mean giving up.

“You made up your mind to stick with it, right?” he asked instead of giving his own answer just yet. Yuzuru gave him a slightly suspicious look, as though wondering if he was going to use his answer as a guide. Yuki didn’t break eye contact.

Yuzuru ended up shrugging.

“I mean, yeah, but it’s not like I’m leaning that strongly either way. I was just doing it to stick it to Izumin, but… now that he’s gone, I don’t really know if there’s much point to me being there.”

_ Ah… _ He hadn’t thought of that. Though Chiba hadn’t really seemed super enthusiastic for a while now, so he supposed it was something he should’ve figured.

“Plus, I’m pretty sure Taka wants to drop out.”

Yuki blinked at him.

“He does?”

“He hasn’t told me directly, but I can tell. He’d signed up for his career and stuff, but I think he might’ve bit off a bit more than he can chew.”

There was more than enough conviction in his voice. He must’ve been really sure.

“Right… I did think he’s been a bit too zombie lately,” Minamoto piped up. “Do you think he’s burnt out from work?”

“Maybe… I’m sure there’s more to it, though. But I’d have to use pliers to drag it out of him,” Yuzuru huffed. “Bastard would refuse to communicate if his life depended on it.”

Yuki felt himself stiffen at that. Almost as though he’d read his mind, Natsurin’s eyes settled on him.

“That seems to be an ongoing pattern with some people here.”

He lowered his head, not even trying to defend himself. There wasn’t much point.

From the corner of his eye, he could see Minamoto starting to shift around. He peeked at her to see her lips had been pressed together into a thin line, her brows furrowed uncertainly. She looked like she was wrestling with herself about something.

She was probably going to tell them she was also dropping out. It had been pretty obvious how little she wanted to be there, and how overwhelmed she’d been feeling about everything. Even if it seemed like she’d been getting used to the experience little by little, it wouldn’t have surprised him to know that she had reached her limits for now.

And just as he’d thought…

“Actually… I think I might drop out too. Maybe…”

Yuzuru was the first one to react audibly, in a manner incredibly casual.

“Oh yeah? Burnout?”

Her shoulders fell; the relief was clearly visible in her posture. If they squinted at her hard enough, they probably could’ve spotted the nervous tension escaping her body all at once in the form of a little ghost. He wasn’t sure why she’d been so anxious to admit it, but it was nice she managed in the end. Maybe she’d just been embarrassed. It wouldn’t have been the first time.

“Mm… Sort of? I don’t really regret giving it a shot, but… I definitely feel like it’s a bit…  _ much. _ I know that probably sounds really weird to say now of all times, but-“

“No, yeah, I get you,” Yuzuru waved a hand. “It’s just kind of annoying by this point. Akiyama told he me thinks he might be done too.  _ Don’t mind. _ ”

“Does he…? Gosh, that’s a lot of people already…”

_ Right? _ That was definitely going to end up causing trouble… That was what his instincts were telling him, at least. Granted, he hadn’t really researched the show that carefully apart from the few clips he’d seen floating around on the internet, but there was no way they’d allow something like this… right? How could they even continue like that? What if it caused their ratings to plummet and then  _ they _ would end up responsible?

His thoughts were racing so much, it was a pleasant surprise when Natsurin changed the topic out of nowhere. He might have thought he’d done it on purpose, if Natsurin hadn’t looked completely oblivious.

“Why had you signed up in the first place, though, Minamoto-san? Were you simply hungering for new experiences? Because it does seem a little too… drastic, I suppose, to start with. ‘Jumping off the deep end’, if you will.”

Minamoto was quickly becoming flustered. Yuki hesitated.

Was he supposed to step in? She hadn’t even given a straightforward response to him before, so who was to say it was something she wanted to talk about? And Natsurin could definitely be a bit too pushy at times without meaning to be…

Maybe he’d been worrying too much, because Minamoto seemed to steel herself. Without any further prying on Natsurin’s behalf, she took a deep breath.

“I guess that was kind of part of it… but, actually, uhm…”

She looked like her head was doing its best to retract into her scarf.

“I know this probably sounds really silly, but… I was kind of hoping I could maybe win and get the prize.”

…Was that really what she’d been worried to say? It must have been, because she immediately looked more at ease as soon as she’d blurted it out, even with her face a vivid shade of red. Why was she so embarrassed about that?

“Ahh…” Yuzuru crossed his arms, tilting his head back to stare up at the ceiling. “Man, who wouldn’t wanna get that? I’m pretty sure half the people who signed up did it for that.”

She laughed weakly.

“But it’s not like there’s a chance of me winning anyway… And… I’m kind of over it, to be honest. I’ve come to terms with it just fine. I’d rather just focus on my studies for now. And job hunting and whatnot…”

_ Huh. _

Maybe that was it. Maybe she’d been afraid they’d ridicule her for trying. Nobody here would have done such a thing, but Minamoto had always been the type to worry far too much about these kinds of things. No matter how many times Yuki would tell her she was fine, that she had nothing to feel embarrassed about, she’d continue stressing over it.

He’d always get annoyed with her for that after a while. At the same time, though… he wasn’t all that different, was he?

_ Hypocrite. _

His fingers were digging into his hair.

“What were you going to ask for?” Yuzuru asked, clearly curious. He was staring at Minamoto pretty expectantly with an easygoing smile. Knowing him, he must have been hoping to hear something outrageously stupid. The kind of thing that Yuzuru himself would have  _ definitely _ answered without any hint of irony.

Yuki was pretty sure that wasn’t what Minamoto had in mind, though.

She must have managed to make up her mind already, because she didn’t wait nearly as long this time around. Her voice came out stiff, but her face was focused, like she was trying incredibly hard to find the best words to use.

“I don’t really remember much of it… or at least not too clearly, in any case. I was, uhm… pretty young. Like… baby-young. God, that sounds so awkward- But, yeah, basically, not too long after I was born, my uh… my dad’s company went bankrupt.”

Even though her sentences were full of pauses it felt as though she might as well have rattled them all off in a single breath. The way she got quieter and quieter as she went on added to the feeling as well.

“Apparently my mom ran off with most of the money he had left, and we – or he, I guess – got stuck in a  _ lot _ of debt. He’s been struggling to pay it off since then, and… you know… I just thought, uhm… that maybe- Maybe if I won, I could… solve that for him, I guess.”

She quickly let out a small, somewhat panicked laugh.

“I- I know, it sounds really stupid- What was I thinking, right? Like I’d be able to do anything about that… I get it-“

She seemed to be completely oblivious to the way Natsurin was staring at her. One of his fingers was tapping his chin slowly and rhythmically, like he was carefully mulling over something. For a moment, his gaze flickered to his pocket.

Yuzuru was the one who actually interrupted her, though, albeit unintentionally from what Yuki could tell.

“Man, seriously? Your mom sounds like a bitch,” he said without hesitation, wearing a frown so deep it might as well have been a glare. She must’ve mistaken it as one too, because she flinched, to which Yuzuru’s own attitude quickly shifted. “Uh, no offense-“

“No, it’s okay,” she let out another startled laugh. “She sucks, I know.”

Yuki had never known it was  _ that _ bad. He’d been pretty aware that their financial situation wasn’t exactly the best. It wasn’t difficult to tell, considering how obsessively Minamoto would check the price of anything she’d purchase, how most of her clothes seemed to be pretty old and worn out, how her eyes would lit up when he’d offer to treat her to a meal… But he’d always just assumed her dad was stuck in a shitty job or something, not…  _ this _ . It did explain why she hated talking about her mom so much, though.

“…If you like, I… I could ask my dad if-“ he started, but was swiftly interrupted by her shaking her head.

“No, it’s okay. Your dad will probably have his hands full too for a while… and it’s not really the kind of money that could be paid off that casually. Besides, you already treat me to meals often enough… I already appreciate that a lot.”

She flashed a shy smile. He could tell she was being entirely sincere. Even so, he couldn’t feel happy about it. Even if it was just a little more, surely it would have been better for her to take the help…  _ Surely… _

He didn’t say anything, though. He’d already pushed his chances enough these last two days.

“Anyway, your situation is a bit more urgent, I’d argue,” she continued. She must have been itching to change the subject. “I think we’d be better off trying to find a better solution for it before time is up.”

He felt his body sink on its own; did they really have to continue discussing that?

“What else is there to do, though…?”

Minamoto faltered.

“…Uh…”

He breathed a sigh. She may have been trying to help, but it wasn’t like there was anything she could actually do. She had to have known that. They could sit here talking all night long, but that wasn’t going to make things any easier. He’d still have to pick his poison in the end.

“Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the sentiment, but… I think I might just be stuck.”

He really thought nobody would be able to argue with him after that. That there wasn’t anything left to say, anything that they could possibly think would be enough to convince him. There couldn’t have been.

And yet, Natsurin’s reply was fast and confident.

“I don’t believe you are, actually.”

To that, all Yuki could do was let out a startled ‘Huh-?’.

Natsurin lowered his hand. He shifted around his position until he was kneeling with his hands in his lap, almost as though he was about to make a request. It looked a little funny, with a couple bits of rice still stuck to his cheeks from the meal they’d just finished. Nobody pointed it out, though.

He cleared his throat.

“I would like to preface this by saying I’m not entirely sure if my suggestion will be satisfactory, but I have at least put a fair amount of thought into it, and I may have come up with a reasonable enough solution.”

He paused, but not long enough to let anyone else get a word in.

“It would require my father’s cooperation, no doubt. I’m certain he would be more than happy to help, though. Besides, there is plenty I myself would be capable of assisting with. With that in mind…”

To Yuki’s relief, Chiba called out in a mildly annoyed manner, leaning on one of his hands.

“Dude, just cut to the chase, we don’t need you to recite the freaking Lord of the Rings here.”

Natsurin smiled politely.

* * *

Yuki had never known that much about Natsurin’s family or his situation at home. Not because Natsurin was all that secretive or anything, it was just one of those things that had never come up. What he did know for sure was that they must have been incredibly well off, if the ease with which Natsurin handed out money and expensive gifts was anything to go by.

Even though he was aware of that, though, it still came as a shock that when Natsurin promised he would take care of everything, he really hadn’t been exaggerating. Not even a little.

The bullet train to Osaka had been less than 3 hours. Natsurin’s dad was paying all expenses, apparently, as they’d found out shortly after Minamoto had freaked out from seeing the price of the tickets. Once Natsurin had successfully reassured her, she’d taken him by the shoulders and shaken him intensely, on the verge of tears, scolding him for not starting with that to begin with.

Yuki was fairly sure none of them had been to Keiji’s parents’ restaurant before. It wasn’t the kind of place that most people would be able to afford, let alone the average college student. And though he was still vaguely aware of it being super high class and whatnot, he still found himself caught off-guard by just how different Keiji looked when he greeted them at the entrance with a bow.

No piercings to be seen, hair carefully combed and tied into a neat ponytail. Dressed in a luxury suit with a stylish necktie hanging from his neck, the collar of his dress shirt buttoned up all his way, his tattoos well-hidden. He almost looked like an entirely different person, especially when coupled with the shift in his body language, going from an air of laidback uncaring to something much more professional. All of them shushed Yuzuru in sync at the surprised cry he’d let out at the sight.

The reservation must have been so last minute, considering it had been booked for Monday evening, less than 24 hours after their conversation, and yet there was no sign of any issues. He had to wonder how Natsurin had done it. He doubted it had been easy. When he’d asked Keiji, though, just the two of them in a quiet corner while everyone else was led to their seats, he didn’t have an answer for him either.

“Ain’t got no clue, man, sorry,” he spoke in a hushed voice, reverting to his usual speech patterns temporarily. “Parents haven’t told me shit. Not that I’ve asked.”

“Ah…”

“How’s about ya just kick back ‘n’ relax for now ‘n’ not worry ‘bout all that, huh, Takahashi-kun? The little man works in mysterious ways.”

“I- Hey, I’m just worried about causing trouble for other people…”

“Like who?”

“Like… I don’t know. Your parents…? The guests?”

Keiji snorted.

“Oh, trust me, you’d know ‘bout it if there was trouble afoot.”

“Are you sure…?”

“Yeah. Ain’t no one who can afford to dine here is the type to be quiet ‘bout shit that bothers ‘em.”

He patted his own chest.

“Years o’ experience teaches ya enough.”

He supposed he could believe that, coming from Keiji. He let him return to work with a soft sigh.

His eyes met Miki’s a moment later.

When he’d stumbled back home in the middle of the night, his phone out of battery, he’d been expecting to be told off. He wouldn’t have been mad. He kind of welcomed it, even. He’d felt awful enough in hindsight having ignored all the calls and messages until it had been too late. It would have been only fair.

Instead of that, though, Miki had practically flown into his arms. Had she been any taller, she might have even knocked him off his feet. He’d felt her body tremble with held back sobs, her face buried in his chest. Without thinking, he’d lifted his hands. One to pat her on the head gently, one to return the hug she’d given.

Miki was never one for hugs. She’d always complain when their mom would envelop her in her arms to kiss her on the cheek. That time, though, she hadn’t let go for a very long time, not even as she’d become sandwiched between him and their dad, with Bella rushing circles around them, barking and whining.

She seemed to have calmed down since then for the most part, but her usual snarky and grumpy mannerisms were a lot more subdued, a lot mellower and softer than he’d gotten used to. She didn’t even say a word when their dad tucked some of her hair behind her ear. It was like she’d turned back into a little kid again.

Yuki’s violin case was resting on one of the vacant chairs.

He wasn’t really sure when the right time would be. He’d been reassured by Keiji that he’d just have to look out for his sign, but his hands wouldn’t stop sweating from all the second thoughts he was having. About ditching filming like that, about Natsurin’s plan, about… everything, really. He’d never been able to feel confident in his own decision making skills. So, even now, he was still second-guessing if accepting Natsurin’s offer had been the right thing to do.

Maybe he could have just stayed home and everything would have been fine. Or maybe he should have just sucked it up and performed on TV anyway. Or-

He felt his dad give his shoulder a small nudge.

“You’ll be fine.”

He allowed his posture to relax ever so slightly.

When Keiji gestured for him to stand, his heart was still beating much faster than he would’ve preferred. But he couldn’t go back now. He didn’t want to. He’d already come this far; he couldn’t just turn everything down  _ now _ .

Taking the violin out of its case, he held it in his hands gingerly.

His steps felt rigid and stiff as he walked to the center of the room, keeping his eyes unfocused lest he meet anyone else’s. His mom would always tell him the trick was to pretend he was just playing on his own. That he was in the privacy and safety of his room, with nobody watching. To forget about any mistakes he might make, any notes he might not hit with perfect accuracy, to not worry about anything that could go wrong, in or out of his hands. To just focus on playing. That was all he had to do.

He bowed his head, vaguely aware that all the other tables had gone silent as well. He wasn’t paying attention to them, though. He didn’t need to.

Lifting the bow into the air, he took up the proper position.

Music, to him, had always been a source of comfort. He’d listen to music whenever he felt sad or lonely, whenever a test result came back that he felt embarrassed to show his parents, whenever a friend cancelled plans on him last minute, whenever he lost an item that was precious to him. But he’d also listen while cooking, while studying for exams, while buying groceries, or while taking a stroll. Or when he’d just need some noise to fill the void on quiet, rainy days.

He’d tried countless instruments before. He’d try one out, practice just enough to be decent, then bounce over to another, quickly becoming bored. His dad would always scold him for not trying any harder to stick through with any of them, albeit with a playful tone.

He’d stuck with the violin, though. Because it had been his mom’s favourite, the same one she’d been so good at playing, seemingly without any effort. He’d enjoy seeing the way her eyes would light up whenever he’d master a particularly difficult technique or song. So he’d kept on going. He’d practiced, practiced, practiced until he’d had to be wrestled away so he wouldn’t ruin his hands. He’d only started actually taking care after he’d almost sprained his wrist one time and his parents had taken turns to lecture him worriedly.

His chest felt heavy at the thought. But he wasn’t going to cry today. If there was any chance his mom was watching somewhere, somehow… he wasn’t going to cry. For her sake. And for his dad’s. And Miki’s.

Taking a deep breath to calm himself, he began to play.

The song probably wouldn’t have been anything special to the average person. It wasn’t extraordinarily challenging, it wasn’t some genius piece by a legendary composer. In fact, it most likely wouldn’t have been something most people who listened to violin music would have been familiar with, as it wasn’t a classical piece.

It was a piece of music his mom had composed a long, long time ago, and also the first song he’d ever learned to play properly on his own. His mom would have loved it, if only they’d had more time.

Closing his eyes, he allowed himself to get lost in the music completely. It was just him, his mom, and the song that belonged to them, and them alone.

It wasn’t a ‘goodbye’. No matter how many of those he would say, he was sure his heart wouldn’t be able to properly let go. And it wasn’t an ‘I’m sorry’ either. His mom wouldn’t have wanted to hear that. It wouldn’t have made her happy. It was a ‘thank you’. To his mom, to his dad, to Miki… and to his friends. To everyone. It was something he doubted he’d ever be able to truly, genuinely express with words to the extent that he was feeling it.

It was an ‘I love you’.

* * *

The weather outside was surprisingly chilly once the sun had gone down. The sky had cleared up for the most part, letting them be able to see some of the stars, standing by the riverbank, far enough away from the bright lights of the main road. The light, evening breeze was ruffling their clothes and hair, with Minamoto’s scarf fluttering in the air. It was just the two of them now, leaning against the railing, the faint murmur of people passing by quiet enough not to be much of a bother.

“I hope we won’t get into too much trouble… ditching like that at the last second,” he sighed, voice low enough to practically be a mumble. Minamoto pouted at him like she couldn’t believe he was still going on about that, but he could tell she was a little worried about it herself. Despite that, she placed her hands on her hips, speaking in a tone much firmer than usual.

“I’m sure we won’t. If the rules state that it’s allowed, they can’t do much about it.”

“You sound really sure.”

“I am sure. Yokoyama-san is still doing fine, isn’t she?”

He let out a small chuckle. He supposed that was true. He hadn’t heard from her for a while now, but he knew that was only because of how busy she’d been. He was sure she’d have said so if she’d gotten into trouble. She’d have thought to give out a warning.

As Minamoto dropped her hands back down, silence enveloped them both again for a little while. But not the same awkward one they’d had to deal with so many times before. The peaceful, comforting kind. The same one when they’d go somewhere together and they’d get too lost in their own heads. The one that made him feel like he could actually somewhat let his guard down.

His head dropped.

“…It still doesn’t feel real.”

He felt her give his arm a slow, tentative stroke.

He wondered if he should tell her. He probably could… and should. She’d have wanted to know. And he’d promised himself that even if he wasn’t going to just dump all his thoughts and feelings at her, he’d at least try to be a little more open now.

She wasn’t going think less of him. She wasn’t going to leave him, or break into tears and need him to coddle her afterwards. None of that was going to happen. He had to keep reminding himself.

“I’ve thought about it… I think I might take a bit of a break. From college, I mean. Just for a little while.”

She stayed quiet, as though waiting for him to continue.

He lifted his head again, this time to stare up at the sky, elbows propped up on the railing.

“I haven’t gotten to spend much time with Dad or Miki for what feels like ages now. I’ve been pretty busy with school and visiting Mom… and the whole Game thing. I feel like I just… need to go back home for a bit.”

Part of him had thought she’d try to argue. That she’d ask him not to go, that she’d try to plead with him to stay until at least the end of the semester. But she didn’t. Instead, she seemed to think things over for a moment. Then she nodded.

“I think that’s a good idea.”

He glanced at her from the corner of his eye.

“Are you going to be okay without me, though?”

She placed her hands on her hips, putting on a playfully offended act.

“Who do you think I am, hm? Of course I’ll be fine. Besides, it’s not like we can’t still text each other. If you end up missing me at any point, I don’t mind hopping over. You don’t live that far.”

_ Right… _

He laughed softly.

“Thanks.”

She broke into an embarrassed, but sincere smile.

“No problem.”

He pushed himself away from the railing, stretching his back.

“…I’m gonna go tell Dad and Miki. And I should really thank Natsurin again for everything. Assuming I can find him…”

“He couldn’t have gone very far, I’m sure.”

“I hope so, because I’m pretty sure he has our tickets back on him.”

“…Oh. Oh, you’re right…”

“Did you forget-?”

“Maybe.”

“How did you think we were going to get back?”

“H-hey, shush! I was distracted, okay?”

Her shove didn’t have much strength behind it; he defended against it with ease. And despite the childish way she stuck her tongue out, he could tell she wasn’t really upset. He couldn’t hold back a laugh when a small gust of wind blew her scarf right in her face. The disgruntled noise she made was definitely  _ something _ .

As he noticed someone staring nearby, he subtly stepped in front of her to shield her from view. Whether it was just the usual kind or someone who recognised them from TV, he didn’t know, but he wasn’t going to risk it. He wasn’t going to have anyone ruin tonight for them. As Minamoto gave him a questioning look, he gestured with his head in the direction they’d come from.

“Let’s go find everyone else, Minamoto-san.”

* * *

**taka b miya** Today at 4:48 AM   
u know what i think im out

**taka b miya** Today at 4:48 AM   
im dead

**stan ayano** Today at 4:52 AM   
WHY ARE YOU STILL AWAKE

**taka b miya** Today at 4:52 AM   
new meds arent rlly doing much

**stan ayano** Today at 4:52 AM   
oh

**stan ayano** Today at 4:52 AM   
rip that sucks  _ (edited) _

**taka b miya** Today at 4:52 AM   
yea

**taka b miya** Today at 4:52 AM   
smh took like

**taka b miya** Today at 4:53 AM   
5 hours before that to find a pharmacy that stocked them

**taka b miya** Today at 4:53 AM   
and now this

**taka b miya** Today at 4:53 AM   
hate it here

**stan ayano** Today at 4:53 AM   
do u want me to pick anything up for u  _ (edited) _

**stan ayano** Today at 4:53 AM   
im losing mw mind sorry im half asleep

**taka b miya** Today at 4:53 AM   
my will to live

**stan ayano** Today at 4:53 AM   
>:v

**taka b miya** Today at 4:54 AM   
uni sucks man

**taka b miya** Today at 4:54 AM   
cant wait to be free

**taka b miya** Today at 4:54 AM   
might just ditch exams too tbh idrc by this point

**stan ayano** Today at 4:54 AM   
ok filming is one thing but exams are kind of important

**taka b miya** Today at 4:54 AM   
ur not my real dad

**stan ayano** Today at 4:57 AM   
just rest up!! theres still like 2 more weeks u have time  _ (edited) _

**stan ayano** Today at 4:57 AM   
if u can just get through them ull have a whole month to recharg

**stan ayano** Today at 4:57 AM   
e

**taka b miya** Today at 4:57 AM   
smh

**taka b miya** Today at 4:57 AM   
im ditching this week at least

**taka b miya** Today at 4:57 AM   
probs wouldnt b able to pay attention anyway

**stan ayano** Today at 4:57 AM   
smh!!!! ok but lmk if you need anything

**lil pika** Today at 9:33 AM   
oh nyo

**taka b miya** Today at 9:41 AM   
whats up loser

**lil pika** Today at 9:41 AM   
have you still not slept??

**taka b miya** Today at 9:41 AM   
i did for like 3 hours earlier

**taka b miya** Today at 9:41 AM   
i think

**taka b miya** Today at 9:41 AM   
idk tbh i kept waking up lmao

**lil pika** Today at 9:41 AM   
:(

**lil pika** Today at 9:41 AM   
are you rlly done w the game

**taka b miya** Today at 9:41 AM   
yeah

**lil pika** Today at 9:41 AM   
but you havent even had your turn yet

**taka b miya** Today at 9:41 AM   
oh well

**lil pika** Today at 9:42 AM   
i thought you were having fun w it :(

**taka b miya** Today at 9:42 AM   
idk what fun is

**taka b miya** Today at 9:42 AM   
btw srry if im cranky my head is like killing me tbfh

**lil pika** Today at 9:42 AM   
its ok

**lil pika** Today at 9:42 AM   
do u need anything

**taka b miya** Today at 9:47 AM   
can you pls pick me up like

**taka b miya** Today at 9:47 AM   
some bbt or smth

**taka b miya** Today at 9:47 AM   
and some ice cream

**lil pika** Today at 9:47 AM   
ok!! ill brb

* * *

**( ´◕㉨◕）** @smoldumpling · June 26   
poor rinko-chan looked so defeated

**eruru** @pannacotta636363 · June 26   
another art piece of kotori-chan!! ✿*,(*´◕ω◕`*)+✿.* thank you once again to  @sunflowerparadise !!   
**EvGTCqNVoAAWTKp.jpg**

**Pancake King** @m6f8zy30413 · June 26   
Megathread of today’s clips~ A reminder to keep the replies civil please!  #HPAEG

**Teddy** @rockeater · June 26   
So are the participants boycotting or????

**kiwi’s corner** @kiwidraws · June 26   
SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOUR SHITTY GARBAGE SHOW SINKS INTO THE GROUND  #justiceforizumin

**Chai** @chaiteatime1203 · June 26   
guys. i was right there may be hope yet


	17. Verbena

_ Ever since you were a small child, you’ve always been interested in writing. Poetry, stories, or even essays for school… That last bit would always get you weird looks and comments, but the teachers would always compliment your assignments. And you’d feel proud, because it was the one thing you were good at, the one thing you could feel confident in no matter what. _

_ Even now, that still hasn’t changed. It’s harder, though, because the bar isn’t so low anymore. Essays, you still have no trouble with. Poetry… is just for fun, so you have no reason to share it with anybody. You don’t have to care if it’s bad. It’s just for you, and you only. Writing stories, though, has become so tiring. _

_ It’s not like you can’t find any fun in it. Of course it’s fun! Even after everything, you’re still happy to sit down and write, spend hours and hours polishing the same manuscript. You brag to your father about how well it’s going to sell once it’s finished, how much money you’re going to make, how he’ll never have to worry about bills again, because you’ll be famous. You’re going to be a famous writer. _

_ The editor hands you back your manuscript. There’s potential, she tells you, but you’re going to have to fix a couple issues with it first. The paper is stained as you grip it with sweaty hands. _

_ So you redo it. But now this scene doesn’t work anymore… You swap some parts around. You rewrite an entire chapter from scratch, once, then twice. A third time when she reminds you to keep the pacing in mind. _

_ She’s never unkind to you. You have talent, she says, and a way with words. You just have to work a little harder, put in a little more effort. You just need some experience. _

_ By the time it’s finished, you’re completely exhausted. It’s worth it, though, you tell yourself. You hold the free copy you’ve received in your hand; it’s  _ your _ book with  _ your _ name it. You wrote it all yourself. It’s  _ yours _. _

_ It doesn’t sell as well as you’d hoped. These numbers are not so bad for a young teen, they tell you. Everyone has to start somewhere. There’s nothing for you to be ashamed of. But you can’t help but think back to all those times you’d proudly bragged to your father, and you suddenly feel like the smiles you received in return were a lot less encouraging and a lot more tired. You feel like he knew. He must have. _

_ It makes sense, you suppose. Everyone has to get a real job eventually. And it’s not like you don’t have any  _ real _ interests… It’s not like creative writing is the only thing you’re interested in. _

_ The editor encourages you the next time you show up. She can tell you’re feeling dejected. But she doesn’t understand. She doesn’t understand why you’re trying so hard, why this is so important to you. _

_ You’ve stopped bringing it up to your father. _

* * *

“I’d like to thank you again for offering to help out… I know it’s probably a lot of work. I’m really grateful that you’re giving me the time of day.”

“Oh, it’s alright. I have way more free time now, so it’s really no big deal. Besides, you said you’d pay, so, if anything, I should be thanking you. More importantly though… are you okay, Nakajima-san?”

When Tsutsui had mentioned to her the previous day that Nakajima was looking for an amateur proofreader and editor, Setsuko had jumped at the chance. He couldn’t afford to pay an actual professional, apparently, but what he’d offered was still far more than she would’ve made if she’d gone out looking for a part-time job like she’d planned to. Even then, with an anxious, sensitive attitude like hers, it would probably take a while to find a place that would be willing to hire her… Nakajima, on the other hand, had no reason to doubt her, considering her title.

All in all, it was an extremely lucky deal she’d snagged. This hadn’t really been what she’d been expecting to be greeted by when she’d turned up at Tsutsui’s apartment, though.

Nakajima looked like he’d just been freshly resurrected. Bloodshot eyes with dark circles underneath them, sunken cheeks, chapped lips. Complexion even paler than normal, somewhat ashen and sickly. His clothes hung off his shoulders, crooked and disheveled. More than that, he seemed unusually jittery; even while standing in place, his entire body seemed to be ever so slightly trembling. As she glanced over his shoulder to see a collection of empty coffee mugs lining the table, she was able to make a pretty good guess as to why.

“I’m fine, just a little tired… A deadline has managed to sneak up on me, and… you can probably imagine the rest,” he sighed, voice somewhat low and raspy.

He gestured for her to come inside, then almost tripped over himself as he locked the main door behind her. He really looked like he was in need of a full day’s rest as soon as possible.

Setsuko looked around with curiosity; the apartment hadn’t changed much since the last time she’d visited apart from Nakajima’s belongings covering one of the tables, but…

“Where’s Tsutsui-san?”

“Rena-nee? She mentioned she’d be out on a date today.”

_ Odd… _ Did that mean Nakajima just had the whole place to himself for the time being? She would have thought he’d been working over here so he could spend time with Tsutsui.

He must have sensed that she was curious about it, as, whilst in the middle of sleepily gathering up the mugs to presumably finally clean them up, he glanced back at her with a look that she couldn’t quite decipher.

“Did you have something to ask of her?”

She shook her head.

“No, nothing like that. It’s just…” she hesitated, but only for a brief moment. “Do you also live here, Nakajima-san? I thought you were also supposed to be rooming at school.”

“I’m supposed to be, I guess.”

“And…?”

“I’m not technically living here. It’s difficult to get real peace and quiet at school sometimes, though… and this place is close enough by that it makes things much more convenient.”

“Ah.”

“I also tend to store some things here that there isn’t quite enough room for in the dorm… or that I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving around other people.”

“So… you have your own keys?”

“I- Yes. I thought that was implied.”

“…I guess that’s fair.”

He finished piling the mugs over to the sink. She couldn’t help but notice that even though there was a dishwasher available and perfectly fine, he pulled on a pair of gloves and began washing them by hand.

“Do you think it’s weird?”

The question came off a lot less shy or embarrassed than she’d have expected and a lot more plainly curious. As she took off her shoes and arranged them near the main door, she gave a small shrug.

“A little. It’s, uhm… I guess it’s just something I’d normally expect from a couple. But you guys aren’t…”

Her voice trailed off, and Nakajima raised his head with a frown.

“I thought we’ve already gone over that.”

“M-mhm, we have. It’s just an observation.”

“Kids your age think way too much about romantic relationships,” he grumbled, shaking his head. “It’s maddening…”

Instead of responding, she walked over, careful and quiet, and slowly crouched down next to the dishwasher. There seemed to be quite a few dirty dishes already inside of it. She hummed.

“Is this broken?”

“Huh-? Oh, uhm… No, I don’t think so.”

“…Do you know how to use it?”

Nakajima’s long pause was very telling. Without another word, Setsuko straightened back up and began rinsing out the mugs one after another then lining them all up inside the machine. Nakajima stammered out a couple objections, but he didn’t actually try very hard to stop her. Before long, she was finished, and she moved onto tinkering with the settings after tossing a detergent pod inside. Her place had never had a dishwasher either, but she at least had a vague enough idea of how they worked to be able to feel confident that she wasn’t going to mess up anything horribly.

Once she’d managed to figure everything out, she demonstrated with great pride how the machine functioned before she finally started the cycle. Nakajima clapped his hands together a couple times.

“Oh, amazing!”

It was rare that she got to be the one to show someone how to perform a task, so it was only natural she’d have wanted to take advantage of this. Feeling extremely smug, she stood back up once again, hands on her hips.

“It was no big deal.”

“I’m kind of afraid to touch most of these things, honestly…” he took the gloves back off, neatly placing them aside. “I have no idea how people do it.”

“Eeh, really? I don’t think it’s that complicated, though…”

“To someone your age, maybe… Your generation grew up using smartphones; of course you’ll have an easier time operating machines,” he huffed.

“…Nakajima-san.”

“Yes?”

“I don’t mean to be rude, but… when you speak like that, you really do sound like an old ma-“

“I’m  _ not _ an old man,” he stated very firmly, face turning the faintest shade of pink.

Setsuko had to bite her cheek extremely hard to prevent herself from bursting out laughing. Oddly enough, she was finding it more and more difficult to feel tense around Nakajima, even though she was used to that when around people much older than her. There was just something about the way he carried himself that made it far too easy to poke fun at him, something that clashed with the dignified and mature aura he seemed to be trying very hard to project.

“So… where is it that you want me to look over?”

His expression settled down. He headed over to the table he’d gathered the mugs from, covered in sheets of paper, books, and a bunch of art tools, some of which she didn’t even recognise. There also seemed to be a laptop over at the side, though he didn’t seem to be currently using it. As he shuffled through the pile, he fished out a notebook much more weathered than the rest, then held it out for her to take.

“It’s this one right here. Ah, and feel free to scribble on it if you need to. It’s only the third draft… I’ll be revising it at least a couple more times, so this one doesn’t have to be in mint condition.”

The notebook wasn’t particularly thick, just as she’d been told. As she opened it, the first thing she noticed was just how neat Nakajima’s handwriting seemed to be. Flipping through the pages, it seemed to remain just the same, even with more complicated kanji that even she would’ve had trouble writing so cleanly. It was a stark contrast to the state of the notebook itself, with most of the pages at least slightly crumpled, some of them dog eared in multiple spots.

“I would prefer if you worked on it here, just because I’m kind of nervous about letting it out of my sight… but I suppose I’d be okay with letting you take it with you if you insisted, as long as you promised to be careful with it.”

She looked back up at Nakajima.

“I don’t mind working on it here. It’s either that, or the library, so…”

His shoulders sank with relief.

“In the meantime, uhm… you should probably get some rest.”

“Maybe…” he stiffened a yawn. “Feel free to wake me if you need anything from me, though.”

Setsuko let out an affirmative hum, eyes back on the pages. She wondered how long it had taken him to write the entire thing by hand. He might just not have been very comfortable using a computer keyboard, knowing him. Still, it was pretty impressive… Her hands would always start to hurt after a while whenever she’d have to be writing something longer in nature by hand. Let alone fill an entire notebook… But from what she remembered, Nakajima  _ was _ an artist, so maybe he was just used to this sort of thing.

The next time she lifted her head again after only a few seconds, he seemed to be passed out on the sofa, curled up into a ball. She’d have thought he’d at least try to find a bed.

* * *

She hadn’t really been told much about Nakajima’s manuscript beyond the fact that it was a short story. Since he seemed like he might be out for a while, she supposed she ought to read it normally at least once before she got to properly checking it. It seemed to be romance, surprisingly enough – not what she would’ve expected after the comments he’d made. More than that, it was  _ extremely  _ cheesy… The kind of thing she’d read in self-indulgent fanfiction online.

Despite that, she still found herself getting drawn into it. Some ridiculous bits and pieces aside, the characterization actually seemed to have a fair bit of thought put into it, and the lines flowed fairly naturally for the most part, almost as though they had some kind of a rhythm to them. All in all, she could tell for sure this couldn’t have been the first story he’d written.

Her first read-through didn’t take much time at all. She borrowed one of Nakajima’s pens once it was time for the second, and she began marking certain words and passages. And, just as she’d noticed the first time around, there seemed to be a recurring issue present throughout the entire thing.

This was definitely going to take a while.

* * *

By the time she was finished, the sun had started to set. It definitely shouldn’t have taken her this long to get through something this short, but the more time she spent reading and rereading it, more and more issues arose in her mind. None of them major enough to ruin it, most of them negligible enough to the average reader to probably not cause too many problems, but present nevertheless. It was only after she’d concluded that there wasn’t much more she could add that the possibility of Nakajima’s feelings being hurt occurred to her, but she quickly batted the thought away.

If he’d originally intended to pay a professional, she doubted that could have been a serious worry for him. If he was paying her, it was only right that she do a thorough enough job.

She got up to stretch, her back popping pretty loudly in the process. She’d gotten so into the process, she’d lost track of time completely. She wondered if Nakajima or Tsutsui would mind if she borrowed the kitchen for a bit…

She tiptoed over to the kitchen, the dishwasher long finished. As quietly as she could manage, she began putting away the now clean dishes. In hindsight, she should have figured the fact that she needed to open and close a gazillion cabinets and move around a ton of ceramics would end in at least a little bit of commotion, no matter how hard she was trying, but Nakajima must have been  _ really _ exhausted, because he remained fast asleep throughout all of it.

What ended up waking him was when she managed to trip over her own feet while she’d attempted to sit back down, letting out a surprised yelp, landing face first in the sofa cushions. Fortunately this had been after she’d already set down the cups of tea she’d made for them both, so she didn’t have to worry about ruining all the probably terrifyingly expensive furniture.

Nakajima awoke with a start, narrowly falling onto the floor himself in the process.

“Aah… I’m sorry,” she bowed her head once she’d scrambled back into a more normal position. “I didn’t mean to disturb you.”

He stared at her in a daze for quite a few seconds before he seemed to realise where he was and what was going on. He slowly shook his head.

“It’s alright… I’m surprised you didn’t wake me up sooner. I didn’t think I’d be out for this long…”

Even now, even if he seemed to be doing a little better than before, he still seemed  _ so _ tired. He must’ve been working really hard.

She did her best to pay no mind to the memories that resurfaced at the image.

“Oh, don’t be silly, Nakajima-san. Rest is important.”

“Not when it feels like I’m wasting time doing it…” he grumbled, rubbing his eyes. Before she even had the chance to respond, he slid onto his feet. “I hope you won’t mind me asking how much progress you’ve made.”

“Actually, I think I might be done. It would be best if we could talk things out in more detail, but aside from that…”

“Ah,” his eyes lit up, “that was fast. You really are dependable, Minamoto-san. Thank you.”

She could feel a mix of embarrassment and smug satisfaction rising.

“Would it be too much to ask you to stay for a bit longer? I’ll need a couple minutes to properly wake up, but…”

“Y-yeah, that’s fine! I didn’t really have any other plans, so I don’t mind.”

Nakajima thanked her once again with a polite bow before he left to the bathroom. It wasn’t long until he returned, just as he’d promised, and they could finally begin discussing everything.

It didn’t feel as odd as she would’ve thought, reviewing someone else’s work who was much older than her. Not that she wasn’t used to literary analysis and critiques, she’d just never had to do it with the person sitting right in front of her. She would’ve thought it would be at least a bit more stressful, even if literature was something she very much felt home with.

Maybe it was because of how attentively Nakajima was listening. It really did seem like he genuinely understood most of the points she was making with ease, and even when he tried to argue something, there wasn’t even the slightest bit of annoyance or malice in his demeanor. He remained polite and composed the entire time, to a point where she almost started to feel like she was back to talking with Natsume.

The sky outside had turned completely dark. She briefly wondered when Tsutsui would be coming back, if at all today.

Nakajima had multiple pages filled with notes he’d taken without her prompting. She almost felt bad.

“I do have one last thing I feel like I should mention…”

“Yes?”

“Nakajima-san, you… really seem to have a liking for using a lot of big words.”

Nakajima blinked.

“Do I?”

“Moreso in narration than in dialogue,” she nodded. “There’s a lot of really flowery language and complicated kanji in this… which isn’t really a bad thing, in terms of just the style. It’s just that… it feels like this is supposed to be a really simple and straightforward story, and the language is sort of getting in the way of that. Like… it’s distracting from what the reader should be focusing on.”

He began rubbing his chin with a frown, and she quickly continued.

“Like I said, there are definitely a lot of stories out there that this kind of style would be more suitable for, it’s just that it doesn’t really mesh well with this one in particular in my opinion. It… kind of feels super pretentious, actually…”

Those last words had slipped out without intending to, and she immediately stiffened. Unlike what she’d feared, though, Nakajima actually seemed to break into a split-second smile that he swiftly covered up with his hand.

“And I was trying really hard this time around too…”

“Wait, you actually were?” she found her voice again. “I assumed you were just trying to flex on me or something…”

“’Flex’- What? That’s just how I write! It’s… really hard to tone it down. The narration doesn’t feel interesting enough without it…”

“…But you’re writing a character-focused romance. Why do you need the narration to be constantly standing out?”

“…W-well…”

“Mmm…” she crossed her arms, trying really hard to think of a good example. “Nakajima-san, you’re an artist, right?”

“Yes…?”

“If you were drawing a picture, you normally wouldn’t be applying the same level of detail and emphasis to every single element of it, right? Otherwise the viewer wouldn’t know what they’re supposed to be looking at, and you’d be causing a lot of visual confusion. It’s like that.”

She could pinpoint the exact moment he seemed to have got that from how suddenly his face began to turn red. She bit down on her lip to stop herself from laughing.

“…I guess that’s a fair point,” he cleared his throat, averting his gaze. “I’ll… see what I can do.”

Setsuko beamed as she picked up their now empty cups.

This was the first time someone had asked for her opinion in so much detail about something that she was so passionate about. She had to admit… it felt really nice. As much as she enjoyed just getting to ramble at all, being able to actually converse back and forth with someone equally as interested was much more fun and satisfying. That might have been why she still felt like she could continue talking despite how much time she’d already spent here.

“I wasn’t expecting feedback this detailed, I’ll be honest…” he broke the silence, following her to the kitchen, notepad still in hand. “You said you’ve never edited someone’s work like this before, right?”

“Ah, uhm… I haven’t, no. But I guess I do have experience with publishing… kind of.”

“Oh, really?”

It was a pretty embarrassing thing to bring up, but after she’d so thoroughly picked apart his writing, she didn’t feel all that guarded about it. So she nodded.

“I am… pretty interested in creative writing as well. I’ve actually had a couple books published before… Granted, uh, not exactly a lot, and… it hasn’t really gone all that well, but… you know…”

Even that was probably giving herself too much credit. The money she’d made had practically been pocket change. He didn’t need to know that part, though. And he didn’t seem like he was going to ask either.

“That’s still really impressive at your age. You should be proud.”

“Haha…”

_ Never mind. _ She decided to switch subjects after all.

“Is this for the Game, or just something you’ve decided to do in your spare time?”

He seemed to be staring at the notes he’d taken again.

“It’s for a contest, actually. It’s something I’ve been interested in for a long time now, and I figured I should give it a shot. The cash prize would be nice, of course, but… I’m moreso trying to see if I can find somebody who would be willing to publish my writing.”

“Are you… interested in writing as a career? I would have thought you’d want to pursue something more, uh… artistic.”

Bad choice of words, but he didn’t remark on it.

“Can’t it be both?” he asked instead, to which she didn’t really have a response to. She supposed that was fair.

He sure seemed like he had a pretty clear idea of what he was supposed to do to end up with the kind of job he was looking for. She wondered if she’d be the same way by the time she was old enough. Probably not, considering she still preferred to hide most of her writing from people, poetry or not.

She sighed.

“I should be going soon.”

“You should. I’m sorry for keeping you here so late.”

“Well, a job is a job… I’ll take whatever I can get.”

“Don’t make it sound like it was torture either…” he chuckled.

She made sure to politely thank him as he counted out the money for her before she began preparing to leave. She hadn’t brought much with her, so it was over and done in a minute or two. Nakajima followed her to the door to see her out, patiently waiting for her to put her shoes back on and fix up her clothes.

It was then that they heard the lock turn, and the door slammed open so suddenly that Setsuko was almost turned into a pancake behind it.

Tsutsui seemed to be in an awfully bad mood. She greeted Nakajima with a silent wave, kicking off her shoes before she headed towards her room. Upon Nakajima’s startled question as to how her date had gone, she signed without even looking back.

“ _ Fine. _ ”

She disappeared into her room with a quiet huff. She didn’t seem to have noticed Setsuko at any point.

Setsuko stood in the entrance with Nakajima for what felt like forever.

“Ah, please forgive her,” he turned to her with an apologetic bow. “She must’ve had a rough day. She’s not usually like this…”

He didn’t need to tell her that.

They exchanged some final goodbyes before she finally stepped outside, wondering what on earth that had been about.

* * *

**stan ayano (chiba)** Today at 7:13 PM   
are you like alive???

**minamoto** Today at 9:01 PM   
DSHDSJKHDS

**minamoto** Today at 9:01 PM   
hewwo

**stan ayano (chiba)** Today at 9:04 PM   
i was wondering where youve been all day ahskhsajk

**minamoto** Today at 9:04 PM   
IM GOING HOME RN SMH

**minamoto** Today at 9:04 PM   
not home

**minamoto** Today at 9:04 PM   
to school

**minamoto** Today at 9:04 PM   
same thing

**stan ayano (chiba)** Today at 9:04 PM   
LOOK U DONT NORMALL YSTAY OUT THIS LATE IM JUST MAKIN SURE

**minamoto** Today at 9:04 PM   
BWEEE

**minamoto** Today at 9:05 PM   
uwu wewe u wowwied about wittwe owd me

**stan ayano (chiba)** Today at 9:05 PM   
i hate it here

**stan ayano (chiba)** Today at 9:05 PM   
>:v

**minamoto** Today at 9:05 PM   
nyehehe

**minamoto** Today at 9:05 PM   
ill be back soon dw

**stan ayano (chiba)** Today at 9:05 PM   
ya ok >:(

**minamoto** Today at 9:05 PM   
save me some of w/e ur making for dinner pls

**stan ayano (chiba)** Today at 9:05 PM   
too late

**minamoto** Today at 9:05 PM   
NYO

**stan ayano (chiba)** Today at 9:06 PM   
smh im jk stinky

**stan ayano (chiba)** Today at 9:06 PM   
theres leftover curry in the fridge

**minamoto** Today at 9:05 PM   
!!!!! :D

**stan ayano (chiba)** Today at 9:06 PM   
dont forget to take out the spoon before you microwave it or i will end you with my own 2 hands

**minamoto** Today at 9:06 PM   
SMH I WONT

**stan ayano (chiba)** Today at 9:06 PM   
also dont text and walk at night alone ull get run over or smth

**minamoto** Today at 9:06 PM   
>:,,(

* * *

**minamoto** Today at 9:03 PM   
are you ok??

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 9:18 PM   
nyes

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 9:18 PM   
what do u need

**minamoto** Today at 9:18 PM   
slkdsld you seemed rlly angry just now so i was wondering if smth happened

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 9:18 PM   
OH NOOOO YOU SAW THAT

**minamoto** Today at 9:18 PM   
DSLKDSL YEAH,,

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 9:18 PM   
weehh

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 9:18 PM   
its ok it wasnt anything serious >:( also i wasnt angry

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 9:19 PM   
just frustrated

**minamoto** Today at 9:19 PM   
oh

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 9:19 PM   
sdsjdjsk just pretend u didnt see it its just stupid drama

**minamoto** Today at 9:19 PM   
ashjskahskja ok

**renatan (tsutsui)** Today at 9:19 PM   
but ty for the concern ily uwu

**minamoto** Today at 9:19 PM   
:,,,DD

* * *

**I Am Damaged** Today at 8:12 PM   
Very quick question

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 8:12 PM   
lol

**I Am Damaged** Today at 8:12 PM   
Have you seen my phone anywhere

**I Am Damaged** Today at 8:12 PM   
I had it on me when we talked earlier and now i cant find it anywhere

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 8:12 PM   
are you asking if i pickpocketed you

**I Am Damaged** Today at 8:13 PM   
No

**I Am Damaged** Today at 8:13 PM   
If you havent thats okay

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 8:13 PM   
lololol

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 8:13 PM   
no

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 8:13 PM   
momo mightve

**I Am Damaged** Today at 8:14 PM   
Ok ty ill ask her

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 8:14 PM   
ask her later shes out rn

**I Am Damaged** Today at 8:15 PM   
???? and

**I Am Damaged** Today at 8:15 PM   
Its my phone its kind of important

**I Am Damaged** Today at 8:15 PM   
I have a lot of shit on it

**The eyes are the window to the soul (yuriko)** Today at 8:18 PM   
lmao suit yourself then

**I Am Damaged** Today at 8:18 PM   
>://????

* * *

The walk back to school was actually fairly refreshing. Not just because the weather was pleasant, but because she got to properly stretch her legs out after everything. She wouldn’t have thought she’d be able to appreciate exercise in any form, but, then again, it was rare that she got lost in work for this long without any interruptions.

Finding a part-time job… She hadn’t had much time to look yet, obviously – waiting until after exams would probably be the best, considering how fast they were approaching –, but it did make her think.

She hadn’t even considered the idea that she’d be able to find something she’d genuinely be interested in. She was a first year in college; there was no way something like that would fall into her lap without a degree. But… trying couldn’t possibly hurt, right?

She wondered if the others would mind if she asked around a bit. Surely not… The idea of bringing it up did make her feel a bit nervous, but she had more than enough time left to prepare herself mentally, and the prospect of somehow getting lucky with one of them was far too good to pass up, she knew.

These were the kind of thoughts weighing on her mind as the school came into view. She then let out a startled shriek as a crouching figure she hadn’t noticed until now got to their feet out of nowhere right as she was about to pass them by.

Her pulse slowed down just as fast as it had skyrocketed once she actually saw who it was, and she had to lean against the fence not to faint from the sudden wave of lightheadedness that caused.

“A-ahh, are you alright-?”

Her father’s voice was filled with concern as she felt him carefully lay a hand on her shoulder, and she gave a stunned nod.

As her vision was clearing up, more of his features came into view. He seemed to still be dressed in his work clothes – on a Wednesday night, that wasn’t anything unusual. Not even how wrinkled they’d become, or how messy his hair appeared to be. That was usually the state he’d arrive home in after a long day.

“Don’t you have another shift today?” was the first thing she’d blurted out, to which he sheepishly chuckled.

“Actually, it seems like there was a small accident, so they’ve cancelled for today while everything is getting cleaned up.”

“Ah…”

She let go of the fence.

“So, uhm, why didn’t you just call if you needed me for something?”

“I was going to, but I happened to run into one of your friends nearby… Uhm- What was his name again…” he paused, rubbing his chin. “About your height, bit of a baby face…”

“Oh… Chiba-san?”

“That’s it!” he beamed. “Very nice young man, incredibly polite… He was kind enough to let me know you’d be arriving back sometime soon, so I figured I could just wait for a bit.”

_ Huh… _

Either way, this was a pleasant surprise. She didn’t think she’d be seeing her father today. Or… anytime soon, really. Though they rarely had enough time to properly talk even back at home, she didn’t realise how much of a difference just getting to at least regularly see him had made. Even though it hadn’t even been an entire month, she’d been missing him for a while now.

“Well… here I am,” she cleared her throat. “So… did you need something from me?”

He seemed to hesitate for a moment.

“I thought we could just talk for a bit… now that I’m actually free for a moment. Assuming you’re not busy with anything. I know it’s very late, but-”

“Oh no,” she immediately shook her head, “it’s okay! I wasn’t going to sleep yet anyway, I have some time.”

There was no way she was going to pass up the chance to spend some time with him, even if it was going to have to be in the middle of the night. Who knows when he’d be available again…?

His posture seemed to ease up a little after that. She clasped her hands together.

“I actually know a place nearby that should still be open…”

By now, she wouldn’t have much trouble finding the way there without any help… hopefully.

* * *

**I Am Damaged** Today at 8:22 PM   
Have you seen my phone

**tamatama (momo)** Today at 8:23 PM   
No :0 did you lose it

**I Am Damaged** Today at 8:23 PM   
I mightve then

**I Am Damaged** Today at 8:23 PM   
Fuck

**tamatama (momo)** Today at 8:23 PM   
If it was at school you could ask campus security :>

**I Am Damaged** Today at 8:23 PM   
Oh youre right

**I Am Damaged** Today at 8:23 PM   
Ty

**I Am Damaged** Today at 8:27 PM   
Are you ok i saw you typing and then stop

**tamatama (momo)** Today at 9:21 PM   
Late reply but yeah dw about it :> i got distracted

**I Am Damaged** Today at 9:24 PM   
Did smth happen??

**tamatama (momo)** Today at 9:24 PM   
Nah

**I Am Damaged** Today at 9:24 PM   
Well

**I Am Damaged** Today at 9:24 PM   
Ok

**I Am Damaged** Today at 9:24 PM   
Ttyl im gonna continue looking

**tamatama (momo)** Today at 9:24 PM   
Yeye good luck!! :>

* * *

The atmosphere in the underwater café was as pleasant as always. If anything, it was even calmer than usual, with fewer customers around at this time of night. The indoor lights really got to shine as well; she almost felt like she was at a nightclub of some kind with the beautiful, yet not at all overwhelming patterns they were creating over the walls.

She probably would have been able to relax a lot more if her mind wasn’t racing, coming up with question after question, wondering which one she was supposed to ask first.

“It’s so nice here…” her father commented. Holding his cup with both hands, he seemed to be constantly turning his head, unable to get enough of the sight. “Did you find this place on your own?”

“Oh, uhm… Takahashi-san showed it to me, actually.”

“Ah, Takahashi-kun… Is he doing alright?”

“He’s, uh… He’s taking a break right now. A lot of stuff happened and he needed some time back home.”

“I see. I was just wondering since he never showed up on Monday.”

“Huh-? Showed up where?”

“Oh, you know… On that show you told me about.”

_ Oh. _

Cup still in hand, she froze mid-movement. She actually hadn’t even had any idea if her father had been watching that or not. She’d kind of assumed he hadn’t; he hardly had any free time to begin with, and she knew he wasn’t really the type to watch TV. He’d be far more likely to ask to borrow one of her books for a bit, then spend ages getting through it.

Come to think of it, though… she should have wondered how else he would have recognised Chiba. It wasn’t like  _ she’d _ ever taken any pictures of anybody.

Her mind went to the previous week. She dropped her head.

“So, then… you saw…”

He’d seen her break down and cry on live TV. He must have. If he’d been watching, he  _ must _ have. And seen her stammer and trip over her words, seen her struggle to properly walk, seen her freeze up when she’d had no reason to…

She flinched as he lay a hand on her head. He then ruffled her hair, softly and gently, and suddenly all the thoughts stopped.

“Hush, hush… You did an amazing job. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, Setsuko.”

She felt like she was small again. A child who’d taken home a test she’d flopped. A child who’d managed to burn the dinner she’d been preparing. A child who’d gotten lost on the way home after she’d spent too long wandering around. Her father had always comforted her like that. Even at times when she hadn’t entirely felt like she’d deserved it.

“I’m sorry I made you feel like you had to push yourself so much because of me. It must have been hard.”

She hadn’t said a word. She’d never told her father why she’d wanted to do it. And yet, somehow, he just knew.

“I wish I could have been there for you more… I wish I could be there now. You deserve somebody who can take care of you.”

She lifted her head.

“Don’t say that… You’re already doing your best.”

“But-“

“No,” she shook her head, voice as firm as she could manage. “You didn’t  _ make _ me do anything. It was my own choice.”

_ That’s right.  _ No matter how much she felt like it, she  _ wasn’t  _ a helpless child anymore. Pressure or not, she’d been the one to make the decision. And, in the end, she’d been the one to go back on it of her own free will. Even if she didn’t have her life together as well as some of her friends… there were still things she was capable of.

“I know I might not be the most mature person out there,” she straightened her back, “and I know I tend to cause a lot of trouble… but I want you to have faith in me. Just like you did when you said I could stay at the dorms.”

Her hands tugged on the fabric of her skirt.

“And I don’t want you badmouthing yourself like that. Not when you haven’t done anything wrong.”

Takahashi had been the same way. He’d kept blaming himself like that too when he’d already been doing his best. When he’d already been doing so much better than she ever could…

She wondered why. Why things had to be this way. Why people she looked up to, people she thought were so much better put together than her thought so little of themselves. Why their standards had to be so high. Why they could never be satisfied.

Maybe, at the end of the day, everyone was like that to some extent. Maybe there just wasn’t anybody out there who could be happy with themselves like that. Maybe it just wasn’t possible.

Or… maybe it was because they were kind. Because as long as there was something they could still do, as long as someone they cared about was struggling with something, they couldn’t feel like they had done enough.

But that wasn’t right. No matter how kind or smart or strong you were, you couldn’t fix everyone else’s problems. There were just some things that would always be out of reach, out of your control. Even she knew that. It was no use, tearing yourself up over things like that.

She reached out to grasp her father’s hand. She’d never noticed how much longer her fingers had become than his.

“I’ll be okay. No matter what, I’m going to be okay. So… you have to promise me that you’re going to take care of yourself too. As much as you can, at least. Or I’ll know and I’ll be  _ very _ upset.”

She’d asked her father many times before. She’d pleaded with him to take things at least a little easier. That she’d do all the chores, she’d cook and clean all on her own, as long as he could get some rest, as long he could cut himself some slack. This, though, was the first time that she actually felt like she’d managed to get through to him, even just a little.

She wasn’t really sure what had done it. Whether there had been something different about her expression or tone this time around, if something had happened while she’d been away, or if perhaps she was just imagining things after all, reading too much into his body language. But her father squeezed her hand the way she’d used to squeeze his, and she felt her chest fill up with warmth.

She didn’t even notice her drink had gone cold.

* * *

“Ahh, by the way… you would not believe the calls I’ve been getting lately.”

“Hm?”

“Some scammer keeps leaving me voice mails. There isn’t even anything believable about them, though, that’s the strange part. Is this really what some people have resorted to these days…?”

“Eeh, really? That sounds kind of scary…”

“Well, it should be fine if I just ignore it. They always stop after a while.”

“I hope so… Please be careful.”

“Of course.”

* * *

**stan ayano (chiba)** Today at 10:11 PM   
i will eat u

**minamoto** Today at 1:21 AM   
WEEHH I WAS OUT W MY DAD

**stan ayano (chiba)** Today at 1:21 AM   
SMH!!!!!!

**stan ayano (chiba)** Today at 1:21 AM   
u couldve sent a quick text >:,,V

**minamoto** Today at 1:21 AM   
weehhhh i nyo i got distracted

**minamoto** Today at 1:21 AM   
but also omg ur still awake

**stan ayano (chiba)** Today at 1:21 AM   
i was waiting for u >:(((((( bastard

**minamoto** Today at 1:21 AM   
WEHHHH IM SORRY

**stan ayano (chiba)** Today at 1:21 AM   
SMH OK W/E I WILL NOT BE STAYING UP AGAIN

**stan ayano (chiba)** Today at 1:22 AM   
if u get kidnapped ull have to wait until morning for me to pay ur ransom

**minamoto** Today at 1:22 AM   
:(

**stan ayano (chiba)** Today at 1:22 AM   
well >:v ur food is still there if u still want it

**stan ayano (chiba)** Today at 1:22 AM   
bork

**minamoto** Today at 1:22 AM   
:D

**stan ayano (chiba)** Today at 1:22 AM   
im going to bed

**minamoto** Today at 1:22 AM   
gn weenie

**stan ayano (chiba)** Today at 1:22 AM   
SMH FUCK U

**stan ayano (chiba)** Today at 1:22 AM   
gn >:,,,((

**minamoto** Today at 1:22 AM   
hehehe


	18. Pansy

_ “What’s wrong?” _

_ … _

_ “Oh, come on… You know you can talk to Mom about anything.” _

_ … _

_ Nod. _

_ “Did something happen at school today?” _

_ “No…” _

_ “Did you get into a fight with one of your friends?” _

_ “No.” _

_ “What do you look so troubled by then?” _

_ … _

_ “…I don’t like the new manager.” _

_ “Has he been mean to you?” _

_ “N-no, it’s not like that… He’s just kind of… creepy. I don’t really know how to explain it.” _

_ “Well… do you want me to go have a chat with him?” _

_ “No, you don’t have to get involved. It’s not like he’s done anything. It’s just… a feeling I have.” _

_ “But you’ll tell me if anything bad happens, right?” _

_ “…Yeah.” _

_ “Alright.” _

_ … _

_ “Do you want to see the cockatiel that was brought in today? He’s a sweet little fellow. Didn’t even try to bite while I was examining him.” _

_ “Sure.” _

* * *

Ever since she’d been a young child, Fujinomiya Kotori knew she was good at intimidating people. A little too good, maybe, considering all the times she’d unintentionally scared off people she’d hoped to talk to. It, however, was the most valuable weapon at her disposal when she had to get information out of people.

That might have been part of why she felt so irritated by Kobayashi’s mere presence. Because with  _ her _ , it didn’t do much at all. Cigarette in hand, expression tired, Kobayashi stared at her in a way that made it fairly obvious she was being a bother.

“Can I help you?”

Kotori had never quite learned to harness her temper properly. It wasn’t as though she was always irritable, there were just a couple things she absolutely couldn’t stand, and this show in particular and the way it was run just happened to fall into that category. So it was no wonder she was having so much trouble putting on a pleasant demeanor when talking to any of the staff.

Still, she did at least try. She didn’t exactly enjoy making things more complicated than they needed to be. How well it was working was another issue.

“Yes, actually,” she straightened her back. “I was just wondering how much longer this will carry on.”

“As in…?”

“The Game,” she frowned; wasn’t it obvious? “Over half the people have dropped out completely. At this rate, I don’t see things ending particularly well.”

Kobayashi sighed.

“You know I’m just the announcer, kid. I have no control over anything.”

Of course she knew that. Kobayashi wasn’t anything special. She was just like the rest of the staff, having to work with what she had. It wasn’t like it was easy to land a well-paying job. Sometimes you’d have to suck it up and settle to get by.

But that didn’t stop the anger she felt.  _ You’re complicit _ , she wanted to say.  _ You’re all complicit. _ She’d never been able to be forgiving and kind like her mother.

“…I know,” she ended up simply saying, swallowing the rebuttals threatening to burst out. She wasn’t here to pick a fight. “I just figured you were the best person to ask. Or… the best person I could get to talk to me, I guess.”

Kobayashi shrugged.

“Well, I hate to disappoint, but I haven’t been told much. These sorts of things usually aren’t discussed in the open.”

She should have guessed as much; Kotori’s shoulders sunk. As Kobayashi continued, though, she perked up.

“There  _ is _ a rumor going around the set that things might have to be put on hold for a while… Don’t take it for granted, though. Views have actually been skyrocketing lately.”

“Scandals don’t bring lasting fame,” Kotori shook her head. “They’ll either cross a line that will get them shut down, or people will lose interest.”

“Kids your age always think they have everything all figured out…”

“I’m pretty sure. I’ve seen enough.”

“The industry isn’t as homogenous as you think. Not everyone ends up like your old manager.”

“…Don’t bring that up. I’d rather not be reminded of it.”

“You’re the one who brought it up first,” Kobayashi glanced at her with a hint of amusement in her eyes.

Kotori clicked her tongue.

She knew  _ she _ hadn’t been the one to dig into her past, but it was still not a comfortable feeling to be faced with it like this. The thought that a stranger knew things about her that she’d have never shared with them in a million years was… frustrating, to say the least.

“Either way, Yokoyama-san has told me enough. Invading students’ privacy and selling their information, all without their knowledge or consent… This isn’t something that will be overlooked so easily, no matter how much they’ll try to dial everything back. Especially now that there are so many eyes on them.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure. Haven’t you seen the world out there?” Kobayashi raised a brow. “People have gotten away with far worse.”

“Not if there’s something I can do about it,” Kotori narrowed her eyes.

Although she didn’t exactly have a plan B yet if things went awry. That was still an issue. Still, moping around about that wasn’t going to get anything done.

Kobayashi chuckled.

“I do like your energy… I’m kind of jealous you can be so optimistic.”

It took Kotori a couple moments to be able to formulate a response to that.

“It’s not optimism.”

“Then what would you call it?”

“…Determination, I guess.”

“Same thing, pretty much,” Kobayashi laughed.

Pushing herself away from the walls she’d been leaning against, she put out her cigarette. She threw it into the nearest trash can, then shoved her hands into her pockets.

“Good luck, I suppose. I hope things turn out well for you.”

“…Thank you,” Kotori bowed her head slightly, moreso out of obligation than anything.

Kobayashi turned her back as she headed back into the gymnasium.

* * *

She did wonder if she was just reading too much into the atmosphere, but it seemed like most of the others who were still around seemed to be feeling at least somewhat under the weather. Rena was visibly sulking, though she also looked like she was doing her best to cover it up, with Nakajima next to her seemingly both clueless and concerned. Momoko was chatting with Aragaki in a pretty lighthearted manner, but something was clearly bothering her judging by her lackluster amount of energy.

Most peculiarly of all, Kageyama was being oddly quiet. She wouldn’t have called him a friend – they really didn’t talk much –, but even she could tell something about him was just off. Normally you couldn’t get him to shut up, but right now he seemed to be spacing out in a corner, hands in his pockets, deep in thought about something, with a frown that she’d never seen him wear before.

“One of those days, huh?”

Kotori turned her head to see Komatsu with her hands in her pockets, head cocked to the side. As usual, she seemed to have managed to get her appearance in order in time; her white dress shirt was immaculate and ironed thoroughly. Even with that, though, the lethargy that seemed to be present throughout the entire space seemed to be seeping out of her as well.

Kotori greeted her with a polite bow.

“Did something happen, Komatsu-san?”

“Not that I’m aware of… but I don’t keep tabs on everyone,” she shrugged.

“Oh… I would have assumed you’d know something.”

“Why?”

“Since your mood doesn’t exactly seem to be soaring either.”

To that, Komatsu suppressed a smirk.

“How’s that anythin’ unusual?”

Kotori frowned.

“I meant moreso than normal.”

“I got that,” she snickered. Shifting her weight from one foot to another, she looked around in a nonchalant manner. “Dunno what’s got everyone else’s panties in a twist, sorry. I’ve been kinda busy.”

Well… Komatsu  _ did _ tend to get mopier around exam season. She was probably just overwhelmed with the amount of work she was having to do. She  _ was _ studying medicine, and Kotori knew firsthand how brutal that could get. She herself was luckier than most, having already learned a lot from watching her mother at work; that was probably the main reason why she could still afford to take time to relax between all her classes. And it wasn’t like it was her business, she reminded herself. They weren’t close enough for her to ask. It would have been far too awkward.

“I hope you’ll feel better soon, then,” she simply said, folding her arms over her chest.

Komatsu looked her over one last time, a mischievous glint in her eye.

“Sounds sarcastic, comin’ from you.”

_ Goddammit. _

* * *

She had to wonder how much time it had to have taken to fill the massive inflatable pool they had set up. It wasn’t just extremely wide – spanning over nearly the entire gymnasium – but also decently deep from what she could tell. She felt sorry for whoever had to prepare that; surely it would have been much more convenient and cheaper to just go to an  _ actual _ pool…?

She pursed her lips as she sat by the edge, staring at the huge floating rubber duck she’d been given. She didn’t really mind if she was going to end up looking silly. What other people thought of her was hardly high on her list of concerns. If anything, she’d hoped it would make her appear more approachable to some of her peers that were still too intimidated by her to talk to her, but that didn’t seem to have changed much. Besides, the duck was actually kind of cute…

It was really just the principle. If she had been at a friend’s place, messing around in private, she probably would have been able to loosen up enough to be able to relax and have fun. But the underlying truth to everything just didn’t want to leave her mind. It was  _ so _ difficult to convince herself to at least try to have fun when she’d already learned so much of what was going on behind the scenes.

“Are you okay, Kotori-chan?”

When she turned her head, she was met with a mildly concerned Momoko.

“I’m fine. Why?”

“You just seem kind of grumpy, I guess. More than the usual, I mean…”

Kotori frowned.

“This is just my face.”

Momoko laughed sheepishly.

“I guess I was just imagining things…”

Not too far behind her, Aragaki was crouching with her arms crossed, seemingly lost in thought.

“What about you? You seemed like you were discussing something really serious with Aragaki-san.”

Momoko’s gaze flickered to Aragaki for a moment.

“Oh, haha… Did you overhear that?”

“Not really. I didn’t hear anything.”

“Ah…”

She bit her lip.

“It’s not really  _ that _ serious, I don’t think. Just… drama. You know. The usual.”

“Drama…?”

“Your friends arguing with each other and stuff… But it should blow over soon. I think. It usually does.”

“Hm…”

Kotori paused. She had a decent enough idea now, she just wasn’t sure if bringing it up would have been good. But then again, Momoko was hardly the irritable type. If anything, she was far, far too nice, so maybe it was best to lend her some words of wisdom.

“It’s not about Izumi, is it?”

She could instantly tell she was right from the way Momoko twitched at that.

“How did you know?”

“It’s always about him, isn’t it? It was the easiest guess,” she shrugged.

Momoko seemed to be hesitating, and Kotori used that to continue.

“Just my two cents, but… if he’s involved, I doubt it’ll just blow over like that. I really think you should try to put your foot down.”

It wasn’t her business. Even if Momoko was her friend, it wasn’t her right to tell her how to manage her own relationships. But manipulative assholes like Izumi got on her nerves far too much to just let this sort of thing slide, especially when it came to someone she cared about.

Momoko averted her gaze.

“Rena-chan said that too…”

_ Huh.  _ Kotori would have expected Aragaki to have plenty to say about it, but Rena was a surprise. She did suppose she could be oddly stubborn at times, but she would have taken her as the perfect person to be able to fall for Izumi’s bullshit fake apologising.

“Can we not talk about this right now?” Momoko sighed, shifting around uncomfortably. “I’m just… so tired.”

“Sorry.”

She waved a hand.

“You’re fine.”

This was the moment Kotori noticed they didn’t have much time left before the round would begin, so she swiftly wrapped up the conversation by politely wishing her good luck.

Momoko gave her a small smile.

The actual task wasn’t too bad. Paddle from one end to another with whatever floatation device you’ve been given in the smallest amount of time. Honestly, with the weather outside, getting wet sounded like a relief more than anything…

That might have been partially why she was so surprised when, upon almost falling off and landing in the water, she found herself dangling somewhere in-between, with Kageyama having caught her by the arm at the last second.

_ Dumbass, _ was her first thought. Not out of any sort of annoyance, just as a matter of fact. It was so unnecessary and – while she wasn’t exactly invested in the rules – so against the point. Kageyama, though, didn’t seem to care as he pulled her back up, then offered a thumbs up as a sort of encouragement.

She immediately splashed him with water. She could hear him let out a startled giggle as she turned away to get back to the task. He couldn’t have been feeling that bad if he still had enough energy to clown around.

After she finally reached the other side, she politely rejected the towel she’d been offered, and she noted silently that she’d come in third after Momoko and Aragaki. No surprise there, considering they were by far the most athletic ones out of everyone here…

Komatsu and Nakajima both seemed to have given up after a while, with the former peacefully floating on her back, and the latter stuck in place, clinging on with a face like his very life was in danger.

Kotori didn’t approach anybody. She was far too distraught, impatiently tapping her foot, waiting for everything to be over so she could finally pull out her phone. She had so many things to get to, so much to think over…

She was so deep in thought, in fact, she ended up jumping a little when Rena began intensely poking her, whining with a playful tone about why she hadn’t waited for her. She apologised out of reflex, and Rena tilted her head in confusion.

* * *

**vesta** Today at 1:01 PM   
by the way

**tutturu (nao)** Today at 1:03 PM   
whats up (´｡• ω •｡`)

**vesta** Today at 1:03 PM   
u wouldnt happen to know abt what went down between momoko-san and izumi right??

**tutturu (nao)** Today at 1:03 PM   
uhhh

**tutturu (nao)** Today at 1:03 PM   
no not rlly sorry

**vesta** Today at 1:03 PM   
idk maybe im overthinking thinsg

**vesta** Today at 1:03 PM   
things*

**tutturu (nao)** Today at 1:04 PM   
i dont think u should be that worried tbh (´｡• ω •｡`)

**tutturu (nao)** Today at 1:04 PM   
im p sure arachin would stop things from going too far

**tutturu (nao)** Today at 1:04 PM   
if u want i could still ask for u tho (* ^ ω ^)

**vesta** Today at 1:04 PM   
no its okay but ty for offering

**vesta** Today at 1:04 PM   
i dont want to make momoko-san feel pressured or anything

**vesta** Today at 1:04 PM   
ill just let her handle things ig

**vesta** Today at 1:05 PM   
i can uh

**vesta** Today at 1:05 PM   
leave you to your work rn???

**tutturu (nao)** Today at 1:05 PM   
looool im on a snack break

**tutturu (nao)** Today at 1:05 PM   
btw how was this morning

**vesta** Today at 1:05 PM   
why do you ask

**tutturu (nao)** Today at 1:06 PM   
just wanna know if i missed out on anything

**tutturu (nao)** Today at 1:06 PM   
havent had time to catch up (￣ω￣)

**vesta** Today at 1:06 PM   
well

**vesta** Today at 1:06 PM   
u didnt miss much

**vesta** Today at 1:06 PM   
it was p uneventful

**vesta** Today at 1:06 PM   
good on you for ditching tbh i wish that was me

**tutturu (nao)** Today at 1:08 PM   
u know ur also free to

**vesta** Today at 1:08 PM   
(. . )

**vesta** Today at 1:08 PM   
i have stuff to do

**tutturu (nao)** Today at 1:08 PM   
stuff

**vesta** Today at 1:08 PM   
well yes i still wanna try to win

**vesta** Today at 1:08 PM   
atm its the only thing i can think of to try

**tutturu (nao)** Today at 1:09 PM   
(￢_￢;)

**tutturu (nao)** Today at 1:09 PM   
ig its ur decision

**tutturu (nao)** Today at 1:09 PM   
i do hope it goes well for u

**tutturu (nao)** Today at 1:09 PM   
i am kinda salty tho

**vesta** Today at 1:09 PM   
you are??

**tutturu (nao)** Today at 1:09 PM   
not @ u

**tutturu (nao)** Today at 1:09 PM   
just like

**tutturu (nao)** Today at 1:09 PM   
everything in general

**tutturu (nao)** Today at 1:12 PM   
it wouldve just been nice to get to hang a bit n have fun w a bunch of ppl u know kinda like an extended party or smth, ive always liked watching game shows and stuff and i thought itd be rlly neat

**tutturu (nao)** Today at 1:12 PM   
so im just kinda disappointed this one turned out to be shitty ig (`ヘ´)

**tutturu (nao)** Today at 1:12 PM   
ik it cant be helped tho

**vesta** Today at 1:14 PM   
ah yeah that sucks

**vesta** Today at 1:14 PM   
you could still plan stuff tho?? maybe during summer break

**tutturu (nao)** Today at 1:14 PM   
true

**tutturu (nao)** Today at 1:14 PM   
would u come if i invited u

**vesta** Today at 1:15 PM   
im not sure

**tutturu (nao)** Today at 1:15 PM   
(｡•́ ︿ • ̀ ｡ )

**vesta** Today at 1:15 PM   
smh dont give me that look

**vesta** Today at 1:15 PM   
i guess i could think about it

**tutturu (nao)** Today at 1:16 PM   
u should!! ik u dont rlly like crowds but its not like we need to yeet everyone right over at the same time

**tutturu (nao)** Today at 1:16 PM   
it could be like

**tutturu (nao)** Today at 1:16 PM   
just some chillin

**tutturu (nao)** Today at 1:16 PM   
gaming night w takeout (｡- ω -)

**vesta** Today at 1:16 PM   
maybe

**vesta** Today at 1:17 PM   
that does sound kind of nice

**tutturu (nao)** Today at 1:17 PM   
yeye!

**vesta** Today at 1:17 PM   
u can just message me ig and ill see when im free

**tutturu (nao)** Today at 1:17 PM   
( ✧ ω ✧ )

**tutturu (nao)** Today at 1:17 PM   
ill hold u to that

* * *

Yokoyama had sounded tired enough on the phone, but it was a whole another thing seeing her in person. The last time Kotori had seen her in this state had been around finals. She looked like she’d hardly slept, and the frown that seemed to have permanently embedded itself in her face made her resemble some sort of grumpy little hedgehog in combination with her disheveled hair.

She cracked open the beer Kotori had offered to her without hesitation, downing most of it in one go. The polite thank you at the end made for a funny contrast with how fast she’d chugged it. Some of the passersby gave them both perplexed looks, but if they were thinking of approaching them, Kotori’s stern looks were more than enough to ward them off. They probably shouldn’t have been drinking right in front of a convenience store, but she wasn’t going to fret over it too much.

“I’m going to lose my mind, I swear,” Yokoyama grumbled, glaring at the can as though it had personally offended her. A moment later, she reluctantly continued: “Not literally. It’s not as if it’s anything out of the ordinary. Or anything I hadn’t been prepared for. Nevertheless, it’s frustrating beyond anything I could express with words. I wish I could just…” she extended a hand forward, miming choking out somebody. “…Just as a figure-“

“A figure of speech. I got that.”

“Ah… Good.”

Yokoyama let out a heavy sigh.

“I’m sorry for all the complaining… I just need to let everything out every once in a while. Stress relief.”

“It’s not like I mind.”

“It’s just not very polite.”

“I don’t see why that should matter… We aren’t holding some formal meeting.”

Yokoyama opened her mouth, as though to reflexively argue, but she couldn’t come up with a response in the end. Instead, she finished her beer. She looked as though she was briefly contemplating trying her luck with throwing the now empty can into the nearest bin from afar, but it didn’t seem like she was quite disgruntled enough for that. She deposited it about as carefully as she usually would have.

“…I could go for a couple more drinks,” she pursed her lips. “Assuming you’re available, that is. And if you wouldn’t mind discussing the rest in such a manner.”

Kotori paused.

“I’d rather not go to a bar right now. I’m just not really in the mood.”

“Campus or my place would also be fine, if that’s the issue. Keiji loves to stockpile liquor, so there’s more than enough.”

The offer was certainly tempting. How long had it been since she’d taken the time to relax with some drinks? She’d been trying to cut back lately after she’d realised she’d been resorting to drinking at the end of every even moderately shitty day – both for the sake of her health and her wallet –, but it should have been fine every once in a while. She was still allowed to enjoy herself. Besides, Yokoyama was one of the most responsible drinkers she knew; if she was there to keep watch, she was hardly going to be crossing any lines.

She gave in with a weak shrug.

“I suppose that’s fine… but I won’t be staying for too long. It’s already kind of late, and I’d rather not go back to staying up past midnight…”

_ You should really try to get some more sleep too, _ she thought. She didn’t actually comment on it, though. Yokoyama should have been aware already. She just thought her work was more important, more than likely, in which case there was no use bothering her about it. She doubted she would’ve been able to convince her anyway.

“That’s okay,” Yokoyama nodded. Her demeanor seemed to lighten slightly at her agreement. “I do appreciate you listening to me. It’s nice, being able to vent to somebody.”

Kotori raised a brow.

“What about Akiyama-san?”

Yokoyama fiddled with her hair momentarily.

“I don’t want to trouble Keiji too much. I always worry he’ll be bothered if he sees me being upset so often.”

Akiyama hardly seemed like the type, but she supposed Yokoyama would have known him better than she did. And it wasn’t any of her business to begin with.

She hummed.

“I’m happy to help, then.”

* * *

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:30 PM   
can you chill for 2 fucking seconds

**I Am Damaged** Today at 8:30 PM   
You chill i havent done anything wrong

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:30 PM   
lmao yikes

**I Am Damaged** Today at 8:30 PM   
Dont lmao me you try being in my shoes well see how long you last

**I Am Damaged** Today at 8:30 PM   
I dont think its weird for me to be fucking pissed all things considered

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:31 PM   
its just a phone you pissbaby

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:31 PM   
go buy another one if its bugging u so much

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:31 PM   
but also idk why u think its ok for u to go off @ us just bc ur upset

**I Am Damaged** Today at 8:31 PM   
Im going off because youre being an insensitive asshole

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:31 PM   
oh IM the insensitive one?? thats funny

**I Am Damaged** Today at 8:31 PM   
Maybe if you werent such a coldhearted callous jackass i wouldnt be so upset with you

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:31 PM   
dont care

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:32 PM   
throw ur fit elsewhere or im blocking

**I Am Damaged** Today at 8:32 PM   
Fuck you u cant just block me because you dont like that im telling it how it is

**tamatama (momo)** Today at 8:32 PM   
Guys can you pls not

**I Am Damaged** Today at 8:32 PM   
Fuck off you stupid bitch stop being a fucking fencesitter

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:32 PM   
ok thats it

* * *

“’n’ my seniors keep actin’ like I’m some sorta clueless brat, can ya believe that? Oh, I’m  _ so _ sorry for carin’ ‘bout the state of the world, I’ll be sure to turn off my feelin’s next time, I promise! Reducin’ people to numbers is fine ‘n’ dandy, ya right! Love that. Imbeciles, every last one of ‘em…”

_ Whatever happened to drinking responsibly? _

Whether or not this had just been the last straw or if she’d been waiting to let loose like this for a while, Yokoyama certainly hadn’t held back. Akiyama was away at work, apparently; their apartment was silent as they entered. Kotori had never visited them before, so she’d found herself pretty distracted by how immaculately clean the place seemed to be as Yokoyama had opened up one of the cabinets to pick out a bottle of wine.

She herself hadn’t drunk much. She still needed to get back to campus later, after all. Besides, getting a little tipsy was more than enough. Yokoyama, on the other hand, was far enough gone to be slipping back into her old dialect, which was actually something she’d never observed before. It was rather odd, seeing her so out of control for a change. She supposed that was just another reason for her to try to stay at least somewhat sober, since she didn’t really know if Yokoyama was the type of drunk who needed to be watched over to prevent her from doing something stupid.

She did consider calling up Akiyama at some point. It was definitely much later than she’d originally planned to leave, and she wasn’t going to just leave Yokoyama on her own while she was in this state. The conversation just felt a little too awkward, though, to have with someone that she wasn’t overly familiar with. And she couldn’t just call her friends in the middle of the night to come babysit someone else…

So, there she was, listening along to Yokoyama’s disjointed but very much lengthy rambles, watching her pour herself another glass of wine.

“I really think you ought to stop,” she remarked. “Don’t you think you’ve had enough already?”

“Have I?” Yokoyama questioned, looking at the bottle, then back at the glass in her hands. “It ain’t that much between us two…”

“You know I’ve only had one glass…”

“Wait, ya serious?”

“Y-yes…?”

“Explains why I’ve been feelin’ so woozy, goddamn.”

_ Oh, geez… _ She was really out of it, wasn’t she? Kotori shook her head in disbelief. She should have known things were going to end up like this when Yokoyama had started going off on loosely related tangents at best instead of briefing her on what she’d managed to find out like she’d promised. She couldn’t be too upset, though, considering she’d already been a lot of help. It wasn’t like this was the norm.

She could always text her some other time, she supposed.

“I don’t suppose you’d wanna finish this for me, then?” Yokoyama held out her glass, as though it was the next best solution.

Kotori let out a sigh.

“You shouldn’t have been so eager to pour it.”

She took it anyway. Might as well, if it would get her to stop… She herself wasn’t much of a lightweight anyway.

Yokoyama leaned back, eyes unfocused.

“Y’know… I’ve been thinkin’.”

“Mmm?”

“Bein’ a lawyer kinda sucks.”

“Uh huh…”

“I love studyin’ law, though! But everythin’ takes ages ‘n’ you’re always drownin’ in paperwork.”

“Why don’t you switch careers then?”

“’cause I don’t wanna. I do actually enjoy it, y’know! But it also sucks.”

She was probably just rambling whatever was coming into her mind by this point. Kotori took a small sip, wondering how much longer it would take for Akiyama to get home.

“…Why did you want to be a lawyer anyway?”

She wasn’t actually expecting a coherent response; she was mostly just looking for a way to pass the time. To her surprise, though, Yokoyama did actually reply.

“’cause of my parents.”

“What, did they force you?”

“No, nothin’ like that. It’s just… kinda a family thing. They’re renowned prosecutors, ‘n’ I figured I was supposed to continue that or somethin’. Y’know how as a kid you wanna be like your parents ‘n’ stuff.”

“Oh…”

“Or that’s why I started studyin’ it anyways,” she shrugged, leaning on one of her hands. She was starting to look increasingly indignant. “Prosecution ain’t my thing though.”

“It’s not?”

“Yeah. Lotsa stuff happened ‘n’ I just wasn’t feelin’ it anymore. It’s kinda a long story, but…”

Kotori had a feeling if the conversation went on for much longer, Yokoyama was going to regret spilling everything like that later. When it came to her family, she’d always been a private person. She rarely ever talked about her relatives, and even then she’d usually leave a lot of details quite vague. It must have been the alcohol that had made her so talkative.

“Yokoyama-san-“

At the same time, though, Yokoyama was hardly even paying attention to her anymore. She must have gotten lost in her thoughts completely, as she seemed to be staring off into space, wearing a very displeased frown. Kotori quickly realised she probably wasn’t going to be able to get through to her after she’d called her name a couple times, and she decided to just let it go for now. She could just promise to keep anything she shared between the two of them.

“Mmm… Y’know my brother, right?”

“I… don’t believe I do, actually.”

“Ah, yeah… I forgot. It’s mostly ‘cause of him, though.”

Yokoyama leaned further back, tilting her head to stare up at the ceiling.

“He’s, uh, way older than me. I forget by how much. We didn’t really get to hang out a lot as kids ‘n’ stuff. Or I guess I just don’t remember most of it ‘cause I was pretty young ‘n’ my memories’re pretty hazy…”

She huffed.

“When he was in high school, though, he got arrested ‘cause of drugs. He went to jail for a really long time ‘cause of it. ‘n’ my parents lost their minds ‘n’ basically disowned him ‘cause they were really big on upholdin’ your reputation ‘n’ stuff. ‘n’ ‘cause I was just a small kid they filled my head with all sortsa stuff ‘bout him that just wasn’t true.”

She was eyeing the bottle again, though she made no moves towards it.

“Long story short, by the time I found out ‘bout everythin’ it was kinda too late. Well… not  _ really _ , but that’s kinda how it feels. ‘cause I didn’t get to see him for basically over a decade, y’know? ‘n’ he’s a really good guy ‘n’ it just sucks that everythin’ was ruined for him just like that. It’s… kinda hard to talk to him too ‘cause I kinda feel responsible for abandonin’ him alongside everyone else.”

She let out a sigh.

“But… yeah. I just don’t wanna see people end up like that. So… at some point I changed my mind ‘n’ figured I’d be able to do a lot more good as a defense attorney ‘n’ stuff. It just feels right. My parents’re pretty upset ‘bout it, but… what’re ya gonna do. Ain’t nothin’ they can do to change my mind by this point.”

She  _ definitely _ wasn’t supposed to have heard any of that. Yokoyama just wasn’t the type to vent so openly, in such a blunt way. She was feeling pretty awkward and maybe a little guilty about it, as though she’d eavesdropped on a family argument of some kind. Like she’d invaded her privacy.

Her mind flashed back to Yokoyama’s performance, and it was suddenly starting to make a lot more sense. She must have been talking about her brother back then. She’d been so vague, so cryptic… She must have not been comfortable enough to talk about it openly in front of so many people. Perhaps she’d also felt like she ought to keep it a secret for her brother’s sake. It definitely didn’t sound like the sort of thing one would want to openly broadcast.

And yet… right now, she was talking with such passion in her voice. It sounded so much more sincere than her usual speeches where she’d use such formal, almost poetic language. Kotori had always just assumed she was just too awkward to say these things straight out and properly express her feelings. Right now, though, she was doing it. Part of her couldn’t help but wonder if somewhere deep down Yokoyama did need to share the story with somebody.

Kotori folded her hands in her lap.

“…I don’t think you should be holding yourself responsible like that.”

Yokoyama blinked back at her, somewhat dazed.

“Huh?”

“You said you were just a child. The fault lies with your parents then, not with you.”

Kotori averted her gaze. She was rarely ever the type to attempt to comfort people with words. She was good at providing rational advice, but she’d always felt somewhat awkward when someone chose to be emotionally vulnerable around her. She’d always had a sort of anxiety that she wouldn’t be able to say the right words, that she would only end up making them feel worse in the end. It was just easier to direct them towards somebody who was actually good at that sort of thing, somebody like Yuki or Momoko.

Right now, though, she wanted to. Even if she couldn’t help but look down on Yokoyama in some ways, she’d never thought she had bad intentions. Yokoyama was a kind person at heart, and she was clearly doing her best. And that was something Kotori had always admired in other people.

“Besides, regretting the past won’t do anything to change it,” she said, voice as gentle as she could manage. “It sounds to me like you are already doing everything you can, and that’s the most important thing. I’m sure your brother understands this.”

She might have also been trying to convince herself with those words. It wasn’t like she couldn’t sympathize. Not a day would pass when she wouldn’t think back to everything her mother had gone through when she’d just been a child, when she wouldn’t wonder how she could have remained oblivious for so long.

Yokoyama would have probably told her the same thing, though, if she’d been the one to open up to her. Maybe, despite everything, they were more alike than she had originally thought.

Before Yokoyama could reply to anything she’d said, the lock to the main door was turning. Kotori’s heart jumped in her chest for a moment instinctively before she remembered Yokoyama didn’t live on her own; as she peeked over out into the hallway, she saw Akiyama stifle a yawn as he entered, kicking off his shoes.

When their eyes met, he greeted her with a mildly surprised but nonchalant wave.

“Fujinomiya-chan… What brings ya here?”

Kotori nodded back at him stiffly.

“Yokoyama-san has invited me over for some drinks. I would have left a bit earlier, but… well…”

Both of their eyes drifted towards Yokoyama at the same time. When Kotori looked back, she could see Akiyama managed to get a pretty good idea of everything.

“Keijiiii…” Yokoyama staggered to her feet, slightly swaying from side to side. Without hesitation, Akiyama strode over to steady her carefully before she could trip and fall. “Welcome home…! I’ve missed ya; where’ve ya been?”

“Night shift,” Akiyama reminded her as he looked her over. His hands remained on her shoulders right until she enveloped him in a hug, burying her head in his chest; he let out a startled laugh. “Whoa there… How much’ve ya had to drink?”

“More than I was supposed to, prolly… I kinda lost track.”

“I can see that.”

As Kotori got to her feet, Akiyama nodded in her direction.

“Thanks for keepin’ an eye on Hiromin. I owe ya one.”

“Ah… yes. It was no problem. I was just kind of worried is all.”

“Haha… Yeah, she usually ain’t one for drinkin’ this much. She musta been pretty out of it.”

He gestured towards the main door.

“You’re free to go now, if ya want. I’ll take care of everythin’ here.”

As laidback as his tone was, she had a feeling he did really mean it. Yokoyama had mentioned to her before that she hadn’t had much time to do housework, but the place was practically spotless.  _ Someone _ had to have taken care of it. So he  _ could _ be responsible when it really mattered, it would seem.

Kotori bowed politely before she headed towards the door, leaving the glass Yokoyama had handed her almost completely untouched, still very much filled with wine. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Akiyama stare at it for a couple seconds before he poured it into an empty plastic bottle with a soft sigh.

* * *

**DD** @creamfilleddonuts · June 29   
I like how we are moving on like nothing happened haha  #HPAEG

**eruru** @pannacotta636363 · June 29   
kotori-chan going strong as always!! (〃艸〃)♡♡ i love her sm

**Pancake King** @m6f8zy30413 · June 29   
Megathread of today’s clips~ Sorry for disabling the replies, I need to take a bit of a mental health break.  #HPAEG

**purin** @helloworld9876 · June 29   
yall understand that watching trash tv is just gonna generate more of it right. not to be the bearer of bad news but everything is just gonna keep going until yall npcs learn how to consume entertainment

**kiwi’s corner** @kiwidraws · June 29   
DONT GIVE UP!! KEEP POSTING!!! KEEP FIGHTING FOR IZUMIN  #justiceforizumin

**Chai** @chaiteatime1203 · June 29   
theres a lot of misinformation out there so heres a thread with a whole bunch of resources if youd like to be better informed on the whole situation  #HPAEG


	19. Ambrosia

_ You’re not really the type to get into fights. Sure, you bicker with your friends quite often, and you’ve definitely made people uncomfortable before by how blunt you can be, but serious confrontations you avoid like the plague. They’re far too draining, and you just don’t have the patience. So you cave and apologise, even if you don’t think you did anything wrong. Or you stay quiet and let people ramble on, even though you know for a fact that they’re hilariously off base. Maybe you overlook it patiently if they cross a line, maybe you wait to point it out if they’ve said something that bothers you until you just can’t take it anymore. _

_ It usually works. People don’t complain about you. Strangers give you compliments about how well-mannered you are, and your friends can usually figure out on their own when to back off, so all is well and good. You’ve got an iron grip on your temper, so even when you snap, it’s never explosive. It’s firm, but quiet. Hardly any worse than the sarcastic comments you normally make anyway. People are quick to apologise, and you tell them it’s fine. It’s not really, but what else are you supposed to say? ‘Grovel at my knees and maybe I’ll forgive you’? You just can’t be bothered. _

_ You’ve gotten used to it. It’s familiar and comfortable. It’s like a boss fight that you’ve beaten over and over to the point where you’ve got pretty much all of the moves memorized. By now, it comes without effort. _

_ Today, though, it doesn’t work. You have no idea why. You don’t really think it should have been that out of the ordinary. A little concern is fine, maybe – part of you kind of appreciates it. But you weren’t looking for a pep talk. _

_ Chiba’s always like that. He’s only older by about 3 months, and yet he won’t stop treating you like you’re some child that needs to be protected. Like you need to be watched over – you really don’t –, like you’re in need of advice – you really aren’t. _

_ Normally, though, he’s not quite this persistent about it. He will only sometimes pester you when he sees you having ice cream for dinner, posture like a vulture in front of your computer screen. He will only occasionally point out that you really ought to get some exercise, that it’ll be good for you, that you really shouldn’t be sitting on your ass all day long. He reminds you to go to bed early but won’t flood your DMs if he sees you online later. _

_ He doesn’t usually try to fight you on it. _

_ You’ve done what you could. You’ve told him you don’t care, that nothing he could tell you is going to change your mind, but he’s still there, going off, and it’s making your head hurt. _

_ It’s not like he’s being especially loud or rude. If anything, he’s being far nicer and more patient than what you’ve gotten used to. He’s looking at you all concerned, and you know without any uncertainty that he genuinely believes he’s doing the right thing. _

_ That just makes it worse. What are you going to do, yell at him for trying to be a good friend? Annoying and troublesome as you find it, you can’t just scold him for that. You’re not a jackass. He should at least listen when you’ve said you don’t want to talk, though. Is that so much to ask? What is he, your mom? _

_ After a certain point, you do reach your limit. You’re beyond irritated, and the last thing you want to do is end up blurting out something you know you’d regret later. So you dig around for your handheld in your bag, then excuse yourself with a curt goodbye. _

_ At least he knows not to follow you; the tension you’ve been feeling eases somewhat. You close the door behind you, and you set out into the hallway in search of a deserted corner where you can hang out until you feel like you can bear being in the vicinity of other people again. You freak out for a moment when you think you’ve forgotten your phone, only to realise it’s been in your pocket the entire time. _

* * *

**minamoto** Today at 3:24 PM   
you had a fight with hanamiya-san???

**stan ayano** Today at 3:24 PM   
well idk if id call it a fight

**minamoto** Today at 3:24 PM   
>://??

**stan ayano** Today at 3:24 PM   
dont >:// me ill eat you whole

**minamoto** Today at 3:24 PM   
if its not a fight then why were u looking all mopey and sad when i bumped into u earlier

**stan ayano** Today at 3:24 PM   
i was not

**minamoto** Today at 3:24 PM   
yeah you were you looked like ud just gotten broken up with

**stan ayano** Today at 3:25 PM   
in a world where i can get laid

**minamoto** Today at 3:25 PM   
heeheehaha v funny

**minamoto** Today at 3:25 PM   
i almost reflexively said ‘ik were not rlly friends but’ ashjksahkjsa

**stan ayano** Today at 3:25 PM   
oh my fucking god

**minamoto** Today at 3:25 PM   
aaaaanyway

**minamoto** Today at 3:25 PM   
you can probably just wait until later to talk things out right

**minamoto** Today at 3:26 PM   
idk if its a good idea to push stuff so hard rn if he doesnt wanna talk about it

**stan ayano** Today at 3:26 PM   
ya ik im just kinda worried that hes never gonna be actually feeling up to talking abt it bc hes just Like That

**minamoto** Today at 3:26 PM   
well what else is there to do tho

**stan ayano** Today at 3:26 PM   
idk

**minamoto** Today at 3:28 PM   
im just saying id personally appreciate being given some space

**minamoto** Today at 3:28 PM   
if i was in his shoes i mean

**minamoto** Today at 3:28 PM   
bc you can be kind of uhhh

**minamoto** Today at 3:28 PM   
overbearing

**stan ayano** Today at 3:28 PM   
wow ok

**minamoto** Today at 3:28 PM   
HEY IM JUST TRYING TO HELP

**minamoto** Today at 3:28 PM   
u wretched hobgoblin

**stan ayano** Today at 3:28 PM   
SMH IK >:VVV

**minamoto** Today at 3:28 PM   
wryyyyyyyyyy

**stan ayano** Today at 3:28 PM   
wryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

**stan ayano** Today at 3:29 PM   
fr tho id tell you more but you guys dont rlly talk much so idk how comfy he would be w me just sharing this stuff w random ppl

**minamoto** Today at 3:29 PM   
yea thats fine idm

**stan ayano** Today at 3:29 PM   
ig ill just let him brood for a while and see if that does anything

**stan ayano** Today at 3:29 PM   
maybe try to lure him back with some food

**minamoto** Today at 3:29 PM   
like hes some wild animal

**stan ayano** Today at 3:29 PM   
he is man hes like a whole ass bear

**stan ayano** Today at 3:29 PM   
i. hm

**stan ayano** Today at 3:29 PM   
dont like how that came out

**minamoto** Today at 3:29 PM   
ASHSHAHSAK

**minamoto** Today at 3:30 PM   
i think hes more of a twink

**minamoto** Today at 3:30 PM   
but like

**minamoto** Today at 3:30 PM   
thicc

**stan ayano** Today at 3:30 PM   
why would you make me read that with my own two eyes

**minamoto** Today at 3:30 PM   
twincc

**stan ayano** Today at 3:30 PM   
please never speak again

**stan ayano** Today at 3:31 PM   
i wish we could go back to when u were still scared shitless of me you have too much power now

**minamoto** Today at 3:31 PM   
nyehehe

**minamoto** Today at 3:31 PM   
ashjkas ur not actually uncomfy right pls tell me if u are

**stan ayano** Today at 3:31 PM   
DLSKDLS NO IM NOT

**minamoto** Today at 3:31 PM   
ASJKAHKJSAH

**stan ayano** Today at 3:31 PM   
lmao loser

**minamoto** Today at 3:31 PM   
>:,,V

* * *

**tutturu (stinky bastarde)** Today at 2:31 PM   
*shuffles into ur dms*

**taka b miya** Today at 3:41 PM   
*notices ur bulge* owo whats this

**tutturu (stinky bastarde)** Today at 3:41 PM   
(￣ヘ￣)

**tutturu (stinky bastarde)** Today at 3:41 PM   
ive come to talk

**taka b miya** Today at 3:41 PM   
did chiba-kun send you

**tutturu (stinky bastarde)** Today at 3:41 PM   
yea

**tutturu (stinky bastarde)** Today at 3:41 PM   
or no ig?? he didnt tell me to do anything im here on my own

**taka b miya** Today at 3:42 PM   
im so glad my friends are talking about me behind my back

**tutturu (stinky bastarde)** Today at 3:42 PM   
(￢_￢) someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today

**taka b miya** Today at 3:42 PM   
ok well im sorry but

**taka b miya** Today at 3:42 PM   
its kind of none of you guys business????

**taka b miya** Today at 3:42 PM   
i dont want this to turn into some huge drama or w/e itd just be nice to have my decisions be respected for once in my fuckin life

**tutturu (stinky bastarde)** Today at 3:42 PM   
bro i didnt even say anything yet i said i just came to talk

**tutturu (stinky bastarde)** Today at 3:42 PM   
why are u immediately assuming im here to jump ur ass looool

**taka b miya** Today at 3:46 PM   
oh

**taka b miya** Today at 3:46 PM   
whoops

**taka b miya** Today at 3:46 PM   
heated gamer moment

**taka b miya** Today at 3:46 PM   
i totally just made myself look like a fucking clown man im sorry

**tutturu (stinky bastarde)** Today at 3:46 PM   
lololol its fine u big baby

**taka b miya** Today at 3:46 PM   
wait what did you actually want then

**tutturu (stinky bastarde)** Today at 3:46 PM   
i just wanted to ask abt it

**taka b miya** Today at 3:46 PM   
abt what

**tutturu (stinky bastarde)** Today at 3:46 PM   
like are u really dropping out of uni

**taka b miya** Today at 3:49 PM   
prolly

**tutturu (stinky bastarde)** Today at 3:49 PM   
how come

**taka b miya** Today at 3:49 PM   
idk

**taka b miya** Today at 3:49 PM   
im tired

**tutturu (stinky bastarde)** Today at 3:49 PM   
why dont u at least wait until the semester is done and just take a break?

**taka b miya** Today at 3:49 PM   
eh

**tutturu (stinky bastarde)** Today at 3:50 PM   
im not gonna push it

**tutturu (stinky bastarde)** Today at 3:50 PM   
i mean ur jobs been working p good for u

**tutturu (stinky bastarde)** Today at 3:50 PM   
i doubt ull be on the streets or anything bc of it

**tutturu (stinky bastarde)** Today at 3:50 PM   
but it just seemed like smth u rlly wanted to do and rlly cared about so im just confused as to why u wanna drop out all of a sudden

**taka b miya** Today at 3:50 PM   
just

**taka b miya** Today at 3:51 PM   
a lot of stuff

**taka b miya** Today at 3:51 PM   
that i dont wanna talk about

**tutturu (stinky bastarde)** Today at 3:51 PM   
(｡•́ ︿ • ̀ ｡ )

**taka b miya** Today at 3:51 PM   
im fine ok

**taka b miya** Today at 3:51 PM   
bro i am j

**taka b miya** Today at 3:51 PM   
i am just vibing here

**tutturu (stinky bastarde)** Today at 3:51 PM   
smhhhhh fine ill leave u be

**tutturu (stinky bastarde)** Today at 3:52 PM   
lmk if uve changed ur mind and need someone to talk to

**taka b miya** Today at 3:52 PM   
i will ty

* * *

In hindsight, the library would have easily been a much better choice. A more comfortable one, at least. Definitely nicer than huddling in one of the cubicles in the changing room near the showers. But hey, nobody was using them at this time of day anyway, and Hanamiya Takashi was hardly the type to get up that easily once he’d gotten comfortable somewhere. Not even after his legs had fallen asleep from how long he’d been sitting cross-legged on the floor, handheld in his lap.

He’d dozed off a couple times. Against his will; he’d never liked falling asleep in public spaces. But it was just so warm and quiet, he had a hard time keeping his eyes open consistently even while trying to play. Narcolepsy was such a bitch. The fact that his sleep this week had been anything but peaceful probably didn’t help much with that.

He was just  _ so _ tired.

Why had he agreed to live at the dorms again?  _ Right… _ He’d been told it would be fun. He could room with his friends, they’d said. He’d be saving on bills and rent, and he could probably get away with occasionally forgetting to do a chore or two without the entire place turning into a trash heap. He wouldn’t have thought it would turn out to be so draining.

It wasn’t like he’d ever had much energy for social interaction. Sure, he enjoyed hanging out with his friends, but alone time was also something very precious to him that he’d been having to struggle more and more to have. And the constant background noise was just far too overwhelming.

Like hell he cared about college anyway. He already had relatively stable income anyway, both from voice acting gigs and the streaming he’d do on the side every once in a while. What good would a degree do for him by this point? Fuck all. He’d been stupid to think attending classes would magically help him become more driven or passionate. Not that he hated them or anything. Sure, he wasn’t some genius that could breeze through them with ease, but they hadn’t been that much different from just work. And that was probably the problem. That he didn’t feel like they’d changed him at all. Just another task to add to the list. Just another daily chore to go through.

He couldn’t even feel spiteful about it, though. It was just… nothing. Just apathetic acceptance, cold and unemotional.

He finally powered down the game once he realised he wasn’t focusing on it well enough to be able to beat the current level anytime soon, and he leaned back until the back of his head was resting against the wall, blinking up at the ever so slightly flickering light on the ceiling.

In just a few moments, there came a knock on the door.

At first, he didn’t answer. He assumed it must have just been a random student; they’d give up and find another stall soon enough. But then the knock came again, and he felt himself stiffen as a voice he knew all too well called out to him from the other side.

“Knock knock.”

Kazuma has always had a knack for finding him when he needed to. Maybe because of how long they’d known each other, or maybe because he was just lucky in that regard. Maybe a bit of both.

He let out an exasperated sigh.

“Who’s there?”

“Ice cream.”

“Ice cream who?”

“Ice cream if you don’t lemme in.”

Takashi snorted.

“Oh, fuck off.”

Kazuma must have been very pleased with himself judging by how he giggled after that.

“It really that comfy in there?”

Takashi’s legs were still very much asleep.

“Yeah, man, it’s like heaven. Love the feeling of cold stone tiles against my ass.”

“Can I try?”

“There’s, like, a billion unoccupied ones, dude. I’m not stopping you.”

Kazuma went quiet for a few seconds. From the way the door quietly creaked for a moment, Takashi guessed he must have leaned against it. The next time he spoke, his voice still carried its usual lighthearted tone, but without any of the joking.

“You wanna talk about it?”

He would always ask. Just like anyone else. The difference was, though, he would actually listen when he’d tell him no. He’d nod and ask if he felt like playing a game instead, or chill in bed together and watch some anime. And it was always so refreshing, so comforting to know that there was one person out there that wasn’t going to be pushy. If anything, that made it easier to open up.

“…I guess. I don’t really know. In  _ here _ ?”

Takashi heard him snicker.

“Unless you feel like comin’ out.”

“People are gonna think you’re weird talking to a door.”

“Ain’t nobody but ghosts here, my guy. You don’t gotta worry.”

Takashi paused.

He was really just trying to stall.  _ Did _ he actually want to talk? He wasn’t looking for advice, but, then again, Kazuma wasn’t offering any. And  _ he _ ’d always been very good at knowing where the line was with that. He wasn’t a worrywart like Chiba, he didn’t feel the need to mother him like Nao. When Kazuma asked to talk, it was always just that. A talk.

“…How much did Chiba-kun tell you?”

“Uhh… like, the gist, prolly. Does that matter?”

“…Not really.”

“I ain’t here to get on your case about gettin’ in a fight with him.”

“It wasn’t a fight.”

“Oh.”

He heard him shift around for a moment.

“Cool… Yeah. ‘cause I was actually, uh, kinda worried. Just a bit.”

“Wh- Why?”

“’cause he was all antsy and shit when he was fillin’ me in and stuff… Wasn’t sure how big of a deal it actually was.”

Had Chiba actually been nervous about it…? If he had, Takashi hadn’t noticed. He supposed he did just kind of walk off on his own out of nowhere, but this wasn’t the first time he’d done that. He was used to just up and disappearing whenever he felt like it. This shouldn’t have been any different.

“It’s a minuscule deal at best.”

“You sure?”

“…Yeah. Nothing out of the ordinary.”

He was well aware that he was hardly proving that with his current position. It was true, though. It wasn’t like this time was special. He’d just gotten fed up over time. Arguably he’d lasted impressively long.

“…Do you think it’s unreasonable?”

“Eh?”

“Like… me wanting people to not be so up in my business all the time.”

“Nah. Don’t think that’s that weird.”

“I just never see you guys have a problem with it.”

“So? You just like to do things your own way, yeah? Ain’t nothin’ to be gettin’ hung up on.”

Then why did nobody else ever listen…? If he really was in the right, why couldn’t anyone respect that?

As he got to his feet, he slipped the handheld into his pocket. His legs immediately got all tingly, just as he figured. He didn’t pay that much mind, though. Instead, he reached for the door and unlocked it swiftly.

_ Should have thought this through a bit better _ was his first thought as Kazuma fell right through with a yelp, crashing into him and knocking them both off their feet. His glasses clattered onto the floor.

“Shit, my bad,” he clicked his tongue, frantically sweeping the floor with his hands, his surroundings a blurry mess of colors. The last thing he needed right now was having to buy another pair.

Not even a moment later, though, his heart stilled as Kazuma slipped his glasses back on for him, the gesture only startling him for a second. The amused, lopsided smile he’d been wearing came into view. And though the glasses had hardly been placed back right, Takashi made no moves to adjust them.

Instead, he promptly wrapped his arms around Kazuma’s torso, burying his face in the crook of his neck. He felt his chest vibrate with a surprised laugh, a hand gently patting him on the back.

“You good?”

His back was still aching from their fall just now. His glasses were digging into his face quite hard; they would definitely leave marks later. And with how cramped the stall was with two people inside, his knees were pressed up uncomfortably against the walls.

“…Yeah. Just recharging. Don’t move.”

He felt his hair ruffled.

“Alright.”

* * *

**minamoto** Today at 5:07 PM   
are you good

**stan ayano** Today at 5:09 PM   
yes why do you ask

**minamoto** Today at 5:09 PM   
KJSASHJKA i can hear you dude these walls arent that thick

**stan ayano** Today at 5:09 PM   
FUCK

**minamoto** Today at 5:09 PM   
do u always talk to urself when ur on ur own

**stan ayano** Today at 5:09 PM   
NO

**stan ayano** Today at 5:09 PM   
GO AWAY

**minamoto** Today at 5:09 PM   
DSSKDLSKDLS

**minamoto** Today at 5:10 PM   
you also left the door open

**stan ayano** Today at 5:10 PM   
>:,,v

**minamoto** Today at 5:10 PM   
im crying

**minamoto** Today at 5:10 PM   
do u want some memes to distract u

**stan ayano** Today at 5:10 PM   
look

**minamoto** Today at 5:10 PM   
i am looking

**stan ayano** Today at 5:11 PM   
stfu

**stan ayano** Today at 5:11 PM   
am i not allowed to brainstorm out loud now

**minamoto** Today at 5:11 PM   
i mean if you want to

**minamoto** Today at 5:11 PM   
why dont you just text him

**stan ayano** Today at 5:11 PM   
i DID

**stan ayano** Today at 5:11 PM   
and i got IGNORED

**stan ayano** Today at 5:11 PM   
bc bastard keeps his phone on SILENT

**minamoto** Today at 5:11 PM   
DSLKDSL

**stan ayano** Today at 5:14 PM   
i just dont like fighting ok it makes me nervous

**minamoto** Today at 5:14 PM   
u said it wasnt a fight

**stan ayano** Today at 5:14 PM   
YES BC IT IS NOT IM JUST SAYING

**minamoto** Today at 5:14 PM   
whos the weenie now >:3c

**stan ayano** Today at 5:14 PM   
ill swallow u whole

**stan ayano** Today at 5:14 PM   
fucker

**stan ayano** Today at 5:15 PM   
i just feel rlly bad bc like he already told me to stop tryna parent him and i thought that like

**stan ayano** Today at 5:15 PM   
he was just being a stupid tsundere like always

**stan ayano** Today at 5:15 PM   
and i just didnt think itd be a big deal

**stan ayano** Today at 5:15 PM   
so i just feel rlly dumb now

**minamoto** Today at 5:15 PM   
havent you guys been friends for ages?? itll probably be fine if you apologise

**stan ayano** Today at 5:15 PM   
prolly

**stan ayano** Today at 5:16 PM   
listen im not made for stress

**minamoto** Today at 5:16 PM   
smh ull be ok!!

**minamoto** Today at 5:16 PM   
would u like some tea

**stan ayano** Today at 5:16 PM   
no ty

**minamoto** Today at 5:16 PM   
ur loss nerd

**minamoto** Today at 5:16 PM   
if u wanna vent more or smth tho u can

**minamoto** Today at 5:17 PM   
idm

**stan ayano** Today at 5:21 PM   
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa idk man im just talking in circles anyway

**minamoto** Today at 5:21 PM   
thats nothing new its ok

**stan ayano** Today at 5:21 PM   
excuse you

**minamoto** Today at 5:21 PM   
<3

**stan ayano** Today at 5:23 PM   
do you think im a bad friend???

**minamoto** Today at 5:23 PM   
no?? why would u ask that

**stan ayano** Today at 5:23 PM   
idk i cant stop overthinking

**stan ayano** Today at 5:23 PM   
bc like

**stan ayano** Today at 5:23 PM   
i just like feeling like im actually helping ppl and stuff

**stan ayano** Today at 5:23 PM   
and like

**stan ayano** Today at 5:24 PM   
all my friends are just

**stan ayano** Today at 5:24 PM   
a lot better

**stan ayano** Today at 5:24 PM   
at everything than i am

**stan ayano** Today at 5:24 PM   
and it doesnt rlly feel like i get to do that much

**stan ayano** Today at 5:24 PM   
like do stuff for them i mean

**stan ayano** Today at 5:25 PM   
esp w taka

**stan ayano** Today at 5:25 PM   
bc he keeps to himself so much

**stan ayano** Today at 5:25 PM   
its like

**stan ayano** Today at 5:25 PM   
SO hard to guess what he wants sometimes bc hes also not?? the most straightforward person

**stan ayano** Today at 5:25 PM   
ik he sounds super cranky all the time but he is genuinely a rlly good guy

**stan ayano** Today at 5:26 PM   
back in hs i was dealing w a lot of stuff bc of my fam

**stan ayano** Today at 5:26 PM   
emotionally mostly

**stan ayano** Today at 5:26 PM   
i was kind of a mess lmao

**stan ayano** Today at 5:26 PM   
and taka helped me thru a lot of that

**stan ayano** Today at 5:27 PM   
he loves to undersell himself but he is rlly fucking smart and hes rlly good at like

**stan ayano** Today at 5:27 PM   
helping me rationalize stuff ig???

**stan ayano** Today at 5:27 PM   
and it sucks bc it doesnt rlly feel like im doing much in return

**minamoto** Today at 5:27 PM   
arent you literally in charge of most of the chores

**stan ayano** Today at 5:27 PM   
yea but thats small potatoes anyone can do that

**minamoto** Today at 5:27 PM   
smh what does that matter >://

**stan ayano** Today at 5:28 PM   
bc

**stan ayano** Today at 5:28 PM   
its not like

**stan ayano** Today at 5:28 PM   
cool

**minamoto** Today at 5:28 PM   
i think ur cool

**stan ayano** Today at 5:28 PM   
yea youve said that but idk

**stan ayano** Today at 5:28 PM   
i dont rlly get it

**minamoto** Today at 5:28 PM   
smh!!!!!!!

**stan ayano** Today at 5:28 PM   
LKDSLDS what do you want from me

**minamoto** Today at 5:29 PM   
>:((

**minamoto** Today at 5:29 PM   
ig i cant rlly talk

**minamoto** Today at 5:29 PM   
but in any case i think ur p smart too so idk where the insecurity is coming from

**minamoto** Today at 5:29 PM   
youve said it yourself that hanamiya-san doesnt like to open up, that doesnt sound like a failure on your behalf that just sounds like

**minamoto** Today at 5:29 PM   
uhh

**minamoto** Today at 5:30 PM   
i dont rlly know how to finish that but

**minamoto** Today at 5:30 PM   
thats just how it is

**minamoto** Today at 5:30 PM   
like theres not really much you can do there

**stan ayano** Today at 5:30 PM   
stop making sense >:(

**minamoto** Today at 5:30 PM   
lmao get rekt

**stan ayano** Today at 5:32 PM   
ill just

**stan ayano** Today at 5:32 PM   
see if hes feeling up to talking later

**stan ayano** Today at 5:32 PM   
ill offer up my firstborn child and see if that helps

**minamoto** Today at 5:32 PM   
please dad not again

**stan ayano** Today at 5:32 PM   
list of things i never want to hear out of you again

**minamoto** Today at 5:32 PM   
>:3

* * *

The bubble tea did actually help. If only a little. Takashi had always been pretty easy to please with snacks, though, partially because he was so stingy when it came to buying them for himself. While Kazuma had told him not to worry about it, he still beamed at Takashi’s quiet thanks.

Even though he’d already prepared himself to talk, Chiba didn’t seem to be in the dorm when they returned. No sign of him anywhere, not even in the common room. They did bump into Minamoto who was headed to the library, if only for a couple seconds. The curious stare she’d given them was enough for Takashi to be certain he didn’t want to chitchat with her just yet.

Now, there they were, just the two of them once again, sat around on the floor instead of using any of the actual seats. The TV was on, but neither of them was paying much attention to it.  _ It’s the school’s money; who cares? _

The silence lasted an awfully long time before Kazuma broke it.

“So.”

Takashi took another sip.

“So indeed.”

“You done with uni then?”

_ Yeah,  _ he should have said. If anyone else had asked, he would’ve replied that without any hesitation. But he’d never felt the need to get defensive around Kazuma.

He shrugged.

“I don’t really know.”

Kazuma tilted his head.

“Thought you’ve been enjoyin’ classes.”

_ Absolutely not, _ he should’ve answered. Having to get up early was such a pain. Having to share a bathroom was so annoying. This building was far too huge to move around in easily. Some people he’d bumped into were pretty obnoxious.

But that really wasn’t that big of a deal. None of that was. And it wasn’t like he hadn’t learned anything actually interesting. And hanging out together in the dorms could actually be pretty fun at times, even if he didn’t have the energy for it 24/7.

He’d known that he was just looking for a quick fix. It wasn’t because of school. It was the new meds, it was the awful sleep. The junk food diet.  _ And  _ e _ xercise? What’s that?  _ He’d known this all for a while now. He was self-aware enough. But he’d always been like that, though. He’d always been the type to give up easily, to run away when things weren’t working out. It was so much easier to just crawl back into his shell, to give up on trying to make it work. There was just so much wrong; how could he possibly fix that all?

“…I just don’t really know what else to do.”

“To feel better?”

“Yeah.”

Kazuma leaned back, propping himself up with his elbows.

“Well… I ain’t much of an expert, but I dunno if relyin’ on split-second decisions like that is what you should be doin’.”

“Damn right, you’re not. Hypocrite-ass.”

Kazuma laughed.

But he wasn’t wrong. Takashi felt his chest tighten a bit. He’d be so lonely if he went back home. His parents were nice, sure, but they weren’t the same as his friends. And texting was nice, but… it wasn’t really hanging out, was it? The main reason he’d applied to uni in the first place was because he’d felt so alone back home. No other friends to talk to, nobody else to spend time with. Just months and months of work, work, work. Work where people would still only recognise him for  _ that one role _ and nothing else. Where he was just ‘oh, that guy’, because he was just that unimpressive, that unremarkable.

The Game hadn’t been any different either. He supposed that might have been kind of his fault, but… it didn’t matter anymore. He was done, and there was nothing he could do to go back even if he were to suddenly change his mind. Must have been nice to be able to goof around with your friends like that.

“What would you do if you were in my shoes?” he ended up blurting out, sounding much more desperate than he’d intended. He didn’t want any advice. He didn’t. He didn’t. He didn’t. He was fine. He was fine on his own, he could take care of himself, he-

“Uhhh… Dunno, man. Kinda hard to answer that outta nowhere. ‘Cause… I mean, we have different things we’re lookin’ for, yeah?”

_Yeah._ _Dumb question._ He should have known better. He should have-

“But…” Kazuma tilted his head, brows furrowed, as though he was thinking incredibly hard, “I guess, like… just try to cut out the bad stuff.”

“The bad stuff…?”

“Like, the stuff that’s been botherin’ you.”

“That’s easier said than done…”

“Well, yeah. But ain’t that the simplest way?”

He gave his shoulder a small nudge.

“Not like you gotta do it all at once anyway, y’know. If baby steps’re all you can manage, baby steps it is.”

_ Baby steps, huh… _ Like that was going to do anything. Like it would help at all.

Kazuma wouldn’t have understood. He’d never cared about these things. He wasn’t the type to compare himself to other people, to measure his self-worth by how much progress he was making, by how may things he was succeeding at. Even as a crybaby in middle school, he’d never been embarrassed or ashamed whenever other people outdid him in something.

He probably wouldn’t have understood it even if he had cared, though. He seemed to have a knack for everything and anything he was even remotely interested in. He was good at sports, he was good with people, he was charming and funny. When Takashi had gotten into streaming and making videos, it had taken him  _ so _ many years to become even remotely decent. Kazuma had only tried it for fun. Because if his boyfriend was enjoying it, it must have been cool, right? And yet, he hadn’t struggled nearly as much to gain an audience. Even though  _ he _ didn’t have a preexisting career to piggyback off of.

Takashi wasn’t jealous. Or not in any malicious way anyway. Man, did it suck to feel like he couldn’t ever measure up to that, though.

He let out a strangled noise as Kazuma reached out with both hands to squish his cheeks.

“Excuse you-?”

“What’re you lookin’ so grumpy for?”

“I am not.”

“Yeah you are.”

“Oh, fuck off,” he huffed, though there was no bite behind it.

He should’ve just talked to Kazuma to begin with. He was far too hard to get mad at. Maybe then he might have actually felt safe giving himself more time to think to begin with. Maybe he wouldn’t have gotten so defensive with everyone else. Though he supposed it was too late to be dwelling on all that now.

Ah, well. It was fine. His friends already thought of him as a wallflower with a bad attitude. How much worse could things get by this point? Even if he dropped out… would that really matter?

“…Do you wanna play Smash for a bit?”

He didn’t want to be thinking about these things. Not right now. It felt far too overwhelming, far too much for him to just neatly take care of in one session of brainstorming.

It was fine, right? He was allowed to just ignore everything for now, right?

“Hell yeah!”

He felt some of the tension in his body ease a little.

“I’m calling dibs on Joker.”

* * *

**minamoto** Today at 7:37 PM   
a little birdy has told me someone is looking for u

**stan ayano** Today at 7:37 PM   
?????

**minamoto** Today at 7:37 PM   
DSLKKDLSKLDS

**minamoto** Today at 7:37 PM   
hanamiya-san

**stan ayano** Today at 7:37 PM   
OH

**stan ayano** Today at 7:37 PM   
oh fuck im an idiot i havent checked my dms

**minamoto** Today at 7:37 PM   
LMAO

**stan ayano** Today at 7:41 PM   
LOOK

**stan ayano** Today at 7:41 PM   
ive like 40 notifs of ppl spamming me memes alright

**minamoto** Today at 7:41 PM   
are 39 of those takahashi-san sending you dog videos

**stan ayano** Today at 7:41 PM   
i think i deserve to be given a bit of a break here

**stan ayano** Today at 7:41 PM   
no ill have you know ive already checked those

**stan ayano** Today at 7:42 PM   
k im just gonna sprint

**minamoto** Today at 7:42 PM   
lmk when the dorms safe again

**stan ayano** Today at 7:42 PM   
its not a fuckin warzone

**minamoto** Today at 7:42 PM   
ik i just dont wanna get in the way haskshajk

**stan ayano** Today at 7:42 PM   
LSKDLSKDS

**stan ayano** Today at 7:42 PM   
weenie

**minamoto** Today at 7:42 PM   
nyo

**stan ayano** Today at 7:43 PM   
but ok i will

**minamoto** Today at 7:42 PM   
>:D

* * *

Chiba slammed the door open so suddenly, the controller tumbled from Takashi’s hands onto the carpet. Before he even had the chance to complain about his entrance, the dramatic bastard was already bowing, arms by his sides, voice clear and loud.

“I’m here to apologise for what happened earlier!”

Takashi didn’t even try to hold back the snicker.

“Jesus Christ…”

“Hey! I’m being sincere here.”

“Shout it louder. Bet the people on the other side of the school didn’t hear you.”

“Rude ass.”

“Twerp.”

“Fucker.”

“Loudmouth.”

“Your mom.”

Despite – or maybe  _ because _ – of the nature of their exchange, the atmosphere had lightened. It was refreshing, getting to bicker with Chiba the same way they always did, without either one of them taking it seriously. He’d always found it fun, pushing each other’s buttons like that.

Chiba’s shoulders dropped as he straightened up, visibly relieved.

“You really had me worried, dude. I thought you wouldn’t wanna talk to me after that.”

“So melodramatic…”

“S-shut up!”

“Do you really think I’m that petty?”

“Yeah, kinda, you jackass. You talk like you are.”

Takashi snorted.

“Fair.”

It wasn’t like he’d been worried at all.  _ It wasn’t a fight _ , he’d said. Because it really hadn’t been. Chiba wasn’t the type who’d have held a grudge over something like that. He’d just needed some space, that was all.

Chiba was awkwardly shuffling with his feet.

“Anyways… I’m sorry for being so pushy. Not just today, but, like… in general. I should’ve listened when you’d told me to back off the first time.”

That… was a bit unexpected. Not the apology, but the fact that Chiba actually seemed to have thought everything through. ‘Not just today’, huh…

He’d never sat down with him to have a serious discussion about it before. About how stubborn he could be, and about how suffocating it could feel at times. Not because it hadn’t occurred to him. It just never felt reasonable enough to make a request like that. And… he’d always found it kind of scary. Not because he was afraid Chiba would be angry at him or anything, he just… didn’t think he would listen. Or not  _ seriously _ anyway. What would have been the point in trying? He would’ve just made things more tense in the long-run, and that would’ve come with its own set of problems.

Right now, though, Chiba sounded so earnest. Like he actually felt bad. It was so odd.

“…Well, it’s fine. You said it yourself. I’m not that good at establishing boundaries. It’s probably my bad, in hindsight.”

“I should’ve figured, though. Or, like… at least asked.”

Takashi probably wouldn’t have given a straight answer. He knew himself well enough.

He didn’t really feel guilty. Moreso flustered and kind of embarrassed. He never thought he’d be proven wrong about something he’d considered obvious and irrefutable so fast.

“It doesn’t really matter anymore, I don’t think. I mean… it sounds like we’re on the same page. I don’t really like playing the blame game.”

“I’m not! I’m trying to take responsibility.”

“For what? It’s not that big of a deal, dude.”

Chiba rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah… ‘Not that big of a deal’,  _ my ass _ .”

There was his usual English again.

Takashi opened his mouth to argue back, but Chiba strode over from the other side of the room, crouching down in front of him so they were almost at eye level.

“The jig is up, buddy. You’re not gonna get to play martyr anymore. If something I’m doing is bothering you, you’re gonna be honest about it and say it to my face like a man. What do you think I’m friends with you for, to have someone I can just bully?”

That, he didn’t really have an argument for. Because, yeah, this sort of thing was common sense. You were supposed to be able to talk to your friends about these sort of things. Everyone knew that. It was probably all over kids’ cartoons as a lesson or whatever, for god’s sake.

He’d just never liked confrontation. Even when it was with someone who didn’t intimidate him at all, it had never seemed worth it. The couple occasions he did speak up, it would always ruin the mood. When he’d mention it quickly and subtly, it’d be brushed off as him joking. When he’d be firm about it, it would just make things awkward. So what was he supposed to do?

“I hate it here…” he groaned; Chiba nodded enthusiastically.

“Man, me too! Unfortunately you’re stuck with me.”

“ _ You’re _ stuck with  _ me _ . Get it right.”

“You’re right. I ignore you for 2 seconds and you spam my inbox with mpreg fanfiction.”

Takashi had to suppress a smile.

“…You know, you’re kind of being a tyrannical bastard right now as well.”

“Shit, am I actually? I’m sorry-“

“I’m joking, you actual fetus,” he gave his arm a light punch, which Chiba returned with a shove.

He did actually laugh this time.

“…I’m just… not used to this shit, you know?”

“To what?”

“Like… talking like this.”

Chiba scoffed.

“What, you can talk to Kazuma, but not to me?”

“He doesn’t really argue.”

“Yeah, which is why I said to tell me if that bothers you. You toddler. You baby. You zygote. You absolute-“

“Oh, I’m getting younger?”

“Not the point!”

Chiba crossed his arms.

“If I’m really that unapproachable-“

“Not what I said-“

“ _ If I’m really that unapproachable _ , there  _ is _ something easy you could start with.”

“Oh yeah? What’s that?”

In the blink of an eye, Chiba had him in a headlock. Takashi made a noise akin to the squawk of a bird as Chiba proceeded to noogie him aggressively.

“Why do you still call me by my last name, huh? When we’ve known each other for how long? ‘Chiba-kun’ this, ‘Chiba-kun’ that… What am I, your underclassman? You call Nao by her first name, but not me?”

Takashi narrowly elbowed him in the face as he attempted to wrestle him off, temporarily transformed into a disgruntled housecat.

“It’s not like you’ve ever asked!”

“Well, I’m asking now!”

“ _ Fine _ , Yuzuru it is, then…! Does that satisfy Your Majesty, huh?”

Chiba’s-  _ Yuzuru’s _ face immediately lit up at that.

“There you go! Wasn’t so hard, was it?”

Takashi finally managed to shove him away, though his hair was now beyond repair. He pushed his glasses back on before they could slip off with a huff.

Why did he care so much about that anyway? It was just a name.  _ He’d _ never put much thought into how he referred to other people beyond basic courtesy – something that Yuzuru was definitely lacking in more than one sense. Although… silly as the request had sounded, seeing him be so giddy about it was definitely kind of nice. He didn’t think something so small would actually help, did he…? Takashi would’ve hated to dash his hopes after that. Something so inconsequential, so unimportant… There was just no way.

He pursed his lips.

“…You were right.”

Yuzuru blinked.

“Huh?”

“About… school, I mean. I was just… throwing a tantrum. You were right to argue with me about it.”

Takashi breathed a tired sigh.

“I think I’ll stick around until at least exams to figure out what I wanna do… Calm down a bit, see if the break helps at all.”

He felt Yuzuru’s hand on his shoulder, gripping it supportively.

“Yeah! You’ll be fine. You’ll do great! I bet you’re gonna nail it.”

He’d have expected a lot more gloating, a lot more ‘I told you so’s. But they never came. Yuzuru only stared at him with an innocent, dorky grin, the surprise clear in his eyes, but no smugness whatsoever behind it. Like he was just genuinely glad he’d been of some help after all, even if the road to it had been kind of rocky.

Takashi averted his gaze. He wasn’t really good with genuine encouragement like that, not when the mood felt so serious and so sincere. He never really knew how to respond to it properly. In the middle of fixing his hair, he was just about to mumble a flustered thank you when the door to the bedroom creaked open and Kazuma poked his head out.

“Sooo… you guys good now?”

“We were good to begin with!” they both responded in sync out of reflex, sending each other flat looks afterwards. Kazuma, though, sheepishly laughed, like he hadn’t entirely believed that until now even after both of them had repeatedly reassured him.

Yuzuru hopped back to his feet.

“You know how it is. Sometimes you just need a good fight to clear the air.”

There was no way he meant that. Absolutely no way. He’d been  _ so _ much more nervous than Takashi had been at any point, and now he was talking like it had been some master plan?  _ Piss off. _

But… maybe, just maybe… there had been a little bit of truth to that. Because if he hadn’t stormed off like that, they probably wouldn’t have been able to talk things out. Yuzuru probably wouldn’t have offered to tone down his attitude for him, not like that. So… maybe he wasn’t entirely wrong, even if he  _ was _ talking out of his ass.

Kazuma raised a brow.

“I thought it wasn’t a fight?”

Yuzuru punched him in the arm.

“Man, shut up.”

* * *

“What’re you still mopin’ around like that for, Kazu?”

“Huh? I’m not-“

“Mhm…”

“For real! I’m just thinkin’…”

“Thinkin’, eh…”

“Yeah. About Monday. It… just would’ve been nice to have Yuzuru ‘n’ Taka be there, y’know?”

“Y’say that like they won’t be watchin’ anyway.”

“Y-yeah, I know that! But, like… it’s just different, man, I dunno.”

_ Snicker. _

“You’re always gettin’ hung up on the weirdest stuff…”

…

“But you’ll still be there, yeah?”

…

“Yui…?”

“Oh. Mhm, prolly.”

“’Prolly’…?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there. Stop worryin’ your lil’ head about it, kiddo. You’ll have fun.”

“…Yeah.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah! You’re right. Man, haha… dunno what’s got me talkin’ like this all of a sudden.”

“Full moon sickness got to you, eh?”

“…Wait, you serious? That actually a thing?”

“Just fuckin’ with you, dumbass. It ain’t even a full moon today.”

“Oh.”

_ Shuffle. Shift. _

“Well, I’ve got a shift comin’ up.”

“Oh. You’ve been havin’ a lotta those lately.”

“Pharmacy’s short-staffed. Not much I can do.”

“Ahh, aight… Good luck out there, yeah?”

“…Yeah.”


	20. Primrose

_ A white envelope lies on the floor. It’s been slid in through the mail slot, probably. There’s no address, no sender, no nothing, even though it’s been sealed very neatly. You’ve known that to be a red flag for now, so you toss it. You think back to it over and over as the day passes by. Your stomach feels tight with anxiety. You hope it was just junk mail, but you can’t stop wondering if maybe it wasn’t. If maybe it’s another one of  _ those _. _

_ You should’ve opened it. You should’ve checked. _

_ But you don’t; not even when you find an identical envelope in the same spot the next morning. Because the thought scares you too much, and you don’t want to think about it. The envelopes don’t stop, though, no matter how many you throw out. _

_ You feel like you’re being watched. Like you’re being followed. Each time you look, though, you see nobody out of place. You question if your mind has just been playing tricks on you so many times that when you lose your phone at one point you briefly wonder if you’ve finally lost it. Maybe this has just been a long, excruciatingly slow nightmare that you just haven’t woken up from. As you pinch yourself, though, you don’t feel any more awake. _

_ Maybe it was for the best, you tell yourself. You do have a spare; an older model that still works just fine, though you haven’t used it in a really long time. Your manager’s been blowing up your notifications with missed calls and unread texts anyway ever since you’ve ditched the Game. You’re not gonna miss those. But you can’t bring yourself to relax. Because what if your phone isn’t just gone, what if someone else out there has it? There’s no way you could have just lost it like that. You’re usually so careful with your belongings… _

_ It’s a new day, and a new envelope. When you pick it up, it’s unusually heavy. With sweaty hands, you tear the envelope open. You find your lost phone inside, a folded up letter alongside it. Your lock screen has been changed, and so has your wallpaper. Photos of the same girl that you don’t recognise. And when you take a look at the letter against your better judgement, your heart stops in your chest. _

_ It was probably meant to be a love letter, you think. It’s full of cheesy expressions; the sorts you’d hear in romantic dramas. It’s the kind of thing you’re used to receiving by now. Except this one is different. Because it’s not the harmless, innocent kind that you tend to receive from teenage girls. It’s much creepier, much more unnerving. _

_ Your home address has never been public, and you’ve been hoping it would keep you safe until now. You suppose you should have known better. _

_ Somehow, you can’t bring yourself to stop. So you read the entire letter. Even though the more it goes on, the more you can feel yourself panicking. It’s long and graphic, and full of sentiments bordering somewhere between threats and promises. You can’t really tell, but you’re not sure if you even want to. _

_ Once you’re finished, you back up against the nearest wall for support. Your knees feel weak. Your hands drop, and you notice the last contents of the envelope landing on the floor. A single lock of hair, tied by a piece of string. _

* * *

Izumi Mamoru awoke with a start, his heart pounding in his chest.

It took him several moments to recognise his surroundings, but those moments felt like an eternity. And even after he’d managed to remember everything that had happened, the adrenaline was still there, unwilling to leave his body. Still, he allowed himself to slump back down, focusing on steadying his breathing.

It had been a while since he’d spent a night away from home. His back and neck were stiffly aching, which he was choosing to blame on the sofa he’d slept on. His head was spinning, and one of his arms had fallen asleep completely from the position he’d fallen asleep in. Not to mention the cold sweat he was absolutely drenched in, causing his clothes to cling to him uncomfortably.

All in all, it wasn’t a fun time.

He’d left his apartment in a hurry yesterday. In fact, he’d almost stepped on the neighbour’s cat from how suddenly he’d burst out through the door. Thankfully the disaster had been avoided, though he’d blurted out a mildly hysterical apology anyway as he’d run down the stairs.

At the time, he hadn’t really been sure where he should be going. A police station should’ve been his first stop, probably, in hindsight. But he’d been so frazzled, so frantic, that he’d been hardly able to think anything through. So he’d just run and run until he’d finally become out of breath. Then, at some point, he’d crashed at a manga café and stayed there until the next day.

He  _ had _ called the police at one point. He wasn’t  _ that _ stupid. Everything at his apartment should have still been there, so if they wanted to investigate, they were free to. But he didn’t want to be involved. He was exhausted, quite frankly. These last few days had taken a serious toll on him, and… besides, he was already in quite a bit of legal trouble from ignoring his manager, probably. And he just couldn’t deal with that right now.

He could only hope his stalker hadn’t followed him all the way over here… though the staff more than likely would have told him if they had noticed anything, he reasoned. Or at least they better have had. Though it had also been long enough by now that the feelings of safety were starting to transform into mild claustrophobia. It shouldn’t have been a surprise that locking himself up in a tiny cubicle for an extended period of time wasn’t going to help with his mental health.

He was biting his nails.

Where could he go, though? Not back to his apartment, that was for sure. Nor his mom’s place… If he could avoid getting her involved, that would be for the best.

School could work, maybe. Security was decent enough, and he’d be around people. It sounded like a no brainer. He could always just sleep out in the hallway, if nobody would let him borrow their room.

Momo… He could talk to Momo. He doubted Yuriko would hear him out, but Momo had always been nice. Momo would listen. Momo would help.

He hadn’t told her anything. He hadn’t told anyone aside from the police, as a matter of fact. And even now, he wasn’t planning on divulging more than he needed to. His pride wouldn’t have let him admit that he was in need of help. It would have been humiliating. And if Yuriko were to hear about it, she would have  _ definitely _ ridiculed him for it. Izumi Mamoru, popular celebrity, 25 years old, scared of some girl spying on him?  _ Pathetic. _ She might even tell the whole school, and then his reputation would be completely ruined. He couldn’t trust her. Not with something like this.

These were the kind of thoughts racing through his mind as he finally left the café, tightly clutching his belongings, anxiously peering around every corner.

Even though it was broad daylight, he couldn’t bring himself to let his guard down. He was well-aware of the questioning glances people were throwing his way; he was just trying to hide his face as best he could in an attempt to negate the attention he’d already managed to attract.

The school wasn’t too far, fortunately. Though the heat made him kind of dizzy after a while, especially with how fast he was walking, the site of the gates coming into view did help ease his nerves just a tad.

It was Sunday. Around this time of day, Momo should have been… in the gym, probably. She liked using the weekends to practice, even when her club hadn’t scheduled anything officially. He’d help her out sometimes, even though he’d consistently end up feeling sore for the following few days. It was just the easiest way to perform a favor for her that she would appreciate. It was the easiest way to affirm in his mind that yes, they were still friends. So, even though he hated it with all his being, he never said no.

He was trying. He promised he was trying.

Opening the door to the gym, he felt relief wash over him when, just as he’d suspected, he found Momo inside. She seemed to be practicing with Yuriko. Both of them must have been there for a while, as countless balls were scattered all around the place.

Neither of them appeared to be particularly tired.  _ Figures. _ They’d always been far more athletic than him… or most people he knew, actually.

Yuriko was the one to spot him first. She stiffened, a strange look in her eyes that he couldn’t quite decipher. It wasn’t anger or annoyance… This, he was sure of, at the very least – she’d always been very open about it when she felt upset. But there was something about it, something that made him tense up once again, something that was making him feel very uncomfortable and unsettled.

Momo turned around, probably wondering what she was staring at so intensely. When their eyes met, Mamoru waved. Her lips twitched into a smile far more strained than the usual. The kind she wore when she had something heavy on her mind, but still wanted to remain polite. The kind he was already used to seeing by now.

It felt different, though. It was as though this time she wasn’t making much of an attempt to hide it. He’d grown accustomed to seeing her do her best to cover it up, act as though she wasn’t  _ really _ bothered. But today that front wasn’t there. Not even the clumsiest version of it that was so easy to see through, so easy to read.

“Hi,” she greeted him, visibly hesitant. She was holding onto the ball she’d gathered up just before he’d entered, mindlessly spinning it in her hands. As he approached her, the spinning seemed to get faster.

Before he could even say anything, she spoke up again, her voice meek, her gaze refusing to meet his.

“Funny you’d show up today… I’ve actually been wanting to talk.”

_ Uh oh. _

His first instinct was to rapidly rack his mind for anything he could have done to upset her in recent times. Sure, they’d argued plenty, but he’d apologised every single time. And besides, that was normal, wasn’t it? Normal for them anyway. She shouldn’t have been behaving so strangely if that was the only issue, it shouldn’t have been a big deal.

She let go of the ball with one hand to sheepishly rub the back of her neck.

“This is probably going to come off pretty mean. And I’m sorry if it does. But it’s something I’ve been, uh… thinking over for a while now, and I’ve pretty much made up my mind about it.”

She breathed a sigh.

“I get that you’re probably going through a lot of stuff. I’m sure your job is super stressful. And that sucks. But, like… I can’t keep dealing with your outbursts anymore. It’s… pretty awful to be on the receiving end of. And that’s just not something I want to put up with in a friend, you know?”

She finally met his eyes. Her face was full of guilt; she was clearly struggling to get the words out.

“So… I’m sorry, but I don’t think we should continue hanging out for a while. I hope you understand.”

He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

Sure, he’d considered the possibility before. Many times. In fact, he’d been near certain on a couple occasions that he’d already reached this point. So, really, he shouldn’t have been surprised. He shouldn’t have. Hearing it, though, straight from Momo’s mouth, was something else. Especially so out of nowhere… She’d accepted his last apology, so what gives? Why would she change her mind now of all times?

“But… you said it was alright. You didn’t- You never said-“

He was struggling to find the right words. The situation hadn’t even properly set in yet. How the hell was he even supposed to react?

She bit her lip.

“I know. And I regret saying that.”

“Why-?”

“Because… I lied. It wasn’t alright. I shouldn’t have just forgiven you. And… I don’t think I actually have.”

He felt like the room was spinning around him.

Momo had been the only person he’d been able to call a friend until now. She was the only one. She was the only one he’d ever felt like could even come close to understanding him, she was the only one he’d been able to bring himself to genuinely trust. The only one with no ulterior motives. The only one who ever viewed him as an actual person instead of imposing their own preconceptions onto him. Without her, what was he supposed to do? Who was he supposed to turn to? There wasn’t anyone out there that could ever possibly come close to that. He was sure. Everyone else was worthless, awful, selfish. They couldn’t ever hope to measure up to someone like her.

Seeing that he wasn’t responding, she began turning back to Yuriko, and he felt panic grip his heart.

“Wait!”

He didn’t care anymore. He didn’t care if he was going to look pathetic and desperate. If that was what he had to do to try to salvage this, he had no qualms sacrificing what little dignity he had left.

He grabbed Momo by the shoulder.

“Please don’t- Please just think this through one more time…” he begged, voice trembling. “I said I was sorry, didn’t I? Please give me another chance, I can still- I can still change, you  _ know _ I can…“

“…Do I know that?”

His voice caught in his throat. She straightened her back.

“Have you  _ really _ been sorry, Izumi-san? Or have you just been saying that? Because it’s starting to feel like you’ve just been saying what you think I want to hear without actually proving that you mean it.”

Her voice was becoming firmer. The guilt in her face was slowly shifting into frustration, her brows furrowing more and more as she talked.

“How about all those times you’ve called me a moron? Or just 3 days ago, when you called me a bitch? Or a freak? When you went off on me for checking up on you because I was  _ worried _ about you? How about that? Are you sorry about any of that? Do you know how it feels to be talked down to like that? To be insulted to your face by someone you consider a friend? Do you really think apologising is enough to make up for that? That if you can make me feel sorry for you, I’ll just keep letting all these things slide?”

_ It’s not fair. This isn’t fair. _ That hadn’t been his fault. It hadn’t. He’d just been under a lot of stress, that was all. So what, just because he’d messed up a couple times, she was cutting him off for good? She couldn’t do that. She couldn’t-

Her fingers closed around his wrist, trying to pry his hand off. But he didn’t let go. He couldn’t.

“O-of course I’m sorry- Don’t you trust me?”

“Izumi-san-“

“You just don’t understand- There’s no way you could understand…”

“Izumi-san, this conversation is over. Let go of me. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Oh, you don’t?” his voice cracked as he raised it. “Then how come you’re doing this, huh? How come you think it’s okay to just cast me aside like this, like I’m just some piece of trash? You-“

He couldn’t finish the sentence. He felt as though the air had gotten knocked out of his lungs, and for a couple seconds he had no idea what had just happened. His cheek was pressed up against the floor, and there was a heavy weight pressing down on him, one of his arms painfully wrenched behind his back.

“Yuriko-chan!?”

Yuriko was holding him down. Her fingers were digging into his flesh, and as she leaned closer to his ear, voice low, her tone was dripping with contempt.

“What did I tell you?”

“Yuriko-chan, that’s going way too far- Please just leave it be…”

Yuriko clicked her tongue.

Even after the weight was gone, though, he didn’t get the chance to clamber to his feet. He was lifted up by his collar, his feet dangling in the air. And as Yuriko’s face came into view, his entire body froze up in fear.

He’d never seen her this mad before. She looked as though she was genuinely contemplating if it would have been worth it to punch him in the face or worse, even if she was risking upsetting Momo further. So, he didn’t dare move. He didn’t even dare speak. She was far stronger than him; she could have easily snapped any of his bones if she wanted to, and the thought was genuinely terrifying.

After a few more seconds, she closed her eyes.

“Get out,” she said. Instead of an enraged command, though, it sounded more like a defeated request. She sounded tired, so tired, and when she set him back down, he was far too stunned to resist.

He’d blown it. He’d really blown it. He’d blown it for real this time around, and there was no coming back. There was nothing he could do. He wasn’t going to get through to either one of them anymore. He’d ruined it. He really was a worthless idiot.

And so… without any further words, he left.

He had no idea where he was going. No idea what he was going to do. No backup plans, no nothing. Because no matter how scared he’d been of this exact scenario before, he’d never managed to prepare for it. He’d never  _ actually _ thought it would happen. Not like this.

As soon as he was far enough, he leaned against the nearest wall with both hands, dropping his head.  _ Fuck. _

He jumped when someone tapped him on the shoulder lightly.

* * *

“…Are you  _ absolutely _ sure nobody will just show up out of nowhere?”

Natsume chuckled softly at the question.

“Naturally. I would not have said so otherwise.”

Mamoru had only visited Momo’s common room before. Though there had generally been a certain amount of order, it had always felt very cluttered and somewhat chaotic due to all the items people would just leave lying around.

The one where Natsume was staying at, in comparison, was practically immaculate. No dirty clothes to be seen, no scattered papers, no dirty dishes collecting in the sink. In fact, there were little to no personal items to be found altogether. The things that had jumped out at him the most were the large cage in one of the corners with a couple birds inside of it – Fujinomiya’s, no doubt – and a currently unoccupied terrarium – for Natsume’s snake, which had wrapped itself around his neck.

Mamoru clicked his tongue.

In a moment of weakness, he’d agreed when Natsume had asked if he wanted some company back out in the hallway. It was only after he’d already followed him over here that he’d realised he’d made a mistake. Even as Natsume had gone off to make tea for both of them, though, he’d stayed put.

He wasn’t sure why. Natsume may have been polite, but he still must have had some kind of a reason for dragging him all the way over here. He was surely being an idiot, putting himself on a platter like this for him. But then again, how much worse could things really get by this point? Even if Natsume were to make any kind of snide comments about him, he could take it. What did he care about his opinion anyway? At most, he’d find it annoying. A small inconvenience. If that meant he had a safe place to stay for longer, then so be it. So maybe it really wasn’t such a terrible idea after all.

Natsume took a small sip of his tea. Mamoru’s remained untouched.

“You’re not about to play pretend-therapist, are you?” he blurted out, in a tone much more antagonistic than he’d intended. Natsume clearly found the accusation amusing, though.

“Whatever do you mean by that?”

“Dragging me over here, thinking that I’ll pour my heart out for you so you can spout some smartass mumbo jumbo in the hopes that I’ll be impressed… or something.”

Natsume’s laugh was light, like that of an innocently delighted child. And no matter how much Mamoru squinted at him, he couldn’t decipher his ulterior motives. Not that that was going to be enough for him to let his guard down just yet. He knew better.

“I see the attitude is still present,” he remarked. He gestured towards Mamoru’s cup, to which he let out an upset huff. After a moment of stubborn hesitation, he picked it up anyway.

_ So stupid… _ Something about Natsume’s mannerisms just made it  _ so _ hard to say no to him. Like he was somehow obligated to do what he was telling him to, out of basic courtesy. Which was ridiculous. As if Natsume had any kind of power over him…

He took a tentative sip.  _ Peppermint.  _ He supposed drinking the tea was maybe alright after all.

“Why would you have followed me here if you were not willing?” Natsume leaned on one of his hands. Mamoru’s eyes briefly flickered to the snake; he couldn’t hold it for too long, with how much it felt like it seemed to be staring at him. Almost like a miniature version of Natsume himself. “It is not as if I have attached a leash to you. I recall you being quite eager to accompany me, actually.”

“I remember no such thing.”

“Oh? Then I would love to hear your answer.”

Natsume crossed his legs, eyeing him up with the kind of intensity that Mamoru was already used to. The kind of extreme curiosity, like he was some kind of puzzle waiting to be solved. Unlike most people, though, Natsume wasn’t even making an attempt to hide it. Completely unashamed and honest.

“Were you just feeling lonely, perhaps? Or do you, somewhere deep down, desire someone to share your feelings with after all? A desire to connect with somebody… or for someone to connect with you. The kind of thirst that cannot be quenched so easily, unless-“

“God, please quit it with the Shakespearean bullshit,” Mamoru groaned, resisting the urge to bury his face in his hands. Why was he subjecting himself to this? “Can’t you just talk like a normal person for 2 seconds?”

Natsume tilted his head.

“What even is ‘normal’?” he mused. “What an odd request… Would you prefer I used more common slang instead? Or-“

“If you didn’t go on rambling tangents, that’d be nice…”

“Ah. You should have just clarified, my dear.”

“Or you could have used your common sense.”

“’Common sense’ is but a myth invented to shun those who cannot or will not conform to societal standards,” Natsume hummed. “I shall not take part in such practices.”

His response had been so immediate, Mamoru didn’t even know how to respond at first. The more childish and petty part of him wanted to argue just for the sake of it. In the end, though, he realised he didn’t have the energy to, and he dropped his head in defeat, letting out a deep sigh.

“God, you’re weird…”

“Or so I’ve been told. Do feel free to answer my question.”

How was he supposed to, when even he himself didn’t entirely understand?

It must have been the stalker. It must have. There was no other explanation as to why his standards could have dropped so low all of a sudden. It couldn’t have been because of Momo. He didn’t care about that anymore. He didn’t. He never had. She was just another girl, one of a dozen, a thousand, a million. He wasn’t upset. He wasn’t hurt. It was her loss, if she didn’t want to talk to him anymore. Countless people would have paid a fortune just to have the chance to partake in dinner with him. She was just a fool.

But that wasn’t true. And no matter how much he tried to tell it to himself over and over, chanting it like some kind of mantra in his head, he couldn’t get himself to believe it. If anything, it only made things worse, reminding him that it was his fault, that he was the only one to blame, and Momo had probably been right kicking him out like that. Good for her. She deserved better.

What did he care about what she deserved? Was it really so bad, being friends with him? He’d heard how crude morons like Chiba behaved around their friends; they’d called each other a hundred times worse names than he’d ever done to Momo. So why was he all of a sudden the villain here? It wasn’t fair.

God, he felt so fucking bad. He wanted to beg her on his knees, offer up everything he had. A small part of him was still hoping that she would accept it, that it would be enough to change her mind. But he knew it wouldn’t be. And even if it was, what would that really solve? Everything would just turn out the same in the end anyway. He could talk big all he wanted, he wouldn’t be able to actually follow through on it. He wouldn’t. He was just a useless, pathetic piece of-

“Oh, dear…”

Natsume was offering him a handkerchief. A moment later, he realised he had teared up.

He wanted to bat Natsume’s hand away. He almost did through sheer instinct; the gesture felt so condescending, so smug. But he didn’t. He couldn’t. He couldn’t even muster up a snarky reply. When he opened his mouth, no sound came out.

He didn’t accept either, though. He swiftly wiped his eyes with his sleeve, composing himself as best he could. He wasn’t going to forsake his dignity just like that, not in front of Natsume. For all he knew, that had been his plan all along so he’d have some kind of leverage over him later.

His mind flashed back to that rainy day, to when Natsume had lent him his umbrella. He did his best to get rid of the image. Whatever had gotten into him back then, he wasn’t going to let it happen again. He wasn’t going to let Natsume think he’d won. He would just have to beat him at his own game.

“…Fine,” he finally said, straightening his back. “You know what? You’ll get your answer. If you need it so badly, you’ll get it.”

Sure, he’d tell him. He’d show him that none of it was a big deal, that none of it would matter in the end. Natsume must have thought he was  _ so _ smart, but he was going to prove him wrong. He was going to prove that he wasn’t going to get anywhere if he thought cozy up to him and get him crying like a little kid.

And so, crossing his arms, putting on the most nonchalant demeanor he could manage, Mamoru began to talk.

* * *

The room was quiet save for the ticking of the clock and the periodic singing of the birds. Two empty cups lay on the table. Natsume’s snake seemed to have fallen asleep, its head tucked into his clothes. Natsume hadn’t seemed to be in any rush to break the silence, considering the actual timing of his remark.

“How curious.”

Mamoru pursed his lips.

“What is?”

The entire time he’d recounted everything, Natsume had been listening very intently, a hand on his chin, occasionally rubbing it. He’d made no attempts to interrupt, and on the occasion that he’d speak up, it would only be to request him to continue if he went silent for too long.

And it felt… awkward. Not at all the reaction he’d anticipated or been looking for. Not even a reaction that he could make sense of, actually. Natsume would have been so much easier to deal with if he had just lost interest. If he had just given up. Instead, he remained just as intrigued, with an expression and tone so ambiguous Mamoru had to fight the urge to rip his hair out from sheer frustration.

He hated that he couldn’t tell what Natsume was thinking. He hated that he had to be so cryptic, so difficult to read. And the worst part was that he wasn’t even sure if he was doing it on purpose to be more troublesome, or if all this came to him naturally. He definitely hadn’t seen him break character before, if it was an act. But it had to be, right? There was no way someone could have just popped into existence like this.

Natsume smiled.

“Your story. I found it interesting to listen to.”

“Don’t patronize me.”

“I can assure you my intentions are pure; I meant no such thing.”

Mamoru huffed.

“So, what… You wanted me to talk just so you’d be entertained? Is that it?”

The possibility didn’t infuriate him as much as it could have. It certainly sounded better than many of the alternatives that had popped into his head. Natsume, though, wasn’t letting him have it.

“Oh, of course not. Settle down, now…”

He got up from his seat, gathering up their cups. His snake remained seemingly fast asleep as he walked over to the sink and began washing them, completely unperturbed by Mamoru’s accusatory attitude.

“I do have a fascination with… the human condition, you could say. But I am not the sort of person who finds pleasure in others’ struggles and pain. My purpose is not just to learn, but to lend a helping hand to those in need… and to put people in their place if they misuse the power they’ve been given to hurt others.”

Mamoru instinctively rolled his eyes.

“Oh yeah? Did you just want to lecture me, then, so you could stroke your own ego by telling me things I already know? Are you about to whip me, huh?”

“Interesting that you would say that, considering my words themselves were fairly neutral as to which category I would have sorted you into.”

Natsume turned around, having placed the cups aside to dry. He folded his arms behind his back, heading back to his previous seat at a leisurely pace, taking small, comfortable steps. Instead of actually sitting down, though, he walked past it, coming to a halt behind Mamoru’s seat. Mamoru remained still, willing himself not to turn around.

“It speaks of a certain amount of self-awareness… or a persecution complex of some sort. Or perhaps a bit of both.”

From the corner of his eye, he could see Natsume laying a hand atop the backrest.

“In truth, things are never so black and white. And my job is not to judge others’ moral character as a whole. I do not believe I have the authority to do such a thing. I am, after all, merely another person with their own sets of flaws, their own sets of beliefs. And I’m sure you will come to understand those flaws very soon, for I have an exchange to offer.”

_ Oh, great. _ That didn’t sound good. Even though Natsume spoke as calmly as ever, his tone was anything but reassuring. There was just something about the detached way he delivered everything that felt unsettling and kind of creepy.

And in that moment, he realised something else. All this time, it was Natsume’s stubborn self-control that had made him feel so threatened. His unwillingness to let his composure slip for even a second, even when it would have easily been justified, even if nobody would have batted an eye at it. And the thought that he was capable of something like that… scared him. The thought of interacting with someone that had such a good grasp on their own emotions, something that he himself could never be able to mimic, was unnerving as all hell. It made him feel weak and powerless, like he was just prey, waiting to be devoured. Like, no matter how much he tried to convince himself otherwise, Natsume held all the power. And he didn’t like that one bit.

“…Go on then, you bastard. Give me your worst.”

He doubted there was any use trying to put up a fight by this point. Not when Natsume had made it so clear he wouldn’t fall into any trap he’d set for him. He wouldn’t lose his cool.

_ Asshole. _

“The offer I’m making is simple. There is not much I can do about Momo-san; she has made her choice, which I am obligated to respect. However… when it comes to your contract and your  _ unwelcome admirer _ , if you will, there are a few things I could do.”

Mamoru couldn’t help but laugh, voice tinged with sarcasm, finally glancing at him with a sneer.

“Yeah, sure. You’re definitely not just talking out of your ass to get me to agree to some shady deal.”

But, whether or not he truly meant it, Natsume showed no signs of anxiety, no signs that he’d been found out. He was smiling just as he’d been the entire time. Because of course he was, goddammit. That shouldn’t have been a surprise by now.

Natsume lifted a finger to his lips.

“Unfortunately I cannot divulge my secrets, so I will simply have to ask you to take me at my word.”

“Uh huh… And what’s your game here? Let’s say I did hypothetically agree to it… what would be the catch?”

Natsume clasped his hands together.

“Quite simple. I’d like you to see a psychologist of my recommendation. Nothing more, nothing less.”

_ Oh, he’s making a joke. _

Or, at least, that had been Mamoru’s immediate reaction, with how ridiculous the request sounded. He wasn’t  _ crazy _ . He didn’t need some creep analyzing him, questioning him about his life story, telling him shit he probably already knew. What the hell kinda conclusion would they even have arrived at? ‘You seem to have anger issues’?  _ Great job, Einstein _ .

“…You want me to be some kind of lab rat?”

“You seem to be upset.”

“Shut the fuck up and answer me.”

“…But how will I perform both at the same time?”

“Natsume, I swear to god-“

“I jest,” Natsume lifted a hand, signaling him to hold on. “It’s just that you sounded like you’ve already made your mind up about it even before you voiced your concerns. Would you have believed me if I were to have said no?”

“…Probably not.”

“So you see the issue here.”

“Your request is still bullshit. I’m not paying for something like that.”

“Oh, I would handle all the costs, of course. I thought that was implied.”

_ How annoying… _ Why the hell was he being so persistent anyway? As if he had anything to gain from this, aside from riling him up even further…

But… if that was all he was going to ask for, in exchange for what he was offering… wasn’t that actually a decent deal? Mamoru frowned, trying to figure out how likely it was that he was just lying.

He did know that Natsume was pretty loaded. That wasn’t much of a secret. He’d certainly never tried to hide it. He also knew of the rumors going around about him, that his dad was some kind of mafia boss or something, and that was why Natsume could ask for such outlandish favors from him.

Well, he doubted the mafia part was actually true, though. Either way, though, what did he have to lose by agreeing? Even if he didn’t have much faith in him, so what? He’d just waste a couple hours of his life and then move on, probably. Not like he’d have much else to do anyway, considering his contract was probably already toast…

He narrowed his eyes.

“You’re not gonna make me sign anything, are you?”

Natsume shook his head.

“Unless you would prefer me to…?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Understood. In that case, just your word will do.”

Natsume held out his gloved hand for a handshake. Mamoru stared at it for a very long time, wrestling back and forth with himself on whether or not this was a good idea. Deep down inside, though, he knew he didn’t have much of a choice. He was too far in, too desperate… too alone. He would have agreed to Natsume’s deal eventually, even if he’d asked for something even more absurd.

He got out of his seat with a sigh. Then, with great hesitation, slowly reached out to grasp Natsume’s hand. His grip was firm, yet oddly rigid. It almost felt like he was holding hands with a robot.

Natsume beamed.

“I look forward to our partnership, Izumi-san.”

* * *

“Do forgive me for calling in so late, Father. I hope I am not disturbing you in any way.”

…

“Ah, I see. Wonderful. In that case, I have a request to make… Could you please forward me Sasaki-san’s contact information?”

…

“Oh, no, it’s not for me. I am simply helping out a friend.”

…

“Of course not. He had agreed to it of his own will. All I did was offer the option.”

…

“Thank you. On that note, there is another situation that I would also very much appreciate if you could aid me in dealing with… Completely unrelated, of course. It just so happens that this friend of mine requires a  _ tiny _ bit of assistance. Assuming you have the time to spare-“

…

“Ah, thank you very much. In that case, I shall be informing you of the details through email in just a moment. I am truly grateful for your generosity.”

…

“…My apologies. It’s… a habit. I am just not entirely comfortable with the idea of not expressing my gratitude adequately. Is that a problem?”

…

“Very well, then. I look forward to our next meeting.”

…

Natsume Rintarou breathed a sigh.


	21. Morning Glory

_ You’ve been instructed to be polite. That, you can do. No matter how unfair it all seems, you’ve already heard the lectures plenty of times. You’ve been scolded more than enough. You understand how you’re supposed to behave to get them to lower their guard around you, to not consider you a problem child. _

_ You’ve had so many different foster parents, you’ve lost count after a while. _

_ That’s a lie. You remember each and every single one. Some more vividly than others. Some just a little more awful than the rest. The numbers don’t matter, though. You can calculate over and over as many times as you want, the odds won’t suddenly shift in your favor. You won’t ever end up in good hands, and that’s just something that you’ve had to accept. _

_ And so, you mind your manners when you introduce yourself. You’re polite and reserved as you’re shown around the house. One of the other kids makes fun of your blind eye, and, resisting the urge to punt them into a wall, you adjust your hair to cover it better. You’ll get back at them later, once you’re out of sight. _

_ You’ll have to help out at a nearby pharmacy, they’ve said. That’s fine. That’ll make it easier to get your prescription meds. Worst case scenario, you’ll just sneak them out if you can’t get them otherwise. You’ve lost your patience with that over time. You know all too well you can’t count on the adults to help. _

_ Your room is tiny and cramped, but at least it’s all yours this time around. You already spot plenty of tiny nooks and crannies to hide your belongings in. You flop down onto the mattress. _

_ One day when you’re all grown up, you’ll have your own place and a proper job. You won’t be forced to sneak around like this anymore. You won’t have to rely on shitty adults to take care of you. _

_ You roll over onto your back. _

_ If only you could be patient. _

* * *

Night shift was always the best. She’d have something to occupy her mind with during times she wouldn’t have been able to fall asleep anyway, customers would be rare enough to let her breathe between them, and, most importantly, she’d be on shift alone, which meant she could goof around as much as she wanted and there would be nobody around to tell her off. Or at least until the cleaners arrived in the early hours of the morning.

Komatsu Yui was a woman of simple needs, and she could easily entertain herself at work for hours.

The pharmacy she worked at was relatively small, though it was still much larger than the cramped, crummy one she’d been used to back home. The cleanliness, she could definitely appreciate. Even the break room in the back was squeaky clean. On her first day, she’d spent a couple minutes searching for the ashtray before being told that she wasn’t allowed to smoke inside. At the time, it had definitely irked her a bit. Now, the memory just made her laugh.

She’d been so easy to rile up back then. She couldn’t even imagine getting so fired up about something so small anymore.

She got off her phone as soon as she heard the door open, slipping it into her pocket and greeting the person that walked in. A middle aged woman, dressed in a cheap suit that was clearly a size too big for her. Tempting as it was to playfully remark on it, Yui had had to learn a long time ago that even her lighter jokes were rarely appreciated by the customers. So she held her tongue, instead comfortably leaning on the counter, propping her chin up with one hand.

“How may I help you?”

The woman was meek and quiet. She kept her gaze on the floor the whole time, as though afraid to look her in the eye, handing her a prescription with shaking hands. She was well-spoken, at least; she answered all of Yui’s questions in a manner far more eloquent and straightforward than most people she had to deal with, which was definitely appreciated. The fact that she didn’t need to go looking too far for her medication was also pretty nice. It was always a pain when people came in having no idea what they were looking for and made her comb through the entire place from top to bottom.

When it was time to pay, the woman pulled out her card. Only, it was rejected. She seemed to shrink in on herself. Yui calmly instructed her to try again, but the results were the same even after the second and third attempts. And even though Yui herself showed no signs of being bothered – because she really wasn’t –, the woman seemed increasingly agitated regardless, stammering out apologies one after another.

By the end, as she told her to cancel the purchase after all, head hanging low in defeat, she sounded like she was about to cry. Yui paused. It was still a while before any of her coworkers would show up. She knew how lax her boss was about keeping track of what they still had in stock, and she knew they hadn’t bothered to check any of the security footage in years. So, leaning closer to the woman, she quietly whispered in her ear.

“Keep this between the two of us, would you?”

Blocking the camera with her body just in case as naturally as she could manage, she gently slipped the container into the woman’s bag. The woman must not have had the courage to argue. Yui could see the disbelief and fear in her eyes, like she was worried she was trying to set her up and get her in trouble. And as bad as she felt about it, she didn’t feel like spending the next few minutes trying to convince her to take it, so she simply straightened her back, putting on the most serious expression she could manage, gesturing towards the door.

The woman continued staring at her, her shoulders dropping lower and lower. Tears were starting to form in her eyes. Hugging her bag to her chest, she squeaked out a thank you, bowing her head and rushing out the door.

Yui breathed a tired sigh.

This wasn’t the first time she’d done this. And if her boss were to catch her, she was definitely going to be fired, if not worse. But even if she didn’t have the kind of money to be spending it on strangers, she couldn’t just deny them medication they were in need of-

Well, she could have. She just wasn’t going to. And she didn’t care much how her coworkers – or anyone else, as a matter of fact – would have judged her for it if they knew. This place would be just fine even if she smuggled out a couple containers here and there. If people needed help, they needed help. Anyone trying to argue with that she would have considered, quite frankly, a moron and a jackass.

She pulled her phone back out. She still had a couple more hours to go. Her head was already starting to pound, a bit sooner than she would’ve expected. Without thinking, she reached into her pocket, pulling out her bottle of painkillers and popping it open with ease. Just one pill and a couple minutes later, and the headache began subsiding once again. She slumped down on the chair in the corner, stretching lazily, stifling a yawn.

She’d almost forgotten she still had to perform tomorrow… or today, she supposed, considering it was long past midnight by now.  _ What a pain… _ Did she even have to attend…? She’d signed up for the free lodging, but it wasn’t like they were going to kick her out even if she were to ditch. It seemed like everyone else was doing that anyway.

Her mind flashed back to the promise she’d made to Kazuma, and she pursed her lips. The kid was probably going to be pretty disappointed if she decided not to show. He already seemed to be down enough about his friends ditching. It felt a little… unfair. Like she’d promised to go to a child’s birthday party but decided to cancel at the last minute. Which was pretty stupid. It wasn’t like she owed him anything. And he was a big boy; he’d get over it eventually. She doubted he would’ve held it against her anyway.

Her hand had instinctively wandered towards her pocket. With a shrug, she pulled her bottle out again.

* * *

“…Shouldn’t you have gotten going already?”

With Momo at morning practice and Nao working in the library, Yuriko was the only person left in the dorm to bother her… after she’d managed to finally stagger out of bed, that is, with her alarms having been ringing through the room for over an hour.

Yui rolled over in bed to peer at her. She was standing in the doorway, still dressed in her sleepwear – a long nightgown with a spider web pattern – her hair wrapped in a towel. Phone in one hand, melon bread in the other, she seemed like she’d just about prepared to have breakfast before she’d popped back in to check on her. Which was kind of odd, because Yuriko hardly ever talked to her, let alone bothered to check how she was doing.

Yui tucked her arms under her head, crossing her legs.

“What, you worried?”

“Not really.”

“Haven’t you got class soon?”

“Prof cancelled at the last minute.”

“So… you’re gonna just stand there, starin’ at me all creepy.”

Yuriko paused briefly.

“Yeah, actually. Unless you mind.”

Yui snickered.

“Nah. Do what you want.”

Yuriko took a bite of her bread as she leaned against the door, slipping her phone into her pocket. As she examined Yui with the faintest frown visible on her face, she raised a brow.

“…Isn’t that Momo’s shirt?”

Yui looked down at herself. She hadn’t actually bothered to check what she’d thrown on last night before she’d clambered into bed. She’d been so out of it, she’d just grabbed the first shirt she could find without even looking. Now that she’d actually managed to get a couple hours of sleep, she could see one of Momo’s Sanrio print tees hanging off of her, very clearly a couple sizes too large for her frame.

“Apparently. Y’think she’ll notice?”

Yuriko shook her head, though Yui wasn’t sure if she was answering her question or just showing disapproval. Either way, she didn’t feel like taking it off now. It was far too comfortable.

Letting one of her arms hang off, she pointed to Yuriko’s bread instead.

“Gimme. Just a bite.”

With a deep sigh, Yuriko tore off a sizeable piece and handed it over. The taste of sweet bread in the morning was always a pleasure. Yui munched away happily, savoring every bite. She was probably supposed to make breakfast soon, but she hadn’t found the energy to move just yet. Even after she’d already taken her meds, her body still felt sluggish, her brain foggy as always.

It probably should have scared her more. Being a med student and all that, she was intimately familiar with the effects prolonged sleeplessness had on the human brain and body. Whether from cognitive dissonance or just a lack of willingness to care, though, she couldn’t find it in herself to be too bothered. It wasn’t like it could be helped. Her doc already let her know there wasn’t much else they could do, so she’d just have to make do.

It hadn’t been too hard to accept even at the time. Maybe because part of her had given up hope a long time ago. It was at least nice, having considerate roommates. She could make as many bratty demands as she felt like, and, as long as she didn’t cross any lines, all would be well. She could even occasionally ditch some chores if she felt particularly exhausted. Without asking for an explanation, someone else would begrudgingly get it done. Plus she did try to make up for it in her own way whenever she could.

Yuriko was still staring at her, like she had something that she was curious about but hadn’t quite figured yet how to ask about it – or if she was even going to at all. There was no harm in going along, Yui supposed. Normally you practically had to drag Yuriko into it if you wanted her to care about your troubles. If she was witnessing a rare side to her, she figured she might as well appreciate it.

“So you’re not going,” Yuriko finally said, finished with her bread. With her hands now empty, she crossed her arms. She would’ve easily passed for a disapproving parent if it wasn’t for the still partially asleep look in her eyes. Yui doubted it was intentional on her part, though.

“Nah. Not feelin’ it.”

“Hm.”

“Hm indeed.”

“Is it because everyone else has dropped out?”

Yui hummed.

“Kinda. But not really.”

She just stopped caring at some point. Or… it would have been more accurate to say she’d never cared. And she’d never been the type to go along with something that was more trouble than its worth for too long. Not like it was a big deal.

“Cryptic…” Yuriko remarked with the slightest hint of amusement. Even so, she didn’t smile.

“Not like I had anythin’ that special planned.”

Which was true. She would have just half-assed it to begin with, like she’d half-assed everything she had no interest in.

“Why? You been worried, Riko?”

“More curious than worried.”

“Oh yeah? You gonna follow suit?”

“Probably not,” Yuriko cocked her head to the side. “I don’t like to waste free chances. And… I haven’t gotten what I want out of it yet anyway. There wouldn’t be much point.”

Yui finally sat up in bed, her joints popping one after another as she stretched like a cat. She was feeling a little more awake now. Not necessarily in great shape, but she wasn’t going to be able to fall back asleep anyway.

“You sound like you wanna talk. Feel free to elaborate,” Yui leaned on one of her hands, a lazy smirk making its way onto her face.

If nothing else, she did enjoy listening to other people talk. Whether it was someone addressing her directly, or just background noise in a large crowd… It was a welcome distraction from all the problems she’d end up thinking way too hard about, a refreshing break from unpleasant memories resurfacing against her will. And it was always a plus when it actually managed to grab her interest, or when it allowed her to sound like a bigger smartass than she actually was.

Yuriko seemed to be hesitating. That wasn’t much of a surprise. She’d always been quiet and withdrawn even around her friends. That was exactly why it was so entertaining to see her in this kind of position, seemingly wrestling with herself about whether or not to share her feelings.

“It’s really not that interesting,” she pursed her lips. “You’re looking to poke fun at me, aren’t you?”

“Kinda.”

“That’s pretty mean.”

“To anyone else, prolly.”

“I have feelings too, you know.”

“Duh. But you can take it.”

“Based on what?”

“Based on the fact that you’re still talkin’.”

Yuriko’s hair fell down to her waist as she removed the towel.

“Fine. Yeah, you got me. It just feels weird that you’d ask me out of nowhere.”

Was it really that unexpected? From how little they tended to interact, maybe. Yuriko combed her fingers through her hair, untangling the knots that had formed.

“I kind of have a feeling you already know and you’re just asking because you wanna see me squirm.”

Yui gave her a couple claps, which she returned with a flat look, taking it as confirmation.

“At least you’re honest.”

“It’s my charm point.”

“Your charm point is letting me steal your cigarettes.”

“That all I am to you, Riko? Your smoke dispenser?”

“Yes.”

Yui laughed. This was probably the longest conversation they’d ever had.

She shifted positions again to lie on her stomach, propping her chin up with both hands.

“Your job really that big of a bother?”

Yuriko stiffened at the sudden question. This sort of thing had always been… not exactly a touchy subject, just something difficult to bring up with her, as far as Yui could tell. She might not even have picked up on it if they hadn’t been roommates for a month now. But her bashfulness about her profession was hard to hide in these kinds of circumstances, especially with how much Yui enjoyed people watching.

“…It’s not my job.”

“It’s part of your job.”

“Against my will,” she straightened her back. “I just take the jobs that pay the most. That’s how freelance works.”

Yui giggled.

“You in need of money that bad? You must be at least kinda into ghost huntin’. Ain’t nobody holdin’ a gun to your head to accept.”

Yuriko’s face was beginning to turn red. Her cool and distant demeanor was crumbling bit by bit as her expression was becoming increasingly embarrassed. It was pretty cute, seeing her so flustered; Yui had never gotten to bring the topic up like this before, so she hadn’t been sure what to expect.

“It’s not ghost hunting…”

“Yeah?”

“It’s not…! It’s horror-themed photography at best- Dontcha laugh at me like that ya…” Yuriko’s voice trailed off as she realised her accent had begun to slip. She cleared her throat, seemingly doing her best to compose herself, averting her gaze.

_ Adorable. _

“I-it’s not like I’m embarrassed… I’m just saying. I didn’t get to pick my title. Nobody here did.”

That was true, she supposed. Aragaki never gave out her full title if she could help it. It was always ‘photographer’, maybe with ‘freelance’ tacked on if she was feeling extra. Never ‘paranormal photographer’, not even close, even though anyone could have found out those were the sorts of photos she was mainly taking if they had taken just a couple seconds to search up her name.

“Then why’re you still doin’ it if you hate it so bad?”

She knew the answer already, of course. Yuriko could flail and scramble as much as she wanted to, she was very much an open book when someone managed to catch her off-guard. Granted, she didn’t think she’d cause her to become so flustered so as to not even be able to come up with a response. Sliding off the bed, Yui gave her a soft pat on the head, albeit refusing to wipe the smug grin off her face.

“Ain’t no reason to be ashamed of it if you’re into that, Riko.”

Yuriko huffed.

“I’m older than you.”

“And?”

“You’re talking down to me.”

“Yeah.”

“Unbelievable…” she squinted at her. Even now, though, the annoyance felt played up on her part. It was probably her way of regaining control over the conversation.

Yui could let her have that much. It was only fair. She might have started to feel bad if she bullied her too hard, after all.

Yuriko tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.

“I’d just… like to be taken more seriously. And that won’t happen until I get more respectable gigs.”

“Eehh… That’s a surprise. Didn’t think you’d be the type to care.”

“…It’s whatever.”

“But, y’know, it ain’t gotta be a big deal like that. Not like most people will care.”

“You’re not disproving my point by doing that. You get that, right?”

“Doin’ what?”

“Making fun of me for it.”

Yui patted her own chest.

“I’m the exception, not the rule.”

Yuriko seemed like she had a retort ready at first, but she must have changed her mind because she only ended up shrugging. Walking past Yui, she opened up her closet, gathering up clothes to change into. As she took off her nightgown, she threw one last glance over her shoulder.

“Well… I have class to get to soon, so if you’ll excuse me…”

Yui plopped back down onto the nearest bed, swinging her legs back and forth.

“Did somethin’ good happen, by the way?”

“Huh?”

“You’re pretty talkative today. Assumin’ somethin’ put you in a mood like that.”

Yuriko turned back to her closet, pulling on a pair of fishnet stockings.

“I just figured you’d have had a similar reason for signing up. So I was just curious.”

“Why would you think that?”

“Mostly because of how miserable you seem at your job.”

Yui stiffened. Of all the things she could’ve replied with, that wasn’t one she would’ve expected. She was always miserable to begin with; that had nothing to do with her job. Why would she have even arrived at a conclusion like that? Sure, she didn’t love her job, but it really wasn’t  _ that _ bad, and if the pay was enough for rent and all, she wasn’t going to complain. What else was she supposed to do? Study even longer to become a nurse or a doctor, then overwork herself until her body collapsed?  _ Nah. _

Yuriko finished changing. Fishing her phone back out, her eyes became glued to the screen once again as she headed towards the door. She stopped in the doorway, but only for a moment.

“Nice talking to you.”

By the time Yui could bring herself to reply, she was already gone.

* * *

Despite the heat, sitting on the rooftop was actually pretty pleasant. There was just enough shade to comfortably settle in, especially with the sun already quite low on the sky. The evening breeze helped a fair bit as well, ruffling their hair ever so slightly each time it blew across.

Kazuma was definitely feeling under the weather, as Yui had expected. She wasn’t going to apologise. It wasn’t like she’d done anything wrong, after all. So, instead she extended the bong for him to take. Nothing that a bit of chilling isn’t gonna fix, right? To her surprise, though, he shook his head.

“I’m good.”

All the more for her. She wasn’t gonna complain about that. She did, however, peer at him a little more closely.

“Why the long face, hm?”

Apology or no, talking about it should have been okay. Better than just sitting around in this depressive silence, at least. Normally nobody could get him to shut up either, so she doubted he didn’t  _ want _ to bring it up at all.

It did feel a little bit like she was babysitting a child, trying to analyze what sort of treat she could bribe them with to get them to cheer up again. She was by far the most laidback person she knew here in her own humble opinion, so maybe there wasn’t much helping that… although Kazuma had also always been more on the simpleminded side anyway, so it could’ve also been a bit of both.

He would probably be back to normal in no time. Otherwise… it would’ve been a shame to lose her smoking buddy.

“…Why didn’t you come?”

Gosh, he looked just like a kicked puppy. Without thinking, she reached out to affectionately mess with his hair.

“Wasn’t feelin’ it.”

“Mm…”

“That got you so depressed?”

“…Nah,” he shrugged, clearly aiming for it to come off as lighthearted. He was still just as bad at lying as always, though.

She could at least tell he wasn’t upset with her. Which, yeah, she’d guessed already, but the confirmation was still nice. He was a bit like Momo in that regard; always patient and nice, sometimes even when the other person didn’t deserve it. Like a cute little puppy.

“Not like it’s a big deal or anythin’… Just, y’know… Everyone’s been talkin’ all sortsa serious stuff about it and I don’t really get it.”

Of course he didn’t get it. He was far too innocent and sheltered in that regard, always assuming that everyone was operating with the best of intentions. He probably wasn’t going to understand unless someone decided to spell it out for him.

Not that she would be the person to do that. Quite frankly, she couldn’t find it in herself to care about the whole thing, or at least not nearly as much as some of the others seemed to. She already had her hands full dealing with her own problems; the last thing she needed was getting wound up over some TV show. With how intense Kotori and Hiromi had been about it, they were probably doing more than enough work to make up for everyone else anyway, let alone her in particular.

It just seemed… so tiring. She had to wonder how they had so much energy.

“Eh. Just a whole lotta moral posturin’. Don’t worry your li’l head so much.”

He frowned.

“But I  _ wanna _ get it. ‘cause, like, all my friends seem to. And if they think it’s important, it prolly is.”

She cocked her head to the side.

“So, what, you’re just followin’ the crowd?”

“N-no, that ain’t it… Just… y’know…”

“Yeah?”

“They prolly know more about this kinda stuff than I do. So… feels like I gotta trust them.”

“Why?”

“’Why’…?”

“Ain’t nothin’ gonna happen even if you just stand by. Why d’you feel like you gotta care?”

“Well, uh…” he hesitated for a moment, clearly struggling with his words.

Maybe she was being a little hard on him, pushing his buttons on purpose like that. It wasn’t like she was trying to bully him – not this time. She was just curious. She wanted to see if he’d be able to give a better answer, one that didn’t feel so half-assed.

Part of her might have also been kind of hoping he’d admit maybe he was thinking too hard about it all after all. It wouldn’t have been out of character, she thought. These were just… not the kind of conversations she wanted to have while hanging out. The reason she’d gravitated so much towards him out of everyone in the first place was because he’d always been so chill about everything. It was the exact kind of thing she was looking for. So she’d have someone to kick back and relax with occasionally to take her mind off all the bullshit she had to deal with every day.

He would probably listen if she told him she just didn’t wanna talk about the Game, or any of the baggage that came with it. Even if it did feel just a tiny bit harsh, with how bothered he seemed to be by it. But she’d never been good at saying her feelings straight out like that. The thought always made her feel… awkward, she supposed. Like if she didn’t have humor to fall back on, she’d end up making herself look somehow vulnerable. And that was just no fun.

She gave him a light pat on the shoulder.

“Just messin’ with you, li’l man. Don’t strain that gigabrain too hard.”

He breathed a sigh of relief. Despite that, she could see the tension in his shoulders had hardly eased. Well, whatever. If he wanted answers so bad, he could go badger someone else about it.

“…Maybe I  _ am _ overthinkin’ it, I dunno,” he dug his fingers into his hair, absentmindedly playing with it. “Guess it won’t matter for a while anyway.”

“Hm?”

“’Cause it’s goin’ on hiatus, they said.”

He dropped his hands back down to drum on his knees instead, legs crossed.

“Was gonna happen anyway, what with exams and all that. Apparently it’s gonna be way longer, though. Kinda sucks.”

That was actually pretty funny, but she figured she probably shouldn’t laugh considering it must’ve been bothering him. She did, however, make a mental note to ask around about it later.

“Ain’t nothin’ you can do to help that, hm?” she shrugged. “Might as well focus on the fun stuff in the meantime.”

“I guess…”

“Festival’s almost here too. You goin’?”

He gave a small nod.

“Prolly. Assumin’ everyone else’s still free.”

She smacked his chest lightly.

“Nice. Hope we meet up at some point.”

“Why don’t we just agree to meet somewhere to begin with…?”

“No can do. Got a date with some delicious sake first.”

At that, he did crack a smile.

“Man, you’re always goin’ for the drinks first…”

“Life’s too short to worry about it.”

“Fair enough. I’ll… see you there at some point, then.”

The festival, she definitely wasn’t gonna ditch. As far as she knew, most of the others were going too anyway. What was she gonna do, spend the night in the dorm all on her own? She wasn’t  _ that _ lazy. Not like she was gonna be able to sleep through it anyway.

She held up one of her hands for a high five. Kazuma didn’t leave her hanging.

* * *

**ru** @butteredpecans · July 3   
tuned in to see what everyone was screaming about and wow somehow this was so depressing to watch

**eruru** @pannacotta636363 · July 3   
i had a dream tonight that kotori-chan and i got married (⸝⸝ᵕᴗᵕ⸝⸝) its a sign from the heavens

**Pancake King** @m6f8zy30413 · July 3   
Megathread of today’s clips~ Thanks for all the support, guys! :) I’m okay, don’t worry!  #HPAEG

**Yumi** @yumisblog · July 3   
The secondhand embarrassment when they called for komatsu-san and she didnt show was honestly too much to take (〃艸〃)

**kiwi’s corner** @kiwidraws0 · July 3   
MY ACCOUNT MAY HAVE BEEN DELETED BUT I WILL NOT LET THEM SILENCE ME!! SPREAD THE WORD  #justiceforizumin

**Chai** @chaiteatime1203 · July 3   
the train is continuing to crash and i couldnt be happier


	22. Violet

_ The stage is occupied. You hear someone ask in a hushed tone why knives were allowed. The brightly colored attire is definitely not the kind of thing you’d normally make. You’re still proud of it, though. It suits its wearer. And knives don’t freak you out much to begin with, so when he begins throwing them, you’re clapping along like a child at a circus, your eyes sparkling. _

_ The stage is occupied. The long robe, you’ve been asked to tone down more times than you can count. You really didn’t mean to be so difficult. Your personality just tends to bleed into everything you make. It came out quite nice, though, you think. You even made the sleeves short so the ink wouldn’t stain them. Your efforts don’t go underappreciated. Once all the calligraphy is finished, you receive words of gratitude. _

_ The stage is occupied. You’re dressed in one of your favourites. You’d made it just for this occasion originally, but you’ve already worn it to a couple events. It’s just so pretty, you couldn’t hold back. You just had to show it off to as many people as possible. You show off your other dresses too, of course. They spin around the room on automated mannequins. You selected each and every one extremely carefully. You want them to absolutely woo everyone who sees them. You want everyone to be mesmerized, you want to keep their eyes on you and only you for as long as you can. You wonder if your parents are watching. _

_ The last person doesn’t arrive. _

* * *

Tsutsui Rena hadn’t been especially interested in holidays for most of her life. Not because she had anything against them, really. In fact, many of their origins she actually found incredibly romantic or otherwise intriguing. And considering how often Tooru would lecture her about traditions and whatnot, she was at least decently knowledgeable. She’d just never really had anyone to celebrate them with. Having grown up with her parents rarely around, and the maids rather busy, she’d spent most of them alone as a child, having to find inventive ways to occupy herself on her own. Though she usually just hung out on the internet all day. Even then, her mood tended to sour as most of her online friends would become too busy to talk to her, spending time with their own families. So she just never understood their appeal.

She’d been in high school when Tooru had taken her to her first festival. Although… it would have been more accurate to say she’d taken him. He’d asked her rather bashfully if she’d be willing to accompany him, as he was far too shy to attend an event like that on his own. She’d teased him about it lots, of course – a fully grown adult, afraid to go out alone? But she  _ had  _ agreed to go with him in the end. Admittedly, she’d been pretty curious what all the fuss was about.

Even after her first time, though, she hadn’t managed to get it. Not really. It had been fun, sure, but they could’ve just as easily wandered around through the city and ended up enjoying themselves just as much. Not to mention the crowd and the mosquitoes…  _ Yikes. _

It was only when she’d attended one in her first year of college with a slightly bigger group of friends that she finally understood how these sorts of events were meant to be experienced.

She did love Tooru dearly, as a friend. He’d always been there for her when she needed him, and it wasn’t like she  _ didn’t _ enjoy spending time with him. But he himself had said that he wasn’t really meant for these sorts of things. Hanging out with him was always more fun staying indoors, or at least in places more serene and peaceful and much less noisy.

With the others, though, it was a blast. Momo was an excellent mood maker, and always seemed to know how to cheer up everyone else. Nao was fun and inventive, and had a knack for rescuing every get-together no matter how badly it seemed to be going. Yokoyama, uptight as she could be, was considerably more independent and outgoing than Tooru, and was incredibly cute when she’d get embarrassed about it. Kotori would usually decline, but when she did decide to come along, she would always be surprisingly laidback and sweet. Even Aragaki – passive as Rena had assumed her to be at first – was a chatterbox as long as they were only exchanging text messages, which tended to make for lots of moments where they’d both snicker over a joke they’d just made, only to have everyone else wonder what on earth they were finding so funny.

That kind of group dynamic was always something she’d yearned for but never known if she would ever achieve. The kind of thing she’d only ever seen in dramas before, and wasn’t even sure if it was real. And she’d always been a tad socially awkward around strangers – so even if she did bump into people she could get along with, who knew if she’d be able to come out of her shell…?

She probably wouldn’t have been able to. Not if Momo hadn’t knocked her off her feet during their first meeting, then invited her out for coffee as an apology. Even at the time, her heart had been pounding, struggling to figure out how she was supposed to respond, what she was supposed to do. She hadn’t even been able to reply out loud, instead only giving a timid nod in return.

Over time, she did warm up to her. And to everyone else. Her voice would catch in her throat less and less, she’d have to reach for her phone more and more rarely. She’d still do it on occasion when she felt especially lazy, but the fact that it was out of convenience rather than a lack of options made her feel a lot less tense about it. Momo had even tried to learn a bit of sign language for her. Even though she’d mix words and phrases up so often, Rena had never minded. If anything, she’d found it endearing. Momo had always been especially kind to her, even out of everyone else.

Admiring her reflection in the mirror, she spun around slowly. She wasn’t accustomed to wearing a yukata; she’d had to ask Tooru to come over and help her put it on in fear of ending up looking utterly ridiculous by accident. He had teased her about it, but only a little. He hadn’t even grumbled while she’d asked him to wait for her to finish up her hair and makeup.

Now that she was finished, she was feeling quite proud of herself. Back in her teenage years, she’d never really been able to like herself very much. She’d nitpick her appearance, she’d try fad diet after fad diet, and she’d be terrified to show her face outside without makeup no matter the circumstance. Right now, she wasn’t feeling any of that. Examining herself from head to toe, the harsh criticism she’d struggled so much to overcome – and would still resurface from time to time – was nowhere to be found. In fact, she was feeling even cuter than the usual.

Today was finally going to be the day she was going to sweep Momo off her feet once and for all, especially now that that asshole Izumi wouldn’t dare show his face around her. Good riddance! She wouldn’t have to spend hours upon hours convincing her anymore that she deserved better, that she had no reason to be putting up with his treatment of her. Someone like Izumi wouldn’t have ever been able to appreciate her properly, even as just a friend.

She nodded to herself, psyching herself up one last time before it was time to go. She could do this. They’d gone out on so many dates, they’d held hands and cuddled so many times…  _ surely _ there was no way she was going to say no today, right? Gosh, she would have been so embarrassed if she did… but she couldn’t let the thought stop her. She wasn’t going to get anywhere but overthinking everything.

Her mask was going to come in handy, at least. She would’ve taken it off normally, considering they were definitely going to buy lots of snacks, but the option to be able to possibly hide behind it was far too good to pass up.

She popped back into the living room to cheerfully announce:

“I’m ready!”

Tooru, having been absentmindedly flipping through a notebook he’d left at her place quite some time ago, flinched to attention. He snapped the notebook shut, placing it back down and getting to his feet.

He was wearing a yukata much more plain than hers. No matter how much she’d whined about it, he insisted he didn’t want to stand out, so she gave up trying to convince him otherwise after a while… even if she did find it really boring. She was at least happy that he’d decided to go, even if she’d had to beg and beg what had felt like a million times before he’d caved. She did promise she’d let him sneak away if he felt overwhelmed at any point, which may have been what pushed him over the edge.

“Regretting things yet?” she peered up at him mischievously.

He breathed a heavy sigh.

“Not  _ yet _ . I’m just wondering if it’s really a good idea for me to go after all.”

“Oh, it’ll be fun!”

“It just feels kind of strange. Your friends are all very pleasant, but we don’t exactly talk often. And I’m the only guy as well…”

Even though she knew he couldn’t see it, she was pouting.

“Geez, gender has nothing to do with it… And it’s not like there won’t be any guys there, if you’re so worried about that. You big baby. I doubt our groups won’t mix.”

“…Probably. I’m just nervous.”

“You’ll be fine! Yokoyama-chan is as much of a boomer as you anyway, so you can always just bond over that.”

She’d have expected a retort to that. Instead, though, his lips twitched into a flustered smile.

“Thank you, that’s really sweet of you. I’ll… at least try. It does sound nice, if nothing else.”

Even though she should have been used to sincere sentiments like that, coming from him, they still managed to somehow catch her off-guard every single time. Her gaze flickered away, and she swiftly switched to signing.

“ _ Let’s go if you’re ready. _ ”

Tooru didn’t ask about it. He never did. He was polite and considerate like that. That was another thing she could appreciate about him. Not that that stopped her from letting out a soft giggle later when he sheepishly turned to her to ask for help with the directions. She’d almost forgotten his phone didn’t have GPS.

* * *

“Are you still upset over Monday?”

“N-no…? Why would you think that?”

“You just keep making the same funny face.”

“That’s just my face.”

“You can’t lie to me, Tooru-chan. I see right through you.”

“Well, either way, I’m not upset. It’s not like I wanted to go beyond one round anyway. And, you know, I’m happy for you-“

“Then?”

“…It’s just embarrassing, okay? I’m trying not to think about it.”

“Hehe…”

“Hush. People are going to stare.”

“Nobody is staring, you dummy.”

…

“And anyway, you did just fine! There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

“…Do you really think so?”

“Yes! I already said so, didn’t I?”

“Alright, there’s no need to rub it in-“

“Baby.”

“…Am I old then, or a baby? Make up your mind.”

“Both.”

“That doesn’t even make any sense.”

“Bweeee.”

Rena skipped past him cheerfully.

* * *

Fortunately they didn’t need to wander around too long before they bumped into the first group. Minamoto, Chiba, Kazuma and Taka. None of them dressed up, unfortunately, which Rena didn’t hesitate to remark about with a pout. Tooru scolded her for being so rude, but the others only laughed it off. Minamoto quietly asked her later if she’d be willing to lend her a yukata next time.

Akiyama and Yokoyama seemed to be together, which was something she probably should’ve expected. They did stick with the main group longer than she thought they would, though, before they split off to do their own thing. She pretended not to notice when they snuck away.

They bumped into Komatsu at one point. Rena cheered as she was handed a candy apple.

Natsurin, to her delight, came dressed in a beautiful yukata covered in intricate flowery patterns, complete with an elegant umbrella he was daintily holding onto. The two of them spent a while exchanging compliments.

Her disappointment was immeasurable when none of the other girls came dressed up.

Okay, that may have been a tiny bit of an exaggeration. It wasn’t that big of a deal. She may have spent ages yearning to see Momo in particular in a yukata, but it was something she could get over. That didn’t stop her from dramatically sulking for a bit, though… or at least Nao offered her some takoyaki she’d picked up. She was easy enough to please.

She didn’t try to set her plan into motion too early. It would have felt a bit rude, splitting off from everyone else so prematurely. Or at least without having agreed upon it ahead of time. So she did her best to focus on just trying to enjoy herself for the time being as they checked out all the stalls, participated in a couple of games, and picked up as much food as they could manage on the way.

There did come a point, though, where the perfect opportunity seemed to present itself. People were starting to split apart, some of them leaving to go home early, some just needing a short break, some looking to revisit a particular game they wanted to give another shot.

She gave Tooru a quick glance. He seemed relatively occupied chatting with Minamoto for the time being.  _ Good _ . She would’ve felt bad leaving him on his own otherwise.

She tapped Momo on the shoulder.

“ _ Come with me, _ ” she signed. Momo seemed caught off-guard for a moment, but she didn’t seem opposed to the idea. In a burst of courage, Rena grabbed onto her hand, quietly guiding her away from the crowd, already trying to recall a good secluded spot they might have passed by.

She was pretty sure both Kotori and Aragaki noticed. Neither of them moved to stop them, though, which she took as a sign of approval. Step one had been a success. Now she just had to try to somehow not screw up the rest.

* * *

**webslinger** Today at 6:20 PM   
Are you sure u should be texting me rn?? :0

**minamoto** Today at 6:20 PM   
im sure theyll stop minding as soon as they know who im texting so its ok shshsh

**webslinger** Today at 6:20 PM   
Haha

**minamoto** Today at 6:20 PM   
i got a couple rlly funny creepshots do u wanna see

**webslinger** Today at 6:20 PM   
Sure

**webslinger** Today at 6:20 PM   
Btw

**webslinger** Today at 6:21 PM   
Do you remember when you asked me what i thought would make a good gift for natsurin??

**webslinger** Today at 6:21 PM   
Ive thought about it a bit more

**webslinger** Today at 6:21 PM   
Well idk its a good idea tho but i tried :,,D

**minamoto** Today at 6:21 PM   
shoot me

**minamoto** Today at 6:23 PM   
pls

**webslinger** Today at 6:23 PM   
Why dont you write him something? it wouldnt have to be anything long

**webslinger** Today at 6:23 PM   
But hes pretty into literature and stuff

**webslinger** Today at 6:23 PM   
Im sure hed really like it!! :)

**minamoto** Today at 6:23 PM   
write

**minamoto** Today at 6:23 PM   
like

**minamoto** Today at 6:23 PM   
what

**webslinger** Today at 6:23 PM   
Idk haha what kinda stuff do you usually write?

**minamoto** Today at 6:23 PM   
uhm

**minamoto** Today at 6:23 PM   
yknow

**minamoto** Today at 6:23 PM   
stuff

**webslinger** Today at 6:24 PM   
Lol sorry if its stupid

**minamoto** Today at 6:24 PM   
its not!! dwdw

**minamoto** Today at 6:24 PM   
i just feel kinda awks abt it

**minamoto** Today at 6:24 PM   
what if i try to make smth rlly good and he makes fun of me for it :x

**webslinger** Today at 6:24 PM   
I dont think natsurin is the type to make fun of people like that

**minamoto** Today at 6:24 PM   
he could do it unintentionally

**webslinger** Today at 6:25 PM   
I guess

**webslinger** Today at 6:25 PM   
Well i was just throwing it out there :)

**webslinger** Today at 6:25 PM   
You dont have to do it if you dont want to

**minamoto** Today at 6:25 PM   
iiiiiiill

**minamoto** Today at 6:25 PM   
think it over

**minamoto** Today at 6:25 PM   
ty for the effort tho it means a lot that uve thought about it

**webslinger** Today at 6:25 PM   
Np!

* * *

“So… did you wanna talk?”

Under no other circumstances would Rena have been willing to potentially dirty her clothes by sitting down in the grass. Today, though, the sacrifice felt worth it. Sitting next to Momo, in an area much more quiet and peaceful, surrounded by trees and greenery, she was already feeling surprisingly content even before she’d made any further progress.

But that was usually how she felt when it came to Momo. Doing pretty much anything with her was fun. Even just being near her made her chest feel all warm and fuzzy. If the thought of being caught in the act wouldn’t have made her feel so flustered, she would’ve kept staring at her longingly the entire time.

She’d always had a soft spot for all things cute, and Momo was absolutely adorable. The dorky way she tended to grin whenever she got excited about something, the embarrassed apologies she’d give whenever she’d accidentally bump into someone, when she’d miss one of her belongings right in front of her face while searching for it and then turn slightly red when teased about it… or when obvious hints would go straight over her head, no matter how clear Rena had tried to be about her feelings.

That last part had always been a mix of endearing and frustrating. But, to be fair, she herself hadn’t exactly been as straightforward as she’d wanted to be either. It was just… difficult to be genuine and serious like that. It was always so much easier to playfully flirt. Worst case scenario, if she got turned down, she could just play it off as her messing around like always. After all, there wasn’t a girl amongst her friends that she hadn’t called cute on at least a couple occasions.

She knew she couldn’t just keep going like that, though. As much as fantasizing about it made her swoon, she couldn’t just expect Momo to make the first move. Even if she did genuinely like her, which she was very much hoping for. After all, what if she missed her chance, and another girl managed to ask her out  _ properly _ before she could? The regret would have been too much to bear.

She was fidgeting far more than the usual. It was still hard to think of the right words, even if she knew what she was supposed to do. It wasn’t like she’d ever confessed to anyone before. She’d had been hit on plenty of times, but the vast majority of those occasions had been very much unappreciated, some of them far pushier than she would have liked. And… that just wasn’t the same. It would have been so much nicer if she only had to respond, if she didn’t have to be the one to bring up the question at all to begin with.

She bit her lip. Her heart was beating so fast, part of her started to be a little worried that she might faint. Perhaps it would be for the best to start with some small talk first.

When she finally found her voice again, it came out so high-pitched she managed to startle herself with it for a second.

“Mhm, I guess you could say that. B-but it’s nothing super serious, though, so don’t worry!”

Momo, fortunately, didn’t seem to have noticed. Her shoulders sunk with relief.

“I’m glad… I was kind of afraid you were mad at me, haha.”

“Eh-? For what?”

Momo lifted a hand to rub the back of her neck sheepishly.

“Because of the whole…  _ thing _ with Izumi-san.”

_ Ah. _ She did feel a little guilty about how pushy she’d been. It wasn’t really her place, telling Momo who she should or shouldn’t have been friends with. She knew that.

But, at the same time, it wouldn’t have felt right to leave it be. Friends were supposed to help each other out with these sorts of things, right? Maybe it had been selfish of her to have been so stubborn about it, but… she couldn’t find it in herself to be feeling regretful about it. Even if Momo would have gotten mad at her for it, even if she had come to hold a grudge against her, she would have still done the same thing. She would have still tried her best to convince her.

If that was unfair of her, then so be it. She’d never been afraid to be a little selfish here and there.

“I did actually know that you were right… I just didn’t wanna admit it. I didn’t want to feel like I was abandoning him unfairly. I’m not, like… that good at setting up boundaries and stuff. But you know that already.”

“Yeah-“

“Yeah, so I’m-“

“I hope you’re not about to apologise.”

“Oh.”

“I actually thought  _ you’d _ be mad at  _ me _ …”

“Me!?”

“Yeah. For meddling too much, I mean.”

“Mmm… I don’t really know if I would’ve listened otherwise, though. So… I’m sorta grateful, more than anything. I know you must’ve been  _ super _ frustrated dealing with me while I was being so stubborn, haha…”

“Oh, don’t say that! I can’t really deny that I was, but that wasn’t your fault.”

“I just feel bad for giving you so much trouble.”

Rena shook her head vehemently. She scooted a little closer, taking both of Momo’s hands in her own.

“You really weren’t! Don’t be so hard on yourself, geez…”

Momo softly chuckled.

“At least you’re feeling better, though, right?”

At that, Momo beamed, and Rena felt her heart flutter.

“Yeah, actually. I feel great.”

Okay, so the conversation may have started off a little rocky… but they were on the right track once again. She could still pull this off.

She opened her mouth.

“Oh, sup, guys! What’re you doin’ all the way over here?”

_ Oh, for the love of- _

Kazuma, expression innocent and unassuming, stood nearby with his hands in his pockets. When their eyes met, he waved. Rena begrudgingly returned it, even though she very much would’ve loved to just shove him back wherever he’d popped out of. Not too far behind him stood Taka, quietly facepalming. Rena didn’t hesitate to text him her displeasure. Her efforts were rewarded with a shrugging emoji. She sent back an especially grumpy looking one.

Momo, bless her heart, had no idea about anything going on.

“Mm? Is something up?”

“Not much, nah. Just headin’ over to meet back up with some of the others. Yuzuru’s found a bubble tea shop nearby apparently.”

_ Oh no. _

“You wanna come?”

_ Noooo! Read the room, gosh darn it… _

Momo’s eyes immediately lit up.

“I’m game! Or, uhm- if Rena-chan doesn’t mind.”

Rena was thankful she had her mask on, otherwise her disgruntled chipmunk-esque expression would have been on full display. Even though the timing had gotten on her nerves quite a bit, though, she couldn’t find it in herself to say no. It would’ve felt too mean out of nowhere. Even if it wouldn’t have been a big deal to Momo, she still wanted to give off the best possible impression before the most crucial moment.

Besides, the mood had already been kind of ruined… and it wasn’t like she herself wouldn’t have appreciated some bubble tea right now. So, very much sulking, she gave a stiff nod, accepting that she’d just have to give it another shot a bit later. Having Momo pull her to her feet did make her feel a tiny bit better about it.

* * *

The bubble tea had been delicious. She hated to admit, but the detour may have been kind of worth it. Even if she still kind of wanted to chuck her empty container at Kazuma’s head.

Taka did at least seem to have plenty of common sense for the both of them, on the bright side. And apparently some kindness too, as he took it upon himself to drag the others off somewhere else soon enough, letting the two girls be alone once again at last.

How unusual for him. Perhaps he’d found her angry little emojis intimidating.  _ Hehehe… _

Either way, she wasn’t going to question it too much. The important part was that the day wasn’t over yet, and thus, she had a chance. If anything, she should have been glad she’d waited, as the sun had finished setting completely, with some stars having started to appear.

She’d always found the night sky especially romantic. Maybe because of all the stories tied to it that she’d been taught about. Orihime and Hikoboshi, Princess Kaguya… The fact that most of them ended somewhat tragically had never bothered her. If anything, that sort of thing was far more likely to get her more deeply invested in them. Yearning for something or someone that you may never be able to attain… She knew all too well what that felt like. Her parents, always just out of reach. Her sister, having passed away while they’d both been young, reduced to faded memories. The friends she’d never got to make throughout her childhood.

The thought that she wasn’t alone having to struggle with these feelings comforted her a little. That maybe she wasn’t the one who was undeserving, that it wasn’t her fault things had turned out like this. Besides… even if the stories had sad endings, that didn’t mean hers had to end the same way. After all, she’d already gotten this far. She had friends now. Friends that she cared about, and that cared about her. She wasn’t doomed to a life of loneliness.

She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.  _ Take two. _

“Hey…”

“Mm?”

“Momo-chan… How do you feel about me?”

She’d said it. Oh god, she’d said it… She could feel her face heating up, slowly but surely; she pressed her hands to her cheeks, internally panicking already. Thank god it was dark out.

Momo blinked.

“Eehh…? Where did that come from?”

Rena shook her head.

“Not telling you!”

“Oh, geez…”

“I demand an answer.”

Surely even Momo should have been able to pick up on that kind of question, right. Even if she hadn’t said it straight out yet, it should have been obvious enough-

“Let’s see…” Momo hummed, tilting her head. “Uhm… Well, I mean… you’re really nice and sweet. And even though you joke around so much, you can be really sincere and serious when it matters. Uh…”

“And?”

“‘And’…? You’re one of my best friends and stuff.”

Rena internally screamed. She could not decide if Momo’s persistent obliviousness was more infuriating or cute. Either way, she had to resist the urge to flail in frustration. But it was still fine. She supposed she’d just have to carry it on her own. Embarrassing as it was, she was a big girl, she could make do… probably. Tooru was absolutely going to get on her case later if she just chickened out.

“Is that it?”

“Huh? Oh, uhm… I guess you’re also pretty cute.”

Her heart skipped a beat.

“Y-you  _ guess _ -?”

“You’re really giving me a hard time here, Rena-chan…”

_ That’s my line! _

“Are you feeling alright…? If there’s something you wanna tell me, you can just go for it, you know. I won’t bite. Promise.”

“…Momo-chan.”

“Yeah?”

“Have you ever thought of me as something more than a friend?”

“More than a friend…?”

She could practically see the cogs turning in Momo’s brain as she thought it over. She could pinpoint the exact moment Momo realised what she must have meant, as she opened and closed her mouth a couple times, visibly flustered.

“Do you mean-”

Before she could rejoice over her victory, though, Momo let out a nervous laugh.

“No, never mind.”

“Eh-?”

“It was a dumb thought. Don’t worry about it.”

“I’m sure it wasn’t! Tell me!”

“It’s kind of embarrassing-”

“I don’t mind! I won’t make fun of you, I promise!”

“You’re being  _ awfully _ pushy…”

“…Is that bad?”

“…N-no, but…”

In that moment, she accepted it. She accepted that, unless she was willing to beat her over the head with it, Momo was never going to take the possibility seriously.

She did know Momo didn’t have the best self esteem. She didn’t  _ dislike _ herself, that much, she was fairly certain of… but she’d always been very dismissive about the chances of other people admiring her. She would take compliments quite well, always nice and polite, but there would always be an air of insecurity remaining no matter how many she received. Like she didn’t really believe that anyone could possibly have a high opinion of her.

She’d mentioned to Rena in the past that she’d never had anyone confess to her. She’d sounded pretty cavalier about it. It must have bothered her at least a little, though, because her usual giggle had sounded just a tad more forced than normal. So… the obliviousness wasn’t really her fault. And Rena couldn’t be mad at her for it. Not  _ really _ .

More than anything, she felt… kind of sad. She took a deep breath.

“I actually do have something to tell you.”

“O-oh, really? What’s up?”

“But you have to promise to take it seriously, okay? No joking around.”

Momo seemed somewhat surprised, but she nodded anyway. Her hands were getting so sweaty…

“Momo-chan…”

Had her mouth always been so dry? Despite all odds, she managed to look Momo in the eyes.

“Would you like to go out with-”

A firework. And then another. In just mere moments, the sky had exploded into countless colors. The kind that Rena probably would have found absolutely beautiful. The kind she would have thought would punctuate her confession perfectly.

If only she could bring herself to look. But she couldn’t.

She’d known there were going to be fireworks. She just didn’t think they’d be so close by. So  _ loud _ .

Her hands were squeezed tightly over her ears. She could feel her body start to tremble more and more, her heart beating faster and faster. She didn’t normally get caught off guard this bad. It was usually manageable. She’d  _ thought _ she’d improved enough. Her therapist had certainly thought so.

She was doing her best to keep her breathing steady, at the very least, keeping herself from hyperventilating.  _ In… out. In… out. _

She flinched as she felt something soft yet startlingly cold make contact with her hands. A moment later, though, she realised Momo had taken off the headphones that had been hanging around her neck the entire night. Her hands loosened, and Momo gently pushed them aside, placing the headphones on her head instead.

A moment later, music began to play. She recognised the song. It was a lighthearted tune from one of the few musicals they’d watched together a while back. A song she’d immediately fallen in love with and had downloaded shortly after.

It completely drowned out the sound of the fireworks. Even though the adrenaline hadn’t left her body entirely, the relief she felt in that moment was incredible. And, more than that, she felt a kind of warmth spread through her chest. That Momo had remembered. That she’d known how to help immediately without even needing to ask her. She  _ must _ have panicked, if the wide-eyed stare she was giving her was anything to go by, but, despite that, she’d reacted almost instantly.

Without thinking, Rena opened her arms, wordlessly asking for a hug. Momo didn’t hesitate. She rarely did. And, with her arms around her, feeling the warmth of her body, bit by bit, Rena began to calm down.

Even once she’d regained her composure, though, she took her time before she finally let go.

* * *

Momo had walked her home. Truth be told, she didn’t feel like meeting up with everyone else again after that. More than anything, she just wanted to curl up under her blanket with something sweet and watch videos until she felt like she could fall asleep. She was still kind of lightheaded, her makeup was ruined, and her feet were aching enough that she’d probably find some blisters once she took her sandals off…  _ yikes. _

But she didn’t feel too bad. Or, at least, she wasn’t as upset as she thought she would be. Probably thanks to Momo. Even though she’d made sure to thank her, she couldn’t help but question if that had been enough. And now… standing in front of the apartment complex, they were about to part ways.

She did feel a tiny bit of regret, persistently tugging at her heart. She’d never gotten to finish. And Momo hadn’t asked. With good reason – she must not have thought it would be appropriate to bring up again. She would’ve done the same in her shoes.

Still… she found herself wishing she could go back in time. Just to tweak things a little, only a little… only enough to let her get the words out. Had Momo even understood what she’d meant to say back then? She had no idea by this point.

“So…” Momo broke the short-lived silence that had settled over them, “this is it, I guess.”

“Yep.”

“I hope you had fun, at least. Aside from the…” she made a vague gesture, “yeah.”

A soft smile made its way onto Rena’s face.

“Yeah… I did. Thank you again for what you did back there.”

“Haha… don’t sweat it. I’m glad I could help.”

“Are you also gonna go back home now?”

“Probably… I don’t wanna stay up too late.”

Of course she’d say that. Rena giggled.

“Well… I’ll see you at school tomorrow.”

“Yeah…”

Momo seemed to hesitate, but only for a moment. She lifted one of her hands for a wave.

“Night, Rena-chan.”

Rena swallowed the disappointment she’d been feeling.

“Night.”

She reached for her keys in her purse as Momo began to walk off.

It couldn’t be helped, she told herself. And moping about it wasn’t going to change anything. She could always just try again. She could even ask for a little assistance next time from the others to make sure they wouldn’t end up unintentionally sabotaging her plans. That would be nice. Heck, maybe she could even plan out an entire event, like for-

“Rena-chan…!”

Having been in the middle of entering the code into the keypad, she froze for a moment. Turning her head around, she could see that Momo had sprinted back, having stopped just a few meters away. Had she forgotten something? Rena instinctively searched herself, though she was fairly certain she hadn’t taken anything of hers.

Momo bit her lip.

“About what you’d said earlier… right before the fireworks show. I, uhm…”

She averted her gaze.

“If you want to, uhm… b-be my girlfriend, that’s cool with me. I mean- I also wanna, so… yeah, you probably know what I mean-”

“Yes!”

Momo looked back up at her, and Rena genuinely thought she was about to faint for a moment. Despite that, she held on.

“Yes,” she repeated herself, a tad louder this time. “I’d love to be your girlfriend.”

Momo broke into a wide, dorky grin, awkwardly fiddling with her hair.

“O-oh, I see. Cool! I mean- Yeah. Uhm…”

“Talk to you later…?”

“Yeah. I’ll, uh… I’ll be going for real now.”

“Okay.”

“Yeah, so… bye.”

“Bye.”

Rena didn’t enter until Momo had gone out of sight. Once inside, she took the elevator. She stepped out at her floor. Keys still in hand, she fumbled for them for only a moment before she unlocked the door. She stepped inside, closing the door behind her.

She immediately crouched down, back against the door, covering her face with her hands.

She’d said it…! She’d really said it! After all that worrying and stressing, she’d really said it! She could barely believe it… She felt so light and giddy, so full of energy, like she could’ve run to school and back on her own two feet. Part of her was kind of tempted to turn back and run after Momo, even. Though she probably would have been a bother. She knew she was probably going to bed soon.

She reached for her phone. Oh, she couldn’t wait to brag to Tooru about this.

* * *

**renatan** Today at 11:10 PM   
ur still awake :00

**tamatama (wife)** Today at 11:10 PM   
Dlskdls

**tamatama (wife)** Today at 11:10 PM   
Hi!! i couldnt sleep lol

**renatan** Today at 11:10 PM   
ehehehe

**renatan** Today at 11:10 PM   
busy thinking about me huh

**tamatama (wife)** Today at 11:10 PM   
Actually

**tamatama (wife)** Today at 11:10 PM   
Kinda??

**renatan** Today at 11:10 PM   
omg

**renatan** Today at 11:10 PM   
>v< waaahh

**renatan** Today at 11:11 PM   
can i just say

**renatan** Today at 11:11 PM   
i cannot BELIEVE how long it took for u to get the hint

**tamatama (wife)** Today at 11:11 PM   
Omg i was trying my best ok

**renatan** Today at 11:11 PM   
WEVE GONE ON SEVERAL DATES

**tamatama (wife)** Today at 11:11 PM   
I THOUGHT THOSE WERE FRIENDLY DATES……...

**renatan** Today at 11:11 PM   
WHAT

**renatan** Today at 11:11 PM   
oh my GOD

**tamatama (wife)** Today at 11:11 PM   
LISTEN

**renatan** Today at 11:12 PM   
UR SO UNBELIEVABLE

**tamatama (wife)** Today at 11:12 PM   
In a good way i hope????

**renatan** Today at 11:12 PM   
>;0

**renatan** Today at 11:12 PM   
mebbe a little

**tamatama (wife)** Today at 11:12 PM   
:D

**tamatama (wife)** Today at 11:12 PM   
I should sleep soon

**renatan** Today at 11:12 PM   
no u shouldnt u should stay here with me

**tamatama (wife)** Today at 11:13 PM   
Nooo i have practice

**renatan** Today at 11:13 PM   
nyoooo

**renatan** Today at 11:13 PM   
not anymore

**renatan** Today at 11:13 PM   
i have vored the gym

**tamatama (wife)** Today at 11:13 PM   
:0

**tamatama (wife)** Today at 11:13 PM   
:<

**renatan** Today at 11:13 PM   
>:Dc

**tamatama (wife)** Today at 11:13 PM   
Haha dont you also have class tomorrow

**renatan** Today at 11:14 PM   
its ok i stay up a lot

**tamatama (wife)** Today at 11:14 PM   
You should try sleeping earlier!! its fun

**tamatama (wife)** Today at 11:14 PM   
You could join me for my morning jogs :> w nao-chan

**renatan** Today at 11:14 PM   
weeh i dont wanna exercise

**tamatama (wife)** Today at 11:14 PM   
Hahaha

**renatan** Today at 11:14 PM   
but idm waking up early to chet

**renatan** Today at 11:14 PM   
mayb

**renatan** Today at 11:14 PM   
assuming i can actually wake up

**tamatama (wife)** Today at 11:15 PM   
Loool its ok dont push urself

**tamatama (wife)** Today at 11:15 PM   
Btw

**renatan** Today at 11:15 PM   
nyes

**tamatama (wife)** Today at 11:15 PM   
**20201016_070706.jpg**

**renatan** Today at 11:15 PM   
hehe i see cleavage

**tamatama (wife)** Today at 11:15 PM   
Gdi

**renatan** Today at 11:15 PM   
but aw omg when did u take that!! u shouldve just asked if u wanted a pic w me smhsmh

**tamatama (wife)** Today at 11:16 PM   
:,,>

**tamatama (wife)** Today at 11:16 PM   
Uri but it was more spur of the moment

**renatan** Today at 11:16 PM   
waaah well ty for sending it to me uwu

**renatan** Today at 11:16 PM   
*saves*

**tamatama (wife)** Today at 11:16 PM   
Omg lol np

**tamatama (wife)** Today at 11:16 PM   
Okay

**tamatama (wife)** Today at 11:16 PM   
Im really going to bed now

**tamatama (wife)** Today at 11:17 PM   
Goodnight!! try to sleep soon too or else

**renatan** Today at 11:17 PM   
or else what

**renatan** Today at 11:17 PM   
u have no power over me mortal

**tamatama (wife)** Today at 11:17 PM   
Or else no more movie nights

**renatan** Today at 11:17 PM   
NYO,,


	23. Zinnia

_ The curtains are drawn, shrouding the room in complete darkness were it not for the light of the monitor. Your mom always tells you off for doing that. You’ll ruin your eyes, she says. It’s not like you’re mad at her for it. But she doesn’t seem to get that this is the only way you can get properly immersed into your research. _

_ You’ve tried your hand at making games a couple times. You’re pretty good with tech, and you’ve been a fan of videogames pretty much your entire life, so you figured you might as well give it a shot. How hard could it be? As it turns out, way more difficult than you’d thought. _

_ Your first few games all turned out crap. You didn’t even upload them anywhere. People would’ve just made fun of you for it, and, to be honest, you don’t think your self-esteem is quite sturdy enough just yet to be able to bear that. Not when nobody in your family takes it seriously either. Not that they’re mean about it, but still… _

_ So you thought you’d just go back to square one for the time being. Play a bunch of games, figure out what works for them and what doesn’t. Browse a couple forums and websites. Skim a few articles here and there. _

_ You hear someone groan behind you. You almost forgot your brother is still around. _

_ “Can I turn the lights on yet?” _

_ “Give me, like, 10 more minutes. I’m almost done.” _

_ He sighs, but he doesn’t object any further. _

_ It may have been a lie to say  _ nobody _ gets how serious you are about this. If no one else, your older brother does, at least. That’s probably the only reason he’s so considerate. One day everyone else will get it too, though. You promised yourself you wouldn’t give up. _

_ “…Hey,” you hear him whisper. You roll your eyes. _

_ “Like I said-” _

_ “No, not that…” _

_ “Then what?” _

_ “You… know that super high profile college? Hope’s Peak?” _

_ “Yeah…? Who doesn’t?” _

_ “Do you think I could get in?” _

_ Your first instinct is to laugh, it sounds so ridiculous. Nobody in your family is a genius. Or, at least, you don’t think so. And only geniuses get accepted there. You don’t actually laugh, though. _

_ “Not a chance.” _

_ “Oh…” _

_ He hesitates. _

_ “I think I’m gonna apply anyway.” _

_ “Doubt they’ll accept you.” _

_ “Maybe, but it can’t hurt, right? It’s not the only one I’ll be applying to anyway.” _

_ You wonder if he’s feeling pressured because he’s the oldest. You do kind of get it. You’ve seen how hard your mom has to work to be able to feed all of you. He probably thinks if he can get in it’ll land him a job that’ll let her retire. It does sound nice. But it’s also just a dream. There’s no way something like that would ever happen. Not to ordinary people like you, at least. But you don’t tell him that. You get the feeling he knows. Besides, you’ve never been the kind of person to ridicule others for their dreams. _

* * *

“Are you sure it’s going to be okay…?”

“Mom, you don’t have to, like, hover over me like that. I know what I’m doing.”

“Well, sheesh! I’m just making sure!”

“How did you manage to do this to the door anyway…? It was, like, broken AF… I’m amazed the room didn’t flood.”

“Oh, it did. Fumi mopped it all up, though.”

“You made Fumi mop up here on, like, his first day back? That’s kinda mean.”

“I’ll have you know he offered!”

“You should’ve just made Naoto do it.”

“He’s busy studying for entrance exams.”

“For January…?”

“It’s never too early to start, young lady. Just because you never had to doesn’t mean your brothers shouldn’t.”

Nao wiped some sweat off her forehead as she emerged from the washing machine. When her mom had called her up in a panic, admittedly, she’d been expecting a lot worse. The entire place in shambles, maybe. She’d ditched her afternoon classes to take the train, thankful that they didn’t live too far from the school. She should’ve known.

Not that this was anything new. She supposed it was better than trying to instruct her mom or one of her brothers through video chat anyway, considering how much longer that would have taken.

Her mom was looking back and forth between her and the machine.

“Did you fix it?”

“Yeah, probs. You might wanna, like, test it once, but it should be fine.”

Her mom didn’t even question it.

“Oh, thank god… I was worried we’d have to throw it out.”

“I totally wouldn’t have minded buying you another one, though.”

“Absolutely not! Waste of money.”

Nao giggled at her mom’s outburst. Even though she’d been retired for a couple years now, she was still just as headstrong as before. If anything, even moreso, now that she had more energy for it. She couldn’t count the amount of times she’d been told off for all the anime merch she’d bought with her own money.

She could never bring herself to be mad at her mom for it. Honestly, she found it more amusing than anything.

“Need any help with lunch?”

“Not right now,” her mom pinched one of her cheeks softly. “It’s almost done. But I’d appreciate it if you could set the table in the meantime.”

Now that she’d gone off to college, it was even more rare that their entire family got to eat together. Her older brother, Naofumi – or Fumi, as they all called him –, had moved out a couple years ago. He’d met a guy through his job that he’d fallen for, apparently, and they were renting a place together now. She could still remember how intensely her mom would bug her about finding a romantic partner for the next couple months right after it had happened.

Entering the kitchen, she waved at Naoto and Naoya. This year would be their last in high school. Despite that, she still couldn’t help but think of them both as little twerps. They used to playfight all the time back when she still lived at home. Their mom would scold them each time they were caught and gave them extra chores as punishment even though they’d insist it wasn’t serious. Naoya got off scot-free occasionally by bursting into tears.

She ruffled both of their hair as she walked past them, receiving indignant shrieks in response.

The youngest, Naoki, was currently standing on his tiptoes, seemingly doing his best to reach the cupboard to get the dishes out. He grumbled as Nao effortlessly reached over and took them all out in his place. He didn’t refuse. He merely stuck his tongue out and called her a show-off. She could only laugh.

Lunch was delicious. Her mom’s cooking was always a delight. Naoto was told off for shovelling it down way too fast. Fumi was teased about his partner until his entire face had turned red, their mom unrelenting in asking him when he’d be willing to bring him over. Even as he looked over to Nao for help, she only smiled back.

She’d missed this. She was still having lots of fun at college, and her friends were still super cool to hang out with. But she’d still missed getting to spend time like this with her family. She supposed she could visit back more frequently over summer break.

“Have you found yourself a girl yet, Nao?”

_ There she goes again. _ Nao shrugged.

“You’re such a pretty girl, you know! I have no idea how you haven’t found someone already…”

“I’m, like, kinda busy right now. I haven’t really been thinking about dating and stuff.”

“Didn’t you drop out of that competition? You should have plenty of time.”

“Mom, don’t start with that again-”

Her mom shook her head in disapproval.

It wasn’t that she wasn’t interested in dating at all. But she was still young, she still had plenty of time. She was way more interested in experimenting with her career right now anyway. She was already spending enough time hanging out with her friends, she couldn’t squeeze a romantic partner into that without sacrificing time for work.

“Mom, come on, leave her be,” Fumi thankfully cut in. “She knows what she’s doing.”

“I know, I know… Can’t a mother worry about her own children?”

“She’s an adult, you know.”

“Shush, now. Under this roof, you are all still babies.”

Fumi made a surprised noise as his cheek was pinched. Even after so much time, after they’d all changed so much, he was still the same deep down. Sincere and compassionate. He was probably the main reason why she’d been able to become so receptive of others’ feelings.

She snickered when he took off his fogged up glasses to wipe them clean.

* * *

**tutturu** Today at 3:27 PM   
im glad ur doing better now (´• ω •`)

**tutturu** Today at 3:27 PM   
have u changed ur mind about dropping out

**tutturu** Today at 3:27 PM   
not bc i wanna bulli u im just curious

**taka b miya** Today at 3:27 PM   
man

**taka b miya** Today at 3:27 PM   
idk tbh im just vibing until exams

**taka b miya** Today at 3:28 PM   
then well see

**tutturu** Today at 3:28 PM   
thats fair

**taka b miya** Today at 3:28 PM   
its only been a week u think im capable of thinking things through in that time?? with my one brain cell???? fool

**tutturu** Today at 3:28 PM   
(* ^ ω ^)

**tutturu** Today at 3:28 PM   
im glad u came to the festival w everyone btw

**tutturu** Today at 3:28 PM   
i hope u had fun

**taka b miya** Today at 3:29 PM   
i almost fainted like 4 separate times tbh

**taka b miya** Today at 3:29 PM   
ngl i was dead tired by the end

**taka b miya** Today at 3:29 PM   
but

**taka b miya** Today at 3:29 PM   
ig it was decent

**tutturu** Today at 3:29 PM   
tsundere

**taka b miya** Today at 3:29 PM   
ur right but u didnt have to say it so loud

**tutturu** Today at 3:29 PM   
(￣ω￣)

**taka b miya** Today at 3:33 PM   
i will admit

**taka b miya** Today at 3:33 PM   
i think i was being p stupid about like

**taka b miya** Today at 3:33 PM   
a lot of stuff

**taka b miya** Today at 3:34 PM   
rn tho

**taka b miya** Today at 3:34 PM   
idk if its bc im sleeping better or if god himself has decided to bless me with a gigabrain out of nowhere or some shit but

**taka b miya** Today at 3:34 PM   
i am like

**taka b miya** Today at 3:34 PM   
feeling less garbage abt everything

**taka b miya** Today at 3:34 PM   
which is quite nice

**tutturu** Today at 3:35 PM   
im glad!!

**tutturu** Today at 3:35 PM   
dude ngl it was rlly sad seeing u in absolute shambles

**taka b miya** Today at 3:35 PM   
implying thats not my default state

**tutturu** Today at 3:35 PM   
ur default state is being squishy

**taka b miya** Today at 3:35 PM   
damn

**taka b miya** Today at 3:35 PM   
the furry of the neighbourhood coming at me with straight facts

**tutturu** Today at 3:35 PM   
(`ー´)

**taka b miya** Today at 3:36 PM   
im jk u know i love u even if u draw animal crossing porn

**tutturu** Today at 3:36 PM   
i do not

**tutturu** Today at 3:36 PM   
yet

**taka b miya** Today at 3:36 PM   
oh no what have i done

* * *

Truth be told, she wasn’t sure if Minamoto would come in the end. Even though she’d been the one who’d asked Nao to hang out in the first place, she couldn’t help but wonder if she’d have the courage to come. A maid café didn’t exactly seem like something within her comfort zone, after all…

She wouldn’t have been mad at her for cancelling. She would’ve understood. It wasn’t like she had any other plans after this anyway, and she’d brought her laptop along to get some work done if Minamoto didn’t end up showing.

She did, though, in the end. Nao ended up noticing her as she looked up from her screen. She seemed to be stuck a couple feet away from the entrance, trying to peek inside without arousing suspicion, looking very much like a timid little mouse.  _ Poor girl. _ Nao got up and greeted her with a cheerful wave, striding right over and gesturing for her to come inside.

“Minamotocchi, you made it!”

“Hi,” she squeaked out, face bright red. She was gripping her bag so tightly, her fingers were starting to turn white.

As a maid approached them, Nao took it upon herself to let her know Minamoto would be sitting with her. One entrance fee later, and she was dragging her back to her seat.

“Chillax, this place is totes laidback and stuff. As long as you don’t, like, cause a scene or something, you’ll be just fine.”

Minamoto gave the tiniest nod. She sat down, looking about as relaxed as though she was about to be strangled. Maybe that really was how she felt about this deep down.

Nao crossed her legs, leaning back in her seat.

“By the way, I’ve been kinda sorta wondering…”

“Y-yes!?”

“Not that I mind hanging out or anything, but, like, why’d you pick this place?”

Minamoto’s eyes widened.

“You… don’t like maid cafés?”

“Not what I said. Like, at all.”

“W-well, uhm…!”

Why was she so nervous today…? Nao would’ve thought she’d be able to let her guard down around her more by now. It wasn’t just the place, was it? Or maybe she had something else on her mind.

From the corner of her eye, she could see another maid approaching. As expected, Minamoto immediately froze up when it was time to order. She hadn’t even checked the menu yet. When Nao subtly pointed it out to her, she shook her head so rapidly her glasses almost flew off her face. Perhaps she felt bad for feeling like she was inconveniencing the staff.

_ Ah well. _ Nao didn’t mind covering for her. Just as she opened her mouth, though, Minamoto managed to find her voice. Tripping over her words, sounding as awkward as ever, she quietly inquired for the maid’s recommendation. The maid barely even got the words out before Minamoto was already agreeing to it.

Nao held down a giggle. She supposed she shouldn’t have been so worried. Scary as this whole experience must have been for her, Minamoto was visibly trying; it wouldn’t have been right to baby her about it.

Once the maid was gone, Minamoto cleared her throat. Her face was still fairly flushed, but she also seemed to have received a small burst of courage after her successful interaction just now. She lowered her head, sounding rather embarrassed and apologetic.

“I’m sorry… Actually, I asked around ahead of time to figure out where I should invite you. I’m… not good at these sort of things, and I was just really worried that you’d end up not having fun and… uhm… not l-liking me…”

She reminded her of Rena in her first year so much. So skittish, so afraid of rejection, so paranoid around people… Rena had grown so much since then, surely Minamoto would be able to pull through as well.

Nao gave her cheek a soft poke, receiving a strange, strangled noise in return as Minamoto buried her face in her scarf.

“What’re you apologising for?”

“I don’t know…” came the muffled reply. “I just thought it would be appropriate.”

“Well, it totally wasn’t! I, like, have no idea what you’re tearing yourself up over so much here.”

“Wahh…”

“FYI, though, I’m, like, really not that picky. You could’ve invited me anywhere. We could’ve even just, like, gone on a walk somewhere and just chilled and chatted and stuff.”

“Wouldn’t you have gotten bored, though…?”

“Nope! Momocchi and I hang out like that all the time.”

“I… I see.”

She seemed to find that encouraging. She was now peeking over the fabric, her glasses ever so slightly crooked.

Minamoto’s order arrived pretty soon. Her face lit up like that of a small child at the sight of it. So she was a sweet tooth, Nao silently noted. It definitely suited her. Despite that, she seemed to be taking the tiniest bites at a time. Nao didn’t remark on that either. She probably just didn’t feel all that comfortable eating in front of other people. Once again, just like Rena in the past.

“Actually… I did have another reason for inviting you. Oh, uhm, not to say that just hanging out wouldn’t be enough, but-”

“Yeah? Shoot me,” Nao gave her a thumbs up before she could devolve into more frantic rambling. Minamoto seemed to appreciate it. Her hands dropped back down into her lap.

“Uhm, so… You’re pretty close friends with Tsutsui-san, right?”

“Yep yep. What about it?”

Minamoto’s face was turning red again.

“I’d like to get her a small gift of some kind… I just can’t think of anything to get her. So… I thought asking her friends might be a good idea.”

“Oho? Got a crush?”

“N-no, it’s nothing like that!” Minamoto vehemently shook her head, doing her best to compose herself afterwards. She adjusted her glasses with unsteady hands. “It’s just that she’s been helping me out a lot, so I thought I could do something for her in return. She’s not the only one I have in mind, by the way,” she shot Nao a bashful, yet somehow smug look, “but the others I already have a couple ideas for.”

Nao couldn’t stop grinning.

“Aw, how sweet… I’m sure Renacchi would be totes over the moon no matter what you gave her, honestly.”

“W-well, maybe, but-”

“Buuuut if you, like, want my input that bad, I defo don’t mind helping you brainstorm a bit. Sound good?”

Minamoto broke into a dorky smile.

“Please do.”

* * *

**renatan** Today at 7:47 PM   
hoi

**renatan** Today at 7:47 PM   
do u have a moment

**tutturu** Today at 7:48 PM   
loool im out rn (* ^ ω ^) if its just a question tho

**renatan** Today at 7:48 PM   
gdi

**renatan** Today at 7:48 PM   
i was gonna ask if u could help me study :( everyone else is busy and its hard to focus on my own

**tutturu** Today at 7:48 PM   
thats more than a moment

**renatan** Today at 7:48 PM   
wisten

**tutturu** Today at 7:48 PM   
but idm sometime next week (*・ω・) ill be p free

**renatan** Today at 7:48 PM   
ty!!

**renatan** Today at 7:49 PM   
weh i hate exams

**renatan** Today at 7:49 PM   
lend me ur brain cell pls

**tutturu** Today at 7:49 PM   
nyo

**renatan** Today at 7:49 PM   
>:0

**tutturu** Today at 7:49 PM   
i need it

**renatan** Today at 7:49 PM   
im gonna die im too dumb for this

**tutturu** Today at 7:49 PM   
what course

**renatan** Today at 7:49 PM   
history of theater

**tutturu** Today at 7:50 PM   
why dont u ask momocchi?? shes pretty smart with that stuff (´• ω •`)

**renatan** Today at 7:50 PM   
MMM

**renatan** Today at 7:50 PM   
mebbe

**renatan** Today at 7:50 PM   
she said she was gonna be p busy for a while i didnt wanna be a bother

**tutturu** Today at 7:50 PM   
ah well

**tutturu** Today at 7:50 PM   
theres always next semester if u fail

**renatan** Today at 7:50 PM   
NYO

**renatan** Today at 7:50 PM   
weeehh meanie

**tutturu** Today at 7:50 PM   
hehe

* * *

She’d ended up spending more time with Minamoto than she would’ve thought. She’d even jokingly asked her a couple times if it was really fine for her to be goofing around right before exams like this. Minamoto had proudly stuck her chest out, stating she was going to ace them anyway. That was the exact kind of positive energy Nao was looking for; she gave her a couple pats on the back and a wink, wishing her good luck.

On the way home, her phone rang. Momo was asking her if she had some time for last minute revisions. Math was always something she’d struggled with but Nao herself excelled at, so Nao had gotten used to her ringing her up around this time of year. This was one of the few things she felt too bad to tease her about, so she agreed to it without any funny remarks, the relief apparent in Momo’s voice after. Hopefully she’d be able to handle things. Nao knew how difficult and stressful exam season could be for her. She supposed she could always phone up Aragaki to check.

Her phone was buzzing again.  _ Huh. _

**renatan** Today at 9:13 PM   
hoi

**renatan** Today at 9:13 PM   
2.0

**tutturu** Today at 9:13 PM   
looool whats up (´• ω •`)

**renatan** Today at 9:13 PM   
how would u feel

**renatan** Today at 9:13 PM   
about a beach trip

**renatan** Today at 9:14 PM   
after exams obvs

**tutturu** Today at 9:14 PM   
oooo

**renatan** Today at 9:14 PM   
natsurin-chans suggestion

**tutturu** Today at 9:14 PM   
that sounds fun

**tutturu** Today at 9:14 PM   
i havent been to the beach in a while

**renatan** Today at 9:14 PM   
nyehehe

**renatan** Today at 9:14 PM   
imma ask around some more and see who else is interested

**tutturu** Today at 9:14 PM   
lmao good luck


	24. Magnolia

_ You await the man’s arrival anxiously. You’ve been so nervous about it, you haven’t gotten a wink of sleep last night. You merely lay on your mattress the entire time, unmoving, staring at the ceiling, listening to the sound of crickets and cicadas through the cracks in the walls. _

_ You’ve been told he would be looking to adopt one of you. You’re not sure if you want it to be you. You don’t think it will be – you’re dense and slow and clumsy, and… most importantly, a burden. You can hardly see. And you still can’t write with your right hand. Your left shoulder throbs every night, but you’re too scared to ask for painkillers by this point. You feel bad. _

_ You can’t even apologise half the time. Your voice dies in your throat, and you freeze up, like a deer in headlights. You hate it. You hate the body you’ve gotten stuck with. _

_ Nobody would want to have to take care of you. That’s what the adults always say. And you don’t want to stay here, but the idea of going with a stranger scares you just as much. You want to keep your hopes low, but you’re not even sure what you should be hoping for. _

_ You flinch at the sound of the doorbell. You stay put, though. You let the adults open the door. You’re too afraid. You can’t help but picture a tall, intimidating man with broad shoulders and a stern look. The same figure you see in all your nightmares when you dream of someone taking you away. Sometimes the figure has tattoos. The adults always tell you tattoos are bad. So anyone that has them must be bad. Maybe this man will too. If he does, who knows what he’ll do to you. He might take you home so he can feed you to his dogs. Line up your bones and display your skeleton. _

_ Maybe not that last part. Nobody would want a skeleton with a missing arm. _

_ The door is open. You hear footsteps. Your heart is pounding. _

_ The man is startlingly short. He has long hair; that’s another bad sign, you recall. It’s slicked back, with a brightly colored hat on top. His walking stick knocks on the wooden floor rhythmically. His clothes are all so frilly… He must be royalty. But that’s not right. The adults told you he would be a merchant. _

_ He looks just like he stepped out of a page of one of your novels, though. The adults must be wrong. _

_ Your throat dries up instantly when he looks at you. For a brief moment, you become sure his eyes will turn you into stone. Or incinerate you, perhaps, leaving behind nothing but a pile of ash. _

_ Instead, he smiles. _

_ “Hello there, little one. What’s your name?” _

_ You struggle to summon up your voice. You can feel the other adults staring at you intently. Your clothes are drenched in cold sweat. _

_ The man waits patiently. His smile doesn’t fade. After a minute or so of trying, you manage to stammer out a reply. _

_ “It’s… I-it’s Rin.” _

_ He gives you a pat on the head. It’s far gentler than any you’ve ever received. _

* * *

As always, Natsume Rintarou was the first one to be awake in the dorm, albeit completely unintended. He’d never been one for setting alarms. He merely followed his circadian rhythm, and it just so happened to line up with the schedule he was expected to uphold during the day. In that aspect, he considered himself quite lucky. He always felt a little bad for Nakajima when he’d find him passed out in the common room, only to have to wake up just a few hours later for class.

Getting out of bed, Rintarou was pleased to see the sun had just started to rise. Sunrises were not only breathtakingly beautiful, they also let him know he was allowed to take his time getting ready. Few things were more relaxing than lounging around in the morning with a nice cup of tea, making some progress in whatever book he currently happened to be reading.

Going through his morning routine, he left his dearest Elizabeth be for the time being. She rarely appreciated being disturbed so early, and, as much as she seemed to enjoy cuddles, he knew what lines not to cross. He did, however, stop to observe her briefly, like a parent making sure their child was still safe. She was probably still asleep. How cute.

Breakfast wasn’t anything extraordinary. Despite all his efforts, he was still more of a liability in the kitchen than anything. Thus, he’d normally settle for eating out, or picking up convenience store lunch boxes, apart from the occasional days when Fujinomiya or Nakajima felt like cooking and would save him a portion. He sure missed when Yuki would cook for all of them.

Speaking of Yuki, he wondered how he was doing. He hadn’t heard of him for a while now. Minamoto had told him they were still exchanging texts, apparently. When she’d asked Rintarou why he wasn’t doing the same, he’d thought for a moment before he admitted he wasn’t the most comfortable with keyboards. She’d asked if he’d come here from the Victorian era, which he still didn’t understand even after she’d clarified she’d only been joking. Though he did suppose it wasn’t uncommon for her to be cryptic like that.

Before getting dressed, he reached for his prosthetic. He could get around just fine without it – now, if it had been one of his  _ legs _ , perhaps that would have come with more trouble –; his father had even inquired why he insisted on wearing it even at home. Out of curiosity. And… truth be told, he wasn’t quite sure of the answer of himself. Though he’d originally been left-handed, he’d learned to use his right hand practically just as well over time. So it wasn’t really out of practicality.

There was just an odd sense of comfort it gave him. Perhaps because it had come from his father. Or perhaps because it allowed him to put certain unpleasant memories out of his mind. When fully dressed, pulling a glove over it, it was almost as though he’d never lost his arm in the first place. Occasionally, when tired enough, he’d manage to forget completely.

He couldn’t say he was in a rush to figure it out. Emotions had always puzzled him somewhat, be it his own or others’, and he was aware he could be frustratingly dense sometimes in similar matters. So the confusion wasn’t anything new.

He wondered if he could ask Minamoto. She was one of the few people here who actually seemed to take pleasure in having these kinds of conversations with him. And despite what she often claimed, she did provide useful insight into certain subject matters.

Then again, exams would be starting tomorrow. She was more than likely busy studying.

He tiptoed across the room, not wanting to wake the others. Even back in the common room, then out in the hallway, his steps remained quiet. It was only in the main building that he felt appropriate to loosen up just a tad. His classes wouldn’t start until a couple hours later, so he figured he’d take a short stroll first then kill some time by reading.

He wasn’t expecting to bump into Minamoto so early. Quite literally, at that: she crashed into him rather violently, having more than likely been sprinting through the hall beforehand. Unfortunately for both of them, due to their sheer difference in size Rintarou was knocked over as easily as a bowling pin, Minamoto landing right on top.  _ Fortunately _ she was also surprisingly light, leaving him relatively unscathed. The air must have been knocked out of her lungs, though, because for the first few seconds all she did was wheeze.

Once she finally clambered off him, she got onto her kne es, bowing her head deeply enough to touch the floor. Her glasses slipped off her face in the process.

“I- I’m so sorry…! I wasn’t watching where I was going and then all of a sudden you appeared and- and…!”

Her voice immediately turned into a garbled mess as he reached out to gently tap her on the shoulder. As she lifted her head to peek up at him, he did his best to look reassuring with a reserved smile.

“It’s alright, Minamoto-san, these things happen to the best of us. I do hope you’re uninjured.”

He picked up her glasses, handing them back to her. She mumbled a quiet thank you as she slipped them back on.

“Y-yeah, I think so. You, uh… cushioned my fall pretty good. I mean, pretty well. Oh, uhm, sorry if that’s rude-”

“Excellent! I’m happy to have been of use.”

“Wah…”

“By the way,” his eyes gleamed; now that he’d run into someone else who was awake, might as well take advantage of it, “would you like to spend some time together, since we’d met so fatefully on this fine morning? Assuming you have no other obligations for the time being.”

He wasn’t sure if she would agree or not; Minamoto could be very hit or miss with these things. Or he hadn’t managed to find a pattern to her answers yet, at least. Today, though, she seemed to be feeling up to it, judging by the way her lips twitched into a shaky smile.

“Oh, sure! I don’t really have anything else to do right now, no. Plus I was also hoping to find you sometime today, so…”

“Wonderful! I was right to call our meeting fateful, I see,” he nodded to himself.

He got to his feet, helping Minamoto to hers alongside him. The common room would be off-limits for a while, he supposed, unless he felt like rousing his roommates from sleep – which he did not. The library was pleasant, but conversation would not be ideal. With that in mind…

“Let us have some tea in the cafeteria. It should not be so crowded for now, I hope.”

* * *

By no means was Natsume Rintarou good at briefly summarizing things, especially when the matter in question was close to his heart in some way for better or for worse. Putting his passion for expressing himself with flowerful language aside, and the love he had for his own voice, he was not the kind of person that could bear misunderstandings. He was not somebody that enjoyed playing mind games, that couldn’t appreciate the beauty of opening one’s heart to another through communication alone.

And so, he tended to ramble for ages. To overclarify each of his points, to reiterate everything a thousand different ways until he could be absolutely sure they’d been properly understood. Sometimes that involved talking in circles. He’d never been able to bring himself to regret any of it, though, no matter how much people tended to tease him over it. He’d always thought it was a much better position to be in than the awkward and oftentimes painful situations the others would get themselves into solely because they couldn’t or wouldn’t make themselves be understood.

That said, he also wasn’t one for needlessly drawing things out for the sake of sounding more thoughtful and intelligent than one really was. If he had a simple point to make that he thought he could explain briefly, he would try his best to do so. What good was communication if he couldn’t make the other person listen, after all? If they got bored, if they lost interest before he was finished? It would be a failure on his part for not putting their feelings into consideration ahead of time.

Not unless he was trying to court someone, of course. In that case, perhaps a bit of mischief would be acceptable. But that wasn’t an issue this time around.

Minamoto seemed to be carrying a shopping bag with her with quite a few things inside of it by the sound of it. Rintarou had offered to walk her to her room so she could drop it off, but she’d shaken her head fairly vehemently. Even now, in the midst of their chitchat, she was keeping it in her lap, loosely hugging it with an arm as she gestured with the other.

He wondered for a while if it would be impolite to ask about it. In the end, though, it didn’t seem like he needed to. After the conversation came to a fairly natural halt, Minamoto glanced down at the bag a couple times, then cleared her throat.

“Sooo…”

“So?”

“So…! I actually… Well, I happen to have a gift for you. Which is why I was sort of looking for you- or hoping to see you- or, uh… Eh, you get me…!” she shook her head again, letting the thought finish itself. He did indeed ‘get her’. He tended to more often lately. “It’s nothing huge, but… In any case, I hope you’ll at least like it.”

Oh? Not many people tended to give him gifts, apart from his father. Not that he minded at all, of course; the occasion being so rare only made his heart flutter more the few times it did occur.

He didn’t ask if it was for a special occasion of some kind. He himself was the kind to hand out these sorts of things based on his own feelings, so he was sure it must have been a similar case for Minamoto. If she thought it was fitting, it truly must have been so. So he clasped his hands together with glee, tilting his head to the side.

“A gift, you say? How kind of you! I am already moved at the mere thought of-”

Minamoto practically shoving a small, wrapped box in his face was enough to cut him off. She was looking off to the side, cheeks tinged with the faintest shade of pink, her lips pressed together into a thin line. He took the box from her gingerly. The wrapping was a little clumsy; he could see parts where the packaging had started to rip, or where the tape hadn’t been applied well enough. Despite that, he unwrapped it as carefully as he could manage, not at all bothered by how long the process was taking.

Inside, he found a novel. One he hadn’t read yet, although once he’d skimmed the back, it seemed to align just fine with his tastes. To think that Minamoto had gotten such a clear picture of the sort of things he was interested in after such a short time was not only incredible, but yet another sign that they were always meant to become friends, like he’d thought.

She seemed to be fidgeting.

“I was going to make you something, but… uhm… stuff just wasn’t really turning out right, and it was becoming a bit more stressful than I would’ve wanted it to, so… yeah. I hope you don’t mind. I still put a lot of thought into picking this out for you, so…”

Her voice trailed off, and Rintarou beamed.

“Of course I do not mind! Knowing you have put so much thought and time into a present for me is more than enough to make me happy. I am sure I’ll find this to be a lovely read.”

Oh, he was so lucky to be blessed with such wonderful friends. His father truly must not have been lying when he’d told him he’d find people who appreciated him the way he was, as long as he just had a little patience. Not that he’d ever doubted his father’s words, rationally speaking, but his heart wasn’t really in it for a long time.

Maybe it was just a question of maturity. Or of a healthy upbringing. Admittedly, the orphanage he’d grown up in was not the kind of place that would have fostered goodwill in children, and, in hindsight, he couldn’t fault any of his old siblings for everything that had gone down, not  _ really _ . Perhaps if they had met under better circumstances, they might have been able to become friends, like he’d been able to befriend everyone here.

His fingers brushed over the cover of the book. He’d never had someone he could have considered a  _ best friend _ before. His father was the person he’d felt closest to ever since he’d adopted him all those years ago, and that hadn’t changed even after so much time. Truth be told, for a long time he wasn’t even sure what a best friend was supposed to be.

Now, though, he wondered if Minamoto could become someone like that for him… Was that too presumptuous of a thought? They seemed to be on the same wavelength in so many ways, and she was so much easier to talk to than many of the others… and he was sure she would not have been offended if he’d voiced the thought.

But perhaps he was jumping the gun a tad. He was very much prone to doing that. He shooed the thoughts away for the time being, taking hold of one of Minamoto’s hands with both of his own. She still appeared to be on edge somewhat, if her restlessness was anything to go by.

“There is no need to be so tense, my dear. Shall I fetch you another cup of tea?”

“Oh, no no no, it’s alright! I, uh,” her voice cracked, “I’m… glad you like it so much…! T-this is… normal for me, it’s not like I’m  _ that _ nervous or anything, really! Promise! J-just give my brain a minute or so to stop buffering, it’ll be over before you know it!”

_ Such an amusing girl. _ He’d never met anyone quite like her before. The only question was whether or not she would take that as a compliment if he were to voice it.

* * *

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 4:02 PM   
huh

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 4:02 PM   
a package you ordered ended up in my room somehow

**minamoto** Today at 4:02 PM   
??

**minamoto** Today at 4:02 PM   
omg what

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 4:04 PM   
**20200915_212607.jpg**

**minamoto** Today at 4:04 PM   
OH

**minamoto** Today at 4:04 PM   
DSJHDS NO THATS FROM ME

**minamoto** Today at 4:04 PM   
TO U

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 4:05 PM   
oh

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 4:05 PM   
that does

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 4:05 PM   
make more sense

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 4:05 PM   
whats the occasion

**minamoto** Today at 4:05 PM   
as thanks for helping me out before

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 4:05 PM   
seems unnecessary but ok thanks

**minamoto** Today at 4:05 PM   
;w;

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 4:07 PM   
who told u

**minamoto** Today at 4:07 PM   
dshdsjk told me what

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 4:07 PM   
nvm

**minamoto** Today at 4:07 PM   
do u not like horror games

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 4:07 PM   
theyre alright

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 4:07 PM   
i guess i do like them

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 4:07 PM   
on a normal level

**minamoto** Today at 4:07 PM   
PHEW OK GOOD

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 4:08 PM   
thank u

**minamoto** Today at 4:08 PM   
npnp

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 4:08 PM   
btw stop being so weenie ur fine

**minamoto** Today at 4:08 PM   
LISTEN

**minamoto** Today at 4:08 PM   
>:,,,v im trying

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 4:08 PM   
lol

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 4:08 PM   
i didnt know u were into games

**minamoto** Today at 4:09 PM   
im p normie w them but ye i like games

**minamoto** Today at 4:09 PM   
i usually watch streams tho

**minamoto** Today at 4:09 PM   
no gaming pc or console (. . )

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 4:09 PM   
hm

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 4:13 PM   
whats ur fave horror game

**minamoto** Today at 4:13 PM   
probs little nightmares

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 4:13 PM   
good taste

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 4:13 PM   
i mean

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 4:13 PM   
hm

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 4:13 PM   
yes

**minamoto** Today at 4:13 PM   
dshkjdshjk???

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 4:14 PM   
brb for a moment

**minamoto** Today at 4:13 PM   
dskdslkd??????? ok ;w;

* * *

“Oh. My. God.”

“Eep-”

“Minamoto, are you an angel?”

“Wh-”

“Where did you even find shirts like this!? I’ve never seen them before… and I keep up with Ayano’s merch  _ really _ closely, you know!”

“Oh, uh- I actually printed them myself… Tsutsui-san let me borrow one of her machines for a bit. She did have to teach me how to use it… and she gave me a couple pointers in regards to the design as well… b-but, you know, I did put in a lot of effort!”

“Hehehe… What, are you embarrassed?”

“S-shut up! Am not!”

“Awww, it’s okay! Chiba-senpai appreciates the-  _ Ow-! _ Hey!”

“No bullying!”

“I was  _ not _ !”

“You totally were!”

“Nu uh!”

_ Slam. _

“Indoor voice, twerps! I’m trying to work here! You’ll mess up my recording!”

“Oh, shit. Sorry, Taka-”

“Bweeh! Cry harder, eboy.”

…

“You kids are getting out of hand, huh… Time to put you both up for adoption.”

* * *

By the time he’d gotten back to the common room, it was almost time to head to class. He only had a couple more minutes to spare to prepare. He’d gotten so distracted conversing with Minamoto, he’d almost forgotten to keep track of the time. He set the book she’d given him aside for the time being, intent on reading it later as soon as he’d have time to spare. He then approached the terrarium his dearest Elizabeth was still inside, lifting her out gently.

“I’m so sorry for being so late to tend to you, my darling.”

She immediately began making her way up his arm, curling around him.  _ Good. _ She wasn’t upset with him. Hopefully she’d have some patience during exam season as well. Taking her into the classroom every day would have only stressed her out, knowing her.

Speaking of which… he wondered how Izumi was doing. Would he even be able to make it tomorrow? He supposed it didn’t really matter. As long as he was adhering to the deal they had made, he was sure everything would turn out just fine.

It was a real shame that he wasn’t allowed to snoop. Then again, perhaps he could just ask Izumi straight out. Whether or not he’d provide an honest answer was another issue.


	25. Spider Lily

_ It’s a cloudy afternoon. Despite that, the streets are still crowded. You’ve been used to it for a while, but it hasn’t stopped being annoying. It takes you ages to get to the counter. Part of you wonders if you would’ve been better off queuing up earlier in the morning. Your younger sister made fun of you when she heard where you were going. ‘On a busy day like this?’ she sneered. You promptly flipped her off. It’s your freaking birthday, you’re not passing up your favourite damn ice cream shop. If that means you have to stand in line for an eternity, then so be it. _

_ As soon as you get your ice cream, you skillfully maneuver your way back out. It might be hotter outside, but there are no free seats indoors anyway, and you don’t feel like squishing yourself into one of the corners. _

_ Only two steps outside, someone immediately bumps into you. You narrowly avoid dropping the cone. Your heart almost stops. You wonder what blind idiot you’re dealing with. _

_ You have to crane your neck to be able to glare them down. _

_ “Shucks- Sorry ‘bout that. Wasn’t watchin’ where I was goin’-” _

_ She looks… familiar, somehow. She’s tan and tall, with long, silver hair, dressed in leather in the middle of August, a camera hanging from her neck. You definitely feel like you’ve met her before, but you just can’t quite put your finger on where. _

_ She blinks at you, slowly furrowing her brows. _

_ “…Izumi?” _

* * *

The clock’s ticking was so quiet, it was barely audible. And yet, in the otherwise silent room, it felt frustratingly loud.

The armchair was so soft, so cozy. With the faintest scent of lavender in the air, it would have been so easy to fall asleep like this. To doze off right where he was sitting, to allow the warmth of the room to envelop him like a comforting blanket. To forget about all his worries for an hour or two and just kick back.

Izumi Mamoru was, unfortunately, unbelievably stubborn.

Truth be told, he was still furious with Natsume for having forced him into this whole deal. The gall of that bastard… Whether he did or didn’t have anything better to do anyway didn’t matter. It was the thought of Natsume bossing him around like this that was pissing him off so much. That, and the smug asshole sitting from across him right now.

Sasaki Mitsuru was a mild, well-mannered person. When they’d first met, he’d offered a handshake that Mamoru had only scoffed at. Sasaki hadn’t even said a word about it. Arrogant jackass was probably  _ so _ proud of himself for that. He must have thought himself to be just  _ sooo _ much better, so much holier-than-thou. That must have been why he also hadn’t said anything when Mamoru had rolled his eyes when he’d asked him if he wanted tea. When he’d made him a cup anyway, only for Mamoru to have left it untouched for the entirety of the session. When he’d asked him all sorts of questions, casual and friendly in nature, only to receive snappy, sarcastic answers, if anything at all. When he’d reassured him he could take his time as much as he wanted to.

_ Self-righteous asshat. _

Even his office was irritating. It was irritatingly comfortable and welcoming. Pastel walls, cream and beige furniture, well-cushioned seats, tiny stuffed animals sitting on bookshelves…  _ Gross. _ It all looked so tryhard, it had immediately set his alarm bells off. Like it was trying to lull him into a false sense of security. As though he wasn’t here to be interrogated, to be treated like some kind of freak.

Was he even better off like this at all? He just couldn’t figure out Sasaki’s ulterior motives – or Natsume’s, for that matter. Should he really have agreed to this whole thing…? Maybe he was just getting himself into worse trouble.

He still hadn’t told his mom anything. Though, by this point, he’d already decided he wasn’t going to. If he was going to dig the hole deeper, he wasn’t going to involve her.

He clicked his tongue.

“Do I have to do this…? This is so stupid…”

“If you don’t want to, you don’t have to. Like I said, nothing here is mandatory.”

“But you told me to do it.”

“It was just a suggestion, not an order. I thought visualizing would be a good start. But I won’t actually force you to do anything.”

“Yeah, yeah…”

“What would you rather do, then, Izumi-san?”

Mamoru’s eye twitched.

He really was wasting his time here, wasn’t he? This guy was fucking with him. Definitely. There was no other explanation. Or, at least, he couldn’t think of anything. What was the point of just sitting here, doing nothing until time ran out?  _ Nothing. _ And yet, Sasaki wasn’t snapping at him for it. In fact, he didn’t even seem to be in a hurry at all. So he must have been enjoying watching him squirm, watching him trying to figure out what he was still doing here.

He pursed his lips.

“What’s wrong with you?”

“Pardon?”

That same, polite smile again. The same one Natsume always wore. The same one that got on his nerves so, _ so  _ much.

He had to resist the urge to grind his teeth.

“You keep nodding and nodding to everything I say, but you don’t actually care, do you? Admit it. This is my third time here and we’ve done fuck all. This whole thing is just stupid and pointless.”

Sasaki raised a brow.

“I thought you didn’t want to participate.”

“I don’t.”

“Why is it bothering you so much, then?”

“Because it doesn’t make sense! Don’t you have a job you should be doing?”

Sasaki leaned back in his seat, folding his hands in his lap.

“What do you think my job is supposed to be, Izumi-san?”

_ What a dumb question. _ Yeah, he was definitely messing with him. Maybe he was trying to rile him up, seeing how much of a ridiculous reaction he could get out of him. In that case, he was playing right into his hands, wasn’t he? By letting him get to him like this. Even though he was pretty sure of that, though, it was still  _ so _ damn hard to keep himself from just cussing him out. So what if he was letting him provoke him? Did that really matter by this point? He’d already given up on his pride when he’d let Natsume drag him to this place. There wasn’t much dignity he had left after that.

He scoffed.

“…Analyzing people’s brains or something then sticking some bullshit label onto them. Just so you know, I won’t be taking any shitty meds you might try to shove on me.”

“Prescribing medications isn’t something I’m authorized to do.”

“Oh…”

Sasaki reached for his own cup of tea. He took a long, thoughtful sip. Mamoru was kind of tempted to grab it out of his hands and pour it over his head in an attempt to make him finally break out of this stupid façade. Assault charges were not on the list of things he wanted to deal with right now, though.

Fantasizing about it was still pretty satisfying.

The cup was placed back on the coffee table with a small  _ clank _ .

“I’m here to help you, Izumi-san,” Sasaki said, tilting his head ever so slightly. “My job isn’t to bully you or to force you into things you don’t feel ready for. Nor is it to pry into aspects of your life you don’t want to share with me. This sort of thing has to be a group effort between us.”

“I hate group projects.”

Sasaki laughed.

“Most people do, I think.”

Mamoru huffed.

“Don’t make it sound like I need help either.”

“Don’t you?”

“…No. I don’t.”

Sasaki shrugged, seemingly unperturbed.

“Well, that’s okay too. If that’s how you really feel.”

_ Asshole. _

“We can just talk normally, if you’d prefer that.”

“I’m not about to spill my life story like that, thanks.”

“We don’t have to talk about your ‘life story’, as you put it, if you don’t want to,” Sasaki chuckled. “It can just be a regular conversation. Unless you’d rather sit in silence.”

_ Yeah, right.  _ What would the point of that even be?

“…Like what?”

“Like, for example… What kind of things do you normally like to do in your free time?”

_ What a dumb, basic question. _ The kind of thing an amateur interviewer or an annoying fan would ask… His mind immediately went to the stock answers he’d normally provide – that he was usually busy enough with shoots and media appearances, that he liked to spend time with his friends and family, watch whatever drama was getting popular lately, go on walks in nature, all that generic crap…

But then the thought occurred to him: this wasn’t an interview. There was no reason that he’d have to watch any of his answers. He didn’t have to make himself look good or likeable. He could say whatever he wanted, and there would be no repercussions for it.

He felt a kind of childish excitement bubble up inside of him. Part of him immediately wanted to respond with something outrageous and obviously false – that he liked to collect dead bodies or steal his neighbour’s pets or something. But he didn’t.

Crossing his arms, looking anywhere but at Sasaki, he reluctantly spoke up.

“I like musical theater, I guess…”

“Oh, is that so? One of my friends is really into them as well. I’m not all that familiar with them personally, though.”

_ Yeah, of course not. Peasant. _

It was rare for him to run into someone that enjoyed musicals as much as he did. Tons of people hadn’t even heard of some of the most popular ones. The only person he’d been able to talk about them with had been…

Well, that didn’t matter anymore. She wouldn’t give him the time of day again. Why on earth he was still getting so hung up on her, he had no idea.

“Do you just like watching the performances, or would you also be interested in participating?”

Mamoru narrowed his eyes.

“Is that a question for me, or a question for  _ Izumin _ ?”

God, even saying it felt gross.

“A question for you, Izumi-san,” Sasaki laughed lightly. “I don’t really watch TV. I don’t really know much about pop culture either.”

_ Yeah, right. _

The thought did comfort him a little, though.

“…It’s whatever. I’m pretty sure that ship has sailed. I pissed off my manager pretty bad.”

Unless Natsume followed through with his word, he supposed. The fact that his manager had stopped contacting him shortly after their talk didn’t necessarily mean that it had been Natsume’s doing. There was pretty much no way he could check…

Not that he cared to. He had serious doubts that Natsume would have been willing – let alone capable – to go through all that work. For  _ him _ , no less. It must have been an empty promise, and it was best for him to give up on it.

He supposed he could always find a more low-end company that couldn’t afford to pick or choose quite as carefully. Even if he’d have to start from the ground up again, he wasn’t going to just give up like that. Otherwise… it would’ve meant that he’d stuck with this shitty idol job for all that time for nothing. And he wouldn’t have been able to handle that.

“That’s a shame.”

“It’s  _ fine _ . It’s not the end of the world. I also don’t wanna talk about it,” he added quickly upon noticing that Sasaki was about to reply.

Sasaki held up his hands, signalling surrender.

“…Do you dislike your current job, Izumi-san?”

“What gave it away?”

“I’ve been wondering about it for a while now.”

Mamoru rolled his eyes.

He’d never tried to hide the fact in private. After how much time he had to spend acting all upbeat and cutesy about it, he doubted he would’ve been able to stay sane if he’d have had to have kept that up even outside of work. The only saving grace was probably his salary.

If he’d gone into it for the money, he might not have minded it so much. He could've already quit and gone into early retirement or something. And he probably would’ve been way better off. But if he couldn’t pursue the one thing he genuinely cared about, the one thing he still had passion for, what would have been the point…? Would he ever have been able to be happy like that? With no friends to speak of, and a family he was hardly a part of… A life like that couldn’t have been worth living for.

“Yeah, well… between the death threats, the paparazzi and the stalkers, it’s kinda hard to enjoy.”

Natsume seemed to have at least kept his promise when he’d said he’d take care of his newest stalker. Or, if not, she seemed to have given up. He didn’t really care which it was. It wasn’t like this was the first time. He wasn’t sure why he’d gotten so freaked out over it.

“Natsume-kun may have mentioned something about that.”

“Of course he did…”

That wasn’t a surprise. If anything, he’d have expected him to talk more about him behind his back. Although he supposed it was still entirely possible that he had.

“All that sounds awfully stressful. It must have taken quite the toll on you…”

“Don’t patronize me. I’m used to it already. What kind of a pathetic loser would I have to be to still be crying over that shit…”

Despite the animosity his words were filled with, they rang empty. There was barely any conviction behind them even with all his efforts. Yeah, so maybe he  _ was _ that pathetic loser after all. Big deal… It wasn’t like he had anyone to impress anymore. Certainly not this guy.

Then again, admitting it out loud would’ve just made it worse. It would’ve gone from just being an annoying intrusive thought to something  _ real _ , something tangible. Something that he wouldn’t be able to escape from. It would’ve meant giving up. By that point, he might as well been dragging his sorry ass back to his mom and forgetting about any plans he’d made for the future.

“You don’t have to be so hard on yourself. There’s no shame in admitting that you’ve been hurt.”

_ Gross. Gross. Gross. _

There was no way there was any bit of sincerity behind that. And the thought that he was expected to just play along made him feel sick to his stomach. As if these kinds of empty platitudes could have satisfied anyone out of kindergarten…

Sasaki chuckled.

“I hope you’ll be able to bring yourself to believe me in the future, even if you can’t find it in yourself right now.”

Mamoru scoffed.

“Not happening.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do know. I hate fake people. And people like you are the fakest ones out there, pretending to be all high and mighty while looking down on everyone else.”

For a second, he thought he’d finally done it. The silence that fell upon them gave him the briefest feeling of hope. If only he could make him snap, if only he could make him lose his cool, this ridiculous roleplaying might finally be over…

When he actually looked over, though, Sasaki didn’t seem to be upset at all. Nor distressed. Leaning on one of his hands, he appeared to be deep in thought, the faintest frown visible on his face. The kind one might wear during a slightly troublesome question on a test, or when having to decide what to eat for dinner.

Maybe he was just a sociopath. Maybe Mamoru was wasting his breath, whinging like some sort of lunatic. But then again, that wasn’t any different from how things usually tended to go for him. He couldn’t even feel embarrassed. He was just so damn tired.

“Do you think I’m pretending to care about helping you?”

The question sounded so innocent. Plainly inquisitive. He didn’t grace it with a reply.

Sasaki hummed.

“It’s true that I don’t know much about what kind of a person you are. It hasn’t been very long since we first met, after all. But, you know, the reason I chose this job is because I care about helping others.”

“Why?”

“It makes me happy. The same way petting a cat or going out for a delicious meal might make someone else happy.”

_ Stupid. So stupid. _

“So you’re just doing it for selfish reasons then.”

“Is that so bad?”

“That’s not how a good person is supposed to be.”

“What do you think a good person is, then?”

Just as he was about to give a knee-jerk reply… he realised he wasn’t entirely sure. He’d never had to define it before. Or not in a way that was well-worded and clear, at least. It had always just been this abstract concept that, when someone said it, everyone else was supposed to know what they were talking about. Something that should have been self-evident.

“…Someone that helps people for the sake of it, I guess,” he stammered out, cringing at how uncertain his own tone sounded. He felt like a grade schooler, grasping for the right words to use. “Someone that doesn’t care if they get nothing in return.”

“Is that something you came up with on your own?”

“I- I don’t know- Does it really matter?”

“It matters a lot,” Sasaki spun the pen he’d picked up, scribbling something down onto the notepad that had been laying around mostly unused until now. Mamoru resisted the urge to peek. What did he care…? It was probably something stupid anyway. “It’s important to figure out where our ideals come from.”

“It’s not  _ my _ ideal.”

“Oh? Then what is it?”

“It’s… just what the phrase means.”

“So… it’s society’s ideal.”

“Yeah.”

“What’s  _ your _ image of a good person, then?”

That was a trick question, right…? It had to have been. How was he even supposed to respond to that…? Mamoru shut his mouth tightly, stubbornly staring at the floor. Even though he knew this wasn’t an interview, it was sure starting to feel like one. Like Sasaki was just waiting for him to fall into a trap he’d laid so he could expose him.

It wasn’t safe here, like he’d thought. For someone like him, it wasn’t safe anywhere.

“…There is no right or wrong answer here, Izumi-san. Please don’t stress over it so much.”

“Whatever…”

As if he could trust a word he was saying…

It felt like an eternity had passed before Sasaki gave in and broke the silence, accepting that he wasn’t going to reply.

“Well, either way,” he set his notepad back down, “I don’t think doing things because they make you happy is a bad thing. Don’t you think it’s a good thing, if making others happy also makes you happy?”

Despite the snarky answer that popped into his head right away, one that he was probably  _ supposed to _ say came out instead:

“I guess.”

“You don’t sound very sure.”

“What does it matter how sure I am?”

“Because you’re not taking a test right now. You don’t have to agree to anything you don’t actually agree with.”

_ Ugh… _

Natsume must have been  _ really _ happy with himself for having sent him here. These kinds of bullshit sentiments were the exact ones he would’ve expected to come out of his mouth. Asshole should’ve been a psych major. It would’ve suited him.

“You say that like you’re not here to determine if I’m some kind of a ‘problem child’ or not.”

“Because I’m not.”

“Uh huh…”

“Say, Izumi-san, is there something that you feel guilty about?”

The question had come  _ so _ out of nowhere, it managed to catch him off-guard completely.

How was that related to anything they’ve been talking about? Was he just trying to get some kind of a confession out of him? Something to prove the assumptions he’d definitely been making about him? That must have been it, right? He couldn’t answer that. If he did, he-

“You don’t actually have to tell me what it is, if you don’t want to. A simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ would be just fine.”

He could feel himself breaking out in cold sweat.

“…Maybe.”

“Is it something that happened recently, or something that’s been bothering you for a while? Maybe a recurring incident?”

_ All of them. _

“…Whichever.”

“Is it something you’ve done?”

“I guess.”

“Is it something you’ve done that you’ve hurt someone with?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you feel like it was your fault?”

_ Yeah. _

“Probably.”

“Are you afraid that you’re not a good person because of what you’ve done?”

“Y-yeah…”

“Have you done it more than once?”

“Yep.”

“Have you  _ stopped _ doing it?”

“…Not really.”

“Is this something that you want to change about yourself?”

“…Sure.”

Sasaki smiled.

“Then I don’t see what you’re so anxious about. You’re already past the first step, if you recognise the issue. If it’s something you already want to fix, that’s even better. That’s what I’m here to help with.”

He wanted to scream. He wanted to smash his stupid mug of tea over his stupid head, to knock over the coffee table, to break every single shelf in the room one by one. Or to at least grab him by the collar and let him know exactly how little he appreciated this whole charade with some very choice words.

His hands were getting oddly cold.

“Of course, I’ll need you to open up to me more for that. I can’t help you if you won’t let me. There’s no rush, though. Even if you don’t want to tell me right now, there’s always next time. And the time after that. And so on and so forth.”

“…Won’t that be annoying?”

“It’s just the way things are. If I found it troubling, I wouldn’t be working this job.”

_ Liar. _

Sasaki glanced at the clock.

“Unfortunately we do seem to be out of time for today. I hope you’ll think over everything I told you in the meantime, though.”

_ No way. No way. _

He held out one of his hands.

“Can I expect to see you next week once again?”

Mamoru’s hands stayed in his lap.

“…I guess.”

* * *

**minamoto** Today at 4:11 PM   
btw how are u feeling

**webslinger** Today at 4:11 PM   
Rn?? im ok

**webslinger** Today at 4:11 PM   
Sitting out exams for now

**webslinger** Today at 4:11 PM   
Got it cleared ahead of time so i wont get into any trouble

**webslinger** Today at 4:11 PM   
Natsurin took care of it for me

**webslinger** Today at 4:11 PM   
Still have to take them later but its ok

**minamoto** Today at 4:12 PM   
is natsurin all powerful wtf

**webslinger** Today at 4:12 PM   
Haha maybe

**webslinger** Today at 4:12 PM   
But yea i think ill be good after summer vac :)

**webslinger** Today at 4:12 PM   
Ty for always checking up on me

**webslinger** Today at 4:12 PM   
Also ty for the chocolate again hehe

**minamoto** Today at 4:12 PM   
np!! nyehehe

**minamoto** Today at 4:12 PM   
btw i heard a beach trip is being planned after exams

**minamoto** Today at 4:13 PM   
mayb

**minamoto** Today at 4:13 PM   
unsure rn

**minamoto** Today at 4:13 PM   
u should come itll b fun

**webslinger** Today at 4:13 PM   
I might

**webslinger** Today at 4:13 PM   
Ill sit on it for a bit first

**minamoto** Today at 4:13 PM   
yaya thats fine rn its still undecided lol

**minamoto** Today at 4:14 PM   
oh brb im getting a call

**webslinger** Today at 4:13 PM   
yee no worries

* * *

He didn’t immediately hurry back home for a change. Perhaps because it had been a while since he’d been accosted. He’d told himself he wasn’t going to trust Natsume enough to let down his guard just yet, so, even after their deal had been made, he’d spent the next week or so hypervigilant, only going out when absolutely necessary, ready to bolt if anyone suspicious were to approach him.

Truth be told, though, he’d grown kind of sick of it. So, today he wandered around the city for a little while. To clear his head, maybe.

He hated that part of himself was hoping he’d run into someone from school. Even though he knew it was hopeless, he couldn’t help but wonder if there was still a chance that things would go back to normal if he could just stumble into Momo or Yuriko. He even got as close to campus as he possibly could without risking being spotted by anyone else. No dice, though.  _ Figures. _

It stung a lot more than he would’ve thought. He thought he’d have gotten over it by now. Over  _ Yuriko _ , at least. She hadn’t called him a friend for a long time now, after all. They hadn’t had a fun, relaxed conversation in god knows how long.

Though he supposed she’d never actually cut contact with him like this before. Even at her angriest, she’d only ever ignored him for a little while. And sure, maybe all she’d seemed to have for him had been insults and snarky comebacks, but… those had still been kind of fun. He’d still gotten to spend time with her. That had still been  _ something _ .

There was no use crying about it, was there? He was such an idiot, thinking back to it over and over. He turned sharply, heading back home for real this time around.

Come to think of it… exams would be starting tomorrow, wouldn’t they? Did he even want to go…?  _ Should _ he have? Probably, unless he wanted to flunk out and render the years he’d spent attending Hope’s Peak a waste. He really wasn’t in the mood, though. And he wasn’t even sure if he’d be able to pass, quite frankly. He hadn’t bothered to study at all for a while now. If he had a study partner, he might have been able to make things work, but, alas…

Natsume was supposedly pretty booksmart, wasn’t he…?

He shook his head vehemently, appalled by his own lapse in judgement. He would have much rather died than asked that pompous jackass for any more favors. Especially if it meant he’d end up owing him even more now… Who knows how he might’ve tried to use that to his advantage…

He flinched as he felt something furry rub against his leg all of a sudden.  _ Just Cocoa. _ He leaned down to give the cat a soft scratch behind her ear. Her owner hadn’t asked him for anything for a while now, huh…

…

God, how desperate was he, yearning for company from an old lady? He really had to get his shit together, and fast.

He missed the keyhole on his front door four times when he tried to fit his key into it.


	26. Clover

_ “You dyed your hair…?” _

_ “Yeah! Don’t you think it looks cool?” _

_ “I mean… I guess. Isn’t it gonna bother you though?” _

_ “Huh?” _

_ “People are probably gonna stare.” _

_ “Oh, I know. That’s why I wanted try it. ‘cause… I wanna get comfortable with it.” _

_ “…You’re so weird.” _

_ “In a good way!” _

_ “Yeah, actually. I’m kind of jealous… I could never do that.” _

_ “You could try.” _

_ “No way. I don’t wanna stick out.” _

_ “How about just a single stripe, then?” _

_ “A… single stripe?” _

_ “Yeah! Like on your fringe or somethin’. Bet most people wouldn’t even notice that.” _

_ “…I’ll think it over, I guess. Maybe after graduation…” _

_ “Want me to hold your hand while you do it?” _

_ “Oh, fuck off.” _

* * *

Kageyama Kazuma had never thought himself to be particularly difficult to entertain. Sure, he could get bored of activities relatively fast, and there were times where he couldn’t really think of anything especially fun to do. But on those days he could always just settle for occupying himself with a game or a show, or maybe binging videos online. Maybe shooting a skit he could upload for some extra cash. Maybe going out on his own to chat up some strangers.

To be honest, he’d been feeling under the weather for a while even before exams had started. Even before everyone became too busy to hang out. And before Yui started brushing him off, making excuses about why she didn’t have time to spare.

It wasn’t like he was mad or anything. In fact, he hadn’t even said a single word to anyone about it. He didn’t wanna look clingy, like he couldn’t be left alone for a week without imploding or something. Didn’t want the others to get annoyed with him either. Even if they wouldn’t have chided him for it.

That was why he’d decided to spend his Thursday evening hanging out at the bar Keiji worked at, hoping at least he would indulge him in some company.

“Done with exams, huh…” Keiji had noted when he’d first sat down.

“Been done for a few days now.”

“Lucky. I finished up earlier today. Hiromin’s still got tomorrow. Thought she was a zombie when I stumbled into her this mornin’.”

He wasn’t the type to drink much normally. He’d only ever drink at parties, and never enough to get blackout. Not because he had a stick up his ass or anything. But it was usually just a way for him to have fun with his friends more than anything.

That was probably why Keiji gave him such a weird look when he downed three shots in a row.

“Ya good?”

“Uh huh,” he waved a hand at his concern. He just wanted to loosen up and relax for a bit; was that so bad? “Just a bit tired. Y’know. Long week.”

“Feel that. Take care of yourself, man.”

“Y’know it!”

Some finger guns were enough to get Keiji to stop worrying.

He’d never drunk to make himself feel better before. Normally he would’ve preferred to just get together with Yui and smoke some weed. Or get comfy with a bunch of snacks and hold a one-man movie night. Or creep up on Taka and bother him, if he gave up on trying to respect his schedule.

None of those were an option right now, though. Taka was still busy, Yui was off god knows where – sure as hell didn’t seem to wanna talk to him either way –, and the movies had stopped keeping his attention. So… this was pretty much the only thing he hadn’t tried yet. Better than sitting back at school all sad anyway. Plus, Keiji was here. And Keiji was always really chill to talk to.

He started out keeping count of the shots. Yuzuru had hammered it into his head when they’d first started drinking. ‘I don’t want your ass in the hospital for alcohol poisoning’, he’d grumbled. Kazuma thought it was a bit of a silly concern – he’d feel it if he got  _ that _ sick way before he got sick for sure –, but he hadn’t even thought to argue for a second. Because Yuzuru had always been way smarter than him, so he probably knew better.

He snickered as Keiji recounted to him a time he’d found Yokoyama drunk as all hell back home and had to watch over her for the rest of the day to make sure she wasn’t going to break anything. She was especially rowdy when she got drunk, apparently. Kazuma had never seen her beyond moderately tipsy. The image was pretty funny, though.

He lost count really fast. Yuzuru probably would have been pretty upset with him. It wasn’t like he was that drunk, though. Just kinda tipsy at best. Hot and kind of lightheaded, maybe a little giggly. Aware enough of his surroundings. Nowhere near blackout.

Why was Yuzuru always so worried about these kinds of things anyway? Did he just not trust him to be able to take care of himself? Yuzuru had always been like that. Always acting like he was responsible for everyone else. Like they were in need of help. It made him feel better, he’d told him in the past. It made him feel like a good friend, he’d said. But Kazuma had never entirely believed that.

Not that he asked. Or was ever planning on it. Yuzuru could be a little sensitive when it came to delicate topics like that, and he didn’t want to end up hurting his feelings. Or annoying him somehow. He knew he could be dense like that. And he’d never liked fighting. It was never worth it. When he’d found out Yuzuru and Taka had gotten into a fight, he’d managed to freak himself out for a while. Even though he figured things would  _ probably _ end up working out sooner or later. The thought of his best friend and his boyfriend not getting along had just been really scary.

Taka was hardly the type to fight either. Only when someone was being especially pushy. He was always quick to apologise otherwise, even when he didn’t entirely mean it. He’d said before that he found arguing too tiring every time it went beyond playful. He didn’t have the energy for it. But he also said he didn’t think he had the confidence or conviction to hammer in his point for long enough. He’d end up caving eventually, whether or not that was the right thing to do.

And Kazuma had never understood that. Because Taka was smart. Like,  _ really _ smart. And even when he got pissed off, he was able to cool down really fast. Or at least sound composed. He was really good at putting his thoughts into words too. Way better than him, at least. Stringing together coherent sentences was hard enough sometimes even when he was completely calm, let alone when he was actually on edge.

Taka had teased him about it before. About the way he’d fumble with his words, or when he’d forget how he was about to finish a sentence. And he’d never really been embarrassed about it. Not  _ really _ . Not most of the time. If anything, it was always a relief, getting confirmation that he wasn’t bothering Taka with it. Sometimes, though, it was kind of awful. Not Taka’s teasing. Just his own incompetence.

Well, Taka or Yuzuru never minded it, at least. They usually got what he meant anyway. Side effect of having known each other for ages, he supposed. It kind of sucked with everyone else, though. Especially when he was dealing with someone frail like Setsuko. Her reactions were always so hard to predict. He didn’t even notice that he’d managed to freak her out more than he would’ve liked to admit. And it had been kind of funny at first, when he didn’t think it would be so serious, but Yuzuru had let him know she actually seemed to be pretty upset. And so he started to pay more attention. Or tried to, anyway. But then even when he did manage to pick up on it on his own, half the time he’d get too flustered to apologise in time, and he’d just end up trying to somehow salvage everything by quickly bringing up a different topic. He’d done the same thing when he’d casually asked if he could call her by her first name for the second time, and she briefly devolved into a nervous wreck.

She probably would’ve thought it was pretty weird for him to struggle so much with it. It would’ve been pretty awkward to admit. He wouldn’t have even known where to begin. He didn’t wanna creep her out either by seeming like he was trying too hard to befriend her. It was normal though, right? Wanting to be friends with someone you were rooming with…?

Maybe she wouldn’t have been that upset. She could say some pretty weird things out of nowhere at times too. Or maybe she would have. He couldn’t know.

Had Yui minded? He’d thought she didn’t care. She rarely ever called him out anyway. And, honestly, for a while he hadn’t even been sure if there was anyone capable of upsetting her. But he must have, right? Why else would she have stopped talking to him like that out of nowhere? He’d probably been bothering her without realising.

He couldn’t just ask, though. Because if he was just being paranoid and she really was busy, it would’ve basically turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy, right? She would’ve been annoyed by that kind of accusation, right? It wasn’t like he was trying to say that she was definitely lying. Although, even if she was, he couldn’t really feel upset with her because of it. She might have just been trying to spare his feelings. She didn’t like being harsh with him. He knew that much.

He wondered if Yuzuru would mind if he asked him about it. He definitely didn’t wanna bother Taka with it. Taka was already dealing with more than enough; he didn’t wanna be yet another problem on top of that. But, then again, Yuzuru was kind of a nervous wreck during every exam season. So maybe it was best to leave him be until that was over too.

Man, this whole thing was so dumb.

“Aight, you’ve had enough.”

With the whole room spinning around him like some kind of merry-go-round, it took him considerable amount of focus to be able to focus enough on Keiji’s face to see his expression of disapproval.

“Huh-?”

“I ain’t gettin’ paid to land ya in a hospital bed.”

“I feel fine!” he protested.

Keiji raised a brow.

“Dunno what’s got ya feelin’ so down, but drinkin’ ain’t gonna solve it. Speakin’ from experience.”

“I’m not feelin’ down!”

“Then why’ve ya been cryin’ like that for the past 20 or so minutes?”

_ Oh, right. _

“Man, fuck you.”

“Just tryna help,” Keiji held up his hands.

What was he, his dad? His mom? Like it was any of his business… Wasn’t  _ he _ usually the one they had to pry away from the bar at every party?

He clumsily wiped his face with his sleeves.

“Just one more.”

“No.”

“ _ C’mon, just one! _ ”

“Askin’ in English won’t make me wanna give it to ya.”

“Ugh…”

“What’s up with ya today? Got broken up with?”

“Nah…”

“Then what? Failed an exam or somethin’?”

“No! You really think I’m  _ that _ dumb?”

“Aight, damn. Didn’t say nothin’ like that.”

“Oh, whatever…”

Kazuma slid off the stool, narrowly avoiding crashing into the counter. He was barely able to stand on his feet – yeah,  _ fine _ , maybe he was pretty gone. It was fine, though. Of course it was. As long as his head was still working, he was still good.

He stood around dazed for the first couple seconds, trying to remember what he’d been about to ask.

“Oh, yeah… I paid already, right?”

“Yeah…?”

“Cool.”

He staggered over to the exit.

“Where you goin’?” Keiji called after him, leaning over the counter.

“Convenience store.”

“Y’know they won’t give ya more either. Not when you’re like this.”

Stupid Keiji! Like he knew anything…

Briefly leaning against the doorway, Kazuma turned back to stick his tongue out at him.

“Whatever!”

He crashed into the door three times before he managed to get it open. He thought heard Keiji swear under his breath.

* * *

“Akagi-han! Great timin’.”

“What? What did I miss?”

“Gotta step out for a sec. Ya good coverin’ for me?”

“What for? Lady in need?”

“Nah. Just a friend bein’ a dumbass. Don’t want his ass gettin’ run over.”

“Drank too much?”

“Yeah.”

“Fine. Just this once.”

“Thanks, man. I owe ya one.”

“Damn right you do.”

* * *

He probably would’ve gotten a lot further if he hadn’t kept tripping over his own feet, knocking into anything and everything in his path. The increasing nausea probably also wasn’t helping. As it was, though, he barely got past a single block before he felt a hand grab him by the shoulder and steady him.

“Aight, hold still there.”

“What’re you followin’ me around for?”

“To make sure ya get home in one piece.”

Keiji shushed him when he tried to reply again. Honestly, though, he was already feeling too sick to continue arguing. His stomach had been hurting pretty bad since his last few shots, and he was quickly developing a pounding headache that the bright lights around them were just making worse.

“Nao-chan? Need a favor from ya real quick. Ya got Taka-kun’s number, right? Or Chiba-kun’s?”

Keiji’s grip on him didn’t loosen. On one hand, it did help keep him from falling over, which was pretty nice. On the other hand, though, he really didn’t want to be babysat like this.

“Shit… Yeah, well, I’ll give it a try anyway. Thanks.”

So he kept flailing around, in the hopes that he could break free. Even if it was pretty much hopeless. He couldn’t bring himself to care.

“Nah, nothin’ like that. Don’t worry ‘bout it.”

After Keiji ended the call, he gave him a firm shake.

“Would ya quit wigglin’ around like that? I’m tryna help here.”

“No!”

“You’re really a handful when you’re hammered, huh…”

“Yeah, well… you can eat my ass.”

“I’ll pass, thanks,” Keiji chuckled.

None of the calls he made after that actually seemed to go through, though. He tried a couple times, getting increasingly exasperated after each one. If it was Taka and Yuzuru, they were probably busy studying.

Kazuma felt himself getting choked up again. He wanted to go back. He wanted to cling to Taka, even if he was busy with those stupid exams. Even if he would be a bother. Even if Taka was gonna get mad at him for it. Even if it was childish or selfish, he wanted it so, so,  _ so _ bad.

“Oh, for cryin’ out loud,” Keiji clicked his tongue, “‘course nobody picks up.”

He let out a deep sigh.

“Nao-chan did say they still had a day left… Guess I can’t just drop ya on ‘em outta nowhere. Don’t wanna be blamed if they fail.”

Kazuma’s chest tightened at that.

“Your parents live far?”

He sniffled.

“…Kinda.”

“Goddammit.”

He was probably bothering Keiji too. Man, he really couldn’t go two seconds without getting in someone’s way, huh…?

“Everythin’ sucks…”

“Yeah, ya tell me.”

Keiji dialed another number.

“Hiromin, mind if I bring Kazuma-kun over for a bit? Guy’s totally out of it. Don’t want him gettin’ himself hurt or some shit.”

Keiji’s place…? He’d never been there before. Keiji wasn’t normally one to invite people over, and he wasn’t really close to Yokoyama or anything. He’d almost forgotten they were living together.

He used to have an apartment with Taka. Before he’d run off to uni. Because Yuzuru said he was going to, and he thought it sounded like fun. It was probably good for Taka, not having to be interrupted constantly for a whole year. He probably liked that. He was way more introverted than him, after all.

“Ya cryin’ again…?”

“…No…”

“Please don’t throw up on me.”

“I won’t! Rude ass…”

Keiji draped one of his arms over his shoulder.

“Let’s get ya sobered up, lil’ man.

* * *

He wasn’t sure if the coldness of the bathroom floor against his skin was actually helping, or if he was just imagining things, but he honestly didn’t have the energy to care. His head felt like it was about to split open any second. And even after having thrown up twice, his insides felt all scrambled and knotted. Yokoyama had forced him to practically chug a glass of water, but, if that helped at all, he certainly hadn’t noticed.

Yokoyama had been worried sick when they’d first shown up. Which he didn’t really get, since they weren’t really close friends or anything. According to her, though, he’d basically looked like a zombie. Which… probably hadn’t improved since then, just based on his current state. Either way, though, she’d proceeded to chew Keiji out pretty badly for letting things get this far. And if Kazuma hadn’t felt like he was on the verge of death or something, he probably would’ve tried to defend him. Because it wasn’t like it was his fault. And he didn’t want them to get into an argument because of him.

To his surprise, though, it didn’t escalate at all. In fact – though it took a considerable amount of convincing –, Keiji actually managed to shoo her off and let her focus on studying, after having promised her he’d take care of the rest. He didn’t seem upset. Not even a little. And, though her stern attitude remained, Yokoyama didn’t seem like she was actually all that mad. It was a relief, even if it had kind of scared him initially.

Now that all the buzz had worn off to leave only the worst parts behind, he was definitely regretting not having listened. To Keiji, or to Yuzuru’s advice. He should’ve just stuck to some fruity cocktails and called it a day before things got too bad. Now he was not only still in an awful mood, but stuck with a barely functional body. A whole lotta good that had done…

He heard someone open the door and step inside. He didn’t even move to look. Too tired and lazy.

“Feelin’ better yet?”

“Worse.”

Keiji snickered.

“Know the feelin’…”

He wondered if they’d let him use their shower. Probably not. It wasn’t like he had anything to change into either.

“Won’t they get mad at you for ditchin’ work like that…?”

“Nah. I called in ‘n’ everythin’. Never done this before, ‘n’ I ain’t gonna get in trouble for just this one time.”

That was good, at least. He would’ve felt pretty guilty if Keiji had gotten scolded at work too.

“How ‘bout ya lemme know what’s been eatin’ at ya? Let’s chat.”

“Don’t wanna.”

“That’s a first.”

“Why you gotta keep askin’ anyway…? Not like it’s anythin’ you’d find interestin’…”

“‘cause ya love runnin’ your mouth, don’t ya? Ain’t it gonna help?”

_ Yeah. _

“Ya ain’t the kinda guy to get this bent outta shape over small shit. What’s up?”

Maybe it was okay to at least talk to Keiji. He wasn’t the type to gossip, nor to ask this kind of thing out of just politeness. In fact, he definitely would’ve tried to find a way to weasel himself out of the situation if he’d felt bothered. Plus he was probably going to end up looking like a way bigger brat if he didn’t at least attempt to explain himself. And he didn’t want him to think he was being a jackass on purpose or anything.

“…You ever feel like your friends just don’t trust you?”

He heard Keiji shift around.

“Dunno. Don’t really think ‘bout that kinda stuff.”

“Mm…”

“Y’think your friends don’t trust you?”

“Sure startin’ to feel like it…”

He wasn’t overthinking things, was he? He was usually told off for thinking too little. It wasn’t like he knew what he was supposed to do, though.

“Everyone’s always keepin’ secrets from me… Leavin’ me outta stuff just ‘cause I’m not smart like they are… Kinda makes me wonder if it was dumb to try to be reliable in the first place.”

They were probably in the right. He knew all too well that he tended to get in the way more often than not. He wasn’t people smart like Yuzuru. Or rational like Taka. Or book smart like Yui or Setsuko. He didn’t even have a noteworthy title to speak of. He was just the lucky student. With a million different hobbies, none of which he particularly excelled at. A jack of all trades, master of none.

Taka would’ve told him that was a silly thing to get hung up on. But he’d picked up half of his hobbies through Taka to begin with. And Taka had always been way better at them. Even though he’d always talk trash about himself. And even if he would’ve understood, he’d already been having so much trouble getting any work done. Kazuma didn’t wanna be another reason for him to feel like he had to give up. He wanted him to be able to enjoy working like he used to.

“…It ain’t dumb to try.”

“You don’t sound that sure, y’know.”

“It’s what Hiromin woulda said.”

“So you’re sayin’ you don’t think that.”

It took Keiji a couple moments to reply.

“Man, I ain’t good at this kinda stuff, aight? Chronic underachiever here. Can’t just tell ya to stop givin’ a shit like me.”

The tone he said that in actually managed to make Kazuma laugh. He sounded so purely,  _ genuinely _ inconvenienced, with a dash of mild distress. Like it shouldn’t have been a big deal in the first place. Keiji had always been pretty good at that.

“Guess I can at least tell ya ya might be imaginin’ things. Ain’t ever gonna hurt to ask.”

“Hate that.”

“Do ya, now?”

“‘cause, like… even if I ask, no guarantee they’ll be honest. And if it’s nothin’… I don’t want them thinkin’ I was losin’ my mind over nothin’.”

“Well, then ain’t nothin’ else left but to keep stewin’ in your misery. Sorry to break it to ya.”

Yeah, he was right. He’d already known that, but Keiji putting it into words hammered it in even further.

Maybe he was the only one that this was such a serious issue for. Maybe the others wouldn’t have minded either way. Maybe they wouldn’t have thought he was an asshole or an idiot for worrying. They’d come to him with their own dumb problems before, after all. Stuff that  _ he _ didn’t think was dumb at all, but they were somehow incredibly embarrassed about. And they’d always been able to laugh it off afterwards.  _ He’d _ never thought any less of them for it.

If only he hadn’t been so wishy-washy. That might’ve actually been enough to help him make up his mind otherwise.

He let out a long, exasperated groan.

“I hate thiiiiis… I hate feelin’ like such a loser… It’s so annoyin’.”

“Ain’t any losers in here. Just two kings, havin’ a nice lil’ chat.”

He couldn’t hold back a startled giggle.

“…Hey, Keiji…”

“Hm?”

“How’re you always so chill? Gimme your secrets.”

Keiji chuckled.

“‘s a craft honed over time. I ain’t always been like this.”

“No way.”

“Used to be an angry ass kid, in fact.”

“ _ No way! _ ”

“All it takes is realisin’ freakin’ yourself out over every lil’ thing ain’t gonna solve a damn thing,” he sighed. Finally lifting his head off the floor, Kazuma could see him digging his fingers through his hair. “You’ll prolly get over it with time.”

“How’d  _ you _ get over it?”

“Hah. Wouldn’t ya like to know.”

He didn’t actually seem upset at all that he’d asked, though.

He leaned further back, letting the back of his head rest against the wall. With an arm propped up on his knees, he somehow still managed to look unbelievably cool, despite sitting on a freaking bathroom floor in a uniform all rumpled. Only Keiji could’ve pulled something like that off. Made sense why Yuzuru was so jealous of him.

“‘s kind of a long story. But… guess it was mostly for my parents.”

“For your parents?”

“Yeah. They came from poor families ‘n’ didn’t wanna spoil their kids. Practically suffocated us with how strict they were. So we were always fightin’ ‘bout the stupidest shit 24/7.”

“That… sounds like it’d suck.”

“Oh yeah,” he snickered. “Sure did. Hated goin’ back home every day. Almost ran away at one point.”

“So… how’d you solve that?”

Keiji cracked his knuckles with a meaningful look, implying something that honestly scared him a little. A moment later, though, he winked.

“Kiddin’. Wouldn’t have actually kicked their asses. Wasn’t  _ that _ dumb of a kid.”

“Y-yeah, right…”

“For real, though, we just… talked. Y’know. Like normal people. Realised shit wasn’t gonna work out the way things were goin’, ‘n’ figured we might as well work ‘em out. Or… they did, I guess. I was a bit slow on the uptake.”

It was kind of surreal, listening to Keiji talk about himself like that. He’d only ever known him… well, like the way he was right now. Laidback and hardly confrontational. At most kind of snarky from time to time.

Although he supposed that probably wasn’t as out of the ordinary as it felt. People could change a lot over time. Taka and Yuzuru both had been a lot more irritable back in high school. And… he himself had been much more of a doormat.

It was just an easy thing to forget. Or at least he could never keep it in mind consistently enough.

Keiji hummed.

“Point is… I can’t really tell ya if you’re right or wrong. That ain’t somethin’ I’d know. What I  _ can _ say is that even if your worst fear or whatever comes true, it ain’t gonna be unsalvageable. Took my parents a long enough time to be able to trust me, ‘n’ took me twice as long to be able to trust ‘em… but we still made it. ‘n’ we’re doin’ pretty great now. Love ‘em both to death.”

He shrugged.

“So, y’know, if ya think you’re gonna end up lookin’ dumb or somethin’… maybe that’s fine. ‘n’ if ya end up gettin’ into a fight or somethin’, or sayin’ stuff you’ll regret later… maybe that’s fine too. The world ain’t gonna end. ‘n’ if your friends’re worth carin’ ‘bout, they won’t just ditch your ass ‘cause of somethin’ like this.”

_ Maybe. _ When he put it like that, it sounded a lot easier. And a lot less scary. Keiji wasn’t the type to make stuff up like that. He wouldn’t have said all that if he didn’t sincerely believe it. And, considering how pessimistic he tended to be, it probably shouldn’t have been taken lightly.

“…Feels like somethin’ Taka would’ve said.”

“Good. Means he’s smart. Like me.”

Man, Keiji was just  _ so freaking cool _ .

Kazuma pushed himself up into a sitting position. In that same movement, he felt another wave of nausea.

“Oh, god…”

“Ya good there?”

“Not really…”

The headache did seem to have lessened over time slightly, but that was about it.

Yuzuru was definitely going to kill him if he ever found out. Probably best to keep it a secret.

“Tell ya what… Lemme get back to ya in a couple mins,” Keiji clambered to his feet, signalling for him to stay put.

“Huh?”

“I’ll see if I can whip somethin’ up real quick to make ya feel better.”

He could vaguely remember Natsurin in the past having told him there’s no cure for a hangover. Not that he’d ever gotten one before. So he wasn’t even sure if that was what this was supposed to be. And, even putting that aside, he wasn’t entirely sure that he’d be able to get anything down right now, let alone some crazy concoction that was probably just gonna taste like medicine…

He didn’t even have time to contemplate arguing about it though before Keiji was already gone, presumably off to the kitchen. Well… apart from Yui, he was probably the resident liquor expert here. Maybe it was worth a shot.

Kazuma sank back down onto the floor, resigning himself to whatever fate was awaiting him. He really should’ve just stuck to weed.

* * *

It was late by the time he arrived back. So late, in fact, that he could already see the sun starting to rise over the sky. So… maybe it was early instead.

He’d stayed over at Keiji’s until he felt like he was in good enough shape to be able to walk to school on his own. They’d talked for a couple hours until Keiji had dozed off in the living room to Yokoyama’s chagrin. She’d spent a while trying to wake him to convince him to at least move to the bedroom, but Keiji was a deep sleeper, so nothing ended up coming of it. When Kazuma had asked her when she was planning on going to bed, she’d sighed and said she was pulling an all-nighter.

By that point, his vision had cleared up enough to be able to get a good enough look at her. Which had made it double confusing why she’d freaked out so much when she’d spotted him initially. She’d looked like she hadn’t slept in millennia. He felt pretty bad for her. He wondered how she was able to handle that kind of workload at all.

He’d made sure to apologise one last time for the trouble he’d caused before he’d left. She’d shaken her head and told him to take better care of himself. She’d made it sound like an order. And maybe it  _ had _ been one.

The school building appeared deserted. It was always like that at this time of night… or…  _ day? _ He figured everyone else must have still been asleep, so he traversed the hallway as quietly as he could manage, opening the door to the common room extremely carefully.

Poking his head inside, the first thing he spotted was Taka in his sleepwear. Standing in the middle of the kitchen, box in one hand, a fistful of cereal in the other. As soon as he spotted Kazuma, he froze mid-movement. Like he hadn’t been expecting to be intruded upon.

Kazuma’s gaze settled on the box.

“…Is that  _ my _ cereal?”

Taka looked to the box, then back at him.

“Yep.”

“The one I offered to buy for you but then you turned down ‘cause you said you didn’t like it that much?”

“Look, dude… Sometimes food just tastes better stolen.”

“No shame, huh…”

Slowly lifting his hand, Taka shoved the cereal in his mouth. Munching away, looking fairly content, he placed the box back down.

“Where were you all night anyway?”

“Oh, uh- Just hangin’ with Keiji.”

“Fuckers. I’ll be free soon too, just you wait…”

Kazuma laughed.

Even if they hadn’t really had a proper talk about it since then, it did seem like Taka was reconsidering the whole dropping out thing. Which… while he hadn’t really tried to convince him too hard – didn’t wanna be too pushy –, he was pretty glad about. Everyone here was pretty cool and nice, but… it would’ve been pretty lonely without Taka. He’d missed him  _ really _ bad during his first year.

“Hey… Taka?”

“Mm?”

“After you’re, like… done with your exams and stuff… can we talk for a bit?”

“I’m not liking the sound of that.”

“It’s nothin’ bad!”

“I know. Just messing with you.”

He broke into a smile before the sentence had even ended, which he attempted to mask with a yawn. He could be so dorky sometimes. The gesture did remind Kazuma of how damn tired  _ he _ was, though.

Keiji’s encouragement did manage to make him feel better, at least. While he was still kind of nervous, he was definitely feeling more optimistic about everything than before, even if just a bit. He probably would’ve brought it up right away too, with how restless he was, if he hadn’t known better and had enough self-control.

Hopefully he’d be able to fall asleep. He didn’t wanna lie awake all night, anxiously planning everything out in his head.

“Don’t mind if I pop in the shower then pass out into bed.”

“You should. You stink.”

“Just my pheromones.”

“That’s a yikes from me.”

He didn’t wonder why Taka had stayed up so late. There was a good chance he just hadn’t been able to fall asleep, or had randomly woken up out of nowhere. That was usually how it went. Or maybe he’d just decided to do some last minute cramming again. Hopefully it was the latter, considering his meds were supposed to be working by now.

Yuzuru was definitely going to get on his case about it if he didn’t disappear in time.

Finding Yuzuru and Setsuko both peacefully asleep, in equally amusing poses, he briefly contemplated snapping a couple photos. He decided against it after he concluded Setsuko would’ve probably freaked out about it. So, instead, he stuck around to stare for a couple seconds, doing his best to muffle his snickers.

The hot shower afterwards was amazing.


	27. Aconite

_ You still haven’t gotten used to sleeping in the dark. No matter how many times your parents scold you or your siblings make fun of you, you always manage to sneak in a night light. Even just the tiniest, dimmest one helps so much. Sometimes, though, it goes out while you’re asleep, and as you wake up to pitch darkness, your heart quickens and your breath hitches. You tumble onto the floor, desperately searching for the light switch. _

_ It’s too scary. It brings back unpleasant memories, feelings that still feel fresh and raw. The thought that your other eye could just stop working terrifies you too deeply, no matter how quickly you manage to turn the lights on again. It’s embarrassing, but it’s not like there’s anything else you can do. _

_ Sometimes you wonder what you did to deserve this. _

* * *

She was in so much pain. So much. She hadn’t had a migraine this bad in forever. That was the only reason she’d been desperate enough to stagger over to the infirmary, fighting nausea. She probably didn’t need an ambulance… right? As hard as it was to focus with her head pounding like this, her mind was still clear, and apart from the pain and sickness, she couldn’t pick up on any other symptoms.

Besides, she had a pretty good idea about the cause. That was why, when she’d opened the door and stepped in, Komatsu Yui already knew what she wanted to say.

“I need painkillers.”

She might’ve tried to set up a careful bargain had she been in a state where she felt like she’d be able to pull that off. She knew she should have. The nurse wasn’t just going to hand meds over to her without questioning her first, so there was really no use in rushing.

But god, she was in agony.

Fujiwara had been sitting at his desk; he raised his head to look over, examining her from head to toe. She’d only visited the infirmary a couple times before, precisely because she’d never liked being in this position. She’d never been able to bring herself to trust other medical professionals to take care of her. Not any better than she would’ve done.

“Komatsu-san?”

“Yeah. The one ‘n’ only.”

She really wasn’t in the mood for this dance right now, but she was going to have to comply if she had any hope of getting what she wanted, annoying as it was.

She could already tell Fujiwara was going to be a difficult one to deal with too. His gaze was calm, but also kind of intense in a way, like he was already trying to get a read on her before she’d said anything else. Which was probably her fault for stating her request so bluntly from the get-go.

“Are you hurt somewhere?”

“Nothin’ like that,” she closed the door, shoving her hands in her pockets after. She was doing her best to seem cavalier. Maybe if she didn’t make it seem like a big deal, he would let his guard down faster. “I lost my meds. I have my prescription right here if you  _ must _ check. I need a refill.”

It was so hard to come up with anything that sounded even remotely convincing in her current state. But what else was she supposed to have done? She couldn’t just tell the truth… That she’d used them all up already. That would’ve made things so much more complicated. Worst case scenario, she might’ve been forced off them, and she knew she wouldn’t have been able to take that. She wouldn’t have been able to  _ function _ .

Fujiwara looked over the paper she’d handed over carefully. It was legit, fortunately – one thing she didn’t have to fake, even though she probably could have. It would’ve been a risk that she wasn’t sure she wanted to take, though, considering it could’ve cost her everything.

“I’m actually not sure if I have the authority-”

“Does it matter? Not like I’m gonna tell on you,” she cut him off impatiently. She could feel her clothes clinging to her with cold sweat. She was going to have to take a long shower after this was all over.

Fujiwara frowned.

“It does matter. You of all people should know.”

_ Fucker. _

“In any case, it seems like something is bothering you. If you have any other concerns, you’re free to let me know.”

She rolled her eyes. Maybe she did need to push a bit more.

“…My head hurts. That’s why I need it. Chronic migraine.”

“That much, I’ve gathered.”

_ Smartass. _

“Please understand that I’m not trying to make things more difficult for you, it’s just that- Are you alright?”

She blinked. In the span of a second, she seemed to have ended up on the floor. That… probably wasn’t good.

Even still, she remained determined to seem fine. She’d done this to herself. Pulling all those all-nighters for exams without taking a single day off work was something she’d known would end up backfiring eventually. She’d been prepared for it. She just hadn’t expected it to be quite this bad.

She ignored the hand Fujiwara had stretched out towards her. Using the wall to steady herself, she got to her feet with only mild difficulty. She was  _ fine. _ It was more than likely mostly from withdrawal, which meant that as long as she had the mental strength to pull through, she would be fine.

“Excuse me.”

She didn’t even have time to ask what that was for before Fujiwara placed his hand on her forehead. More than that, she found she didn’t have the energy to even tell him off for it. She was finding it so hard to keep standing, in fact, that she ended up slumping against the wall, not even flinching as her shoulder collided with it rather roughly.

Her vision flickering on and off really wasn’t helping at all.

“You’re burning up…”

“‘cause I’m hot.”

Whatever he said after that, she couldn’t make out. It was as though she’d been wrapped in a cocoon that separated her from the rest of the world, muffling all noise from the outside. It was at that point that the pain finally started to fade, and, barely conscious, she realised she was about to pass out.  _ Fuck. _

The last thing she felt was Fujiwara’s arms around her as legs collapsed underneath her.

* * *

She had to stay at the hospital overnight. Something that, while she was a fair bit irritated by, didn’t try all that hard to fight against on account of her condition. Fortunately, they didn’t scrutinize her story too much – she was even given a refill after asking, as she’d hoped. Another reason she’d made semi-peace with her predicament. To her delight, she’d slept through most of it, more than likely on account of the medication they’d given her. She hadn’t slept this well in a  _ really _ long time. If only her sleeping pills were this effective…

Her symptoms subsided incredibly fast once she’d arrived. Despite the brief panic it had caused her, the confirmation that she’d been right did give her a sense of comfort. She could still count on her intuition, it seemed.

The only question now was if she could ration her meds better this time around. Or… if she even wanted to. Considering what had started this whole thing, she wasn’t sure how much faith she had in herself… but, then again, summer break had begun, so she’d be able to take it easy for a while. And if it wasn’t an immediate concern, she figured she might as well not worry about it for now. She’d had more than enough stress in recent times.

Standing on the streets in the early afternoon, she pulled out her phone to finally check if she’d missed anything. To her surprise, she was met with a bunch of texts Kazuma had sent her the previous day.

**lil pika** Yesterday at 7:02 PM   
hi

**lil pika** Yesterday at 7:02 PM   
ik we havent gotten to talk in like

**lil pika** Yesterday at 7:02 PM   
a while???

**lil pika** Yesterday at 7:02 PM   
well uh

**lil pika** Yesterday at 7:02 PM   
now that exams are over and stuff i thought itd be cool if we could hang out sometime soon-ish

**lil pika** Yesterday at 7:03 PM   
i kinda have smth i wanna talk to you about

**lil pika** Yesterday at 7:03 PM   
lmk if ur free!

Part of her didn’t think he’d still bother messaging her. It wasn’t as though her excuses to avoid him had all been lies. She  _ had _ become pretty busy, what with the amount she had to study right before exams hit. But, after their last proper conversation, she’d also found herself dreading spending time with him a little. Just a bit. She’d gotten the impression that he’d end up dumping something heavy onto her, and, as bad as it sounded, she already had her hands full with her own problems at the moment. She was having a hard enough time keeping herself functional at all.

From the looks of it, she might have been right to think that too. Even if the tone of the messages was light, she knew it would end up turning into something serious. She could tell. Kazuma wasn’t good at hiding this kind of stuff.

She couldn’t keep avoiding him forever. Not only because that would have been a major dick move, but because she herself didn’t want to end up losing him as a friend either. Even though she’d told herself she’d get over it fairly quick… They’d been friends for a while; it was inevitable that she’d get at least kind of attached.

She  _ had _ just been released from the hospital, though. That was a pretty valid excuse to let everything sit for at least a day or so until she’d manage to sort her thoughts out. She was sure he wouldn’t hold it against her. So, breathing a deep sigh, she left him hanging for the time being, boarding the train to head back to school.

* * *

To her relief, she didn’t run into Kazuma at school either. Or barely anyone, for that matter. Momo and Nao were both away somewhere, and Yuriko had just about been leaving the dorm when they’d briefly crossed paths. She’d given Yui a somewhat inquisitive look and quietly remarked that she looked well-rested for a change, to which Yui only giggled. As she’d hoped, she didn’t stick around to chat for longer.

Returning to the dorm and throwing herself onto the sofa felt pretty damn amazing. She’d never liked hospitals – one of the many reasons she wouldn’t have been able to bring herself to work in one despite being in the medical field. Even if she’d been unconscious for most of the experience, having to stay in one for so long had sapped her mental energy pretty bad.

How long had it been since the last time she’d had to do that…? Probably middle school, when she’d first fainted from a migraine. She could still remember it vividly. She’d spent the entire time crying her eyes out, begging the nurses to let her leave. They never caved. Only told her off for overreacting then stuck her with a sedative when she’d made it clear she wouldn’t listen.

Fortunately she could just walk out now as an adult. A plan B she could always rely on in case things went south.

She rolled over onto her back. Even though she’d only been awake for a couple hours, part of her kind of wanted to take a nap already. Not out of any physical exhaustion, just to check out of the real world for a bit… She doubted it was gonna happen, though. Insomnia aside, with the amount she’d slept last night, there was no way she was going to be able to even doze off until at least the evening. Probably not even then. Even if napping wasn’t an option, though, there was still something else she could do.

She got back onto her feet to fetch what she was looking for.

Before long, she’d gotten all cozy on the balcony with some weed. She was pretty sure the others wouldn’t appreciate having to return back home to smoke indoors, and opening the windows to air the place out would’ve just let all the heat in from the outside. So the balcony would have to do. It wasn’t like she’d ever gotten into trouble from it.

Without Kazuma, it was pretty quiet. Then again, though, she couldn’t really invite anyone else. Half the people she knew either didn’t smoke, or wouldn’t have had anything to talk about with her. She might have been able to convince Yokoyama, but she was never any fun. Not to mention she was probably staying at home with Keiji. Neither of them would have a reason to come by here for a while. Yuki, she probably would’ve had a decent chance to convince to at least try, but not only had they not talked in what felt like ages, she was pretty sure he was also still going to be away for a while.

She hummed.  _ Ah, well… _

She heard the faint sound of the door to the dorm being pulled open. At first, she assumed one of her roommates had arrived back already. Maybe to pack… Most of the others she’d heard would stick around to save on rent, but a couple people  _ would _ be staying with their families. To her surprise, though, it was actually Taka that poked his head in, taking more than a few seconds to notice her.

She cracked the door to the balcony open.

“Snoopin’ around?”

He shook his head.

“Just here to grab a game I’d lent to Nao. Don’t mind me.”

Oh, she didn’t mind. She beckoned him over playfully.

“Wanna get high?”

He paused, then cocked his head to the side.

“Unless you’re hiding edibles in your bra or something, no thank you.”

She snickered. To her surprise, though, he walked over anyway. Hands in his pockets, a kind of apprehensive tension in his body language, like he had something on his mind that he  _ kind of _ wanted to bring up, but wasn’t sure if she would appreciate.  _ Uh oh. _

Her opinion on Taka wasn’t anything special. He was just Kazuma’s nerdy little boyfriend. They’d almost never come across each other unless it was through him, and conversations between them were even rarer. She didn’t have anything against him or anything, but neither of them was particularly talkative or especially social. At most she tended to laugh at the dumb jokes he’d make in the group chat.

She wondered if he was here to get on her case for ghosting Kazuma. It was possible. She didn’t know him well enough to judge. She’d never pegged him as especially confrontational, but…

He stopped in the doorway, gesturing vaguely at the space next to her.

“Mind if I sit here for a bit?”

She shrugged. She supposed she could always just kick him out if he came here to argue. He seemed as though he wasn’t quite sure if he should take that as a no or a yes, judging by the brief flicker of exasperation on his face. In the end, though, he took a seat anyway.

“So…” she leaned on one of her hands.

“So.”

“What d’you want?”

She figured she might as well just get it over with.

He took off his glasses to clean the lenses with his shirt. To stall for time, maybe. He seemed weirdly awkward in a way she found kind of cute.

“Nothing, really.”

“That’s what they all say.”

“Uh… I guess I just wanna talk.”

“Oh yeah? ‘bout what?”

He slipped his glasses back on.

“Like, uh… are you okay?”

Before she even had the chance to  _ think _ it over, he raised his hands to signal for her to hang on for a moment.

“No, never mind, that sounds fucking weird out of nowhere like that…” he facepalmed. “Let me rephrase that.”

She didn’t say anything to interrupt. She was too surprised by the direction the conversation had taken.

“Basically,” he cleared his throat, “I’ve heard some stuff from Kazuma that raised some, uh… red flags, I guess. So… I was actually going to drop in on you later. To check up on you, I guess, but also because… well, uh, I just figured that if you needed to talk, it’d probably be easier to vent to someone that you’re, uh… not really friends with? I hope that doesn’t make me sound like an ass or anything.”

“Nah.”

“Also… uhm… I guess I thought I might be able to relate better. I know what it’s like to feel like you’re talking to a wall. Even if the wall happens to be particularly endearing in other ways.”

His voice cracked at the end, like he was trying to make a joke to lighten the mood but lost confidence in it halfway through.

She’d never seen him act like this before. Was this… normal? Was he like this when he was actually trying to engage somebody?

“Sorry. I’m not… good at sounding sincere,” he averted his gaze.

She let out a breathy laugh.

“It’s fine. I’m no good either.”

He was probably one of the last people she would’ve expected to show up like this. She wondered why he even did, when he was squirming around so much. Maybe he thought Kazuma would be sad if something were to happen to her.

That was something she normally would’ve refuted in a heartbeat. She wouldn’t have put herself in danger. Sure, she was depressed, but she wasn’t so far gone yet – or at least she didn’t feel like she was. After the previous day, though – or these last few weeks in general, actually –, she couldn’t feel as sure about it anymore. Because it did seem like she’d managed to turn her body into a wreck much sooner than expected. Or a bigger wreck than before, at least…

She would’ve thought she’d be pretty annoyed if someone were to ask about it. That’s how she’d felt before, at least. She didn’t want to be looked down upon, to be pitied like she was a damsel or a child in need of help. Like she hadn’t managed to survive just fine despite everything until now.

Somehow, though, she couldn’t bring herself to get mad at him. Maybe because she was still too drained to start picking fights with people, or maybe because his lack of confidence made it a fair bit difficult to even imagine any kind of animosity or bad faith behind his words. Or maybe she was going soft.

“That’s actually pretty sweet. Had no idea you could sound like that.”

“Y-yeah, well…” he shrugged, his expression shifting to that of embarrassment. She smirked, and he shot her a flat look. “Also, that was sincere as fuck. ‘No good’, my ass…”

She stuck her tongue out.

But she did understand what he was getting at. They weren’t friends, so there was no reason for either of them to escalate things into an emotional argument. And she wouldn’t have had to worry about making things awkward for the future. They probably weren’t going to start hanging out out of nowhere, after all. Besides, he was probably one of the few people here who was possibly on par with her with how much of a mess he was. The chances of him looking down on her for that were slim to none.

“…It’s nothin’ you should worry your cute lil’ head about. Just chronic pain bein’ a bitch as always. ‘n’ a pinch of insomnia on top.”

“Ah. Yeah, that probably sucks.”

She snorted. That was one way of putting it.

“Plus my meds haven’t been doin’ the best job helpin’ with it either. So I’ve been takin ‘em more than I should’ve.”

He breathed a small sigh.

“I know that feeling…”

“You seem like you’re doin’ better than before, at least,” she tilted her head. He blinked back at her.

“Oh, uh… yeah. I guess I am.”

“It wasn’t sarcasm.”

“I know! Just… I wasn’t expecting to hear that from you. I mean… I didn’t even think you would’ve, uh… noticed.”

“Feel like anyone with a pair of workin’ eyes would’ve.”

“Alright, damn.”

His hands were in his lap, limp. She could see him relaxing bit by bit, his posture gradually slouching over more and more.

“But yeah, I’ve been trying to take things easier lately. So… stuff isn’t as overwhelming as before.”

“Must be nice.”

He hummed, taking a moment to think.

“Why don’t you try a different medication if your current one isn’t working as well anymore?”

“Don’t wanna.”

“Why not…?”

“Don’t wanna see my doctor.”

“Uh-”

“Don’t like the guy. Too shady.”

“Oh. Why don’t you look for another doctor then?”

She pursed her lips.

“Dunno if I trust any of ‘em to not screw me over again, honestly.”

“…’Again’?”

She turned her head to look at him properly. It wasn’t really a story that she told often. Not even to the people that already knew she couldn’t see out of one of her eyes. Partially because it rarely ever came up, but also because part of her had always been kind of wary that it would open up a whole other can of worms. People telling her she’d deserved it, or that it had been her fault in some way. Or that it just couldn’t have been helped. She’d heard all that before.

She supposed she could always just punch him in the face if he tried to pull something like that. Or maybe just calmly tell him he was full of shit, more realistically.

“Dunno how much Kazu’s told you already,” she started, voice composed and quiet, “but I never knew my bio parents. So I was livin’ with foster families for a while. Most of them were pretty shitty,” she laughed, “but I’ll spare you the details.”

She brushed some of her hair behind her ear, exposing her right eye.

“Did you know that if you don’t get a brain tumor treated fast enough, it can cause permanent loss of vision? It’ll start exertin’ pressure on the optic nerve,” she tapped her head lightly with a finger, “and compress it more and more as time goes on. Scary stuff. Although it ain’t irreversible if you act in time.”

She shifted around to get into a more comfortable position, bong held loosely in her hand.

“Long story short, parents refused to get me checked out for ages, then I got misdiagnosed a bunch. Got told I was exaggeratin’ my symptoms. ‘n’ by the time surgery rolled around they couldn’t undo all the damage. So you can prolly imagine why I’m not too thrilled about doctor’s visits ‘n’ shit.”

That wasn’t the only time either. And no matter how many nurses she’d come across that were actually nice and empathetic for a change, the damage had already been done. Her trust had been broken. There was only so much she could endure.

Taka didn’t really seem to know how to reply just yet.

“No need to get all serious, Takatoo,” she lifted a hand to ruffle his hair a bit more aggressively than necessary. She snickered at the scandalized expression his face immediately shifted to.

“I’m trying my best! No bullying,” he swatted her hand away lightly, grumpily attempting to fix his hair afterwards.

It seemed like her attempt to dissolve the tension worked. Thankfully, he didn’t attempt to console her or anything either. She wouldn’t have known how to react. Instead, he pursed his lips for a moment, then adjusted his glasses slightly.

“Okay… stop me if I’m out of line, but… why don’t you ask Fujiwara-san if he can set you up with somebody? Someone you could trust, I mean…” his gaze flickered away for a moment. “I do kind of get it. Not that I could ever properly comprehend it, obviously, but I’m not the biggest fan of hospitals either. But… I think it’s probably going to be more worth it in the long run if you can get a good doc right now, you know? And Fujiwara-san is, uh…  _ decent _ . Or in my opinion, at least. So I think it’s at least worth a shot.”

He’d called an ambulance for her, so she supposed he was at least capable of the bare minimum. Even then, though, the mere thought of all the trouble that might come with it even in the best case scenario made her feel exhausted already.

Maybe she was going to give it some thought later. Not right now, that was for sure. She didn’t feel like dealing with another headache.

“You really ought to be more confident when you’re givin’ advice, y’know,” she teased him, delighted by the huff that came after.

“Excuse you. Big dick energy doesn’t grow on trees.”

“Could’ve fooled me.”

“Not everything phallic shaped is an actual penis.”

“If you’re a coward, maybe.”

He stifled a chuckle, clearly trying to mask it with little luck.

“I hate it here.”

“You started it.”

“You’re right but you don’t have to say it so loud.”

Maybe she shouldn’t have written him off like that. He could actually be pretty fun, when he was in the mood to talk. She should’ve known Kazuma wouldn’t have been dating someone with a stick up their ass for so long.

“…Hey.”

“Yeah?”

“If you hate hospitals so much, why do you work at a pharmacy?”

_ Fair enough. _ That question didn’t come entirely out of nowhere.

She thought back to all the people she’d seen turned away when she was young. Because they couldn’t afford treatment, or because they were, in some way, deemed undeserving. She thought back to all the people that weren’t saved, not because they couldn’t be, but because they were refused.

“‘Cause… I wanna help people. So, right now… this is pretty much all I can do.”

Yuriko hadn’t been wrong when she’d said she must’ve felt miserable. Still, the idea of running away didn’t sit right with her. It wasn’t like there was anything else she even wanted to do. If she were to lose the one purpose in her life, what could she have done…? Would she really have been satisfied with herself like that? She doubted it.

Taka gave her a small pat on the shoulder.

“I’m not really one to talk, but… don’t forget to take care of yourself either.”

She was tempted to give him a playful shove. Or to mess his hair up again. Maybe gently pinch his cheek.

Instead, she flashed him a somewhat bitter smile.

“I’ll give it a shot, pumpkin.”

* * *

**little ghost** Today at 5:12 PM   
henno

**lil pika** Today at 5:12 PM   
WAH omg hi!!!! i thought u were dead lol

**little ghost** Today at 5:12 PM   
nah just had to deal w some shit first lmao

**little ghost** Today at 5:12 PM   
but yea we can hang out next week

**little ghost** Today at 5:12 PM   
just lemme recover first im beat

**lil pika** Today at 5:12 PM   
:D

**lil pika** Today at 5:12 PM   
yeye!!

**little ghost** Today at 5:12 PM   
soz for neglecting u lol

**lil pika** Today at 5:12 PM   
its ok!! ik u had a lot to do

**lil pika** Today at 5:12 PM   
slash

**lil pika** Today at 5:13 PM   
have

**lil pika** Today at 5:13 PM   
dw abt it

**little ghost** Today at 5:13 PM   
ty beb

**little ghost** Today at 5:13 PM   
ur a treasure none of us deserve

**lil pika** Today at 5:13 PM   
im a bk crown

**lil pika** Today at 5:13 PM   
easy to obtain and extremely sexy

**little ghost** Today at 5:13 PM   
ok twink


	28. Dandelion

_ “Akiyama-senpai… right?” _

_ “Mmm? Whaddaya want?” _

_ “I’m Yokoyama Hiromi, the class representative of-” _

_ “Yeah, yeah… The first year shortie with the stick up their ass. I remember now. Sup?” _

_ “…I’ve been told to give ya this form. Since ya missed-” _

_ “Oh yeah, shit. Thanks, forgot ‘bout it completely.” _

_ … _

_ “I can’t believe how lax the faculty has been with disciplinin’ a delinquent like ya… This high school is a joke. I ought to let Mother know…” _

_ Snort. _

_ “Bold words from a spoiled brat.” _

_ “I am  _ not _ spoiled! It ain’t my problem that ya seem to be lackin’ in any sort of basic human decency.” _

_ “Uh huh…” _

_ “‘n’ for the record, I saw ya smokin’ behind the school this mornin’ again. I should let the teachers know so ya can be punished accordingly.” _

_ “Whaddaya care if I smoke or not?” _

_ “It’s against the rules! Not to mention you’re underage-” _

_ “Like I care.” _

_ Huff. Stomp, stomp, stomp. _

_ “Would ya let me finish  _ one _ sentence?” _

_ “Haha, wow… For someone so tiny, you’re sure full of energy.” _

_ “‘n’ stop callin’ me short! Ya… Ya…” _

_ “Yeah?” _

_ “Ya brute!” _

_ Snicker. _

_ “Oh noooo… However will I sleep tonight after hearin’ that scaldin’ insult?” _

_ “This conversation ain’t over-” _

_ “Whoops, looks like it is. Y’see my legs movin’? That’s me walkin’ away.” _

_ “But-” _

_ “Have fun bein’ a lapdog!” _

How vulgar. Despicable. Horrible. Awful.

_ You grind your teeth, wondering how your disgrace of an upperclassman hasn’t been expelled yet. His parents must be so ashamed, having raised a child like that. He will end up just like your brother, you’re sure; another worthless dreg of society, making life harder for the rest of you. Your mother will hear about this. _

* * *

It had been a long time since Yokoyama Hiromi had gotten to have a proper conversation with her older brother. Not just because she’d been fairly busy for quite a while now – although that definitely played a role –, but also due to how stiff she still felt their interactions tended to be. Even though it had been a couple years since they’d reconnected now, she still wasn’t used to how she was supposed to behave with him. So she played things safe: polite, yet somewhat distant. Honest, but reserved.

She knew things couldn’t go on like this forever. Or maybe they could, maybe she could have gotten away with it without any major consequences. But she felt sort of tired of it. Tired of feeling like they were strangers to each other. Especially with everything that had happened between them in the past… That was why she’d invited him out for some coffee, now that she finally had some time to breathe with school on a hold.

The underwater café was quite busy today – more than likely due to summer break. She would’ve thought she’d be a lot more nervous about it, but the minimal background noise actually put her at ease. It reassured her that other people wouldn’t overhear much.

Her brother, Hideki, sat across her with a plate of dessert and a cup of coffee. His hair was slicked back, still in that ridiculous spiky cut that he’d said made him look ‘cool’. She hadn’t been able to bring herself to tell him it just made him look like a downright dork. His shirt was all rumpled  _ just _ enough to bother her, with an ever so slightly crooked tie; her hands kept twitching in her lap, having to resist the urge to reach out and fix his outfit for him.

She did take notice that he’d switched to wearing contacts. She’d made the suggestion the last time he’d complained how much trouble his glasses had been giving him. The thought actually made her chest feel a tad warm. It was always a pleasant surprise when people actually listened to her advice.

“Well, uhm…” he cleared his throat, “congratulations on finishing your exams!”

“Thank you. Admittedly, I’m fairly exhausted, but at least it’s over now.”

She’d slept for almost the entire day as soon as she was free.

“I hope they went well.”

“I have high hopes.”

“Do you know when you’ll be getting your results back?”

“Sometime next week, I believe.”

“Ah, that’s nice.”

He was definitely being awkward as well; even she could tell at least this much. He never behaved like this with Keiji or any of his own friends. His fingers kept quietly drumming on the table, and he kept lifting his hands to instinctively adjust his glasses. Each time he’d realise he wasn’t wearing them anymore mid-movement, then pretend to be fixing his hair instead, his eyes flickering away in embarrassment. She never pointed it out, even though she didn’t want him to be stressing so much. He probably couldn’t help it.

The knowledge that she was still able to read him fairly well despite the distance between them was at least reassuring.

Her hands curled into loose fists. She probably ought to make her point now.

“So-” she spoke up, just as he’d also opened his mouth. They both went quiet, staring at each other for a couple seconds in silence. “…Oh, it’s alright, go ahead.”

“Oh no, it’s okay, I wasn’t…”

“I don’t mind! You can go first.”

“No, I… didn’t have anything of value to say anyway.”

He lifted a hand to start messing with his hair again.

“Sorry, I know you don’t like small talk.”

She blinked.

“I don’t mind it. That’s not anything to apologise for.”

He chuckled.

“I wish it was just that… I feel bad in general. For, uhm… this whole thing,” he made a vague gesture with his hands. “I don’t want things to feel so tense between us, I guess. I’m just not… really used to having a little sister again. Or not yet, anyway. Does that make sense?”

She understood. She understood  _ so _ clearly, so deeply, because that was exactly how she felt. She’d never thought to ask him about it, though. She was afraid it might be too presumptuous, or just a figment of her imagination, perhaps…

Maybe she should have just been blunt in the first place. What was she so scared of…?

“Yes,” she nodded, “I know the feeling. It’s not your fault, though. If anything, it’s probably mine.”

“Why would it be your fault…?”

She inadvertently averted her gaze when their eyes met.

“For abandoning you… If it weren’t for me blindly listening to mother and father back then, things might not have turned out this way.”

She heard him let out a soft sigh.

“That’s funny… I actually thought you were still upset with me because of that.”

Her head whipped back to face him.

“Why would I be upset with you?”

“Well, because… I know how much you value righteousness and all that.”

“Yes, but it’s not as if you’ve done anything wrong.”

She straightened her back.

“What happened back then… None of that was your fault. You shouldn’t blame yourself for it.”

“Drugs are still a crime, you know…”

“It’s nothing you should be thrown into jail for! Besides,” she huffed, “I can’t exactly reprimand you for something I’ve also taken part in.”

He gave her the longest, blankest stare she might’ve ever received from him before. So long, in fact, that she had to resist the urge to start uncomfortably squirming in her seat. When his voice finally came out, his lips twitched into a smile of disbelief.

“You’ve done drugs…?”

“Occasionally. Just some… weed,” she still felt  _ so _ awkward actually saying the word, she ended up whispering it, “but nothing dangerous or irresponsible. It… helps me unwind when I’m particularly stressed out.”

Granted, the first time Kageyama had asked her about it, she never would’ve thought she’d say yes. Ever. From a young age, she’d been raised to avoid these kinds of things at all cost. That was what her parents had taught her. And that anyone who would try to get her involved was an awful influence and couldn’t be trusted.

She’d ended up agreeing to it in a moment of particularly powerful desperation, after she’d gotten burnt out from her finals. Kageyama had never tried to pressure her. In fact, she’d ended up having to find him to ask, all flustered and anxious, unsure if she was about to make a mistake or not.

Since then, every once in a while she’d agree once again. Maybe just once a month, or even less… Whenever she felt like she needed a temporary escape from all her troubles. Keiji being such a heavy drinker had also probably helped her get used to the idea quite a bit.

Hideki laughed, shaking his head.

“Oh, wow… I never would’ve guessed.”

“Yes, well… I wouldn’t have either. But people change over time.”

She wondered if she’d ever be as lax as either Keiji or Kageyama when it came to discussing it, though.

“In any case,” she cleared her throat, “I’m glad that misunderstanding is out of the way now. Rest assured that I know better than to judge you for everything.”

Or at least she did  _ now _ .

His shoulders seemed to relax slightly.

“…You shouldn’t be blaming yourself either. You couldn’t have known.”

“I shouldn’t have just accepted what our parents told me.”

“You were a child. They were your parents. You had no reason to question anything they told you.”

He leaned back in his seat. His hands were folded atop the table, resting next to his half-empty cup.

“You’re very capable. I know that. And I know that you like to think that, as long as you try hard enough, you can make anything happen. But sometimes, some things are just out of your control. You can’t be responsible for everybody. You can’t save every person out there. That’s something everyone has to accept eventually, no matter how kind they are.”

She knew that. She knew that very well. And it wasn’t as though she thought of herself as all-powerful or superhuman in some way. In fact, she often tended to underestimate her own abilities, according to what her friends would always tell her.

It was just so hard to make peace with the idea. Especially when, as a young child, she’d been led to believe life was supposed to be fair for everyone. That everyone could reach happiness eventually, as long as they worked hard enough for it. She’d idolized her parents for so long for that. She’d thought them to be heroes of justice, fighting to right the wrongs of the world, putting criminals behind bars.

Part of her was still clinging to those childish ideals. She didn’t want to let go. She was afraid that if she couldn’t believe in them anymore, she would have nothing left. It was out of cowardice. But it was just so hard to allow herself to grow past them.

After a minute or so of silence, Hideki offered her his last macaron. She took it after a moment of hesitation.

“You know… you said you haven’t gotten used to having a little sister, but… just now, you were very older brother-like.”

His face turned a faint shade of pink.

“H-haha, you really think so…?”

“Yes,” she flashed a smile. “It was impressive.”

She hadn’t actually been sure if they’d manage to reach a resolution of some sort today. In fact, she still couldn’t tell if they  _ had _ … But, at the very least, it seemed as though the wall between them had become considerably thinner. And more than anything, she was just happy she was finally able to be straightforward and honest with him for a change.

She popped the macaron into her mouth.

* * *

**Yokoyama** Today at 4:23 PM   
I am so tired.

**webslinger** Today at 4:23 AM   
Yeah haha exams prolly took a lot out of you huh

**Yokoyama** Today at 4:23 PM   
Yes.

**webslinger** Today at 4:23 AM   
Has work at least been better??

**Yokoyama** Today at 4:23 PM   
It’s

**Yokoyama** Today at 4:24 PM   
The usual, I guess. It hasn’t gotten worse, at least.

**webslinger** Today at 4:24 AM   
Well at least thats nice :)

**Yokoyama** Today at 4:24 PM   
Yeah. It is bothering me a little, but there’s not really much I can do about it.

**webslinger** Today at 4:24 AM   
The game stuff??

**Yokoyama** Today at 4:24 PM   
Yes.

**Yokoyama** Today at 4:26 PM   
I’ve never been able to be as patient as I’d like or need to be. Which… isn’t good in my field.

**Yokoyama** Today at 4:27 PM   
I’m sure things will work out eventually (or at least I hope so) but I do wish there was some sort of magical way to make it happen right now.

**webslinger** Today at 4:27 AM   
Yeahh its ok i feel that

**webslinger** Today at 4:27 AM   
Everything in life is just waiting huh

**Yokoyama** Today at 4:27 PM   
Yes…

**webslinger** Today at 4:28 AM   
Well if it helps i think its pretty admirable that youre still trying!

**webslinger** Today at 4:28 AM   
I think a lot of people would just give up on this sort of stuff

**webslinger** Today at 4:28 AM   
I probably would

**Yokoyama** Today at 4:28 PM   
It’s not like anything will get done by giving up.

**webslinger** Today at 4:28 AM   
Yeah!! its that part of you that i think is really cool

**Yokoyama** Today at 4:29 PM   
Cool?

**webslinger** Today at 4:29 AM   
Yep yep

**Yokoyama** Today at 4:31 PM   
Uh, thank you. It’s a bit strange to be called that, but it’s really nice of you.

**webslinger** Today at 4:31 AM   
Np hehe

**Yokoyama** Today at 4:35 PM   
I think you are also very cool and admirable as you put it. Your ability to console others is something I’m pretty envious of. And it seems like you’re also better at picking yourself up than I am. Your optimistic attitude is pretty remarkable.

**webslinger** Today at 4:35 AM   
I dont think im that good tbh

**webslinger** Today at 4:35 AM   
At picking myself up i mean

**webslinger** Today at 4:35 AM   
I am

**webslinger** Today at 4:35 AM   
Kinda mopey with a lot of stuff

**webslinger** Today at 4:36 AM   
But thanks tho lol

**webslinger** Today at 4:36 AM   
I am trying to be more open with stuff now

**webslinger** Today at 4:36 AM   
Idk if itll last but yknow

**Yokoyama** Today at 4:36 PM   
I do know. I can sympathize with that.

**Yokoyama** Today at 4:38 PM   
I think most people can…? To varying extent, but still. At least based on the people I know.

**webslinger** Today at 4:38 AM   
Yeah prolly

**webslinger** Today at 4:38 AM   
I think youre still better at it than i am tho

**Yokoyama** Today at 4:38 PM   
Am I???

**webslinger** Today at 4:38 AM   
Yeah! imo at least

**webslinger** Today at 4:38 AM   
Like idk i think ur being too harsh on urself i think ur plenty good at getting ur feelings across

**webslinger** Today at 4:38 AM   
When it matters anyway

**webslinger** Today at 4:39 AM   
I think its super awesome how you can be really open abt it when u care abt stuff

**webslinger** Today at 4:39 AM   
Even if itll turn some ppl off

**Yokoyama** Today at 4:39 PM   
I guess that part is true.

**webslinger** Today at 4:39 AM   
Yeeeee

**webslinger** Today at 4:39 AM   
One sec dad is calling for me

**Yokoyama** Today at 4:40 PM   
Ok.

**Yokoyama** Today at 4:52 PM   
Let’s go out drinking sometime. If you’re feeling up to it, that is.

**webslinger** Today at 4:57 AM   
Hahaha sure

* * *

“So you’re not going?”

Fujinomiya had called her up for an update in regards to the legal proceedings. Hiromi had to regretfully inform her that not much progress had been made, but she was sure Fujinomiya was well aware of that. She must have been hoping for a miracle of some kind, just like her. If only she could’ve given her one.

Before she could’ve ended the call, Hiromi had asked her if she was planning on attending the beach trip. The long silence had told her all she needed to know.

“It’s not as though I can make you. Don’t you think it would do you some good to take it easy every once in a while, though?”

She supposed she wasn’t one to talk, with her working habits and all. She was more than ready for Fujinomiya to call her out for it as well. She didn’t, though, strangely enough. She only sighed at the other end of the line, speaking up after a couple more seconds of hesitation.

“Sorry. There are just too many things on my mind right now. I’m not sure I  _ could _ relax even if I tried.”

Hiromi understood that. In that regard, her and Fujinomiya were very much alike. She had everyone else to tell her off for it, though – Keiji, Takahashi, Tsutsui, Hayama, Sakurauchi, Kageyama… so on and so forth.  _ Somebody _ had to do it for Fujinomiya.

“It’s not as if I’ll die if I skip out on a few outings,” Fujinomiya said firmly. “Your concern isn’t necessary.”

“Aren’t we friends, Fujinomiya-san…?”

“…Yes. We are. I think.”

“We are. So, as your friend and your senior, it’s my job to worry about you.”

“I don’t see what age has to do with it. I’m fine, by the way. I’ve had worse.”

“You are so awfully stubborn.”

“I could say the same to you.”

That said, was merely nagging her about it really going to accomplish anything…? Most likely not. She knew Fujinomiya didn’t like being talked down to, and while that wasn’t what she’d intended, she wouldn’t have been surprised if she’d ended up sounding like that regardless. If only she was her mother or older sister, maybe then Fujinomiya would have been more eager to listen…

“If a group activity isn’t to your liking, how about a dinner with drinks sometime? Or karaoke. You like karaoke, don’t you?”

“I… do, yeah.”

“It can just be one afternoon. You can leave early if you like. Just stay for a bit. Take your mind off everything and relax.”

Fujinomiya’s reply felt like it took ages to arrive. Hiromi was almost starting to wonder if she was just going to say no again. To her surprise and relief, though, it seemed like she’d managed to get through at least a little.

“…Okay. I don’t know if it’ll help, but-”

“You won’t know until you try.”

“…Yeah. Not  _ right now _ , though.”

“Yes. Of course. I do need some time to wind down as well.”

She heard Fujinomiya hum.

“I’m sorry for being so difficult. I know you probably have enough on your plate already.”

Hiromi straightened her back instinctively, even though Fujinomiya couldn’t see her.

“Don’t say that. It’s not your fault if you’re struggling. I’m sorry for being overbearing as well.”

For a moment, she thought Fujinomiya may have laughed. She wasn’t completely sure, but…

“It’s okay. I don’t think you’re overbearing.”

“Oh…”

“You can be pretty rigid with a lot of things, but I don’t think this is one of them.”

“Well, uhm… Thank you. I’m glad to hear that.”

She briefly glanced at her watch.

“It’s getting pretty late, by the way. You should head to bed soon.”

“You first.”

“I… Yes, I was planning on it.”

That was  _ definitely _ a chuckle this time.

“I better not see you online later.”

“You won’t, Yokoyama-san. Because you’ll be asleep, right?”

She was so close to giving a matter-of-factly reply to that. She felt her face heat up a little. Even though Fujinomiya was considerably younger than her, it was difficult to feel like that at times. Although she supposed Fujinomiya wasn’t the only one she felt this way about.

“…Thank you, though,” Fujinomiya added, voice lower than before. “For humoring me, and for the concern. Even if I don’t think it was justified.”

“You’re… welcome.”

Of all things, she wasn’t expecting a thank you after all that. She was glad, though. She would’ve felt bad if she’d only managed to worsen Fujinomiya’s mood.

It didn’t take much longer for the call to be over after that. With brows furrowed in concern, Hiromi continued staring at the screen for a couple more minutes, as though it was somehow going to answer all her questions for her.

This really wasn’t helping with the stress. Not that it was Fujinomiya’s fault – of course not –, but it still served as a reminder how awfully inefficient…  _ everything _ about the situation seemed to be. Was there really nothing else she could do?

Chewing on her bottom lip, she flopped face down onto the mattress. Why, oh why could she not possess her parents’ influence…? Things would have been going so much smoother if she’d had their help… Her parents wouldn’t have seen this as a worthy issue, though. She was sure of that.

She shrieked as the covers were thrust over her head, plunging her into darkness, scaring the daylights out of her momentarily. Grumpily clambering out from underneath them, she was met with the sight of Keiji grinning mischievously, standing nonchalantly by the foot of the bed.

She promptly threw a pillow at his face.


	29. Daisy

_ You’ve always liked the idea of travelling, even though you’ve never even been to a beach. The idea of exploring the world with some friends just sounds like so much fun. Even if it’s not  _ too _ far, like Okinawa or Yakushima… It’s not like you’re asking for America or anything. Although it  _ would _ be really neat to go somewhere overseas too… You speak enough foreign languages that you would probably get by. _

_ Travelling is really expensive, though, isn’t it… And you don’t have any friends to invite either anyway. Plus, even if you can speak to people, you wouldn’t have the courage to make any foreign friends anyway… You find them a bit too intimidating to talk to them on your own. You’re always scared you’ll say something stupid. _

_ Still, though… You also can’t bring yourself to just throw the goal away completely. Who knows, maybe when you’re older you’ll have some people you could bring along. Maybe by then you’ll have a job too. One that pays well, hopefully… _

_ Until then, you vent your wishes through poetry that nobody will ever see. _

* * *

“I know I’ve said this before, but… you sure like to hang out here a lot, Nakajima-san.”

Once again, Minamoto Setsuko was visiting Rena’s apartment. She’d been surprised to run into Nakajima even during summer break - she would’ve thought he’d be at home spending time with his family.

Then again, more people ended up staying at the dorms than she’d expected. All her roommates were still around, and so was Natsurin. They probably had their own reasons, though she hadn’t really asked – she wasn’t sure if it would be a sensitive topic to bring up or not, and she didn’t want to risk her friends getting annoyed with her. She didn’t have those kinds of worries with Nakajima, fortunately. Maybe because he felt a lot more like a teacher or supervisor of some kind even now.

She assumed he was about to scold her at first based on the way he immediately frowned, but he actually gave her a genuine reply.

“I like it here. And Rena-nee and I are both fairly used to it… We’ve known each other for long enough.”

It must have been nice, having a childhood friend like that… Yuki was probably the only one even remotely close to that for her, and even then, they really hadn’t been friends for that long at all. And Nakajima was anything but a normie, which made it even more confusing how he’d managed something like that.

She let out a sigh.

“I’m jealous… Being able to just hop over to someone else’s place like that sounds so fun…”

“Aren’t you quite close to Takahashi-kun?”

“Yeah, but not like  _ that _ … You guys seem almost joined at the hip or something. It’s still so hard to believe you aren’t dating…”

Nakajima’s frown deepened.

“For the last time, Minamoto-san, that wouldn’t be very appropriate. I’m far too old for her.”

“You’re not  _ that _ old…”

“While I appreciate that you’re finally willing to admit that,” he crossed his arms, “I meant it in relative terms. There are 5 years between us. When we first met, she was still a child, and I was almost an adult. I’m not the kind of person that would take advantage of someone like that.”

Well now, she wasn’t trying to imply something like  _ that _ …

“But you’re both adults now, right? So there shouldn’t be any issues.”

“Just because something is legal doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s okay.”

“I mean, yeah. But-”

“You may not be able to see this right now, since you’re still fairly young,” he cut her off, in a tone both calm and firm, “but 5 years is a pretty significant gap in maturity, especially at your age. Of course it’s less of an issue later in life when you’re older, but… For example, Minamoto-san, would you want to be in a relationship with a 16-year-old?”

She grimaced.

“Ew. No.”

“Why not?” he tilted his head. “It’s almost half of the 5 year gap we were discussing. And in many places, the age of consent is 16. So… why wouldn’t you?”

She paused.

She… really hadn’t thought of it like that before. She’d never felt uncomfortable with the thought of dating someone way older than her, even when she’d been much younger. If she’d been asked if she would’ve liked to date a 19-year-old at age 16, she would’ve immediately said yes. But now, she couldn’t even fathom the idea of it. But why? It was only 3 years, it really wasn’t  _ that _ much… And yet, when suddenly she was the older one in question, those 3 years felt like an immediate dealbreaker.

She thought back to the lecture Yuzuru had given her. Maybe… she’d been in the wrong for brushing him off like that. Maybe she should have given it more thought. Was this how he’d felt when she’d asked him out? No wonder he’d rejected her so fast…

She bit her lip.

“Ugh… I guess you got me.”

And with that, the frown disappeared.

“It’s alright. Sometimes it takes a while to understand these kinds of things. It’s a part of growing up.”

“…Did you ever have any trouble with them, Nakajima-san?”

His hands dropped back down to his sides. He seemed to hesitate for a couple seconds, his fingers playing with the fabric of his kimono.

“You could say that,” he finally said with a small nod.

Before she could ask him to elaborate, Rena returned, poking her head back out into the living room.

“I’m ready now, Setsuko-chan! I hope you’re prepared!”

Setsuko stiffened, remembering the reason she’d come to visit in the first place.

Yuzuru had told her that they were all planning to go to the beach together. Partially to celebrate that exams were finally over, but mostly just to hang out and have some fun. And, without taking the time to consider what that meant, she’d said yes right away, only realising a few hours later that not only did this mean that she’d have to buy a swimsuit, she doubted if she could even find one that hid her figure – or lack thereof – to her liking. She’d been planning on getting a part-time job to prepare for these kinds of occasions, yes, but she hadn’t exactly had time to find one yet.

When she’d chatted Rena up about it, she’d only expected her to give her some basic advice. She hadn’t actually been expecting her to offer to buy one for her. She should’ve at least suspected it, considering she’d lent her clothes before, but it still took a considerable amount of convincing on Rena’s part before she could bring herself to accept it. She’d come over so she could try on whatever she’d found for her… and to finally give her the gift she’d made for her flustered as she was feeling about it. Maybe she was worrying about nothing, since everyone else had seemed to like theirs, but still… And even aside from that…

Even though Rena had already seen her in her underwear, she found herself feeling nervous about it yet again. Maybe not quite so much as the first time they’d done this, but she would’ve thought she’d have gotten over it by now.

She took a deep breath. Nakajima silently motioned for her to go ahead, and she did her best to squash down all her self doubt as she followed Rena back to her room. It would be over before she knew it, she told herself. How long could it possibly take on to try a swimsuit?

Stepping inside, she noted the mannequins Rena had set up, each of them displaying a different swimsuit. Right; she most likely still had to pick one for herself. Being so fashion-minded, it made sense why she’d have so many different ones lying around.

Stopping in the middle of the room, Setsuko turned back to look at her.

“So, uhm… which one is mine?”

Closing the door behind them, Rena clasped her hands together.

“Actually… since I still had your measurements from before, I figured it’d be easier to just make you one myself. And, well… I might’ve gotten just a teensy tiny bit carried away.”

On what planet could that be considered easier…?

“So… all of these are yours! Feel free to try on all of them and pick whichever suits your fancy.”

_ Huh!? _

She wasn’t being sarcastic, was she? Setsuko knew she could be a little dense with jokes at times, but she could’ve sworn Rena sounded completely genuine. But that couldn’t have been right… It must’ve been  _ so _ much work to sew all of these, after all! There was no way she would have just given them to her for free…

“Rena-neesan… You know I can’t afford something like this-”

“Oh, don’t be silly. Consider it a gift!” she spread her arms. “You need multiple pairs anyway in case something happens to one.”

“But-”

“Nu-uh! The only but I want to see is your butt getting into these.”

She didn’t seem like she was going to budge. Although from what she’d been told by the others, this kind of thing for her was fairly standard.

Admittedly, Setsuko would have felt pretty bad if she’d put all this work into it just for her to end up throwing it all right back in her face. Even if she felt like she didn’t deserve so many gifts from her, it would have been pretty rude to refuse… She doubted she would’ve been able to summon up the same courage she’d found in herself when she’d returned the gift Natsurin had given her.

Could her gift measure up compared to this at all? Not likely. But it was still better than nothing, she supposed, so thank the heavens she’d brought it with her.

“…You can be so mean sometimes,” she grumbled.

Rena giggled.

* * *

**stan ayano** Today at 3:02 PM   
excusez moi

**stan ayano** Today at 3:02 PM   
would you happen to know if izumin will be coming 2 the beach  _ (edited) _

**tamatama** Today at 3:02 PM   
GREMLIN BASTARD

**tamatama** Today at 3:02 PM   
Omg

**stan ayano** Today at 3:02 PM   
LISTEN DUDE IM JUST TRYNA BE POLITE

**tamatama** Today at 3:02 PM   
Looool

**tamatama** Today at 3:02 PM   
But idk

**tamatama** Today at 3:03 PM   
Unless one of you invited him

**stan ayano** Today at 3:03 PM   
oh

**stan ayano** Today at 3:03 PM   
are you guys like

**tamatama** Today at 3:04 PM   
Yeah we arent friends anymore

**stan ayano** Today at 3:04 PM   
not good rn???

**stan ayano** Today at 3:04 PM   
AIGHT

**stan ayano** Today at 3:04 PM   
POGGERS

**stan ayano** Today at 3:04 PM   
or uh

**stan ayano** Today at 3:04 PM   
sorry i guess?? if ur upset about it

**tamatama** Today at 3:04 PM   
Its ok it was my decision :>

**stan ayano** Today at 3:04 PM   
fuck yeah

**stan ayano** Today at 3:05 PM   
no offense but the dude was an absolute tool

**tamatama** Today at 3:05 PM   
Yeah haha

**tamatama** Today at 3:05 PM   
I was just being stubborn

**tamatama** Today at 3:05 PM   
I wanted to do the right thing i guess i felt like i was obligated to stick around to be a good friend and stuff

**tamatama** Today at 3:05 PM   
But tbh now im just glad i dont have to worry about it anymore

**tamatama** Today at 3:05 PM   
It was kind of killing me ngl

**tamatama** Today at 3:06 PM   
Haha

**stan ayano** Today at 3:06 PM   
yea man i have no idea how u lasted so long hasjkhsjak id have fuckin punted him into the sun

**stan ayano** Today at 3:06 PM   
but yea anyways im poy

**stan ayano** Today at 3:06 PM   
i hope ull enjoy urself w us >:3c were dragging taka out of his cave for it too, it should b fun

**tamatama** Today at 3:06 PM   
Thanks!! im sure i will <3

* * *

She hadn’t prepared for the fitting to take  _ this _ long, but she supposed she also hadn’t expected Rena to prepare multiple selections for her. And pushy as she could be in certain ways, she really was considerate when it came to her tastes and comfort level. Just as she’d requested, she hadn’t prepared anything even remotely skimpy. One of them she’d even mistaken for a sundress before Rena had revealed that it was, in fact, another swimsuit. Rena had teased her for her surprised reaction. It was pretty embarrassing.

But she also hadn’t minded it so much. It made her chest feel all fuzzy in a way. Guilty as she felt for all the trouble she felt she was causing her, she couldn’t deny that she loved being fussed over like this. Especially when, unlike the makeup artists at the Game, Rena was always so sweet, so nice, and so patient. Like she was enjoying herself just as much as her. Like she was helping out not as a favor, but because she wanted to. Maybe she could actually come to like clothes shopping as well, as long as it was with her. Now if only she had the money for it…

She spent a couple minutes in each swimsuit. Rena dutifully turned away each time she changed without her even needing to ask, waiting for her to give her the okay before she would turn back. And after each one she’d try on, she would shower her in compliments one after another. Maybe she shouldn’t have been so flustered by all the attention – she was just complimenting her own work, wasnt she? –, but, by the end, Setsuko had been reduced to a blushing, stuttering mess. She wondered how Rena was able to say these kinds of things with a straight face so easily. Was it because of the mask she always wore…?

Hopefully she wasn’t sweating too much. She wouldn’t have been able to live if Rena remarked on it…

She’d left the sundress one for last. Mostly because she fell in love with it at first sight, and she figured she’d want to spend a longer time in it than the others. She’d never worn anything like this before – the last time she’d worn a dress was when she’d still been a little child. She owned skirts, sure, but none of them were especially cute, and they all went far below her knees.

She couldn’t remember the last time she’d worn something that showed off her legs in any way. She was feeling pretty self-conscious. But Rena had gotten her measurements right; the swimsuit fit her perfectly… Did that mean she’d made the skirt short on purpose? Would this kind of look even suit her…? She had such a hard time looking at herself in the mirror Rena had set up for her.

“Rena-neesan…”

“Ooh, do you like this one? I knew you would like this one! It was actually the last one I made… I got the idea for it after I was already finished with the others – figures… I thought the style would suit you! I always thought you’d look cute in-”

“T-that’s not it- I mean, I like it…! But, uhm… this skirt…”

She tugged on the fabric shyly. Was she just being silly? She was an adult; she shouldn’t have felt so awkward wearing something like this. What was she, a nun…?

Rena placed her hands on her shoulders.

“I know, I know… You don’t have to wear it if you don’t want to. But you have such long, pretty legs, like a model! I thought it’d be a shame if at least one of these didn’t show them off.”

Setsuko let out a squeak.

But her legs were stick thin! What was there to like…? Were they… Were they really…  _ pretty _ ? Like… Like… a model!? Surely not… There was no way that someone like her would have been compared to a model, she must have just misheard that… She must have…!

She could feel her face heating up even more, as if she hadn’t already spent the last hour being red as a tomato. To think that she’d receive a compliment like that… Rena wasn’t lying, was she? Was she just trying to make her feel better? God, she would have been crushed if that turned out to be the case…

Rena poked her cheek.

“Aww, it’s okay! I meant it, you know. Don’t you wanna show them off too?”

Did she!? Did she want to show them off-? The idea felt so alien to her. She’d never even considered it before. And how could she have? She’d never thought of herself as attractive. People were supposed to show off their looks to attract a partner, but nobody would have wanted to hit on her anyway, so she’d never seen the point…

She was just so scared. Scared that she was going to be made fun of for trying to look nice. For trying to look…  _ cute _ . But her friends were all nice, she reminded herself. They wouldn’t have made fun of her for that. And they weren’t all super fashionable either, were they? Yuzuru aside, all Taka ever wore were the most unremarkable borderline NEET-esque outfits, and Kazuma, confidently as he rocked all his outfits, everyone seemed to think was a fashion disaster. They wouldn’t have cared what she decided to wear. Even if she were to dress in something outright ridiculous, they wouldn’t have gotten on her case for it.

“…I don’t know… I-it’s just- You know, I’m not- I- I’m not used to this sort of thing-”

But if Rena thought she looked cute… If she thought it’d look good on her, maybe she could give it a shot. She was so picky with clothing, after all… She doubted she would have lied about something like this, even to cheer her up.

“Aahhh, geez, I’ll make my mind up sooner or later so just give me some space…” she whined, repeatedly pulling on the fabric out of frustration. To her relief, Rena signed an ‘okay’ – she was probably going to have to spend quite a while back at the dorm, brainstorming in the bathroom.

Was she also supposed to wear makeup-? No, of course not… The water would’ve just washed it right off; what a dumb thought. And her hair was going to get all wet anyway even if she was careful, so she didn’t need to worry about trying to style it or anything. But did she need… a hat? What about her glasses? Actually… on second thought, it wasn’t like she was  _ that _ blind… She could just leave them on the shore, right…?

She yelped when Rena squished her cheeks.

“By the way, Setsuko-chan…”

“Y-yes?”

“Have you put on some weight…? I feel like your proportions were slightly different the last time… or maybe I’m just imagining things.”

“Eh-?”

Has she…? She hadn’t really had the courage to approach any of her friends about her issues with eating, nor an actual specialized professional, but she  _ had _ been seeking Fujiwara’s help, and she felt like she’d actually managed to make at least some amount of progress. Nobody else had remarked on it, though…

Then again, Rena was probably used to having to measure people. Maybe she just had a keen eye for this sort of thing.

“Oh, uhm, I’ve been eating better recently… or at least trying to. So that might be why.”

“I see! Well,” Rena pinched the fabric lightly, “it’s nothing major, so it shouldn’t cause any problems with the fit. If you end up growing out of it at any point, though, just let me know and I’ll see what I can do about it!”

That was so sweet of her, even if Setsuko doubted it would ever come to that. She hadn’t really thought to worry about it until Rena had brought it up – she’d stopped growing height-wise a while back, and her weight hadn’t really changed drastically at all throughout her life, so it had been a long, long time since she’d had any issues fitting into any of her clothes. It definitely would’ve been something she would’ve loved to have to worry about right now, though.

“By the way… Rena-neesan.”

“Hm?”

“I actually, uhm… happen to have something to give you!”

_ If you don’t mind _ , but she swallowed that last bit before it could leave her lips. She knew how ridiculous it would’ve sounded.

Rena’s eyes lit up.

“Oho? You do? Show me, show me!”

An overly excited reaction. One that she didn’t expect, but appreciated nevertheless. Despite that, her nerves were still shot as she fumbled through her belongings to find what she was looking for. She’d needed Nao’s help to make it in the end, something that she didn’t end up feeling as bad about as she would’ve thought, considering how much fun Nao seemed to have had with it.

Holding it in her hands gently and carefully, she held out a small jar of bath bombs for Rena to take. When Rena leapt into her arms out of nowhere, she immediately panicked, genuinely sure she was about to drop them. Thankfully all she managed was smack them both in the chest with it.

“Ow-”

“W-waah, Rena-neesan, I’m sorry-”

“Oh no no, it’s okay! My bad! I’m sorry, Setsuko-chan,” she quickly released her from her deathgrip, reaching out with both hands to squish her face instead. “But that’s  _ so _ cute and sweet! Thank you so much!”

Nao did say she’d ‘totes be in love’, but Setsuko didn’t think she’d actually meant it to this extent. She should’ve heeded it as a warning. Having a cute girl swoon in front of her like this was surely going to be the death of her.

From the distance, she heard the doorbell ring. Thank the heavens, it was enough to cause all the squishing and pinching to stop for the time being.

“Ah,” Rena snapped to attention, “we might be out of time.”

“I-it’s okay… Are you meeting with somebody?”

She did think Rena was dressed up awfully cute for just a fitting session.

Rena nodded.

“It’s a date, actually,” she giggled, to which Setsuko gasped.

A date…! So Rena  _ was _ popular enough to regularly go on dates after all… She’d guessed as much, but she’d never really gotten confirmation.

She changed back into her regular clothes so fast, she almost maimed herself a couple times in the process. Rena told her she didn’t need to hurry, but, little did she know, she was only in a rush because she was so curious to see who she was going to be taken out by. It was normal to be curious about this sort of thing, right…? It wasn’t like she was going to tell anybody! Well… maybe aside from Yuzuru or Yuki.

Nakajima must have let the visitor in, because the bell didn’t ring again.

When she finally stepped back out into the living room, she was surprised to see Momo standing in the hall, patiently waiting around. So it wasn’t Rena’s date that arrived after all…? Setsuko greeted her cheerfully, if a little disappointed that she didn’t get to snoop.

A moment later, though, Rena flew past her, right into Momo’s arms.  _ Huh. _

It was only after the two of them had left that she thought to ask Nakajima about it.

“They’ve been in a relationship for a while now,” he raised a brow. “I thought you knew.”

Oh.  _ Oh… _

Was that what Rena had meant when she’d told her she already had somebody she liked? Perhaps it was her fault for not being sharp enough to pick up on it. She tilted her head as she tried to recall as much as she could manage.

Alright… In hindsight, that did explain why the two of them kept sneaking off on their own when they’d all hung out at the festival together. At the time, she’d just accepted it without thinking too hard about it. But… how nice. So Rena got her crush to go out with her, huh… If only she could be that lucky. But then again… It wasn’t like she had anyone she was especially interested in right now. Not anymore.

She bid farewell to Nakajima with many things on her mind.

* * *

**taka b miya** Today at 7:03 PM   
you know

**taka b miya** Today at 7:03 PM   
okinawa wouldve been nice

**taka b miya** Today at 7:03 PM   
im just saying

**taka b miya** Today at 7:03 PM   
if ur gonna hold me hostage why cant we do anything actually exciting

**lil pika (kazuma)** Today at 7:03 PM   
okinawa would be rlly cool!! :D

**stan ayano (yuzuru)** Today at 7:04 PM   
if ur offering to pay for the plane tickets and lodging

**minamoto** Today at 7:04 PM   
u can pay for mine

**taka b miya** Today at 7:04 PM   
bruh

**lil pika (kazuma)** Today at 7:04 PM   
i wouldnt mind paying for some people next time

**taka b miya** Today at 7:04 PM   
oh my god

**minamoto** Today at 7:04 PM   
omg

**minamoto** Today at 7:05 PM   
DSKDLS DONT ACTUALLY ILL FEEL BAD

**lil pika (kazuma)** Today at 7:04 PM   
:DD????

**minamoto** Today at 7:05 PM   
*bonks u*

**minamoto** Today at 7:05 PM   
ill just save up on my own if it comes to that

**minamoto** Today at 7:05 PM   
i rlly want a part time job anyway

**stan ayano (yuzuru)** Today at 7:05 PM   
i mean as like a future thing itd be cool yee

**stan ayano (yuzuru)** Today at 7:05 PM   
ive never been to okinawa

**minamoto** Today at 7:05 PM   
me neither

**lil pika (kazuma)** Today at 7:06 PM   
ive been once w my fam it was p cool!

**taka b miya** Today at 7:06 PM   
ok no need to flex

**lil pika (kazuma)** Today at 7:06 PM   
:D

**stan ayano (yuzuru)** Today at 7:06 PM   
man

**stan ayano (yuzuru)** Today at 7:06 PM   
if were bringing up actual future plans and stuff

**stan ayano (yuzuru)** Today at 7:06 PM   
america would be so fucking cool

**stan ayano (yuzuru)** Today at 7:06 PM   
or europe i guess

**stan ayano (yuzuru)** Today at 7:07 PM   
but mostly america

**lil pika (kazuma)** Today at 7:07 PM   
hehe

**stan ayano (yuzuru)** Today at 7:07 PM   
u should smuggle us with u the next time u go home

**stan ayano (yuzuru)** Today at 7:07 PM   
isnt canada like right next to it

**minamoto** Today at 7:07 PM   
oh my fucking god

**stan ayano (yuzuru)** Today at 7:07 PM   
what

**minamoto** Today at 7:07 PM   
10/10 geography skills

**minamoto** Today at 7:08 PM   
where else would it be

**stan ayano (yuzuru)** Today at 7:08 PM   
LOOK

**stan ayano (yuzuru)** Today at 7:08 PM   
I DONT NORMALLY NEED TO KNOW THIS STUFF OK FUCK OFF

**minamoto** Today at 7:08 PM   
LMAOOO OK LOSER

**taka b miya** Today at 7:08 PM   
yuzuru

**stan ayano (yuzuru)** Today at 7:08 PM   
taka

**taka b miya** Today at 7:08 PM   
ur brain is so huge

**taka b miya** Today at 7:09 PM   
how do u do it

**taka b miya** Today at 7:09 PM   
tell me ur secrets

**stan ayano (yuzuru)** Today at 7:09 PM   
i fucked ur mom

**minamoto** Today at 7:09 PM   
god i wish that was me

**taka b miya** Today at 7:09 PM   
i fucking hate it here

**lil pika (kazuma)** Today at 7:09 PM   
me just vibing in the corner while yall are being horny:

**taka b miya** Today at 7:10 PM   
ive never been horny a day before in my life and you know this

**lil pika (kazuma)** Today at 7:10 PM   
idk man that anime u were watching last night looked pretty spicy

**lil pika (kazuma)** Today at 7:10 PM   
the jiggle physics were off the charts

**taka b miya** Today at 7:10 PM   
IM WATCHING IT FOR THE PLOT!!! OKAY

**taka b miya** Today at 7:10 PM   
THE PLOT

**taka b miya** Today at 7:10 PM   
IVE NEVER WILLINGLY LOOKED AT A BOOB BEFORE U KNOW THIS!!!!!!!!

**minamoto** Today at 7:10 PM   
for research purposes

**taka b miya** Today at 7:10 PM   
kill me please end my suffering

**minamoto** Today at 7:10 PM   
what anime are we talking about

**lil pika (kazuma)** Today at 7:11 PM   
uhhh

**lil pika (kazuma)** Today at 7:11 PM   
i dont remember the name tbh i just glanced at it for 2 seconds

**lil pika (kazuma)** Today at 7:11 PM   
i just remember the girl had the biggest rack ive ever seen

**taka b miya** Today at 7:11 PM   
occultic nine

**taka b miya** Today at 7:11 PM   
i think its a light novel adaptation

**stan ayano (yuzuru)** Today at 7:13 PM   
HELP WTF UR RIGHT

**minamoto** Today at 7:13 PM   
HEWP

**stan ayano (yuzuru)** Today at 7:13 PM   
I THOGUHT U WERE EXAGGERATING WHAT THE FUCK!!!

**stan ayano (yuzuru)** Today at 7:13 PM   
her tits look like they have their own gravitational pull

**minamoto** Today at 7:13 PM   
its my true form

**stan ayano (yuzuru)** Today at 7:13 PM   
she does kinda look like you but like dummy thicc

**lil pika (kazuma)** Today at 7:13 PM   
me coming back from the gym

**taka b miya** Today at 7:14 PM   
u know what

**taka b miya** Today at 7:14 PM   
ur right and i hate it

**minamoto** Today at 7:14 PM   
>:3c


	30. Sunflower

_ “Oi, Chiba… You’re graduating this year, right?” _

_ “Y-yes!” _

_ “You need me to tutor you again? High school entrance exams are no small potatoes, you know.” _

_ “Not at all, senpai! You’ve already helped me out so much, it wouldn’t be right to take advantage of you even more. Besides, this much, I can handle.” _

_ “I see…” _

_ “Plus… you’re studying for your college entrance exams, right?” _

_ “Oh, well… yeah.” _

_ “…Is something wrong?” _

_ “Nah, not really. Just… thinking about the future, I guess.” _

_ “The future?” _

_ “I’m gonna miss seeing you guys.” _

_ “Huh? But we can still meet whenever, right? We’ll all still be in Tokyo.” _

_ “I guess… It won’t really be the same, though. I’ll miss… the gang. We won’t really have time to hang out much. I bet everyone will be all straight-laced by the time we meet up again too. Hah…” _

_ … _

_ “College sounds like it sucks…” _

_ “It’s important, Chiba.” _

_ “…You always say that…” _

_ “Yeah, ‘cause it’s true.” _

_ … _

_ “…You guys are my only friends, though. What am I gonna do if we can’t hang out anymore?” _

_ “You’ll make more friends. You’re a good kid. It shouldn’t be too hard.” _

_ “That’s not true… People always call me a weirdo. Just because-” _

_ “Hey. Don’t worry so much about that, yeah? Use your instincts to find someone who’s not a jackass. Someone nice.” _

_ “Someone nice…” _

_ Thud. _

_ “You’ll be just fine. I know it. You trust your senpai’s judgement, don’t you?” _

_ “Y-yes…! Of course!” _

_ “Good.” _

_ Ruffle ruffle. _

_ “Don’t let anyone take advantage of you, and stand up for what you believe in. That’s the best advice I can give you.” _

_ “Right…” _

_ “Take care of yourself, little guy.” _

* * *

“Are you sure your Snow White ass is gonna be fine?”

“Oh, fuck off. You’re one to talk. You’re, like, half a shade darker than me.”

Not that the concern would’ve been unwarranted. Chiba Yuzuru knew all too well his skin was ridiculously sensitive. In his entire life, he’d never been able to tan. He had, however, been sunburnt plenty enough to where he’d grown to be cautious and careful. He rarely wore clothes too revealing during the summer until after the sun had already gone down, and he’d gotten into the habit of carrying sunscreen on him at all times. Still, though, he doubted Taka meant it.

“Will the children pipe down and let me focus?” Setsuko shot them a flat look. She held her phone in her hands; she’d begged for map duty before they’d gotten going, and though Yuzuru had had his reservations, he’d caved from how enthusiastically she’d asked.

Even now, despite the serious attitude she was trying to convey, it was clear she was incredibly excited just from how much her hands kept shaking. Or maybe she was just nervous. Or… maybe a bit of both. It was still hard to tell with her sometimes. She’d rambled pretty cheerfully the previous day in Yuzuru’s DMs.

Her cheeks were flushed.

“Taka can actually tan, y’know,” Kazuma piped up.

Yuzuru rolled his eyes.

“So he’s just sun-deprived.”

“Pretty much.”

“It’s fine,” Taka shrugged. “I’m not planning on staying for too long anyway.”

_ Figures. _ It had been hard enough to convince him to agree to come in the first place. Yuzuru wasn’t going to hold him at gunpoint to force him.

Kazuma hooked an arm around Taka’s shoulder.

“Aww, don’t be like that! Get them vitamins!”

“So I can look like your dorky ass? No, thank you.”

Due to shades being a pretty major element of his fashion sense, Kazuma had developed a tan over these last few weeks that was, just as Taka had said, pretty freaking dorky. He didn’t seem to mind, though. And… honestly, silly as he looked, Yuzuru still found himself feeling a little envious.  _ Lucky bastard. _

_ _

Setsuko gave his arm a yank, which he took as a sign that they were resuming walking. They were meeting everyone else at the beach. They’d taken the train all the way out here, and had decided to just walk the rest of the way. There wasn’t much left anyway. If he returned home with  _ another  _ freaking sunburn… well, he was going to be pretty mad. He supposed he’d just have to stick to the shade while on land.

“Have any of you guys gotten your exum results back yet, by the way?” Setsuko glanced back at them.

Yuzuru puffed his chest out.

“Yep! Nailed every single one. Bask in my glory, peons.”

Fortunately, as he’d hoped, nobody brought up how much his nerves had been killing him right until his results had arrived. Just before he’d checked them, he’d genuinely thought he was going to throw up too.

“Oh, me too!” she beamed.  _ Fine _ , so maybe his achievement was a little less impressive… but at least he was doing way better than in high school…! The lack of English definitely helped pull up his grade average.

“Nerds,” Taka called out from the back. Knowing him, he probably at least passed all of them. His grades always tended to vary based on how much effort he felt like putting into studying at the moment.

Yuzuru stuck his tongue out at him, and Setsuko followed suit.

“What about Kazuma-san?”

“Me?” Kazuma tilted his head with an innocent smile. “Haven’t checked yet. It’s prolly fine though.”

“Eehh…” she frowned. “I could never do that. What if you failed one and you have to repeat the course?”

“Mmmm… Dunno, guess it’s possible. But I’ve never had to do that before. I’m usually pretty lucky with the questions I get.”

“That’s still so lax…!”

“Yeah, well,” he grinned, “hasn’t caused me any problems yet.”

Thank god Setsuko was sane enough to call him out on it. Yuzuru had gotten so desensitized to his attitude about these things, at times he would wonder if he was actually the weird one.

His phone buzzed in his pocket. After a brief glance at the message preview, he resisted the urge to groan in exasperation. His mom still hadn’t given up on messaging him, even after all this time. No matter how many numbers he’d block, it just kept happening. It was getting pretty ridiculous. What else was he supposed to do, though? Go to the cops and tell them to nicely ask his mom to stop trying to contact him? He’d get laughed out of the building.

He supposed he could deal with it on his own if it was just this much. As long as he didn’t get another scare like the one at the Game, he’d be fine.

When they finally arrived at the beach, it took them a while to meet up with everyone. Some of the others still hadn’t gotten there – their meeting time hadn’t really been set in stone, so that wasn’t too surprising. Even if he did mentally scoff at the lack of organization. But he was sure they’d label him a tightass if he piped up about it.

The few people that were around seemed to have gotten changed already. Tsutsui was lounging around in a pink, frilly one piece underneath a parasol, with Momo by her side. Setsuko rushed over to them immediately, reaching into her bag to pull out a book. She handed it over to Rena, who seemed to be overjoyed about it. From the glimpse he’d caught of the cover, it seemed to be a horror novel.

He was glad to see her getting along with the others. It was nice finally not having to worry about her. And not having the others poke fun at him for it.

Nakajima was close by, chatting with Natsurin, both of them dressed in a wetsuit of all things. It would’ve been a lot more amusing if Yuzuru hadn’t had to take a couple moments to contemplate if he should’ve worn one too. It probably would’ve helped with the sun.

“Oi,” he called out to Setsuko, “we’re gonna go change. You coming?”

She took off her shirt to reveal that she was already wearing hers underneath, apparently.

“Didn’t think to properly prepare, huh?”

He felt his face heat up a little.  _ Good point. _

“Excuse you. I had my hands full trying to wrangle you all together.”

“Hehe… whatever you say.”

“Eat my ass.”

“In your dreams.”

As Kazuma dragged him away, he heard her cheekily call out after them.

“Don’t get lost!”

He turned around just to flip her off, to which she giggled.

It was amazing how much she’d managed to relax, compared to how she was when they’d first met. She could still be all jittery and anxious at times even now, but she seemed to have become pretty comfortable with play-fighting and socialising in general. Or… at least with people she’d befriended already. She still made them order for her every time they went out somewhere together.

Still, it was nice to see her so much more laidback. It reminded him a little of Tsutsui. It had taken her a while to become more open as well. He could still vividly remember how much she’d freaked out when he’d asked her out on a date. She’d had to ask Momo to turn him down for her. He’d felt so bad about it, he hadn’t had the courage to approach her again for the next few weeks after that. Now, it was just another funny story to remember.

They borrowed the little stalls lined up close by to change. The beach actually wasn’t all that packed, strangely enough – part of him wondered if Natsurin had something to do with it, but he dismissed the idea pretty quickly. He couldn’t just chalk up every oddity he’d encounter to him, paranoid as he’d been starting to feel about it. Natsurin wasn’t some kind of a cryptid. Probably. They’d just happened to pick a less popular beach, more than likely.

In any case… Taka sure was taking a while. He shared a quizzical look with Kazuma before he addressed him.

“Still alive in there? You haven’t drowned, have you?”

“It’s not a toilet, dumbass,” came the muffled reply. Okay, so he hadn’t passed out or anything. He had to admit he’d been a tiny bit worried about that.

“In your own tears, I meant.”

“My bad. You’re right. My human allergies have been set off.”

Kazuma blinked at the door curiously.

“You’re… not stuck in there, right?”

“Nope.”

“You good?”

“Mmm… yep.”

Well, that didn’t sound convincing at all. Taka  _ had _ seemed a little uneasy the entire trip, but Yuzuru had just chalked it up to his hermit brain. Did he just lock himself in because he didn’t feel like hanging out with them today after all…? He would’ve turned them down if he wanted to be alone, though. He could be pretty stubborn about these things when he had to be. So then… what was the issue?

He suddenly heard a whine  _ so _ strange and out of character, it took him a moment to realise Taka had made it.

“Okay,” he crossed his arms, “young man, it’s time to open the door. Don’t make us more worried than we already are. You know I could just break it down.”

Even though the threat had obviously been empty – he was prepared to stay here for a while and have an entire heart-to-heart with Taka about whatever was bothering him –, it seemed to have been enough to convince him. The lock clicked, and the door slowly opened up. Taka stepped out, hugging his backpack to his chest, lips pressed together into a thin line.

“Drama queen,” he muttered. His delivery was lacking the usual amount of sass, though.

“Hey,” Kazuma reached out to touch his arm lightly, “for real, you good?”

“Mhm…”

“You don’t sound like it. You wanna go home already?”

“No… It’s not that.”

“Trouble sleepin’ last night?”

“Kinda… but that’s not it either.”

“Then what?”

Taka huffed.

“Oh, c’mon, it’s okay,” Kazuma ruffled his hair lightly. “Y’know we wouldn’t make fun of you or anythin’.”

“Not unless you wanted to,” Yuzuru added, to which Taka dramatically rolled his eyes. He could tell the remark helped loosen him up a little, though.

Taka breathed a sigh.

“It’s nothing serious or anything, just… I feel like I look kinda stupid, I guess.”

_ Oh. _

It had been a really long time since it had come up in a conversation, so it had managed to slip his mind completely. But, come to think of it, as far back as he could remember, Taka had always been pretty insecure about his body. He hardly wore clothes that showed skin, and he wouldn’t have been caught dead sleeping without a shirt on. He’d never really been vocal about it, though; the first time they’d talked about it Yuzuru had practically had to drag the answer out of him, because he’d been so embarrassed.

The first couple times, Yuzuru had asked him why he didn’t just go to the gym if it bothered him so much. Or at least cutting out all the junk he was always snacking on. Taka had mumbled something about not having the energy or willpower. In retrospect, he still felt pretty guilty for having brushed him off back then.

“You look fine, dude, don’t even worry about it,” he gave him a thumbs up. “And it’s not like anybody will be staring at you anyway.  _ Don’t mind! _ ”

“Easy for you to say…” Taka grumbled, “looking like a whole ass bodybuilder over here…”

Yuzuru was caught so off-guard by the compliment, he had to take a moment to remind himself not to get all smug about it. This wasn’t the time.

“Oh, come on. Just because you’re not ripped doesn’t mean you look stupid. Not like Kazuma is shredded over here.”

“Well, yeah, but… at least he’s skinny.”

“He’s a twink,” Yuzuru corrected him.

Taka couldn’t hold back a snicker at that.

“I think you’re cute,” Kazuma chimed in. “You’re soft and squishy. Like a pillow. Very huggable and snuggly. It’s nice.”

Despite how dumb that sounded, it actually seemed to have worked a little. Taka’s face began slowly turning red, and he averted his gaze as he cleared his throat.

“That’s enough out of you.”

Yet another instance of Kazuma knowing just what he needed to say to make him feel better, apparently. Sometimes it made Yuzuru wonder if they had some kind of telepathic link. Maybe they were both aliens. It would’ve explained a lot.

Kazuma laughed as Taka gave him a small shove.

By the time they returned to the others, a couple more people seemed to have arrived. Nao waved at them, in the middle of an impromptu beach volleyball match with Momo. Aragaki was doing stretches a couple feet away, her hair tied into a ponytail. Yokoyama was chitchatting with Setsuko and Rena, while Keiji was devouring the biggest mackerel Yuzuru had ever seen near a food stall. When Komatsu popped up in a few more minutes, Kazuma ran over to greet her right away, dragging a still flustered Taka behind him.

The atmosphere was even more relaxed than Yuzuru had hoped it’d be. Admittedly, after everything that had happened lately, part of him had wondered if they’d all be able to kick back and chill out together without feeling at least a little tense. It seemed like he shouldn’t have worried, though. Especially since Izumin wasn’t around to be an annoying jackass. Good on Momo for having finally kicked his ass after all this time.

It seemed like Fujinomiya wasn’t going to show up. Apparently Rena had invited her as well, but she’d told her she was too busy. That, Yuzuru didn’t particularly mind either. Not that he had anything against Fujinomiya, really, she was just kind of… difficult to talk to. She didn’t seem like she’d be all that much fun to hang out with. He wondered if that was a bit mean.

There was still one person they were waiting on, though. Truth be told, he wasn’t even entirely sure if he was going to show up. He’d said yes when Yuzuru had asked him if he’d wanted to come, but he  _ had _ told him that he was free to skip out after all if he ended up changing his mind about it. Yuzuru wasn’t going to get on his case. Even if he  _ was _ kind of concerned about him.

As it turned out, though, he may have been overthinking yet again.

At one point, the ball Momo and Nao had been playing with had been blown away by a gust of wind, travelling past a small crowd, too far above their heads for anyone to reach. Just as Yuzuru had offered to run after it, though, figuring he might as well join in, someone reached out to catch it.

Beach ball tucked underneath his arm, Yuki leisurely walked over to the group. He held out the ball for Momo to take, only to be practically tackled by Setsuko instead. She wasn’t the only person who was excited to see him, though.

“We’ve missed you, man!” Kazuma held up both his hands. Yuki sheepishly laughed as he high fived him. “Good to see you again! You’ve missed out on a whole bunch of stuff, y’know that?”

With how much everyone was crowding around him, Yuzuru gave up on getting to noogie him for now. When their eyes met, he spread his arms helplessly. Just a second later, though, Setsuko had grabbed him by the wrist, pulling him right into the small crowd they’d formed.

“Don’t be such a weenie, come on!”

“Hey, I’m being respectful!”

“Come be respectful over here, then, you baby.”

“I’m going to rip out your hair.”

“Try it, I dare you.”

Despite all his objections, though, he didn’t really try to resist particularly hard. Then, when it was finally his turn, he held out one of his hands.

They hadn’t gotten to have a proper chat for a while now. Not since the last time they’d hung out at Akiyama’s place in Osaka. Granted, they did occasionally exchange messages, but that wasn’t really the same. That was why, when Yuki had said yes to his invitation, he’d been pretty damn elated. He may have promised himself that he wasn’t going to be pushy, but that didn’t change that he missed spending time with him.

They bumped fists.

“Poked your head out of your cave, huh?”

“Yeah… It was getting kind of claustrophobic in there.”

“You’ll be at uni next semester, right?” Setsuko poked her head out from behind him.

Yuki chuckled.

“If I can make it through exams.”

“Wait, what? Are they making you take them?” Yuzuru frowned.

“Yep. In a week or so.”

“Yikes, that sucks ass.”

“Eh. It could be worse. At least I won’t have to repeat the semester. Hopefully.”

_ Fair enough. _

“Welp, good luck with that. Let me know if you need any help cramming,” he patted Yuki on the back. Not that he himself was a genius or anything, but he could probably be of some help, at least. Even if just a tiny bit.

Yuki smiled.

“Will do.”

* * *

Surprisingly, Taka didn’t just up and leave on his own, even after quite a few hours had passed. He didn’t seem entirely comfortable by the end either, but Yuzuru still took it as a good sign. And he did seem to be able to loosen up in the water, at least, if nothing else. With how snarky he could be, it was easy to forget how sensitive he really was in regards to his insecurities. Yuzuru was just glad he could look away for a couple minutes without risking him imploding on his own or something.

He glanced over at the sky. It seemed like they still had an hour or two left before the sun would start to set.

His stomach growled.

“I’m gonna go grab some more food,” he called out to the others, “anyone got any requests?”

He ended up grabbing his phone to note down all the orders.

His mind flashed back to the conversation they’d had in the group chat. Travelling, huh… He doubted they could gather up such a large group for it. Not unless they stuck to Japan. Even then, some of the others would be graduating this year already… And he doubted they’d all be able to coordinate their jobs accordingly. Or even care to. It wasn’t like everyone was super close friends with everybody else.

Ah, well… That kind of thing would’ve probably been more fun in a smaller group anyway. Maybe… he could ask some of his older friends. Although they hadn’t really talked in ages… and they all probably had jobs by now too…

Man, being an adult with responsibilities sounded super annoying. Fortunately he still had a while left.

He could still remember his first year. When he’d had no idea what in the everloving hell he wanted to do with his life. He’d acted all confident and determined in front of his friends, but, truth be told, he’d spent many sleepless nights questioning his life decisions.

He’d never really wanted to pursue martial arts professionally. Or, at least, not beyond middle school. Judo was fun, and it made him feel plenty cool and strong, but he wasn’t  _ quite _ enough in love with it to dedicate his entire life to it. Especially now that it’s taken quite a backseat.

At one point, he’d briefly considered becoming an idol. Just like Ayano. The idea was quickly dropped when he realised how much of his free time it would definitely eat up. And… being scouted was also probably out of his grasp, he had to admit, as much as he would’ve liked to pretend otherwise. He’d always had a hard time setting realistic goals for himself. Maybe because he was a bit of a perfectionist. He liked to feel like he had his shit together – or at least project that sort of image, even if he couldn’t quite pull it off. And… it would’ve been pretty defeatist to settle for less. It wouldn’t have been cool or manly. Taka was his usual source for some much needed reality checks.

He couldn’t really remember when the idea of teaching had been first brought up to him. Maybe Kazuma had mentioned it once, or maybe it had been his aunt and uncle who had suggested it. Maybe he’d just happened to read an article that wouldn’t leave his mind afterwards. It had been a while. Either way, though, the more time had passed, the more he’d come to realise he kind of…  _ really _ wanted to give it a shot.

Being a martial arts instructor sounded like a pretty badass job to have, right? And he’d always loved teaching things to people, be it simple life skills or group study sessions. The fact that it made him feel pretty good about himself too didn’t exactly hurt either.

Still… even if it was far, he wondered if he’d still be able to hang out with his friends once he got a job. There was no way they were going to be  _ that _ busy… probably. Hopefully.

_ Argh _ , he was freaking himself out by thinking about these kinds of things again. He shook his head in an attempt to get the thoughts away. God, if Kazuma could peer into his head right now, he definitely would’ve asked him if he wanted to get high again.

It didn’t take him much longer to snatch up all the orders, which managed to successfully distract him for good from his brainworms. He began to carefully make his way back, wondering why he hadn’t thought to ask anyone else to come. It was a miracle that he was able to fit so much food into his arms without any of it toppling over. He really hadn’t thought this through, huh…

It was on his way back that the peaceful atmosphere he’d still been feeling in spite of his worried thoughts shattered. And all it took was seeing a single person that he’d been completely unprepared to run into today.

The woman stood a couple feet away. Dressed in a suit despite the summer heat, a butler by her side holding her belongings. A polite, yet ice cold smile etched onto her face, her hands folded across her chest.

This time, he didn’t freak out nearly as much as he had during the Game. Maybe because there were no cameras, or maybe because the food he was carrying was surprisingly helpful as a kind of shield he could hide behind. He wasn’t really sure. Nor did he really try to think about it particularly hard. All he was focusing on was keeping his arms steady.

He was going to deliver his friends their orders. His mind settled on it instantly. Even though he was sure they weren’t going to be particularly upset or anything. Simply because he was going to use it to prove to himself that he could handle himself now. That he wasn’t going to let this woman have power over him forever.

Even so, hearing her voice made his stomach tense up with discomfort.

“Yu-”

“Don’t say it,” he cut her off.

He refused to meet her eye.

“Did you follow me here?”

It wasn’t unthinkable. He’d gotten paranoid about it a couple times in the past. His parents had followed him the first time he’d run away too, after all. They’d harassed his uncle and aunt for months when they’d taken him in. It wasn’t like straight up stalking would’ve been too underhanded for them.

His mom chuckled.

“You say such silly things. We just happened to run into each other. Perhaps through fate.”

_ Fate, my ass. _

“You know, I’m still willing to overlook how ungrateful and rude you have been. It’s not your fault, after all. You are just a child. It’s my foolish sister and her husband who are to blame, no doubt. I always knew they would be a horrible influence for you.”

His blood pressure was starting to rise, anxiety quickly replaced by anger. His aunt and uncle were probably his only family members who weren’t irredeemable scumbags. When he’d first turned up at their doorstep, they could’ve easily turned him away. They could’ve just sent him back home. It would have saved them a lot of trouble. They wouldn’t have had to fight his parents for so long, they wouldn’t have had to worry about all the legal threats…

And yet, they’d still allowed him to stay. They’d protected him. They’d accepted him despite all the trouble he’d caused. He practically owed his life to them. They’d sure as hell done more for him than his own parents ever had.

“Won’t you come home with us?”

He took a deep breath. He couldn’t cause a scene here. Not while his friends were close by. As much as he wished he could raise his voice, he didn’t want to ruin the trip for them.

“…You only turned up because of the TV thing, didn’t you?” he shot her a glare. “Because you were worried I’d ‘bring shame to the family’, or some shit.”

He should have guessed. The timing had been too convenient. He hadn’t seen her for  _ so _ long; there was no way she would have tried to contact him if she didn’t have some ulterior motive.

“Well, you don’t need to worry,” he hissed. “If your sorry ass hadn’t shown up that day, I doubt anyone would have guessed that we’re related anyway. And I’m pretty sure nobody will remember either. So you should just give up already.”

She’d given up before. She should have known he wasn’t going to agree. Why was she still insisting so much? Did she really think he was just going to waltz back there after everything that had happened…?

Maybe. Maybe she was just that dense and self-absorbed.

“Such a foul mouth… Your father and I wouldn’t have raised you this way.”

“Good thing you didn’t raise me, then.”

He interrupted her again before she could continue.

“Are we done now? I have to get back to my friends. Just take the loss and go.”

She narrowed her eyes.

“Your friends… They wouldn’t happen to be those thugs, would they?”

He let out an involuntary laugh. Was she talking about his friends from middle school? The street gang he’d always hung out with? Even though it shouldn’t have been as surprising, the fact that she was so out of touch was oddly hilarious.

He wondered how Setsuko would’ve felt being called a thug. Probably pretty badass. She would’ve tried to strike a cool pose and then tripped over her own feet or something.

“What do you care who I hang out with?”

“Appearances are important.”

“Yeah, that’s all you guys ever care about.”

“You shouldn’t be seen in bad company. People will talk.”

“You’re right. That’s why we’re done here. Goodbye!”

He turned around to walk away. Behind him, he could hear his mom following after him.  _ Of fucking course. _ He was staring straight ahead, though, determined not to let it bother him. The food was going to get cold. Left foot, right foot. Left foot, right foot. Left-

“Yuzuru-san…?”

He came to a sudden halt.

Setsuko looked back and forth between him and his mom, a frown slowly forming on her face. He could tell she was nervous; she looked sort of unsteady on her feet, and she kept restlessly fidgeting with her swimsuit, the way she would always touch her clothes when she was anxious or upset.

“You were taking a while, so I figured I’d come check if you needed any help…” she spoke, voice somewhat meek. She gestured awkwardly behind him. “Uhm… is she bothering you?”

He wondered if she recognised his mom. She’d seen her before on the broadcast, but only once, as far as he knew. Even if she didn’t, though, she was still showing an unusual amount of awareness of the situation. He didn’t even need to reply to her for her to walk right past him, positioning herself between the two, straightening her back and placing her hands on her hips. She might’ve looked a lot more threatening if she wasn’t also shaking like a leaf.

“Excuse me, Ma’am, but we’re pretty busy here. You should probably, uhm… leave.”

That was just about the least intimidating thing he’d ever heard. As expected, his mom wasn’t shaken up at all. She raised a meticulously plucked brow.

“And who might you be?”

Setsuko seemed to be taken off-guard by the question, but she managed to stammer out a reply anyway.

“M-Minamoto Setsuko… I’m one of Yuzuru-san’s friends.”

_ You didn’t need to answer that, _ he wanted to say.  _ You don’t have to humor her. _ But he was too stunned to speak up; all he could do was carefully peek out from behind her.

“And you think you have the authority to tell me not to speak to my own child.”

“Yes, actually. Yuzuru-san is an adult. Under law, this sort of unwanted contact qualifies as harassment, and-”

She let out a tiny squeak as his mom took a step towards her.

“Sweetheart, don’t try to threaten me. Believe me, that’s not a fight you can win.”

Yuzuru’s heart jumped. What was he supposed to do? Stand up for her, surely – but he didn’t want her to get caught up in his mess as well. Who knows what his parents might do to her if she got in their way… He knew from first-hand experience that the threat hadn’t been empty. And yet, his feet seemed to be glued in place. He couldn’t bring himself to move, or to even speak. His voice seemed to be caught in his throat.

_ Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. _

He let out the loudest shriek when someone from behind laid a hand on his shoulder.

“Dear me… There seems to be quite the commotion here.”

Never had he ever been so glad to hear Natsurin’s voice. When his mom’s gaze settled on him, Natsurin politely bowed his head.

“Natsume Rintarou. A pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

It was so strange to see his mom completely stunned for a change. When Natsurin held his hand out for a handshake, she seemed to accept it on instinct. She was giving him such a wide-eyed stare, you’d think she’d seen a ghost.

Natsurin smiled.

“I must ask you to take your leave now, however. I am sure you must understand. I do not take particularly kindly to strangers bothering my friends.”

Yuzuru would’ve expected his mom to retort in some way. To object to being called a stranger, or maybe to threaten him like she’d done with Setsuko. But… she didn’t. In fact, she didn’t even say a single word. She turned around, and just… walked off. Just like that.

_ What the fuck. _

“Oh my god,” Setsuko stared at Natsurin in awe, like he’d just pulled off an impressive magic trick. Which, to be fair, he kind of  _ had _ . “H-how did you do that-?”

Natsurin lifted a finger to his lips.

“It’s a secret.”

“It seemed like she knew you…” Yuzuru finally managed to blurt out, finding his voice again.

He didn’t realise just how lightheaded he’d gotten until after his mom had already left. Seeing how woozy he was on his feet, Setsuko clumsily attempted to take some of the load off. She almost tripped and dropped everything in the same movement. Under better circumstances, he would have scolded her and told her to be more careful.

Natsurin adjusted his glasses.

“I can safely say I did not know her, at the very least. That is all I know.”

_ So weird… _

Maybe Natsurin  _ was _ a cryptid after all. What other explanation could there be…?

“Well then,” he clasped his hands together, “let us get back to the others, shall we?”

It only occurred to Yuzuru much later that he never ended up properly thanking him. When he went ahead and approached him about it, though, Natsurin casually brushed it aside. He was just doing the right thing, he said. ‘Showoff’, Yuzuru wanted to reply. He didn’t, though. He felt too grateful.

He let him off with just a light shove.

“Ah, yes,” Natsurin snapped his fingers, “I understand. This gesture is meant to be one between ‘bros’ as you all say, yes? This sort of flesh-to-flesh contact… a sign of one’s status in a group… I have been looking forward to experiencing it. I must say, I feel truly honored.”

“You’re such a fucking nerd,” Yuzuru snickered.

He didn’t expect Natsurin to shove him back, albeit in such a pathetic manner, he would’ve thought the culprit was a grade schooler. He looked so proud of himself, though, Yuzuru couldn’t find it in himself to make fun of him for it. He’d always thought Natsurin was kind of weird, but maybe he wasn’t so bad.

Now if only he’d quit it with the weird horny remarks.


	31. Rose

_ The forest is never silent. Even when there’s nobody else around, it’s filled with all sorts of noise. Birds singing, bugs chirping, wild animals skittering about… Your parents have warned you countless times not to play there at nighttime, but you’ve snuck out anyway. You like how spooky it feels. Like you’re in a horror movie. You always hope that you’ll see a ghost or run into a cryptid of some kind. But you never do. No matter how closely you try to follow the rumors the people in the village circulate. _

_ Your sister used to come with you occasionally. She’s been too scared to lately. You told her it was fine, even if you did feel a little hurt when she told you about it. She was the only one you could ever convince to join you. All the other kids would just make fun of you for it. _

_ Well, it’s okay. Even if it’s a bit lonely on your own, it’s still kind of fun. You wouldn’t keep coming out here if it wasn’t. The thought of running into a bear is kind of scary, but you’re pretty sure you could make it back before it eats you. Maybe. Probably. Not that you’ve ever come across one before. _

_ The cheap camera you’ve begged your dad to give to you hangs around your neck. He was going to throw it out. He’d bought it a long time ago, but never quite figured out how to use it properly. The only things on the memory card are blurry pictures, half of them accidental. You’ve been really gentle and careful with it. You’re going to need it if you plan on convincing the others that the forest is haunted, after all. First, the kids. Then the village. Maybe the whole world. You’re pretty sure you can do it. If anybody can, it’s you. Because you’re the bravest person here. _

_ You just barely avoid letting out a shriek as a snake slithers past you. _

* * *

Aragaki Yuriko awoke in the late afternoon.

The dorm was quiet. Sakurauchi and Momo were staying with their families over the summer, so it would just be her and Komatsu for a while. Komatsu must have been out, though.

She didn’t mind. She’d always preferred calm and quiet mornings. Even if they weren’t really  _ mornings _ anymore, per se.

She spent an hour or so browsing the internet on her phone before she even thought to get out of bed. Her blog was doing… okay. The same as always, really. She should’ve been glad. The growth was excruciatingly slow, but at least it was steady. Everyone under the sun she’d asked about it with any kind of experience in similar fields told her she was already lucky enough. She’d just have to be patient and keep going, and things would turn out just fine.

But patience was hard. And the more time would pass, the more difficult she found it to believe it that she’d be able to make it work. She couldn’t shake the thought that maybe she was just wasting her time. That maybe she would’ve been better off focusing on her actual career, searching for a kind of compromise that would be more realistically achievable, but would still keep her happy. Maybe she was just being spoiled, unwilling to settle like this.

She was still wrestling with these kinds of thoughts by the time she finally rolled out of bed and began going through her morning routine.

At one point, her phone buzzed. Brushing her teeth with one hand, she picked her phone up with the other, nonchalantly unlocking the screen. Her sister was texting her her exam results. She sent her back a quick congratulations. Then, just as she was about to close her contact list, her eyes settled on a particular number.

_ Ah. _ She’d blocked Izumi everywhere, but she’d forgotten she still had his actual phone number.

Her finger hovered above the delete button. She wasn’t sure why she was hesitating so much. Why, even after so much time had passed already, part of her felt so upset about the whole thing. It was so silly. He’d shown his true colors ages ago. She was the gullible idiot for having given him so many second chances. She was the dumbass for still hoping that he’d turn up out of nowhere, revealing that he’d magically turned into a wonderful, upstanding person, willing to make up for all the shit he’d pulled.

She had to wonder if he’d  _ ever _ been a decent person. If all those times they’d been able to have fun together in the past had been just a lie, if he’d already been a jackass even back then, and she’d just been unable to pick up on it. She  _ had _ been pretty forgiving with him for much longer than she would’ve liked to admit. She’d felt like she owed him for helping her out so much when she’d first moved to the city, so she’d kept overlooking everything, even when no apology would follow. She’d told herself he was just having a hard time. That she was the unreasonable one, expecting friendships to function perfectly all the time.

She should have known better. None of her other friends had given her this sort of trouble.

She felt so stupid. Even Izumi had moved on by this point, probably. Momo had told her she’d felt relieved about it. She must have been the only one who was still upset. The only one whose mind would wander back to it on an almost daily basis. It wasn’t Stockholm syndrome, was it…? That was the only explanation she could think of.

She pursed her lips. She couldn’t just keep holding on. She’d have to let go eventually. Unless she felt like feeling miserable about it forever. Her mom would have told her the same thing. She would have told her she was better off. That it would stop hurting with time.

Maybe she did need to talk to her mom about it. She let out a sigh.

And just like that, Izumi’s number was gone. Better late than never, she supposed.

She stretched her back.

Breakfast went by fast. She just microwaved the leftovers from the takeout she’d had last night. There’d been a time when she’d cooked all her meals from scratch herself, but with college and work taking up so much of her time, she’d gotten lazier and lazier over time. Her sister would’ve definitely scolded her. It was a good thing she wasn’t here to see it.

Not before long, she was already clambering back into bed and opening up her laptop. It wasn’t like she had anything new to put on her blog right now. Not  _ yet _ . All her articles were still works in progress. Paranormal stuff was always a pain to research, especially when she was limited to such a tiny area. She could get away with having her clients pay her travel expenses normally, but that was only for her real job. With this stuff, she was on her own. And man, did it feel discouraging at times.

She scrolled down to skim the newest comments she’d gotten. She didn’t have a large enough of a following yet to be receiving anything mean, really. There was always some weird stuff mixed in there, sure, but most of the feedback she’d get was always pretty nice. She’d often look for suggestions on what to cover next.

Suddenly, she felt someone’s hot breath on the back of her neck. She jumped, slamming her laptop shut.

She heard Komatsu giggle.

“Aww, so secretive…”

She could already feel her face heating up.

She didn’t dislike Komatsu or anything. In fact, she would have said her presence was… fine. She was fine. Not a close friend or anything, but not somebody she would’ve had anything against spending time with.

That said, it almost seemed like lately she was out to get on her nerves as much as possible. Not  _ really _ , not  _ genuinely _ … but in a harmless sort of way. Like she was just very gently poking her with a stick, prodding at her to see how she would react. And… admittedly, she didn’t really mind – or at least not enough to actually ask her to stop –, it was just kind of weird. She never really knew how she was supposed to react to it.

“Komatsu-san…” she composed her expression as best she could, sitting up, “would it kill you to knock for once?”

“Not like you ever knock either.”

Fair. But it wasn’t like she’d ever been asked to.

“Fine. Then don’t sneak up on me.”

“Mmm? Why not?”

“I don’t like it.”

“I think you’re just in denial.”

For the umpteenth time, Yuriko had to ask herself the same question: was she flirting with her? Surely not. Komatsu was like this with everybody. She was just playing around, as always. She was better off not even acknowledging it. She would’ve definitely poked fun at her if she showed that she’d gotten to her at all, for sure.

Komatsu plopped down onto her bed without asking, pulling up her feet and getting comfortable. She tilted her head to the side with a playful smirk.

“Sooo… how’s that blog of yours doin’?”

She’d caught her in the act before. Multiple times, even. Logically, there was no sense in trying to keep it a secret from her anymore; she would’ve just seen right through her. Despite that, though, Yuriko still kept up the act. It would’ve been too embarrassing to admit it straight. People already thought she was a weirdo because of her title no matter how much she tried to distance herself from it. Her blog wasn’t attached to her name; the last thing she wanted right now was having rumors spread about it. She’d worked so hard to cultivate her cool, smart, independent city girl image. She wouldn’t have been able to live it down if it all came crashing down just because of this.

“No idea what you’re talking about.”

Komatsu beamed.

“Then… hypothetically, let’s say you  _ did _ have a blog.”

“I would never.”

“Just as a thought exercise.”

“I-”

“Work with me here, Riko,” she leaned in closer, nudging her with her elbow.

What did she even want…? She wasn’t looking for some kind of blackmail material, was she? She hardly seemed like the type who would’ve cared for that. Yuriko couldn’t think of another explanation, though.

“…The same as always.”

“Oho?”

“Why?”

“No reason. Can’t I be curious about my friends’ hobbies?”

She must have been bored.

“Friends,” Yuriko raised a brow, her voice as deadpan as she could manage, “is that what we are?”

As she’d expected, Komatsu found her retort amusing.

“So cold! It’s fine, though. I know you love me deep down.”

Or… maybe she was just lonely. She  _ had _ been spending more time around the dorm lately, lounging around by herself. Her other friends were busy, apparently, even though it was the middle of summer. But Komatsu wasn’t the kind of person who would’ve admitted that. Or Yuriko wouldn’t have pegged her as one anyway. She’d rarely ever been straight with her.

She wasn’t worried. Why would she have been? It wasn’t her job to baby the others. They were all adults here; they could take care of themselves. Komatsu included. If she wanted something, she was going to have to speak up about it.

After a short moment of thinking, Yuriko gave her a blank look.

“I never implied otherwise.”

The split-second shock that flickered on Komatsu’s face before her easygoing and confident expression returned had definitely made that kind of blunt reply worth it. Normally she wasn’t really up for these kinds of mindgames, but Komatsu had egged her on so much, she’d almost started to grow fond of them over time. Almost.

Granted, it had taken her a while to figure her out. Even now, she didn’t have a full grasp of what made her tick. She was far too guarded, far too closed off. Still, she had at least developed a decent enough image of her to be on even footing. Or that was what she would’ve liked to think, at least.

“Awww… Love you too, Riko!”

“Mhm…”

“Sooo… if you love me, won’t you tell me why you’re still creepin’ around about your blog around me?”

Of course that was going to come right after.

“You already know the answer. You’re just asking to get me riled up about it.”

“Maybe.”

“Figured.”

“It’s just cute seein’ you get all embarrassed.”

“Tough luck, then. I’m not embarrassed at all.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yep.”

“Not even a little?”

“Nope.”

“Nice. Then I’m sure you won’t mind me askin’ why you’ve been checkin’ it 24/7 these last few months or so.”

She was really persistent today, huh… Usually she would’ve moved on to another topic by now.

Yuriko leaned back, resting the back of her head against the wall.

“You’ve been watching me for that long?”

“Not like you’ve been hidin’ it that well.”

She wasn’t wrong.

“…I just want it to work out. That’s all.”

She wasn’t really sure why she’d answered it so honestly. She probably could have brushed her off. Komatsu could be pushy, but never beyond a certain line. She always seemed to know when to back off, at times even without her having to say anything. She would have listened if she’d just asked.

So… why didn’t she? Why didn’t she just tell her off for prying?

Komatsu hummed.

“Why’ve you been keepin’ it anonymous then?”

“Huh?”

“I didn’t see your name anywhere.”

“You checked?”

“Found the URL a while back.”

She did her best to squash the immediate panic that followed. Komatsu already knew she was a dork, so there was no reason for her to get so nervous all of a sudden. So what if she’d probably read some of her articles? Those were written well…! She’d put plenty of effort into them! She wasn’t ashamed of them at all! Just because the topic was paranormal occurrences, that didn’t… that didn’t mean… _ that didn’t mean anything…! _

She felt like she wanted to crawl under the bed and hide there for the rest of eternity.

“You’d prolly get a huge boost of fans, y’know,” Komatsu remarked. “So… why not?”

She should have known already. After all, it should have been obvious. She was just provoking her again.

But… now that she was thinking about it… was it really that uncalled for? She’d been guilty of prodding at her similarly in the past.  _ She’d _ had thoughts about Komatsu not being honest enough. Wasn’t she being a hypocrite, having the exact same attitude she’d criticized her for? For telling herself she’d make Komatsu speak up, but refusing to do the same?

She wished the thought hadn’t occurred to her. It would have been so much easier to not have to think about this kind of thing at all. To just go on with her day, the same as always. Now that she’d actually had the realization, though, it wasn’t going to leave. It was going to keep bugging her until she did something about it. She’d never been good at just turning her brain off on command like that.

“Because… it would defeat the purpose. I don’t need to be known for this stuff in real life.”

“Why not?”

“You  _ know _ nobody would take me seriously like that.”

“I recall you sayin’ you didn’t care what people thought of you,” Komatsu leaned on her hand.

Of course she cared. How couldn’t she have? There wasn’t a single person that didn’t, she was pretty sure. Or she’d at least never met one. No matter how much they tried to hide the fact.

“I hope you realise you’re just proving my point right now.”

In an instant, Komatsu’s demeanor shifted. She pushed herself back up until her back was straight.

“I take you plenty seriously.”

“Clearly.”

“What makes you think I don’t?”

“The way you’ve been messing with me this entire time.”

“Mmm… Well, yeah,” she shrugged, “guess I’ve been doin’ that. But that’s only ‘cause I think you’re cute.”

“That again…”

“Me thinkin’ you’re cute doesn’t have to do with the ghost stuff. Doesn’t mean I’m lookin’ down on you or anythin’.”

She paused for a short moment.

“You don’t like it?”

Of course she didn’t like it. Who  _ would _ have? It must have been a moment of weakness when she’d thought otherwise. She must have been in denial. No person under the sun could have possibly enjoyed this kind of thing.

And yet, that wasn’t what came out of her mouth.

“I don’t mind.”

Komatsu’s expression immediately lightened.

“Good. ‘cause I wasn’t gonna stop.”

By this point… she wasn’t even sure how true that statement was.

“But…” Komatsu reached out to tap her on the shoulder lightly, “if you want it so bad… Let’s have a moment.”

“A moment?”

“A moment where I’ll be upfront with you. For, mmm, let’s say… 5 minutes. For 5 minutes, I promise not to mess with you or anythin’ at all. Deal?”

She held out her pinky.

Yuriko hesitated. Was she trying to get her to lower her guard so she could lead her into some kind of trap? Komatsu would have known that wouldn’t work, though. She doubted she would resort to that. So… what, was she just trying to be nice? There was really no need for that. It… really wasn’t that big of a deal.

“…Fine,” she gave in, her shoulders dropping in defeat.

They locked pinkies.

As soon as their hands parted, Komatsu clapped hers together.

“Now then, tell me why you’re so torn up about this whole thing.”

“I thought you said you’d stop messing with me.”

“I’m not. I just wanna know.”

_ Is that right? _

“I don’t understand which part you don’t get. Do you think I want to be seen as weird?”

“Everyone already thinks you’re weird, though. You’re always on your phone, ‘n’ you barely talk to people.”

“…That’s-”

“‘sides, I’m pretty sure there’s not a single person here who isn’t a weirdo. So why’s it such a big deal if you are? Taka’s practically a shut-in, Rinrin’s a crossdresser, Yuzurun’s a control freak, Renren wears a mask everywhere she goes. Nobody’s gonna care if you’re into ghosts. Kazu would prolly even wanna collab.”

She’d rapid-fired so many things at her at once, it was a little hard to take it all in. Was this what she meant when she said she’d get serious? If so, maybe she would’ve preferred it if she’d kept up the joking attitude after all…

Komatsu breathed a sigh.

“Chill.”

“I am.”

“You’re freakin’ out again.”

“You’re imagining things.”

Komatsu’s hands were on her cheeks. Her palms felt warm and soft. Her touch was gentle. Like her hands could slip off any moment.

“Don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not.”

“Aren’t we friends?”

“I… guess we are.”

“So you should trust me.”

She didn’t  _ not _ trust her. She wondered why she was being so insistent, though. Komatsu wasn’t into this kind of stuff; she knew that for sure. So what did it matter to her if she told the others or not? Komatsu was the real weirdo here.

Really… what was she supposed to make of all this?

“Komatsu-san… why are you trying so hard to convince me? You don’t usually get in other people’s business like this.”

Komatsu blinked.

She then booped her on the nose.

“Time’s up!”

“It’s not.”

“It’s been 5 minutes.”

“It  _ definitely _ has not been. I can literally see the clock.”

“Details, details…” she waved her hand.

Yuriko huffed. She should have seen this coming from a mile away. She  _ had _ seen it coming, in fact. She wasn’t sure why she’d believed her at all there, even if just for a second.

Komatsu hopped to her feet, lazily stretching. Was she done with her for now? Yuriko did have some work to do later in the day for her real job, so she couldn’t just stay here chit-chatting forever. The clients didn’t thin out during summer. If anything, they only seemed to increase.

Komatsu headed for the door. She stopped in the doorway, turning her head to look back at her.

“Just had a favor to return.”

“A favor? From when?”

“Who knows.”

She couldn’t remember anything like that.  _ Huh. _

“…Is that all?”

“Yep.”

Komatsu lifted her hand for a wave.

“Nothin’ more.”

Even after she was gone, Yuriko found herself still unable to focus properly. All those things Komatsu had told her were on her mind, persistently resurfacing no matter how much she tried to get rid of them. She sure had a way of getting into people’s heads, huh…

She supposed it was her own fault for having given way to her. She should’ve just told her to back off before she’d even said anything. Maybe then things wouldn’t have turned out like this.

And yet, strangely enough, she didn’t feel any regret.

* * *

**renatan (bebe)** Today at 8:04 PM   
hoi

**renatan (bebe)** Today at 8:04 PM   
are any of u free next week

**renatan (bebe)** Today at 8:04 PM   
for some platonic netflix and chill

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:04 PM   
what movie

**renatan (bebe)** Today at 8:04 PM   
its a secret >:Dc

**renatan (bebe)** Today at 8:05 PM   
horror

**renatan (bebe)** Today at 8:05 PM   
i think ud like it

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:05 PM   
hm

**tutturu (** **furry........** **)** Today at 8:05 PM   
soz im busy w family stuff (´｡• ω •｡`)

**tamatama (shocked pikachu)** Today at 8:06 PM   
Me too :<

**renatan (bebe)** Today at 8:06 PM   
:(

**Yokoyama (boomer 2)** Today at 8:06 PM   
Me as well, I’m sorry.

**renatan (bebe)** Today at 8:06 PM   
smh what the heck

**renatan (bebe)** Today at 8:06 PM   
**@vesta**

**renatan (bebe)** Today at 8:09 PM   
smhsmh i think ur all just weenies is what u are

**renatan (bebe)** Today at 8:09 PM   
**@The eyes are the window to the soul** pls tell me ur gonna come at least

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:09 PM   
sure

**renatan (bebe)** Today at 8:09 PM   
ty ur the only one with rights here

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:09 PM   
thanks

* * *

**tamatama (shocked pikachu)** Today at 8:10 PM   
Pst

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:10 PM   
yes

**tamatama (shocked pikachu)** Today at 8:10 PM   
You havent told anyone right?? i hope

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:10 PM   
no

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:10 PM   
why would i

**tamatama (shocked pikachu)** Today at 8:10 PM   
Oh phew i just wanted to make sure

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:11 PM   
not that i think you should be embarrassed about it

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:11 PM   
but i did promise i wouldnt

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:11 PM   
are you sure its okay tho

**tamatama (shocked pikachu)** Today at 8:11 PM   
?

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:11 PM   
well you guys are dating right

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:11 PM   
it just feels a bit weird that you wouldnt tell her

**tamatama (shocked pikachu)** Today at 8:11 PM   
:<

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:11 PM   
im just saying

**tamatama (shocked pikachu)** Today at 8:11 PM   
Yeahhh i know

**tamatama (shocked pikachu)** Today at 8:12 PM   
Aaaaaaa its too late now anyway its not like i can bring it up now

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:12 PM   
you can

**tamatama (shocked pikachu)** Today at 8:12 PM   
If you were me what would you do?

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:12 PM   
uhm

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:12 PM   
well

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:12 PM   
i dont know if id tell anybody

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:12 PM   
but

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:12 PM   
im a bad example dont copy me

**tamatama (shocked pikachu)** Today at 8:12 PM   
Well thats not helping

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:13 PM   
i mean

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:13 PM   
i dont really think its a big deal or anything

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:13 PM   
im not like

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:13 PM   
trying to argue

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:13 PM   
i just wanted to point it out

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:13 PM   
because it seemed like you were bothered by it

**tamatama (shocked pikachu)** Today at 8:13 PM   
Yeah ik!! dw idm

**tamatama (shocked pikachu)** Today at 8:13 PM   
But yeah youre right it is bothering me

**tamatama (shocked pikachu)** Today at 8:13 PM   
It would be nice if we could just talk its just kind of hard to convince myself to actually get there

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:14 PM   
yeah

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:14 PM   
feel that

**tamatama (shocked pikachu)** Today at 8:14 PM   
You do??? :0

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:14 PM   
i think everyone has something theyre embarrassed about like that

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:14 PM   
tsutsui-san too

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:14 PM   
i think she will understand

**tamatama (shocked pikachu)** Today at 8:14 PM   
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

**tamatama (shocked pikachu)** Today at 8:15 PM   
I guess ill think it over

**tamatama (shocked pikachu)** Today at 8:15 PM   
I wish i wasnt so dumb

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:15 PM   
youre not dumb

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:15 PM   
physics are hard

**tamatama (shocked pikachu)** Today at 8:15 PM   
Yeah but im the only person whose score was this bad...

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:15 PM   
that happens sometimes

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:15 PM   
some things are just out of your control

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:16 PM   
you studied really hard for it, its not your fault that you had an episode on the day

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:16 PM   
sorry if this is a dumb question but did you take your meds beforehand

**tamatama (shocked pikachu)** Today at 8:16 PM   
I dont even remember i thought i did but maybe i didnt

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:16 PM   
are they working

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:16 PM   
like

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:16 PM   
in general

**tamatama (shocked pikachu)** Today at 8:16 PM   
Yeah everything since then has been normal

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:16 PM   
then youll be fine

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:17 PM   
ik ur worried but its not like thats going to help

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:17 PM   
all you can do is give it another shot

**tamatama (shocked pikachu)** Today at 8:17 PM   
Yeah

**tamatama (shocked pikachu)** Today at 8:17 PM   
I know

**tamatama (shocked pikachu)** Today at 8:17 PM   
Thanks btw ik its probably p boring to have to listen to me complain about the same thing over and over haha

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:17 PM   
idm

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:17 PM   
ur welcome

**The eyes are the window to the soul** Today at 8:18 PM   
lmk if you need any help revising and ill free up a day for u

**tamatama (shocked pikachu)** Today at 8:18 PM   
Waaahh ty i will


	32. Tulip

_ “You’re always so hyper, Momo… Don’t you ever get tired?” _

_ “Tired? I feel like your stamina is higher than mine, though, Yuriko-chan.” _

_ “Not like that.” _

_ “Eh?” _

_ “I mean mentally. I mean… doesn’t it get annoying after a while to get up so early every day? Or… don’t you ever feel like skipping practice?” _

_ “Mmm… Well, yeah, sometimes. I usually just push through it, though.” _

_ “See? That’s what I mean. Sometimes it feels like I’m staring right at the sun when I’m talking to you…” _

_ “Haha… I don’t get it at all. Is that a compliment?” _

_ “Guess so.” _

_ “‘Guess so’? Well… I’ll take it as one.” _

_ Nudge nudge. _

_ “You know,  _ you _ could use some of that energy. I heard Nao-san mention that she thought you didn’t like us because you were so quiet when we all went out together.” _

_ “I have energy. I just use it wisely.” _

_ “Mhm…” _

_ “…What did you tell her when she said that?” _

_ “Oho, what’s this? Is Yuriko-chan worried, perhaps?” _

_ Nudge nudge nudge nudge. _

_ “Not worried. Just curious.” _

_ … _

_ “So? What did you tell her?” _

_ “That that’s just what you’re like and she shouldn’t have been worried. That’s what you would’ve said too, right?” _

_ “Yep.” _

_ “Hehe…” _

_ “Just making sure.” _

_ “You look relieved.” _

_ “I am. I wouldn’t want her getting the wrong idea about me.” _

_ “You could’ve just told her yourself, you know.” _

_ “I could’ve. But you already did, so there’s no need.” _

_ “You’re not still intimidated by her, are you?” _

_ “Why would I be intimidated?” _

_ “It was written all over your face. You’re always like that when you’re around someone outgoing.” _

_ “That’s just me trying to bear their auras… You wouldn’t get it.” _

_ “Oh, the vampire talk again…” _

_ “I-it ain’t vampire talk! I mean-” _

_ Cough. _

_ “Besides, you’re one to talk. I saw you get all flustered near that one girl… Tsutsui-san, I think.” _

_ “H-hey…! I was just caught off-guard a bit! I just thought she was pretty, that’s all…” _

_ “Uh huh…” _

_ “You can’t just ‘uh huh’ me-” _

_ “You hummed at me just now.” _

_ “Y-yeah, but-” _

_ “Aren’t doing extra practice later today? Still need me to help out with that?” _

_ “Huh? Oh, yeah, that’d be a lot of help-” _

_ “Alright. I have class now, text me the time and place later.” _

_ … _

_ “She totally dodged that conversation, didn’t she…” _

* * *

Having finished texting Yuriko, Hayama Momoko set her phone back down with a heavy sigh.

She’d never thought of herself as particularly smart or good at studying. In fact, throughout all her life, it would consistently turn out to be the opposite. She’d have to pull all-nighters for just barely passing grades, she’d get stuck on the easiest test questions, she’d mix up which letters belonged to which answers on exam sheets, and she’d forget to double check her answers. Sometimes, she couldn’t even take in questions properly. She’d read them over and over and over, sometimes inadvertently mumbling them under her breath, but her brain wouldn’t cooperate.

It was in middle school when she’d been diagnosed with dyslexia and ADHD. High-functioning, they’d called her. She never really understood what they meant by that, but she didn’t care enough to fight it. She just took the medication they gave her, and hoped for the best.

Her grades would gradually start to improve. She’d still struggle from time to time, but she’d found herself feeling a lot less frustrated than before. She’d have to ask her parents to help with homework less and less frequently. She’d aced her high school finals. That was why she’d felt so optimistic a few weeks ago when she’d sat down to take the semester finals.

She’d flubbed them completely. Not every single one – with a couple courses, she managed to just barely slip through –, but there were a few that were unsalvageable. And, even now, she had no idea how it could’ve happened. She’d studied more than enough beforehand. She’d slept well the nights before. And yet, she’d still managed to mess up.

She shouldn’t have accepted the invitation to the beach. After all, she’d known that she was doomed the moment exams were over, even before she’d received her results. She could feel it. She should’ve spent that time revising, like she’d done so for the rest of the week.

Part of her knew this line of thinking was no good. It wasn’t like studying more ahead of time could’ve prevented anything. She still wouldn’t have been able to focus on the day of. It had just been a particularly harsh stroke of bad luck. That was what her parents had told her too. She’d quietly nodded, too ashamed to say anything. Still… she didn’t know what else she could do other than study. She didn’t want to fail them a second time. Make-up exams would start in 3 days; it wouldn’t have felt right slacking off right before.

Yuki would be there too, he’d told her. Since he’d missed them the first time. The thought did comfort her a little. Having to be there alone would’ve made her feel a lot worse. Still, she couldn’t stop worrying. What if she messed up again? Would she just have to repeat the semester? She wasn’t going to get expelled; that much, she knew, but that wasn’t enough to quell her nerves.

She’d had second thoughts like this many times before. Wondering if she’d done the right thing by aiming high, even with all these obstacles in her way. Ever since she’d been a little kid, she’d always been really interested in space. So, once she’d turned old enough, she’d figured astronomy would probably be the way to go.

She hadn’t taken into account that she was pretty bad at math. And physics. And science in general. She’d thought her meds would make things manageable enough, but, even at her best, her college grades were never really stellar.

Maybe she should’ve just aimed to become a pro athlete instead. Sports were the one thing she’d always been good at. And she did like them, she loved them a lot… but not as much as she loved the stars and space and stuff. And it would’ve felt like she was running away if she hadn’t at least given this a try.

She still had yet to tell most of her friends as well that she’d failed… She was going to as soon as she’d received her results, but she’d chickened out at the last second. She’d only managed to tell Yuriko.

Yuriko’s texts were still playing over and over in her mind. Maybe she shouldn’t have been making such a big deal out of it – Rena wouldn’t have been upset with her either way, whether or not she decided to tell her. But… that wasn’t really what was bothering her. It was the principle.

Throughout her life, she’d always had trouble making friends –  _ real _ , proper friends. She was far too forgiving with people, far too patient, which made her an easy target for selfish jerks. Then she’d get mistaken for  _ those _ kinds of people, and get ostracized by the rest. It was only after she’d become friends with Yuriko that she’d started to be able to realise when she needed to stand up for herself, when she had to stop letting people use her.

Even now, though, those memories still hurt. No matter how old some of them were. That was why she’d promised herself to never become someone like that. To never manipulate her friends, and to always be kind to those who needed it.

And maybe lying about her exam results wasn’t anything major. Maybe it wasn’t anything worth stressing about. Maybe it was normal. But it was enough to send her into an entire crisis, wrestling back and forth with herself about it. After all, if she couldn’t trust her friends when it came to something so small, could she really call them her friends? Wouldn’t they have felt at least a little hurt to know that she had such little faith in them?

When Rena had asked her out like that out of nowhere, she hadn’t even considered saying no. She liked her, after all; she’d thought that would be enough. She hadn’t even thought to wonder if she’d be good for her as a partner.

Momo had never been in a relationship before. She’d never even been asked out by anyone other than Rena. And she didn’t really know much about how dating was supposed to work, but what she did know was that people were supposed to be able to tell their significant others anything. Anything and everything. And never mind the exams, she hadn’t even really mentioned her diagnoses. Or her aspirations after college. Because… even though the rational part of herself knew it would never happen, she was still afraid that she’d just… laugh. That she wouldn’t take her seriously. That she’d look down on her for having such unrealistic goals.

It was silly. She knew it was silly. Rena wasn’t the kind of person who would’ve done something like that. She was gentle and sweet and kind. She’d whine when something she said would fly straight over her head, but her tone would be playful, never upset. Still, she’d been hurt too many times before. And those experiences left her paranoid with these sorts of things.

There was a knock on her door.

She was staying with her family over the summer. The school wasn’t too far from here, so the commute wouldn’t be too bad. She’d been missing her parents and brother. They’d promised they’d be quiet enough to let her study, and they’d kept their word so far.

Her brother, Aki, poked his head inside.

“Mom’s asking if you want dessert.”

“At this hour?” she peeked at the clock.

He shrugged.

“More for me, if you don’t want any.”

With pretend-innocence, he turned his head to stare off into the distance. His tone was so easy to see through. They were probably just worried that she was working too hard and were offering an excuse for her to take a break. And… to be honest, while she did feel kind of bad about it, she’d already sort of started to take one by procrastinating through chatting with her friends.

She wasn’t normally one for late night snacks, but she supposed the sugar would be good for some extra brainpower.

“Fiiine, I’ll be over in a sec…”

Relief was noticeable in Aki’s face, no matter how much he tried to play it cool. Instead of leaving, he leaned against the doorframe with his hands in his pocket.

“Are college exams hard…?”

“Hm? Yeah, they’re pretty hard.”

“That sucks.”

“Aren’t your entrance exams next year?”

His expression soured.

“Don’t remind me… The thought is already killing me. I won’t come out alive.”

“Aw, don’t be like that,” she got up from her chair, stretching her back. She strolled over, slow and comfortable, and reached out to ruffle his hair lightly. “If I’ve managed so far, you’ll do just fine.”

“…You don’t have to put yourself down to encourage me, you know.”

He was pouting, but his voice betrayed how glad he felt.  _ It’s alright. _ She was his older sister, after all. It was her job to encourage him at times like this. And besides, it wasn’t as though it had just been empty self-deprecation. Her brother’s grades had always been better than hers; she had no doubts he could take on college.

“Who’s putting who down now?” she promptly got him into a headlock, giving him an aggressive noogie. He flailed helplessly in her arms.

They used to play-fight like this all the time when they were both kids. They’d grown out of it over time once she’d become strong enough to overpower him with barely any effort, though. To his dismay.

“ _ Ack- _ Okay, okay, I give!”

“Beg for mercy!”

“I  _ am _ !”

She laughed when he finally managed to get free, frantically fixing his hair, looking all disgruntled. Ah, it was so nice to be back home.

In the kitchen, she was greeted by her mom offering her a cup of homemade pudding. After a kiss on the cheek, she took a seat.

“Is Mom asleep already?”

“Mom is right here,” her mom replied in a singsongy voice.

She couldn’t help but roll her eyes lightly.

“The other one.”

“Oh! Nope, not yet. She’s in bed watching that one movie you recommended.”

“The one I saw with Rena-chan?”

“Yep! Speaking of which, how is she?”

Her mom seemed to be in a really good mood today.

Momo hesitated. She hadn’t actually told them they were dating yet. She wanted to wait a while until it felt more serious, considering her mom would’ve definitely begun asking about when they were planning on getting married and having lots of children… And even now, she wasn’t entirely sure if it would turn into a permanent thing or not.

She looped a lock of hair around her finger.

“Hey, Mom… Can I talk to you about something?”

Her mom didn’t object to her not answering her question. Instead, she pulled up a chair and took a seat next to her, folding her hands on the table.

“It’s girl problems, isn’t it?”

“It’s not…!” Momo denied it immediately, feeling her face get ever so slightly warmer from embarrassment. “Or… maybe. I don’t know.”

“Did you two get into a fight?”

“No, nothing like that… Actually, we’ve been getting along better than before, I think.”

“Nothing bad has happened to her, right?”

“I- What? No-”

“Oh, phew! You were looking so serious, I got a little worried…”

“No, no, no, it’s not that-”

“Is it good news then? Is it-”

“Mom-”

Her mom opened her mouth once again, and Momo held up her hands.

“Listen, I love you, but can I just… talk for a second?”

Her mom blinked, going silent. She then lifted one of her hands, miming zipping her lips shut. Momo let out a sigh of relief.

She continued playing with her hair.

“…Do you think I should tell the others? Like… about my dyslexia and stuff.”

Her mom tilted her head.

“That’s your choice, dear.”

“I know! I know… and I want to. But I feel like I won’t be able to psych myself up enough to do it unless someone makes me.”

“Well, that’s not a good mindset to have,” her mom shook her head.

That was probably fair and true. And it’s also most likely what Yuriko would’ve told her. That didn’t make her any happier to hear it, though.

“Yuriko-chan knows already, right?”

“Yeah… It, uhm, came up a while back. So she’s known for a while.”

“Then it shouldn’t be so scary anymore, right? Why don’t you do it with Yuriko-chan there? Maybe that would put your mind at ease.”

_ Huh. _ She hadn’t considered that before. Now that she mentioned it, though,  _ yeah _ , she probably  _ would _ have felt better about it if Yuriko was also around. Whether in person, or through their group chat…

“It’s still a bit awkward to think about…”

“Oh, well it’s not like you’re in any rush. You don’t have to push yourself if you’re not ready.”

But did she  _ know _ that she wasn’t ready? Because, honestly, she wasn’t sure if she’d ever be able to know something like that. Even if her mom was right, knowing herself, it was likely she’d just procrastinate on it for ages. Heck, she didn’t even need to guess that – she’d already been doing it for years now. Ever since she’d met her friends in college…

Her mom brushed some hair out of her face.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine, you know. Rena-chan is a sweet girl. I have no doubts she’ll accept you the way you are.”

That was exactly what she’d told herself before. It wasn’t like Rena hadn’t  _ seen  _ her displaying symptoms before. Who knows; maybe she’d already been able to guess it on her own, just didn’t want to initiate such a personal conversation. And besides, Rena herself was selectively mute… She would’ve understood. She would’ve been able to get it.

“Argh…” she buried her face in her hands, “this is so frustrating… I don’t know why I’m having so much trouble with it…! I  _ know _ that I’m overthinking it, but… it’s just…”

She couldn’t find the right words. Not without repeating herself again. Her mom seemed to have understood, though. She wrapped her arms around her, stroking her hair softly.

“Getting mad at yourself won’t help. It’s not like you can control how you feel.”

“…Yeah…”

“I also can’t tell you what the right thing to do would be. You have to learn how to make these kinds of decisions on your own. You shouldn’t be letting other people tell you what’s best for you.”

They’d had this conversation before. Many times. And, each time, she’d found herself agreeing with her mom about it, no matter how reluctantly. It wasn’t like the problem had ever gone away. Her friends had talked her ears off about Izumi before anything had come of that as well…

Yuriko had said that if she was in her shoes, she would have kept it a secret. And she had no doubts that that hadn’t been a lie, knowing her. But  _ she _ wasn’t Yuriko. She’d been right when she’d told her not to just copy her.

So, then… What did  _ she _ want to do? What would have made  _ her _ the happiest?

…She already knew the answer to that, didn’t she…

“Ugh…” she buried her face in her mom’s shoulder, “this sucks… At least exams have a right answer…”

“There, there,” her mom patted her on the back. “You’ll get better at it eventually.”

“Hopefully…”

“Don’t believe me?”

“I do, geez! Let me just whine for a bit…”

Her mom giggled.

Maybe she could at least wait until she was done with the make-up exams to get it over with. If anything went wrong or turned into a misunderstanding, she knew she wouldn’t be able to focus enough to do better this time around. Then, after that, she could just grit her teeth and get it over with… Until then, she’d just have to do her best to try not to think about it.

They wouldn’t last more than a few days anyway.

* * *

**webslinger** Today at 2:24 AM   
Hi

**tamatama** Today at 2:24 AM   
Hoi :> whats up

**webslinger** Today at 2:24 AM   
Nothing tbh i just saw you were still awake and thought id say hi haha

**tamatama** Today at 2:24 AM   
Couldnt sleep ;v;

**tamatama** Today at 2:24 AM   
Ive done enough cramming today so now im just hanging out

**webslinger** Today at 2:24 AM   
Ah

**webslinger** Today at 2:24 AM   
I feel that

**tamatama** Today at 2:24 AM   
Are u at the dorm rn??

**webslinger** Today at 2:25 AM   
Yee!

**webslinger** Today at 2:25 AM   
Moved in early so i could sleep in a little more

**webslinger** Today at 2:25 AM   
I dont rlly like taking the train every day

**tamatama** Today at 2:25 AM   
Ohhh

**tamatama** Today at 2:25 AM   
Well thats assuming u can fall asleep at all lol

**webslinger** Today at 2:25 AM   
Hahaha true

**tamatama** Today at 2:25 AM   
Do you feel ready >:D

**webslinger** Today at 2:26 AM   
Uhhhh

**webslinger** Today at 2:26 AM   
Debatable

**webslinger** Today at 2:26 AM   
Tbh i can never tell ahead of time

**tamatama** Today at 2:26 AM   
Oh yeah me too ngl my brain is just swimming in numbers nonsense rn

**webslinger** Today at 2:26 AM   
Oof yeah math sucks

**webslinger** Today at 2:26 AM   
Idk how you do it

**tamatama** Today at 2:26 AM   
I mean clearly i dont

**webslinger** Today at 2:26 AM   
Omg

**webslinger** Today at 2:27 AM   
Youve been doing it until now tho right :)

**webslinger** Today at 2:27 AM   
Thats still pretty cool imo

**webslinger** Today at 2:27 AM   
My brain would prolly fry itself if i tried

**webslinger** Today at 2:27 AM   
I barely got through hs math

**tamatama** Today at 2:27 AM   
Aw ty ;v; i was just joking tho i didnt mean to self deprecate

**webslinger** Today at 2:27 AM   
No worries!! I didnt take it as that

**tamatama** Today at 2:28 AM   
But yeah its p hard i rlly wouldnt blame u for struggling with it

**webslinger** Today at 2:28 AM   
Have u thought about asking nao for help??

**webslinger** Today at 2:28 AM   
I mean maybe its a bit too late now but for the future

**webslinger** Today at 2:28 AM   
Im pretty sure physics and math are like

**webslinger** Today at 2:28 AM   
Her lifeblood

**webslinger** Today at 2:28 AM   
I remember i asked her what she was working on once and i took in like

**webslinger** Today at 2:29 AM   
Nothing from her explanation

**webslinger** Today at 2:29 AM   
:D

**tamatama** Today at 2:29 AM   
Omg yeah!!

**tamatama** Today at 2:29 AM   
Shes like a wizard or smth

**tamatama** Today at 2:29 AM   
But actually i already have :> ty for the advice tho!

**tamatama** Today at 2:29 AM   
I study better in a group than on my own so mini tutoring sessions are my jam

**webslinger** Today at 2:29 AM   
Theyre usually hit or miss for me

**webslinger** Today at 2:30 AM   
Sometimes its hard to focus when everyones just going wild lol

**tamatama** Today at 2:30 AM   
You mean chiba-san and his roommates lol

**webslinger** Today at 2:30 AM   
Shhh

**tamatama** Today at 2:30 AM   
We should prolly try to sleep soon

**tamatama** Today at 2:30 AM   
Dont wanna mess up ur sleep schedule

**webslinger** Today at 2:30 AM   
Its ok ive messed it up on my own :,,D

**webslinger** Today at 2:30 AM   
But youre right i should fix it for monday

**webslinger** Today at 2:31 AM   
I dont wanna be a zombie

**tamatama** Today at 2:31 AM   
Maybe you can just eat the test to defeat it

**webslinger** Today at 2:31 AM   
:0

**webslinger** Today at 2:31 AM   
Genius

**tamatama** Today at 2:31 AM   
Hehe

**tamatama** Today at 2:31 AM   
Ok im gonna give sleep another go

**webslinger** Today at 2:31 AM   
Yeah same

**webslinger** Today at 2:31 AM   
Had fun chatting a bit tho!

**tamatama** Today at 2:32 AM   
Yeah me too!!

**tamatama** Today at 2:32 AM   
Good luck studying!

**webslinger** Today at 2:32 AM   
You too :D

**webslinger** Today at 2:32 AM   
See you on monday?

**tamatama** Today at 2:32 AM   
Yeah :>

* * *

She set her phone back down. It was good to know she wasn’t the only anxious one. And to receive another reminder that she wasn’t the only person here who was pretty bad at studying. Most of her close friends were taking courses they were already naturally good at, so it was pretty easy to feel left out at times. Yuki had told her before, though, about all the times he’d just barely scraped by, just like her. It probably wasn’t so bad anymore now that he was focusing on music, but still…

She rolled over in bed, facing the window. She was feeling a bit better now. She’d spent some time browsing cute stuff on her phone, trying to turn her brain off. It had worked, for the most part. The talk she’d had with her mom had also begun to properly sink in, allowing her racing thoughts to calm down.  _ Now _ she was actually starting to feel sleepy.

After exams… she could probably take some time to relax for real, one way or another. Hopefully with peace of mind. She wasn’t really sure what the protocol was for failing the make-up ones…

Yeah, she really couldn’t keep thinking about that. Especially not in the middle of the night. Everything was going to be fine. She was going to pass, and then she was going to sit down and have a long, pleasant conversation with Rena. Maybe invite her out to lunch somewhere. Or maybe just hang out at her place and try to convince her to get into more musicals. Watch a few with her again. That sounded like fun.

She yawned.

She wondered what her mom would be making for breakfast.


	33. Jasmine

_ “Say… have you ever considered picking up sign language?” _

_ “Sign language…?” _

_ “Uhm- I just thought it might be more convenient to talk like that… W-when you can’t get any words out, I mean. It seems easier than texting.” _

_ “…You’re not just suggesting that because you still haven’t learned how to type properly, right?” _

_ “N-no, of course not.” _

_ “But… I didn’t know you know sign language, Nakajima-san.” _

_ “Oh, uhm, I took it in high school. I thought it might end up being useful.” _

_ “Eh? So you don’t actually know anyone that uses it?” _

_ “I don’t think so…” _

_ “It sounds like fate, then!” _

_ “F-fate?” _

_ “It means we were fated to become friends like this! It must be!” _

_ “Oh, that’s what you meant… You… say some weirdly romantic things sometimes.” _

_ Stare. _

_ “N-no, it’s not like that! I meant it in the literary sense! I wasn’t trying to be creepy, I promise…!” _

_ “…I know. I just wanted to tease you a bit.” _

_ Beaaaaaam. _

_ Sigh. _

_ “You’re so-” _

_ “Charming? Cute? Yep! I know!” _

_ “…bratty.” _

_ “Rude!” _

_ “S-sorry…?” _

_ “Well, it’s okay. You can be rude if you want to.” _

_ “You don’t mind…?” _

_ “Not really, no. You sound like an old man so it’s kinda hard to take it seriously.” _

_ “I do not…! That’s not true!” _

_ “Hehehehe…” _

_ “D-don’t laugh at me like that…! So disrespectful!” _

_ Poke. _

_ “Ack-!” _

_ Giggle. _

_ “Good to know your weakness still works too.” _

_ “Geez…” _

* * *

Throughout his high school years, Nakajima Tooru had only made a single friend. A friend that wasn’t even his age, that he’d met through complete coincidence, that he’d never thought he’d end up becoming close to.

He’d always had difficulty connecting with other people. Not necessarily because he lacked social awareness, but because he was so incredibly introverted and shy. His family had been so poor, he was rarely ever exposed to trends, mostly occupying himself by reading books in the local library. No TV, no games. So he never really knew what he was supposed to talk about with other kids. He was no good at sports, so he never felt included with the guys, and he was often too timid to approach the girls.

But it was fine. Because he didn’t have time to spend on friends anyway. School was more important, so he could go to a good university and find himself a well-paying job and give his parents a well-deserved break from working so hard all the time. As soon as he’d become old enough, it was part-time jobs after part-time jobs. Anxious interviews one after another. Being scolded for freezing up or speaking too quietly. Or stuttering in front of customers.

But it was fine. As long as he could get home every day and escape into reading or drawing or writing or… whatever, really, it was fine.  _ He _ was fine.

The day it had happened had started out like any other. It had been the middle of a school semester in his second year of high school. Shortly after having been fired from one of his jobs, he’d been on his way to an interview for another. Classes had just ended. His school bag had still been slung over his shoulders.

He’d run into a younger girl on the way. Definitely much younger than him – maybe a middle or grade schooler. She’d been standing in the middle of the street, looking completely lost and helpless, with tears in her eyes. Nobody had approached her yet to help. In fact, nobody even really seemed to have noticed her. He couldn’t have just abandoned her there like that. He’d have felt bad about it for the rest of the day. So he’d offered to help her find her way back home.

It had been pretty hard to get her to talk. She’d been so startled, so shaken up, her hands would not stop trembling. Eventually, he’d gotten her to text him the address. He’d chatted to her on the way there. Or, more accurately, chatted  _ at _ her. He’d just blurted out whatever would come into his mind, hoping to reassure her in the process. She hadn’t seemed to mind, despite the lack of any replies.

He’d dropped her off to a maid that had profusely apologised to him for all the trouble. Even after the main door closed, he could still hear the girl being scolded.

He never got the job, in the end. Of course he didn’t. Being late to an interview was inexcusable, no matter the reason. What he  _ had _ gotten, though, was a call from that same number the very next day. A young girl’s voice, whispering so quietly that the white noise from the call had almost drowned out her words. Asking him if he was still looking for a job. If he’d be willing to tutor her.

It was much later that he’d found out she’d paid him a full-time teacher’s salary out of her own pockets. Her parents were emotionally distant and neglectful, but they apparently buried her in so much money, she barely knew what to do with. She’d paid him not to tutor her, but to be her friend. She didn’t have any friends of her own in real life, she’d said. Only online. She must have been really lonely.

Even after learning everything, though, he’d never let her gift him too many things. He’d never let her lend him too much money. No matter how many times she’d told him she didn’t mind. No matter how hard she’d insist on it. It would’ve made him feel too guilty. Like he owed her something in return. Or something more than just keeping her company and helping her with her studies, at least. He didn’t want her to feel like he was just using her for her money either. Even though she’d been the one initiating it in the first place every time.

He did stay over at her place each time she offered, though. His own parents were hardly ever home anyway. They wouldn’t have noticed anything. It was all a secret, of course – he was sure they’d both be in a lot of trouble if any of the staff working for her parents found out she’d broken their rules. The danger never turned him away from it, though. If anything, it had just made the experience more exciting. Like part of him, somewhere deep down, had been craving something thrilling like this in his life – a sharp contrast to all the monotony he’d gotten used to.

He never would’ve admitted that, though. He was still very much a ‘goody-two-shoes’, as she’d called him. He didn’t want to encourage her to start breaking more and more rules. Some of them were there for a reason, after all. And he didn’t want her to keep getting scolded either. But it was still nice, getting to spend time with her like that. She was somehow much, much easier to talk to than any of his classmates had been. Once she’d opened up, she was all cheerful and curious and teasing, leading every conversation with ease. She’d teach him about pop culture. About what people her age were into. Things she’d found out through the internet, apparently.

She’d poked fun at his old phone. He’d scoffed and said it was still working fine, and he didn’t care much for these things anyway so he had no reason to buy another. For Christmas, she’d bought him a new one anyway. He’d given her a portrait he’d painted. She’d hugged him so tight, he’d thought his spine had snapped.

She’d found out his birthday somehow, even though he’d tried his best to hide it. He’d been kind of worried that she’d get him something so expensive he’d instantly die from a heart attack. She’d ended up buying him a tablet. ‘You should try to get used to it,’ she’d insisted. ‘You’ll save so much on supplies’.

It had taken ages for him to get a proper feel for it. He’d never been good with technology. Once he had, though, he’d drawn up a gift for her in return. She’d accepted it, all beaming with sparkles in her eyes. She’d congratulated him on ‘graduating from being an old man,’ as she’d put it. He’d threatened to take the gift back. She’d just giggled and said she’d already saved it.  _ Curse digital technology…! _

Despite all his gripes, though, he still appreciated her. For a long time, she was the only person he could ever openly talk to about his feelings. She was the only one who made him feel understood. And, after the first and only relationship of his life had crashed and burned, she’d been the one who’d comforted him with snacks and movies, spending the entire night awake just for his sake.

In a way, he’d grown to think of her as his sister. Even though they weren’t technically related. ‘Older sister’, she’d correct him every time. And he’d go along with it, even if she was younger. It was kind of endearing to see her act so smug about it.

At times, though, she did actually behave sort of like an older sister. And today was one of those times.

Rena’s apartment was empty save for just them. They were sitting in the living room, side by side, two untouched cups of tea on the coffee table. Rena was rubbing his shoulder, all soft and gentle, only lifting it to occasionally sign along as she spoke.

“Aww, you’ll have more chances… These things happen sometimes. You should still be proud of yourself for giving it your all.”

When he’d sent in his manuscript, he knew there was a pretty big chance nothing would come of it. He’d done this dance plenty of times before, after all. Even professionals with years of experience would’ve had to struggle to get their writing published, probably. Someone like him, someone with no previous experience stood little to no chance. He’d known that when he’d sent in his writing. He didn’t think it’d leave him this dejected to have to actually face it, though.

He shouldn’t have felt this disappointed about it. He should’ve been used to it by now. It wasn’t like he  _ didn’t _ have a career – he loved art with all of his heart, and he would’ve been perfectly happy doing it for the rest of his life.

Maybe it was all the hours he’d poured into this one. All the times he’d rewritten it until he was completely happy with it. He’d even asked Minamoto for help.

“…I’m sorry, Rena-nee, but… would it be okay if I was just a sulking child for a bit?”

Rena nodded vigorously.

“Of course, of course! I’m always whining to you anyway. I don’t mind you doing the same.”

It did feel a little embarrassing. But Natsume had told him this sort of thing was healthy. That it would be good for him to let his feelings out like that, no matter how unreasonable he felt they were. And Natsume had always been very wise for his age when it came to emotional matters, so Tooru did trust his judgement.

With that in mind, he let out a groan, falling over into a sad, limp pile on her sofa.

“God, I wish I could go on a vacation… I’m so tired from everything. From work, from the Game – thank god I have nothing to do with that anymore –, from school… and now this…”

“Yeah, yeah, I know…! You’ve been working really hard lately. You should really take some time off! While summer is still here!”

“I can’t do that when I still have work to do… Uuugghhh… I don’t even want to touch it right now but I also don’t wanna ask for an extension agaaaain… The emails would be so annoyiiiiiing… And even if I got some time off, it’s not like I have enough savings to go anywhere…”

“…You know, I wouldn’t mind-”

“Don’t you dare offer to pay for something like that.”

“Why not? We’re friends! You should really let me spoil you every once in a while, geez…!”

“Because… my pride would be wounded!”

“No matter how many times you say that, I still don’t get what you mean by that.”

“W-well, nobody likes being buried in expensive things like that…!”

“ _ I _ do!”

Her retort had been so genuine, so sincere, it left him completely speechless for a second. He lifted his head slightly to see her towering over him with her arms crossed over her chest, staring him down with a pout.

“I  _ love _ being given gifts, you know!” she reiterated, though her tone softened more and more as she went on, gradually turning desperate. “It’s not like I’m trying to bully you or anything… It’s just so frustrating! I get  _ so _ upset watching you work yourself to death, skip meals, pull a billion all-nighters- If you’d just let me help…!”

And there went her mature attitude right out the window. Not that she seemed  _ actually _ upset or anything – he’d seen her angry before, and it wasn’t a pretty sight like this –, but, all things considered, she did seem kind of annoyed.

He pushed himself back up, and she huffed.

“Is this some weird… man thing that I just don’t understand?”

“N-no…! ‘Man thing’- What?” he shook his head, frowning in confusion. “You didn’t get on Minamoto-san’s case like this, did you? Even though I recall her feeling the same way.”

She turned her head away, grumbling under her breath:

“That’s because I can bully her into accepting my gifts…”

He buried his face in his hands, letting out an incredulous laugh.  _ Ahh,  _ she really still was so childish in so many ways…

“Rena-nee,” he put on an expression as stern as he could manage, “even if you mean well, there are certain things you have to respect. You can’t keep pushing these sorts of things onto other people. Just because you would personally like it if they did the same to you doesn’t mean they’ll be happy.”

Never mind what Natsume had said. The shame didn’t actually bother him, unlike what he’d thought – he couldn’t let his guard down, though, not when Rena was like this. As her senior, it was his duty to set her right, to explain to her why she couldn’t do certain things. If he wasn’t, after all, who  _ was _ going to? Not her parents, that was for sure. So he had to be the adult here. He had to.

She turned her head back at an agonizingly slow speed.

“…You’re in dad mode again…”

“‘Dad mode’? And whose fault is that?” he sighed, slumping over.

In any case, just as he’d thought, it didn’t seem like her outburst had been anything serious.

She scooted over.

“…It’s not like I don’t know that stuff already… but you guys never take care of yourselves.”

“Never is a bit of an exaggeration-”

“Not the point! All I’m saying is that even if what you’re saying is fair, don’t you think I’m at least a little bit right? Is it so bad that I want my friends to be happy?”

He paused. This wasn’t the first time they’d had this conversation. Or, at least, something similar in nature. He’d always brushed her off, though. Because, even if he knew that what she was saying was right, that he really ought to take better care of himself… if he had to be honest, he didn’t really care. Or at least not as much as he cared about his work. His work was his life. It was only natural that he’d want to pour so much energy into it.

…Maybe he  _ had _ been kind of unreasonable to immediately jump to conclusions just now. Rena’s attitude may have been childish, but there had also been plenty of times when she’d been able to provide him with a valuable perspective he hadn’t considered before. She wasn’t  _ stupid _ . Just emotional. But… then again, so was he. Just because he didn’t express it as much didn’t mean it wasn’t affecting his judgement.

She signed a ‘sorry’.

“…I probably shouldn’t have brought this up now, of all times. I know you’re really tired.”

He stiffened.

“It’s… okay. It felt like it came up pretty naturally in the conversation. I’m not mad or anything.”

“We can talk about this some other time, if you want. When you’re feeling better.”

This kind of routine was normal. When it was just the two of them, bickering was very much a part of their daily life. There were never any hard feelings behind it. It just so happened that they were both pretty heavily opinionated about a lot of things, and, when they didn’t have to worry about causing a scene, they had no reservations about letting them loose. Sometimes they’d even argue just through signing when someone was around but the matter was urgent.

Rena cleared her throat.

“Anyway… you can go back to being a baby now, if you want to.”

“No, it’s okay. I think I’ve had enough.”

“Liar! You’re just stuck in dad mode, I bet.”

“Stop calling it dad mode!”

“Fight me!”

She raised her fists, playfully punching him in the shoulder. It didn’t hurt. Not even a little bit.

After a couple seconds of silently contemplating his options, Tooru lifted his hands to his temples.

“…Could you please order something sweet? Off that, uhm… app you have on your phone.”

Rena’s grumpy expression immediately vanished.

“Sure thing! What would you prefer?”

“Anything, really… Maybe some cheesecake if you can find any.”

“Cheesecake… Roger that.”

At the very least, arguing about silly things did help distract him from the depressing thoughts he’d been having earlier. That was one of the reasons he’d come here today. Rena wasn’t all sugar, but that wasn’t a bad thing. Even he wasn’t always craving sugar. Maybe. Maybe once in a blue moon. Those brownies Takahashi had made earlier this year would’ve been hard to say no to.

…Perhaps he should’ve picked a better metaphor.

Rena laughed at his conflicted scowl as she placed their orders.

* * *

**minamoto** Today at 4:02 PM   
hewwo

**minamoto** Today at 4:02 PM   
shdjksk i hope im not bothering u??

**minamoto** Today at 4:02 PM   
i just remembered u said ud be finding out the results today

**minamoto** Today at 4:02 PM   
and i got curious :3c

**minamoto** Today at 4:02 PM   
im weirdly invested now

**Nakajima** Today at 4:16 PM   
Hi! Thank you for inquiring. Unfortunately I don’t have good news to share, and I would really rather not talk about it right now. I would love to have a deeper discussion some other time if you insist, but for now I would prefer to relax. Thank you in advance for your understanding.

**minamoto** Today at 4:17 PM   
aw im sorry :(

**minamoto** Today at 4:17 PM   
but hskdjhfskj its ok thats pretty much all i wanted to know

**minamoto** Today at 4:17 PM   
btw lololol u type like such an old man

**minamoto** Today at 4:17 PM   
are you sending me a business email

**Nakajima** Today at 4:19 PM   
Excuse you.

**minamoto** Today at 4:19 PM   
hehehe

**Nakajima** Today at 4:20 PM   
What’s wrong with how I type?

**minamoto** Today at 4:20 PM   
dsgdsfjk nothing it just looks very funny

**Nakajima** Today at 4:22 PM   
Also, why do you keep sending those weird jumbled letters? Is your keyboard malfunctioning?

**minamoto** Today at 4:22 PM   
omfgg no its like

**minamoto** Today at 4:22 PM   
uh

**minamoto** Today at 4:22 PM   
its called a keysmash

**minamoto** Today at 4:22 PM   
its a part of online etiquette

**Nakajima** Today at 4:25 PM   
Oh.

**Nakajima** Today at 4:29 PM   
What does it mean?

**minamoto** Today at 4:29 PM   
its like a way to express intense emotions i guess???? its kind of hard to describe its more of a general vibe than anything tbh

**minamoto** Today at 4:29 PM   
wait you know what tbh means right

**Nakajima** Today at 4:34 PM   
Yes, obviously I know what that means.

**minamoto** Today at 4:34 PM   
dshjkds just making sure!!!

**Nakajima** Today at 4:35 PM   
Are you experiencing intense emotions right now?

**minamoto** Today at 4:35 PM   
no not really its just a thing i do

**minamoto** Today at 4:35 PM   
out of habit

**minamoto** Today at 4:35 PM   
i guess

**Nakajima** Today at 4:35 PM   
I see.

**Nakajima** Today at 4:41 PM   
By the way, if we’re bringing up things we’re curious about, I was wondering if you’ve found a job yet. I recall you mentioning a while back that you were looking for one.

**minamoto** Today at 4:41 PM   
o

**minamoto** Today at 4:41 PM   
ye >:3c actually natsurin hooked me up

**minamoto** Today at 4:41 PM   
im helping out at a library rn a couple times a week

**minamoto** Today at 4:41 PM   
its pretty lowkey but its really nice for extra cash

**Nakajima** Today at 4:47 PM   
Congratulations! I’m happy for you. You seemed really invested in it so I’m glad things seem to be working out now.

**minamoto** Today at 4:47 PM   
dsfhkds ty!! i hope the writing thing works out for u too sooner or later lol

**Nakajima** Today at 4:47 PM   
Thank you.

* * *

The sun was going down. The movie Rena had put on was still playing. Despite that, she was sleeping quite peacefully on the sofa, arms wrapped around one of the pillows.

The desserts she had ordered for the both of them had already been finished. They’d ended up eating so much, Tooru was feeling kind of queasy; he lay on his side, one of his arms dangling down, too tired to move even after his hand had started to fall asleep, feeling slightly like a beached whale. The tiredness hadn’t hit him in its entirety until after Rena was already out.

The day at the beach had been quite nice. Just like the festival. Even if he hadn’t been the most social both times. It had still been pleasant being in everyone else’s company and relaxing together for a bit. Sort of like how he would’ve imagined those field trips in high school that he’d never been able to attend.

It was way too easy for him to get completely lost in his work. To forget what it was like to not have to stress about anything, even if only for a brief couple hours. Someone else would always have to remind him.

He shouldn’t have shot Rena down like that earlier. There was definitely a compromise there that he hadn’t even bothered to find before. He was such a hypocrite… calling her immature when he’d responded just as unreasonably.

_ Ah well.  _ It was too late to worry about that now anyway.

He  _ had _ just completed another project. So… maybe it would be okay to take a short break like she’d suggested. Not a  _ vacation _ . But… just putting work aside for a few days. Just a couple. Just until he could properly recharge.

Natsume had lectured him about that as well. Something about work-life balance… He was too sleepy to properly remember. The words were starting to all blur together in his brain.

Speaking of resting… he could really use a nap right about now.


	34. Orchid

_ A nap… It does feel like a bit of a waste to spend one of your few days’ off taking one, but you’re also way too exhausted to think about it too hard. Work this week has been especially rough and it’s managed to suck out most of your life force. You at least make sure to put away the groceries before you stumble over to the mattress, flopping down on top, still fully dressed save for your shoes. _

_ Before you know it, you’re already drifting off. _

* * *

Minamoto Atsushi awoke with a start, heart thumping away in his chest. It took him a couple moments to realise he’d been woken up by the doorbell. His mind was foggy; a quick glance at his watch told him he couldn’t have been out for that long, just enough to feel a little more refreshed than before. A cup of coffee would probably do the rest.

He staggered to his feet. He looked like a mess: his bedhead might as well have been a bird’s nest, and the suit he still had on from the previous day was all sweaty and rumpled. He hastily clambered out of the jacket and loosened his tie before he rushed over to the door. Who could it be on a Sunday? If it was work-related, he would’ve gotten a call. Setsuko would have made sure to agree on a time beforehand as well.

He narrowly ripped the door off its hinges from how fast he tore it open.

Outside stood a startlingly tall and tan young man, with broad shoulders and beach blonde hair. Atsushi wasn’t entirely awake yet, so the name took a second to come to him.

“Oh, uhm… Good afternoon. Sorry, is this a bad time…?” Takahashi Yuki politely inquired, his gaze flickering back and forth between him and the door.

“O-oh… Not at all, don’t worry about it. Things have just been a little hectic lately so I’m a bit out of it right now.”

Takahashi chuckled softly. He wasn’t here to visit Setsuko, was he? From what he could remember her telling him, they were both still staying at the dorms.

He seemed to be keeping one of his hands behind his back.

“So, Takahashi-kun… How can I help you?”

He subtly stepped out of the way, unsure if Takahashi wanted to come inside. He received a shake of the head.

“Oh no, I didn’t come here to disturb you or anything. I’ll be leaving in just a moment.”

_ Oh, thank god. _ The place was a mess.

“I just thought… well…” Takahashi lifted a hand to the back of his neck. “It  _ has _ been a pretty hectic year so far in general. For a lot of people. Not that it’s anywhere close to being over- Uh… Yeah, uhm,” he cleared his throat, “I know that we haven’t really met too many times, so I’m not sure if this is weird at all, but… I’ve been through some pretty rough stuff recently and got through it with the help of my friends, so I thought I’d return the favor. So… I’ve brought a gift.”

“A gift?” Atsushi blinked. “For Setsuko?”

“For either one of you, really! I have something else I’m planning on giving her later, though…”

“Ah… Not that I mind, but are you sure?”

“Yep! You’ve been very kind to me whenever we’ve talked before, so…”

What a sweet boy. He’d always thought Takahashi was incredibly nice and polite, and this cemented it in his mind further. It was comforting to know he wouldn’t be a bad influence for Setsuko.

Without further ado, Takahashi held out a gift bag. It was lighter than expected; peeking into it, the insides appeared to be further packaged.

“I hope you’ll enjoy it.”

“I’m sure I will! Thank you very much, Takahashi-kun, you’re too kind.”

Takahashi laughed sheepishly.

“Well then… I don’t wanna take up more of your time, so…”

“Yes, yes, I imagine you probably have your own plans. I’d hate to hold you up as well. Thank you for dropping by!”

Takahashi bowed his head.

Atsushi waited for him to disappear before closing the door again. He fanned himself nonchalantly with one hand as he carried the package over to the kitchen table. This heat was unbearable… but he’d left the window open all morning by accident anyway, so he doubted the open door had made it that much worse. He was amazed he’d been able to fall asleep at all, let alone in these kinds of clothes.

Carefully unwrapping the package, he was delighted to discover it appeared to be homemade brownies. Takahashi was supposedly an excellent baker. This kind of surprise was exactly what he’d needed after the hell this last week has been…

He supposed now was as good a time as any to have breakfast. It had slipped his mind in the morning before he’d gone to the store.

But first… he really had to clean himself up.

After a cold shower and changing into a fresh set of clothes, he took his time preparing coffee. Thankfully he was already feeling a lot more aware and coherent than before; his conversation with Takahashi must have woken up him enough. Then, once the coffee was done, he grabbed a plate and some utensils, and comfortably settled in.

Setsuko really hadn’t been exaggerating when she’d said anything made by Takahashi was extremely delicious. It was as though an angel had come down from the heavens and personally handed the dessert to him. It wasn’t even as sweet as he would’ve expected from someone from America, which was another pleasant discovery.

If only he had the time, he would’ve loved to be able to learn to bake like this… It was a steep upgrade from the instant meals he’d gotten used to. Maybe someday.

He’d just about finished his coffee when he heard his phone ring. He reflexively felt himself tense up. It couldn’t be work, could it…? Hopefully it was just Setsuko checking in. Or, maybe…

“Minamoto household, how may I help you?”

“Good afternoon, Minamoto-san. I was hoping-”

At the sound of a now all-too-familiar voice, he immediately ended the call.

He should’ve at least checked the number beforehand. It was that damn scam caller again… He’d been getting calls from them for over a month now, every single week, at the most random, unexpected times. He would’ve been kind of impressed that they hadn’t given up yet if it hadn’t been so maddening. He’d never met a scammer before that had been so persistent.

Ah well, whatever… He wasn’t going to let this ruin his day off.

When the phone rang again, displaying the same number, he didn’t even bother picking it up. It continued ringing as he finished his meal. As he put the leftovers away in the fridge. As he washed the dishes. As he put them away in the cabinet. Each time he thought it was finally over, it would start to ring again.

At this rate, the neighbours might file a noise complaint… Maybe he ought to unplug it for the day. Just as he was about to, though, the doorbell rang again. And the ringing stopped.

Today sure was busy… Had Takahashi forgotten something? Or was it one of the neighbours coming to scold him? An argument was the last thing he needed right now, but ignoring it probably wouldn’t have led to anything good either. Besides, it seemed like they were done with him for the day. He could most likely get away with just a regular apology.

As he opened the door, though, he was greeted by a stranger he didn’t recognise. A petite man with slicked back hair and a polite smile, maybe half a head shorter than him. He didn’t appear to be dressed for the weather at all; despite the summer heat, he wore a long, dark coat, emblazoned with intricate patterns. His gloved hands rested atop a walking stick, folded on top of each other.

He gave a courteous bow.

“Greetings. I apologise for the unannounced visit. Unfortunately I did not have the chance to inform you ahead of time, as you have neglected to answer my calls.”

He lifted a hand to his chest.

“Seeing as how I haven’t had the chance to introduce myself yet… My name is Natsume Kouji. It is a pleasure to make your-

Atsushi slammed the door in his face.

* * *

**minamoto** Today at 3:14 PM   
ur back!!

**minamoto** Today at 3:14 PM   
that was fast

**webslinger** Today at 3:14 PM   
Haha yeah

**webslinger** Today at 3:14 PM   
I feel kinda bad :,)) im pretty sure i woke your dad up

**webslinger** Today at 3:14 PM   
He kinda looked like a zombie

**minamoto** Today at 3:14 PM   
omfg lmao

**webslinger** Today at 3:15 PM   
I didnt wanna just visit in the middle of the night

**minamoto** Today at 3:15 PM   
well im sure he didnt mind!!

**webslinger** Today at 3:15 PM   
Yeah i hope so

**webslinger** Today at 3:15 PM   
Btw hows the pie

**minamoto** Today at 3:15 PM   
bro

**minamoto** Today at 3:16 PM   
i am in heaven

**minamoto** Today at 3:16 PM   
i can hear the voice of the angels

**minamoto** Today at 3:16 PM   
lowkey sick bc i ate so much ashdfjkhsk but it was rlly good!!

**webslinger** Today at 3:16 PM   
Omg oh nooo be careful!!

**webslinger** Today at 3:16 PM   
Dont get sick :(

**minamoto** Today at 3:16 PM   
too late now

**minamoto** Today at 3:16 PM   
but also ur not the boss of me u loser >:3c

**webslinger** Today at 3:16 PM   
:0

**minamoto** Today at 3:16 PM   
yuzuru-san stole some of it :(

**webslinger** Today at 3:17 PM   
But i made him some too!

**minamoto** Today at 3:17 PM   
ikr!!!! what a greedy bastard

**minamoto** Today at 3:17 PM   
im gonna eat him

**minamoto** Today at 3:17 PM   
thatll teach him a lesson

**webslinger** Today at 3:17 PM   
Haha vore

**minamoto** Today at 3:17 PM   
wh

**webslinger** Today at 3:17 PM   
What

**minamoto** Today at 3:18 PM   
do u even know what that means

**webslinger** Today at 3:18 PM   
Yeah its like when you eat people right

**webslinger** Today at 3:18 PM   
Like cannibalism

**minamoto** Today at 3:18 PM   
well

**minamoto** Today at 3:18 PM   
yeah

**minamoto** Today at 3:18 PM   
i guess thats accurate

**minamoto** Today at 3:18 PM   
but

**webslinger** Today at 3:18 PM   
But

**minamoto** Today at 3:21 PM   
u know what

**minamoto** Today at 3:21 PM   
can i just link u a wikipedia page

**webslinger** Today at 3:21 PM   
Oh dear

* * *

Atsushi was no fool. He wasn’t the same gullible person he’d been 20 years ago, the person who would’ve easily fallen for scams and frauds. No matter how painless they seemed – or rather,  _ especially _ because of that. He’d had to learn the hard way many times that if something seemed too good to be true, it probably was. Life wasn’t fair like that. And he wouldn’t have been willing to put everything on the line again for something like that.

That said, he was stubborn. He was extremely, incredibly stubborn. Once he set his mind to something, he was determined to go through with it no matter what. And there were a few things that he felt so strongly about, it was enough to spur him into action without much thinking. And this was one of those times.

The guy he was dealing with must have been a loan shark, or something similar. And an extremely charismatic and deceptive one at that. He spoke in professional terms, in a self-assured, yet polite tone, carrying himself with confidence and grace. The worst kind of person to deal with. One that seemed both so kind-hearted and qualified, one could have fallen for his trap if they were not already looking out for this sort of thing.

So, he’d allowed this Natsume fellow to take him over to his office. After all the inconvenience and annoyance they had caused him, he’d grown furious enough to get personally involved. He’d just have to get the office address, their names and their faces, and the police would more than likely take care of the rest. He couldn’t just sit by and watch these bastards take advantage of the vulnerable and weak.

These were the kinds of thoughts swirling around in his head as he reluctantly climbed into the car Natsume directed him to, ready to dial emergency in case things took a turn for the worst.

Maybe it was kind of foolish to just walk into this sort of thing on his own. Maybe he’d already doomed himself. Admittedly, part of him was starting to feel a buzz of excitement. He’d never done something like this before. In the monotony of office work day after day, it felt new and exhilarating in a way. A little bit like he was about to become the protagonist of some kind of a crime thriller.

Well… the most likely option was probably also the most boring one. He knew that much. He’d already come this far, though; it would be a shame to turn back now, even if nothing much was going to come of it.

The car did have AC, at least. Apparently it belonged to Natsume’s private chauffeur. Because of course it did. The seats were so soft and comfortable, he probably could have dozed off without trying under better circumstances. Not a single stain or tear. Plenty of space to stretch his legs.

The building they stopped in front of was equally – if not more – impressive. A skyscraper so tall, he had to crane his neck really far back to be able to see the top. People in fancy suits walking in and out, carrying briefcases, everyone as clean-cut as Natsume himself… It certainly looked like an office, for better or for worse. He immediately felt undressed, in his T-shirt and jeans. He almost wondered if it would’ve been better off if they’d caught him while he was still in his suit, weathered as he had looked. Nobody made any mention of it, though, oddly enough.

The receptionist smiled at them as they entered.

“Welcome back, Chief. As requested, the preparations are finished.”

“Excellent,” Natsume snapped his fingers. “Thank you, Shimizu-kun.”

Atsushi was starting to doubt himself. They  _ must _ have been illegitimate, they must have… There was no way a standard company would have offered the kind of deals they had. But, surely, with how big they seemed to be, the police should have heard of them already… unless they were just that good at covering up their own tracks.

Setsuko did mention she knew a lawyer at her school. Maybe he ought to contact her about this for advice.

Natsume gestured for him to follow, and they entered an elevator. The ride up was smooth, and the doors opened with a light jingle.

The floors were meticulously polished even out in the hallway. Not even a speck of dirt visible, even though there must have been people walking by constantly. When Atsushi muttered his disbelief under his breath, Natsume let out a soft laugh.

“We pay our staff well. In return, they make sure everything is well taken care of.”

The last door they entered had a nameplate on it: Natsume Kouji, chief executive. His personal office, huh…

Stepping inside, it was unexpectedly plain compared to what he’d expected just based on Natsume’s appearance. The first thing that jumped out at him was how much he seemed to like plants. Greenery lined all of the walls, brightly colored flowers and leaves as far as the eye could see. It would have felt like a greenhouse had it not been for the work desk and chair set up on one side, and the sofas around the coffee table on the other. The desk was almost completely barren save for the closed laptop and the framed picture on top. Glancing at it from the corner of his eye, it seemed to be Natsume with his child. No spouse in sight. Perhaps he was another single parent. In this day and age, it was common enough.

“Please do take a seat,” Natsume motioned towards the sofas.

Atsushi complied, albeit somewhat stiffly. He just barely held in a yelp of surprise as he practically sunk into the sofa, the material giving much more than he would’ve expected. It reminded him almost of a therapist’s office. Or… an especially soft bed.

Natsume sat down on the opposite side, hands in his lap, his walking stick set aside for the time being.

“I am incredibly grateful you have decided to hear me out, Minamoto-san,” he bowed his head. “Would you like something to drink? My secretary may prepare you anything you’d like. Save for liquor, of course.”

Atsushi numbly shook his head. This definitely hadn’t been what he’d expected when he’d decided to follow him, and all the doubts that had invaded his mind were enough for him to revert to his usual courteous and reserved attitude. He felt a little starstruck, even, from everything he’d been getting treated to.

If only he’d been here for a job interview instead of something like this…

“I do apologise for all the trouble we have caused you. I can assure you we have intended no harm.”

Then again… even if he decided to be civil for now, that didn’t mean he could just let Natsume push him around. Letting him have control of the conversation would give him a dangerous advantage.

Atsushi straightened his back.

“I came here because you were insistent, Natsume-san, but that doesn’t mean I’m convinced yet. I’m just here to talk.”

“Of course,” Natsume nodded, “I’m sure you have many doubts. It’s understandable. Being cautious is never a bad thing, after all.”

He sure was good at buttering people up.

“Our company is still rather new; we are still working on building trust with our clients. I myself have been through this a few times in the past, so I understand that perfectly.”

Trying to sound humble whilst showing off one’s achievements… He’d seen that many times before too.

“If you still have doubts after our meeting, you are free to consult any professional of your choice. You’re also welcome to ask any questions if you find anything too confusing or unclear. We wish to make the process as painless as possible.”

Boy, did he have questions…

“Well,” Atsushi let out a sigh, “I would like to hear a bit more about your company first. The phone calls didn’t help clarify much.”

That may have been his own fault for cutting them off so soon, but Natsume didn’t call him out on it.

“Ah, yes,” his eyes lit up. “We are a nonprofit organization that seeks to assist people struggling with poverty or unemployment. We offer many different services, some of which include debt payments, job assistance, scholarships, and so on.”

“A nonprofit with this kind of decor…”

“Do not worry. Any expense that isn’t necessary, I pay for out of my own pockets. The rest of our funding comes from donations and sponsorships.”

That was difficult to believe, even if it did technically make sense. More than that, though, there was another detail that had been bugging him for a while now. Something that he hadn’t brought up until now, but was awfully strange and suspicious.

“…A convincing enough argument, I suppose,” he crossed his arms. “There’s something else that I’d like to know, though. Why did you, the CEO, contact me personally? And why did you keep calling me for so long? I believe that could be grounds for harassment, if I wanted to press charges.”

“That’s true,” Natsume tilted his head. “If you wish to do so, I will not stop you. I admit we may have been out of line in this particular instance. Normally we would not have troubled our potential clients after they’ve already turned us down.”

“So you admit that it was wrong.”

“Yes. Absolutely.”

He leaned back in his seat, crossing his ankles.

“However, unusual circumstances require unusual solutions… and this just so happens to be one of those cases.”

“Unusual…? In what way?”

“You see, Minamoto-san, it was requested of us to contact you. No matter the cost.”

“A request from who?”

“I’m afraid I cannot say. Our client has chosen to remain anonymous. It is not somebody you personally know, though, I am sure.”

“You’re  _ sure _ .”

“Indeed.”

That was… odd. Someone that  _ he _ didn’t know, yet somehow knew of him and his circumstances. That didn’t sound right. Who could it have even been? Where could they have even heard about him? He hardly ever went out, unless it was for company events, and he’d never been the most chit-chatty type. He didn’t particularly like divulging too many details of his personal life to even coworkers, let alone strangers.

But… perhaps they hadn’t found it out from him. Setsuko would have surely mentioned it, though, if she had done something. She would have been open and honest. Had she mentioned it to one of her friends, then…? Was that what had happened? Were they trying to help her in some way, or take advantage of her? None of it seemed to make sense.

“I’m going to be honest,” Atsushi remarked dryly, “that’s a pretty big detail to be so secretive about. It’s not exactly making me trust you.”

“I expected as much.”

He flinched as the door opened.

A young lady stepped inside, carrying a silver briefcase. She set it down on the coffee table. She bowed when Natsume thanked her, then disappeared just as suddenly, closing the door behind her.

Natsume opened up the briefcase, then swiftly turned it around so Atsushi could see its contents.

He couldn’t believe his eyes. It was filled to the brim with bills, stacked neatly on top of each other. Just like in a movie. It reminded him  _ so _ strongly of movies, in fact, that he instinctively tensed up, expecting there to be a bomb or something similar inside of it.

Natsume chuckled.

“Rest assured this is not a trap. It is simply proof that I am serious.”

He gestured at the money.

“This is all yours to take home. It is all real, of course, but you are free to take it to a bank for inspection if you do not believe me. For legal reasons, you  _ will _ have to sign a contract, but you may of course read it as carefully as you wish ahead of time. You may have a lawyer examine it as well, if you are worried about any loopholes.”

Atsushi couldn’t speak. His voice seemed to be stuck in his throat. He’d never seen this much money all in one place before, not even in passing. Certainly not in cash. And here this guy was, offering it to him. For free.

Were they really not fake…? They looked real enough… No matter how carefully he tried to inspect them, he couldn’t see anything that was off.

His fingers twitched.

“…What’s the catch?”

Natsume beamed.

“There’s no catch.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Would you like to read the contract now?”

Merely reading it couldn’t possibly hurt.

“Sure…”

He had to know. He had to know what ridiculous trick they were trying to pull. It would definitely be something unbelievable, something outrageous. Something he’d never thought he’d see outside of fiction. It had to be. There had to be some kind of ulterior motive behind it all.

The contract wasn’t as long as he would’ve expected it to be. He would’ve thought they’d try to drown him in information. Try to make sure he wouldn’t be able to pick up on anything suspicious. But it was no more than 20 pages, with all the information arranged in legible, carefully organized paragraphs. No dubious fine print. Nothing questionable.

He read the whole thing. Multiple times, even. Bombarded Natsume with question after question, hoping to catch him in a lie or contradiction. But it didn’t work. He couldn’t find anything. No matter how hard he looked, he just couldn’t. It was so surreal. He even subtly pinched himself to check if he was dreaming.

Once he’d run out of possible ammunition, he went still for a little while again, thinking silently. He almost felt like the room round him was spinning. He lifted his head, and their eyes met.

“Well? Have you come to a decision yet?” Natsume questioned, tone just as mellow as before.

Atsushi looked back down at the briefcase.

His palms were slick with sweat.

“…Perhaps we can work something out.”

* * *

“I do wish you hadn’t insisted on being so secretive, Rintarou… Why did you not simply talk to your friend about it?”

“Yes… I know, Father. I apologise for all the trouble I’ve caused.”

“I’m not chiding you. I’m just worried.”

“I did not want Minamoto-san to think that I was trying to meddle with her life or deceive her… That’s all. I do not know if she would have been willing to trust me.”

“I understand that. But you must know that she will find out eventually.”

“She will…?”

“…I would assume so. Unless she has the sort of relationship with her father where he would keep this from her.”

“You never gave him my name, though.”

“Well, yes, but… he does know of my name. If he mentions it to her, I can’t imagine it will be too difficult to connect the dots.”

…

“Oh… I… did not think of that.”

“Oh, dear…”

“Natsume is not an uncommon last name, though! There is still hope.”

“Rintarou… Why won’t you just tell her the truth? I’m sure she would be happier to hear it from you than from her father.”

“But-”

“You’ve told me she has been extraordinarily understanding and kind-hearted towards you. Even if she doubts you or gets upset with you, I’m sure she will forgive you as long as you apologise.”

“…Perhaps.”

“You should have more faith in your friends. You can’t keep going behind their backs if you’re aiming to establish mutual trust between you.”

“Yes… I know that. But…”

“But?”

“I am just… afraid of the problems it could cause. I don’t mind so much if they come to dislike me. I’d rather avoid it, if possible, but… the thought of leaving them without assistance upsets me a lot more. I fear Minamoto-san may stop confiding me if she finds that I’ve crossed a line, and I’m worried she may get into trouble without telling me.”

“Don’t you trust your friends more than that? Do you not think they’ll be capable of taking care of themselves?”

“…Maybe not. Even if they’d take it as an insult, I’m not sure if I do…”

…

“I know I’m being selfish. But it’s a selfishness that I’m not willing to part with. Not yet, at least.”

“…Very well, then. I won’t push the issue any further.”

“Thank you.”

…

“I’m grateful for everything, Father. I promise I will repay you for all this.”

“You can repay me by making sure you’re happy. That is the only thing that I would ask you for.”

“I-”

“Invite your friends out sometime. Vacations ought to be enjoyed.”

“…I shall, if you say so. Thank you for the advice.”

“I have to go now; work is calling. I hope we’ll see each other soon.”

“Yes. I hope so too.”


	35. Gladiolus

_ Tears drip down your cheeks, one after another. Your throat is sore from crying. Your mom is doing her best to comfort you as she treats the cut on your finger, her voice gentle and soothing. One of her birds bit you. He drew blood, and it hurts, it hurts, it hurts. You cling to your mom as tightly as you can, and, even though it must be making her job that much harder, not a single complaint leaves her lips. _

_ After she’s done carefully wrapping the bandage around your finger, she holds you close. She murmurs words of comfort. It’s okay, it’s okay. She’s stroking your hair, she’s patting your back. _

_ Her hands are covered in cuts like that. She must be so strong, so brave, you think. So tough to be able to bear that kind of pain, and yet always smiling, always so warm and cheerful. She’s like a hero. You want to be just like her when you grow up. _

_ She gives you a kiss on the forehead and asks you if it still hurts. It does, but you shake your head. She must know that you’re lying, but she beams at your response anyway. She asks if you’d like some chocolate to make it all better. You shake your head again. _

_ You feel ashamed of crying. Your mom never does. You won’t be able to be like her if you keep tearing up at everything like this. So you tell her that you’re alright. That it’s okay. That you’re sorry for having caused trouble again. _

_ She forgives you with no hesitation. Because your mom is the kindest lady in the world, and she understands. _

_ You wonder if you could ever possibly become like that. It seems impossible. So far to reach. Your mom would tell you you’ll be able to for sure, though. So you’ll believe her. _

* * *

The clinic was filled with the sound of birds chirping, seemingly competing over who could scream the loudest. The average person probably would have been driven mad by so much noise. Fujinomiya Kotori, though, had grown used to it over the years, having often observed her mom at work.

They were closed today, but the birds that had to stay for monitoring obviously needed to be taken care of. So, there she was, the same as always, nonchalantly performing the tasks her mom had assigned her, her own birds wandering about the place freely, occasionally landing on her head or shoulder, eager to try to preen her.

For a long time now, she’d come to find the chirping more comforting than anything. No matter how loud it could get. No matter how much it made her head hurt at times. For her, it was the sound of home, bringing with it joyful memories. Her mom had told her she herself had just learned to tune it out – Kotori would often jokingly ask if she’d lost her hearing, since she didn’t even seem to notice when it started up from time to time.

Helping her mom out like this had probably been the happiest she’d ever been when she’d just been a child. That was why she’d brought her birds along to school, even though her mom had offered to take care of them for her. They had been a source of comfort. A reminder of her home.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket. She was in no rush to check her messages, though. The group chat had been going off yet again all morning, so for all she knew it was just a continuation of that. She’d even considered muting it at one point. She didn’t, though. Because she knew she’d forget to unmute it later, but also because it was kind of nice to be able to peek in on everyone getting along so well throughout each day. Even if she did feel bad for how much time she’d been spending on her own lately.

Her mom called her name from the back. Poking her head inside, she saw her squinting at a document, desperately attempting to decipher it. Her worn out lab coat hung over her tiny frame as loosely as always – she’d never been able to find one in her size, so she’d routinely roll the sleeves up and hope for the best –, her curls framing her round, soft face messily, bobby pins sticking out of them from where she’d tried to pull them back.

She gestured for Kotori to come closer.

“Little bird, could you help me read this bit? It’s so tiny…”

“Did you forget your glasses again?” Kotori sighed, walking over.

As she leaned over to peer at the paper, her mom gave her a peck on the cheek, squishing her face in the process. She let out the faintest noise of surprise.

“Thank you! I’ve no idea where my glasses went…”

“I’ll clean the place for you and see if I can find it.”

“Aw, you don’t have to do that!”

“Yes, I do. I don’t want you to keep losing things because of how messy everything is.”

“It’s not  _ that _ messy…”

“Mom, I love you, but the house is practically a pawn shop with everything you leave lying around. You don’t even have any use for half the stuff!”

“Hey, that’s not true! They’re important for emergencies!”

“We aren’t going to need 50 shopping bags, I promise. What kind of an emergency would that even be?”

“I- I don’t know… Maybe they’ll have a 90% sale on frozen veggies at the store.”

As far back as she could remember, her mom had always been extraordinarily messy. Each time she’d stay elsewhere for a while – either for school or a trip of some kind –, leaving her mom alone at home, the house would gradually turn into utter chaos. The clinic wasn’t  _ so _ bad. Her mom must’ve had an easier time keeping it organized with how much smaller it was. Their home, though, would always end up unrecognisable. Not even because of trash, just a ton of junk. Old forms and documents they had no use for anymore, bags, empty boxes, cables, books, mischievous knickknacks, all scattered as far as the eye could see, practically covering every inch of every surface.

She never  _ genuinely _ got mad at her mom for it, though, even if she did scold her for it quite frequently. As far as she knew, it wasn’t entirely her fault – or, at least, that was what her mom’s therapist had told her, and she had no reason not to believe it. Her mom did seem considerably bothered by it as well, after all, no matter how hard she tried to hide it.

She’d been told it was a side effect of her trauma. That was why she was always so absentminded, so skittish, so prone to leaving her belongings all over the place. It just wasn’t something she could help. And it wasn’t like Kotori minded cleaning up after her either. And she wasn’t really planning on moving out for a while even after graduation in a couple years. So maybe it wasn’t really anything worth being bothered by. She was just a bit worried how her mom would fair when she couldn’t hop over anytime to help her out anymore.

She read out all the papers her mom had been trying to decipher. She was just quickly updating some data, transferring information over to her computer, so it didn’t take especially long.

Afterwards, she stretched her back.

“I’ll step out for a bit, if that’s okay.”

“Sure thing! Don’t let a hawk carry you away,” her mom pinched her cheek.

Kotori whined with no real annoyance behind it.

She was careful not to let any of the birds escape as she left, closing the door behind her. She was mostly just looking for some fresh air and a short break. She’d been helping her mom out all day today, and she needed to recharge a bit. Granted, they were almost finished, but still…

Her phone was buzzing again.

She let out a sigh. Maybe it would’ve been better to at least check it. It might have been something important too, in which case she would’ve been better off not ignoring it.

She took it out to see a bunch of text notifications. Most of them people chattering away about nothing in particular in the group chat, just as she’d thought, and a couple questions in DMs about if she wanted to join a group outing sometime soon.

The newest one she’d received seemed to be from Natsume. It was probably the most ambiguous one: a lengthy, polite paragraph basically asking if she was free to hang out for a bit. And, surprisingly, she found herself not really wanting to say no, though it did take a considerable amount of wrestling with herself before she’d figured as much. If it would just be an innocent afternoon of spending time together, then she might as well go. Right? Just like what Yokoyama had told her. Even though she was still dodging settling on an actual date and time with her in particular.

Natsume was… different, though. They weren’t nearly as close, for one, which meant that awkward tension due to her absence was not very likely. He was also fairly easy to distract, though. He tended to just ramble and ramble, which she could surely take advantage of if he also started to badger her about her wellbeing.

She apologised to Yokoyama mentally. She probably ought to spend some time with her soon as well, unless she wanted her to start getting  _ really _ worried.

He seemed to be online still. They had a short chat – or as short as one could be when Natsume was involved –, and eventually agreed to meet up tomorrow. The location he’d picked was hopeful: a café she’d been to a couple times somewhere near the school. She’d enjoyed the atmosphere each time, so she was more than happy to agree. Part of her was hoping it would help take her mind off the Game for a while as well.  _ Somehow.  _ Just for a bit.

Her backup plan didn’t really ease her worries much. She’d only thought of it after she’d spent a couple hours scrolling through social media, hoping it would somehow serve as inspiration for what she should do. And it did – sort of –, but even when it had first popped into her mind she’d been pretty skeptical about it. It wasn’t like browsing hashtags was going to give her an accurate reflection of the audience’s feelings, surely…

She could hear her mom calling her name from inside. She said goodbye to Natsume and put her phone away.

She still had to cook soon as well. It probably would’ve been better to finish up here quickly so she’d have some time to spare later. Her mom must’ve been getting hungry too by now, and Kotori had already promised her she’d take care of meals for a while.

Worst case scenario, she supposed they could always just get takeout. She’d gotten so used to eating healthy, though, her stomach probably wouldn’t have been able to handle it that well. Her mom tended to snack so much, on the other hand,  _ she  _ might’ve been just fine.

Sometimes she had to wonder just who really was whose mom over here.

* * *

Kotori was woken up in the middle of the night.

She wasn’t a light sleeper per se, but her mom’s room was right next to hers, and at times she’d be roused from sleep from all the noise her mom would make tossing and turning and kicking around in her bed. Apparently she was completely unaware of it. Whenever she’d ask her about it, she didn’t seem to have any idea. But Kotori herself would sometimes find herself tangled up in her blanket in the morning, so she figured it must’ve been something genetic.

When she’d first discovered it, she’d assumed her mom was having nightmares. She  _ must _ have been; why else would she have struggled so frantically otherwise? Her mom, though, had only laughed, then thanked her for worrying. She’d said she didn’t really have nightmares anymore. Only after horror movies and novels, apparently. She wouldn’t have been surprised if she’d been right about it being nightmares, though.

Her mom used to be an actress. She’d started as a teen, from what she’d told her. Kotori had never seen any of the movies she’d been in, though. She wouldn’t have been able to sit through them even if she wanted to. They were ruined for her forever, once she’d learned of what her mom had had to go through while they were being made.

She’d never been told of all the details. Her mom wasn’t the type that liked to share these things, especially not with her. Maybe because she thought she wouldn’t be able to take it. Or maybe because she didn’t want to relive those memories if she could help it. But, if her therapist’s words were anything to go by, it must have been unbearable. Awful. Nothing that a teenage girl should have come in contact with.

As a child, she’d never really understood the gravity of it. Not in its entirety. Her mom had still been the midst of everything when she’d been born, so she grew up accepting these kinds of things as normal. When she got into acting as a young kid, wanting to be just like her mom, she didn’t even bat an eye at the lingering looks all the older men would give her. The way they’d insist on forcing her into things she wasn’t comfortable with – for the role, always for the role.

She’d gotten off easy. She knew that well enough now. She only really realised that something was wrong from how the other children were acting. She’d been too young at the time to really put a finger on why, but something had just felt…  _ off _ .

So she’d snuck into the director’s office one day and hid in one of the cupboards, a camera in her hands. She’d thought she was going to catch something scary. Like maybe a ghost or a demon of some kind – maybe the place was haunted, and that’s what all the other kids were so afraid of. If she could capture the ghost in video form, maybe she’d be able to find a way to free it somehow.

She never did find a ghost. As a matter of fact, the video she’d recorded ended up completely black. She’d been too anxious to even peek when she’d heard people coming inside, so she only managed to get the audio.

Just the audio had turned out to be enough, apparently. She hadn’t understood what she’d heard, but she’d at least known it to be bad. So she’d turned it in at a police station. The next day, they showed up in the middle of filming and sent all the children home. She could remember seeing many of the adults taken away in police cars.

What was going down behind the scenes at Hope’s Peak couldn’t possibly measure up to that. She knew that. In comparison, it seemed  _ almost _ harmless. Almost. But just because it seemed that way didn’t mean that it was actually true.

Her mind flashed back to the day Chiba had run off in the middle of filming. To Minamoto, having been humiliated on live TV. To everything Yokoyama had told her. Maybe she was projecting her own experiences onto everything, maybe that was why she felt so, so unbearably angry about it all, but even if her reaction was overblown – which she didn’t care to consider, quite frankly –, it wasn’t something they could just leave be.

They weren’t going to just agree to her request to end it, even if she won. Truth be told, she’d known that from the start. But it was the only thing she’d been able to think of that someone like her could do. Someone with no authority, no power.

She supposed that was what her backup plan was for. Until she could think of something better, it was going to have to do.

She massaged her temples with a tired sigh. Why did everything have to be so complicated…?

* * *

Natsume was beyond punctual, as always. Even though Kotori herself arrived somewhat early, he still managed to beat her there. Although she did suppose him still staying at the school may have played a part in why.

Natsume had never been someone she’d felt particularly close to. Unlike many of the others, she didn’t actually have any issues with him per se – he could be a little odd, but it wasn’t as though he was the only eccentric person around, and while his lines of logic tended to be more unusual, they still made plenty of sense in their own right. And one would’ve thought they had plenty in common, considering their mutual love for animals.

If she’d been asked about it, she would have brushed it off as coincidence. Most of her friends she’d made against her will, dragged to social outings she wouldn’t have intended to attend if she could’ve helped it. For as long as she’d known him, Natsume had always been far too respectful to resort to something like that. So, ironically, she’d end up talking to him far less because of it. That was pretty much all there was to it.

Despite that, though, she could still tell there was something off about him today. Not in a bad way – or at least she hoped –, but something to be noted nonetheless. He seemed to have something on his mind, something that was enough to keep him from going off on the gargantuan amount of tangents he normally would’ve been prone to.

Maybe if she had known him better, she would have been more suspicious from the get-go. As things were, though, her alarm bells only started to ring once he requested he follow her elsewhere after about an hour or so of light chatting.

“You are not obligated to accompany me, of course,” he assured her. “If you so choose to flee at any time, I will not stop you.”

Perhaps calling them ‘alarm bells’ may have been a bit much. Even if she did have a slight bad feeling about it all, Natsume had never given her cause in the past to be wary of him.

“If you’ve planned anything weird…”

She wasn’t sure how to finish that sentence.

“I am not sure what you would classify as ‘weird’, if I am to be honest.”

“…Of course you’d say that.”

“Rest assured, though, it is nothing sinister. Or… I would hope not.”

That last part didn’t really help, but…  _ ah, well _ . She supposed she  _ could _ just leave whenever if she wanted to. At least checking out what he wanted from her couldn’t possibly hurt.

So, she followed him. Even when they had to get on a train. He’d offered to call them a taxi, but she’d declined on account of not really wanting to be carsick. So, instead, he offered her the only free seat. That, she did accept.

It took a couple more minutes of walking after the train ride, but they did eventually arrive at their presumed destination: a large mansion with a beautiful, albeit slightly overgrown garden, statues, birdhouses and birdbaths scattered throughout. She wouldn’t have needed much further confirmation to be able to deduce that it was most likely Natsume’s home, but the cheerful old lady tending to the garden called out a ‘Welcome back!’ that cemented it even more.

“A relative?” Kotori inquired; Natsume shook his head. “Gardener, then.”

“Indeed.”

With Natsume being… well,  _ Natsume _ , he stayed to chat with the lady for a little while. Kotori couldn’t say she minded. The birds and squirrels in the trees and shrubbery were cute enough to keep her attention in the meantime. Once he finally returned to her to apologise for getting sidetracked, she let him know with a soft sigh that it was alright.

He guided her to the back. Then, opening the back door, he gestured for her to go right inside. She raised a brow.

“What am I about to see in there?”

Natsume didn’t seem nervous at all about her skeptical stare.

“Nothing that will upset you, I hope.”

“You don’t sound awfully sure.”

“I dislike speaking in absolutes. There is always a chance.”

A practical, very  _ Natsume _ answer. She supposed that was fair.

She was still kind of uneasy, but she’d already come this far. Besides, she figured Natsume would be more than eager to make it up to her if things didn’t turn out so well. So, rolling her eyes lightly in mild exasperation, she stepped into the dimly lit room… only to be met with a chorus of voices:

“This is an intervention!”

She wouldn’t have considered herself easy to startle. That said, she still jumped as a small group of familiar faces revealed themselves from their hiding places inside. Rena, Nao, Momoko, Aragaki and Yuki, all varying levels of enthusiastic. Minamoto, peeking out from under a table. And Yokoyama in the corner, wringing her hands, clearly stressed out of her mind if her ashen complexion was anything to go by.

Kotori gave them all a flat look. Despite how calm she managed to appear on the outside, her heart was racing with anxiety a little. She hadn’t been prepared to see any of them today. Were they about to chew her out for not having been good enough of a friend lately…? She wasn’t the type to cry, but something like that from all of them at once might have been enough to break her.

Fortunately, it seemed like she must have been worried about nothing. Momoko spoke up, wearing an uncertain smile.

“Was the ‘intervention’ part really necessary…? Kotori-chan might misunderstand…”

“That’s right,” Kotori crossed her arms, “was any of this really needed…?”

“I mean, like, we kinda needed a way to lure you out…” Nao shrugged. She promptly took a seat atop Minamoto’s hiding spot, swinging her legs back and forth. “You were totally just gonna dodge us if we invited you the normal way.”

“It was Natsume-san’s idea, if you’re looking for someone to blame,” Aragaki piped up, hands in her pockets. Kotori turned around to give him an incredulous look, and he raised both his hands.

“Now, now, it is true that I may have come up with the idea itself, but Yokoyama-san had been the one to seek my advice in the first place. She’d mentioned she was worried about your mental wellbeing. Besides, everyone else had accepted my proposition fairly easily-”

Kotori’s head whipped back around, and Yokoyama snapped to attention. She immediately lowered her head.

“I… apologise, Fujinomiya-san. I really didn’t intend to upset you. I take full responsibility-”

“I’m not upset,” Kotori shook her head, though she was sure her disgruntled appearance was hardly doing her any favors. Despite that, Yokoyama actually seemed to take her at her word.

“You’re… not?”

“I’m not. Mildly peeved, at most. Maybe I  _ should _ be mad, but,” she begrudgingly let her arms drop to her sides, “your heart was in the right place,  _ I guess. _ I’d feel bad if I chided you for it.”

“But-”

“It’s  _ fine _ ,” she cut her off firmly, narrowing her eyes and cocking her head to the side. “It’s not as if I had any plans for the rest of the day either way. And… I sort of appreciate the sentiment.”

Yokoyama seemed to deflate like a balloon, all the tension leaving her body at once; for a moment, Kotori was sure she was about to collapse on the floor. It took all her willpower not to break into a faint, fond smile.

Her friends were still her friends. Even if she did consider the situation a little ridiculous, she couldn’t find it in herself to get mad. Part of her was kind of glad, even. Because they were right. She wouldn’t have been able to accept if they had invited her out in a normal, straightforward manner.

“I just wish you wouldn’t have been so  _ weird _ about it,” she let out a deep sigh. In response, she received a mix of flustered laughs and guilty looks.

_ Fine. _ It would probably be okay for her to go along with this whole thing. Her earlier coffee with Natsume hadn’t managed to relax her as much as she would’ve liked – possibly because she’d been so focused on trying to figure out why he’d seemed so weird –, but it had still served as a useful distraction. Surely this would be the same way.

* * *

The ‘party’, or whatever she was supposed to call it, didn’t turn out too bad. Yuki had brought over all sorts of homemade sweets and snacks, all of which were, as expected, absolutely delicious. The compliments were endless, but he was used to that sort of thing already, so he didn’t seem too flustered about it all.

They had a couple drinks – some more than others –, but not enough for things to devolve into utter chaos. As always, Nao was the heaviest drinker, seemingly taking great pleasure in showing how much she could down and barely have it affect her. Natsume remarked that she ought to start drinking less. She countered that by announcing she hadn’t had a drink in a while anyway. He reluctantly let her convince him to try one of her impromptu cocktails. She giggled at how much the taste seemed to offend him.

Aragaki, surprisingly enough, kept her phone in her pockets for the most part the entire time. She didn’t seem more talkative than the usual, but she  _ must _ have been more engaged, because the amount of ‘are you seeing this?’ looks she exchanged with Kotori was far more than she would’ve expected.

Rena and Momoko took turns suggesting games to play. Each one started out fairly normal, but it became fairly obvious after a while that half the people in the group were going to do their best to bend the rules as much as possible for their own amusement. And nobody minded enough to try to stop them, which caused things to inevitably spiral into utter ridiculousness each time.

Yokoyama apologised to her a couple more times, though she didn’t seem nearly as bothered as she’d been at the beginning. Kotori had already forgiven her and everyone else, so she moved onto gently teasing her about it instead until Yokoyama’s face had already turned beet red. She chuckled under her breath about it.

Minamoto only had a single drink. Yokoyama seemed to have given up on stopping her. Despite the defeated ‘go ahead’ she’d received, though, she sipped on it fairly slowly, shaking her head when asked if she wanted a refill. A pleasant surprise, for sure. Kotori would have thought she’d go absolutely crazy and pass out on the floor or something.

Despite everyone’s best efforts, she didn’t entirely manage to loosen up. Not  _ really _ . Everything, all her worries and anxieties remained at the back of her mind, looming over her as always, quietly reminding her she was wasting her time by relaxing here.

She did her best to squash them. She wasn’t so uptight that she couldn’t kick back and have fun for a single afternoon, she told herself. And it wasn’t as though she  _ wasn’t _ having fun. Everyone was really sweet and nice, and the dumb jokes they kept making did get a few subdued laughs out of her every once in a while. By all means, they should’ve achieved their goal.

Still, she found herself in need of some air after a couple more hours. She excused herself quietly to step out for a bit, her head swimming with all sorts of thoughts she wished she could rid herself of. Maybe she should have tried to sleep better last night. Maybe that would have helped, if only a little.

She sank down onto the ground, letting her head rest against the wall. The sun still hadn’t gone down yet, though it seemed like it was going to start soon. After she’d gotten so used to the air conditioning indoors, the humid weather outside really wasn’t making her feel any better.

She blinked as she heard the door open, and she turned her head to see Minamoto peeking outside, gripping the doorway, clearly stiff and nervous. Her glasses were the slightest bit crooked.

“Can I help you?” Kotori addressed her in a tone she was hoping wouldn’t come off as accusatory. Minamoto bit her lip.

“Uh… Sorry if I’m bothering you.”

“It’s fine. What do you need?”

“Nothing, really. I, uhm… you just seemed a little upset, so I figured I should…”

She didn’t complete the thought, but she didn’t need to. After a few more moments of scattered glances and sentence attempts that fell apart, she stepped outside and closed the door behind her, taking a seat on the ground herself.

“You’ll get sick sitting on the cold concrete like that, Minamoto-san.”

“Wh- You’re doing the same thing…!”

She seemed  _ so _ genuinely annoyed in such a pure, childlike way, Kotori couldn’t hold back a smile.

“That was supposed to be a light joke.”

“O-oh…”

“It’s okay. I was probably too deadpan.”

Minamoto seemed to be fumbling with her scarf.

“Is something bothering you, Fujinomiya-san?”

“Nothing out of the ordinary. Just the usual.”

After how headstrong she’d made herself sound in front of Minamoto, there was no way she could actually tell her the truth. In fact, she doubted she could be honest about it to  _ anyone _ . Her pride wouldn’t have allowed her to.

Minamoto’s bottom lip was jutting out.

“Are you nervous about the Game? Or…?”

That guess was scarily close, but it did make sense that she would’ve jumped to that, considering their past interactions.

“In a way.”

“I feel like you shouldn’t have to worry about that. You’ve been doing just fine. In my opinion, anyway. Better than me, at least…”

“I think you did great, all things considered.”

“Y-yeah, you already said that…”

“I’m reiterating it.”

Minamoto huffed.

“Well, I think you’re also doing great! Being able to balance uni work and this stuff is stressful enough already. A lot of people wouldn’t be able to do it. The fact that you’re still carrying on with it is really cool and admirable, if you ask me. And you need to lower your expectations in regards to yourself, if you don’t agree with that.”

She never said that she didn’t, but… at the same time, she  _ had _ been pretty harsh with herself, even if not about the performances themselves. So… even if Minamoto wasn’t right on the mark, maybe she did have a point in there somewhere.

She was drumming with her fingers.

“Besides,” Minamoto quickly continued, “even if you mess up, it’ll probably still be fine. I mean… look what happened to me. I think… people will get it as long as you’re trying. You just have to… you know… touch their hearts. Not that I’m telling you to burst into tears or anything, but-”

_ Of course _ she wouldn’t have taken it that way. Such a silly, dorky girl. Before she could even react, though, the door opened yet again, narrowly avoiding smacking into Minamoto in the process.

“What are you guys doing out here…? Are you okay?”

Yuki sounded just a little concerned. Minamoto hopped to her feet with great energy, dusting off her skirt.

“Yep! Nothing to see here.”

_ Nothing, indeed. _

Minamoto probably had no idea, but that sort of reassurance was exactly what Kotori had been looking for. Even if she didn’t trust Minamoto’s judgement as much as her own, confirmation of her hopes was still nice to have. And while it wasn’t at all enough to allow her stomach to settle down – not even close –, it was just the push she needed to really,  _ fully _ harden her resolve.

_ Nothing ventured, nothing gained… as they say. _

She nodded to Yuki and allowed him to pull her to her feet.


	36. Acacia

_ “Ahh, geez, I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to run you over like that, I promise…” _

_ “Like I said, it’s alright. I’m fine. I’m pretty sure, at least…” _

_ “Gosh… By the way, do I… know you from somewhere?” _

_ “Fujinomiya Kotori. I’ve seen you in class at uni, so that’s probably it. I don’t think we’ve ever talked, though.” _

_ “Oh, that might be it! Well, it’s nice to meet you. I’m-” _

_ “Hayama-san. Am I right?” _

_ “Y-yeah, actually… Wow. I feel kind of bad I didn’t remember your name now…” _

_ “It’s okay. It’s probably harder to remember anyway.” _

_ “Haha, maybe…” _

_ … _

_ “Anyways, uhm… I’m actually going to karaoke with a couple friends right now. Do you, like, wanna come with? It’s totally cool if you’re busy, by the way! Just offering.” _

_ “Ah, uh… Sure…? I wasn’t really doing much anyway, but… are you sure your friends wouldn’t mind?” _

_ “No, not at all! We were actually kind of struggling to find enough people, hahaha…” _

_ “I see.” _

_ “But alright, awesome! Are you free to go right now? If you just come right this way…” _

* * *

Today was the day. Not the  _ final _ day of filming yet, but getting there. With only 5 people left, all of them were around for a change. Rena in a cutesy, frilly dress, patiently standing around and observing everyone else. Momoko visibly nervous, hands clasped over her chest, muttering presumed reassurances to herself. Kageyama casually hanging out on the side, hands in his pockets, rhythmically tapping his feet. Aragaki completely motionless, eyes staring off into the far distance. And Fujinomiya Kotori herself, once again wearing the outfit Rena had made for her, though without her birds this time around.

She was pleasantly surprised by how oddly calm she felt after everything. She would’ve been a liar to say her hopes were especially high, but she was already fairly used to that by now. At worst, she was just going to make herself look somewhat silly. That was definitely something she could live with – it wasn’t like this would have been the first time.

When Momoko turned out to be up first, she looked like her soul had just about left her body. Even after some short encouragements from everyone else, she still seemed fairly jittery… which was kind of odd, considering she should’ve been used to these situations already, with all the episodes she’d already participated in, and, even before that, all the matches she’d played in front of huge audiences.

Maybe this was too different. She  _ was _ completely on her own this time around, so maybe that was what was making her so anxious. Either way, Kotori wasn’t especially worried about her. Momoko was generally fairly good at handling herself.

Come to think of it, Kotori hadn’t actually asked her what she was going to be performing. She… hadn’t asked  _ most _ of her friends. It just never really came up, with how little she enjoyed bringing up the topic at all – if anything, it seemed like the others would deliberately do their best to avoid talking about it around her. That, she did feel fairly grateful for, even if part of her did wonder if she should’ve showed more interest in it for their sake.

Either way, it was too late to be regretting things now. She was sure Momoko and everyone else would understand. Besides, she  _ was  _ going to be watching things pretty closely today. That would surely make up for it.

Not too long ago, she’d caught a glimpse of Momoko doing stretches on the side, so she supposed she was most likely going to partake in something athletic. Kotori herself actually would have thought she’d have prepared a short little theatrical show like Izumi had, considering how much fondness she seemed to harbor for it, but she supposed maybe not. Momoko did tend to get pretty embarrassed when she had to show off a skill in front of others that she wasn’t entirely confident in. Which was… pretty much anything but sports.

As a song started to play over the speakers, she could see Momoko take a deep breath. And then she began.

In hindsight, a gymnastics dance routine made perfect sense for her. Something still within her comfort zone that she had a fair bit of experience with, but could also easily turn into something extremely engaging for outsiders to watch. And just as Kotori had thought, she quickly found her groove, her expression gradually shifting to that of intense focus.

She’d asked Momoko in the past why she practiced sports so hard when she wasn’t actually planning on pursuing any of them professionally. Because, really, her dedication to every single one she’d partaken in had been  _ insane _ . Momoko herself had always just brushed it off as ‘the bare minimum’ in her eyes, but Kotori had never met someone else that had actually agreed with her.

So when she’d voiced the question, Momoko hadn’t even known how to respond to it at first. She’d just lifted a hand to her neck, her face scrunching up in concentration, her weight shifting from one foot to another over and over. In the end, she’d just shrugged. ‘Because it’s fun,’ she’d said, ‘and I like the feeling of being good at something’.

Momoko was usually the type to undersell herself, Kotori had noticed a long time ago. She didn’t have the best self-esteem, and while she could be weirdly competitive at times, she’d always react with the same sweet, childlike excitement whenever she’d actually end up winning at something. And her incredible dedication to pretty much every single aspect of her life was definitely one of those things that she just didn’t seem to consider extraordinary despite everything. The others would have agreed with her for sure.

As Momoko’s routine went on, Kotori wondered how much practice it must have taken for her to put all this together. She already spent hours and hours practicing for her club and cramming for all her classes – how could she have found any free time on top of that? It was clearly something she’d poured lots of blood, sweat and tears into, though – just a single slip from start to finish, and even that she managed to immediately correct so swiftly that if Kotori hadn’t been looking so closely, she wouldn’t have even noticed.

By the time Momoko was finished, she didn’t seem even a little exhausted. As always, it seemed as though her energy supply was practically endless. She took a stylish bow, then began to do stretches once again as soon as she was off the stage, not even taking a moment to catch her breath and relax.

Kotori walked over.

“You did a wonderful job, Momoko-san.”

“Thanks!” Momoko was beaming. “I think so too. My nerves were killing me until the last minute, but I basically nailed it. I think.”

Even if she probably wasn’t going to be getting any sponsorships out of this relevant to her preferred career, the fact that she seemed happy enough with it was enough to make Kotori feel quite pleased as well.

These parts… weren’t so bad. If they’d put someone in charge that had actually cared, this whole Game could have easily turned out to be something really fun. Maybe everyone involved would have been able to enjoy it as much as Momoko and Rena.

Kotori did suppose that the fact that at least some of them were in good spirits was quite nice, if nothing else. As she saw Rena preparing for her turn, it was hard not to be charmed by her giddy attitude. Rena just wasn’t the type to overthink these sorts of things, which was probably why she was able to have fun so easily.

Last time, she’d chosen to show off a whole bunch of outfits she’d made. This time, the only thing she changed was the dresses themselves. That, also, was very much like her. So confident in her talents, so sure that just her usual self would be enough to woo everybody. It was definitely working on Momo, with how smitten she appeared to be.

Kotori could have sworn she’d heard Aragaki mumble ‘get a room’ under her breath, but when she actually turned to look at her, she seemed to be in the exact same state she’d last seen her. That is to say: still as a statue, expression blank.

Was Aragaki nervous at all? The image was difficult to even picture. Kotori had seen her flustered before, so she knew she was at least  _ capable _ of it, but even then her reactions had always tended to be fairly subdued. Kotori herself hadn’t really figured out how to get a good read on her even after so much time.

As Rena struck a cute pose, ending her turn, Aragaki finally seemed to snap out of whatever trance she’d been in until now.

“Poor Yuriko-chan… She’s totally scared out of her mind right now,” Momoko sighed. Rena took a seat next to her, having rushed right over as soon as she was free.

“Hehehe… Oh, she’ll be just fine!”

“Probably, but still… Knowing her, she’ll sprint right back to her room and scream into a pillow after this…”

_ Huh.  _ So Aragaki did struggle with things like stage fright after all. Kotori wouldn’t have guessed.

Rena patted the space next to them.

“Kotori-chan, come sit with us! You’ll get tired standing like that the whole time.”

“I’m alright. I don’t know if I can remain as focused if I sit down.”

“ _ Booooo… _ I bet it wouldn’t make much of a difference.”

“Then why did you suggest it?”

“That’s not what I meant! Oh, geez… I bet you’re just afraid you’ll flatten your butt,” she stuck her tongue out.

Kotori gave her a flat look, to which she giggled.

“Don’t bully Kotori-chan, c’mon.”

“I’m innocent, I swear!”

Well, Kotori didn’t really mind. Rena was just like that.

Aragaki walked over to the stage; it was her turn next. If Momoko’s assessment had really been correct, Kotori had to applaud her for hiding her agitation so well. She seemed so composed, so calm, maybe even a little bored. The same way she always tended to look, really.

From the microphone that had been set up for her, Kotori already had a fairly decent idea of what she was about to do. She’d been to karaoke enough times with her to know what her tastes were. Every single time without fail, Aragaki would pick songs within the same genre, to a point where she’d be asked if she ever got tired of it. She’d always just shrug. Or smirk, rarely.

And as the death metal started blasting from the speakers, Kotori nodded to herself.  _ Of course. _ Momoko and Rena were both already just as used to this as she was. Kageyama seemed delighted, his eyes sparkling where he stood, his feet tapping along to the rhythm, looking as though it was taking all his willpower not to dance along.

Aragaki’s voice was deep and powerful. It must have been shocking to anyone who’d only run into her once or twice before, since it was such a stark contrast to the deadpan and quiet way she tended to speak. She was scarily good at screaming and growling to an extent that Kotori was already feeling secondhand pain to her vocal chords. Coupled with the intense headbanging, it was pretty exhausting to just watch.

The first time they’d gone out to karaoke together, Rena had been so amused by the whole experience, she wouldn’t stop teasing Aragaki about it for the entire rest of the day. ‘So that’s why you’re so toned!’, she’d exclaimed. Aragaki hadn’t left any of her comments without a snarky retort of her own, though her face had definitely seemed a little red by the end of it.

Out of curiosity, Kotori had asked her if she’d be willing to teach her one time. She herself liked singing a fair bit, and at the time she’d thought it might be a fun little exercise. She also hadn’t been all that familiar with Aragaki back then, so she’d hoped it would allow them to open up to each other a little more. And practice itself had actually gone surprisingly well, but she’d also managed to lose her voice almost completely for several days after.

Aragaki had apologised to her for not having done a good enough job as her teacher. She’d seemed so sincere and genuine, like she’d actually felt guilty for it. Kotori had assured her it wasn’t her fault, although her failed attempt at speaking certainly hadn’t done much to put Aragaki’s mind at ease. And the very next day, she’d gifted her a package of knickknacks: a portable humidifier and a whole bunch of different teas… When Kotori had asked her what for, she’d dodged all her questions and simply told her to get well soon. It was quite funny, thinking back to it now.

Aragaki’s finish was just as strong as the start had been. For a second, Kotori was mildly worried that she was about to chuck the microphone away and maim someone with it, but she ended up setting it down about as normally as she could’ve managed.

“I’m pretty sure I’ve lost half my hearing, but it’s Aragaki-chan so I’ll forgive her,” Rena remarked in a lighthearted manner. Momo gave her a small shove.

In the end, Aragaki joined the group and sat down alongside them. Apart from being a little sweaty – which her leather outfit hid excellently –, she seemed to be just fine. Momoko even noted how relieved she thought she looked. Aragaki brushed all their comments aside, but Kotori was sure Momoko was right.

Now, with Kageyama on the other hand, she had absolutely zero clue what he was going to do. She’d never really talked to him much, and though he’d always seemed pleasant enough, from what she’d seen of him he had the tendency to be far more impulsive than she would’ve liked, in ways far too anxiety-inducing for comfort. Like Akiyama after one too many drinks, except… sober.

She was at least glad to see he didn’t have any weapons on him this time around. Last time had made her worry more than enough, and she hadn’t even been there in person. She was about to allow herself to let her guard down, when-

_ Ah. Of course. Fire juggling: truly the safest activity to choose to perform. _ How on earth he’d managed to get through life relatively unscathed up until this point when these were the sorts of things he got up to for fun on a regular basis, she had no clue. She might have been better off asking one of his friends about it. Although judging by all the times she tended to overhear him being scolded, she wasn’t sure they’d have an answer for her either.

Thankfully it seemed as though she wasn’t the only sane person around, as she could see several people standing by with fire extinguishers in case things went wrong. By some miracle, they didn’t. If nothing else, Kageyama did seem to have the skill to back up his adrenaline-filled ventures, and he finished the act in high spirits, finger guns galore.

As he rushed over, he very much resembled a cute little puppy seeking approval from its owner.

“What’d you think, guys? Wasn’t I super freaking cool out there!?”

Aragaki gave him a thumbs up, and Rena clapped her hands excitedly.

“It did make me feel a bit on edge, I’m not gonna lie…”

Momoko, as always, the voice of reason.  _ Thank god. _

“I practiced enough, don’t worry! I’ve done  _ waaaayyy _ scarier stuff before. This is nothing!”

Kotori felt sorry for his friends’ blood pressure.

Then, as everyone looked over to her, she realised she was up next.  _ Right. _ She couldn’t lose her concentration. She took a deep breath, rewarding all the wishes of good luck with a nod of acknowledgement.

If only things could’ve been this nice from the start. If only everything had been this lighthearted and fun. That was what she’d hoped her college life would be like in the first place. Spending time with her friends, taking classes she was actually interested in, relaxing in her room on her days off with her birds, maybe occasionally stressing over a particularly difficult assignment. That was how it had first seemed too.

Standing on the stage, Minamoto’s words from the party she’d been dragged to were still echoing in her mind. Audiences could be cruel, but they could also be kind. At the end of the day, they were all still people. Regular people, just like her and everybody else here. She couldn’t just discount that. With that in mind…

She began to dance, the long ribbons on the back of her dress fluttering after her. Despite everything, she still loved to sing and dance. It would make her mom happy whenever she held a little show for her at home, and there were few things she found more enjoyable than going out with her friends to sing together. She wasn’t really sure why, how it hadn’t been tainted enough by bitter memories… but, then again, she also didn’t think she needed a reason for it. The others would have poked fun at her if she’d tried to think too hard about it. Nao  _ definitely _ would’ve. Yokoyama  _ might _ have tried to brainstorm along with her for a bit, but she most likely would’ve still arrived at the same conclusion.

So… she’d just accepted it. She’d accepted it as a part of herself a long time ago. And with each step she took, with each twirl and spin and elegant jump, those were the same feelings filling her chest.

She wondered if that was how her mom felt too. If she’d had any love for performing arts, and that was why she’d gotten swept up in everything in the first place. If she had any good memories left, or if she could only harbor sadness and melancholy towards it. Surely, she must have at least cared for it at least a  _ little _ , with how enthusiastic she’d be each time Kotori would perform for her.

She would have deserved being able to experience it without being hurt. She  _ should _ have. Kotori would have given it to her with no hesitation, if she’d had the power to.

Her dance was coming to a close. She wasn’t done yet, though. She still had one thing left to do, one thing left to try. Something that she really didn’t have much faith in, but figured she could at least attempt. And so, once the routine itself was finished, she stood in place, back straight, arms folded behind her back. And she began to talk.

In her heart, she had so much respect for Yokoyama. When she’d given her speech – whether or not it really did qualify as one –, vague as it had been, there had still clearly been a lot of passion and sincerity behind it. And she hadn’t seemed regretful nor ashamed of herself at all, even after pouring it all out like that in front of so many people. And something like that, Kotori thought was genuinely admirable.

She wondered if Yokoyama had felt the same way back then that she was feeling right now. Perhaps not. She was sure Yokoyama would have fumbled if she had had to talk in the more natural, straightforward way she was doing right now. And she knew she herself wouldn’t have been able to feel truly comfortable in Yokoyama’s place either, with pre-written lines to read. And that was fine. They were far too different people, deep down.

Still, though. She hoped Yokoyama would understand at least a bit, the feelings she was trying to convey.

In as few words as she could manage, without sacrificing the emotional impact behind them – or she sure hoped so, at least –, she spoke to the audience themselves, pleading with their conscience. She recounted the things Yokoyama had told her, she reminded them of Chiba, of Minamoto, and… of herself. Of being treated as just a toy, just an object of amusement.

Part of her felt a little silly, voicing everything so honestly. Because if nobody ended up caring, what would have been the point? She’d just be getting herself in trouble for no reason. But… then again, Yokoyama had been the same way. She was sure she must have felt worried. And yet, she’d carried herself with so much dignity, even after something many people would have considered a failure. Izumi had even bad-mouthed her for it.

She stopped talking once she figured the cameras must have been switched off, as she was being ushered away. That part didn’t come as a shock, even if a tired sigh did leave her lips. She’d done all she could. And if trouble was going to be coming, she was determined to deal with it.

Just as she was about to leave the gym, though, Aragaki perked up.

“Oi- Fujinomiya-san, come over here.”

Kotori shoved past the staff that were trying to escort her away, sending each one that tried to stand in her path a sharp glare. Aragaki was looking at her phone, Rena, Momoko and Kageyama all crowded behind her, peering at the screen over her shoulders. As soon as Kotori got close enough, Aragaki held it out for her to see.

“Look how fast it’s dropping in views, damn… It’s not just my browser bugging out, is it?”

_ Wow. _ She was right. The number of viewers on the stream were plummeting  _ awfully _ fast; way faster than she’d ever seen before. Her heart jumped in her chest. Had it really worked after all…? Her palms were so sweaty.

The others started checking their phones as well.

“No, it’s definitely not just you… Jesus.”

“Oh, look, someone clipped the last bit!  _ That one _ is shooting up in views…”

“No kiddin’… That’s kinda rad. Fujinomiya, you’re totally blowing up!”

She  _ really _ didn’t think it was actually going to lead to anything. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing. She’d been so foolish, so defeatist… She should have known not to discount any option before trying, no matter how useless it would’ve first seemed. And to think that she almost had…

She really owed Minamoto a thank you.

* * *

“Yuzuru-san…! Have you seen Fujinomiya-san-?”

“Huh? She left for home, I think.”

“O-oh, I see…”

“The staff were super pissed off with her, haha. Kazuma told me she ran off before things could escalate.”

“I hope she’ll be alright…”

“I’m sure she will. I’m pretty sure they’ve got their hands full with all the angry messages they’re being flooded with. It’s all over the internet.”

“Oh, yeah, I’ve seen those! Some of them are… really creepy, though. It makes me worry for Fujinomiya-san…”

“Yeahhhh, some of them read as pretty obsessive… But I guess you gotta expect that shit with stuff like this.”

“Ugh…”

“Yeah, it sucks. I know. Don’t read too many of them if you wanna maintain your sanity.”

_ Pat pat. _

“What do you think is going to happen now…? Have you, uhm… Have you heard anything?”

“Not much. Dunno if they can do anything right now, though, considering I highly doubt anyone here’s gonna wanna play along.”

“Yeah, that’s true.”

…

“Do you think Natsurin-san might be able to do something?”

“Wh- Where did that even come from?”

“W-well, because…! He’s basically a miracle worker, isn’t he?”

“What do you even want him to do? Buy up the school? I really don’t think he’s  _ that _ rich, c’mon…”

…

“Or… I’m pretty fucking sure he’s not. Argh, now you’ve got me second-guessing…”

“I-”

“No no no, I don’t even wanna imagine. It’s too weird. My brain is melting at the thought.”

“Alright, geez! Either way… could you just let me know if you hear anything? I feel like I won’t be able to stop vibrating until I know everything will turn out fine…”

“I bet that won’t be for a while, y’know.”

“Uwaahhh…”

“But yeah, fine. I’m sure we’ll be the first ones to know anyway, though.”

“L-listen, I just wanted the reassurance! Go be a gremlin bastard somewhere else.”

“You first, fetus.”

“Excuse you…!”


	37. Lilac

_ Dear Dad, _

_ Happy New Year! I’m staying at Natsurin-san’s place for a couple more days. Their house is so huge! It’s so easy to get lost in it… _

_ He also has so many pets! Snakes, frogs, lizards, and so on… Apparently most of them aren’t technically his, but he takes care of them anyway. He said none of them are venomous so I’m doing my best to get used to them but they’re still a little scary to be around sometimes. _

_ I cooked my first successful meal yesterday. Yuzuru-san and Yuki-san have been taking turns teaching me and Rena-neesan, and it’s actually going really well so far! Although Yuzuru-san keeps scolding me because I keep dropping things or cutting my hands by accident. He told me he was going to buy me a safety glove at this rate. The nerve! _

_ I’ve also been helping out Nakajima-san by teaching him poetry. He said it would be a useful skill to have for the kind of things he’s interested in writing. It’s kind of embarrassing, but it seems like he thinks I’m good at explaining these kinds of things, so hopefully that’ll turn out okay. _

_ I’ll be seeing you soon! _

_ Love, _

_ Setsuko _

_ P.S. Look how cute Nakajima-san’s new kitty is!!! It’s so adorable, I just want to pick it up and squish it… _

* * *

“Are you sure you do not wish to give it a try as well, Minamoto-san?”

“I don’t know… It looks kind of painful.”

“Only a little; I promise you the release afterwards is absolutely worth it.”

It was a little hard to concentrate on what Natsurin was saying with the moans and groans Yuki was letting out, and with the way his muscles kept contracting and relaxing. Even if Setsuko wasn’t crushing on him  _ anymore _ , she was still a young lady with needs; this sort of situation would have flustered anybody in her place, surely.

Yuki was lying shirtless on his stomach whilst Natsume was massaging his back with his sleeves rolled up, deep in concentration judging by the way he was furrowing his brows. When he’d told them he’d been learning massage therapy lately, she hadn’t expected this kind of atmosphere. Were massages always supposed to be like…  _ that _ ?

She almost felt like she was intruding on something.

“Can confirm…  _ Nngh… _ ” Yuki managed between breaths; she covered her face with both hands as her face began heating up.  _ Please. _ “It’s… pretty nice. Like… way too nice.  _ Ack- _ ”

“You’re not selling it to me by making those noises!” she whined.

“I can’t help it…!”

“Ah,” Natsurin interrupted, suddenly glancing up at the clock hanging on the wall, “won’t you two have to get going soon?”

“Eh-?”

“Do you not have a date with the others scheduled for today? I thought you were supposed to be meeting up soon.”

“Oh, right…” Setsuko blinked, lowering her hands. “At the arcade. I almost forgot. Thanks.”

“You are welcome.”

She tucked some of her hair behind her ear, her fingers brushing past the cute, golden bear that hung off of it.

“Say, Natsurin-san…”

“Yes?”

“Do you wanna come with?”

“Me?” his hands paused, but only for a moment. “Oh, I would love to. I also do not wish to intrude upon you all out of nowhere, though.”

“Oh, relax. I really don’t think anyone is going to mind.”

“I… agree…” Yuki panted, managing to lift one of his hands to flash him a thumbs up.

Natsurin breathed a deep sigh.

“Oh, you are both so kind… Very well, then. If you insist, it would be my pleasure to accompany you.”

Her phone was buzzing in her pocket. It was probably Yuzuru checking up on them to see how they were doing. He tended to do that, almost as if he didn’t trust them to get there on time. Such rudeness!

She plucked her phone out of her pocket anyway.

* * *

“You still messagin’ Setsuko?” Kazuma asked, peeking over at his phone. Yuzuru shrugged; true, they were way too early, so she couldn’t really blame either her or Yuki for not having gotten going yet, but still.

“I’m just making sure they’ll be ready soon. I don’t trust them to get here on time.”

Kazuma whistled.

“Harsh.”

“Hey, you wouldn’t have gotten here either if we hadn’t dragged your ass out here ourselves, I bet.”

“I have no excuses, Your Honor,” he giggled.

Just a couple feet away, Taka and Nao were engaged in a rather intense game of DDR. These kinds of games were probably the most exercise Yuzuru had ever seen Taka do. Even though he was already drenched in sweat, he was actually keeping up quite well with her. By contrast, although breathing a little heavily, she didn’t seem to be struggling nearly as much. If they went for a couple more rounds, she’d inevitably end up stomping the poor guy into dust.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Kazuma snaked an arm over his shoulder, gesturing over to one of the machines with his free hand. “Wanna go for a few rounds while we wait?”

Yuzuru followed the direction he was pointing, his eyes settling on one of the shooter games.  _ Of course _ Kazuma would pick that one. Despite the obvious choice, though, he didn’t exactly mind; in fact, his fighting spirit was beginning to flare up in his chest already.

“Oh, you’re on, buddy. Get ready to have your ass kicked.”

“Best of 5, yeah?”

“ _ Deal _ ,” he agreed in English. “Loser pays for dinner.”

“Hell yeah!”

They bumped fists.

* * *

“Booooo… Why do I still have to study at this time of year?”

“Rena-chan… You were the one who suggested the study group in the first place.”

“I know…! I know! But I’m so tireeeeed… I want to sleep…”

“Oh, geez… Yuriko-chan…?”

Momo seemed to be begging her to help somehow, her eyes practically like a pleading puppy’s. Yuriko stared back blankly.

She’d had the suspicion that things would turn out like this, but she’d ignored it until her hunch was proven true. Right now, though, with Momo and Tsutsui sitting opposite of her, the latter clinging to the former’s arm and trying to bargain with her to fool around instead of studying in all sorts of ways…

Yeah, she was definitely sort of feeling like a third wheel here. Not that she really minded – in fact, usually it was her preferred role in any group, since it allowed her to just be quiet on the side and do whatever she wanted, and even slip away whenever, if she felt it was time to go. However… she’d never really experienced it with an actual  _ couple _ before, and… well…

It was so awkward. So, so, so awkward.

Surely she wasn’t weird for feeling this way. With the kind of looks the other two kept giving each other, the way they’d playfully tease the other, the way they’d engage in embarrassingly intimate PDA… It was just all too much. For someone who’d never really enjoyed this kind of public attention, she couldn’t help but feel like everyone around was staring at them – even though they probably weren’t –, and the thought was driving her absolutely insane.

She couldn’t just up and leave, though. It was clear that without her these two would get absolutely nothing done.

_ Geez… _ Momo was normally so good at being productive during study sessions… What happened to that?

Suddenly feeling a pair of ice cold hands dig into her sides from behind, Yuriko let out a shriek, leaping up from her seat and smacking her knees on the table. Hearing the familiar giggles, she already knew who the culprit was before she’d even seen their face. Arranging her expression into one as neutral as she could manage, trying her best to swallow down her embarrassment, she turned back to see Yui looking very pleased with herself, wearing a wide smile.

“Yo, Riko! What’re y’all up to?”

“Oh, Komatsu-chan,” Momo and Tsutsui greeted her in sync. With her arms folded behind the back of her head, Yui cocked her head to the side, gaze quickly sweeping across the papers they had laid out.

“Crammin’ at this time of year?”

“That’s what I said…!” Tsutsui nodded vigorously. “It’s so unfair, right, Komatsu-chan? They should just give us all perfect grades as a reward for the holidays!”

Yui snickered.

“Sounds like heaven, if I’ve ever heard of it.”

“Wait…” Momo’s eyes lit up;  _ oh no _ . “Komatsu-chan, aren’t you good at math?”

“Oh, you could say that,” she grinned. Without even waiting for Momo to clarify any further, she was already pulling out a chair for herself. “You could also say I’m a genius. Need me to reign y’all in, or what?”

“You know, I haven’t actually seen you study that many times,” Yuriko remarked dryly.

“Yeah. ‘cause my brain is huge on its own. No need to blow it up any bigger.”

“If you’re just here to mess around, I’m calling a babysitter.”

“Ain’t that you, Riko?”

“No. I’m just a masochist, apparently.”

Yui laughed. Her voice was so light and cheerful. Even though her usual laidbackness was still present, it was almost like night and day to compare it to how she’d used to sound. Therapy must have been doing her wonders.

Yuriko rolled her eyes as Yui hooked an arm around her, continuing to tease her in that same, smug tone. She made no moves to actually wrestle her off, though. Truth be told, she’d grown to find it kind of enjoyable. Almost cute in a way.  _ Almost. _ Like a particularly noisy housecat she’d been forced to take care of.

When she looked back over to Momo and Tsutsui, they were both staring at her in a way that caused her thoughts to momentarily grind to a halt.

“What?” she raised a brow. “Got a problem?”

Tsutsui broke into a dorky smile.

“Oh, it’s nothing! Don’t worry about it.”

“I-  _ What? _ ”

She lifted a finger to her lips, and Yuriko let out an exasperated sigh.

They were probably making up ridiculous scenarios in their heads again. She was better off not even entertaining all that, by this point. Not unless she wanted to deal with Tsutsui spamming her phone later with all sorts of prying, personal texts.

She did do a double take at the smirk that crossed Yui’s features for the briefest of moments.

* * *

“Oh, yeah, Hideki, ya wanna come to the New Year’s party?”

“Huh…?”

“Not that ya gotta. Only if ya feel like it.”

“No, I mean- I wouldn’t mind, but wouldn’t that be sort of weird…? I don’t really know any of your college friends.”

“Eh, ‘s fine. Everyone’s bringin’ all sortsa people anyways. Ain’t nobody gonna bat an eye.”

Her brother still seemed unsure. Hiromi supposed it made sense; he always tended to be nervous like this when it came to meeting new people, concerned with giving a good first impression. Keiji must have known that too, though he seemed to be paying it little to no mind. Probably for the best.

“It really won’t be that formal,” she agreed, staring into her cocktail glass. “It’s hardly even a New Year’s party by this point…”

“Hey, it’s celebratin’ a new year. Ain’t that enough?” Keiji laughed, smacking Hideki on the arm lightly after. “Ain’t that right?”

“Yeah, I guess-”

“See?”

Hiromi resisted the urge to continue arguing about the semantics of it.

“Either way, there’s no reason for you to be so tense. Like Keiji already pointed it out, people will be bringing friends and family already. I was hoping to agree on a list ahead of time just to know what to prepare for, but everyone else has been fairly lax about it, so… I’ve given up.”

“Oh, I’ve got a list,” Keiji piped up, and her eyes lit up immediately.

“Do you!?”

“Yep. Prolly not 100% accurate, but… y’know. Did my best. Asked around as much as I could. Figured you’d want one.”

“Oh, thank god…”

“No problem.”

“Smartass…” she held down a chuckle. “Thank you. I appreciate the efforts.”

He raised his glass.

“God says you’re welcome. Anyways,” he then proceeded to down the rest of the wine, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand after, “I’ll send it over to ya later. Got it somewhere on my phone. Forgot where exactly.”

Hiromi gingerly plucked the now empty glass out of his hand.

“Thank you, please do.”

She was going to meticulously go through that list as soon as she got her hands on it.

* * *

“Ah… If it isn’t Izumi-kun. I haven’t seen you in a while. Good evening.”

Bumping into Izumi out of nowhere today wasn’t something Tooru was expecting – truth be told, he’d always thought the young man was exceptionally rude and disrespectful, so he hadn’t exactly missed seeing him at school. At the same time, though, it had been a  _ long _ time since they’d crossed paths. When he’d made an offhand mention to her about it, Rena had told him he hadn’t been to school in a while. Although he hadn’t dropped out, as far as he was aware… Perhaps he’d gotten tired of the social atmosphere.

Either way, Tooru didn’t see any point in being antagonistic towards him for no reason. He figured he might as well hold some small talk, just to see how he was doing. If for no other reason, then at least out of curiosity.

Izumi stiffened when he called his name, though he didn’t seem to have a visceral reaction to it like he normally would’ve. With his hands in his pockets, he gave Tooru a small nod. He supposed that was an improvement over the scoff he would’ve normally received.

“Nakajima… Hi.”

“What are you doing out so late?”

This time, he did scoff, albeit much more softly than the usual.

“What kind of a question is that?”

“Just polite conversation. I’m sure you’re familiar with the concept.”

“It just sounded like something my mom would ask.”

Tooru straightened his back.  _ Not this again… _

“Well, then your mother must care for your well-being greatly.”

Izumi rolled his eyes lightly.

“If you  _ must _ know…” he lifted one of his hands, vaguely gesturing towards the building he’d just come out of. He seemed to flail for a couple seconds, searching for the right words to use, before he dropped his hand back down and shrugged. “Therapy.”

“Ah.”

“Are you happy now, Mom?”

“Jokes become much less funnier the more they’re used, I hope you’re aware.”

Izumi stifled a quiet laugh.

“Fun at parties, eh?”

Good to know he was still as much of a brat as the last time he’d seen him.

Still, though… somehow, he did seem sort of different. They’d never really exchanged more than a few words before – Tooru was honestly kind of amazed Izumi still remembered his name after so much time –, but he could still tell something about him had changed a little. He seemed more… mellow, somehow. His snarky remarks didn’t really seem to have any malice behind them.

He wondered…

“Speaking of parties… There’s a New Year’s party we’ll be holding somewhat soon. If you’re interested…”

“It’s not even New Year’s anymore,” Izumi frowned, and Tooru resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

“Yes, I’m aware.”

“I’m just saying.”

“If you don’t want to come, that’s alright. I just assumed you would since I remember you being kind of close with Hayama-san and Aragaki-san.”

At that, Izumi went quiet.

He seemed to be fiddling with the buttons on his jacket, thinking it over. It shouldn’t have been that difficult of a question to answer, surely. Despite that, Izumi seemed to be having a considerable amount of trouble with it.

By the time he spoke up again, Tooru was about to bid him farewell and tell him to message the others if he felt like participating.

“It’s fine,” he shook his head. “I already have plans anyway.”

“For the entire week…? I haven’t even told you the date yet.”

“Y-yeah, so what? Got a problem with that?”

_ Ah, children… _

“No, I believe you.”

“Good…!”

“Good.”

They stared at each other for a couple seconds, before Izumi cleared his throat.

“Anyway, parties aren’t really my thing. Natsume-kun already tried to invite me.”

“And you said no.”

“Yep.”

“I see. Well, if you change your mind…”

“Yeah.”

Izumi awkwardly shuffled with his feet.

“I’m gonna…”

“Go?”

“Yeah. Home. Not to the-”

“I know. You made yourself quite clear.”

He seemed like he was about to retort for a second, but he only ended up nodding again.

Such an odd one… Natsume must have had the patience of an angel, willing to put up with someone like him.

His phone buzzed. It must have been Rena asking why he was taking so long.

* * *

“Hello?”

“Oh, uhm- It’s Yokoyama. Sorry for bothering you so late, Fujinomiya-san… Good evening.”

“It’s not that late. But yes, good evening to you too.”

“I was planning on calling you earlier today, but it slipped my mind…”

“No worries.”

“I was just wondering if you knew about the party we are planning? Keiji gave me a list of everyone who’s coming earlier, and I noticed you weren’t on it.”

Kotori chuckled.

Sitting by the window, she’d been waiting for her mom to finish up work so they could have dinner together. Her phone had rung just as she’d been about to check up on her to see how she was doing.

It was kind of cute of Yokoyama to call her like this. She’d told her a while back that she still wasn’t entirely comfortable with texting, and Kotori had let her know she was free to call her instead if that put her mind more at ease. She hadn’t actually expected her to go through with it.

It was nice, though. She hadn’t heard her voice in a bit with the holidays and all.

“Yes, I know. Don’t worry. A little bird has told me about it already.”

The letter Minamoto had sent her about it was still lying on the coffee table. An official invitation, Minamoto had called it. The postcard she’d written it on was fairly cute; it had a holographic image of a fluffy grizzly bear on it. So Minamoto liked bears, huh…

Kotori had found the gesture quite sweet, even if she’d giggled to herself about it at the time from how awkward Minamoto had been about it.

She heard Yokoyama sigh on the other end.

“Ah, good… I just wanted to make sure.”

“Sorry, I haven’t checked my messages in a while now. That’s probably why Akiyama-san neglected to include me.”

“Oh, it’s alright. I was just-”

“Trying to be thorough. I know. You’re working so hard even now, Yokoyama-san… Shouldn’t you ease up a bit? You’ll tire yourself out again.”

“W-well, somebody has to keep track of these things…”

“I’m sure nothing will go wrong even if you let everyone else take care of things for a change.”

“Maybe, but I’ll go mad. You know that.”

“You say that every time. How will you ever learn to relax if you won’t ever try?”

She could practically hear Yokoyama pouting grumpily.

She supposed she could ease up on her for now. She did worry for her sanity, so to speak, with how much work she still had the tendency to pile on herself, but she’d already bugged her about it enough. Especially lately. Surely, she’d be able to handle herself.

So, leaning further back in her seat, Kotori smiled to herself contentedly.

“That aside… Is the wedding still planned for this summer? I wouldn’t mind performing for you, if you’re still looking for somebody.”


End file.
